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Avengers Meeting #1: Official Minutes

In attendance: Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow, Thor, Hawkeye, the Hulk (currently Bruce Banner), and Nick Fury

Meeting Topics: Leadership Roles, Avengers Orientation

Fury: All right everyone, there's a lot of evil in the world and we need a group to fight it. It's going to be really badass. Cap's gonna be leader. Got it? Adjour--

Captain America: *chipper* Ah, wait just a minute! There’s a bit more. Greetings everyone and thanks for coming!

Iron Man: Wait, wait—who decided you were going to be leader? *Looks around the table and points* Did you? Did you? Cause I sure as hell didn't. I think we need to have a vote, last I knew we were a democracy. I say the man— or woman *winks at Black Widow, who rolls her eyes in response* that has the most intelligence, charisma, and dare I say it toys wins. What do you say Cap? All you've got is a shield. I've got a full suit of armor. That flies. *Reaches over and taps the shield laying on the table.* This thing get good reception? You get HBO on this? The SPICE channel?

Captain America: *jerks his shield away, wrapping an arm protectively around it* It's not open for debate. I have field experience leading men in battle, I've fought—

Iron Man: Was this pre or post popsicle era? And by the way “Greetings” went the way of the dinosaurs while you were in the deep sleep, pal. Most people say, “What up bitches?”

Fury: That's enough Stark.

Iron Man: I know, I know that was out of line. Try “my hos” instead. I'd pay good money to see that. But my point is that we shouldn't have an out of touch relic in charge. We might as well have the generic superhero-- *nods at Hawkeye*

Hawkeye: Hey!

Iron Man: --or Diary of a Wimpy Kid over there lead us.

Banner: *hanging his head, staring at the table in full emo mode* I just want to go home. I don't want to be here.

Fury: Stark! One more word and Stark Enterprises loses its government contracts. Do I make myself clear?

Iron Man: *leans back in his chair and affects an air of disinterest* We sing kumbaya even once and I’m out of here.

Fury: *sighs* Cap?

Captain America: Uh, well. *discretely scratches something off a list* Ok, despite what some may refer to as my popsicle era, I do have combat and leadership experience. We're going to make a great team!

Thor: When do we fight?

Captain America: Whenever the need arises.

Thor: I was promised there would be fighting. And ale.

Captain America: Not...sure about the ale, but certainly there will be lots of fighting.

Banner: Can I go home now?

Captain America: Sorry Bruce, not until we go over the official policies of the Avengers. *reaches under the table and pulls out a thick binder*

Hawkeye: Jesus Christ!

Captain America: What did I say about swearing?!

Thor: Are we going to fight? *hopeful*

Fury & Captain America: NO!

Black Widow: *under her breath* Men.

Captain America: *clears throat* Section one: Sick Leave and accruing Personal Time Off, henceforth referred to as PTO. During national emergencies only one day of PTO is allowed, while intergalactic threats require mandatory attend…wait—the rest of the page says “All work and no play makes Steve a dull boy.”

Fury: Stark!!!

Captain America: *flipping through all the pages* The whole thing! He replaced the whole thing!

Iron Man: Why are you immediately assuming it’s me? I’m hurt. I really am. Kind of a simple trick for yours truly but I wouldn’t put it past Thunder Thighs over there.

Thor: I am a GOD!

Iron Man: No one is disputing your special snowflake-ness, and if that’s all that’s left I’d say this meeting’s adjourned.

Black Widow, Hawkeye, Banner, Thor: Agreed! *everyone but Fury and Cap scatter*

Captain America: *nervous chuckle* That actually went better than expected.

Fury: *thousand yard stare*