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EMO.GAY.EXE

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Frank plugged the aux cord into his phone, scrolling through his music library until he found Legacy of Brutality (his favorite Misfits album), and turned the volume up until it hurt a little. His parents couldn’t join him for move-in this year, but he didn’t really mind – he was fully capable of driving all the way to Arizona from New Jersey and moving all his shit in on his own. He didn’t necessarily like it, but what else could he do? At least he got roomed with Gerard.

It only took him about five minutes to get to Gerard’s place, where he was waiting outside with seriously 3 bags and 3 boxes.

“Where’s all your shit? Your car looks fucking empty,” Gerard remarked, peeking inside Frank’s car.

“All I really need is my clothes and my guitar right? If I need anything else I can just buy it while I’m there,” Frank shrugged. “Meanwhile, Princess Gerard can’t live two minutes without rereading every single fucking volume of Doom Patrol.”

“Fuck off,” Gerard flipped his middle finger in Frank’s direction before moving to shove his crap into the car. Once Gerard had shoved his clothes and his many, many comics into the back of Frank’s car, they were off, ready to spend the next three days irritating each other.

“So…” Gerard glanced between the radio and Frank, gauging his chance to grab the aux cord. When he was sure the driver had his eyes on the road, he grabbed it and shoved the end piece into his phone. “My music first?” He was already flipping through playlists and adding random crap to a big compiled list of songs he had in his phone.

“You’re lucky you listen to good music,” Frank grumbled, shifting his grip on the steering wheel. When Gerard settled on a song to play, the two of them started singing along, getting progressively louder.

“Run for the hills, run for your lives,” Iron Maiden sang. The drive had gotten really boring really quickly and the best either of them had for entertainment was the music they were blasting. Games didn’t work very well when one of you had to make sure you weren’t driving off a bridge or on to the wrong side of the road.

“Can you please focus on the road or like… Pull over so we can switch?” Gerard grabbed onto the door handle and shot a glare at his best friend, kind of terrified for his life.

“I’m fine, I j-” Frank’s eyes shot open and he managed to get off on the shoulder of the road with the sound of a very loud honk that trailed off with the car that raced by.

“Get out,” Gerard said with a worried glance at his best friend, climbing out of the passenger’s seat without bothering to wait for a response. The two of them switched places and Gerard took a deep breath before pulling back out onto the road.

“I don’t understand how you stay up all night and expect to stay awake doing a mindless task like driving.” Gerard wasn’t really upset with him at all. He knew what Frank was like and it didn’t exactly surprise him. He just wished that Frank would have said something before he started swerving.

Frank fell asleep pretty quickly after that and Gerard switched the music to something a little quieter to let him sleep. He didn’t have an issue just driving in the quiet. If anything, it kind of relaxed him. They were about halfway to the first rest stop by this point and the goal was to get enough shut eye to function and get as far as possible on day two. If they were lucky, they’d make it by midday on Sunday.

The second day of the ride was a lot more pleasant with Frank having slept and all. He had taken over the driving for the rest of the trip, explaining that he didn’t feel comfortable not being in control of his own car.

“Are you ready to live with me for an entire year? Same room and everything?” Gerard was switching between songs, trying to find something they hadn’t already listened to. He shot Frank an eye wiggle and Frank responded with an eye roll and a smirk.

“It’s 9 months, not a year. And if anyone is going to struggle to survive this,” Frank paused to glance over his shoulder and move lanes, “It’s you.” His eyes darted towards Gerard for a second to see his reaction and chuckled at the look on his face.

“If you say some bullshit about how you getting laid is going to make my life hell, I promise you that you won’t be getting any all year.” Gerard leveled a glare at Frank even though he probably wouldn’t notice it right away. When Frank opened his mouth to correct him, Gerard did it first, “Yeah, yeah. Nine months, got it.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything about getting laid,” Frank started, “But if you really think about my sex life that much, you sure you’re not interested?” He winked at his companion and instead of replying, Gerard just scoffed and looked out the window. Frank held back a laugh at his reaction and just shook his head fondly. The two didn’t talk for a few hours after that and Frank was pretty sure that Gerard had drifted off at some point, but when he looked over at him again, he was just staring out the window. Frank didn’t want to disturb his thoughts so he just kept on driving, their music playing quietly in the background, barely loud enough to hear.

