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I Hate and I Love

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It hurt.



And it hurt so bad.

 


It shouldn't though, it had been two years since he had last seen Park Jimin. Two years since he had heard his sweet giggles, saw  the way his eyes scrunched up when he smiled.

His hair now were blue making him look all the more soft.

 

It felt like suddenly he could breathe better. As if the colours around him had brightened. As if the air had a certain lightness that had been absent for years.


But still it hurt, and it hurt really bad when Jimin looked at him in passing and didn't even acknowledge his presence. As if he hadn't been gaping at him like a foolish goldfish, trying hard to breathe.
The worst thing was that he deserved it, after what he had done to him he deserved his hatred, his anger, his disappointment.

But that also didn't make the pain, that felt like he had been punched over and over again in the stomach, go away. It didn't make the tears from welling up, didn't stop his breathing from becoming ragged.
And he realised something that even after all these years, Park Jimin still held Yoongi heart in his hands and that he had just been crushed.


He didn't know why Jimin had come to join Seoul Artist Academy even after knowing that Yoongi will be there. He did know though that seeing Jimin as a fresher in campus all the time made him feel as if something had been eating him alive from inside. Seeing him move around with his friends, pretending not knowing him, this was far too bad for Yoongi's sanity.

So, Yoongi finally decided that he should do something that should have already been done two years before. He had to appologise to Jimin. Explain to him. He knew he wouldn't be forgiven but he couldn't live like this. It was either an appology or packing his bags and leaving college. However tempting the second option might be currently he wasn't going to be a pussy.


And that's how Jimin finds Yoongi, waiting near the turn for his dance class. Wearing his trademark all black attire, leaning on the wall across him, picking on his nails.

It was shocking for him, how even after all this time, seeing Yoongi now makes anger and hatred boil inside of him. He could look at him now without getting noticed because Yoongi was apparently in some deep thoughts of his. All he needed was a plan to escape from here without getting caught. He, in no way was going to talk to Min Yoongi.

He was kinda scared now, because Jungkook had left early with Taehyung. They were out on their not-a-date. He can already feel his hands getting clammy, he had been practising alone. Thankgod he had locked the door of the practise room. Otherwise Yoongi may have cornered him inside.
"Jimin-ssi..?", he sighs recognising that voice. Not exactly the person he wanted to talk with right now. Jiwon had been pestering him for a date and he had been trying to evade him. Hearing his name being called out Yoongi had looked up, their eyes locking for an instant. An instant too long. He breaks the eye contact, turning around to see Jiwon. He had been standing leaning on the opposite wall. Giving him his way too sweet smile. That always made him feel sick but currently it spelt relief.

Bowing down to him, he mustered all the excitement that he could, returning back the smile, "Jiwon-ssi"

"Can I talk to you for a second? If you are free now?"
Keeping up the facade, he replies "Ofcourse you can! I am always free for you, hyung." Covering his mouth in mock-shock "I am sorry! It just slipped. I wouldn't call you hyung if you don't want me to. I just felt comfortable. I am so sorry Jiwon-ssi"
"Ofcourse Jimin-ssi. I liked it when you called me hyung."
"Oh hyung", he lightly slapped his hand on Jiwon's arm.. giggling softly. He still can't figure out why and for what reason was he doing this. Plus it was really weird to see him sputter and grow all red in the face.
"Jimin-ssi I wanted to ask you something. Can I take you out on a date? I like you very much. And i would be really happy if you said yes."

If you ask Jimin now why he had done it, he wouldn't have any answer.

It was stupid.

It was selfish.

And it definitely was not him.

But yes, he kissed Jiwon.

Knowing fully well Yoongi was there behind him.

Waiting for him to finish up his conversation.

Maybe he just wanted Yoongi to feel awkward enough and just leave him alone like he wanted to.
It was weird afterwards to say the least. After turning around to see that Yoongi had indeed left him alone. He turned to see Jiwon with a stupified expression on his face.

He walked away from there, not even turning at Jiwon's "IS THAT A YES JIMIN-SSI?!"

~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~

A deep breath.


Okay, he can do this. He really can.


Just walk past him, ignore him and try not to draw attention to himself.

Shit.

This was a bad idea.

Coming here all alone, this late. When he knew that not many people were going to be there and that there was a chance that Min Yoongi was going to be here, he had seen Yoongi walk here some time before.
This was the last thing he needed on a bad day as is.

