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Loving You In Illusions

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Long slender finger moved through medium length golden strands, gripping them slightly as their lips tenderly touched, sharing chaste and reserved kisses, trying to find their rhythm after such a foolish proclamation. Love, it didn’t exist, Sam knew that now but somehow he’d been caught up in it, professing some hidden affections that he thought had been friendship and realizing there had been more. He was an idiot, he knew that, it was going to be a mistake but he couldn’t stop himself. Why did it have to be Gabriel? He liked him well enough, but this? Where did it even come from? It didn’t seem to matter though, not in that moment with the archangel sitting on the kitchen counter, Sam standing between open legs, their bodies close, soft trembled kisses. It all happened so fast though unpredictable, it wasn’t something he hated, not something that had disgusted him. It felt good, the way their bodies had radiated with heat, a soft lust moving between them like a gentle gust of wind. There was only silence that surrounded them, only the deep breaths that accompanied the actions. They were both apprehensive about it but still wanting it, it was like that moment before the hot passionate kiss that would snowball into something neither of them could forget.

“Dude, we’re here”

Sam was bought out of his dream state by his brother’s voice. There was a sensation of disappointment as the brunette rubbed hazel eyes and pulled at the crotch of his jeans to try and make being erect more comfortable, which was not an easy feat for him. Sam wasn’t the kind to brag but he was quite gifted when it came to what was hidden in his boxers. He cleared his throat and sat up in the passenger seat, looking around them. It had been raining, the droplet of water were still streaming down the Impala’s windows, outside there was a misted haze around a red neon light that showed there was a vacancy at the small motel. They must have been on the road for at least ten hours for them to be in Wisconsin which was where the sign was indicating where they were.

“Sorry, I guess I was tired”

“Yeah, well me too that’s why I’m calling it for the night. I got some burgers and beer with my name on it, all I need is some porn and I’m as happy as clam. Come on, I’m starved”

Dean was always starving. The younger Winchester sibling released the seat belt from around him and got out of the car. Closing the door behind him he looked up to the darkened sky. Not a single star could be seen, hidden under the dense clouds, the raindrops cascading down dripped onto his hair, dampening it within a few moments. What was that dream? He had never seen or felt anything like it before. He wasn’t afraid to explore his sexuality like Dean, Sam really didn’t care about gender or sexuality so much, it was just chance that he had always been with women. Maybe there was something special between him and Gabriel, maybe there wasn’t, it was hard to say and he was slightly jaded after the deaths of the women he had been with so even if they did have that bond, he would have been oblivious to it because he couldn’t believe that anything good ever came out of love, it was impossible to think that he could ever really have it again.

“Sammy? What the hell are you doing, get out of the rain”

He shook himself back to reality, grabbing the bag from the back and running over to the shelter of the motel. He took his key for his room from Dean who was looking at him with concern. He had seen that look more times than any other one, he loved that Dean worried about him but he hated that he was being treated like a child even though he was already in his late thirties it was frustrating to him but he could never say anything, more than anything, he hated being the reason why his brother was upset or sulking, it wasn’t a good feeling and with everything else, the last thing he wanted to feel was guilt.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah” Sam smiled, looking down at his wet shoes and then back up again, making sure that the smile was as believable as possible “Yeah, of course, just be glad to get into a bed that’s all. I’ll see you in the morning”

He knew he had moved way to quickly, getting into the room and closing the door behind him. Sam dropped the bag by the doorway, not really thinking too much about it. The room looked like it belonged on the set of some cheesy eighties or early nineties family television show like the Brady Bunch. The wall paper resembled vomit and the carpet had definitely seen better days but he was alone and a bed was a bed even if he was too tall to fit on it, that was the most cases for him though, even the bed at home was pushing it to contain him but that was what happened being six foot three.

His back hit the mattress with a ricochet that caused the bed to creak a little, not caring that he was damp. Eye’s focusing on what was probably a once white ceiling that was now tainted with stains of cigarette smoke and probably even blood that the manager would have feverishly tried to cover up. It wasn’t anything that made him squeamish, they had seen things far worse then a little blood. He just couldn’t understand why he would dream it. Gabriel had been gone for so long, he had thought about him on and off, prayed to him sometimes but it wasn’t like it was in that dream, it had felt all too real. It was more like being present, like an alternate reality or something, it just didn’t make a lot of sense but there was nothing about it that was unpleasant other than the thought that since he had been so jaded that he would end up hurting Gabriel. The archangel wouldn’t have taken love seriously though, would he? That was what Sam knew he would be obsessing about, trying to rationalize what had clearly been nothing but fantasy.

It felt so random but what he had been going through in the dream was everything. It had felt happy and that wasn’t something he had genuinely felt in a long time, it was something where the only thing he had to worry about was where it was going, what it meant and considering what was usually on his mind it was very simple and comforting. This was uncharted territory and he wanted to speak to Castiel, he was the only one that was going to understand and he couldn’t speak to Dean, he barely tolerated Gabriel and he couldn’t even come to terms with his own sexuality let alone Sam’s confusion. There was no other choice, Cas was always very blunt and he would say it how it was, he knew Gabriel better than anyone else Sam knew so it had been the only option.

