Actions

Work Header

The Brittany Pierce Birthday Party Train Wreck Extravaganza

Chapter Text

Sunday Morning. 4am.

''This is how we're going to die,'' Sugar whimpered through a shiver.

''We are not going to die,'' said Tina.

''This is all your fault, Santana!'' Quinn accused.

Santana scoffed in response. ''How is this my fault?''

''You slapped our only cell phone out of my hand!'' Quinn reminded her of how Santana had basically drowned their one and only lifeline to civilization.

''Only because you were freaking out and about to totally capsize us, Quinn!'' Brittany defended her wife. ''She was trying to settle you down!''

Nearby Mercedes sighed inwardly to herself. ''This is the last time I participate in any sort of White Nonsense with you guys, I swear.''

''I'm not white!'' Tina shouted.

''And neither am I,'' added Santana.

''Well whatever!'' Mercedes hollered in frustration. ''The next time any of you want to go on some ridiculous adventure you can count me out!''

It was pitch black and Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Mercedes, Sugar and Tina were helplessly floating on a beach. The only thing keeping them above water was their raft which was really more like a huge ass party float. Or to be more precise a giant six person, ten foot long party float in the shape of a giant rainbow unicorn complete with huge colorful wings.

They had entered the waters the previous afternoon and had done a fair amount of goofing and drinking while floating around. Somehow without any of them really noticing their unicorn float had drifted further and further away from the shore and into a thick patch of seaweed. So thick and so heavy was it that they found it was virtually impossible to wade through with their flimsy float paddle. They were completely surrounded by the stuff on every side of them and had been in the water floating for over twelve hours. Luckily the seaweeds were so dense it was keeping them in place and stopping their float from completely going adrift. They could still in the distance see land, they just had no way to get back to it.

It was just them, the waters and their unicorn.

It was...

A long story...

X

Flashback.

Friday Morning. 9am.

''Tada,'' Santana sang smoothly as she came up to hug her wife from behind.

''What is this place?'' Brittany asked.

Brittany marvelled at the gorgeous open spaced beachfront property that they stood within. It was ultra modern with sleek hardwood floors and a water view on each side. The furniture was beautiful and minimal, the accents were sharp and complementary. It was a very mature and elegant space.

''It's ours,'' Santana answered, her hands were still wrapped around Brittany's waist. ''I rented it for you, for us.''

''You what? Santana,'' Brittany said, still marvelling at the sophisticated home. ''This is crazy. This looks like one of the Real Housewives sets or like a place out of a really fancy porno. Why?''

''Why? It's your 25th birthday, Britt. You think I was going to let your day fly by without going all out?''

Brittany turned her head a few inches and gave her a thankful, happy peck on the lips. ''You did this for me?''

''Of course I did.'' Santana spun Brittany around a tad so they could be face to face. ''Just wait until you see the bedroom or the rooftop terrace or the jacuzzi.''

Brittany let out tiny happy squeaks of delight which made Santana beam with pride.

After all she never did anything in half steps, it was either awesome or nothing at all and for Brittany's 25th birthday Santana thought there was no better time to go awesome.

Santana had wanted to make it special for her wife and after knocking around a few ideas decided that perhaps getting out of the city would do them a little good.

New York City was wonderful and they had both found their stability and eventual professional success there but there were times where it felt like it was hard to catch their breath. Sure they were more comfortable than most tucked away in their own spacious apartment in lower Manhattan but Santana knew that sometimes Brittany longed for quiet and calm. And so Santana decided to give her wife just that for her birthday.

She spent weeks planning and arranging everything. Money was no object of course with a successful album under belt, not to mention the lucrative solo tour, so she allowed herself to splurge a little. Brittany herself was doing more than well too, having decided to take a step back from professional dancing to focus on choreographing for other high profile musical acts. They had both busted their asses to finally make a name for themselves and establish careers in their respective fields, Santana figured they deserved a nice relaxing break from the city.

Santana had made the appropriate calls and viewed a few locations before settling on one. In the end she chose the most lavish, most loud, most extravagant piece of property available. She wanted Brittany to have the biggest, best birthday bash for her 25th. And judging by Brittany's gleeful kisses she had done good.

''So it's just me and you here?'' Brittany asked.

''For now. We have tonight and most of tomorrow for ourselves but I may have invited a few guests over to help us celebrate your birthday. They should be here by tomorrow afternoon.''

''Who?''