But he also really needed to keep his books back in his locker

Min Yoongi wasn't a bad guy. You could ask anyone and they would say the same. He was a model student with his grades and being the captain of the basketball team. But Jimin knew the real Yoongi. How ugly he could be and how much he hated Jimin. He had known him since school.

Maybe he was done with being scared cause after a moment of stalling at the door, he clutched his pile of books close to his chest and training his eyes to the ground he walks slowly, trying to make himself smaller and as inconspicuous as possible.

Nine, ten, eleven.... counting the steps in his mind. He was nearly there. Until-

Shit.


He knew this would happen. He was so focused on counting his steps that he didn't even see the juice that had been spilled there.

He slipped.

Lying sprawled on the floor with his books scattered around.


DON'T LOOK UP! DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING LOOK UP JIMIN!!
With his back to Yoongi, Jimin sniffed softly as he picks up his books.
"Can't even walk straight, can you?"
He could feel Yoongi's strong gaze on him. He just tries to focus on breathing and calming his heartbeat.
"So now you also like to dress up like girls now Park Jimin?"
When Jimin still didn't turn or move from his crouching position, he hears Yoongi continue.

"From whom did you steal these red lacy panties-"

With a start, Jimin yelps and gets up tugging his shirt that had ridden up, down and pants up. He can feel his heart hammering.
Fuck he was doomed now. He can already feel his face getting hot under Yoongi's gaze, tears pricking his eyes.

"So now you apart from fucking every guy, you also want to look all pretty like a girl? Trying to make someone want you? Well if you haven't yet seen your face let me tell you nothing can ever-" pointing towards his face- " change that!"

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't even see now. With how hard tears were streaming down his face.

All he wanted was to feel pretty.


This wasn't the Yoongi that he had known in his childhood been best friends with. This was the Yoongi that had laughed at him with his new friends. Made fun of Jimin and his feminine ways. And if he had somewhere, in the corner of his heart, been hoping for his best friend Yoongi to have returned, this dispelled it all.

He had saved his money to buy these, for over 2 month. This made him feel good. He liked it. He felt pretty.
But it all got ruined because of him.
He couldn't let Yoongi win again.
Crush his self esteem over and over again.
Wiping his tears with the back of his hands, he gets up on his shaky legs.

"Fuck you Min Yoongi", his voice breaks. But it's worth it, beacuse the look on Yoongi's face makes up for it. He's shocked to say the least with his eyes round and jaw slack, never having expected for Jimin to talk back to him. Undeterred, he continues. "I wouldn't let you break me. Not again." His voice is still shaking, so he takes a deep breath. "You want to feel better about that microscopic dick of yours? Picking up on people who you think are weaker than you? Making them feel bad about themselves? Is that what gets you off?? Huh?" He scoffs, his voice gaining confidence. "I don't know why you hate me, I have never been anything but kind to you. Even when you started ignoring me. I thought maybe i had done something wrong. I am done feeling sorry and waiting for you to explain. One more time you try to pick on me I'll cut your dick off and shove it down your throat. Okay?"
His voice raises towards the end, nearly shouting.
Feeling satisfied that his voice didn't shake or crack again in his speech, he quickly picks up his books hugging them close he moves towards the door. Turning just shy of outside the door, he speaks softly "I really did loose a friend, or maybe i lost you when you left me alone after my mother's death. You knew i had lost her. You knew how devastated i was. But you still snickered along with everybody else. Making fun of how i carried her hanky with me, like a 'little pathetic girl', you said. Let me tell you, if anyone's pathetic that's you. And now I am really done with you now. Goodbye Min Yoongi."
The sound of the door being shut resonates in the hallway.
And that's when Yoongi allows himself to fall on his knees scrunching his eyes to not let the tears fall.
He hated Park Jimin.
But he hated himself more.
He hated that seeing Jimin kiss another guy had reduced him to a pathetic jealous person. Even after knowing he never really had Jimin and the extent of hatred that Jimin felt for him was justified.
It shouldn't be hurting now. He shouldn't be feeling this way. Empty.
He knew he didn't hate Jimin, but only himself.
In his defence Yoongi didn't know, okay? He didn't know it was Jimin's mom's handkerchief. He still remembered that day, clear as fuck.

~•~•~•~•~
10th grade, well Jimin was in 8th. He and Jimin were friends. Best of friends. They spent most of their evenings together. Playing stupid made up games, sometimes playing soccer or basketball, colouring or just watching t.v. together.