He was weighing the pros and cons, deciding to sleep on it. If he still felt the same way in the morning then he knew that he needed to talk to Castiel. Even though they hadn’t made it obvious in words, Sam knew the angel and Dean had something there and he was all for it so it might have also been an opportunity to find out what was up with that, to calm his inner fanboy, but mostly, he needed to know about Gabriel, the Gabriel that was more then that trickster. Was there even a side to him that Sam saw in the dream. He knew he was a flirt and he probably had sex a lot, one night stands or what ever tickled his fancy at the time but the hunter wasn’t like that, he didn’t have that instinct to just have random sex with strangers and not even know their name, he wouldn’t say it but that was the only thing that he silently judged his brother for.

As he closed his eyes, it started to play out again and Sam just let it happen. He’d walk into the kitchen, Gabriel would be in there, lollipop pushed into one of his cheeks, golden eyes watching him as he moved around the island counter in the middle of the room, looking over to the archangel as he was watched every few seconds, smiling, looking away but knowing his smile was contagious. They didn’t say anything, just looked at each other happily and Sam would make his way over, still with no words, take the lollipop from Gabriel’s mouth and then they would touch and kiss and that was when the first word was said “I love you” the words came from his mouth without thought. He didn’t mean to say them they just had be spoken. It was a repeat of his dream in the car but more in depth. He wasn’t awaken so the brunette allowed the dream to continue.
Gabriel smiled against his lips, their eyes opening and meeting each other’s. When was the last time he said those words? I love you? Maybe a few years, maybe more. Did he love Gabriel in a way that warranted the I part, he could have said ‘love you’ and it could have been taken as nonchalant as however the angel wanted to take it but he had ‘I love you’ and somehow to him, that one letter changed the whole meaning to the word. Just saying love you was something he could have said to anyone.

“I love you too, kiddo” It was all Gabriel in those words too. He could hear his voice and he would never get used to being called kiddo but that was the archangel. A sassy little thing with a sarcastic and often sexualized way of speaking, sweet but also very douchey but impossible not to like, even more impossible not to love. Sam didn’t know what this was but he did know that it wasn’t because he was jealous of Dean and Cas and their “relationship” he was happy for whatever it was they had going on and he wasn’t lonely either, they had more than enough of all sorts of beings coming and going from their lives that he didn’t have time to wallow in any kind of loneliness but Gabriel made him feel different than others did. It was like he didn’t need to say anything and the blonde archangel just knew.

Sam continued to keep his eyes closed, not in a dream like state but just watching, like he would a movie. Not that he indulged that much in them, he would rather read but this was like some romance erotica novel too, it felt so real and so sensual. He could feel his dick growing in the vision and then in reality. His hand pawing at it through his jeans as he continued to watch it unfold.

The kisses became more wild, unabashed. They were deep and long, hot and wet. Tongues rubbed and tangled, soft moans of ecstasy rumbled inside their throats “Gabriel” Sam whispered to himself as he popped open the button on the denim, pulled down the zipper and fished out his cock from his silk boxers. His fully erect length throbbed in the palm of his hand, the rather sizable, long, rigid dick felt hot in his hands as he slowly started to stroke.

They were getting more heated now, he could see himself reaching into Gabriel’s pants. He could feel the archangel was hard too. He palmed it, it felt so damn good to touch him like that, to feel the smoothness and sponginess of the head, the wet heat of the precum that pearled at the slit. He didn’t even think that he may not have been worthy enough to touch Gabriel that way, all he wanted was the blonde that was sitting on the counter, moaning sweet nothings against his lips as they shared more embraces.

“Hello Sam”

The brunette jumped, opening his eyes and falling from the bed. He scurried to put his dick away, standing and his jeans falling around his ankles. This was the second time he was awoken from his dream and he wasn’t too happy.

“Cas? What are you...read the room man, what’s up? Dean’s next door, watching porn” He felt embarrassed and yet the angel just stood there as if everything was perfectly fine as if he had no problem seeing him with his dick out. It might have been fine for the seraph but it wasn’t okay for the hunter. Sam grabbed his jeans, pulling them back up and kicking off his boots before sitting on the bed, leaning forward to hide what he had just been doing, not that it had really mattered since Cas had been privy to it, in act how long had he been standing there?

“I’m here to speak with you. While he always seems to be where my concern needs to lie due to his unwavering stupidity and inability to express his emotions like a “normal” human being. It’s your distress that I picked up on and I would like to discuss it with you”

At least he was straight to the point and hit the nail on the end regarding the older Winchester sibling. He gestured for Cas to sit on the other bed that was a few feet away. He was actually kind of grateful that Cas had come to him, albeit, a different time would have been preferable. It meant that he didn’t have to awkwardly arrange to meet with him and then find away to bring up his problem. It was going to sound crazy irregardless.