On Sunday morning, Frank and Gerard were equally bouncy. It was too early to know if that coffee stop was a good idea or a bad idea. They had packed plenty of snacks and food so there had only been a few bathroom stops and once because Frank saw some sign for some weird candy and demanded they stopped and bought some. Gerard had to admit that it was a good decision. Now they were hyped up on candy and coffee. Fantastic.

“His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy,” somehow they had moved on to listen to Eminem at this point.

“I’m fucking ready for this year already… Mom’s spaghetti.” Frank laughed but only received a disappointed head shake from Gerard. “But I also don’t want to do shit.” They had just gotten off the freeway and were staring at stretches of desert. The GPS said their destination wasn’t far at all, so when they spotted the parking entrance, both of them were cheering loudly.

Finally, after the three day mashup of bickering, whining, sleeping and obnoxious scream singing, they pulled up to the school. Frank loudly exhaled as soon as he parked, letting out a ‘woo!’ and immediately swung open the car door... to hit someone. Uh… whoops.

Frank just barely saw the figure outside his door fall to the ground dramatically. He quickly glanced at Gerard in slight panic, who looked back simply mirroring his terror.

Hesitantly, he peeked outside to find a guy in a multicolor coat and enormous feminine sunglasses on the floor.

“Ah, fuck, my Gucci jeans…” he muttered. What kind of fucking preppy rich kid did I just force myself to meet? Frank immediately thought. And why on earth would someone be wearing Gucci jeans on fucking move-in day?

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Frank asked the rich kid.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he muttered. Frank got up and reluctantly offered a hand to help the prep up.

“Sorry about that. What’s your name?” Frank wasn’t entirely sure about making the introduction, but he decided to attempt to put the slightest effort into being polite. His parents had been telling him he needed to work on that and what better time than the new school year?

“Mitch,” he said, taking Frank’s hand, getting up, and shaking it. Mitch (or Bitch, Frank’s brain suggested) was tall.

“I’m Frank,” He was already starting to regret trying to be nice. It took too much self control and that shit was exhausting.

“Nice to meet you,” This prep kid’s voice was barely brushing the barrier between annoyingly feminine and tolerantly unique.

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” Definitely tilting towards annoying. Frank had to force back an eye roll.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Frank mumbled, secretly hoping they didn’t see each other around. Bitch gave him a slight wave before hurrying off to meet up with some toe head tree man. Fucking tall assholes. Frank glanced over to his friend and found him staring at the interaction with an amused eye raise. Frank glowered at him and slammed the car door closed. Gerard just laughed at him and they made their way to the office to pick up their dorm room keys and the big ass cart to carry their boxes back to their room.

“I really don’t understand how you barely have anything with you,” Gerard glanced down at their stuff piled in together, or rather his stuff with a small side of Frank’s.

“I’m telling you, dude, I’m not really attached to anything other than the clothes on my back and my guitar, but that’s all necessity.” He shrugged and fumbled with the keys in front of the doors leading to the hall they were directed to for access to the elevator. He was glad he didn’t have to take the stairs up to their room. If he had to walk three flights every day, he was sure he would die.

Gerard just stared at Frank blankly, watching him struggle to unlock the door. He had to stifle a laugh and reached over, pulled the keys out of his hands, and squeezed one of them in a it’s okay gesture. Frank just watched the contact before flipping him off and Gerard let out the laugh as he pulled the door open.

“Come on, let’s hurry up before a bigger wave of other students come in and make this place unbearably crowded.” Gerard nodded his head towards the elevator and got into it, holding the doors open for Frank to push the cart in. It was in the brief moment the doors were about to shut completely that Frank was almost certain he spotted an irritatingly familiar coat.

“Oh, please don’t tell me that bitch is living in our hall, too.” Frank had a sour look on his face and Gee just shook his head, using his thumb to smooth the creases in his forehead out.

“Don’t stress over it too much, Frank. You’re just gonna make life harder on yourself. ‘Sides, you probably won’t see him much if at all. Schedule differences and everything,” He waved his hand and gave his friend a small shrug, hoping Frank would just forget about the kid he ran into - or technically assaulted with the door- and focus on having a good time unpacking with Gerard.

“Hey, our room is right next to the elevator, we don’t even have to worry about crossing by anyone else’s rooms or anything,” Gerard hoped he was helping relieve a little bit of Frank’s irritation. Frank glanced over at the elevator and back at their door before settling his gaze on Gerard. He kind of stared at him for a second, realizing that Gee just wanted to make him feel better. He felt the anger melt away a bit and just cracked a smile.