"You like that guy don't you?", Kang Won sneered at him. He was a school bully. Been in 10th grade for forever. Scary hunk of a guy. Towering over him from where he stood standing near his class desk. "You are a fag right? In love with him?"

"Gosh NO!! Why would you even think that?"

"So you are friends with that stupid excuse of a guy?"

Gritting his teeth, "I just know him cuz of my mum. His mom and my mum were friends and please just leave me alone."


"Did you hear that, y'all, Min Yoongi is a fag, in love with the school's biggest twink Park Jimin. Aren't these homosexuals like pests-"

He had been shaking all over by the time he had reached the washroom. He sat down inside the cubicle, trying hard not to cry.
Okay, so yes.
//He liked Jimin.//
And definitely not like a friend.
He had known this for months now.
And had been disgusted by himself since then.

He was disgusting.
He wasn't supposed to like a guy.
He was supposed to be normal.
He shouldn't have been gay.
Jimin would be disgusted by him.
How long till he figured it out. People were already noticing his probably too evident feelings for Jimin.
And now Jimin was also getting dragges into this. Cute, little, innocent Jimin. Jimin who deserved the world. Jimin who was his world.

Jimin who probably thought of him as a brother.

This was the beginning of the end of their friendship. Yoongi stopped hanging out with Jimin. Kang Won was more than happy to take him into his group. 'Trying to reform a fag', he had said.

He should have known things would get ugly because even after ignoring Jimin everytime, Jimin still was sweet to him. Asking him about his classes and if we would like to join him for lunch. Waiting under the tree at their place, where they had had lunch together since forever. Even if it meant that the rest of his group jeered and laugh at him. He always smiled when he met him in halls. The smile a lot dimmer and more sad.

This was to stop. He couldn't see Jimin like this. He just wanted Jimin to hate him. Because he deserved that. He wasn't the hyung that Jimin had wanted.
So the next time that his group had picked up on Jimin, instead of staying in the corners ignoring them, he had joined them. Laughing along with them.
And when those fat tears had rolled down his cheeks, he hadn't been deterred. But snatched the hanky from Jimin's hand, and laughed along with others at how he used a girl's hanky. Called him all sorts of names.
Seeing Jimin run away from him.

He had excused himself and puked all his lunch out.
He went back home and cried hard.
Feeling all the more ugly, if that was possible.

~•~•~•~•~

After the incident in the college locker room, Yoongi didn't get up from bed for two days. His friends had been checking up often on him. Seokjin had even made him chicken soup. Hoseok and Namjoon too nearly came everyday, checking up on him.
Yoongi didn't talk much, even though they were his best friends. They didn't exactly know Yoongi and how he was such a bitch.

Did he know why he did it?
Hell yes! He just wanted to hurt Jimin. Just like he had been hurt when Jimin had kissed that son of a bitch right in front of Yoongi.

It had hurt so bad. Pierced his heart so deep. As if a white hot spear had just been plunged in his heart again and again.

He couldn't find it in himself to stop the tears from welling up in his eyes. Remembering every single word that Jimin had said to him. Willing himself not to let the tears flow down. Just speed walked till he reached his dorm and then crashed on his bed. Where he had stayed for the next 48 hrs.


Fuck it.
So, Jimin was gay.
Jimin was like him.
He wouldn't find Yoongi abnormal.
He wouldn't be disgusted by him.
His Jimin wouldn't be disgusted by the fact that Yoongi liked guys.


But Jimin liked someone else.

But Jimin had kissed someone else.

But Jimin thought he was a jerk.

A big dickhead, who had hurt him. A pretty innocent soul like him. The prettiest of the boys out there. He had called him ugly. Knowing fully well that Jimin had been insecure of his looks since the beginning. He had hurt that fluff ball. He had made him cry.
He still can't get the image of Jimin shouting on him and sobbing like that. Looking so sad and affected by every word that Yoongi had spat on him.


It took him another one day to decide that he would no longer be a chicken about it.
Him and Park Jimin had been friends. Best of friends. Atleast till he had not started being a dick. But maybe there was still a part of Jimin that didn't totally hate him. Maybe he deserved getting all the hate. But what if there was still a little bit of hope that Jimin would forgive him. He wouldn't give up on that tiny hope. He would no longer wallow.
He had been the biggest dick in the history but he was gonna own up to it and ask for Jimin's forgiveness and maybe confess his feelings for him and tell him why he did it. If he didn't chicken out at the last moment that is.

