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All The Things I Feel (The Thoughts I Can’t Seem to Shake)

Chapter Text

 

 

 

 

 

 

The music is loud.

 

The music is really loud.

 

The music is so loud the steady beat of the base is making Yoongi's brain rattle against his skull and Yoongi feels annoyance bubble up in his core.

 

Though, it isn't really a surprise. The only emotions he's really ever felt were annoyance and distaste.

 

So much for being a conscience synth.

 

The lights are also really fucking annoying. They are flickering on and off and on and off, making it hard for Yoongi's eyes to adjust.

 

Yoongi doesn't even really know why he's here at this club. He doesn’t need any distractions, his ability to access the internet from wherever he is allows him to fill the endless amounts of time he has with anything he wants.

 

So why is he here?

 

Maybe, Yoongi thinks, he is here to observe humans. To learn about them. To learn what makes them happy, what makes them laugh, what makes them love.

 

But then Yoongi is dismissing that thought because what could he learn about humans in a dingy nightclub?

 

Yoongi scans the club and his gaze briefly flickers over the dance floor, a sea of bodies, many of them grinding on each other. They look like they are having fun, Yoongi thinks idly and wonders what it would be like to have fun. There are also a couple synths at the bar, their bright green eyes obvious in the dark club as they robotically prepare drinks. Well, maybe robotically is the wrong word. As synth technology has improved over the years, synth movements have become more natural in a human sense. But however naturally they move, their piercing green eyes will always be a reminder of how inhuman they really are. Yoongi’s own green eyes are concealed by a pair of dark brown contacts he wears all the time.

 

As Yoongi continues to scan the crowd, something catches his eye.

 

Someone to be more precise.

 

The guy is, objectively, very good looking. He has high cheekbones and a sharp jawline that contrasts heavily with his round cheeks and full lips. His eyes, which are lined with dark and smudged eyeliner, are dark but also reflect the multicolored lights of the club. His silver hair, which is parted revealing his forehead, falls in front of those eyes just a little bit. To top it all off, the light leather pants he is wearing accentuates the thinness of his waist and the thickness of his thighs.

 

So yeah. Objectively, very good looking.

 

“Hello,” It takes a moment for Yoongi to register that the objectively very good looking guy is speaking to him, his lips quirked into a smile and his eyes curious. Yoongi stares at the guy and he doesn’t respond, just staring at the guy in front of him. “Not really your scene?”

 

Again, Yoongi just stares at the guy for a beat then shakes his head, humming a low sound that will hopefully translate to a no.

 

The guy makes a sound of acknowledgment and casually takes a sip of his drink. Silence stretches between them and Yoongi doesn’t really understand why this guy came up to him and started a conversation with him. Yoongi is sure he looks very uninviting in his little corner but maybe not because the silver-haired man is talking again.

 

“You want to get out of here then?”

 

 

 

Yoongi normally doesn't have impulses. Despite him being conscious, he doesn’t really have uncontrollable urges that drive his decisions. He always takes the time to calculate every move he makes as if his life is like a chess game.

 

So Yoongi has no idea why he finds himself walking with Jimin— the objectively very good looking silver-haired man introduced himself as Jimin— down the streets of Seoul.

 

He really has no idea.

 

“You don’t talk very much,” The sound of Jimin’s voice breaks Yoongi out of his contemplative state and the synth looks at Jimin. Despite the critical implications of his question, his remark doesn't have a trace of mirth in it, though. He speaks as if he is making a simple observation.

 

“Yeah,” Yoongi mumbles in response and it's all he says, proving Jimin’s statement true. It's not that Yoongi doesn’t like talking… okay, maybe that's true, but there are so many nuances to human interaction that sometimes it takes a little bit of time for Yoongi to process the meaning of what is being said. By the time he understands, the conversation has already moved on and he has to decipher new information. He opts for just staying silent instead.

 

Though Jimin doesn’t have the same sentiment, he talks and, although it's really about nothing, Yoongi finds himself feeling comfortable. Jimin doesn’t encourage him to speak or answer any of his questions, seeming content with just talking to the unresponsive Yoongi, earning a grunt or a nod every-so-often.

 

They somehow make their way to Yoongi’s apartment which is a surprise because the club they came from was right in the middle of the Jongno district and now they are at the outskirts of the Gangbuk district. Yoongi supposes they took a train sometime while they walked but he didn’t realize they were this close to his house.

 

When they walk into Yoongi’s apartment, Yoongi has a feeling as to why they are here. Yoongi may not be well versed in the ways of humans but he does know what happens when humans pick someone up from the bar and take them home. He knows.

 

“Wow,” Jimin sighs as he walks further into the apartment. “It's so spacious.”

 

Yoongi almost snorts at that because of the optimism in Jimin. Yoongi’s room is small and cheap. His apartment is really only one large room with very few pieces of furniture haphazardly thrown around. The bare walls have areas where the paint is peeling and there are definitely some holes in the walls that no one had bothered to clean up. Yoongi is thankful that his apartment came with a bed so it didn’t seem weird with Jimin walking and looking around.

 

“I just moved here,” Yoongi says as he follows Jimin around as the silver-haired man looks at every item Yoongi has. The way he looks at every single thing with awe and curiosity is… cute? “From America.”

 

“Oh,” Jimin says with awe. “Is that why you don’t speak a lot. You don’t know Korean very well?”

 

Yoongi nods in response. Although that’s not true and Yoongi can actually speak any language in the world, it would be safer for Jimin to just think he doesn’t know Korean well enough to speak it often.

 

“But you can keep talking. I understand you,” Yoongi adds and he doesn’t know why he does. Something about the way Jimin makes him feel… comfortable…

 

“Okay,” Jimin hums with a small, warm smile and he moves closer to Yoongi with slow steps.

 

Jimin stands so close to Yoongi, he can feel the slow puffs of breath Jimin is letting escape his lips on Yoongi’s own lips. Yoongi can see the barely there freckles that decorate Jimin’s nose and he can count the individual eyelashes around Jimin’s eyes. Eyes that are so dark and piercing Yoongi thinks they can see the very depths of Yoongi’s soul. But that's dumb because one, that's impossible and two, Yoongi doesn't have a soul. But something, something about Jimin’s eyes completely captivates Yoongi.

 

Yoongi doesn’t even compute that Jimin has moved until he feels something soft and light against his lips. He realizes, quite suddenly that Jimin kissed him.

 

Jimin pulls back from his chaste kiss and looks into Yoongi’s eyes, his own wide and bright, little specks of light shining even in the darkness of the room. “Is this okay?”

 

Yoongi doesn’t answer. Instead, Yoongi moves forward this time and presses his lips to Jimin’s.

 

It's more forceful than Jimin’s kiss but Jimin doesn’t seem to mind, his lips parting in a sigh, taking the chance to dart his tongue out tentatively into the other’s mouth. Yoongi is enraptured by the sensation of being kissed in such a sweet way, with gentle lips against his own and warm hands framing his face, Jimin’s thumbs caressing his cheekbones in repetitive circles. Jimin places his hand along Yoongi’s jaw to tilt his head, deepening their kiss.

 

Their kisses start to get more hurried and Yoongi can feel a certain hunger from the way Jimin slides his tongue into Yoongi’s mouth and moans softly. He can feel a certain hunger in the way Jimin pulls Yoongi backward to the bed. He can feel a certain hunger in the way Jimin pants off... off against Yoongi’s lips and he helps Yoongi get rid of his jacket and then the shirt underneath. Yoongi starts pulling Jimin's shirt off as soon as his own is out of the way, and after kicking their shoes off hurriedly, they fall on top of the bed, Yoongi on top as their lips connect again. Yoongi annoyingly doesn't know why kissing this human feels so good, why he wants to do it more, but Yoongi decides— like a true human— fuck it. He'll deal with it later.

 

Jimin’s hands run down Yoongi’s torso as their lips dance together but he pauses and pulls away from Yoongi’s lips to look at something down. Yoongi is momentarily confused until he remembers the small white bandage he has just above his hip concealing his charging port. An obvious reminder of how not human he is.

 

“What’s this?” Jimin breathes and his fingers gingerly run over the bandage. The touch is so light and gentle, Yoongi notices, as he moves Jimin’s hand away from the bandage in fear that he will feel the hard metal under it.