“Yeah you’re right. Always a beacon of hope, Gee.” Frank nudged Gerard as he pushed open the dorm room door and they stared at the space for a moment. It was a lot bigger than they had expected, yet also just as big as expected. The small surprise might have just been from not being used to sharing a room with someone else in a room designed to actually house two people.

Frank pushed the cart in behind Gee and the two began unloading their stuff. One can easily guess who unloaded the quickest. As he emptied out the one box he brought, Gerard noticed that Frank had actually brought quite a few momentos and useless things he claimed to have no attachment to. It was when Frank pulled out an old photo of them and their friends that Gerard had to tease him for being sentimental.

“Awe, you do have things special to you,” Gee cooed, “It’s us.” He put his hands over his heart and blew a kiss towards Frank.

“Oh fuck you,” Frank turned away from his best friend to hide his small smile. Yeah, so what? His friends were important to him.

“You know Ray’s only about a two hour drive away.” Gerard started unloading his clothes first, hanging up shirts and crap and shoving his underwear in a drawer.

“Yeah, we’ll have to go bug him on a long weekend or something.” Frank peeked into the cart and found that there wasn’t anything left in it. Looking over to his stuff, he decided he’d put it all away later and announced that he was going to go return the cart while Gerard finished putting his stuff away.

It was barely five minutes later when Gerard realized he was pretty fucking thirsty, so in hopes of finding a vending machine or something, he decided to go explore the other two halls and maybe even more of the dorm building they were living in.

In the meantime, Frank was quickly walking back towards the check-in area. He wanted to avoid contact with anyone else as much as possible and by just his luck, he ran straight into another fucking person.

“God, are you fucking kiddin-” Frank stopped himself from blowing up when he noticed who he ran into. This painfully white kid didn’t deserve his rage, he was just prepared to run into another Bitch.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” Frank gave a sheepish smile and moved to help the guy pick his stuff up.

“Nah, bro, you’re all good. I wasn’t paying a lot of attention either,” The dude (dudebro) brushed his backpack off after it fell in the dirt and threw it back over his shoulder.

“Did you move in earlier or something?” Frank glanced around this guy for a suitcase or some form of belongings but came up short.

“I had to do summer school so I came in early. What hall are you in?” The guy asked.

“2A.”

“Oh, I’m in 3C. Maybe we’ll still see each other around,”

“I feel bad for cussing at you, it makes for a bad first impression. I’m Frank,” he held out his hand to shake and the guy smiled at him.

“Cody. Good thing you didn’t give me a con-cussing!” Suddenly Frank never wants to see Cody again.

“I guess I’ll see you around?” Frank said, still trying to be friendly and not make any more enemies yet.

“See ya!” Cody smiled, and they walked in opposite directions.

Chapter Text

“Knock knock?” The sound of an unfamiliar voice made both Frank and Gerard whip their heads over to look at their doorway. The first thought that popped into both of their minds was who left the fucking door open?

“Hey, guys,” a voice piped up from the hallway that had both Frank and Gerard’s eyebrows shooting up. This guy sounded so gentle and they hadn’t gotten the chance to process the sweet undertone before he spoke again, “My name is Patrick and this is Pete,” the small man gestured at the other small man standing behind him.

“Patrick wanted to meet our new neighbors, so he made me walk around the hall with him. You had your door open, so you’re first,” Pete added. God, they were tiny. Frank loved it. Patrick was wearing a cardigan and a hat, and Pete was wearing a Joy Division t-shirt.

“Well, I’m Frank,” Frank said awkwardly.

Gerard cleared his throat and tries to deepen his voice. “I’m Gerard,” he said.

“What are your majors?” Pete asked. “I’m Poli Sci.”

“Psychology,” Frank said hesitantly, “I think,” He mumbled under his breath, still unsure about his academic situation.

“Art,” Gerard added.

“Music,” Patrick finished, but then added, “for composition mostly.”

Just then, they heard a yelp from down the hall. Frank didn’t think much of it when they first heard it, but Pete’s face fell immediately.

“God, not this idiot again,” he growled, and stormed down the hall. “Dan, I swear, are you in the same hall as me AGAIN?”