And as for the guy that Jimin had kissed, he could only hope that things weren't serious between them.

He wanted Jimin to not hate him. Even if he couldn't forgive him and fucking hell didn't return a teeny tiny bit of his feelings back, he just wanted to see his old Jimin back. The one that wasn't scared of Yoongi, didn't loathe him.

And for that he needed to come up with a plan.

And that he did. He had planned 10 small surprises for Jimin. Small things he knew Jimin loved. Small things that would maybe make Jimin smile that sunshine like smile of his.

And maybe remind Jimin of Yoongi.

1st) a sweet gift:

He had made a cute little bag of goodies, filled with all of Jimin's favourite chocolates and candies. Push Pops, a small bag of shark bites, some String things and Little hugs fuit barrels, all of the ones that he knew Jimin always saved his pocket money for, back then when they used to get just 500 Won as pocket money. The ones that Yoongi used to buy for him every time they fought over the stupidest of things. The one's that made Jimin smile and say "Am not a 5 yr old kid hyung!!"
He had even added a small chit in it, reading:

"For that small kid in you!"

: In the prettiest handwriting that he could manage. He wouldn't lie, he had to write that 8 times to get it halfway decent.

Now the problem was where should he keep them. The locker would have been the most obvious place but someone or the other would see him do it.
So he moved around with that small purple coloured bag in his pocket for 2 days.

Until he found the opportunity when he saw Jimin's bag lying on the library table, while Jimin had his back towards him and was busy searching for some book. So he looked around seeing that no one was there he quickly slipped the small bag into Jimin's. And turned around as fast as he could without Park Jimin noticing his existence.
He didn't want to hurt him anymore.

Jimin was sitting on his bed, hoping to start with his assignments when he noticed a small purple bag sitting alongside his books inside his bag. He quickly opened the bag looking at the small treats.
"Oh my god Tae...", Tae did stuff like this. Trying to make him smile when he was feeling low and heaven knows he had been feeling low. But then he saw that chit inside that bag... one who's messy handwriting was no where close to Tae's.
Truth be told, the note did made him giggle. What if it was some guy from his class who was interested in him but was shy and old school?!!

He quickly shoots up a text to Tae, asking to confirm if he had done something like that. Which of course resulted in Taehyung calling him and squealing like a teenager and gushing about how Jimin was finally going to get some quality dick.

It took him an hour to get off the phone.

 

 

2nd) a pretty gift:


The second gift he found in the same coloured packing with a silver ribbon was under his desk when he reached his class. So whoever it was knew his schedule. Maybe someone from his own class.
He could definitely rule out Jiwon, one because he had already explained to the guy that he wasn't interested (all Jiwon had said was that atleast he got kissed by his prince charming once... so 'aww cute' but kinda 'bleh' at the same time..?)
Okay, so someone else from his class then.

He quickly removed the packing from it and gasped softly when he saw what it was.
It was his favourite flower, a single Gardinia flower, made out of glass.
Maybe this guy whoever he was knew him better or maybe he was a stalker. Otherwise how would he know his favourite flower? Or that he didn't like actual flowers because they shrivel and die with time?
Maybe Taehyung or Jungkook were helping this guy..?

This time the same scrawny writing read:

"For the prettiest flower that you are!"


It made him blush so hot that he had to press his hands on his cheeks and fan them a little to cool down a bit. Making him forget all his doubts of this guy.

Yoongi had done it. He had made Jimin smile.
He felt all goey. Wow, he didn't know he could ever feel this good. But seeing Jimin's eyes scrunched up when he smiled and then trying to will down the redness of his cheeks... it was endearing...

Yoongi quickly ducked away when he saw Jimin look around his class. Maybe trying to figure out who this mysterious guy was.


3rd) a soft gift:




Jimin regretted telling both of his friends about this. As now both Taehyung and Jungkook were now sitting with him on his bed waiting for Jimin to open the latest gift. The one that he had found inside his locker. How did the guy manage to put it in his locker without anyone noticing would remain a mystery to him.
Sighing he carefully tries to gets the purple coloured wrapping paper off of it. It feels like something soft.
"OMFG!! IT'S A KUMAMON!!!", both Taehyung and Jungkook start laughing at that and don't shut up till they get kicked out of his room. Which he locks behind him. "But atleast let us read what Mr. Mysterious Guy has written for his little baby Jiminieee~~~", Jungkook shrieks from the other side of the door.