''You'll just have to wait and see,'' Santana replied cryptically with a devilish grin. ''I also might have a few more surprises in store for you. I hope you packed plenty of bikinis.''

Santana then took Brittany's hand and led her through the house, moving from room to room so Brittany could appreciate all of the features. They walked through the ultra sleek kitchen to the stylish dining area to the huge open sitting area. She didn't bother with the many guestrooms and bypassed them in favor of showing off the pristine master bath with the huge tub Santana was hoping they would be able to put to use. Finally they ended up in the master bedroom. The master bedroom was large and open with one full wall made of floor to ceiling glass. There was nothing but a thin, gauzy curtain separating them from the most perfect, most serene view of the water. Santana hit a button on a nearby panel and just like that, the curtain began to open for them until it was moved to the side entirely.

This was what she wanted to most give Brittany. This quiet, calm, peaceful view of the earth and birds and the waves crashing softly off in the distance. It was a far cry from their place in the city.

''I can't believe you did this,'' Brittany said. ''I can't believe you.''

''Yeah well.'' Santana shrugged and played it cool. ''I wanted to give you a birthday you'd never forget and now that I'm making a name for myself I'm in a position to do that...to do this.'' She made a wave to the ridiculously fabulous beach house. ''Besides you do things and make me feel special all the time. Just last week for instance.''

''You mean when I went down on you backstage at the Grammys after you won Best New Artist,'' Brittany recalled and laughed.

''Mmmmm yeah,'' Santana hummed pleasantly. ''I mean it totally would've been even better if fuckin' Taylor Swift didn't stumble onto us but ya know.''

''I still don't like the fact that she now knows what your 'o-face' looks like,'' Brittany lightheartedly grumbled and pulled Santana into her, snaking her arms around her neck.

''Whatever. TSwift aside it was a night I'll never forget and not because I won some award but because I got to win it with you at my side. And now I have a whole weekend where I can make it all about you. It's your birthday so we can do whatever you want to do. We can relax, go swimming, get our tan on, sit under the stars at night, pop a couple of bottles, get some cuddling in, all of that. No distractions, no work, no noise.''

''Whatever I want?''

''Whatever you want…'' Santana made a silly show of checking her rose gold watch. ''Startingggggg now.''

Brittany's eyes lit up with mischief. ''In that case what I want is for you…''

''Yes?''

''To get naked.''

Santana raised a single brow. ''Oh really now?''

''Mmmhm.''

''I mean if it's your b day wish I guess I have to huh?''

Santana made a funny face as if Brittany really had to twist her arm when in actuality she was more than happy that Brittany's first birthday wish involved orgasms. That was definitely a birthday wish she was ready and willing to fulfill for her wife.

She started unbuttoning her jeans, shimmying them down her hips and stepping out of them and then moved to work on her blouse. She made a little bit of a show of it, popping each button open with an agonizing slowness until she rolled it off of her shoulders completely. Santana then lowered one of her hands to trace her fingertips down the tiny indentations of her own abs until they stopped to stroke the top hem of her panties. She let her fingers dance along the area just to torture Brittany who was watching with fascination.

''I hope I'm not the only one who's going to be naked here,'' Santana said as she finally decided to show a little mercy to her partner and take her panties off. She then went and plopped herself down onto the nearby bed. It was made up of crisp, fresh linens for their stay. She laid herself back, propping herself up slightly with her elbows and bent one of her knees up fully aware of what kind of view she was giving Brittany. She looked at her wife expectantly. ''Come on, get to it, let me see you in your birthday suit.''

It took Brittany a few seconds to shake herself alert but she did. She started immediately stripping although her method was quicker and less graceful than Santana's as Brittany yanked and threw her clothing off with little finesse. Brittany almost tripped over her own panties she was so eager to join Santana. She crawled on top of the mattress and made to blanket Santana's body with her own, their limbs mingled and moved against each other as they got comfortable.

''This is going to be the best birthday ever,'' Brittany declared as she leaned down for a kiss.

They spent the next hour making good use of the bed, twisting and turning within the sheets, admiring each other under the natural light streaming in from the view behind them. Skin met skin again and again as they moved together in slow degrees.

It was the perfect way to begin their weekend, Santana thought afterwards as she caught her breath and Brittany snuggled into her side.

