If his parents knew, they’d blame college. Their biggest fear was something terrible happening to him while he was away from home. Their second biggest fear was Mark wilding out now that he was away from their watchful eye.
He blinks at the ceiling, shadows trying to take shape in the dark. Is liking guys considered wilding out? Maybe college is to blame. Straight when he left home, not so straight now. It seems like a solid argument.
Mark rolls over and frowns at the shape of his roommate sleeping soundly. This is his fault. Jaehyun’s a nice guy, an attractive guy, very charming and sweet and hot and annoying because it may have been Mark’s first real college party and he’s pretty sure no one actually plays Spin the Bottle in real life, but someone put a bottle in the middle of a group of people, and the next thing Mark remembered was Jaehyun’s hand on the side of his face and his tongue in Mark’s mouth.
It’s not that he was attracted to Jaehyun romantically. It’s just, y’know. Making out was cool. He’d never really thought about it before. But now he can’t stop thinking about it, and that’s annoying because before that, he had never really looked at a guy and wondered hey, what would it be like to kiss him, but now - ! Now!
He digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. Now, the guy at Starbucks so much as smiles at him and he panics. That guy wasn’t cute before, how the fuck did making out with one (1) man make Mark gay? Okay, to be fair, the guy at Starbucks was good-looking before, but not like that. Mark was just… jealous before. Wished he could be that attractive. Must have been easy for that guy to get dates. Or whatever. That’s all.
And he has gay friends, he knows it’s not a big deal, people are attracted to whoever, attraction is a spectrum or a scale or something along those lines, but it just feels a little like the rug’s been pulled out from underneath him because he doesn’t understand how he’s always felt like Mark but now he feels like Mark but Gay. It’s not a big deal.
It feels like kind of a big deal when he can’t stop crying.
“Are you gay?” Mark can’t help but blurt out the next morning.
Jaehyun looks up as he’s stuffing loose papers into his backpack. “Not really, why?”
“What do you mean not really?”
“I mean I’m not really attracted to my same gender but I’m not immediately against the notion.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” It doesn’t really help Mark though, but Jaehyun’s running late to class and it might be more than a little suspicious to stop him.
“Yuta, you’re gay, right?”
Yuta hums as he continues eating.
“What’s that like?”
He looks up, his face a cross between confused and amused. “You’re gonna have to be more specific. Sexually, emotionally, politically, socially, gimme something to work with, Marcus.”
“Um. Nevermind, I think.” Mark shoves a fry in his mouth, going back to scrolling Twitter on his phone.
Yuta looks at him critically for a moment. “Well, if you figure it out, I definitely have answers. Just let me know.”
Mark nods. “Yep. It was just, like, for a project. Y’know. Gay experience and stuff. I’ll just go to the internet. But like, when did you know that you were gay, hypothetically?”
“Well, hypothetically, I liked my teacher in second grade because he was really cute and every time he smiled it made my day better.”
“Wow, so really early then?” He can feel the disappointment rising in his chest.
Yuta nods, and looks him over again. “But Taeil’s gay and he didn’t figure it out ‘til a couple years ago. Hypothetically.”
“Terrifying,” is the first word out of Taeil’s mouth when Mark asks what that was like. The relief he feels is almost like someone physically lifted a weight off his chest, and he laughs a little. “Don’t laugh, I’m serious! It’s so weird to sit there one day and realize that something as integral to who you are as your sexuality is changing.”
“Yeah,” Mark nods. “That makes so much sense. Because it shouldn’t be a big deal but it still feels like a big deal, right?”
“Exactly!” Taeil pauses in front of the building where his next class starts. “Is there… a reason you’re asking, Mark?”
He gets another flash of panic. “Project. Gay experience and stuff.”
“Oh, okay. Let me know if you need anything else!”
“Will do, thank you!” He watches Taeil jog away, and he feels just a little lighter for it.
He’s still not sure where his head is or how he feels, but it’s nice to know he’s not alone and he doesn’t always have to be confused. He knows, clinically, factually, categorically, that everyone’s experiences are different, and he’s still not convinced of the whole notion that he’s really attracted to men, but if he is, it’s at least nice to know he wouldn’t be the first person to realize so just… really late into the game.
It’s a Thursday night when he knows Jaehyun will be out with his friends at lunar bowling night at the local alley and not coming back until around 2 or 3 in the morning that he cautiously tests his idea. He feels like his friends are going to bust down the door and scream Gotcha! the second he goes to pornhub and clicks the gay tab.
It seems simple enough, but Mark has no idea what he’s looking for nor interested in. He tries out some typical results, but the dudes are too douchey and the sex too fake.
He’s relatively picky when it comes to porn though, so he didn’t exactly expect to sit down and find some mind-blowing, eye-opening, gay revelation porn right off the bat. It comes slowly instead, taking in bits and pieces of different videos and dynamics until he comes across one about two best friends fucking around and sucking each other off. It’s probably all for show, it’s obviously just for consumption, but they talk a little first and there’s an obvious chemistry, and he likes the way they smile at each other before one pulls his basketball shorts down – making Mark laugh a little - and begins slowly jerking himself off – making Mark stop laughing entirely.
He doesn’t do anything at first, just rests his head on his crossed arms as he watches, wondering if he can get into it.
The one guy has a really nice smile even if the other guy looks sort of plain, but he sounds really fucked up when Nice Smile Guy lowers his mouth down the length of his dick, so Mark’s not too upset by it.
The video is twelve minutes of them doing much of the same, playfully teasing each other, giving each other head, and kissing. Nothing wild, nothing more, but by the time Mark cums into his fist, he’s already decided to bookmark it.
Maybe he is a little gay.
He’s sitting at a table in the food court at college a few days later, watching Jungwoo flutter his eyelashes as he effortlessly steals Doyoung’s food. Is everyone he knows gay? No, that’s not true. Just like… a lot. An inordinate amount. That seems strange, or like a sign maybe. He turns to Yuta.
“You, um, you said I could talk to you if I had more questions right?”
Yuta upends the bag of Skittles directly into his mouth before answering. “Shoot.”
“So if, like, my friend? He’s gay, and um. He just like started figuring that out. Would you have any like Pro Gay Tips for him?”
Yuta’s chewing gradually slows until he stops, and Mark doesn’t like the way he’s looking at him. “Your friend?”
“More of a - uh - classmate, I guess? Just a guy. Someone.”
“He’s probably pretty confused, then, if he’s just figuring it out.”
“Well, I guess the best thing is that he has people to talk to. Does he have people to talk to?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Well, tell him whenever he’s ready, I’m sure his friends would really like to help him with that.” Yuta nods at him gently. “Marcus.”
“As much shit as we give you, you know you can talk to us right?”
Mark can’t help but blush now that he knows he was being so ridiculously obvious, but he just nods and takes a bite of his hamburger that he’s not even hungry for.
The thing about being late into the game is that everyone else is already at the finish line. Mark has just started running. The public is impatiently looking at him, because the race won’t end until he reaches the finish line, and they want to go home.
Mark does his best to take it slow. But slow doesn’t mean good, and the only intimate way to come to terms with his sexuality – such a big, big word – is porn. He doesn’t jerk off to it every time he watches, though sometimes it’s impossible not to get hard, but he watches out of curiosity to find out what he might like. What he discovers instead is that the amount of porn in websites is very limited, and he keeps running into the same videos again and again – perhaps because he has a certain penchant for some kinks.
Late at night, watching porn on his phone with a piercing frown on his face while Jaehyun soundly sleeps a few meters away, Mark realizes that he can’t keep doing this. Not only because he’s watching porn in his roommate’s presence, but because it’s becoming an obsession. He needs someone to experiment with – and he’s suddenly grateful Yuta can’t hear that thought, because he’d kill him for using the word experiment. It’s a straight word. Straight boys experiment, gay boys enjoy.
So Mark needs someone, but who?
“Do you know any gay guys?” Mark asks.
Jaehyun, waiting for the barista to hand him his coffee, raises his eyebrows at him. “Our friends? Your friends?” he proposes.