 

“It’s nothing,” Yoongi mumbles and leans down to kiss Jimin again. He can see the hesitance in Jimin’s eyes but then he seems to realize that that is all the answer he is going to get so he lets Yoongi press harder into him.

 

Yoongi starts pulling Jimin's pants down together with his underwear and Yoongi feels the familiar feeling of annoyance bubble up in him because goddamnit these pants are fucking tight.

 

Jimin giggles at his frustration, helping him get it off before laying back with a satisfied sigh, spreading his legs shamelessly. Yoongi sits back and lets his eyes rake down Jimin’s frame. Yoongi’s never thought humans were that attractive but this human... is very pretty. His body is small and almost petite but looks strong at the same time. Jimin’s hips are slight, as are his shoulders, but his thighs and stomach ripple with muscles as Jimin stretches out. Yoongi spends a particularly long time looking at Jimin’s penis— no, too technical— his cock. It's erect and curved against Jimin’s navel, the tip red and glistening. But what really has Yoongi staring is just the endless expense of golden skin in front of him.

 

Yoongi doesn’t like metaphors. They are, most of the time, way too difficult to decipher, so Yoongi rarely uses them. But Jimin’s skin looks like its dusted in gold powder as it shines with the streetlights from outside.

 

"You," Yoongi breathes, reminding himself that humans get breathless after lack of oxygen and kissing for prolonged periods of time result in less air. "You are very attractive."

 

"Thank you," Jimin giggles but it dissolves into a gasp when Yoongi runs his hands down Jimin's torso, his chest, his toned stomach, his pink, hard nipples, his thighs. "Hmm, d-don't… tease me-"

 

Yoongi leans down to kiss Jimin again, reaching down to grab the back of the smaller man's knees, forcing him to spread his legs again. He grinds down and his clothed crotch rubs against Jimin's nude body, making him gasp and squirm underneath him.

 

Yoongi mentally reminds himself that he should be aroused too so he lets fluids flow to his cock as he continues to grind into Jimin.

 

"Yoongi," Jimin whines and Yoongi can hear the plea in his voice. Yoongi pulls back and meets Jimin’s eyes— dark and piercing.

 

“I…” Yoongi starts but then he stops, the infinitive feeling of embarrassments curling in his stomach. “I don't have anything…”

 

Jimin looks at Yoongi for a moment, before he breaks into a fit of giggles.

 

“You don't have to look so worried when you say that…” Yoongi didn't know he looked worried. “I have some things in my jacket pocket.”

 

Yoongi raises an eyebrow in question because he's pretty sure that humans don't normally carry supplies for sexual intercourse in their pockets but Jimin just giggles more and playfully smacks his chest, whispering something along the lines of it's always good to be prepared as Yoongi shuffles off the bed. He finds Jimin's jacket strewn next to the bed and reaches into the pockets. He successfully closes his palm around the small bottle of lube and condoms. Yoongi walks back to the bed, not hesitating before pouring some of it on his fingers.

 

Yoongi is slow when he fingers Jimin open. Yoongi really has no idea what he's doing. His only experience being the quick internet searches he is doing right now with his mind. ( gay sex and how to pleasure a man with anal sex his first searches) But by the sound of Jimin's high-pitched and breathless moans, and the way his thighs tremble on both sides of Yoongi's torso, he's doing a good job.

 

Yoongi takes a while though, cautiously scissoring his fingers and occasionally running a comforting hand along Jimin’s skin— in complete awe of how soft and smooth and golden it is.

 

Jimin gets impatient after a while despite the pleasure he's visibly experiencing, whining for Yoongi to get on with it, reaching down to tug his jeans and underwear off his legs.

 

Once all their clothes are completely out of the way and he's put on a condom, Yoongi aligns his cock with Jimin's entrance, raising his head to look at the blissful expression on the man's face underneath him as he pushes himself in.

 

Yoongi didn't know a human could look so overwhelmed by pleasure.

 

"Y-You're… f-fuck…," Jimin moans, throwing his head back. "F-Feels so good -"

 

Yoongi stays still and allows Jimin to adjust to the intrusion, one of the articles had said that being patient and considerate was the best thing to do during sex.

 

“I’m good,” Jimin groans and he rocks his hips a little. “Fuck me… hard…”

 

Yoongi doesn’t waste any time before he’s pulling out almost completely then slamming in again, quickly and hard, so much that it drives Jimin a little bit further up the bed. Yoongi pauses because was that too rough? Sometimes Yoongi has a hard time controlling his strength, which rivaled any human by a long shot, but the way a broken moan escapes Jimin's lips tells Yoongi that he was good.

 

Jimin pulls him down for a messy, open-mouthed kiss, moaning into it, pulling at Yoongi's dark strands of hair after a particularly hard trust. He keeps fucking Jimin hard and fast because Jimin seems to really, really enjoy it.

 

Jimin's moans get more high-pitched and louder after a while, the soft complaints in between moans of harder or faster turning into nonsense as Jimin gets lost in the pleasure of the brutal pace Yoongi keeps. The filthy sounds of his hip bones and crotch slapping against Jimin's soft cheeks, wet with lube, seem to only make Jimin more aroused.

 

Yoongi didn't even know someone was even capable of doing it, but Jimin ends up coming unexpectedly in between them, completely untouched. His cock releases hot, long strings of semen— no, again, too technical— come on top of his chest.

 

Yoongi is absolutely mesmerized by the way Jimin’s face contorts in pleasure, furrowing his eyebrows and closing his eyes. By the way he throws his head back and arches his spin, pressing his body closer to Yoongi. By the way high-pitched, broken moans make their way past Jimin’s lips.

 

"F— Fuck… so good," Jimin whines, nails scratching Yoongi's back. "So good, Y-Yoongi— come for me…”

 

Yoongi blatantly realizes that he will have to finish, that it is human to orgasm— to come— to signify the end of sex. So, Yoongi ducks his head down into the groove of Jimin’s shoulder, fakes a pleasured groan, and fills the condom with a fluid that’s supposed to resemble semen.

 

He feels—? He feels a small trace of guilt at the fact that he had faked his pleasure when Jimin had obviously wanted him to feel good but the way Jimin brings Yoongi closer for a sloppy kiss tells Yoongi that the silver-haired man didn’t notice anything.

 

Yoongi pulls out, mentally reminding himself to make his cock limp again, and Jimin lets out a whine but doesn't complain. Instead, he just stretches out his legs and lays there, right on the middle of Yoongi's bed.
Yoongi snorts at the sight because Jimin really looks spent. His eyeliner is all over the place and he's a bit sweaty, but he still looks… fascinating? Yes, he looks fascinating to Yoongi with his lips a bright red, cheeks flushed with a similar tone.

 

Yoongi heads to the bathroom and looks around, trying to find a cloth or towel of sorts. He blatantly realizes that he doesn't have any towels, only a spare pillowcase in one of the cupboards. Yoongi puts it under some running water and returns to the room with the damp pillowcase to clean Jimin, who sighs pleasantly when Yoongi presses it against his skin to rub the drying come off his stomach. He cleans himself quickly too before coming back and standing in the doorway of the bathroom, looking at Jimin on the bed.

 

"You're okay?" he asks quietly, not sure if Jimin's asleep.

 

"Mhmm," Jimin hums, his eyelids looking heavy and moments from closing. "Join me?"

 

Yoongi stays put for a moment, momentarily confused by the request. All of his internet searchings had told him that intercourse occurring between people with no emotional feelings toward their partner— one night stands— never results in signs of affection afterward.

 

And this is dangerous. If they— his internet searches say this is cuddling— cuddle, Jimin might accidentally hit Yoongi’s power button and then it's all over for him. All of his work to run away and escape the people he left behind would be for nothing.

 

But something about the flush of Jimin’s cheeks and the gentleness in his tone has Yoongi moving awkwardly to the bed. He slips in next to Jimin and lays on his back. Its silent for a beat but then Jimin shuffles closer to Yoongi. Yoongi freezes at the contact, not relaxing even when Jimin throws his arm around Yoongi and holds him close.

 

Something about the intimacy of it all has Yoongi feeling… feeling… things.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Jimin mumbles and Yoongi supposes he feels how tense Yoongi is. Jimin starts to shuffle away but Yoongi stops him by gripping the silver-haired man’s forearm with his hand.

 

“No, it's okay.”

