Tony stumbled into his bathroom, sweaty and pale. He chugged the last of the whisky, hurling the empty bottle at a wall, before lunging at his sink and snatching his bottle of sleeping pills, untouched.
Without hesitation or ceremony, he tips his head and, with some difficulty, swallows every tablet and chases them down with some water.
He slumps to the floor, still upright, and ponders the consequences of what he just did, after all this is the most drunk he has ever been and he just swallowed close to 50 sleeping tablets.. Who will find his corpse? How long will he lie here /until/ they find him, actually?
He shakes his head as his vision slowly starts to gray over, creeping like a fog.. He hates his life, himself and everything that led to this moment. He is weak, pathetic.. He's not a genius at all.
He couldn't feel his lower half anymore, and he was awfully tired, so he lay down with a thud and started crying like the pathetic weasel that he was..
He lay on his back and continued to cry, he didn't want to die alone. He wanted somebody to wrap their arms around him, to keep him company while he died..
He couldn't hold on any longer, he closed his eyes with a heartbreaking sigh, only one name burned in his mind: Loki..
The door banged open. Why was he doing this? Why the FUCK was he doing risking everything he had built for himself? His peaceful little life. It's what he always wanted. Liar. He'd been having dreams. Dreams that cut through the night terrors like fine blades and they always contained Tony. His hero. He'd started watching him, on and off. More and more frequently and when he'd seen him go for a suicide attempt he finally acted. Shaking the entire time as he hauled Tony onto his side and plunged his long fingers into his throat.
"THROW THEM UP!" he snarled.
"THROW THEM ALL UP!" he jammed again, trying to get his gag reflex to kick in so the remainder of pills and alcohol would be purged from him.
"Why would you do this? WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS?!"
He was drifting aimlessly through the darkness and it was.. It was so cold here, but he reveled in it.
A sharp pain erupted in his throat, slicing down to his stomach and he cried out, fearful of an attack..
He could hear somebody screaming at him, as if they were in another room. The voice was familiar, it felt green.. Oh, but he really didn't want to wake up as that would defeat the purpose of coming here.
He sighed through the pain cutting him from throat to stomach, attempting to follow the voice. He could feel the cold enveloping his body, searing his throat and he could hear so much.. Shouting, coughing, weeping..
Suddenly his eyes opened, the light blinding him as he choked and spluttered desperately for air, those piercing emerald eyes filling his vision
"L..Loki?!" he croaked, still sobbing as he started to beat his fists weakly against him, "no! W.. Why did you stop me?!" his voice was broken, heartachingly lost as he curled up on the floor, hardly aware that he had managed to throw up the tablets.
"Because you need to fucking live!" he snapped.
"Because you're this brilliant force of good and loosing you would.. Destroy so much." he wiped his hand clean and Tony's mouth.
His touches gentle, almost loving as he started running his hands over his body. A warm, green and gold glow of healing magic sparking from his hands.
Trying to cleanse his blood and organs of the taint of too much alcohol and the sleeping pills.
"Why? Why would you do this?" he demanded.
Harsh sobs wracked his shivering body as he lay there, a sullen heat spreading into his bones from Loki's hands, "I.. Can't.. Do.. It" he gasped between sobs, curling in on himself.
He hated Loki so much, hated his words.. He started shaking uncontrollably, raking his fingers through his hair, "let me go.." he whispered, broken
"NO!" he snapped.
"I won't EVER let you go, damn it." he pulled him in, stroking his hair back.
"We're going to get you into the shower, clean you up and then I'm taking you to lay down in bed." he said, shaking himself.
"I'm going to be right beside you. This whole time."
He flinched when Loki shouted at him, he was too far gone and sensitive to cope with that.
Fresh tears flooded down his face as he started to gray out again.
Obviously enough of the drugs were still in his system and he smiled peacefully as he could feel himself letting go again, hoping he finally had the chance to die in somebody's arms.
He snarled, nearly ripping his clothes off and yanking him into the bath. Pouring ice cold water down onto him and rubbing him with icy hands to clean him.
"You." he snapped.
"Are." he scrubbed his hair.
"Not." he sprayed water in his mouth to wash it out.
"Going." he slapped him lightly.
"To sleep right now!" he finished washing him and dragged him out.
"Stay away Tony!"
He woke with a horrible fright, crying out and flailing madly "NO!" he beat his hands against the God's chest as he shivered violently.