It’s not the best place to discuss this. There are a couple of girls behind them that attend Mark’s Digital Design classes.
Mark gulps. “I mean, available gays guys.”
The relief is that Jaehyun doesn’t seem to be surprised. Perhaps Mark should have lowered the volume of his phone while he watched porn, but after so many years using his headphones he might have lost a bit of hearing.
“Mark,” Jaehyun says, careful but slightly amused. “Did I turn you gay?”
Mark feels his cheeks heat up. “You didn’t- you didn’t turn me gay!”
He kind of did, though. Was Jaehyun his sexual awakening? No, not sexual. Perhaps just his gay awakening.
“Sure,” Jaehyun indulges him.
The barista arrives with Jaehyun’s coffee, pretending that she hasn’t heard anything while she was preparing it, and Jaehyun thanks her with an enchanting smile. When they turn around, Mark notices that his classmates are fixedly staring at him, and Mark rubs the palm of his hand against his forehead, trying to cover his face.
Then he feels a tug, Jaehyun dragging him out of the café by the wrist. Mark is confused, but he’s even more confused when Jaehyun leads him to the parking lot and halts right by the ticket machine. Jaehyun places his coffee on the floor, straightens up, and holds Mark’s jaw between his hands.
Mark blinks up at him, not so confused anymore. Now he’s just terrified. “What are you doing?”
“Before you break anyone’s heart,” Jaehyun begins, like he can tell that Mark is about to break the hearts of half the students on campus. “I’m giving you another chance to think if you like boys.”
Mark should be ashamed, because he parts his lips in anticipation and Jaehyun notices, letting out a small scoff before diving for the kiss. It’s nothing like the kiss at the party, perhaps because Jaehyun is sober and knows what he’s doing, and damn, Jaehyun is great at kissing. Mark doesn’t dare to touch Jaehyun, his hands becoming fists at his sides, though Jaehyun cups the back of his head and tilts his own head, and then there’s tongue, and it’s too, too warm, and Mark forgets to breathe. He doesn’t forget how to breathe, he just forgets the whole existence of such thing until he gets dizzy from the lack of oxygen. That pushes him to half moan, half gasp in the kiss, which is much more embarrassing than anything he has experienced before, and Jaehyun’s lips irremediably quirk up.
Jaehyun moves away with a smile, his thumb rubbing Mark’s lower lip. “So?”
Mark’s body is burning. He croaks out, “Yeah.”
“Nice.” Jaehyun squats to grab his coffee and turns around like nothing happened. “Let’s go.”
It was foolish of Mark to think that he wouldn’t get caught. In fact, it takes three hours. A message from Yuta pops up on his phone’s screen. JAEHYUN???, it says. And yes, Mark is still hanging out with Jaehyun, so he doesn’t understand why Yuta is panicking.
He understands one hour later, as he walks into the bar where they reunite every Friday, and all his friends shift into a solemn silence. No greetings. No explanations. Just Taeil, Yuta, Doyoung and Jungwoo staring at him. It reminds Mark of the time he left the stove on and his mother found out.
“What?” Mark asks, looking behind him in case his friends aren’t actually staring at him.
Doyoung clicks his tongue, disapproval in every inch of his face. “Is there anything you want to tell us?”
Is Doyoung talking about the gay thing? He doesn’t know if he’s ready to tell the gay thing. Not officially.
“That depends on what you already know,” Mark attempts, rubbing the back of his neck.
Doyoung glowers. On the other hand, Jungwoo uses his soft, dangerous voice, to reveal the valuable information they hold against Mark, “You’re dating Jaehyun?”
Oh shit. That explains Yuta’s text. Is this what happens when you kiss boys? Everyone spreads it around and gossips?
“Of course not.”
Jungwoo lifts his index finger as to warn him, “Doyoung saw you two kissing,”
Mark pales, because he can’t really explain that kiss. For god’s sake, it had tongue. Claiming that it was accidental is not believable, since Mark was enjoying and Jaehyun was very determined to let
So Mark slips on his seat with a whine, throwing his head back in despair. “It’s not like that, okay?” he complains. Doyoung isn’t convinced and frowns at him until Mark breaks, since he’s the only one that pushes Mark’s boundaries. Doyoung won’t let him go around kissing boys if he doesn’t confess what’s going on. “He was helping me to figure out… stuff.”
“Dude.” Jungwoo cackles. “You’re supposed to figure out your sexuality with someone that actually likes men.”
That’s advice. And Mark needs advice, so he properly sits on his seat, eyes drawn to Jungwoo.
“Because it’s not the same,” Jungwoo assures him with a shrug. “It’s better when the other guy does want to kiss you.”
Mark considers that piece of information for a moment. Does that mean that Jaehyun’s kiss wasn’t as good as it could be? Mark isn’t sure that he’s ready for a kiss better than that one; his heart is fragile and sensitive, and so is his dick – only sensitive, not fragile, but still should be handled with care.
Mark can’t ask his friends to help him this way. One hand inside his pants and they will be awkward for the rest of their lives. With Jaehyun it’s different, because Jaehyun shrugs off even the most important problems, as if his heart couldn’t beat more than 60 times per minute; he could kiss Mark’s dad and wouldn’t consider it a big deal.
Plus, even if the four men around the table are quite attractive – beyond average, that’s for sure – Mark doesn’t feel the need to kiss any of them.
Destiny agrees with him, or that’s what Mark wants to believe, because the solution walks through the door of the bar in that instant.
“Oh, yeah, I invited Ten to the dinner!” Taeil announces, like he shouldn’t have announced that before letting his friends begin a discussion about Mark’s sexuality.
Mark knows Ten, but not much; he’s Taeil’s friend, that friend who helped him to involucrate himself in associations and offered all the information about his rights. He’s not just an ally: Ten is gay, Mark remembers that.
And he’s pretty, cute, sexy, whatever you want to call him; he’s everything, for real. Now that Mark is seeing him through his newly acquired gay eyes, he feels hot right away, his tongue entangling at the sight of the boy. At least Mark knows that he’s into older guys now – Jaehyun, Ten, that porn actor that looked around thirty – or maybe he’s jumping into conclusions.
Ten looks like a guy that Mark would want to kiss.
“This is perfect,” Doyoung observes.
Everyone knows what Doyoung is planning. He’s going to push Mark into Ten’s arms for guidance, since Ten is used to dealing with people’s sexuality issues.
“Are you ready to tell others that you might be gay?” Yuta asks Mark, however, worried.
Doyoung lets out an exasperated sigh. “Please, he let Jaehyun eat his mouth in public.”
And Yuta punches his arm. “Let Marcus talk.”
It’s a hasty decision, but it doesn’t imply coming out to everyone. Just to Ten. And Ten must have run into a hundred boys like him, so Mark shouldn’t be afraid of being judged or mocked for his doubts. It’s a better strategy than finding random, strange guys to kiss until Mark decides that he’s ready to come out. It’s better than kissing Jaehyun in public spaces and having everyone talk about it.
Mark stutters a hesitating, “Fine.”
When he arrives at his dorm, the first thing Mark does is pull his pants down. The second thing he does is to check the time: it’s one in the morning, so he has at least one hour before Jaehyun turns up.
With his dick in hand, Mark forces himself to try out his friends first. Jungwoo, Yuta, Taeil, Doyoung. It doesn’t work: he’s half hard, but he already was when he walked in. But the moment he thinks about Ten, the mood changes right away. He gets so hard, so fast, that he feels something akin to amazement rising in his chest. This explains so many things about his jerk off sessions: the difficulty to get hard with heterosexual porn, how long it always took him to come, how he didn’t feel that his orgasms were as good as the ones his friends described.
Mark thinks about Ten, and every fiber of his body becomes overly sensitive, like it was waiting for this to happen. For eighteen years. Ten has nice thighs, nice arms, a really cute nose, and the sort of lips that feel heavy around a dick. He has a sweet face too, one of those faces that Mark has always wanted to come on.