Whom he promptly ignores and walks towards the Kumamon. Turning it around he finds the note tucked in, a little bit longer than the previous one's, reading:

"It's soft, but you are softer. You and your sweaterpaws will be the death of me Park Jimin."

God, this guy was totally feeding his praise kink like there was no tomorrow. Whoever he was, Jimin knew he would be cute.
But how did this guy know he liked kumamon? Maybe he had seen him in his favourite kumamon pyjamas... or that cute little kumamon bag that he carried. Whatever it was, this guy really knew Jimin a lot. And knew what he liked.

And he called him P-A-R-K J-I-M-I-N!!!! Fools will say it's no big deal as it's just his name... but finally Mr. Mysterious addressed him by his name.

Why is this so hot.

He, Park Jimin, was officially gone.


4th) a melodious gift:

For the next gift... Yoongi nearly gets caught, and dies.

He had decided to leave the next gift in Jimin's dance class. He knew Jimin practiced alone every Thursday from 3:30- 4:00 p.m. So he really wasn't expecting Jimin to walk inside at 3 just as he was about to leave.
Yoongi had panicked, and hid himself between the desk where the music system was kept and the wall. Trying not to make a noice or move. It's only when Jimin, who had been busy talking on the phone to one of his friends all this while, decides to move into the washroom to change his clothes that Yoongi makes a wild dash to the door nearly skidding his way out.

A close save.

Jimin finds the newest parcel when he comes after changing. He looks around, even running to the door to see if this mysterious guy was still there.
Disappointed that he couldn't see him, he moves back to the table.

This time the parcel is small and thin. Something hard.
Jimin bites his lips to stop himself from grinning like a fool when he sees what it is.
It's a signed c.d.! A freaking signed TAEYANG'S RISE!!!!

Can this mystery guy come in front of him just once? He would want to kiss the daylights out of him!

OMFG HE CAN'T BELIEVE HE FINALLY HAS A SIGNED C.D OF HIS FAV!!
Should Jimin be surprised that this guy knows everything about Jimin? Probably but he has this idea that Jungkook and Taehyung are definitely helping out this guy. Because other than them no one knows his this well. So contrary to how they are swearing and promising it ain't them helping... he would like to think just that.

But this Mr. Mysterious is really something! And the caption:

"He's a good singer but i like your voice better. Even if you are just humming Naman Narabwa. It makes me feel warm. You make me feel warm Jimin-ah."

He squeals, giggles and slides down on the floor clutching the c.d. to his heart. So this guy has also heard him sing..  he hasn't sung in front of many people. Pushing that thought side aside, he squeals again. 

Yes, he's so gone for this guy who he hasn't even met yet.

'Jimin-ah'.

Yepp.

Whipped.


5th & 6th) romantic gifts:


After that close save from last time, Yoongi is actually thankful that the next two are supposed to be given together. (Or may be they weren't supposed to be given together, but Yoongi is too much of a scaredy cat that he decides that as they can go together, they will be given together)

So that's how Jimin finds two wrapped gifts being delivered to his dorm. A small one and a large. He signs and quickly takes them inside his room before Tae and Gguk can so much as chance a glance at it and tease the hell out of him.

So that's how Jimin finds his next gifts, a DVD of 'The Notebook', and a warm colourful blanket.

"This movie reminds me of you everytime, I hope that from now on this will remind you of me too! And also a warm blanket for when you feel cold. Alteast till I am not there. Soon x "

Jimin is smiling like a lovesick fool for the next few days and zoning out of the conversations, trying not to think of that soon and that 'x' in the end.
And every now and then he squeals into the pillow trying to keep it down!


7th) a sparkling gift:


The seventh gift that Yoongi has decided upon, is something handmade. He could have bought it from the market, but he decided to make it on his own. Just like they used to.

Jimin finds the next gift on his car's hood. It's in the same purple coloured wrapping with a tiny silver ribbon.
Jimin quickly picks it up and moves to sit inside the car, locking the door.

Taking a deep breath he tries to curb his excitement a little bit. After two- three deep breathes he gives up. Quickly doing away with the wrapping and seeing a simple white cardboard box. He quickly opens up the box... gasping when he sees the contents.

