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Diamonds are not for Everyone

Summary:

They had thrown themselves into a whirlwind romance, the perfect fairytale of star-crossed lovers. Now that they are trying to build a life together, their clashing personalities and all the ugly history they never spoke of are catching up to Connor and Gavin. It’s going to be hard work to build this life together but fortunately, they are both incredibly stubborn.

A relationship in five bad mornings and one good morning that reminds them why it’s worth the struggle.

Notes:

I said I would write something fluffy for them. This is still not the fluffy fic I promised - sorry! In my defense, I actually wrote chapter one as a one-shot months ago but it took me months of alternating between ignoring it and rewriting it time and again until I finally felt happy to post it. So now here we are with a 5+1 fic of the fight to make a relationship work after getting together.

Chapter 1: morning after a fight - Connor

Summary:

On the worst days, Connor doubts everything, even if Gavin has ever loved him at all.

Notes:

This chapter was originally written as a one-shot to the prompt "ignoring all the warning signs." It was a very different fic at the time.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Connor didn’t even have the excuse to say he hadn’t been warned. Everybody had told him to be careful, starting with Hank and not ending with his Jericho friends; even Gavin’s friends had warned him.

Even Gavin had, in a roundabout way.

You can’t change people, they have to change themselves, he’d told Connor more than once, scoffing with derision and brushing away his wounded indignation about whatever latest cruelty against androids had been discovered.

The warning signs had been there, everyone had seen it – Connor had just closed his eyes to them.

In hindsight, he could pinpoint it had started with Gavin’s change of heart coming too fast and too easy. That alone should have made him suspicious of his own good fortune. All the other officers with anti-android sentiments struggled far longer to accept his presence. It took time to unlearn a lifetime’s bigotry, longer yet to swallow your pride and admit you were wrong. Gavin Reed of all people should have struggled hardest to swallow his pride – but then again, if Connor really thought back, he had never admitted to being wrong at all, had he? He should have known it couldn’t be that easy, that he wouldn’t be so lucky. Until Gavin, he had never gained anything in his short life without great sacrifice.

Connor, though, Connor had been blind. No, not blind. Caught up in the heady rush of being in love for the first time in his life, he had been overly confident and optimistic both.

Connor had been programmed to integrate well, from the timbre of his voice to the shape of his face he had been built to best deal with exactly the kind of human hostility Gavin displayed. He had quickly won Hank over. Gavin had been a statistical error for failing to be swayed. In his mind, him coming around hadn’t been suspicious at all since it had simply been the world restoring itself to its natural order.

They had rapidly gone from enemies to lovers, never even stopping to figure out how to tolerate another, let alone working through their history before making new history. Gavin had that kind of forceful energy you couldn’t help getting caught up in, and Connor had been all too happy to let the one with relationship experience set the pace… all too happy to let himself get caught up in Gavin’s passion and the fanciful notion of a whirlwind romance between star-crossed lovers.

It had all struck him as very romantic at first: The friction between their very different tempers, the explosive fights and the passionate reconciliations, the way in which Gavin would lash out at the rest of the world and make Connor feel special for being the exception. They had moved at a dizzying pace and well, there’s no denying that it had made Connor happy.

Gavin still made him happy, he mused as he scanned the human still asleep next to him, reassuring himself yet again that he was healthy and well – the only kind of reassurance he would be getting from Gavin on this matter, since he always claimed to be fine even when he was bleeding all over the precinct floor. That was the problem. If he didn’t make him happy it wouldn’t hurt so much to have doubts that they could make it.

He edged closer and combed his fingers through his mussed hair, traced his fingertips over his face until he smoothed away the frown Gavin wore even in sleep these days.

They hadn’t had peace for long before life started getting to them.

He was always stressed these days, the new responsibilities after his promotion to Sergeant weighed heavily on him. He never permitted himself a break, either; if Connor had thought recognition would permit him to relax, he had been wrong. Climbing higher in the ranks had fanned his ruthless ambition and workaholic tendencies to new heights; he had his eyes on quickly making Lieutenant, then Captain. Maybe he would, he had the skill and his relationship with Connor had made up for a personnel file rife with complaints about his anti-android sentiments. In his more uncharitable moments, Connor would wonder aloud if this had played into Gavin’s willingness to go public.

They threw a lot of uncharitable accusations at another these days and for the most part, Connor tried not to let it get to him, tried not to let himself doubt Gavin or himself or them too much. It just… hurt - to doubt in so many different ways both big and small whether what they had was real or if they had merely… What? Walked the most convenient path? Nothing about them was convenient.

“Hey. What are you blinking yellow about?” There were fingers brushing against his LED and Connor leaned into the touch before he could stop himself.

He refused to meet Gavin’s eyes. “Nothing.”

Gavin clicked his tongue scornfully. “Don’t do that, doll. You’re a shitty liar.”