After she gave Brittany a couple of very special birthday orgasms and that quick cuddle they took a long hot steamy shower to get cleaned up for dinner which arrived a short while later thanks to Santana's personal assistant who dropped it off and quickly disappeared. Along with their prepared dinner Santana had arranged for her employee to deliver several grocery bags full of food, supplies and liquor that would last them the next few days.

Clad in a short black silk robe Santana was setting the dinner table and carefully placing their food out onto plates when Brittany came scrambling down from the upper level of the property. She too was donning a robe although hers was lighter in color and splayed open to reveal her body clothed simply in bra and panties.

''After dinner can we go up on the terrace?'' she asked giddily.

''Of course.''

''And drink in front of the fancy fire pit?''

''Absolutely.''

''Also I want you to do me on a chaise.''

''Done,'' Santana said, more than happy to agree. ''Now come on, dinner is served.''

She made an elaborate wave to the table. Everything was perfectly placed and laid out, drinks were served, candles were lit. It was ridiculously romantic.

And so they sat and drank and laughed between mouthfuls with each other. There was no audience, no prying paparazzi, no work calls, no publicists or managers or assistants, no noise, no chaos, just each other. When they finished Santana insisted that Brittany sit and relax and finish off her drink while she cleared everything away.

She had tossed the scraps of food away and just set the dishes in the sink when she heard her phone begin to buzz on top of the kitchen island. Work calls were definitely off limits but when she saw the name on her screen she answered immediately.

''What up whore?'' she said in greeting.

''...sometimes I wonder why Brittany finds you so charming,'' Quinn said on the other end of the line.

''Uh because I am.''

''Whatever, I just wanted to call to let you know everything's going fine and me and the girls will all be there by noon tomorrow.''

Santana took a peek at Brittany on the other side of the house and began to speak in a hushed tone. ''Great. And you got it, right?''

''Huh?''

''You know, ittttt,'' Santana stressed in a whisper. ''The thing.''

''The thing?''

''Yes the thing, the thing I had shipped to you because I was afraid Brittany would find it and my surprise would be ruined. You got it right?''

''Oh that? Yeah we got it.''

''And the pump? Don't forget the pump.''

''Will you relax? I have it taken care of. The thing will be there tomorrow, along with me, Mercedes, Tina and Sugar, stop worrying.''

Santana exhaled and seemed to breathe easier. ''I just want to make sure you have it. Brittany's going to flip out when she sees it. It's such a Brittany thing, she's gonna love it.''

''Yeah,'' Quinn softened. ''She will….well, I'll let you get back to your wife I just wanted to give you a heads up. Do you need us to bring anything for tomorrow? Groceries, drinks, anything?''

''What, no, I have everything taken care of. I got the kitchen stocked up enough for all of us, I got plenty of liquor, food and supplies. You just bring yourself and the girls and Brittany's surprise.''

''Okay then, will do.''

''Later ho.''

''Bye Santana.''

She ended the call with a grin and started to turn herself around to head back to the dining area when out of nowhere Brittany popped up in her line of vision.

''Dah!'' Santana yelped, dropping her phone to the hardwood floors.

''What's taking you so long?''

''Uhhh,'' Santana desperately tried to think of something to stall but came up blank.

Brittany went down to retrieve her cell and hand it back to her. ''You weren't making a work call were you?''

''What? Of course I wasn't. I told you, this weekend is all about you. I was just making sure a couple of your special birthday surprises were still a go that's all.''

''Really?''

''Really,'' Santana insisted. She tossed her phone onto the nearby kitchen island and then took both of Brittany's hands and started to lead her off. ''Now if I recall correctly someone requested I do her on a chaise on the roof.''

In the end what was meant to be a fun quickie ended up becoming so much more. The place was too beautiful to waste with a quick fumble and so they decided to take it all in and enjoy the romantic scene on the provided backless outdoor sofa on the rooftop terrace. They made love with the stars above them and the sound of the waves behind them and the crackling of the fire just a few feet away. They laid there afterwards staring up at the sky. Santana had pulled a nearby blanket over them when it began to get chilly.

''Thank you,'' Brittany said drowsily.

''Mmm. For the blanket?''

''Yeah for that but also for all of this, for sweeping me off my feet and giving me a really ridiculously romantic birthday.'' She stroked up and down Santana's side, her fingers dancing lazily over tan skin in a way that still made Santana shiver. ''But most of all thank you for being the most amazing wife anyone could ask for.''

Santana thanked her back with a sleepy kiss.