It's Senko Hanabi, handmade.
Just like Yoongi and he used to make.
Tears spring up in his eyes. He remembers how they had spent a whole summer making these up when Jimin's cousin had come from Japan.
Both Yoongi and Jimin trying so hard to roll them amd light them perfectly and messing up more times than he can remember. In the end only Yoongi had been able to light one up perfectly which he had passed slowly to an awestruck Jimin's hand where unfortunately it had fizzled. Making Jimin cry out and Yoongi laugh so hard.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he thinking of Yoongi now? Yoongi had changed! That Yoongi wasn't this monster that he had become now.

He let out a small sniffle, clutching the fireworks closely. He hadn't seen Yoongi in so long. Not since the day that Jimin had shouted on him.
It was so stupid of him to think that Yoongi will ever explain to him why he had changed or apologise for what he had done.

Why did Yoongi have to ruin the good that was finally happening in his life? Why did Jimin let him ruin it all again??

He sniffles, wiping away his tears. Reading the messy handwriting:

"These sparkle and light up so prettily only when lighted correctly. I made these for you Jimin. You are the light in my life. Light them up with a steady hand and you'll see how you light up my life."


Min Yoongi did ruin the gift for him.


8th) a cute gift:



For the next days to come, Jimin feels so low that Jungkook and Taehyung actually quit with all the teasing and just smother him with all the love and affection. Getting him his favourite stew kimchi jjigae, putting on some ridiculous reality show and just cuddling with him. No questions asked. They knew Jimin will come around and that he'll talk whenever he feels comfortable. It felt good to be doted upon.

He didn't even go to college. It felt good to sit back and relax. Give himself a much needed break whatever maybe the reason.

That evening Taehyung brings with himself the next gift. Telling him that it had been kept outside the door.
When Jimin makes no move to get up amd take it from his hand, Tae walks over to him messing up his hair.

"Not excited for this one?"

"I don't know... It's just that i haven't even met this guy yet and then all these gifts just make me fall for someone I don't even know is a stalker or not!"

"If you wouldn't open then i will!", and with that Tae rips open the package.

It's only at Taehyung's "AAWWWW" that Jimin looks up to see him wear a cute flower crown on his head and ducking to read the note that was kept along with it in the box:

"You want to be a princess, be one! You already are! Don't let people dictate who you are. The next gift will be the last. Till then, love xoxo"

"SEE JIMIN!! MAYBE HE'S NOT A STALKER OR A CREEP! HE WANTS TO MEET YOU JUST WAIT A BIT LONGER!! He even called you a princess!! Aww.... Jimin he knows you so well... you finally got your prince charming!"

Those words.

He had heard them before.

Not Taehyung's. But the note.


~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪


When he was in 6th grade and he had tried on Minji's tiara who was playing the role of Elsa because it looked pretty and he also wanted to look pretty like a princess but every guy in his class had laughed at him and called him a girl and a princess. He had felt so bad that he had ran to Yoongi's class which fortunately had been cancelled so he was free. Those were the exact words that Yoongi had spoken to him then.

"Don't let people affect you. You want to look pretty? You go and look pretty. You want to be a princess? You go and wear tiara or whatever you wanna do, do it! You already are a princess don't let them dictate who you are.. okay? Being called a princess ain't even an insult. You looked so pretty they must have been all jealous."

And Jimin had just repeated, "I am a princess."



~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~▪~


Why is Min Yoongi affecting his life so much?? Why does everything have to remind him of Yoongi? He just gets up and locks him in his room leaving a confused Tae behind him.

 

Why can't Yoongi just let him be? Why was he still affected by him? By the memories? By all the good time they had spent together?

Jimin knew he was acting pathetic. Thinking about a guy who hated him with so much venegance. Letting that guy dictate his life even now.

He was done feeling bad about it.

He would move on. He should not let Yoongi screw up another part of his life.

So he does that, immersing himself with his assignments and practices. Working till late, perfecting his moves. He just needed to focus on something else, anything that's not that fucker.

 

9th) a heartbreaking gift

He was excited for his last gift. He didn't know when he'll get it but he was waiting like crazy for it. He just wanted to meet his mystery guy.
He was just thinking about it all when on his way out from the dance practice room that he was tapped on his shoulders.
Turning around thinking that it must be one of his classmates, saying that he was shocked would be an understatement.
Seeing him stand in front of him, with his eyes casted down was none other than Min Yoongi. He hadn't seen him in over a month now. But the sharp pain in his gut, like the twisting of a knife , intensified. He couldn't help the anger that boiled over him.
Even after this long, Min Yoongi still held the power over him. And he loathed his own self over that.

