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Oh, you know Kristoff! I know you’ve met him. He’s Sven’s friend. You know Sven! Jessica’s boyfriend. Jessica that I worked with at B&H. Yes, that’s her. She lives with Sven and Sven is friends with Kristoff. Oh, I know you’ve met him. He came to the thing - no, in the summer. The thing with the, you know, by the river? With the - oh, didn’t you? I thought you did. Huh.

You went to Jessica and Sven’s housewarming party, didn’t you? He was there. I mean I don’t think he talked to many people, he was mainly sitting in the corner. I did talk to him a bit but I talked to everybody, I always try to.

Well, why do you go to parties if not to meet people?

Why do you ask, anyway?

No, English. He sounds English, anyway. But I only talked to him for a minute.

I can’t believe you said that! You’re so rude.

What do you mean, what did you say! Just now, when Siân asked you which Chris you meant, and you said not Chris, Kristoff, you know, the man Anna kisses when she’s drunk.

It only happened once, anyway. And I was very drunk so it doesn’t count.

Well maybe it WAS only a couple of glasses but you know I’m a lightweight.

Okay, maybe it was twice. But you said it like it happens all the time and it only happened two times which is hardly any and barely worth mentioning.

There’s plenty of other ways you could have described him, is my point. You could have said he was tall or blond or has brown eyes or I don’t know. Lots of things.

I’m not the one who keeps talking about him! You’re the one who keeps bringing him up - I just thought it was rude, that was all. And anyway I don’t ALWAYS kiss him. It was only three times. It’s not like I slept with him or anything.

Oh my god, who told you? I’m serious! Who told you?

Well I’m not ASHAMED of it or anything. He’s just not my type, you know.

Of course I have a type, everyone has a type. I’ll have you know I’m pretty picky.

Stop laughing. You’re so rude.

I don’t know! I don’t even know how it happened. We were both there and we were talking, you know, just being friendly, I mean I’m not saying we’re FRIENDS but - stop laughing - anyway we were talking and then he kissed me - okay, I kissed him - well I’m not sure. I mean we’d kissed before so it doesn’t matter, does it. Who kissed who on this occasion.

Well if he was a BAD kisser I wouldn’t keep doing it, would I.

And then things sort of - went on from there. You know. In that sort of direction. And I don’t know why because he’s not my type AT ALL. But it was fun, you know. He’s pretty good at it.

Don’t be silly. It was a one-off.

No, it wasn’t like that. I’ll tell you what happened. I was collecting my Chinese takeaway, and as I was going in the restaurant someone was coming out with theirs so they held the door for me, and it was Kris! So of course he said hello and everything and we ended up chatting and leaving together and he lived practically next door so we DID end up eating dinner together, but we didn’t have dinner together.

I’m not sure what your point is.

What do you mean, what time did I go home. It wasn’t late! We just ate and you know, he had something to do first thing in the morning, he had to help his mum with something, so I went home.

Yes, I suppose that is sweet. I didn’t think much about it.

I did NOT sleep with him. We ate dinner and we talked and maybe we kissed a bit but then I went home because he had to help his mum collect her new fridge in the morning.

Well he can’t think we’re going out because we AREN’T. We only went out for that drink that time because he lost a bet.

It’s a long story. No, the bet was with me! I said, I bet you a drink you can’t - it doesn’t matter. Anyway he owed me a drink so we went out and we had a drink and what time he went home the next morning is none of your business.

You know I don’t want a boyfriend right now.

Not that it’s like that because it isn’t.

Stop it.

So, I - oh, is that me? Hang on - can I just take this? Won’t be a sec. Sorry, thanks.

(Hi! Hi, Kristoff - yes we’re just at the Crown - this Sunday? Sunday coming? Yes of course! That sounds lovely. OK! OK, yes. Tell your mum I’ll bring that CD. The Christmas one. Actually, I’ll make her a copy and then she can keep it. Lovely! OK, see you later. Bye!)

Okay, where was I….yes, Sunday lunch at his mum’s. She’s such a good cook, she - what do you mean it sounds like he’s my boyfriend? Of course he’s my boyfriend.

Since ages!

Goodness, you don’t pay ANY attention to me! I talk about him all the time.