Frank and Gerard attempted to peek around the corner of their doorway but realized there was no way to watch the action from afar so they hurried down the hall. Patrick didn’t move at first, but after a heavy sigh he jogged down the hall to try to prevent Pete from overreacting.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” the sound of a thick British accent sounded from the other side of a door a few rooms down. Pete stopped in front of it with his fists clenched and Patrick stopped next to him when the door swung open.

Two pale giants came into the hall, towering over the smaller men. Frank held back a snicker, glancing over at Gerard to see a small smile fighting to come out. It was kind of hilarious to see this square off.

“Hey, Patrick.” The slightly shorter of the two gave a small wave at the blonde and shuffled over to stand beside him.

“Looks like we’ll be having a lot of coffee this year, huh?” Patrick laughed, the two of them not even bothering to deal with their roommates.

“Why the fuck are we in the same hall again?” Pete snapped at the other tall one again and he responded by throwing his arms to the sides a little.

“It’s not like I specifically asked to be roomed near you, I don’t have control over these things!” He was clearly exasperated and desperate to get out of the conflict.

“You still doing that stupid video thing?” Pete crossed his arms, his mouth pressed in a thin line and Frank noticed a few other people poking their heads out of their rooms.

“Alright, mate, that’s enough, I’m not gonna deal with your crap anymore.” The defendant narrowed his eyes and glanced down the hall to see the unfamiliar faces.

“As long as you don’t wake me up at three in the fucking morning, you won’t have to see me!” Pete spun around on his heels, prepared to walk back to his own room when the other one spoke up again.

“Alright, 3:30 it is!” He snapped back and his roommate’s hand came up to facepalm.

“There’s no way Dan will be waking you guys up that early, I have morning classes this year.” The roommate assured Patrick with a small pat on the shoulder.

“Nah, don’t even worry about it, man. Pete’s usually up late as hell writing anyways. He just wants something to yell about. Don’t even know why.” Patrick shook his head and glanced back over his shoulder at Frank and Gerard.

“Hope you guys get used to this, it might happen a lot.” Patrick gave a sympathetic smile.

“What’s the problem with them anyways?” Frank gestured towards the two still bickering with his chin and the tall one glanced back over at them before focusing his attention on Frank and Gee.

“Okay, if I’m being honest, I don’t even know how they met. Patrick and I met our first year when we had a class together and last year, we didn’t even know we lived in the same hall until we heard these two bumping heads.” He shook his head. “Oh, by the way, I’m Phil.” He stuck his hand out and Gerard was the first to shake it, standing the closest. Frank just gave him a smile and he awkwardly dropped his hand.

“Right. So neither of you ever bothered to ask?” Frank raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, Dan has no clue why… as far as I know.” Phil shrugged.

“Pete won’t talk about it, just gets all pent up whenever I ask.” Patrick lifted his shoulders and looked over at the realization the hall had gone silent. Dan was nowhere to be seen and Pete had just shut the door of their room.

Phil moves around to look into his own room to see if Dan was there and saw him slouched on his own bed with his headphones in his ears, scrolling through his phone. At the same time, Patrick was waving an awkward goodbye to the last two standing and going down the hall to his own room. It only took seconds for Gerard and Frank to find themselves awkwardly standing in the middle of a deserted hallway.

“I feel like we should probably… Go back to the room,” Gerard hitched his thumb back in the direction of his room and left with Frank following close.
Gerard heard Frank’s stomach growl. “You hungry?” Gerard laughed.

“Yeah, can we use a meal swipe?” Frank asked earnestly.

As it turns out, neither of the dining halls had very good vegetarian options that day, and Frank was eating a cold salad unhappily. Gerard took another bite of chicken alfredo pasta and gave his best friend a weird face. Frank paused mid bite.

“What?” He tried to speak through a bite full of salad but just managed to flash Gerard a disgusting mess of partially chewed food.

“You need something real in your body, not this rabbit food.” Gerard dropped his fork and looked around, trying to see if there was any chance of non meat food.

“I’m fine, I’ll live.” He shrugged him off and continued to munch on the crappy salad, not actually okay with it but not exactly up for the struggle of figuring out a solution.

Gerard twirled his fork in the pasta for a few minutes before letting out an angsty sigh. “No, okay, we should go and find you something,” Gerard frowned and nudged at the almost empty salad plate. Frank took a drink of water and rolled his tongue around in his mouth for a minute before sitting back in his seat.

