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Thank U, Next

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𝑇𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑔𝘩𝑡 𝐼'𝑑 𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑢𝑝 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝑆𝑒𝑎𝑛

My first relationship was Benedikt or Benni for friends.

He was already an emblem of Schalke when I reached the first team, as was the new one, Benni protected me and placed me under his "wing".

A few weeks ago I was already known as the "spoiled Benni", Manuel Neuer was one of the main ones who did not like our friendship.

The age difference was a serious problem, 5 years did not look like much, but I was 17 and he was 22.

Another problem was that Benni had a partner back then, Mats Hummels the Dortmund defender, they left many years, he only knew me for a short time. From what Benni told me, they started dating when they met in the lower ranks of the national team, they had fought against playing in rival teams, because of the call of Low as both were central defenders. During the first month and a half of getting to know each other, Benni told me all the days how his relationship with Mats was, but then, as at the end of the second month, he no longer told me about Mats, he began to be more interested in my personal life.

Every day after the training we went to dinner, or to have lunch, it became a routine during our third month of getting to know each other, I began to have feelings more than friendship with Benedikt but I knew that it was not reciprocal, at the beginning of May Benni I revealed something that changed our friendship forever:

"Finish with Mats, our relationship was the same"

When I asked him what had been the cause, he was sincere, "you" he said. Throughout May I blame myself for being the cause of the unhappiness of someone I did not know, although a part of me was happy, the man I liked was also for me, a relationship was possible, no matter what contras we had.

The same day I scored my first goal with Schalke in the German Cup, he asked me to leave, the first weeks were difficult, we had to be hidden until Manu was sold to Bayern, we felt a little more free, we were not going to have a look of 1 meter 93 centimeters measuring us.

We made it known on September 21, one day after my 18th birthday.

The derby was one of the most difficult games I played in my life, most of the Dortmund players looked at me badly, Mats did not even pass my hand when the two teams were waving, more than once I try to make a foul against my, for him there was no other player than me on the court. I think that match made us stronger, as I barely finished Benni, I gave myself the first of many kisses in public, I saw the look of Mats on my neck but I never cared less.

I thought I would be the only man I would date, that it would be eternal, I had already planned my whole life with him, I was 18, I was excited quickly, I was very gullible, and that's why I finished.

Benni was my first everything:

My first boyfriend

My first kiss.

My first time.

The first person who knew my parents.

He was going to pick me up when I left school, we talked about getting married, adopting, moving together, belonging to Schalke for many years, that if one left Schalke, the other changed to the same club or at least to the league, we had our whole lives planned.

Benni gave me the best entrance to love, I can not imagine a better first boyfriend, I loved him and I know that Benni loved me in the same way, or else he would not have left his boyfriend of years for the boy of the inferiors. .

If we avoid the end, my first love relationship was better than most, I was with a man who loved me and respected above all things.

He was (and is) one of the most incredible men in the world, and that includes my grandfather and my brother.

I think I'm lucky to be able to say that my first boyfriend was also my first love.

Benedikt caused a revolution, he taught me that it is good to be a soccer player and a homosexual, and to fall in love with his teammates, but I think that this point was a bit out of my hands.

I would have liked to be forever and ever;

Benni and Jule.

But it was unrealistic, even for the naive 18-year-old Julian.

We were a couple from June 2011 to August 2012, Benedikt besides my boyfriend was my best friend, he knows me as the palm of his hand, the Julian of 17/18 years lived probably one of the best years of my life, Every day he repeated to me that he loved me, that he was a good judge, that when he was older I could reach him or overcome him, that he was thankful to be my boyfriend.

There was no day that Benni did not make me feel the happiest person on the planet, I do not think I deserved it, but I would not change anything even one day at his side for anything else in the world, I was a privileged person.

How many people can say that they came out with the most wonderful human being on the planet?

I really thought that Benedikt was the right one, that he would be my first and only boyfriend.

But our relationship did not have an end that it deserved.

It was not even the fault of any of us.