“Oh my god,” Mark whispers to himself, stroking his dick to full hardness.
Mark pushes his pillow away from the bed and onto the floor, and lies back, closing his eyes. With his eyes closed, it’s easy to have an accurate picture of Ten in his head. Mark wonders how it would feel to be inside Ten, his dick into his ass; it has to be better than his own hand, that doesn’t completely cover his dick, that is always slightly cold. The veins of his dick, now swollen, swallowed in tight heat.
And then he wonders how it would be like to be on four for Ten, spread on bed, exposed and vulnerable. Perhaps Ten has fucked a lot of guys that way – lost, confused boys that needed a good dicking to accept that they were gay. Mark wants to be fucked like that, wants Ten to laugh at him for believing that he wouldn’t enjoy this.
That thought pushes Mark to his edge, unprompted, before he can stop jerking off to last more. He gives into it instead, hips bucking up into his hand with erratic, rushed thrusts. Perhaps it’s too soon – especially because his sessions are usually long – but it feels so good, like his body is exploding, that he has to put his fist into his mouth not to moan embarrassingly loud.
The next time Mark sees Ten, he doesn’t feel embarrassed. He feels guilty.
This has never happened to him before, but then Ten greets him with a smile, oblivious of how Mark has come to the thought of him for the last five days, and Mark is hit with a wave of guilt. Perhaps it’s because he came so good, and because deep inside he knows he won’t stop anytime soon.
Mark names it Gay Guilt.
“I think you have a good support circle,” Ten tells him, like he’s happy of that. “Most people don’t have any queer friends.”
They meet in a café next to Mark’s faculty, and Mark is nervous, not only because he’s meeting Ten, but because anyone could hear them talk about his sexuality. Mark decides to consider it a step he has to take, to normalize his own preferences. He doesn’t want it to be a secret.
“We flock together, don’t we?” Mark asks. “Yuta always says so.”
Mark leans on Yuta’s arguments because, like Ten has pointed out, sometimes he uses discriminatory language. It’s not on purpose, but it’s integrated in Mark’s head despite hanging out with gay boys all the time.
Ten doesn’t chide him for bringing up that stereotype, however. “That’s not entirely wrong, to be honest. It’s a matter of being comfortable.”
Mark nods. He understands that, because he resorted to Yuta when he needed advice. Asking Jaehyun about his sexuality was a bit more awkward, even if Jaehyun doesn’t seem to have any dislike for kissing him.
“This is a question you’re going to hear a lot.” Ten bends over the table, pushing his coffee aside and grinning at Mark. Mark is torn between liking the proximity or not; Ten is crazily pretty, and the closer he comes, the better Mark can see his eyelashes and the glint in his eyes, and those lips he has been fantasizing about. “When did you realize? And how?”
For once, Mark is grateful to have a story to tell. Yuta doesn’t have one, for example. Rumor has it that Doyoung has the best story, though he refuses to tell it, and Jungwoo has heard it but spirals into a laughter fit if he tries to talk.
“I’m gay because Jaehyun kissed me,” Mark states. Ten frowns at him, reproving, and it takes Mark a moment to see the wrong in his statement. “I mean, I found out I was gay because Jaehyun kissed me in a party a few weeks ago.”
“Better,” Ten compliments him, satisfied with the correction. He lifts his eyebrows. “So, Jaehyun?”
Mark almost chokes on his drink. “No!”
“Completely sure.” Mark nods several times on a row, a discreet attempt at concealing the blush on his cheeks. “Why?”
Ten isn’t even a bit ashamed of answering. “Doyoung told me you want to meet guys.”
The bad news is that Mark didn’t tell Doyoung. He told Yuta. And then Yuta spread it, obviously, and Mark doesn’t want to know how far that information has travelled.
Distressed, Mark buries his face in his hands. This isn’t a good beginning for him and Ten, because no one in his right mind wishes to be a toy to experiment with. Or maybe Ten does, but Mark would feel bad using him. He only differs when he has his own dick in his hand.
Misinterpreting his silence, Ten holds his hand over the table and gives it a soft squeeze. “You don’t have to come out of the closet, you know. You can just, live your life, no explanations needed.”
Mark stares at him for a second. Ten is touching his jerking off hand, and Mark swears that this thought alone is making him revive his puberty.
“That sounds good,” Mark agrees, trying to swallow the knot in his throat.
Because that’s what he wants to do: pull Ten’s pants down without explaining it to his friends, to their friends. Isn’t hooking up supposed to be easy? Jaehyun gets around all the time, and Yuta has never had any problem to find fuck buddies.
Mark could just ask Ten, right? But what’s the etiquette for this, telling Ten in a café that he wants to fuck him? Ten probably has guys lining up for him, so wasting his time on Mark, who has only ever touched himself, won’t be a very attractive idea.
“You act as if you had to make an announcement on Instagram,” Ten adds, laughing.
Ten might be joking, but Mark notes that down in his head. Just in case.
When Mark receives the fifteenth picture of a cute boy within a day, he decides he wants to die.
Ten spends the weekend fishing for possible candidates to be, how he calls them, Mark’s boy. It’s stupid on many levels, but the stupidest is that Mark feels that Ten is laughing at him. It’s impossible that the way Mark looks at him – the way he checks him out, if Mark is being sincere – has gone unnoticed. Ten’s ass has a magnet for Mark’s eyes, which is funny, really, because he has never been into asses. And yet Ten is setting a boundary between them, as if he won’t let Mark in unless Mark explicitly tells him what he wants.
The fifteenth guy is beyond cute, to the point Mark fears he’s going to regret rejecting this opportunity. It’s obvious that Mark doesn’t play on that league, so he’s surprised that Ten convinced such a guy to go on a date with him; that, or the boy has a very unusual kink that pushes everyone away from him. Maybe Mark is dodging a bullet; there are certain sections in porn sites that he doesn’t even dare to click on.
He has to make a great effort to come up with a flaw, an excuse that sounds convincing to Ten. Ten answers him with an angry emoji.
“I hate you,” Mark declares as he throws himself on Yuta’s bed.
Yuta is still on his pajamas, bed hair and face unwashed, and he has no repairs of lying on top of Mark. Crushed under his weight, Mark makes a noise in the back of his throat, and Yuta laughs.
“Morning to you too, Marcus,” he teases, and when Mark shoves him off his back, Yuta laughs harder. “What annoyed you this time?”
“Ten is setting me up with guys because you told Doyoung that I wanted to get laid. And! Of course! He told Ten.”
“Not nice!” Mark complains, rolling on his side to look at Yuta. Yuta is taken aback at his tone, so Mark clarifies, “I don’t want guys.”
He doesn’t realize how confusing that statement is until Yuta pulls a face. He even retreats, inspecting Mark’s face as if he suspects that he’s high.
And then, careful, Yuta asks, “Are you having a reverse sexuality crisis now?”
Whatever the fuck that is, Mark isn’t having it. Unless being hard for Ten has suddenly acquired that name.
“I’m not going to ask about that.” Mark flings his head back on Yuta’s pillow and extends his arms to the sides, looking at the ceiling. “I kinda wanted Ten, y’know. He looks like he knows what he’s doing and-”
His confession is interrupted by Yuta choking on his own saliva. “What did you just say?”
Mark is done with this. He really is. Yuta claimed that he could talk to him, and that’s what he’s doing right now. Sure, he didn’t specify that the talk could be about Ten, but Mark is going to need a piece of Terms and Conditions if Yuta doesn’t want to hear about his dick’s preferences.
“I said,” Mark begins, not daring to check his friend’s reaction. The ceiling is the most interesting thing he has ever seen in his entire life. “I want to sleep with Ten.”
“Damn.” Yuta pats his head like he’d pat a dog’s head. “Those are some aspirations right there, Marcus.”
That doesn’t help.
Looking back at it, Mark might have had a crush on Ten for a while. A crush that didn’t involve his dick and waking up with a morning wood, or otherwise Mark would have discovered his little secret earlier, but still a crush.