“It only happened twice, earlier today and just now when you interrupted me. I have these, I guess they are dreams? Of being with Gabriel”

He could already see the perplexed look on Cas’ face, that slight squinting of his eyes, head tilted to the side, it was such a trademark look that they stopped asking what he was confused about and just jumped right in knowing that still, even after all that time with them, he still wasn’t used to the terminology and synonyms for having sex, it was something that seemed to forever allude the angel and though it was frustrating at time, he could see the way Dean secretly smiled because of it, it was, occasionally, pretty darn cute.

“Sex, Cas, I’ve been leading up to sex with Gabriel, in my dreams, visions what ever you want to call them”

As soon as he said sex he watched the celestial becoming increasingly uncomfortable. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. He wasn’t as innocent as he portrayed himself to be but as far as Sam was aware, the rather old angel had only ever had sex once and he was in constant turmoil regarding just how deep his love for Dean ran.

“I know you really don’t want to hear that but I don’t have anyone else to talk to”

“You are correct, I wasn’t prepared to hear you speak of intercourse with essentially my older sibling. But I understand that this is something siblings discuss with one another and given Dean’s dislike of Gabriel then the least I can do is hear your...troubles and try and find a solution with you. Does this...prelude to intercourse cause you the distress?”

Sam shook his head. There was nothing about the physical that was happening that was problematic for him, other than knowing that it was probably a mistake because he knew that because of him Gabriel would end up dead, he wanted to stop himself but he couldn’t. He knew that it was only a dream but for all he knew that didn’t matter, his lovers could have just been susceptible to it as those he slept with or felt something for in real life. He didn’t want someone else to die because of him.

“No. I like the affection and what we share in the dreams. Cas I kill people, I may not pull the trigger but I provide the gun and ammunition. Gabriel is an archangel I get that but I’ve been the reason women have died, what would make him any less vulnerable? I don’t remember what it’s like to be in love but I tell him that I love him, and not in the way I love Dean or you or any other family. I say to him as if I’d die without him. That’s what causes the distress”

His voice shook a little. Sam always did everything he could not to cry. He wouldn’t allow himself to get to that point, sadness was easy to feel but like Dean, he remembered that he had no choice but to be tough, that even death wasn’t something that they could shed tears over. He had cried before but it wasn’t a common occurrence, Dean too, though his older brother seemed less ashamed to do so, which Sam was extremely grateful for.

He watched Cas process the information that he got. The wheels in his head turning but he didn’t look confused which meant he understood what had been said and he was searching for what to say. He was a good guy, Cas, because when he did go to speak he took a moment to think about it because he didn’t want to cause upset. He hadn’t always been like that, the Cas he knew when they first met and the Cas with him now were two different beings, this one was far more favorable.

 

“I don’t believe that I need to state the obvious and tell you that you are not the reason your past lovers have passed away. You didn’t voluntarily become apart of their lives just to see it come to an end. You can’t blame yourself for them Sam. I understand that saying that doesn’t mean too much and it won’t stop you from thinking of yourself as a cause to their demise but you aren’t to be held accountable for it”

Cas moved from the bed across from him and started to slowly walk around the room. Sam watched as the angel paced. He was right, saying he wasn’t the cause wasn’t going to stop him from believing he was but it was nice to have an angel on his side, someone who understood death and the afterlife more than he probably ever could. It was comforting to know that his brothers, blood and adopted, were on his side and didn’t think he was a monster or a murderer. It did hold a good deal of merit.

“When I was first created, our father, as you could imagine, was a rather busy man. He had many other things to attend to so he asked for the older angels to mold the younger. Train them. Gabriel was one of those that was an essential part in raising me, just as Dean was with you. Gabriel was never like anyone else, even in the beginning, even in his angel form, he was different and I suppose that his influence made me more like him as time went on”

The angel sat back down across from him. This was already calming him, listening to Cas talk about Gabriel not in any other way then a brother reciting what his older sibling was like. It felt like what one would do at a funeral giving a eulogy, but never-the-less Sam continued to listen to Cas, trying to understand more about the archangel, the parts he didn’t get to see.

“He had a comical side to him, not something present in any kind of angel, not typically, especially when we are in our natural forms and with a strict outline of where we stand. He liked humans though, he liked that most of them tried, they tried to be better people, tried to right wrongs, change the world in a small way. He always tried to see the good in everyone, even Lucifer”

Sam smiled, it had warmed his heart to hear that. He already knew that Gabriel wasn’t like anyone else but hearing that he had always been that way meant that he never had to think about the archangel being like Michael or Lucifer, he didn’t have to worry that the angel he liked as much as he did was ever that much of an asshole. Though he certainly did some shitty things, everyone did but the things that he had done, didn’t deserve a condemning and at that thought Sam had started to see that perhaps he had been holding onto the guilt of his dead lovers in a way where he felt like the murderer, even though he wasn’t.