 

Jimin meets Yoongi’s gaze, his eyes full of questions and hesitance, as if he was surprised by Yoongi’s words. In all honesty, Yoongi was a little surprised by his words himself, but the way Jimin is seeking affection just made Yoongi feel…

 

Again, it makes Yoongi feel things.

 

Yoongi relaxes his body and puts his arm around Jimin, feeling the heat of the other’s skin against his own and pulling the silver-hair man closer. Yoongi allows his body to mimic breathing, making his chest rise and fall rhythmically as Jimin relaxes against Yoongi, his breaths slowly becoming slower and his entire body lax.

 

And Yoongi just holds him.

 

Yoongi doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t need to and he actually can’t shut off his brain activity for a couple hours so he just lays there holding the silver-haired man in his arms. Thinking.

 

He’s not a virgin anymore, is one stray thought that makes it into Yoongi’s mind. Which is weird because Yoongi has never actually thought about virginity, let alone his own. Humans put such an important weight on the concept of virginity and Yoongi never really understood it. He supposes that it would be irrelevant for synthetics to worry about virginity.

 

This train of thought leads to the small trace of guilt in his core. He is an older model so he isn’t as developed as his younger siblings. His younger brother, Jeongguk, can feel pleasure and pain, all things Yoongi doesn’t experience. So Yoongi really shouldn’t feel guilty about faking his pleasure, he can’t help it.

  

His thoughts wander more but he always seems to come back to the man in his arms. Yoongi can’t stop thinking about Jimin under him, the connection between them. Yoongi knows absolutely nothing about sex but, he knows that even for the short moments he had Jimin under him, Jimin had bared a part of himself to Yoongi. He liked it. He liked the intimacy of it all. Jimin had let Yoongi see himself at one of his most vulnerable ways and that made Yoongi feel… things.

 

 

 

Yoongi watches the sunrise through his window, his arms still around Jimin, when the silver-haired man stirs in his arms. Yoongi lets his eyes fall closed and he keeps them that way when Jimin cautiously maneuvers himself out of Yoongi’s hold. For some odd reason, Yoongi thinks— hopes?— that Jimin is just going to the bathroom, but he hears the sound of clothes being pulled on and the sound of footsteps walking away from the bed.

 

The sound of the door closing echoes through the apartment.

 

Why does Yoongi feel… things?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yoongi isn't human, but he thinks he understands how one night stands work. He's pretty sure that after the intercourse— after the fucking— you don't see the other person ever again.

 

Yoongi is pretty sure that's how it works.

 

And Yoongi is pretty sure that the one night stand was not required to take care of the other person in any way shape or form.

 

Yoongi is pretty sure that's how it works.

 

So Yoongi is genuinely— humanly— confused as to why Jimin is standing in front of his apartment with his arms full of bags and... is that a plant?

 

“Hello,” Jimin says cheerfully, a wide smile gracing his lips, and Yoongi can only stare at him incredulously.

 

“Uh…”

 

Jimin looks... soft?

 

No, that can't be right. Soft is a physical feeling, felt with the sense of touch. Soft is not an adjective that can be used to describe someone's looks.

 

So why does Jimin in the fluffy sweater that contrast dramatically with his tight clothes from the other night and that practically drowns the silver-haired man remind Yoongi of petting cats and fuzzy blankets?

 

“Uhh… hi?” Yoongi is still trying to decipher what Jimin is doing here and a small part of his mind understands that just staring at the silver-haired man is probably awkward but it doesn’t seem like Jimin minds.

 

“Can I come in?” Jimin asks softly and once again, Yoongi acts on impulses that he doesn’t have and nods awkwardly, opening the door to let Jimin walk in. Jimin practically skips over to the counter across from the front door and sets down his bags and the plant before turning to Yoongi with an excited smile.

 

“I’m sorry that I’ve surprised you but I noticed that you have absolutely nothing in your fridge and cupboards and I know it's none of my business but I just felt really bad and I’m sorry I’m intruding and,” Jimin’s voice is close to desperate as he explains and Yoongi knows he should be wary and probably kick Jimin out, some part of his mind feels bad for Jimin. He had come from who knows where to buy and give Yoongi supplies. “I noticed you didn’t have tissues or toilet paper or towels so I got you some of those and I got you some basic food things and… oh, I got you a plant as like a— a housewarming gift. And it's a succulent so it doesn’t take a lot of work, just a little bit of water every so often…”

 

Jimin’s voice trails off and he looks at Yoongi with worried eyes. It's almost funny, the obscene amount of things Jimin got for Yoongi, all of it which he doesn’t need. Yoongi really really should kick Jimin out but he… he is feeling things.

 

“Its okay,” Yoongi mumbles and he isn’t really lying. Normally, Yoongi doesn’t enjoy interacting with others, humans or synths, but something about Jimin is just so… infuriatingly comforting.

 

“Okay,” Jimin echoes back and silence falls between them. “I’m going to put some of this stuff away, if that’s okay?”

 

Yoongi nods and Jimin smiles, his eyes turning into little crescents before he turns back to his bags and starts pulling out his findings. Yoongi spots a multitude of vegetables and fruits being pulled from the bags before he decides to let Jimin deal with it by himself. The synth walks over to where Jimin put down the plant and scans it. The internet says it's an aloe vera plant. Simple. One of the most common types of succulents in households. Its small— tiny even. The plant is about the size of Yoongi’s palm and probably not taller than an inch… and it's perfect.

 

Yoongi doesn’t like describing things as perfect because perfection is the state of being free from any flaws or defects. And this succulent in Yoongi’s hand has many flaws. The spiral shape it forms is incomplete, many petals being smaller than the rest or just completely gone.

 

Yet… it is still perfect?

 

Yoongi walks over to the window and places the plant there before he returns to the kitchen. He is genuinely surprised when he sees Jimin pulling out ingredients and turning on the stove— which he had never used before.

 

“What are you doing?” Yoongi asks and he almost winces at the sternness in his tone but Jimin doesn’t seem to mind.

 

“I’m cooking some breakfast— lunch for you,” Jimin explains as if it was obvious. “I only know how to cook Korean food so I hope you’re okay with that.”

 

“You don’t have to do that…” Yoongi mumbles.

 

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s just a vegetable omlet,” Jimin says while one of his hands waves at Yoongi dismissively and the other is opening a carton of eggs that Jimin had previously pulled out of a grocery bag. “And besides, I have to welcome you to Korea properly. Nothing says that like a homemade gaeran mari.”

 

Jimin’s tone isn’t mean or cynical, but something about it feels like there is no room to argue, so Yoongi just sighs as he sits down at the table and watches Jimin cook. The silver-haired man hums lightly as he moves around the kitchen and normally the sound would annoy Yoongi but Jimin… Jimin’s humming makes Yoongi feel comfortable.

 

Jimin finishes preparing the omelets and takes out two plates from the cupboard— he had those?— and puts the omelets in them, garnishing them with some extra pepper. When Jimin sets the bowls down on the table with napkins and forks, he is smiling at Yoongi widely.

 

“You really didn’t have to do this,” Yoongi mumbles, looking at the food presented before him blankly. “I’m not even hungry.”

 

“Oh,” Jimin’s small voice makes Yoongi lift his head and Jimin’s eyes are wide with worry and… shame? “I’m sorry. I got carried away, sorry. You should have just told me if I was annoying. I’m sorry, I-”

 

“Hey, hey,” Something about the strain in Jimin’s voice makes Yoongi feel uncomfortable and guilty. “It's okay. I’ll just eat… a little bit.”

 

Jimin’s face lights up and a small smile spreads across his face. Yoongi looks down at the food and silently curses himself because why the fuck is this human influencing him like this? Yoongi is an older model so he doesn’t have a food bag in him. He doesn’t even really have a tube connected to his mouth. The food will just slide down and fill the empty gaps between his parts. He will have to open himself up later to clean himself out, which is more work than Yoongi wants to do.

 

Yet still… Yoongi picks up the fork and takes a bite. It feels slimy and the bite is coated lightly in a spice— doubanjiang— and Yoongi almost sighs out loud because this is going to be a bitch to clean out. But he still places the omelet in his mouth, chewing and swallowing it.

 

Yoongi glances up at Jimin to find that Jimin is looking at him with wide, expecting eyes and the synth blatantly realizes that the silver-haired man is waiting for a sign of enjoyment.