He remembers that when Taeil introduced Ten to the group, Mark felt incredibly intimidated. And the truth is that there’s nothing intimidating about Ten, except for the fact that he’s very pretty, that he has perfect teeth, and that when he wears tank tops, he looks like a wet dream. It was a red flag. Yet Mark brushed it off, kept stammering like a kid when Ten paid him attention, and forced himself to get used to his intermittent presence.
He’d have never imagined that one day he’d be standing next to Ten in a club. Together. He’d have never thought that he would be alone with Ten, for that matter.
This isn’t Mark’s preferred scenery. He can’t dance, for starters, and Ten pouts at him when he refuses to join him on the dance floor. Second, he has never turned anyone down, so he’s terrible at it as the first guy of the night approaches him. Ten has to dismiss him in Mark’s name, but by the third guy that hits on Mark, Ten just leans on the bar and watches Mark struggle with a smirk on his lips.
Mark is supposed to flirt back, he knows. But for many reasons, his mind doesn’t function when someone shows interest in him, less while Ten observes them and Mark lives with the fear of making a fool of himself in front of Ten.
“Come on, that one was hot,” Ten protests after the last man has walked back to his friends.
He doesn’t have to swear it, for Mark catches him staring at the guy’s ass.
Mark sighs. “I just- I don’t know.”
“They can smell you’re a baby gay,” Ten points out. Looking at Ten tonight isn’t much easier than flirting with people, Mark discovers, because the lights of the club highlight Ten’s features. Still, Mark is lucid enough to look confused at that new term, and assuming that he hasn’t heard him, Ten repeats, “You’re a baby gay.”
“Baby gay.” Ten displays a feline smile, or perhaps it’s that Mark has drunk a bit too much and is imagining things. He sets his drink on the bar with a loud thud, not disposed to get wasted and become the dumbest person in the world in Ten’s presence. Ten explains, “Someone that has just realized they’re gay.”
Mark hasn’t been called baby, any type of baby, since he was twelve. It’s weird.
“Is that a good thing?”
Ten seems to find the question very amusing, but his smile dies down as he replies, “You’re the most fun to corrupt.”
For a few seconds, Mark is too stunned to process what Ten has just said. Corrupt. The sort of corruption Mark is thinking about, right?
And then, without thinking twice, Mark blurts out, “You like that?”
It’s evident that Ten isn’t expecting that boldness, but he adapts fast to the situation. And though Mark might have created this situation, the atmosphere around them becomes asphyxiating for him. Maybe it has something to do with Ten stepping closer, serious, glancing up at Mark like he’s a baby gay that he can step on whenever he wants to.
“Are you asking if I like baby gays?” Ten licks his lips. “Or are you asking if I’d like to corrupt you?”
Mark can’t understand what’s happening. But he’s sure that the penetrating look Ten is conceding him is going to give him some wonderful orgasms in private.
So perhaps it’s the alcohol, because even if Mark stutters, he still manages a daring, “T-the second.”
Ten holds him by his hips, grip soft yet firm, and Mark feels his knees wobble a bit. It’s embarrassing, but Mark doesn’t have time to bath in his shame, because Ten answers his question without an ounce of fear.
“Then yes.” He must have heard wrong, because Ten couldn’t have possibly said that he wants to corrupt Mark. That doesn’t make any sense. Ten lets out a small laugh. “Definitely.”
His grip on Mark tightens, like he knows that he’ll need the support. Mark appreciates the good intentions, but Ten’s fingers on him burn, warmness pooling where his hands touch him. “Have you ever fucked anyone?”
“What?” Mark dumbly says, caught off guard.
Ten rolls his eyes. “Girls?”
“No,” Mark replies right away, mouth dry. He has had experiences, but he bets that Ten will think he’s crazy if Mark tries to count them as sex. “Just did some stuff.”
“God,” Ten says, but somehow in his lips it sounds like a curse. Upon fixing his stare on Ten’s eyes, Mark understands the reason: Ten’s gaze is on his mouth, and Mark isn’t an expert, but it looks like he’s about to have his third gay kiss. “Not a baby gay. Just a baby.”
Ten doesn’t have to do much to make Mark go crazy.
It’s still surrealist, however, to find himself in Ten’s room. It’s surrealist that, by the time Mark crosses that door, he’s already completely hard.
The most Ten has done is kissing him in the club, kissing him in the elevator, kissing him by the door. Ten smiles when Mark rushes the kiss, when he wants to lick his tongue in a close mouthed kiss, but Mark doesn’t care that much anymore about Ten making fun of him. He will accept any sort of jeering as long as he can have Ten’s lips on his; those thick, swollen lips that brush against Mark’s mouth with confidence and the certainty that Mark is dying for this.
At first, they just make out in bed, Ten straddling him, and that’s fine for Mark. He has never had the opportunity to do this with a boy, and it explains many of Mark’s existential doubts: it’s the first time Mark doesn’t want to stop, despite the thousand thoughts spinning in his head.
He touches Ten like he will burn him, which drags small laughs from Ten, but Ten holds his hands and guides Mark so that he has a firm grasp on his body. Though shy, Mark explores Ten’s body bit by bit, shivering when Ten moans at the feeling of his fingers under his shirt, marveled at the fact that he can get such a reaction from another person.
It takes Mark a few minutes to travel further down, his hands tentatively tracing the curve of Ten’s ass; Ten thrusts forward, approving, and Mark dares to sink his fingers on his cheeks. Mark regrets it the moment Ten doesn’t keep his hands to himself either, because Ten palms directly over Mark’s crotch, discovering the evident tent waiting for him.
The mere touch over his jeans makes Mark gasp, the pressure of Ten’s hands. It’s ridiculous, but Mark reckons that it’s not the same to touch himself than having Ten touch him. It’s like his body knows the touch doesn’t belong to him, that he’s about to get decent pleasure.
Ten pulls away from the kiss, but instead of looking surprised, he’s amazed. Shameless, he squeezes Mark’s dick through his pants with his whole palm, and Mark gasps again; Ten’s pupils dilate as he stares at him.
“Shit,” Ten observes. “What got you so hard?”
It’s not a legit question. Ten is teasing him for how easily he got riled up, and Mark lets out a small moan as a protest.
“I-” he begins, about to beg Ten not to be so mean. As if he can read his mind, Ten unbuttons his jeans and shoves his hand down Mark’s underwear; Mark blanks out for a couple of seconds, only able to utter, “Fuck.”
It’s pathetic that Ten has him like this, the mere caress of his hand over his dick transforming him into a mess. But Mark is needy, so needy, because he has been fantasizing about this, and it’s going to be difficult to come out of this with his pride untouched.
“Look at this,” Ten says, sounding a bit breathless. Mark obeys, looks at Ten as he pulls his underwear down and frees Mark’s dick. Ten’s hand looks so pretty around his dick that the view makes Mark’s dick twitch. “I could make you come with a handjob in thirty seconds.”
Ten is right. Mark only gets this hard when he’s on edge, and even his balls are unusually tight; his dick is so, so swollen, and Ten glances at it like he couldn’t be happier with that fact.
Taking his time, Ten strokes his dick up and down, his fingertips pushing the thickest vein in Mark’s dick. Mark can’t help but tense up, his abdomen rising with air, and Ten tugs him down on the bed. It’s a way to give Mark a few seconds, because Ten yanks his jeans down completely and Mark feels more exposed than ever; he takes his own shirt off, however, because being naked in front of Ten isn’t a big deal considering he has already touched his dick.
Then Ten climbs over him to press a kiss on his mouth, and now Mark feels confident enough to entangle his fingers in Ten’s hair and pull him deeper into the kiss. That’s a sign for Ten to advance, since he abandons Mark’s mouth and leaves a trail of kisses under his jaw. Mark releases a contented sigh, but that contentment shifts into something else when Ten angles his head and licks a stripe over his carotid. Before Mark can muffle his moan, Ten bites down and sucks, and Mark’s arms irremediably surround Ten’s waist to tow him closer.