Connor did look at him now, if only to glare. The morning light was dim but it would be enough for Gavin to see it. “Don’t call me that, Gavin! You know I don’t like it.”

He reared back visibly, frown returning. “Woah. Still bitchy. So much for my theory that you just needed a good fuck.” The frown melted into a smirk and he shifted onto his side, body language turning inviting, but in that provocative way of his that always made Connor feel like he was being mocked. He knew it was one of Gavin’s many ways to hide his insecurities but that didn’t make it any less hurtful to deal with. “Want to give it another try?”

Connor ruthlessly dismissed the emotional stress warnings that popped up in his HUD. “No. Not particularly.” He rolled onto his side, his back to Gavin, and stared at the wall.

Avoidance was childish. It wasn’t like he could avoid Gavin, they lived and worked together. He just really, really wished he could. Most of all, he wished he could avoid himself.

“Bitchy.” It was softer this time, teasing. Fingers again, trailing along his spine now, then dry lips pressing a kiss against the back of his neck right where one of his maintenance hatches was hidden underneath his synthetic skin. “Connor. I don’t know what’s gotten you so worked up but if you don’t tell me I can’t fix it.” He chuckled bitterly. “Only one of us got a supercomputer for a brain, remember? I can’t preconstruct this shit. I just gotta keep fucking up until I get it right.”

Connor activated his breathing imitation feature. The slow, rhythmic function of it never failed to calm him when he didn’t have access to his coin. “Preconstruction works better with crime scenes than with human interactions anyway,” he said, not without a hint of bitterness.

Gavin snorted. “Not quite that perfect, are you?”

Connor’s fingers tightened on his pillow. “What would you do if you had been given reason to doubt that you had assessed a situation correctly?”

Behind him, Gavin stilled. “Check the facts.”

Connor frowned at the wall.

Had he done that? What were the facts, anyway? Gavin could be callous and dismissive and his volatile temper was difficult to handle, but he hadn’t hurt Connor again after their fight in the evidence room. They hadn’t properly talked about what had happened, hadn’t sought to truly forgive and reconcile, preferring to move on. It had been Connor’s decision as much as Gavin’s. He hadn’t wanted to remember the machine he had been, had been scared that recalling his confrontations with Gavin would force him to confront everything and make his tentative new life unravel.

Maybe Gavin had profited from his avoidance, maybe he hadn’t. Maybe Connor had profited from Gavin’s avoidance, too. None of this said he didn’t love Connor. Maybe he hadn’t loved him right away as unconditionally as Connor had loved him, maybe he’d still had reservations. Calling it love when they were driven by lust was one of the most basic manipulation tactics humans employed, they even deluded themselves with it. Whatever may have been, whatever their problems now, Connor being an android wasn’t one of them anymore, he was certain of that much. It didn’t mean Gavin didn’t love him now, or that it had been some great malicious masterplan.

Nobody had ever warned Connor of a masterplan, just that Gavin would hurt him, that he was selfish, that he could be cruel – things Connor had known already and factored into his calculations when he decided the pros outweighed the cons.

So they had thrown themselves recklessly into this relationship, naively even, but it hadn’t been a bad decision. Connor didn’t regret it, daily uphill battle that it was.

Was it really fair to question their life together now that they should be basking in their victory against all odds? Then again, was it really fair that he had been driven to this point where he questioned everything, on the darkest days even whether Gavin had ever loved him at all?

His hands curled into fists around the pillow he was clutching. No, it wasn’t fair. But life wasn’t fair. Nobody had ever promised him that life would be fair, either. It was disappointing but it wasn’t surprising.

“Babe, can we have the existential crisis after breakfast?” Lips against his neck again, then teeth. At first a nibble, then he bit down hard.

Connor’s systems informed him of his skin melting away and then Gavin’s tongue was laving his bare frame. He slid back his skin farther, leaving his neck and throat exposed, baring seams and maintenance ports. He shivered when fingers followed the path of Gavin’s tongue, whimpered at the gentle click of a hatch being teased open. He didn’t dismiss the notifications this time but basked in them.

They could have this. He could have this. Connor permitted the tension to bleed out of him under Gavin’s hands and lips, he let himself lean into him. He had stayed last night after their fight, he had stayed even during a night full of dark thoughts and snowballing doubts. He had stayed because even with everything else, he had wanted to be at Gavin’s side when he woke up. That had to be meaningful, hadn’t it?

“Relax,” Gavin whispered against the back of his neck. “I don’t know what got your wires crossed but let me take care of you, alright?” Gavin snaked an arm around his waist and pulled him close until Connor’s back was pressed against his front. “Trust me.”

Connor closed his eyes. Did he? In most ways, yes. In some, he merely wanted to. He sighed, “Always,” and wished it wouldn’t feel so wistful.

Notes:

Chapter 2 is written and I'm working on chapter 3, expect chapter 2 to be polished and posted by the weekend?