"I think you dropped this.", he didn't even look up, his voice small and his hand holding out another purple parcel. This one small.
This was his last gift. And then he would get to meet his Mr. Mysterious. But the bitter taste that Yoongi's appearance had caused, still didn't lessen.
He quickly snatched the gift and moved outside. He needed to be alone, to open this. It took him a while to get back his breathing to normal and prevent his hands from shaking so bad.

 

 

He swore it was just from the excitement of this. He would finally get to meet this guy!

With slow hands he started to peel off the wrapping paper. Whatever it was, it was small and soft.

It was a yellow lace handkerchief.

And it looked old.

Um.. from all the gifts that he had received this one left him a bit clueless.

Fuck.. un-until.. wait.. n-no! It couldn't be.. FUCK NO!!!
This wasn't possible. It couldn't be!!
This couldn't be his mothers!! This fucking hell couldn't be his Mommy's.

Fuck, he let out a loud sob. Curling onto himself. Making himself smaller and just burying his face into it. Inhaling it in. He felt like he could still smell his mommy's perfume from it. However impossible might that be. A slip fell out from between the folds. Reading:

"I have been the worst. Am sorry for never being the friend you wanted me to be. Am sorry for being such a prick. I just want to talk to you once. Give me a chance to appologise to you. I'll be waiting for you at the top of our college building. It's okay if you don't want to come. I get it. But I'll wait for you. Love MYG"

Things didn't make any sense to him or he didn't want them to make sense.
Because it hurt.
It hurt like a bitch.
It had been Yoongi all along. He had been playing with his feelings.
There was no Mr. Mysterious out there.
It was just Yoongi toying with him. Maybe laugh behind his back with his jackass friends over how Jimin blushed and was excited when he saw Jimin get the gifts.
Even he never thought that Yoongi would stoop this low.
He was so done. Holding the lace hanky in his tight fists, he runs fast towards the stairs. Wiping the snot and tears at his sleeves. He was going to kill Yoongi and there weren't two ways about it.

Reaching the top of the stairs, he tries to control his harsh breath.

Entering the terrace, he comes face to face with Yoongi.

"You came."

A sharp slap and then silence.
His cheek hurt. But he knew he deserved it.
This wasn't anywhere close to what he had done.

"What the fuck do you think of yourself Min Yoongi? Did you get a good laugh? At my expense? Did i make you and your friends laugh at how pathetic i can be? You like playing with someone's feelings don't you?!! You were my fucking best friend!! I loved you! Fucking hell I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU YOONGI!! But if you felt so disgusted by me-

"You were //in// love with me?", he whispers softly into the air. But Jimin still catches it, "Unfortunately, yes. I don't even remember why. Maybe i didn't know you that well then, as well as i had thought. Thankyou for showing me this real side of yours. Letting me see how wrong i was."

"I love you Park Jimin. I love you and i have loved you all my life.", it's the way he says it, completely broken. His voice still not above a whisper. And tears streaming down his face. It crushes him.

"This isn't some fucking joke Yoongi! You are just pathetic, that's what you are. I am begging you don't break me more than i already am." And with that he turns to leave.

"I have loved you since the first day I saw you. You were my first love. You have been the only guy i have ever been in love with.  The first time i realised it, i cried myself to sleep. I thought you would hate me. And i didn't want to loose you. I didn't want you to find me disgusting and be disappointed. So i never told you. I thought it would be easy to just remain friends. And it was. But i don't know how some guys from my class saw through it. Maybe i wasn't as good at hiding it as i thought myself to be. It sort of got ugly. And i didn't want you to get dragged into my stuff. I was already disgusted by myself. I just want you to forgive me. Just give me a chance to show you that I am not a dick. Let me make it up to you. I don't want you to hate me. Even the thought of you hating me and hurting because of me... it- it- Please don't hate me." , his soft voice breaking in the end.

Jimin scrunched his eyes shut. Tears filling up again. He couldn't move. His legs wouldn't cooperate. He turned around slowly.  The sight in front of him crushing him more. Making it difficult to breathe. Yoongi looked so broken and he was crying now. Tears  flowing down his face. And he made no move to wipe at them. He hadn't seen Yoongi cry ever. Not even when his granny had died. And he was the closest to her.

"How could you even think I would be disgusted by you? Ever? You were my best friend! You were my only friend. For fucks sake I was in love with you!"

"I don't have a reason enough to explain myself. I am sorry for having disappointed you. I am sorry for having hurt you. I just didn't want you to be associated with someone like me-"

"Someone who is gay?"