Ten realizes right away that Mark is looking for friction, his hips timidly thrusting to brush against Ten’s thigh, but he doesn’t stop sucking until Mark can feel the skin on his neck burn. Then Ten laps his tongue over the bruise, as to seal it, and looks into Mark’s eyes.
“You want to fuck me that much?” he asks, his voice dropping lower and lower. Mark nods, a knot in his throat, and Ten tilts his head to the side. “Do you even know how to do that?”
That’s a rhetoric question too, meant to shame Mark a bit. It makes him think that maybe he was right, that Ten might have fucked more boys like Mark, because he knows what buttons to push to try Mark’s patience. And perhaps Mark is into this, and will take whatever humiliation Ten throws at him.
That’s why instead of replying, Mark tugs at Ten’s shirt, demanding. For once, Ten complies. Mark roams his hands all over him, his chest, his waist, his hips, as Ten gets rid of his pants as well. Ten is so well built, better than Mark imagined, and he swears he could come just by looking at his thighs. His dick isn’t bigger than Mark’s, but he isn’t fully hard yet, so Mark can’t tell yet.
Ten leans down to bite at his lower lip, Mark parting his lips for him, and Ten slightly touches his upper lip with his tongue before breaking the contact. “You’re so sexy,” Mark whispers.
“I’m sexy?” Ten repeats, surprised, and laughs a bit. “You’re so cute, such a cute babe.”
Heat invades Mark’s cheeks, but he likes that. Ten knows that he likes it, if the way his dick responds to his words is anything to go by; that catches his attention, since he fists Mark’s cock and rubs his thumb over the head, any trace of tenderness gone.
Mark startles at the sensation right away. “Shit,” he cries out, palming the mattress for support. “If you do that-”
“You’ll come?” Ten finishes for him, pleased. Mark watches him lick his lips, stare flicking from Mark’s dick to his face, and then Ten tells him, “You’re so big. It’d be such a waste if you didn’t fuck me good.”
Mark is flustered at the compliment, the corners of his lips shyly curling up. God, he wants to fuck Ten good. But he’s so attractive that Mark fears he will come in a matter of seconds, as soon as he fucks into Ten. He wants Ten to feel good for him as well, not to be an useless boy with a big dick.
“I’ll need you to open me up,” Ten mutters, and the mere thought of opening Ten for him has Mark moaning a little, though it passes as a consequence of Ten’s fingers on his dick. “You think you can?”
Ten is going to let him fuck him. And Mark doesn’t have any idea how to do that, but that’s the reason he wanted Ten. Mark is too hard to remember why he was worried a few minutes ago.
Almost as if Ten knew they would end up in his bed, he reaches for the first drawer of the bedside table and pulls out a tiny bottle of lube. He doesn’t push it into Mark’s embrace right away; instead he hauls Mark by the back of his neck, licking into his mouth, and slowly moves him to change positions.
Truth to be told, the situation becomes much more intimidating when Ten lies on his back, laughing at Mark’s dumbfounded expression. And then Mark realizes: Ten is spreading his legs for him, all on display for him and him only, and there’s no going back. Not like Mark wants to go back. But fuck, he has never had anyone open his legs open for him.
Noticing his nervousness, Ten allows him to bend forward and meet him in a kiss. “I’m not a porcelain doll,” Ten whispers to him, an entertained glint in his eyes. “You won’t break me with your fingers. Your cock though, not sure about that.”
Mark hates that his hands are trembling when he opens the lube, but since he’s kissing Ten, he doesn’t notice. He has watched enough porn to know how to begin, so he soaks his own fingers and spreads it over Ten’s entrance, making Ten hum because he hasn’t warmed it up first. Mark massages around first, not because Ten needs it, but because taking the next step is a big leap for him.
“Come on, baby,” Ten encourages him, caressing his back with patience. “Not so careful.”
Mark slips one finger into Ten, and it’s not easy. It takes him a moment to realize that Ten is doing it on purpose – clenching around his finger – to make him more nervous, and that gives Mark the boldness to properly finger him. Ten relaxes then, closing his eyes shut, and Mark observes him for a second. This is the hard part, because porn didn’t teach him to prepare anyone, and he has fingered himself maybe twice in his whole life – and failed, since his fingers don’t reach the right spots and it’s easier to come with his dick alone.
Right when Mark is about to ask if he’s doing okay, Ten orders him, “Another one.” And Mark pushes his finger back, and then shoves two at the same time. Ten’s breath hitches so notably that Mark hesitates for a moment. “That’s good.”
“Yeah?” Mark asks, and his voice sounds so, so raspy that he surprises himself.
He can feel Ten slowly opening for him, and his dick twitches in anticipation, so Mark feels a bit more daring and sinks his fingers up to his knuckles. Ten arches his back at the sensation, but his hips slam against Mark’s fingers, and for the first time, Ten moans out loud.
Mark doesn’t know what he has done.
“You sure you’re a virgin?” Ten accuses him between half lidded eyes, as Mark’s fingers retreat. The veiled accusation is that Mark could have lied to get into his pants, because yes, Ten is into this whole ordeal. “I’m gonna need another one.”
Massaging him with three fingers is more difficult than Mark thought, but three fingers are still smaller than his dick, and Mark doesn’t want to stop this just because he accidentally hurt Ten. Ten is much more responsive to the third finger, messily moaning and then laughing, like Mark giving him pleasure is some sort of joke.
“Didn’t you want to fuck me?” Ten tells him then, and Mark nods so fast that he has to support himself on the bed. “So damn cute.”
Ten closes his legs, however, while Mark positions himself on his knees. And Mark doesn’t understand what Ten is doing until he gazes up at Mark, serious, and commands, “Open me if you want to fuck me.”
Mark feels like he’s going to pass out, yet he makes an effort to slip his hands between Ten’s thighs and pull them apart. Ten opposes certain resistance just to frustrate him, but Mark is incapable of using any strength on Ten, so he gives in the end; and then Mark has Ten on his back, legs spread and completely ready for him.
The simple feeling of the head of his cock brushing against Ten’s ass has Mark panting. But Ten isn’t better: he makes a soft noise of clear impatience, and moves over the blankets to press himself on Mark’s dick.
Even after stretching Ten, it’s hard for Mark to slide in him. He has to grab his dick to lead himself inside, pushing past the initial tightness, and stops as soon as the tip of his cock is inside. He knew it would feel like this, somehow, that it would overwhelm him, for the head of his dick is the most sensitive part and Mark needs a few seconds to deal with the sensation.
But Ten doesn’t let him stay like that forever, and grabs him by the ass to push him inside. It’s too sudden, and Mark nearly falls on him, unable to cope with the heat around his dick. He feels dizzy for a moment, but he knows that he’s groaning out loud, and Ten’s fingers sink on his cheeks to keep him in place deep inside him.
It’s Ten who moves first, enough to fuck himself in Mark’s dick. Mark holds him by the hips, aware that if Ten builds his own pace, Mark won’t be able to last. Ten feels so tight, or maybe he meant it when he said Mark was big, but anyhow the pressure around his dick is both unbearable and amazing.
When he fucks into Ten a couple of times, Mark loses awareness of what he’s doing, and the next thing he knows is that he’s drowning in the crook of Ten’s neck. He hears himself whine, but can only feel his dick pulsing inside Ten as he slams into him once and once again.
“It feels so good,” Mark mumbles, and Ten caresses his back.
Sounding completely fucked out, but still satisfied, Ten repeats in a baby voice, “Feels good?”
The way Ten says it, like he’s proud of him, drags a moan out of Mark.
“You’re doing so well,” Ten assures him, planting a kiss under his ear. Mark gets so nervous that he almost slips out completely, but he rams into Ten in time, hard and deep, and Ten gasps in pleasure. “Like that, babe.”
Even though Ten’s praising helps Mark to feel more confident, his thrusts become erratic every time Ten moans, and he can sense Ten’s desperation in the way he grips him – like he’s trying to guide Mark step by step, but Mark is so eager that he misses the directions from time to time.
