Lipstick and powder, rouge and mascara. These were the things that set Lili Elbe's heart aflutter, however, she found it difficult to be content with herself when Gerda was suffering. She knew that she was always a woman, she realized that she had been lying to herself her whole life. Now that she was able to get ahold of her true self, she still felt a sense of unhappiness. Was she being selfish? Should she go back to her once miserable life of being a man just to make her wife feel as though she is isn't all alone in the world? Lili had trouble coming to a conclusion.
There she sat, in their bedroom, the bedroom of Einar and Gerda however, staring into the mirror. She loved and hated herself. Lili really did think she was beautiful (at times) but she also hated the fact that her happiness left the ones she loved in the dust. She could tell that Gerda was struggling to accept the fact that she was a woman now and she had a new life to explore but Lili could also tell that Gerda was still in fact very much in love with her, with Einar to be correct.
Lili knew that Gerda was in the kitchen, sitting at the table in silent sorrow, mourning over the man she lost. She truly felt bad for her dear wife, having to take all of this and putting on a mask to make everyone else think she was fine. They both heard the whispers, some people were just too hard to fool. Would you just look at that nancy, such a pity for the wife. They were once happy you know? I had them at a party once, Gerda and Einar were so good together, it's a shame that her husband is sick in the head now. Such a shame. Lili knew it was hard for her to take all of that in.
She loved Gerda so much because she knew that she could handle almost anything, she was a strong woman indeed and that's why she had loved her so dearly when they first met. That was also the reason why Lili felt a sense of jealousy towards Gerda, she didn't always have the type of strength her wife had and she knew that she couldn't always take things as well as her.
Lili began to take off her makeup. The once beautiful colors that blended together so well made a ugly smear on the napkin that made Lili's heart hurt. She knew that she didn't want to do this. She knew it but she had to anyway. Lili loved her wife so dearly and she hated to see her so hurt by society, she was being selfish. So disgustingly selfish. Why was she like this?
Lili took off her dress and heels and slipped on a comfortable shirt and a pair of trousers. She hated the way she left Gerda alone, refusing to comfort her during her time of sadness. She had always helped him whenever he felt as though he couldn't go on anymore. He could be as strong as her, he could be the loving husband that she had been wishing for so dearly lately. Lili was being selfish.
Lili took off the wig and fixed her hair. He should have never loved another man, she knew that Gerda felt so betrayed. Why was she like this? Why was he like this? Something was going to be done.
Einar looked at his reflection in the mirror and made an attempt to fix his hair once more. He was going to be there for Gerda. He stepped out of the room and walked to the kitchen where Gerda sat looking as melancholic as ever. He cursed himself for making her suffer this way. Einar sat down across the table and put his hand on hers. She didn't move away thankfully. When their eyes met, Einar smiled at her even though he himself was hurting on the inside.
"Hey beautiful," he said and she smiled.