''Sometimes I still can't believe I'm the one who gets to have you like this, all to myself,'' Brittany said, her fingertips still tracing over Santana, soothing her to sleep. ''Everyone thinks that you're the lucky one but to me it's always been the other way around. I'm the lucky one. It's not even about what you can buy or any of the important people you work with and know, I was lucky before all of those things. Even if they went away I'd still think I was lucky. You love me with everything you are, whether we're living in a shoe box or a mansion, or waiting tables or winning Grammys. I'm the lucky one.''

''If you ask me I think we're both lucky.''

They dozed for a bit on the romantic setting before dragging themselves back inside where they found their way to the bedroom and climbed under the sheets to curl into each other. It was there wrapped up in each other that they let slumber overtake them.

X

Saturday Morning. 9am.

Santana woke up to the smell of breakfast. Her grumbling stomach made her stumble out of bed and head for the kitchen in search of food and Brittany who was missing from the room.

It was there at the kitchen island Brittany stood, once again in her underwear and open robe, this time however she was surrounded by food products. She had apparently woken up and gotten into their food supply in the hopes of making breakfast. Brittany hadn't exactly been much of a cook in the old days back in high school but she had since gotten a better grasp of meal preparation since. She was no master chef but she knew her way around pretty well and was in fact far more advanced than Santana was.

''Oh, you weren't supposed to wake up,'' Brittany playfully grumbled when Santana went to join her at the island where she was preparing things. ''I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed.''

''Surprise me? It's your birthday.''

''I know but you've been spoiling me so much already and we've only been here one day. I wanted to thank you.''

Santana moved behind Brittany and began kissing against her neck and behind her ear. ''I can think of some other ways you can thank me.''

''You haven't had enough already?''

''I'll never have enough,'' Santana said as she slipped her hands around and slowly peeled off Brittany's robe.

From behind Santana hummed at the sight of her in her bra and teeny tiny panties. Brittany moaned her approval and pushed herself back against Santana, silently offering herself up to her. And then it was a blur of hands roaming and hips moving and toast, jam and bacon falling to the floor, they moved together in a hot but sloppy scramble to get off. It wasn't soft or slow or even romantic, it was rushed and needy. It was a sort of primal chaos that led to Santana basically humping Brittany's ass as one of her hands worked hard and enthusiastically inside of Brittany's panties.

''Aw jesus gross!'' someone shouted causing them both to go statue still.

It was then that Santana realized that in the heat of the moment they hadn't heard their visitors arrive. They turned to the side of the house which was floor to ceiling glass and there on the other side of a tall sliding door stood Quinn Fabray, Mercedes Jones, Tina Cohen Chang and Sugar Motta. All of them were frozen in shock or possibly horror.

''Can I Instagram Live this?'' Sugar was the one to eventually break the ice as she spoke through the glass.

Brittany and Santana quickly extracted themselves from their heated embrace and were quick to cover themselves up, tying up their robes and smoothing their hair down to look more presentable. Brittany then hurried off to turn the lock and let them inside.

''What the hell are y'all doing here?'' Santana asked the group of women. ''You weren't supposed to be here for hours.''

''We made good time on the road,'' Quinn stated defensively. ''What? How were we to know we'd walk in on you and Brittany mid-bang?''

''It's me and Brittany, do you even know us?'' Santana asked. ''You didn't think to knock on the door?''

''Uh we did and we got no answer,'' said Mercedes.

Santana rolled her eyes dramatically. ''So naturally you all decided to be pervs and watch us through the sliding door?''

''We only came around to the sliding door because we thought it might be open,'' said Tina.

''Wait, what's going on?'' Brittany held up her hands and looked between her friends and her wife.

''It was supposed to be a surprise,'' Santana began to explain to the birthday girl. ''I even had a super elaborate way of revealing them all worked out in my head but tada.''

''Tada?'' Brittany squinted.

''Yeah tada,'' Santana continued looking all proud. ''You're always talking about how much you miss the glee club and being together like the old days so I thought in honor of your birthday I could reunite the members. Or like the less annoying members anyway. Basically just the glee girls.''

''Where's Rachel?'' Mercedes asked as she turned in place, taking in the house as a whole.

''Well, the glee girls sans Rachel,'' Santana elaborated.

Quinn, Mercedes and Tina gave her matching stern, disapproving looks.