“I’m just going to go grab an ice cream and we’ll go back to the room and play games. I’m fine, really, Gee.” Frank gave Gerard a small smile and got up to go to the dessert area to grab that ice cream he had mentioned. Gerard watched him as he went over there, losing his view a few times as people taller than him walked by and cut off his line of sight.

He didn’t mind much though, he could always find Frank in a crowd. It was like he had a Frank-dar.

Gerard didn’t even realize he had been staring so intently until Frank had returned to the table and furrowed his brows in confusion.

“Why are you staring at me?” Frank stuck his tongue out to swipe a flat lick against the side of the ice cream and Gerard’s gaze darted away, his cheeks getting a little pink.

“Uh,” He coughed, “I don’t- I wasn’t staring at you.” He shook his head, stabbing at the cold pasta with the same fork he had been playing with.

“O-kay,” Frank gave him a weird look but didn’t push the topic, “They had coffee cake over there, by the way.” Frank was quickly trying to lick off dripping ice cream before it got all over his fingers. Gerard’s eyes widened and he jumped up to hurry over to the dessert area. Just as he got there, he spotted what seemed to be the last piece calling to him and he snatched it up before anyone else could even think about it, ducking his head and rushing back to the table.

The pair ate in comfortable silence, managing somehow to finish at just about the same time. When they were done, they dropped their dishes off at the wash station and wandered back down the corridors to reach their room. It was a good thing they chose to go to the closer dining hall, it was cold as hell outside.

“Hey, let’s change really quick and I’ll set the PS up while you pillow pile the bed.” Frank bounced on his heels while Gerard unlocked the door and rushed in to grab his sweats and an old t shirt before rushing across the hall to the bathroom. When he got inside of the space, he discovered that all of the stalls were being used and made a face before turning and going to the opposite end of the hall to see if the other bathroom was any better. To his relief, it was.

When he got back to the room, Gerard had already set up the PlayStation and was simply waiting for his best friend while relaxing on his bed. They had decided to invest in a small projector and just used the wall above Frank’s bed as a screen. It might have been the other way, over Gerard’s bed, if it wasn’t for the closest outlet being too close to Gerard’s bed for the projector to have space.

Frank hopped up on the bed next to Gerard and grabbed a controller, the two sharing a big grin before launching their favorite game.

At least an hour had passed when Gerard paused the game and gave Frank a face, “I have to go to the bathroom.” Frank didn’t even wait for his best friend to get up before he was off the bed and standing by the door, ready to accompany him to the restroom. Boys could be so mean.

“Thanks,” He gave Frank an awkward smile and Frank just rolled his eyes, still not understanding why Gerard was being so weird about this. They had been friends for ages, why would he ever pass judgement on him?

Despite the closer bathrooms still being oddly full, the end of the hall restrooms were still completely empty and Gerard beamed as he hurried into a stall. Frank kicked up against the wall, staring at his shoes while he waiting for his best friend to finish up.

It was in that moment that the most beautiful smell he had ever had grace his nostrils wafted into the room. Frank closed his eyes and took a big whiff, the combination of something beautifully mouth watering and shit filled his senses and he exhaled with a grossed out face. Never again did he want to dampen the beauty of food with the smell of a toilet.

Gerard exited the stall and washed his hands, humming something under his breath. He was about to grab a paper towel when he paused and tilted his head. Frank knew he had to be smelling the same thing and made the ‘we need to find out what that is’ face.

The two quickly exited the bathroom and found themselves staring into a door wide open revealing none other than Hell itself. Bright yellow lights were glowing from within, some kind of soft pop music was bubbling around and Frank’s own personal Satan was dancing around in some ridiculous ass outfit while his partner in crime was eating something from his own bed.

Frank halted so quickly that Gerard had bumped into him initially and proceeded to stare over his shoulder into the room.

“It’s so… Bright.” Gerard whispered. Frank nodded in agreement and they both toed forward just to get a better view at the bubble of sunshine. Frank noticed a few colors that fit Roy G. Biv from above the friendly-not-green-giant’s head and wasn’t sure if he was glad to see the queer pride or disgusted by the obvious display of gay. Gerard also took that time to notice the little sign on the door that read “straighties be gone” and thought that nobody in their right mind would just waltz on in to join KC and The Sunshine Band.

“What’s up, bitches?” Frank’s own Regina George straight from hell turned around and spotted the pair gawking at them. A smile split across his face and he gestured for them to enter the room. “Come in, come in.” They just stood there and stared at Mitch.