“I admit, when you and I met I judged you far too harshly. I said things that I shouldn’t have, that was my fault and for that I apologize but when Gabriel knew of you, when he understood and saw what you had been through as an individual, he knew that you weren’t that boy with demon blood in your veins. He knew that you weren’t that abomination. I feel bad for ever thinking it myself but he never saw you the way the rest of us did, Sam, even the way Dean did”

“So, it’s a subconscious thing? My brain just seems to have this understanding that he’s the only one that didn’t think I was evil or just some kid with the wrong end of the stick? Why wouldn’t he tell me that?” If it was true that Gabriel always had belief in him, knew he wasn’t a bad person then why hadn’t he been there? Sam knew a great deal about angels through research, through conversations with Cas and brief encounters with others like Balthazar, he had idea’s of everything from creation to the rules, even that they exhibited certain mating patterns just like birds did. He didn’t know everything but he liked to believe that he had a decent amount of knowledge and even as he asked Cas that question, he already knew the answer to it, he knew why Gabriel hadn’t, or more so to the point, couldn’t be there.

“Possibly. I can’t be sure why you are having erotic dreams regarding Gabriel but what I am sure of is that he considers you in high regard Sam. Gabriel will rarely show a serious side to things, he will use his humor to cover up more intense emotions, even he hasn’t felt certain things before and he is much older then I am. If you would like my opinion on it, I wouldn’t be surprised if he would be fearful regarding love. He only knows it destroys and tears people apart. He doesn’t know the other side of it, what it can truly mean”

And just like that Cas was gone, but not far. As soon as he flashed himself out of the room he could hear “Dammit Cas!” through the wall. Sam could feel that his anguish regarding the situation was gone and he did actually feel more comfortable and more at ease with everything. Cas had been able to put some things into perspective and that was more helpful then what he could have hoped for.

Sam stripped off his jeans, took off his flannel and got back onto the bed, allowing his thoughts to drift back to what he was starting to touch himself over. This time though as he lulled into sleep with the thoughts of him and Gabriel being intimate, he wasn’t feeling scared that he would feel like it was a mistake, he wasn’t worried that he was going to be the reason that Gabriel ended up dead.

Sam stretched as he woke up. His hand stuck inside his boxers and he could feel the emissions from the night before. He pulled his hand out, screwing up his nose at the dried semen that was stuck to it. He hadn’t had a wet dream since he was a teenager and it was just as embarrassing back then as it was in that moment. He could still hear Dean snoring next door. He was thankful he had fallen asleep before his brother, he was never keen to be staying in a hotel in the same room or next to the blonde when he seemed to find it impossible to keep away from his dick, even though it was extremely inappropriate, which Dean really had no concern about.

He pulled himself up, heading to the bathroom to take a shower and clean off, washing away the sins of the night. He was happy though. Sam remembered feeling nothing but good because of it. He wasn’t concerned about killing Gabriel, he wasn’t worried about saying ‘I love you’ Cas had bought him a sense of peace that maybe it wasn’t just Sam that would be feeling they had something that Gabriel was feeling it too or had at least contemplated it. Cas said that Gabriel held him in high regard, though to what extent? It didn’t really matter because it meant that the archangel liked him at that was a good start to anything that could or might happen in the future.

The brunette wasn’t sure anything would ever come out of his interactions with Gabriel, if his dreams were just a mirror of his desire to be closer to him, or if they actually had meaning to them. He didn’t want to analyze them and make it into something that it wasn’t, he knew that was the worst thing he could have done for himself. Though Cas made him feel more at ease about it, he was still wary to get close to anyone, especially when he didn’t know how Gabriel would feel about it all. Maybe he would be completely repulsed by it, maybe Sam was more invested into it then Gabe was, he didn’t know, he didn’t have answers and he wasn’t sure that he ever would either, he may never see Gabriel again for all he knew.

It was almost perfect timing when he had finished getting dressed and made the bed, tucking away his tainted boxers to wash at the next opportunity, Dean was knocking on his door and entering without confirmation with Cas right behind him. “Chop, chop Sammy, we’re wasting daylight. I want to get over to the morgue see what this so call body is looking like” The blonde was oddly jaunty for someone who couldn’t function early in the morning without coffee. Sam could only think it was because he got lucky, he didn’t want to be presumptuous but Cas showing up and Dean being in a good mood always went hand in hand. He’d never seen his brother happier than he was when he was with Cas, or just having spoken to him on the phone. One day he was going to have to yell at them to just get it on because it was obvious, even to strangers there was a lot of love there and fuck ton of sexual tension.

“And where did you stay last night Cas?”

“With Dean”

He saw the blonde shoot the angel a look and it made Sam lightly chuckle. He could always trust Cas to blurt out the truth even though they probably had multiple conversations about not disclosing private information, it made Sam internally humored it was an interesting relationship to say the least but at least there was complexity to it, there wasn’t anything boring that could be yawned at.

Even as they suited up to check out the body at the morgue, Sam was distracted. He wanted to see Gabriel but he was also contemplating if that was even a good idea. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what the archangel thought of what Sam had been dreaming about, masturbating over. He’d probably make fun of him and the situation, but Cas said that Gabriel covered up the real feelings with humor so even if he did tell Gabe and he had a weird reaction was it even the real one? It was far too complicated. As they worked, he tried to be in the moment as possible, answering questions, projecting his theories and them ultimately concluding it needed to have research to see what kind of creature would treat it’s victims in that way.

