INTERIOR POLICE STATION
Bobby One: What’s near to them?
Bobby Two: Let’s check the map. [rustles] Nearest road is … three miles by foot, the A830. House is, well, the bothy, but beyond that still more’n three miles. Train line runs right by them, though. D'ya think we could stop a train?
Bobby One: Oi’ve always wanted to stop a train. Whose line is it?
Bobby Two: Should be Network Rail, innit?
Bobby One: Yea but that’s everyone.
Bobby Two: True. West Coast Line, would be … eh let’s just call up Network Rail and see who runs trains there.
one annoying phone conversation later
Bobby Two: Right, that’s Caledonian Sleeper, ScotRail, and West Coast Railways.
Bobby One: Me mate works West Coast, I’ll take that one. You for Caledonian. Charlie!
Detective Charlie: (asleep at the desk) gnuf?
Bobby One: Oi, Charlie! Call up ScotRail and ask if they have anything on the West Coast Line today.
one annoying, one pleasant, and one enthusiastic phone conversation later
Bobby One: It is the very happiest day of my life.
Bobby Two: Why’s ‘at?
Bobby One: They’re stopping the Hogwarts Express for 'em.
Bobby Two: u wot m8?
Bobby One: (faster and higher pitched) They’re stopping the Hogwarts Express to pick up the family!
Bobby Two: They are? Well innit your lucky day.
Bobby One: eeeeeeeeeeeee
Bobby Two: … right. I’ll call ‘em up.
Bobby Two, on the phone: Right, sir, we’ve arranged for the next train to stop and pick you up, and you won’t believe who’s picking you up.
Bobby One: (in the background) eeeeeeeeeeee
Mr Cluett: Is that your kettle?