 

“ ‘s good,” Yoongi murmurs and he can feel the egg sliding down his throat and into his body, just resting there. But, for some reason, the wide smile Jimin shows him is enough for Yoongi to forget his annoyance and take another bite.

 

Fucking stupid impulses he’s never had before.

 

“What do you want in return?” Yoongi asks after a couple more bites of food. The question makes Jimin pause his own eating and look at Yoongi with a questioning gaze.

 

“I don’t want anything in return,” Jimin says sweetly and there’s nothing in his tone that would say otherwise but Yoongi knows humans are driven but what they get in return. There’s always something they want in return. Always.

 

“Yeah, you do,” Yoongi mumbles and Jimin continues to look at him, confused.

 

“Okay,” Jimin sighs and rests his chin in his palm as if he were thinking. Yoongi prepares himself for what the request is going to be. Something in him feels like Jimin wouldn’t ask of anything bad but Yoongi knows humans are good at acting certain ways so the can get what they want. “How about… you let me show you around Seoul, in return?”

 

That… is not what Yoongi was expecting.

 

“What?”

 

“In return for this,” Jimin gestures to the bowls on the table. “I get to show you around Seoul.”

 

Hearing it a second time does not help Yoongi understand the information.

 

“And you have to promise me that you won’t back out of it,” Jimin says with a smirk and he moves forward to lean his elbow on the table. He extends one of his arms and clenches his hand into a fist except for his pinkie. Yoongi is still processing Jimin’s request and the silver-haired man extending his pinkie doesn’t help.

 

“What are you doing?” Yoongi finally asks after spending at least a minute staring at Jimin’s hand. Jimin chuckles and ducks his head down between his shoulders that shake with his giggles before he lifts his head back up again.

 

“It's a pinkie promise,” Jimin chuckles out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know they didn’t have these in America but you’re supposed to wrap your pinkie around my finger.”

 

Yoongi does so, cautiously, staring blankly at their conjoined pinkies.

 

“It's a promise,” Jimin explains as if that clears up anything.

 

Humans are weird.

 

But when Jimin giggles again and Yoongi notices how small Jimin’s hands are, maybe it's not so bad.

 

 

 

 

 

 


When Jimin said he would show Yoongi around, he really did mean it. After a light knock sounds against Yoongi’s door, he is greeted by a smiling Jimin. He’s wearing a different sweater than two days ago but he still looks soft— a concept that Yoongi still is confused by.

 

“Hello,” Jimin grins. “You ready to go?”

 

Yoongi stares at Jimin for a moment before nodding and stepping outside. They walk to the street where Jimin steers them to a nearby bus stop.

 

“So,” Jimin hums. “Where do you want to go first.”

 

“I don’t know. You’re the one who wanted to show me around.” Yoongi mumbles.

 

“Hey, I'm trying to be nice,” Jimin scoffs and Yoongi feels panic bubble up in his stomach. Did he screw this up already? They haven’t even spent ten minutes together and Yoongi is already messing it up.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Yoongi murmurs and ducks his head in shame, slightly confused as to why he is acting this way.

 

“Oh, Yoongi, I— That was sarcastic, I’m sorry,” Jimin’s rushed voice makes Yoongi lift up his head and he can see worry all over Jimin’s face.

 

“Oh,” Yoongi says dumbly before ducking his head again. “I… I struggle with sarcasm and metaphors and… stuff like that…”

 

“Right, I forgot, I’m so sorry, Yoongi, I-”

 

“It's alright,” Yoongi says.

 

Jimin doesn’t look like he believes him but the bus comes so the silver-haired man can’t say any more. When they get on the bus, it's surprisingly full but then Yoogi remembers that it's a weekday morning and the humans have to get to work.

 

They end up having to stand and Yoongi can see how tense Jimin is, the awkwardness from earlier clearly not wearing off.

 

“What do you do for work?” Yoongi asks in an effort to clear the tension. Jimin looks at Yoongi with worried eyes before he softens and smiles small.

 

“Oh, I work at a small coffee shop in Gangnam.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah,” Jimin says simply. “I majored in dance in college but I injured myself a little while back so now I can’t do anything with that.”

 

Something thick and uncomfortable settles between the two of them and Yoongi realizes that it's awkwardness— something he’s never felt before. Yoongi frantically googles what he’s supposed to do in situations like this as there are too many options. WikiHow is not helpful.

 

“I like coffee,” Yoongi says lamely and he feels the odd urge to smack himself in the face. What purpose would that solve?

 

Yoongi’s inner dilemma is interrupted by the sound of airy laughter. Yoongi looks up at Jimin and the silver-haired man is laughing, his nose scrunched up and his teeth shining brightly.

 

“I’m glad. I’ll take you there sometime,” Jimin sighs when he recovers from his giggling.

 

Their conversation picks up— well, Jimin does most of the talking— with a lighter tone as they ride the bus. Jimin talks more about his work and some funny stories about some of his customers.

 

They continue to talk when they get off the bus in downtown Gangnam.

 

Jimin is pleasant to talk to— nice. After Yoongi explained his difficulties, he doesn't speak with complicated metaphors or using sarcasm. Jimin never expects Yoongi to respond and, when he does, he’s patient. He waits for Yoongi to process and formulate words, no matter how long that may take.

 

And Jimin shows Yoongi around.

 

They don’t stay in Gangnam for too long, the crowds and crowds of people making Yoongi uncomfortable and though he doesn’t voice that thought, Jimin seems to read his mind and they take the subway to somewhere else.

 

By the time the sun is setting, they had only really visited two places Gyeongbokgung Palace and Seoul Tower which ultimately didn’t impress Yoongi at all— they’re just big buildings. Sometime in between those two places, the two of them went to the cafe Jimin works at where a server with a weird box-like smile served them. Jimin says he is his coworker and they often have shifts together.

 

Yoongi begrudgingly ate a muffin and had some tea. The noodles he ate the last time he saw Jimin were absolutely dreadful to clean out so maybe tea, which is basically just water, will be easier to clean out. The muffin though...

 

It is then that Jimin takes Yoongi to Banpo Bridge. There aren’t many people there so Jimin and Yoongi manage to find a quiet space to stand. Tonight, the moonlight rainbow fountain is on. Yoongi googles it an finds that the fountain is the longest bridge fountain, with nearly ten thousand, LED nozzles that run along the side.

 

The two of them stand together in silence for a moment, letting the water colored a multitude of colors fall in front of them.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t find a place you liked,” Jimin sighs, defeated.

 

“Oh, that’s okay. Seoul’s really big so...,” Yoongi whispers. “You have to just promise me that we’ll find a place next time.”

 

Yoongi holds up his pinkie towards Jimin and the silver-haired man seems to be momentarily mesmerized by the action, his eyes wide and his jaw slack. After a moment, he shakes his head and grins at Yoongi, wrapping his own pinkie around Yoongi’s.

 

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” Jimin smiles widely.

 

And Yoongi feels things.

 

He smiles back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yoongi has never seen so many flowers in one place before.

 

It is only a day later and Jimin is taking Yoongi out again— their first stop being Seoul Grand Park.

 

There are so many colors Yoongi has to spend a moment just looking because he doesn’t know if his sensors can handle it. Bright reds and yellows and pinks everywhere like a blanket of flowers. To the right of them is a pathway that leads to the zoo while on the left are multiple sheltered pathways.

 

“Which way do you want to go?” Jimin asks and Yoongi almost didn’t realize he had stepped in front of the synth. Yoongi wordlessly points to his left and Jimin just giggles before walking towards the bridges.

 

The two of them walk along the sheltered pathways, sometimes traveling along flower-lined ones or crossing bridges that run over small rivers and streams.

 

As they walk further and further away from the entrance, it becomes quieter and Yoongi slowly starts to relax. There are a surprising lack of synths around, though that would make sense, so Yoongi finally feels like he is able to just pretend, pretend that he is safe, that he is human, that there aren’t people after him-

 

Jimin quietly walks beside him, only really making noise when he gasps at an exceptionally cute dog that occasionally walks by. It's a contrast to yesterday but its… endearing.

 

When they make their way out of the garden, Jimin deems that it is time for lunch and takes him to the park’s cafe causing Yoongi to groan. The muffin he had the other day was a bitch to clean out of his system when he got to his apartment so this time he decides to try some soup and see if that will be any better. His inner parts are waterproof so he should be good.