Yoongi flinches at the tone.

"I didn't- I-I don't-"

Letting out a soft "Yoongi", Jimin flungs himself on Yoongi. Hugging him so tight. Just like how Yoongi used to hug him when he felt down, when he messed up or when his insecurities took a toll on him.

It felt safe.
It felt warm.
It felt like home.
Like getting home after a long exhauting day.
Like a warm sunny day in the middle of extreme winters.

He tucked his head in Yoongi's neck. Breathing in the same familiar scent. Rubbing his back softly. He starts humming Taeyang's Naman Barabwa.

"So you like my voice hyung? And you think I am pretty?"
Lifting his head up he looked into Jimin's eyes, he smiled softly, "You have the prettiest voice. I still have your cassettes that we had recorded. I listen to it whenever i can't sleep. And I swear on God that I didn't mean it when I called you ugly. You are the most beautiful guy i have ever seen, everytime you smile it's like, like you are the sun. I was- I just- got jealous when i saw you kiss that guy. Wait... are you dating him? Not that it's anything bad but i just-"

Jimin leans closer.. their noses nearly touching, their breath mingling together,
"What do you think, hyung? Did we look good together? He even kissed me good.", Jimin slowly peeks out his tongue licking his lower lip.

"Did he now?", his eyes flickering downwards, seeing his plush full lips, glistening with saliva.

"Jimin I-", "Shh..."

He stares at Yoongi's lips, Still not making a move towards him.

"Hyuuuunggg~~", Jimin fists his shirt and pulls him closer till their lips crash together.

Yoongi's lips moulding perfectly with his. They were softer than he had imagined. Jimin nips at his lips, making Yoongi let out a small gasp. Wasting no time, he slides his tongue inside. Tasting him. Deepening the kiss.
Yoongi's hold on him tightens.

"Hyung! Why are you so stiff?? It's like you are kissing someone for the first time!", Jimin giggles softly looking at Yoongi's expression.
Yoongi trying not to make any eye contact with Jimin.

And then it clicks.

"Wait.... Was this really your first kiss?"
"Was I bad? I mean, I am still new to this so.."

Jimin clashes their lips together again. Kissing him like a starved man. And heaven knows that he had been starved.

He mutters between the kisses, "You have no idea how hot you are hyung! And i love you so so so much."

Between their heavy makeout session, Yoongi suddenly remembers something.

"Jimin-ah, I got you s-something else too.", the tips of his ears getting red, making Jimin coo softly at that.

"Aww hyung! Really? What is it? But wait... first let me tell you something, don't think I have forgiven you yet. You'll have to earn it! You have hurt me and my cute little heart way too much for it."

It's comical how Yoongi's expression goes from smiling softly and getting embarrassed to solemnly serious in seconds.

"Ofcourse Jimin-ah! Hyung knows that. I have been a really bad hyung to you. I'll make it up to you anyhow you want. For my whole life."

"Be my boyfriend hyung?"

Yoongi chokes on his spit at that. Coughing loudly and trying to nod his head... making an altogether comical sight.

"What?? I mean- Y-yes if you want?"

"Now boyfriend... can i get my gift and my kisses?"
Yoongi turns around and picks up the box that he hadn't noticed before.

"Don't be weirded out by this... okay? It's just me apologising for what i did and said.", and with that he more or less pushes the box into Jimin's hand. Looking way too embarrassed and awkward.

Quickly tearing away the wrapper, Jimin starts giggling uncontrollably.

It was lingerie.

Not the cheap type that he had bought after saving for months but really good and they were so soft. That he couldn't help but caress it between his fingers.

"Hyung, don't you think we are moving forward too fast? Come on! You just had your first kiss and you are already gifting me pretty lacy panties?", he pokes into Yoongi's soft tummy at that.

"I-  I-  Its not like that!! I don't- No shit. I messed up didn't I? I just meant to apologise for what i said there. You-  I-  I mean-"

He cuts him off with a small kiss at the tip of his nose, "God!! I was teasing you! Come on hyung! You need to know that i haven't changed in all these years."

This makes Yoongi pout a bit.

"Hyung... tell me, did I look good in them?"

"Ofcourse! You looked really hot! I just thought you were wearing them for someone else."

"So, boyfriend-hyung... can I please wear it for our first time? I want to ride you wearing them..."

 

 

And Min Yoongi positively dies at that.