''Hey I'm sparing you guys okay,'' Santana reasoned. ''This is Brittany's beach birthday bash which means we're all going to be drinking, partying and swimming. If I would've invited her out here we would've all had to have seen her do drunk karaoke in a bikini, excuse me for thinking about your emotional and mental health.''

''Whatever,'' Tina said with a shake of her head and a little jig. ''Where's the bathroom I have to pee? I've been holding it for an hour in the car.''

''And the guestrooms so I can freshen up?'' Mercedes requested.

''And the nearest hospital so I can get my eyes professionally flushed out?'' asked Quinn.

Brittany and Santana pointed them off in the appropriate directions with Tina making for the nearest bathroom and Mercedes and Quinn taking everyone's bags to the guest quarters. This of course left Sugar who had made herself comfortable in the sitting area, lounging about on the large main sofa and busying herself with her phone.

''You invited them out here for my birthday?'' Brittany asked Santana.

''Well yeah.'' Santana shrugged.

''Why? I mean if this was your birthday weekend you wouldn't care about getting the gang together.''

''I know, that's the point though it's not my birthday weekend it's yours and I know you would enjoy this. Every time we read an article or see something on the news about one of the girls you always get that cute longing look in your eyes. With the way things are, it's not exactly easy for us to get together anymore. Either someone's recording an album or shooting a movie or flying off for an event or...being Sugar nowadays. I know how much you miss them sometimes and so I made some calls and talked them all into clearing their schedules for the weekend so we could celebrate your birthday together.''

Brittany looked like she was going to melt as she pulled Santana close to her. ''You are too sweet. Thank you.''

''This isn't even the best part of your birthday surprise.''

''There's more?''

''You have no idea.''

It was true, Santana had arranged for their old friends to join them because she knew it would please Brittany to see the girls but there was a small part of herself that perhaps did do it because she too missed them in her own way.

Mercedes of course was off being her superstar self. Her life had turned into a whirlwind after opening for Beyonce. There were albums and tours and promotional appearances. Critics loved her and often touted her as being ''the princess of soul'', the performer the world had been waiting for, the rightful heir to the throne after the queen of soul, Aretha. She had also found a way to parlay her singing career into other things, occasionally appearing as a model for print ads and stamping her name on a signature fragrance or make up product. She had in essence become America's Sweetheart.

Tina, meanwhile, had somehow found herself becoming a sort of indie romcom queen. Thanks to Artie's little movie turning into some sleeper smash hit a few years back, Tina was in hot demand to play kooky-sweet leads. She was quick to capitalize on it. She wanted to make a name for herself and clear a few checks before the world got sick of her like they did Jennifer Lawrence she often said. Because of this Tina had somehow managed to film three features in the span of a year which of course didn't leave her a lot of down time since she was always on location.

Quinn, well Quinn was doing the actress thing too although her movies were vastly different from Tina's. Quinn had a certain pedigree if you will having studied drama at Yale. Tina's flicks were often quirky and cute and whimsically entertaining while Quinn always opted for more intense cerebral films where her character was always running around looking confused and/or scared. She had done a few stuffy period pieces as well. None of them were really Santana's cup of tea because she often found them so insufferably pretentious although she did quite enjoy Quinn's latest movie. It was some weird art house film revolving around a torrid lesbian love affair. Yeah Santana had stuffed her face full of popcorn and went to watch that on opening day. She may have even shouted ''get some Quinn!'' at the screen during the love scene.

As for Sugar, well. She was Sugar. Sugar Motta didn't exactly have a very traditional career and yet oddly enough she was quickly becoming a household name. Sugar wasn't much of a singer or an actress or any kind of performer for that matter, but she did have a lot of friends who were. She was still really tight with everyone from the old glee club days and thus, she always got invites to premieres and parties and various events. In the beginning no one really knew who she was when she showed up on the red carpet but after awhile fans took notice. Not only did they take notice they started following her on social media. Super fans of Tina's or Brittany's or Mercedes' would occasionally spot Sugar in an Instagram or Snapchat with one of them and because of her friendship she would just get random follows for those who happened to be super obsessed. Because if Sugar was close friends with their idol they wanted to follow Sugar too for any chance sighting of their favorite celeb.