“Hey, we have some, uh… Something with tempeh and veggies if you’d like some.” Scott lifted his bowl up and towards the two still standing in the hall. Frank looked over at Gerard and back to the bowl, his mouth already watering. At the sound of some good old tempeh, Frank was turning into putty.

“Go. You need food.” Gerard nudged Frank forward and kept pushing him until they were inside, at least, the door frame.

Hesitantly, Frank nodded at Scott. He was doing everything in his power to ignore the fur ball standing next to him that would dissuade him from accepting food he so desperately craved.

As Scott was spooning some food into a bowl, he glanced over at Gerard to ask if he would like any as well. Gerard just shook his head, but smiled awkwardly as a thank you.

“So what brings you two down to this hall?” Mitch sat down on his desk chair, one leg crossed over the other and a small smirk settled on his face. His phone sat face up on the desk next to him and his hand was resting only a few centimeters away from it, as if perched and ready to shoot out at the sound of a notification.

It hadn’t dawned on Frank until that very moment that he was still in his own damn hall and now he knew for sure that this little bitch and his Groot sized friend were living far too close for comfort.

“Our room is at the other end.” Frank turned his irritated glare on the fuzzy fiend, forgetting the bowl of food in his hand and letting out a frustrated groan, storming out of the room. Gerard glanced after him, gave an awkward I’m so sorry to the two boys and followed after his best friend, not entirely sure why he was so angry.

Chapter Text

Mitch sighed heavily staring at all the boxes of clothes he had packed. No, he did not want to leave any of his clothes at home. No, he was not about to leave any of his clothes at home. No, he was not about to leave any of his SpongeBob DVDs at home. Yes, it was a lot, but he was determined that he would keep his dorm minimalist and clean at all times.

Even after all the high school counseling and all the college applications and all the research, Mitch still didn’t really feel sure why he was going to college. Mostly because adults kept telling him he had to. But Scott was going too, so he figured it couldn't be too bad.

Speak of the devil, Scott pulled up to his driveway at that moment in his Jeep.

“Hey Cassandra!” Scott shouted.

“Hey Rachel!” Mitch waved back.

“How ya doin baby?” Scott got out of the Jeep and pulled Mitch into a hug. Mitch planted a big ol’ kiss on Scott’s ear with a big “mwah.”

“I need a big, strong man to help me with my stuff,” Mitch said, gesturing to the mess on his driveway. “Just some light packing,” he smiled innocently.

“One day you’re gonna KILL me, Cassandra,” Scott laughed, grabbing one of the heavier-looking boxes and hauling it into the Jeep.

“I pick music for the first half of the drive!!” Mitch announced.

“Fine, but just know we’re listening to ONLY Beyonce for the second half of the drive then,” Scott said.

The drive through Texas was fairly uneventful. Mitch was having fun blasting his favorite songs and singing obnoxiously, but Scott kept on thinking about his parents and his sister. He was having a good time listening to loud music and hanging out with Mitch and he was excited to start school. He was just trying to process the fact that he was entering a new era of his life. Hell, he was starting college. He was on his way to being a real, actual adult, which was kind of baffling.

By the time they pulled into the parking lot on move-in day, Scott felt more or less ready to face the school year.

“You still wanna film a Superfruit move-in vlog?” Scott turned to Mitch when they parked.

“Uh, yeah! We gotta document this shit!” He said, digging out the camera from his backpack and setting it up. “How do I look? Do I look terrible from being holed up in a car?”

Scott touched Mitch’s hair a little bit. “You always look terrible, honey.” He smiled at him. Mitch scoffed and pulled down the mirror in the sunshade.

“Ugh, don’t think there’s much we can do about your mug either,” Mitch said, wiping some oil from his face with a wipe. “That’ll have to do.” He pressed record on the camera.

“Hi, welcome to Superfruit, the best show on the internet, my name is cheese!” Scott said expressively to the camera.

“And my name is chips and together we make a crunchy snack. A snacc.” Mitch finished for him, and laughed a little.

“Today on Superfruit we’re moving into college!” Mitch took the camera and pointed it at Scott.

“Show ‘em what you’ve done, Scotty.” Scott laughed, holding up his eldritch of a creation.

“Scott, they’re not gonna know what it is, you have to explain it,” Mitch laughed from behind the camera.

“It’s a dog!!! I swear it looks like a dog!” Scott was bent over, laughing.