Sam had decided to head back to the room with his laptop. He wasn’t going to be able to get any work done, but at least he could be by himself and have some peace to try and sort out his mind. Though he had no ill feelings about the dreams that he had, it was now weighing down on him. Sam had to speak to Gabriel, it had to either be squashed or explored, nothing was going to change unless they went through it, unless they sorted it out and Sam had some kind of answer to it because as long as it was a thought or a possibility, there was never going to be a resolve.

He knew how to get to Gabriel, he knew praying to him was the direct line but they hadn’t seen or heard from him in so long, Sam wasn’t sure that the archangel even wanted anything to do with them anymore given what kind of shit followed them, and how interested Lucifer was with their lives too. That was something Gabriel left because of, Sam didn’t have a good conscious to bring him back into it, but he wanted to see him, He wanted to just know, even if it was through some pray or even a text that it was all one sided and he could put it to rest.

“Gabriel, it’s Sam. Sam Winchester” He felt silly really, he hadn’t prayed in a while. He didn’t fold his hands or interlock his fingers, he didn’t look up to the ceiling, he just spoke, like he would have if Gabriel was there with him, he didn’t need the glitz and the glamour, he knew that. He didn’t need to have an alter of candles or his statue being worshiped, Sam knew he’d hear him, even if he didn’t want to. “This isn’t me calling in a favor or anything, it’s because I want to see you. So, get this, Ah.. I’ve had a couple of dreams about you. I won’t go into detail about anything, it seems wrong to even bring it up really but I don’t think I really have to tell you, at least I’m kind of hoping that you would know already” He didn’t know how exactly Gabriel would know, a part of him hoped that Castiel would have said something, maybe just thinking about the archangel would have sparked something, been like a bat signal? It wasn’t a stupid thought, it was very plausible, if they heard prayers spoken in the mind then they surely would have heard when their name was called or when they were the focus of thought. “I guess I wanted to talk to you about them, not out of expectation for anything in particular but because I just want to know what it’s about, why it’s happening and whatever”

There was silence. Not a voice or a fluttering of wings, no wise crack or the smell of candy in the air. It was complete silence and yet he wasn’t at all surprised. After the trouble they caused, after the mess they had made, after choosing the wrong choices and making it feel like hell on Earth, it really wasn’t a shock that Gabriel wanted nothing to do with it. With him. Sam sighed, opening up the laptop and getting down to work, trying to pinpoint what kind of monster they were dealing with. As some point he had fallen asleep and it hadn’t been waking up that made him realize it either but that it was another lucid dream.

Beneath his bare feet, the thick, smooth green grass, behind him mountains that looked blue from the distance, the sky was clear of any clouds and the sun was bright and warm without being too hot. It seemed to go on forever, the landscape. There was no change in any of it and yet it was peaceful, calming, it was like a resting place or something that had been untouched in forever. There was the sound of a waterfall though, a rushing of water but not one could be seen. Hazel eyes moved around the landscape, he wasn’t sure that he had seen anything more beautiful in his life, or at least something that he had been able to stop and admire anyway. “Gabriel?” he called out, he could hear his own voice being carried out on the gentle breeze that gently gathered up the ends of his shoulder length chestnut brown hair.

“Hey Sammich, what’s kicking?”

He spun around to the sound of the voice, stopping when he set his eyes on the archangel. He was dressed differently though, in something that was similar to a Toga. Six large ethereal golden wings were spread out on display, almost glowing in the sunlight and yet they weren’t solid, they were gossamer feathers and still they seemed as strong a steel. This was not a dream he had before and there had been days that had felt less real then that moment.

“Where am I?” His curiosity feigned him, he wanted to hope this was some version of heaven, or perhaps it was was nothing more than just a happy place for Gabriel, that was why he was bought there. Normally his mind was filled with nightmares, horrible images that he wished was fiction but had been more real as breathing or eating, they had tormented him and since dreaming of the archangel it hadn’t been like that, it hadn’t been filled with things that made him wish he had just said no to Dean that day, many years ago when he came looking for him to find their father.

“Well that little detail doesn’t matter so much, why you are here is more so to the point”

“Okay, why am I here?”

Almost as quick as he could blink the scenery had changed to a room that he supposed was like a hotel room but one that would have been inside the Hilton or somewhere that only the rich and famous stopped by. It was beautiful though unnecessarily lavish still something that would be spat at by those who believed they deserved the world. Everything was white, adorned with gold, like a royals bedroom. He still wasn’t sure where he was but Gabriel was right, the more important question was why.

“You tell me Sammykins, why are you here? From the moose’s mouth ...you’ve been a naughty boy”

So Gabriel did hear him. He wasn’t so sure that he was dreaming anymore, that this was more than a dream, a hallucination or something, there was no other way to put it. He had visions before, vivid altered states but it was always something horrible, something scary or some foreseeable disaster that would end up being a premonition, this was out of his wheelhouse, unfamiliar in every way. If this ended up as a nightmare, he swore to himself, he was never going to sleep again.