Mark isn’t shocked when Ten switches with him, except he pins Mark against the headboard, before Mark can process how bad of an idea this is, Ten is straddling him and fucking himself against Mark’s dick.
And yes, having Ten on display for him was an experience, but having him on top, setting the rhythm, feels like the end of the world.
Mark throws his head back, hitting himself, though he can’t feel any pain. Ten croaks out a laugh and drive Mark’s grasp onto his ass, just so that Mark has the fake sensation of having some control. It’s a mirage. Ten drops on him slowly at first, but that doesn’t last; he speeds up bit by bit, staring at Mark’s face for his reactions, reaching out to immerse himself in open mouthed kisses and encouraging Mark’s pants, like he gets off on that.
It becomes too much soon, and Mark can’t hide it, because he thrusts upwards without control. Even though Ten tries to hold him down for longer, he surrenders fast, and lets Mark carelessly fuck into him, chasing his own orgasm.
That’s when Ten strokes Mark’s hair out of his face, petting him, and his gaze turns into a mixture of tenderness and avarice.
“Are you going to come?” Ten asks him, and though his hands are loving, he rams down so hard that Mark almost chokes on his own saliva. He whispers into Mark’s ear, “Do you want to come in me?”
Mark can’t even answer that. The mere thought of coming inside Ten swallows him, and then Mark is only able to feel Ten’s heat, how he clenches around him and how deep Mark is drowned into him. Within a second he’s coming in waves, gripping Ten so that he keeps rubbing on his dick, completely blinded by pleasure.
It’s better than he has imagined. And he stays like that, his heart racing and his dick pulsing, until he goes soft inside Ten. When Mark recovers his senses, he realizes that Ten is resting his forehead on his shoulder, too undone to climb off his lap.
A wave of worry hits Mark. “You came?”
“Yeah,” Ten replies. And then, laughing at how Mark didn’t even know he had come, he remarks, “You really lost your mind.”
Jaehyun turns around to look at him the moment Mark enters their dorm. He’s studying, or he is until Mark interrupts him, a glare taking over his face.
“What’s up,” Mark greets him, not wanting to bother him.
Though Mark is careful not to make any noise, Jaehyun doesn’t return to his notes. He stares at Mark, insistent, as if he’s watching a documental about animals.
“Something changed,” he says, watching Mark drop his bag on the bed. Then he squints at Mark, at a very confused Mark. “What changed?”
Mark’s mouth opens in shock. It’s the first time he sees Jaehyun after sleeping with Ten. It has been two days, on the first one Mark didn’t sleep in the room and on the second one Mark left for his lecture before Jaehyun could wake up.
It’s impossible that Jaehyun can tell, with a simple glance, that he’s not a virgin anymore. Can Jaehyun smell virginity?
“There’s no fucking way,” Mark protests, offended. Jaehyun smiles innocently. “No fucking way you can notice that.”
Maybe Ten told them, Mark figures. They didn’t talk about keeping it a secret; the neighbours know, that’s for sure, and there isn’t any reason to hide that they had sex, as long as Ten doesn’t spread the details.
Mark feels an odd warmness pool in his stomach. Is Ten bragging about fucking him? As if Mark was a little overpriced gift that he managed to afford?
“So something happened,” Jaehyun confirms, seizing Mark’s expression for answers.
Mark is sick: he likes the idea of Ten bragging about stealing his virginity. Deep inside, he hopes he has told everyone.
“Shut up,” Mark grumbles. He fishes his keys out of his bag and then darts out the fastest he can, aware that Jaehyun will need just another minute to pull the information out of him. “I’m not falling for this.”
Fucking Ten, instead of calming Mark down, sets him on fire.
He can’t stop thinking about him. When they hang out in group, Mark represses the urge of glancing at Ten, but he fails every time. And every time Ten catches him, a smirk on his lips upon noticing the attention, and tilts his head as a subtle invitation.
Mark might have fucked him, yet that doesn’t mean that he’s suddenly unaffected by Ten’s antics. He’s throughout incapable of accepting any of his invitations, and when Ten texts him to make plans with him, Mark just hides in his room until Ten assumes that he’s busy.
His cowardice is unexplainable, especially because Mark dreams every night about Ten and wakes up every morning with his dick hard and sensitive under the covers. Often he waits for Jaehyun to leave, but one night he dreams of Ten tying up his hands and fucking him without prepping him, and Mark doesn’t give a fuck about Jaehyun’s presence: he gets off by grinding against the mattress, biting down on the pillow to muffle his erratic breathing and his moans.
To his luck, when he finishes and glances at Jaehyun, his roommate is soundly asleep.
His dreams, unlike his cowardice, aren’t unfounded. Mark’s ass seems to have become a magnet for Ten’s hand; no matter where, when, and what company they have, Ten always finds a way to pat his butt. Sometimes it’s not a pat. Sometimes Ten shamelessly gropes him while he talks to an oblivious Taeil or Yuta or Doyoung, and Mark does his best at playing along, because he doesn’t want his friends to know that Ten is allowed to touch him however he wants to.
Mark lets him for many reasons. The main one, that he’s too shy to accept that he wants Ten to fuck him, and this is the closest experience for him. It’s not the same to be inside Ten than having him inside, and Mark is aware that it can go wrong if he’s too nervous, that he might not enjoy it despite what his dreams depict.
Coming to terms with the fact that yes, he had sex with Ten, and that yes, he should share it with his friends, is a long journey – two weeks, which is half of his life if Mark counts it in Gay years.
“Damn, you took your time to tell me,” Yuta observes, looking up from his phone. The lack of reaction is disappointing, somehow, but Mark appreciates that Yuta doesn’t make a scene in the middle of a restaurant. “Congrats, Marcus.”
Mark stops breathing for a second, and realization hits him. “Wait, you knew?”
“Ten says you’re definitely gay.” Yuta shrugs, and then his eyes travel down, right below Mark’s hips even though the table is on the way, and he smiles to himself. “And that you’re packing.”
Mark swears he can feel himself pale in response. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Sex isn’t embarrassing,” Yuta says. Mark glowers at him, and he admits, “Okay, maybe at first.”
The silence that settles afterwards is, to Mark’s surprise, comfortable. Yuta doesn’t make a big deal out of Mark losing his virginity, because it isn’t. Mark was the only one worrying for nothing. Ten probably doesn’t think it’s that important either, apart from how evident it was that Ten liked that he was so inexperienced. Mark wishes he could be babied like that again.
“Hey, Marcus,” Yuta calls him then, serious.
Yuta sends him a tender look.
“I’m proud of you,” he says, so naturally that Mark believes he has heard wrong. But then Yuta continues, and Mark understands why he’s spitting this sort of nonsense. “I know I’m always trying to normalize the situation but- It isn’t easy. It was easy for me, but it wasn’t for Taeil, and you were so scared in the beginning that I just thought we were about to have you suffering for a long while.”
Mark hadn’t considered that, but Yuta is right. He acted like it was the end of the world, like it was a little dirty secret, like liking his same gender would change his whole life – and it did, but for the better. Mark shouldn’t have felt so intimidated to admit that he was having a sexuality crisis; his friends weren’t going to judge him, not even if it turned out that Mark didn’t like men in the end.
A little bit overwhelmed by Yuta’s words, Mark jokes, “I’m suffering, thank you so much.”
“Because of Ten?” Yuta shoots right in the target. “You’re so fuckin’ lucky, dude. None of us had another boy so disposed to let us figure out our sexuality with him.”
“You know… I haven’t-“ Mark starts, gulping.
“Slept with him again? Yeah.” Yuta thanks the waiter that brings their food, and then waits for a moment until he’s far away and can’t hear their conversation. “You need to hear that sleeping with him again is fine? Marcus. It’s fine. Sleep with him again.”
Mark has the decency to be flustered, because after all, Yuta didn’t mistake his feelings: he needed to hear that.
Mark’s life is a blur.
Then he’s being pinned on Ten’s bed, Ten licking over the bruise he left two weeks ago, and everything makes sense.
God, Mark is so gay. Is it even possible to be this gay and not to realize in eighteen years? He needs a consolation medal for missing out on this.