Soon Sugar found herself with close to a million followers and since she finally had an audience she decided to try to entertain them. Naturally she became a YouTube sensation with her over the top personality. Soon she was dominating the landscape, posting vids about her weekly trips to Taco Bell, her intense and massive collection of Back To The Future memorabilia, making collabs with that unfunny doily Shane Dawson, getting into Twitter beefs with Jeffree Star, doing makeover videos with her favorite drag queens. Media outlets would occasionally hire her to work as a zanny red carpet commentator for the Teen Choice Awards or the VMAs or some such. She had become a legit internet and television personality. Her followers were no longer following her to get a glimpse of her famous friends, they were following Sugar for Sugar. Thanks to ads and various endorsements deals Sugar was making bank too.

Getting the girls to clear their schedules for a few days was no small feat and Santana was low key looking forward to getting her drink on and reminiscing (bitching) about the old glee days. Plus she also figured they all needed a mini vacation from all of their career obligations. They were all due for some fun.

Once everyone got settled in, Santana encouraged Brittany to give everyone a tour and Brittany was happy to oblige. She was completely in love with the place and eagerly showed the girls from room to room, feature to feature, the elaborate staircase, the rooftop terrace, the home theater, the balcony from the master bedroom, the hot tub and pool, the master bath where everyone marveled at the bidet. Eventually after a half hour of strolling around the property they all ended back inside in the living area.

Mercedes shoo'd Santana and Brittany upstairs to get dressed for the day and insisted she and the others could entertain themselves until the returned. When they did they were both pleasantly surprised to find Quinn had finished preparing breakfast and Sugar had fixed them all mimosas.

Instead of eating at the table they all opted to relax and scatter themselves across the living area on various chairs and couches. They all kicked off their shoes and let their hair down. It was a reprieve from the constant pressures each of them felt to be ON, to be proper, to be a performer in front of cameras or press.

''...it's not a done deal yet but I am excited about the preliminary talks I'm having. So, fingers crossed.'' Mercedes had just told them about one of the projects she and her people were in the process of nurturing to fruition.

''A day time talk show? That is insane,'' Tina marveled and stuffed a piece of french toast in her mouth as she began to speak. ''I don't know how you do it.''

''Do what?'' asked Mercedes.

''Have your fingers in so many different projects,'' Santana said. ''Music and touring and makeup and endorsements and now, what, a talk show?''

''Well it's not official yet. We're just in talks,'' Mercedes said, holding a halting hand up. ''But if it were to happen I would definitely have to temporarily but the music stuff on the back burner which I'm okay with. Music is always going to be there and it's always going to be a passion but I definitely want to explore other avenues of entertainment. My career is secure and stable enough where I can do that now and dabble. Who doesn't want to be the next Oprah?''

''I call first dibs!'' Tina shouted. ''I totally call being your first guest.''

''Yeah no Chang,'' Santana shushed her friend. ''I'm gonna be the first guest. Right Mercedes?''

''Yeaaaah about that.'' Mercedes wrinkled her face up almost apologetically. ''I made some calls and if this thing does end up happening I kind of already locked in another friend as my first guest.''

''It better not be Quinn,'' Santana said, picking a piece of fruit up from her plate and hurling it across the room and onto Quinn's face. From her spot nearby Brittany reached over and ate said piece of fruit which had fallen into the cushions.

''It's Beyonce,'' Mercedes answered.

''You're forsaking me and Tina for Beyonce,'' Santana said with comical devastation. ''Tina I'd understand because I mean, it's Tina.''

''Shut up Santana,'' Tina huffed.

''But meeee?'' Santana resumed her dramatics. ''I'm wounded Jones, wounded.''

''Good for you Mercedes,'' Brittany cheered, shifting the focus back to her friend. ''If anyone can pull it off it's you. People would totally tune in to you every day.''

Mercedes waved her hands about as if it was no big feat, as if the project wasn't something to be proud of. ''What about you, Brittany?''

Brittany took a calm sip of her juice. ''What about me?''

''My assistant forwarded me an email yesterday. Something about you signing on for a permanent judges seat on Dancing With The Stars,'' said Mercedes.

''She's replacing that robot bitch Jullianne Hough,'' Santana exclaimed. She was on her fifth mimosa and feeling it.

''She's not a robot bitch,'' Brittany said of the former dancer and judge. ''But yes, she's moving on from the show and there was an empty seat they needed to fill before the new season. They were looking for someone young and hip and it was down to me and a couple of other people and, yeah. I signed the contract weeks ago. I'm pretty jazzed.''

Sugar clapped her hands like a baby seal. ''You know for past seasons they've actually tried to contact me about appearing as a star on Dancing With The Stars.''