"Don't do this again!" he turned his frozen, broken glare on him, full of hatred.
"you're my enemy, stop saving me!" he bellowed, trying to escape from Loki's frozen embrace
"I am not your enemy!" he bellowed back.
"The Chitauri were our enemy. The man controlling them was the enemy!" he shouted, grabbing his wrists.
"I'm not your enemy, Tony. I never wanted to be your enemy." he pushed his hands down, looking into his eyes.
"And I'm not going to let you die."
He watched those emerald eyes blaze as he cowered from the God, "why.. Why are you forcing me to live with this?" he cried, giving up his futile attempts at attack and lying on Loki's lap, exhausted.
He could feel the cold burn on his wrists, confusing his mind. Of /course/ Loki was the enemy, he brought the chitau- aliens and tossed him off a goddamn roof!
He was so miserable it tore him up, yet this God demanded he continue to live with the pain.
"Because you're stronger than this." he snapped, working on drying Tony off now and getting him clothes to wear. Carrying him to bed.
"You didn't let them defeat you then, you won't let them defeat you now." he encouraged.
"You are.. So incredibly brave and strong. And I know this hurts. But it will get better." he lay with him in bed after using his magic to change his own clothes to a simple night gown.
Holding the other and resting a hand on his chest, working on pulling more of the medicine from his system.
He lay against Loki, refusing to fight anymore.
He accepted that he would have to wait until Loki was gone before he tried again, maybe next time he would simply remove the arc reactor..
His fingers lightly traced the reactor as he thought this. "I don't want to wait for this to go" he admitted, body numb as Loki worked on it, he watched the ceiling with a disconcerting lack of emotion.
"Stop thinking about killing yourself. I can read your mind, Stark." he said firmly.
"And if I need to chain myself to you so you won't kill yourself because you'll be on 24/7 watch, I will do it mister." he moved on top of him, straddling his stomach and looking down into his eyes.
"What about all your friends? The people that care about you?"
He squeaked and tried to push Loki off him, this was mortifying "How can you read my mind?! Get. Out. Of. It" he snarled, feeling cornered and vulnerable.
"I won't kill myself when you leave, relax" he said, voice wavering "why do you care so much?"
"Because I've not been able to get you off my mind!" he snapped.
"Even when I was under their control, the moment I laid eyes on you... When I hurt you... I wanted to weep. I still hate myself for harming you." he was gripping his shoulders.
"I care very much for you, and I can't even begin to explain why. But the idea of you dying makes me ill."
"Enough with your tricks and lies, Loki!" he roared, sitting up to stare at him.
"Every person to tell me those words has been lying and you have the DICK to tell me them after /saving/ me?" he starts to weep again, falling back onto the pillows and hiding his face.
He can't accept somebody caring for him after everybody leaving him..
"I am not lying!" he uncovered his face. Looking into his eyes again before pressing their foreheads together.
"I'm not." he hissed, and pressed harder and finally let Tony look into his mind. His thoughts, his feelings, memories good and bad, with a focus on his thoughts and feelings on Tony.
"I. Care." he said firmly.
He was mesmerized, stuck in the flow of Loki's mind as he started to understand.
He shot back, gasping loudly, staring wildly at Loki, "you.. We.. Oh my god" he stammered, struggling for breath.
He was.. Oh hell, he had no idea. He stretched his hand out, hesitating slightly, not sure what to do..
He panted, trembling and blushing furiously.
Anger, embarrassment and hurt all crossing his features.
He'd shown Tony things he'd never even told his mother about.
"I really do care."
He cowered at Loki's expression "I believe you" he whispered, trying to hide behind his hands.
The God's expression was terrifying, to say the least.
He watched the other carefully, waiting for him to calm down again.
Seeing the other scared like that, he gentled his expression before becoming sad.
Tears pricking his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." he said, stroking his hair back and hugging the other, tucking his face against his neck.
Loki's face is strangely warm against his shoulder, forcing the realisation of how cold and clammy he is..
"it's.. It's fine, please don't worry" he crooned softly, starting to shiver as shock set in from his attempted suicide.
"Loki, I.." he clutched desperately at him, fully realising what he had attempted "oh my god, I tried to die.. I am so sorry" he whispered, voice cracking.
"But you're safe now." his voice was very gentle, soothing. Tender.
"You're safe," he pet his hair gently.
"And I'm here, okay?" he smiled, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.