“I’ve been dreaming about you, we’re intimate and it feels like it should be that way and I can feel myself falling love with you, and when you say you love me, it’s like you really mean it. I just need to know Gabriel, if you know why this is happening to me, if you know why I am feeling this?”

God, he hoped that the angel knew, he hoped that he wasn’t going to wake up with cum tainting his boxers again or left wondering why. He just wanted it to have something, so he knew that it wasn’t just fantasy and if it was just him, if this was all one sided then what could he do to stop it from happening again. Sam didn’t feel like he had the time to waste, he was getting older and with his many failed relationships, he didn’t want to handle another one, enough was enough so he had to know whether he needed to give up now or have hope that it could work out, that there was a chance for him and Gabriel to at least try something, or if the angel saw nothing more between them then they could at least be friends and he could put all the silly notions behind him and carry on but he himself had said the only way they were ever going to have a balanced life was if they shared it with someone who understood the hunting life, a human was no good, he already had that with Eileen and she was a hunter and she was killed, an archangel knew the life they lived and he couldn’t easily be disposed of, as far as Sam was concerned, this was his last chance at love before he completely shut off his jaded heart.

“You know calling out my name in lust is like a beacon to me, I’ve seen and heard it all Sam, and congratulations kiddo, nice package” The smaller male winked at him, pushing him back into the bed as Gabriel was taking a chair, pulling it over, pivoting in and sitting on it backwards. Their eyes were almost meeting, with a little bit of a head tilt back from the seraph.

Sam was nervous, what was he going to say? What was Gabriel going to even think? It was really mind blowing, it felt so real but also so dream-like there was a weird balancing act almost and he wasn’t even sure that this was a real conversation with the real Gabriel, if it wasn’t then what did he have to loose? If he just said everything the way it was then it wasn’t real anyway and if it was at least it was something that could be put to rest.

“Gabe...Why is this happening to me? I’m not complaining that it is happening but you have to understand that this is confusing for me. We’ve never been there before. We’ve shared some good times and we’ve bonded but...you don’t like me like that do you? I’d rather you just tell me how it is, just say it”

He wanted it to be like a bandaid, ripped off in one quick, swift motion and his wound may have bled for a while but eventually it would heal but it also meant that he knew that it was time to officially close his heart. He would know it was okay to give up on that dream of that perfect balanced life because it just wasn’t meant for him. It wasn’t a conclusion thought out in depression but logic, if it wouldn’t and couldn’t work with Gabriel then there wasn’t going to be anyone else, he was, beside Cas, the only angel he trusted and even if Dean did get irked by him, his brother didn’t hate him and knew that he could be trusted. This was it.

“Why wouldn’t I like you?”

“Because I’m just a human, you’re an archangel. Why would I ever be good enough?”

Gabriel looked at him like he was stupid, like he had said the most idiotic thing that he’d ever said. Then the smile, the one that told him in an instant that everything was going to be alright, no matter what words came out of his mouth next. The angel reached out his hand, lifting Sam’s chin a little so their eyes were back on one anothers and he slowly pulled his hand away. Sam was looking into those irises, an exquisite golden color, slightly light brown but it matched his wings perfectly that were still in view, the cellophane like appearance of them made it seem that they were half in this realm and half in the angelic realm, where they would always normally be, out of human sights but he could see them and they were awe inspiring.

“Hot guy like you, all ripped, tall drink of water with the fabulous hair? Why would you not be good enough? I’m not too much of a fan of Dean-o but you, you I like. You boys have got a gift, sure you started the apocalypse, freed Lucifer, unleashed the darkness, got heaven into some troubles but you in particular..I’ve seen a lot of humans in my time Sammy, but not like you. You’re my one in...In dunno...about five hundred billion, and I met Jesus, so I know what I’m talking about”

Sam breathed out audibly and smiled, biting his lip a little as he looked away. He wasn’t expecting that kind of response. Gabriel did like him, he was his one in five hundred billion. Sam wasn’t sure what to say, no one had ever said something like that to him, he had plenty of compliments before but nothing like what the angel just told him. It was more than just complimentry, for him to stand out of all the humans that Gabriel had ever seen, it was the highest form of flattery he could have ever received.

“Gabriel..I’m not sure what to say. Is this even real?”

He knew that there was a huge possibility that it wasn’t, he could wake up and none of it could be real, it could have all been a figment of his imagination and then it would have been something he only felt in his dream state and he didn’t want to live like that, he didn’t want to have a relationship with Gabe only in his hallucinations, that wasn’t fair. If it was all he could have then he would but he wanted more than that, he wanted to be selfish and to have him, really have him and not even he just closed his eyes, a coma would have been far too tempting.

“It’s as real as real gets kiddo. You think I bought you here to mess with you? Tempting as it is, you and I got stuff to figure out and I’ll even break down the walls for you. Just promise you wont go telling that tool of a brother of yours”

He wasn’t going to be telling Dean anything about this. He was going to end up wanting to baby him again and tell them that he wasn’t well or something along the lines. He was grateful for a protective brother that wanted to be a part of his life but this was something he had to pursue on his own and decide on his own and when the time came to tell Dean he’d let him know that he and Gabriel were exploring what it was that was between them, hopefully with no fear that he would cause the archangel’s death.