 

Just like the other day, they slip into friendly, nice conversation. Again, it is Jimin who is mainly talking but Yoongi nods and occasionally offers a few words.

 

It's nice.

 

Jimin is nice.

 

 

 

Yoongi find himself following Jimin through the large doors of a large building with the words Art Gallery atop the entrance. The travel to the gallery was mainly silent, Yoongi in silent awe of Jimin, who manages to make Yoongi feel… comfortable? Is that the word to describe the feeling in his core?

 

They both go inside, and Yoongi feels his systems that resembles a brain stutter for a moment at what he sees. The hall is massive, and grand, with a sleek, modern interior that’s impressive but modest enough not to overshadow the artwork.

 

Yoongi doesn’t know where to look, and his eyes flit over the hall quickly. Gorgeous paintings bursting with swirls of color—deep red and purples, delicate yellows and baby pinks— line the walls. Sculptures that range from tiny, intricate metalwork to intimidating large stone structures that loom over the people there.

 

They walk around slowly, Yoongi stopping every so often to look at pieces that pique his interest, almost oblivious to the small giggles Jimin hides behind his palm. Almost.

 

Yoongi knows that they spend two hours and fourteen minutes in the exhibition, but Yoongi was totally unaware of the passage of time as they walked through the halls. He had seen artwork, Google having a plethora of famous art, but he never knew colors could look like this.

 

 

 


“I liked today very much,” Yoongi says, looking out at the Han river.

 

“I’m glad,” Jimin smiles warmly, the lights twinkling off of his eyes.

 

They find themselves back at the bridge after their day, again. Like the other day, there is hardly anyone out as they watch the rainbow water fall into the shimmering water. They stand next to each other and although they aren’t touching, Yoongi feels a sort of closeness with Jimin that he’s never felt before. Sure he was close with Jeongguk, but not… not like this.

 

“What you thinking about?” Yoongi turns to look at Jimin, a warm smile gracing the silver-haired man’s lips.

 

“My brother,” Yoongi says.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah, he’s still in America,” Yoongi says even though he’s not quite sure if that’s true.

 

“You feeling homesick?” Jimin asks and its soft, gentle, no trace of malice. Just… concern.

 

“I guess,” Yoongi shrugs. He doesn’t necessarily miss his home— his old place— in America; doesn’t have a longing to go back, but he does feel a small trace of worry for his brother he left behind. “But here’s nice too.”

 

Yoongi looks over at Jimin as he speaks and offers him a small smile, which he genuinely means. He has spent so many years fabricating his emotions even when he naturally has them but Jimin, Jimin makes him feel things.

 

So Yoongi smiles at Jimin, and Jimin smiles back.

 

 


 

 

 

Jimin continues to show Yoongi around continuously after that.

 

At first, Yoongi was annoyed, not very keen on being in large crowds with so many synths around. He knows that they most likely aren't looking for him, but a small piece of his mind is always reminding him of the what ifs.

 

(And not to mention that they did have sex when they first met. So, there’s always that in the back of Yoongi’s mind.)

 

But, over time, Yoongi doesn't mind it. Jimin finds a way to distract Yoongi and just let him… live.

 

Jimin makes the large crowds and the synths at every corner, seem like little, irrational worries. And Yoongi actually finds himself enjoying Jimin's company. The silver-haired man is easy to talk to. Even though it's mainly Jimin talking, Yoongi finds himself actually interested in what he has to say.

 

Another thing to top it all off is that Yoongi laughs. He genuinely, humanly, laughs.

 

The first time was when Jimin had seen a cat off in an alleyway that he insisted was the most adorable thing he's ever seen. However, at closer inspection, the cat was actually eating a bird; feathers and blood covering its mouth. The absolutely horrified look on Jimin's face had a weird feeling bubble up in Yoongi.

 

The feeling felt like it was rising until it was tickling the back of his throat and he couldn't help but bark out a laugh. The sound surprised both Yoongi and Jimin, the silver-haired man looking at Yoongi with awe, before Yoongi allowed himself to laugh again. Jimin smiled at Yoongi and muttered something along the lines of I’m glad you take pleasure from my horror before he too dissolved into giggles.

 

Laughing felt nice. It felt like a warm feeling had spread through his whole body and made him feel light and… happy.

 

The second time Yoongi laughed was when was he and Jimin were walking in one of the parks when, all of a sudden, it had started to rain.

 

Jimin had squeaked in surprise when the rain started to come down in sheets and he had gripped Yoongi’s wrist before breaking off into a sprint, practically dragging Yoongi behind him.

 

By the time they managed to find shelter, they were both soaked, their clothes and hair clinging to their skin. Jimin tried to catch his breath and Yoongi promptly broke into a fit of giggles at the whole situation. Yoongi never thought he would be one for giggling, but he likes it.

 

It is nice.

 

So he laughs more and more.

 

Jimin laughs a lot, too. Like, a lot.

 

And he always laughs wholeheartedly. He always laughs by stretching his mouth into the biggest grin, causing his eyes to turn into little crescents. He always laughs by throwing his head back and curling in on himself, his arms clutching something for purchase—usually his own stomach.

 

Jimin laughs a lot and Yoongi is transfixed by the sound as it tinkles through the air. Yoongi is always transfixed by the way Jimin's small hands sometimes come up to his face to cover his mouth. And Yoongi is always transfixed by the way Jimin's eyes shine after his laughter has died down and he looks at Yoongi, a warm smile gracing his lips.

 

Yoongi is transfixed by Jimin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jimin shows Yoongi more places and they make more promises with their pinkies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Months go on and Yoongi isn’t one for exaggerations, but he’s never been happier.

 

Yoongi knows he's already gotten far too attached to Jimin.

 

But how could he not?

 

Jimin is lovely. He's always smiling or laughing, but not in an overbearing way. In a way that is comforting and kind.

 

He loves hearing about Yoongi's time in America, although Yoongi decides to leave a lot of it out. Jimin likes to listen to Yoongi talking about the different places he’s been, revealing his own interest in travel and his wishes to go somewhere abroad, his eyes sparkling with wonder and enthusiasm.

 

But Jimin is also patient and kind and understanding, always waiting for Yoongi to formulate his words when the synth wants to talk. Jimin rarely takes Yoongi to crowded places, picking up on his dislike of crowds fairly quickly. Instead, Jimin takes Yoongi to the quiet and intimate places of Seoul, showing the synth the places Jimin loves.

 

Like Yoongi is someone worth sharing stuff with. Like Yoongi is something that matters.

 

So how could Yoongi not grow attached?

 

 

 

 

 

 


“Okay,” Jimin sighs, a small smile gracing his lips. “So, this is the best and most exciting place in all of Seoul.”

 

Jimin had come to Yoongi’s apartment, as he does every day, and taken him out. Though, this time, Jimin didn’t take him to an extravagant landmark or some secluded park. Instead, they are standing in front of what looks like an apartment complex. The outskirts are Gangnam are much like the inner parts of the district, chic and fancy buildings lining the clean streets. The streets that are bustling with activity, people and cars moving back and forth.

 

“That’s sarcastic,” Jimin says but without a trace of annoyance, just warmth. The silver-haired man turns around and Yoongi follows him through the entrance of the building. The hallways are much like the front of the building, plain and a stark white.

 

They get to a door, much like rest and Jimin fiddles with the keys in his hand.

 

When they enter the room, Yoongi is actually shocked and he blatantly realizes that they are in Jimin’s apartment.

 

The pristine walls from the hallways almost feel like a different world from Jimin’s room, which is so obviously his room. The white walls are covered in pictures—abstract paintings that are explosions of color— to the point where there is almost no room. The furniture is all shades of red and orange, that strangely don't look bad against the colors of the paintings, bathing the room in a warm glow.

 

The apartment is well lived in and warm.

 

But something is missing.

 

“You don’t have a synth?”

 

Yoongi feels the weird urge to smack himself for the dumb question as the first thing he says but Jimin doesn’t seem to mind.

 

“Yeah… well, you don’t either,” Jimin smirks as he takes off his coat and Yoongi follows (Yoongi doesn’t need to wear a coat but the weather is getting colder and humans wear coats when it's cold so…).

 

“Yeah well… I… um…” Yoongi is at a loss for words and it is a new and scary feeling, but the sound of Jimin’s airy giggles make the confusion dissipate.