''Why?'' Santana cracked up. ''You're barely a star.''

''Hey I have four million YouTube subscribers!'' Sugar shouted passionately. ''How dare you! I am an influencer!''

''What about you, Quinn,'' Brittany again moved the conversation along. ''What are you up to? You have anything in the pipeline you're excited about?''

''I do actually,'' Quinn said and inhaled a piece of bacon. ''I just finished a period drama, it's an HBO pilot about Victorian era prostitutes.''

''Oh I am gonna watch that so hard,'' Santana declared.

''So I'll hopefully hear good news about that in a few weeks if it gets picked up,'' continued Quinn he began to frown. ''But honestly I don't have a lot on my plate right now. The scripts that do come in don't really excite me, and the ones that excite me don't really go anywhere production wise. It's getting really frustrating.''

The girls collectively hummed in sympathy.

''Although I do have one very interesting offer that could be incredibly lucrative,'' Quinn said.

''Is it porn?'' Tina asked with a grimace.

''What? Ew! No!'' laughed Quinn. ''I would never. Okay what I'm about to say must never leave this room. It has to remain hush.''

''What?'' Mercedes asked.

''Now keep in mind I haven't agreed to this at all but…'' Quinn spoke quietly even though they were alone. ''My people were contacted by a very famous actor's team and it seems this well known name is looking for a girlfriend. Or actually someone to play his girlfriend.''

They looked between themselves as they all pieced together what Quinn was trying to communicate to them.

''You mean like a PR relationship kind of thing,'' Sugar said.

''Quinn, what the hell,'' Mercedes said, laughing in disbelief and even a bit of disappointment.

''Hey,'' Quinn said, ''I haven't agreed to it. My people just let me know that the offer was on the table. It's like a legit contract. I'd have to sign papers and everything. I would normally never consider it but I saw the number they were offering me to play along and it's not like I would even actually have to do anything with him than just pose on the read carpet and be seen going grocery shopping together.''

Santana made a stank face. ''This is soooo you. Out of all of us, you would be the one to do the PR thing and be someone's beard.''

''What the hell does that mean?''

''It means once again you're letting some dude define your existence,'' said Santana. ''It's gross.''

''I just said I haven't said yes to it,'' Quinn said standing up, gathering her plate as well as a few others and walking towards the kitchen island to set them down before returning to the sitting area. ''I just said it's on the table. What would be so wrong with taking it?''

''Nothing if that was your only option,'' said Mercedes. Her tone was of course more gentle and less accusing than Santana's. ''But I know for a fact it's not. Just last month you told me you turned down two big studio romcoms.''

''Yes I did and I turned them down because they're romcoms,'' explained Quinn.

''Whoa, what's wrong with romcoms?'' asked Tina. ''Those are fun, I love doing those.''

''Nothing, I just don't find them very intellectually challenging.''

Tina squinted, offended. ''Wow.''

''And I'm a serious trained actress,'' Quinn continued. ''I can't be expected to settle for those kinds of scripts. I don't think any of you guys understand how difficult the entertainment industry is for someone like me.''

''Oh my god this is so sad, Mercedes Jones, sing Despacito,'' Santana said with a straight face.

''Someone like you, Quinn? You mean a pretty blonde white girl?'' asked Tina.

Quinn chuckled awkward like. ''Why is everyone attacking me?''

''We're not attacking you,'' Brittany said, playing mediator. ''We just think you're being ridiculous. I think all of us can agree that you're more talented than that.''

''You know what,'' Sugar interjected and wiggled her way off the couch and over to the bar area in the corner of the room. She grabbed a couple of bottles and turned around with them at her hips. ''I think this conversation is in danger of getting super serial up in here so we should all relax. We didn't come here to argue or question anyone's mega weird life choices, we came here to hang and celebrate Brittany's b-day right? So let's do it. Let's put some music on, pop open some bottles and chillax.''

Santana stood up from her seat and gently pulled her wife up along with her. ''For once, I agree with Sugar. This is Brittany's weekend. We're here for her.''

Tina, Mercedes and Quinn rose as well and were soon handed fresh glasses of alcohol courtesy of Sugar. ''A toast,'' Sugar declared, holding her drink up. ''To the birthday girl.''

''To the birthday girl,'' they all repeated, clinking their glasses together.

''And to a weekend we'll never forget,'' Brittany added herself. ''Let's get this party started!''

And so, the festivities began...