“Made out of a burrito wrapper from Taco Bell, right,” Mitch mocked him. “It looks nothing like a dog, Scott, it looks like a penis.” Mitch flipped the camera around so it was facing him for a moment. “Someone please show Scott what a dog looks like,” Mitch said.

Scott threw the paper at Mitch, still laughing. “See, this is why Mx. Mitchy doesn’t drive like this! Because SOMEBODY doesn’t have any artistic ability.”

“What does artistic ability have to do with driving?” Scott laughed, and Mitch cracked up as he hit the record button so it would stop. “Should we film the outro while we’re here? And the actual move-in can just be the main part of the video.”

“Sure, just in case we run out of time. Plus there’s good lighting in this car right now.” Mitch set the camera on the dash and hit record. “1, 2, 3, now it’s time for our weekly obsessions!!!” Scott sang while Mitch did a random riff in the background.

“My weekly obsession is COLLEGE!!” Scott said, throwing his hands up for emphasis but hitting the ceiling of the car on accident. “Ow,” he clutched his hand and Mitch cracked up.

“My weekly obsession is this fucking beautiful and impractical coat that I wore today for the sole purpose of this video and will take off later when we’re actually moving things in.” Mitch said as Scott petted the coat.

“lksflgdjskgflSONG! orelseyouwillDIE!” they mumbled in vague unison. The title of the segment is “Everyone! Here’s a good song to listen to, don’t listen to anything else today!” and sometimes they add “or you’ll die,” and most of the time they just enthusiastically mumble that entire part.

“My song of the week is Ignore Me by Betty Who because it is still! A! Banger!” Scott said, clapping his hands at the last words for emphasis.

“My song of the week is… uh…” Mitch scrolled through his music library for a moment trying to think, “uh… IDK About You by Fever Ray, it’s really weird and it kinda scares me a bit but the music video is a really creative expression of queer identity.”

“Thanks so much for watching guys we love you sooo much, we’ll see you next week on Superfruit!”

They blew a kiss at the camera and sang the iconic “goodbye” and hit record. Mitch sighed loudly.

“Damn, we’re college students now,” he said, staring at the camera in his hands.

“We are.” They sat in silence for a moment.

“Wild.” Scott breathed out, shaking his head a little bit. “Do you feel like you’re ready?”

“Fuck no. But it’s literally already better than high school so I’m not complaining.” Mitch sighed. “Let’s start this move-in video I guess.”

Mitch got out of the car and filmed himself, putting on his sunglasses. “So I’m gonna take y’all for a tour of the place even though I don’t even know where I’m going yet. We’re just leaving the parking lo-“ Suddenly there was a car door in Mitch’s face as he was speed walking and he fell to the ground.

Mitch’s only saving grace was probably that he didn’t drop the camera. He landed straight on his ass and - oh fuck, he just bought these jeans two days ago.

“Ah, fuck, my Gucci jeans…” Mitch spoke without even realizing, trying to check to make sure they didn’t get too dirty or ripped or anything.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” asked the voice of the person who presumably opened the door on him. His jeans had sustained some moderate damage and dirt. He looked up at the person who had opened the door on him to find a 2-foot tall punk kid.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Mitch sighed, but my Gucci jeans aren’t. Mitch irritably got up, wiping the dirt off his ass.

“Sorry about that. What’s your name?” The punk kid was wearing jeans with big rips in the knees, converse, and a shirt that repeatedly says “i am a monster.” He offered a hand to help him up, and Mitch just stared at his lip piercing. Ugh, middle school flashbacks.

“Mitch,” he said, taking the boy’s hand, getting up, and shaking it. This kid was about 2 feet tall.

“I’m Frank,” he said. His breath smelled like cigarettes.

“Nice to meet you,” Mitch muttered, and peeked into the car to find a greasy-haired boy in a black hoodie, watching the action.

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” Mitch offered, trying to sound at least a little polite, despite the irritation building up in his somach. God, small talk is awful. Mitch felt so incredibly awkward and pissed off he wanted to die.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Frank responded, and Mitch very eagerly walked away from that awkward hell of a conversation. Scott hurried away after him.

“What the hell just happened?” Scott asked after they had walked out of earshot.

“I just mentally re-lived my entire emo phase in the course of fifteen seconds.” Mitch blurted out monotonously, staring at his best friend before shaking it off and setting his hands on his hips, “Okay let’s go move in. I don’t want to be out here with the animals anymore.”