 

“I don’t know… I grew up without a lot of money so my parents could never get one when they came out and I guess I just never needed one,” Jimin shrugs as he walks further into the apartment. “And besides, I should at least be able to do my own chores.”

 

“Oh,” Yoongi says lamely, still following Jimin awkwardly. Yoongi glances at one of the nearby shelves and notices picture frames placed face down on the wood of the shelf. Curiosity getting the best of Yoongi, he picks up a frame and flips it over. He almost immediately recognizes a younger Jimin’s smiling face in the picture. There are also two older people who definitely look a lot like Jimin and Yoongi realizes that they are Jimin’s parents. Next to the younger Jimin is a younger man who, again, looks like Jimin. His brother.

 

The photo should have the energy of love and warmth, like the rest of Jimin's apartment, but the photo feels distant and old and forgotten, if the dust on the glass is anything to go by. 

 

"Do you want any tea or— Oh...?"

 

Yoongi is startled by Jimin's voice and returns the picture frame to its original position but its too late. Jimin is standing down the hallway and clearly saw that Yoongi was peering at the picture. The silver-haired man's eyes are wide with surprise and something else, something distant and hurt. 

 

"Oh, Jimin... I'm sorry I didn't... I didn't mean to..." Yoongi is at a loss for words, the worry and embarrassment in his mind making it almost impossible to formulate what he's trying to say. 

 

"No... it's—it's okay—it's okay..." Jimin whispers and shakes his head, a sad tone lacing his tone. "It's really okay, Yoongi."

 

And then an awkward silence falls between them—something that hadn't happened since the first time on the train.

 

"I'm sorry," Yoongi repeats quietly and the tenseness in Jimin's shoulders disappears. 

 

"Its fine," Jimin says softly, almost like a sigh. "I—I don't have a very good relationship with my family. I wanted to be a dancer and then I was gay and then I injured myself and completely failed them as a child so they just decided to cut me off. I don't even know why I still have that picture, to be honest. It's more of a formality as a son I guess..."

 

Jimin's tone is sad but there's something under it that makes Yoongi think that Jimin has had time to heal.

 

"I—thank you for telling me that..." Yoongi whisper, afraid that he's going to shatter the delicate air between the two of them. He didn't mean to make Jimin feel uncomfortable. That is the last thing he wants to do. He tries to convey that through a small smile but in hindsight, it probably looks like a grimace but the soft smile Jimin gives him tells Yoongi that he understands. "And... I would really love some tea."

 

Jimin smile becomes bigger and he turns on his heal to walk into his small but spacious kitchen. He prepares the tea quietly, humming a light tune as he turns on the burner under the kettle.

  

“I don’t have any places planned for today,” Jimin says almost forlornly and goes to sit on the couch, innocently tapping the space next to him and looking at Yoongi. “So I thought we would just watch something instead?”

 

“Okay…” Yoongi agrees and he awkwardly sits next to Jimin who fiddles with the remote control and starts the film.

 

Yoongi doesn’t really like the movie, it's a romantic comedy and honestly, what the guy is doing to try and get the girl is borderline stalkerish but Yoongi remains quiet because Jimin really likes this movie. He giggles every so often, covering his smile with his hands as he tilts his head back in joy. Whenever the main couple does anything remotely cute, Jimin squeals and turns a gentle pink, occasionally tucking his head down in second-hand embarrassment and leaning into Yoongi. Eventually, Jimin stops pulling away from Yoongi everytime he falls into the synth and just stays with his head nestled comfortably on Yoongi's should, using Yoongi's arm as something to squeeze every time he gets excited.

 

So yeah, Yoongi doesn’t like the film, but he likes how Jimin likes it.

 

Yoongi is momentarily shocked by the revelation because he’s never felt like this before, infatuated, transfixed. But then, it feels like two puzzle pieces fitting together. And then Yoongi understands. He understands why he felt warm when Jimin smiled at him. He understands why he felt a sort of longing in his chest whenever he had to watch Jimin go. He understands why he is transfixed by everything that is Park Jimin. Because Jimins's eyes disappear when he smiles. He scrunches up his nose when he laughs. He pouts when he is annoyed.

 

Jimin is beautiful. He is witty and bratty at times, but also so pure, adorable and gentle if he wants to be.

 

“Um, Jimin?” Yoongi asks cautiously and he has never done that before. Though he isn’t confident, he has never been nervous before. But he feels the feeling of uncertainty crawl up his skin when Jimin turns to look at him with wide, kind eyes. “Would you want to um… I want to take you somewhere tonight, because you’ve taken me to a lot of places and I want to show you my favorite as a way to repay you—or thank you or something like that…”

 

Yoongi finishes rambling and he feels weird after the overflow of words he just practically spewed out.

 

Its silent for a horrible moment and then Jimin is smiling a dazzling smile, the room getting a little bit brighter.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

 

 

 

Yoongi takes Jimin to the Banpo Bridge, the rainbow water falling beautifully into the river. They are silent as they walk the bridge, but it's comfortable, only the steady hum of the city in the background. They stop walking and rest along the railing somewhere in the middle of the bridge and Yoongi just basks in having Jimin close to him; the two of them so close that Yoongi could feel Jimin’s body heat radiating off of him.

 

And then Yoongi is struck with something that maybe he already knew before but he doesn’t quite know.

 

Jimin is perfect.

 

Yoongi doesn't like describing things as perfect because the definition of perfect is free of flaws and imperfections.

 

And Jimin...well, he was just Jimin. The boy who made pinky promises. The boy who had an affinity for small, cute things and stopped at every animal he saw on the street to squeal and shove his face in their fur. He was Park Jimin who enjoyed watching cheesy dramas with predictable stories but still got shocked at a plot twist. Park Jimin who probably knew all the popular girl group dances but could also dance perfectly to the boy group dances with complicated footwork.

 

But Jimin was perfect.

 

“Jimin,” Yoongi whispers, a foreign feeling of hesitance filling him up.

 

“Yes,” Jimin hums in response and turns his head to look at Yoongi, the rainbow light reflecting off of his cheek beautifully.

 

“I— would you… um-” Yoongi stutters and he has never stuttered before, feeling an unknown feeling of nervousness welling up in him. “Would you consider… seeing me as— as a r-romantic partner?”

 

It's silent for what feels like forever but Yoongi knows logically that it’s only been thirty-two seconds before Jimin giggles airily. But in those thirty-two seconds, he fears that he has horribly misread the situation. They have slept together and completely ignored it but Yoongi couldn't have been imagining the looks Jimin sometimes sends him. The shy, warmth filled looks. He couldn't have imagined how the two of them naturally fall towards each other.  Yoongi couldn't have imagined...

 

“I would like that very much, yeah,” Jimin giggles and Yoongi feels as if the world becomes a little bit brighter; and maybe his synthetic heart skips a beat but he’s not sure.

 

And then Jimin is kissing him.

 

The touch is soft and hesitant, as if Jimin isn't quite sure if he should do it. But Yoongi welcomes the touch.

 

He closes his eyes and his hand travels to the back of Jimin's neck. The silver-haired man tips his head to the side, allowing Yoongi to move his lips on his harder. Yoongi wonders if his chest will explode with how warm it feels, like a sun is burning in his metal ribcage.

 

It feels like a miracle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Months go by and Yoongi has never been happier.

 

Now, Yoongi isn’t one for exaggerations, but he feels a warm, euphoric feeling in his chest when he thinks about Jimin.

 

Yoongi's life starts to become mundane, but he doesn't hate it. He and Jimin still go out and explore but Jimin seems to have picked up on the fact that crowds make Yoongi anxious and the silver-haired man doesn't seem to mind staying inside all day.

 

They eat together, despite Yoongi's annoyance he still puts food into his body. They play games, Jimin introducing Yoongi to the wonders of card games. Uno is his favorite. They (mainly Jimin) eat a tub of ice cream between them while watching romcoms that Yoongi absolutely hates and keeps pointing out plot holes but Jimin tells him romcoms make him happy.

 

Yoongi learns that Jimin is a blanket hog during the times Jimin sleeps over; never really asking and just cuddling himself against Yoongi. Yoongi learns that in addition to being able to dance, Jimin can sing; his voice light and airy but also strong and raspy.

 

Yoongi likes Jimin’s company, likes when they are exploring together, loves when they get to relax in one of their homes. Loves when one of them naturally gravitates to the other.