“We can’t have this vanishing, can we?” Ten mouths against his neck, dead serious about it.
It’s not like Mark has been thinking about being all bruised up because of Ten, right? Not like he feels that he’s fifteen and wants to show off that someone desires him enough to mark him.
“I want more,” Mark breathes out, whiny, and Ten laughs in his neck.
Mark doesn’t remember how they ended up like this, but it was easier than he thought. They were studying with Jungwoo and Doyoung in the library. And then Ten’s hand landed on his thigh, moving up and up and Up. Mark is sensitive, and overall, imaginative. A hand on his dick is enough for him to get hard. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom, Ten followed him, both of their bags in his shoulders. They didn’t go back.
“Anything for this cute baby,” Ten complies, voice soft, but he bites next to the hickey so hard that Mark startles, hands shooting up to entangle in Ten’s hair. It hurts good, and it hurts better every time Ten’s tongue draws over the bruises, warm and wet and making Mark shiver. “You want to be cute for me, right?”
Ten knows, even if Mark has never mentioned that he was into this. It was pretty obvious the first time, he supposes.
Still, it’s a bit shameful for Mark to mutter a, “Yes.”
The next thing Mark knows is that Ten is dragging him up by the back of his neck, and Mark stumbles over as Ten moves him out of the bed. Mark feels confused, but Ten grins up at him and holds his shoulders, pushing him. On his knees.
On the floor, Mark’s knees tremble. Ten doesn’t waste any time and unbuckles his pants, kicking them down. His underwear goes next, and Mark can’t deny to himself what he has to do, because Ten isn’t fully hard. It’s obvious what Ten is asking for, but Mark’s hands roam over the edge of the bed, hesitating.
Ten has to guide Mark’s hand to his dick while Mark tries to get a better position. He looks up at Ten in a daze, because fuck, he’s about to suck Ten’s dick, but he has no idea how this works. He knows the theory, but the theory doesn’t explain the tent in his own pants either, so Mark can’t trust it.
“A little lesson,” Ten tells him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He parts his legs further, his dick on display, as if he enjoys the fear Mark glances at his dick with. “To learn what I like.”
It feels like a big lesson, but Mark doesn’t want to fall behind. He fists Ten’s cock with care, caresses up bit by bit; it fits in his hand, which allows Mark to use his other hand to support himself on Ten’s thigh. Ten becomes a little bit breathy when Mark is brave enough to stroke him firmly, his stare fixed on Mark’s face.
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that his hand won’t be enough to get Ten hard, just to tease him. Mark’s heart races at the thought of bending forward and taste Ten’s dick, but with his face burning, he does just that: Mark is opening his mouth before he can reach his dick, so only the tip of his tongue brushes against Ten’s dick. Ten hums appreciatively, unaffected by that attempt, but very attentive of Mark’s moves.
Mark licks with more confidence the second time, lapping his tongue over the base of Ten’s cock – maybe to cover his face, but Ten doesn’t need to know that. He forces himself to lick up to the head, and then glances up at Ten, who isn’t looking at his face anymore, but at his tongue. Mark does the same again, and then a third time, and Ten pets the crown of his head. That could be just a rewarding gesture, but as Mark reaches the head of Ten’s cock again, Ten presses his head down enough for Mark to take his cock.
It’s unprompted, and Mark loves it.
Mark feels incredibly warm with the weight of Ten’s dick inside his mouth. But he obeys, he’s a great boy for Ten, and doesn’t pull away. When his nose touches Ten’s abdomen, his dick hitting the back of his throat, Mark feels him get harder.
Knowing that he has an effect on Ten makes Mark proud of himself, and he moves his head up and down until Ten is fully hard in his mouth. Only then he dares to check Ten’s expression, and to his surprise, even though Ten has thrown his head back and is discreetly panting, there’s a smug smile on his lips.
“I want to fuck you so badly, you know,” Ten groans then, noticing Mark has slowed down. He has his eyes closed though, and Mark can see the outline of his jaw so well from this angle; he looks sexy, just like Mark told him last time, and for once it’s Mark’s fault. “You’re going to be so nervous and so tight.”
Mark moans at that, mouth full, and Ten’s thighs tense up at the vibrations. Ten has him on the palm of his hand: of course Mark is nervous. And Ten wants him nervous. Ten wants him to be the mess he is, the mess he becomes when he jerks off thinking about Ten, and he’s going to get it.
Mark is so excited that he sucks too roughly on Ten’s head, sliding his tongue over the slit, and Ten lets out a mumbled curse. He doesn’t hesitate before pulling Mark’s hair and tugging him off his dick, and Mark thinks that he has screwed up until he realizes that Ten is lifting him on his lap.
“What a little pretty mouth you have,” Ten says, his thumb caressing over Mark’s swollen lower lip. He has precum on it, and Ten presses it on his tongue, making Mark open his mouth bigger. “One day I’m going to come all over it, yeah?”
Eager, Mark nods. He’d let Ten come in his mouth right now if he wanted to, but Mark has imagined so many other things for this moment that he can’t let that happen.
Ten presses a chaste kiss on his lower lip, and Mark feels as pretty as Ten says, eyelids fluttering close. That’s what drives him to moan a, “I want you to fuck me.”
Ten doesn’t look surprised. “Is that so?”
Mark nods again. He barely notices how Ten is undressing him while they talk, unbuttoning his pants, slipping his shirt over his head.
“Have you thought about it before?” Ten asks, arrogance in his voice.
Even if Mark tries to answer, the embarrassment ties his tongue up. Any reply would be an understatement anyhow, because Mark hasn’t thought about anything else except Ten’s dick in his ass for weeks.
It must be evident, because Ten clutches his waist harder and whispers, “Oh, you did.” Mark nods for the third time. Ten licks his own lips, like he’s tremendously hungry and Mark is offering him his only meal. “Am I your sexual fantasy?”
Ten is sex on legs. Calling him a sexual fantasy would be offensive, because this is real, because Ten fucks better than in Mark’s virginal imagination, and he’s conscious that he’s about to suffer through that pleasure.
“Y-yeah.” Mark takes a deep breath. Ten is pulling his underwear further down, manhandling Mark around to undress him faster, and Mark has never felt so used. He fucking loves it. “I kept thinking-”
“Yeah?” Ten encourages him.
Mark sees Ten’s predatory smile and blanks out. Then the words surge without effort, as if Mark’s mouth has been trying to confess this for the whole night. “That you’d be so good to me,” Mark muses in a very small voice, timid. “That I wanted to be good for you.”
When Ten responds by grabbing his waist with more strength than usual, Mark discovers that this is Ten’s weakness. But then Ten is turning him around and setting him on four, and Mark can’t help but whine, jutting his legs together.
Ten doesn’t let him, aware that being on four for someone, for the first time, is embarrassing. Mark follows his command without hesitation, though, feeling his dick twitch when he becomes especially aware of how vulnerable he is.
“Look at you,” Ten breathes out, caressing Mark’s back. Mark arches all the way down, reacting to his touch. “If you weren’t good, I’d make you to be good for me. But you’re such a pretty thing anyway, aren’t you?”
Mark can’t breathe, and for once he’s glad Ten can’t see his face. No one has called him pretty before. “Am I?”
Instead of answering, Ten strokes the back of his thighs, and then leaves delicate kisses afterwards. He laughs at how Mark forgets to breathe as Ten moves up, at how simple, cute kisses become tentative licks; and by the time Mark suspects what Ten is doing, Ten is nibbling and sucking on his inner thigh so hard that Mark lets out a loud whimper.
He feels the bruise burn on his skin and nearly begs for more. He’d die for being covered in those, and the hickey pulsing in his thigh makes him even more desperate.
“So pretty that you’re bad,” Ten grumbles. “So fucking bad.”
Mark isn’t ready, but he doesn’t think he’d ever be ready for this.