“I promise”

“Good. Sam, I know love, but the way I know love is I love my siblings, even the dick ones. I love my father, I love Earth and people, candy...puppies. I love torturing Dean and driving him crazy, I love that most humans try to be the best people they can be, but in love...well, that’s where things get tricky dicky for me”

He watched the archangel stand and he walked around the chair, sitting beside him. Sam turned his head to look at Gabriel who was looking forward rather than at him. The hunter could feel those tough but stunning wings gently grazing his own back and it caused his dick to twitch in anticipation. It was involuntary, he didn’t think it would do that in response but it was a wonderful sensation and Gabriel’s wings were filling the room with a potent scent that made Sam feel slightly dizzy and as if he had been on the happy buzz when beginning to feel tipsy.

“This is hardly pulling the bandaid off Gabe”

“I’m not supposed to feel that kind of thing for anyone, which of course you know that’s a rule that gets broken all the time. I like you Sam, I like you a lot. You’re here because you should know that it’s okay to have those sexy little dreams you’ve been having cause it’s not one sided okay, you just gotta give me some time moose, I promise, I’ll come see you”

And he was awake again. Sam was panting as he opened his eyes, he could still feel Gabriel on him, those wings touching his back, the aroma of rose and myrrh stuck to his shirt and skin. It was real, he knew it was now. He could smell Gabriel all over himself, almost as if he had sprayed women’s perfume all over him.

 

Days turned to weeks and soon enough a month had approached since Sam had started having his dreams and visions of Gabriel. They hadn’t stopped since their meeting, they only seemed to intensify more. He wasn’t able to talk about them with Dean, all the brunette could do was wait until Gabriel would deliver on his promise. Sam didn’t doubt at all the Gabe would come to him, if the archangel promised he would come, then he would come. He knew this had to be confusing for him too. Castiel said that his “brother” hadn’t been in love before, well, not in those words but they were insinuated anyway and he couldn’t remember what it was like to be in love the first time but it was no doubt intimidating and it was something that needed to be considered before there was that absolute certainty that it was going to happen, that it wasn’t a waste of time. Sam wasn’t sure how he would feel if Gabe came to him and told him that there was nothing more.

He would have been pissed, he was sure, because Gabe said it was okay for him to keep having those dreams and if this was some sick joke of the archangel’s then the hunter was never going to forgive him, ever. But he wasn’t going to believe that even Gabe was that cruel, he was a dick sometimes but surely he wouldn’t be that mean. He needed someone in his corner and Gabriel had become his source of sanity, Sam would pray to him when he needed to but everything that he had been dreaming, it had only solidified everything and hearing the blonde say it, that there was something, it gave him such high hopes. He was a cursed man but he was riding on everything not leading to his heart being shattered.

He sighed as he was reading through the angel lore, reading what he had read a hundred times about the archangel. He had seen those words God knew how many times and yet it never deeply covered what he knew. Sam could hear the rain on the roof. The room was silent, there was only him sitting in the bunker, nothing but that scent still on his skin. Though he showered and changed quite regularly it was still there as if it had perforated his flesh and it was within his veins, Gabriel making his permanent mark on him. Of course Cas knew what the aroma was but Dean just made fun of it saying Sam needed to change his laundry detergent because he smelled like an old lady. He didn’t say anything about it being the archangel that was on him, he wasn’t ready for his brother to know, not until Gabriel was with him and they knew that it wasn’t going to end in goodbye, Sam didn’t want any more goodbyes.

The room filled with that rose and myrrh, Sam closed the book, letting it slip from his fingers and dropped it to the floor. Hazel eyes searching the darkened room and they set on the dusky figure that was resting against the wall. He could see the dim light streaming through those wings that he was still able to feel on himself. “Gabriel” Sam breathed out, his voice barely present but his heart was pounding, this had been the visit that he had been waiting for. He stood up, walking over to the archangel that wasn’t saying anything, he wasn’t moving. The closer that he got to the angel, the more the room seemed to fill with that aroma, it got stronger and more intoxicating. “Gabriel” he spoke his name again, the light from the hall finally reflecting on the angels face, he could see those golden eyes looking up to him. Sam swallowed hard in his throat as the archangel reached out, touching and holding his scruffy cheeks “There’s nothing in the world or any other that I wouldn’t do for you, including breaking the rules” Sam moved forward, his mouth finding Gabriel’s and kissing him deeply. He could feel the archangel holding his face as they kissed.

He pressed the smaller males back up against the wall, lifting him as he did, Gabriel wrapped his legs around his waist. Sam could feel everything in that embrace what he had felt in his dreams and hallucinations, he had finally what he wanted, that he had what he had craved, needed, desired and he wasn’t going to let go. He couldn’t. The hunter only pulled back when he needed to breathe. His forehead was resting against Gabriel’s and he was just breathing him in, taking every single scent, every single heat that poured off the both of them. This was really it.