 

Yoongi likes Jimin's company so much that he has almost forgotten what it was like before Jimin. Well... that isn't true. His brain is able to recall any moment in his life, the pain and the fear he has experienced, but Jimin, being with Jimin made it easy to not think about the people who might be after him or the people he left behind.

 

The sudden... closeness— how Jimin can just move into Yoongi’s space so easily— isn’t jarring at all.

 

Yoongi finds it odd, on one hand, but he also finds it completely easy on the other. How easy is it for Jimin to just talk to Yoongi for hours. How easy it is for Jimin to lean into Yoongi whenever he feels like it. How easy it is for Jimin to slowly break down that wall that Yoongi had built up against all humans.

 

How easy it is to feel things with Jimin.

 

 

 

 

 

 


It is three months, eighteen days, and twenty hours after Yoongi asked Jimin to be his romantic partner— the internet says that is asking someone out — when the snow falls for the first time.

 

Seoul had been getting colder and colder, the dark clouds an omen for the bitter winter to come. And, even though Yoongi is pretty sure his apartment doesn’t have heating, Jimin likes to spend a lot of time there with Yoongi.

 

When the first delicate snowflakes fall, Yoongi is… in awe. The bits of white precipitation look small and soft, even though Yoongi knows that it is freezing cold water, and he can’t help but want to jump into the piles that are already starting to form.

 

“Wow,” Yoongi turns to look at Jimin, his eyes large and full of wonder.

 

“Come on,” Jimin says excitedly and he is pulling Yoongi towards the door, haphazardly throwing on a coat and a hat.

 

When they get outside, Jimin runs forward and the midday sun catches on the snow the same way it catches on Jimin's face. On the planes of his cheekbones, the pout of his mouth, open and rounded in excitement.

 

Yoongi walks idly and watches as the gentle flakes of snow fall to the ground. Yoongi is so transfixed that he feels surprise shoot through him at the solid mass that hits him right in the back.

 

It’s a snowball, and Jimin is snickering from his periphery. Yoongi chuckles as bends down and gathers the largest snowball he can make. He encases the snow tight between his palms and squeezes, compressing the snow tight enough such that it’s one solid mass. He stalks toward Jimin and he hears a yelp before Jimin is running away to move behind a tree. But Yoongi is faster and the snowball hits Jimin right in the chest.

 

Jimin gasps, exaggeratedly, and then he’s laughing and Yoongi is laughing, too; the sound familiar in Yoongi’s throat. They throw snow at each other and the snow is hardly ready to be formed into snowballs but they try anyway. At some point they’re next to each other on the ground, just laughing next to each other in the snow, their faces so close. And it's so nice, the feeling of complete euphoria filling Yoongi’s systems, making him feel warm and light. Even though it is impossible, Yoongi feels like he’s flying.

 

And then they’re kissing. Not the chaste, sweet kisses they’ve shared recently. No, the kiss feels hot and hungry and Yoongi feels something burning under his skin to just get closer.

 

“Let’s go inside,” Jimin whispers against Yoongi’s lips and Yoongi can only nod in agreement.

 

Jimin presses their lips together when they walk through the door and at first, he is so gentle, kissing Yoongi like he’s going to break, their lips gliding together. Yoongi feels something akin to desperation as he deepens the kiss, pulling Jimin closer and their coats off so that their chests are flush against each other.

 

Yoongi doesn’t even realize they have moved until he feels the back of his knees meet the couch he recently got.

 

They separate but only for a moment so Jimin can properly straddle Yoongi’s thighs. Yoongi starts mouthing along Jimin’s neck, sucking and biting marks into the skin, Jimin moaning and whining at every ministration. Jimin starts to roll his hips and Yoongi can feel his hardening cock between the layer of clothes as Yoongi encourages his own length to swell gradually. Jimin hurriedly takes off their shirts and catches Yoongi’s lips in his own, moaning into the kiss.

 

Jimin’s hands are warm on his hips, right below Yoongi’s charging port which is covered with a skin patch that blends in perfectly with Yoongi’s skin. He had put in on after his first night with Jimin… impulsively.

 

Yoongi doesn’t know what to do with his hands, he just knows he wants to feel Jimin. Feel the soft skin of his stomach. Feel the strong muscles of his back. Feel the sensitive skin of his nipples. Feel the oceans of gold under his hands.

 

Jimin moans loudly when Yoongi’s hand snakes down Jimin’s pants to cup his ass.

 

Jimin pulls away from Yoongi and gets up before he pulls down his pants in one swift motion, Yoongi awkwardly doing the same. Jimin briefly digs into his pocket before pulling out lube and a condom before straddling Yoongi’s lap again. Yoongi can’t help but snort but he is interrupted when Jimin presses his lips back to Yoongi’s.

 

It doesn’t take them long before Yoongi fingers Jimin carefully, scissoring his fingers gently to stretch him out properly to make sure it won't hurt later. Jimin moves his hips up and down to fuck back against his fingers, whining when Yoongi stills him with his free hand on his hip to insert a third finger.

 

When Jimin moans out a garbled I’m ready, Yoongi removes his fingers and guides Jimin above his cock with his hands on his hips. When Jimin sinks down, his own hand holding Yoongi’s cock, the silver-haired man moans and tilts his head back in pleasure.

 

Yoongi makes his own sound of pleasure, part of it real from how beautiful Jimin looks, but none of it from real physical pleasure.

 

When Jimin is fully seated on Yoongi, they exchange another kiss, slow and tender and just perfect.

 

After a moment, Jimin starts to move his hips, slowly rolling as moans spill from his lips at every movement.

 

Its soft and slow, and it feels like its more than just sex.

 

It feels likes more than sex when Jimin wraps his arms around Yoongi’s neck, clinging to Yoongi and moaning into the crook of his neck. It feels like more than just sex when Jimin pulls Yoongi into a searing kiss when his movements become a little more hurried and messy. It feels like more than just sex when Jimin comes and clings to Yoongi almost desperately.

 

It feels like more than sex when Yoongi finishes shortly after and he feels an indescribable guilt curl in his stomach when he groans with fake pleasure.

 

The thing is, there aren’t many words that can truly explain nor do justice to how much Yoongi feels when he is around Jimin, how lonely it becomes whenever they’re apart or how much Yoongi anticipates spending time with him. Even though they don’t share an apartment, Yoongi has come to associate anywhere Jimin is to home. It’s a warmth that spreads through his body, starting at the tips of his fingers and flares out deeply around his chest, to where it throbs almost painfully.

 

It feels oddly like his systems are overheating and close to malfunctioning but for some reason, Yoongi doesn’t worry about it.

 

And Yoongi knows for certain, irrevocably sure and without a single trace of hesitation is that Jimin fills him with a sense of completion, a sense of truly belonging to someone.

 

Yoongi feels human.

 

When they are laying together in Jimin’s bed later that night, and Yoongi feels calm— the action of simulating his breathing oddly relaxing.

 

And then Yoongi feels it all well up in him at once.

 

"I love you," Yoongi whispers, not quite sure if Jimin is awake. The silver-haired man in his arms shuffles away to look into Yoongi’s eyes, his expression blank, only a slight trace of surprise. But then, his lips form the most beautiful smile, turning his eyes into little crescents.

 

"I love you, too," Jimin says warmly but Yoongi feels like he doesn't quite understand.

 

"No like... I really love you. I'm in love with you." Because Yoongi means it, in all the ways that the word is meant to be used— as lovers, as friends, as soulmates, as everything.

 

"Oh," Jimin's smile falters a little bit but then it's back, even brighter than before. "I really love you, too, Yoongi."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah," Jimin says as he places a chaste kiss on Yoongi's lips before he lifts up his pinky for Yoongi to take. "I promise."

 

Yoongi takes Jimin's pinky in his own and lets himself feel things.

 

 

 

 

 

 


All good things come to an end.

 

Yoongi never particularly liked that phrase. Even though Yoongi was never really an optimist, he still believed there are certain instances where something will remain in a state of good or bad. Some things are just a constant.

 

But it seems like luck was never really on Yoongi’s side.

 

Everything falls apart one winter morning.

 

Jimin is making something to eat for breakfast, Yoongi thinks its omelets and he is slightly annoyed that he will have to clean it out once again but Yoongi doesn’t really mind. There is something so domestic about having Jimin cooking for them that it makes something warm fill his chest.