Ten licks the cleft of his ass, gently biting on his balls and moving upwards, and Mark almost passes out when Ten’s tongue laps over his hole. Ten knows that Mark isn’t prepared, because he holds Mark’s hips so that he doesn’t crumble down on the bed. Yet he doesn’t stop, showering in the noises Mark makes every time he licks harder, every time his tongue pushes past his entrance.
Mark could come just by this, by the mere fact that Ten is eating him out, and he wouldn’t need real friction to orgasm.
When he notices the feeling of warm lube on his ass, he can’t help but shiver, but Ten’s tongue doesn’t retreat. Instead, Ten anchors his hand over Mark’s ass and slips his thumb inside along his tongue, and though Mark gasps out of surprise, he’s amazed at how easily Ten does it.
The whole sensation hits him a second later, as Ten adds another finger and massages without fear, like he knows Mark’s limits better than himself. “Oh my god,” Mark mumbles, pushing back on his fingers. Ten tries to hold him in place, aware that Mark will hurt himself because of his excitement, but Mark doesn’t care. “My fucking god.”
“You like that?” Ten teases him.
“Please.” Mark can’t take any teasing, not right now, when he feels like he’s going to break into pieces. “I need you. I don’t care if it hurts, please, just-”
Ten shushes him, and Mark bites on his lower lip to shut himself up. Ten isn’t going to hurt him on purpose, at least not today, but Mark has exposed himself as soon as he felt a little overwhelmed; it’s part of him after all, even if this whiny, desperate Mark doesn’t have much to do with his self out of bed.
Ten’s fingers already touch him well enough for him to moan every time Ten sinks them whole inside him, but he doesn’t get used to the feeling of being stretched. He feels wet, hot, scraped, and embarrassingly on edge, and it must be evident, because at some point Ten stops fingering him and lets Mark move forward and backwards at his own rhythm. It’s a risk, because Mark thrusts back harder every time, deep enough for Ten’s fingers to brush past the spot that makes Mark groan and tremble.
Then he’s empty, and as he cracks his neck to glance at Ten, he’s aware of what this means.
“Don’t be so selfish,” Ten teases him, but he’s not laughing; he’s not even smiling. When Mark looks into his eyes, he can only spot the black of his dilated pupils and the way they’re seizing Mark’s figure. “Didn’t you want to make me feel good?”
Mark fixes his attention on the mattress, unable to cope with Ten’s intense stare. He hums in answer, because his throat refuses to form any words.
Ten understands him, anyhow. He strokes both of Mark’s cheeks, but only leaves his grip on one of them, prepared to control him. “With this little ass of yours,” Ten breathes out, a certain fondness in his tone.
Mark doesn’t even have time to blush, because Ten’s dick brushes against his balls and he gasps shamefully loud. He doesn’t get what Ten is doing until he feels his dick travel up, teasing, stop at his entrance just to ignore it and keep moving up and down.
Mark feels like he’s going to go crazy, clenching around nothing. Ten lets out a clear scoff.
“Ten,” Mark complains, but he sounds so, so weak even to himself.
Ten stops. “What?”
There are many things that Mark wishes to tell him. That he wants Ten to fuck him until he can’t move for a whole week, that he loves the teasing but it’s going to kill him if Ten goes on, that his arms are trembling and they haven’t even started, that it’s not healthy to be this hard, for sure.
But Mark opens his mouth and the only sound that comes out is, “Ten.”
Mark is broken.
Ten’s dick presses against his entrance, and Mark feels himself tighten, expectant; it’s not a good idea, because it’s more difficult for Ten to push inside him, but he’s patient enough to do it. Mark feels full when Ten’s cock is only halfway, and he loses all the strength of his arms and his elbows tremble until they give up.
He plants his face on the sheets, moaning against the mattress.
“Shit.” Ten’s breathing hitches, and his hips stutter for a second, as though he couldn’t take it either. “You’re so sensitive.”
That’s a mild way to describe it. Ten fucks into him as deep as he can, and Mark is sure that he’s going to shatter in two, his whole body burning. His imagination could have never compared to reality. And Mark realizes right then that perhaps fucking Ten was amazing, but getting fucked – getting fucked is incomparable.
Ten doesn’t prop him back up, allows him to bite the sheets while he thrusts into the heat. Mark can barely move, can just take what Ten gives him, which is much more than he hoped for, and though he adjusts to Ten’s length, he still clenches around his dick every time he brushes deep enough.
Ten is good at moving his hips, is good at hitting angles and reading how Mark likes it. Mark likes everything, but loves when Ten’s hips clash against his ass and he stays there for a second, bottoming out, squeezed by the sensation of Mark’s tightness, before sliding backwards.
And then Ten bends over him, kisses behind his ear, and whispers, “Feeling well, little one?”
Mark hasn’t moaned this loud in his whole life. Perhaps because of that, his knees finally abandon him and he falls against the bed. Instead of helping Mark up, Ten pins him against the bed, hands at both sides of Mark’s head, and thrusts inside him without the need to guide his dick with his hands.
“F-fuck,” Mark cries out, taken aback by how he takes Ten whole in one stroke.
Ten’s mouth is on the back of his neck now, peppering kisses, so Mark can hear him clearly say, “You’re so ready now, baby.” Ten pants, halting for a second. “Lift your ass a bit for me.”
Mark can do that, because he doesn’t have to stand on his knees again. It feels more obscene than being on four, somehow, because Mark is rising only his ass to get fucked better. And Ten groans when he realizes how fast he has obeyed, but he doesn’t lose his cool.
Ten moves better in this position, with long, firm strokes that press perfectly against Mark’s most sensitive spot. He also reaches deeper, and Mark finds himself biting the pillow until Ten grabs his hair and tugs him away from the pillow. “Wanna hear you,” he says.
It’s not like Mark cares anymore. He knows he’s loud, but he can barely hear himself when pleasure invades him, when the tension builds up and Ten stops for a moment, just to let Mark calm down. Mark doesn’t want to calm down: he wants to come, reach a point in which Ten pulls out and Mark comes anyway, but Ten has him under his control.
So Mark moans, moans until his throat is raspy and he chokes on air, and Ten fucks him faster every time, driven by Mark’s pleasure. He loses the rhythm when Mark begins to chant his name, the sound of flesh against flesh becomes louder, and Mark realizes that Ten isn’t stopping this time. He’s cursing, calling him pretty again, but Mark’s hearing is fuzzy and can’t make out all the words.
That’s it, until Ten slaps his ass so hard that he draws him back to reality, and then orders, “Come.”
It’s all the way up, and Mark explodes, coming with his dick untouched and rutting against the mattress and Ten’s dick at the same time. His whole body pulses, unable to come down from his high and, desperate, Mark keeps rubbing himself against the sheets.
“Fuck,” Ten groans, but he sounds terribly strained. “You look so damn good.”
Mark is too fucked out to notice that Ten is coming, but he feels that Ten pulls out and comes all over his ass and back. Mark stays put for him, bathing in the noises Ten makes because of him, all for him, and feels proud when Ten falls on the bed with a loud thud.
None of them talk for a while, too focused on recovering their oxygen. Mark is extremely tired out of the blue, can’t feel half of his body and the other half is burning, and as his breathing stabilizes, he starts drifting off to sleep.
Perhaps he falls asleep, because when he opens his eyes again, Ten is hovering over him and cleaning him up. His hair is wet, he has put clean clothes on, and he’s wearing the most caring expression Mark has ever seen on him. Upon catching Mark awake, he bends down and leaves a kiss on his mouth, which Mark can only respond with a contented sigh.
“Keep sleeping,” Ten whispers against his mouth. “Just let me remove these sheets.”
Mark rolls over to make it easier for Ten, distractedly follows his orders as Ten cleans him, eyes closed, and nearly falls asleep again in the process. From time to time Ten snickers, but instead of being ashamed Mark is merely amused.
A kiss on the bruise of his neck is what wakes him up completely, but it’s just Ten playing with him, gazing at him with a diverted glint in his eyes.
“I’m so fucking happy you’re gay,” Ten says, his lazy smile broadening, and Mark smiles back at him.
Mark is happier.