“I thought you’d never come”

He was almost in disbelief that Gabriel was there but now that he was he hoped that the angel would never leave. He needed him, more than he cared to admit but he was sure he didn’t even have to say anything because they had their bond, it might not have been as strong as Cas’ and Dean’s but it was good and it was filled with the same sentiments.

“As if I wouldn’t”

He carried Gabriel towards his bedroom, holding him against himself. Their bodies close, their lips touching between breaths, there was nothing left to lose. Sam knew that even if Gabriel left in the morning then they had something that was never going to be able to be forgotten but right then all that mattered to the brunette was that he wanted Gabriel and Gabriel wanted him.

His back found the bed. He could feel the weight of the archangel on top of him, kissing him, touching him. Not so subtly moving his hands up Sam’s shirt and scanning the expanse of flesh beneath it. Every brush of those nimble fingers made the hunter quiver and his erection pulse in the confines of his jeans. It hadn’t taken long for it to be liberated from the prison, a soft moan leaving his lips and whispered against Gabriel’s as the angel touched him, stroking him slowly against the palm of his hand. Sam’s breathing trembled as the blonde moved against him. With nothing more then a snap of his fingers the seraph had disrobed them both. Hazel eyes widening when he could feel their naked bodies touching.

He ran his hands up over Gabriel’s body, touching his thighs, running up over his sides, chest and arms. Trying to get himself to remember every single inch of the angel, just so that he could never forget what it felt like in this moment. His eyes fixed on where he could see the wings, resplendent golden wings that moved on their own accord, shifting languidly through the humid heat of the room, they seemed to glow and the essence secreting from them dripped in slow droplets, touching his flesh and seeping into the bedding. He didn’t know what it was but he didn’t care, all he cared about was having Gabriel.

Large hands touching that sweet almost innocent looking face. Sam looked into those aurelian eyes “You’re beautiful Gabriel” he hoped that such a feminine sentiment wouldn’t cause offense but he could see the smile, the one that told him thank you without saying the actual words. He watched the celestial move a hand through his wing, collecting the oil that had formed on the feathers, taking it and Sam jolted a little when he could feel his erection being slicked with the lubrication, he didn’t panic, if it was harmful in anyway he knew that Gabriel wouldn’t have done it. He just stayed still, watching every motion and movement, trying to anticipate each action but nothing could have ever prepared him for what happened next. He knew it was going to happen but it was what he felt that he couldn’t predict. Gabriel was descending down on him. A tight heat encapsulating his cock, starting at the head and then the rest of his length. He gripped the archangels hips as every single inch was engulfed in that warmth. He could barely breathe, worried if he made a move or spoke any word that he would wake up and this would be a dream again, he was begging silently at that point that this wasn’t another one of his lucid hallucinations.

Gabriel looked down at him, leaning in and softly kissing him once more as they started to move simultaneously. Sam held onto the blonde as he rolled his hips in a rhythmic motion, he slowly gyrated his own hips upwards and they found their pace and complimentary thrusts. Soon the room was filled with the sounds of their love making, hot breaths, wild panting, moans, each others names spoken out in lust and ecstasy. Gabriel’s wings dripping with the scented oils that his skin absorbed. They moved faster the more intense it was becoming, Sam shifted them, switching their positions, laying the angel down on his bed, allowing that perfume to penetrate the bedding, the pillows, the sheets, the quilt, everything.

Their eyes found one anothers again, his hand wrapping around the shaft of the angels erection and as he made love to Gabriel he stroked him too, they were both close, he could feel himself on the edge, the faster they moved the harder it was to hold back. Sam could feel the heat rising to the pit of his stomach “Cum, Sam, let me feel you” Gabriel didn’t need to ask him twice, in a roar of pure euphoria he was releasing inside of the angel, pouring his own essence inside of him and then he felt the blonde cum too, between them. It was perfect, this was more than he had thought it could be, it was exponentially more pleasurable then anything he could have hallucinated.

He didn’t move or pull out, Sam just stayed still, looking down at Gabriel and the blonde looking up at him. It really did happen, the hunter on the verge of tears praying that this wasn’t just his imagination “It’s real Sam, it’s real” his lovers short breaths instantly calming his nerves and worries. Gabriel could hear his prayers, it meant that every single time that Sam did speak to him he had heard him, he wasn’t upset or annoyed that Gabe never spoke back, he was just relieved that he did know that he was talking to him, that he was the only angel that got Sam’s prayers.

Finally he pulled out, moving to lay beside the archangel who instantly shifted too, laying on his chest. Sam pressed a kiss into damp blonde tresses, just relishing in the aftermath of their reunion. He had needed it more than he thought he did. It was really everything and more than he could have hoped for. “Gabriel? I love you” Sam wasn’t sure what he would get in response to his confession but it really didn’t matter, he heard all he needed to when the seraph had spoke earlier, when he said there was nothing he wouldn’t do for him, if that wasn’t love then nothing was. “I love you too Samoose” Those words made him smile. Sam finally had his angel and he wasn’t going to let go.