 

Love.

 

That’s what it is.

 

Yoongi feels love.

 

“Do you need any help?” Yoongi asks, feeling partially bad that Jimin is always the one cooking. Jimin swears that he loves it and doesn’t need help but it wouldn’t hurt to offer.

 

“Hmm?” Jimin turns around and looks at Yoongi with wide eyes and an adorable pout. “Uhh yeah… could you grab some tofu from the fridge?”

 

Yoongi nods and grabs the square of tofu in the fridge door. Yoongi almost grimaces at the sight of his fridge, full of food that he will never enjoy. But he dismisses the thought with the thought of Jimin eating. The silver-haired man always looks so happy when he is eating, always making pleased sounds as he chews. Jimin had told him that while he studied dance he would always be on diets, trying to control the way his body looks. Yoongi had immediately responded with something along the lines of but you look so beautiful and Jimin had blushed the deepest shade of red Yoongi had ever seen on a human, arms flailing at Yoongi in embarrassment.

 

Yoongi smiles at the memory as he hands Jimin the milk.

 

“What are you smiling about?” Jimin asks, a warm smile on his face.

 

“You,” Yoongi responds immediately.

 

He likes that. Being able to just say whatever he wants when he’s around Jimin.

 

Yoongi leans down and places a quick kiss on Jimin’s cheek, which is starting to turn bright red.

 

“Oh stop it,” Jimin says as he waves at Yoongi dismissively.

 

The action is so innocent, so innocent. When Jimin’s elbow knocks into the hot pan in such a way that knocks it off the stove, it happens in slow motion. The pan is falling towards Jimin and it is for sure going to burn him unless-

 

Yoongi steps forward and places his hand against the burning hot pan, catching it before it touches Jimin. Yoongi doesn’t feel any pain, he wasn’t built to, as he holds onto the pan and maneuvers it so that it is back safely on the stove, the half-cooked omelet inside still perfect.

 

It is silent for a moment and then Yoongi feels terror grip him like a vice.

 

“Oh my god, Yoongi!” Jimin yelps, his voice high with worry and he reaches for Yoongi’s hands.

 

No.

 

Yoongi tries to move away, but Jimin is faster and he grips onto Yoongi’s wrists and turns his palms up to inspect the wound. The wound, that if he were human, would have hurt. The wound, that if he were human, would have been red and angry. The wound, that if he were human, wouldn’t have been dripping blue blood.

 

Jimin freezes at the sight and Yoongi knows this is it.

 

This is the end.

 

Jimin stares down at Yoongi’s hands and the blue fluid that leaks from the wound, the silence stretching heavy and thick between them.

 

“This… this is a joke, right?” Jimin’s voice is getting progressively tenser with each passing second, and it takes everything Yoongi has not to flinch. “This has to be a joke. Or a nightmare. Are you-”

 

“Jimin…” Yoongi starts but Jimin flinches and takes a step back from Yoongi, making the words in Yoongi’s throat get stuck there. Yoongi wishes Jimin would just yell at him, or hit him, or anything except this.

 

The silence allows Yoongi to see the betrayal and hurt and anger in Jimin’s expression.

 

“You’re a synth…” Jimin whispers, his voice cracking at the end and it's more of a statement rather than a question.

 

And all Yoongi can do is nod and watch as something in Jimin’s expression shatter as he takes another step further from Yoongi.

 

“Are… who programmed you to do this?” Jimin sounds close to hysterical and something inside Yoongi metaphorically twisted. Or maybe something actually does twist. That would be a plausible explanation for the swell of panic Yoongi feels growing in his core taht is making it hard for him to think.

 

“Jimin, I’m not… I’m not programmed to do anything,” Yoongi says as calmly as he can and he is surprised by the sadness on the edges of his voice. “I’m conscious I can feel I… I meant everything I said-”

 

“No!” Jimin yells and Yoongi can see tears spring to his eyes. “No, stop talking you— you… I don’t— fuck…”

 

Yoongi tries to take a step closer but Jimin flinches back as if he were any closer to Yoongi he would be burned and there’s a tremble to his bottom lip as he wraps his arms around himself protectively.

 

“Jimin-”

 

“No! S-stop. I don’t know who programmed you to do this but it's s-sick and cruel…” Jimin rambles in broken tones as his body starts to shake, his voice crippled by hurt. “I c-can’t believe… I— it was all a lie and I f-fucking fell for it.”

 

“I’m not lying, Jimin. I’m not programmed to do anything. I feel things, emotions.” Yoongi rambles, the foreign feeling of desperation heavy in his words. “I love you.”

 

“No! S-stop! You don't!” Jimin shouts out accusatory, yet it sounds weak. "You don't, you don't you don't— you c-can't..."

 

And Yoongi can only remain silent as a painful sob rips its way past Jimin’s lips; he’s trembling so much Yoongi starts to feel more desperate.

 

"Please, Jimin," Yoongi whispers and for some reason, it's hard. For some reason, it's difficult to get the words past his lips. "You— you make everything brighter, which is impossible because a human can't generate light but— but you do. And you make everything exciting and fun and— and you make me feel things. You make me feel more than I've ever felt before. And it's scary because I don't trust humans at all. All they've done is treat me like a slave— but you... I trust you. I trust you with my life, my body, my everything... and I'm scared. But... I wouldn't mind being scared with you by my side so... So please don't leave me..."

 

"Yoongi... you're— you're crying..." Jimin's voice is light with awe and at first, Yoongi thinks Jimin's lying but then he brings up a hand to his cheeks and he feels it. Something wet coming from his eyes, streaming down his cheeks.

 

Jimin looks at Yoongi with so many emotions painted across his face and Yoongi hates it because even though he’s spent so long with Jimin, who wears his heart on his sleeve, he still isn’t good at deciphering his emotions.

 

"I didn't know I could do this," Yoongi says a matter of factly but it sounds strained, even to Yoongi's ears.

 

And then there’s nothing but Jimin’s shaky breaths between them. Physically, Yoongi feels fine, but he feels like there are pieces of him everywhere, shattered on the floor, that he will have to try and pick to put himself back together again. His body feels battered by the onslaught of his own feelings and Jimin’s that spilled from their mouths like they were powerless from stopping it; the emotions so intense that they transformed into a pain that is physical.

 

The silence is broken when Jimin walks forward hesitantly. Tears are still silently streaming down his face as he cups Yoongi’s cheeks with his hands and just stares into Yoongi’s eyes. He scans the synth, his eyes flickering with an indescribable emotion on his face. Jimin brushes away the tears that continue to fall from Yoongi’s eyes, the action is so full of tenderness that it has more tears streaming down Yoongi’s cheeks.

 

“I… I need some time, okay?” Jimin says carefully, as if Yoongi would break any second. It doesn't work because the words that pass through Jimin’s lips, however gentle they are, still shatter something inside Yoongi.

 

“O-okay…” Yoongi stutters, feeling completely broken.

 

He's going to lose Jimin. 

 

“Okay,” Jimin whispers back and moves closer to Yoongi. The synth lets his eyes fall closed, defeated, when he feels a gentle kiss being pressed against his forehead. Jimin lets his lips linger before he is pulling back and walking away from Yoongi.

 

Yoongi stays rooted to the spot, tears still falling from his eyes, when Jimin silently slips out of the apartment; the sound of the door closing echoing through the room. Yoongi only moves after he has replayed the scenario over and over and over again until it's too painful to watch.

 

He finds himself moving to the bed, where he and Jimin have spent so much of their time. Yoongi looks through the drawers until he finds some skin patches and places one over his palm, covering the hideous, blue wound. He sits on the bed when his wound is covered and finds that the cold sheets and the stiff mattress don’t feel as comfortable as they did before, occupied by another person—by Jimin—but Yoongi forces down the thought.

 

His efforts are in vain, though, when it all comes crashing down—Jimin’s smile, Jimin’s laugh, Jimin’s tears, Jimin’s hurt expression, the pain, the betrayal. He can’t stop the memories, and he can’t stop the ugly cries that claw their way out of him, sounding horrifically distorted because his body wasn’t meant to cry. His cries sound harsh and robotic as they scrape up his throat and into the pillow that Jimin liked to wrap himself around. Yoongi pulls it closer, holds it tighter, and hates how Jimin taught him how to feel things.