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Mix Match

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Orc Groupie Fanfic


It seemed like she was staring at the damn phone for hours. Pissing off her roommate is what she was actually doing; with her nose constantly in her smartphone one moment giggling, and the next moment frowning.

Dee glanced back and forth at her, annoyed a bit more than usual until she couldn't take it anymore.

"What's so damn interesting on that phone when we both know you didn't get any texts or calls since you've been here?" She fired at her.

Leah sighed and narrowed her eyes at Dee. She was right, though. There were no texts, no missed calls, nothing on stupid social media.

What was I expecting? She thought to herself. I left everything and everyone behind when I moved here. Clean fucking slate. New life.
And what am I doing? Waiting for a miracle while wasting my time browsing 9Gag? That doesn't really qualify as having a life. God I need to move my ass, and soon, before Dee claws my eyes out.


Although it was hard to believe, Dee was on her best behavior since she had been staying with her, even though staring at the same person every single day could be a bit annoying. And super depressing.

Her mind was reaching boiling point every time she thought about getting her life back on track. Even though she needed another face in her life. Badly. A friend. Maybe more. No time to be overly picky. But finding someone half decent in this Zoo felt like mission impossible. "City of Angels my ass.” Barely few months in LA and she was already fed up.


"I know what you're thinking Dee" she sighed, and looked at her roommate. "I'll do something about my situation. I promise,"

"Too late. Give it here!" Dee shouted, and grabbed her phone. "Time for me to do my magic. WE need to get you laid,"

"C'mon Dee, again with this? Fucking? Is that all you think about for cryin' out loud?" she was getting annoyed.

"You won't find anything meaningful in this city anyway, you might as well get some decent action down there, Leah - and maybe you'll be less grumpy when you embrace all that this city has to offer."


Everything was fun and games for Dee. Cock, and more cock was on her mind, 24/7. Oh. That and designer clothes she could barely afford, - but that didn't stop her going to every single high end shop in Elf Town. When she was between boyfriends, she would abuse her credit cards, secretly wishing she would finally hit the mother-load with an Elvish boyfriend.

Like that would ever happen. Not even if she had a magic wand. No inter-species mixing what so ever was the Elvish policy - not that it ever stopped Dee from trying, though.

When it came to Dee, Leah was sure about 2 things: Dee will always be there for her & she will never change. So to avoid any unnecessary fights, Leah tried her best to accept Dee's "Gold digging" ways. Well, the politically correct term for a girl like Dee now was "Orc groupie" and L.A. was full of them.

She, however, was grateful for one thing. Dee never brought her orkish fuckboys back to the apartment to stay the night. Oh - and, since she was staying at her place for free ‘till her inheritance kicked in, she kept her head down and let her do things she normally wouldn't tolerate.

For instance: her phone.


"There it is!" Dee exclaimed, "Let's download this bad boy and get you laid sister,"

"Do I even want to know what kind of smut app you are polluting my phone with?" Leah asked with clear annoyance in her voice.

"MIX MATCH," Dee snorted. "All races dating app,”

"Why the hell would you set me up with an all races dating app?” she reached for her phone.

"It looks like you might need a change, considering how your last relationship ended. You know, the one that made you switch continents and land your ass here?! Besides, you need to get your ass off my couch, try something new - and for fucks sake stop being so grumpy all the time! Trust me when I say, “Good cock can make you sing, not just smile!" she laughed as her perfectly manicured claws clutched onto Lea phone like prey.

Leah stared at her as the corner of her lips turned into the most wicked smile she had ever seen Dee make, knowing she was up to something, smiling like she had tapped into secret knowledge no one knew about.

She had no other choice but to back down if she wanted her phone back in one piece. After all, she would just uninstall the app later and be done with it. End of story.

A few moments later the app was installed, and Dee started going through the picture folders trying to find the cutest possible image of Leah, which was a tough job to do, as the two of them couldn't be more different to begin with.

Leah, a metal-head, eternally grumpy and always in black. Dee - a perfect little Barbie with gazillion of duckface selfies and other nasty stuff she normally used to lure in the next victim, or for the lack of a better term, her next fuckboy.

"Do you even have a decent photo we can use where you don't look like you're trying to murder someone?" she rolled her eyes.

"I don't really do selfies, or snap-chats or other crap people are into today. Besides, I don't think I ever had a decent pic of me taken. See this face?" she pointed at the grumpy cat tank top she was wearing, "This cat is my soulmate. Eternally grumpy, just like me!"

At this point Leah was laughing to herself when she noticed Dee took a snap of her using her own phone.

"THERE, PERFECT!" she said with victory written all over her face, "You’re finally smiling, and I took it with the cat ears filter, which by the way looks great, and if you didn't have that stupidcat top, you'd totally look like a normal person!"

Leah face palmed. Scratch that. She double face palmed. “It's Grumpy Cat, not Stupid Cat” Leah pointed out, a bit insulted.

"No one cares, Leah," she snorted again.

"Here, Look!" she was shoving the phone into Leah's face. "See how cute you look? I'm pretty sure you'll get lots of matches and you'll turn that frown into a smile in no time. You are good to go sista." Dee chuckled. "Aaaand done!"






Fuck me, was the first thought that came to Leah's mind when she saw her profile. Truthfully, the pic was cute, even for her grumpy standards, but Dear God, she's really gonna make me do this, isn't she? Leah thought. Fuck. Fuck, fuuuuuck. She fucking hated dating apps, of any kind.

Just pretend you're OK with it, Leah, she tried to calm herself, you're gonna uninstall the damn thing as as soon as she leaves. Just breathe. Pretend you're not as irritated. Pretending is the key. Breatheeee.

"What?" Dee asked, looking at Leah while her face changed from grumpy, to less grumpy.

"You're up to something, I can tell. Your face - will you stop looking at me like that? What are you up to, woman? Are you going to kill me in my sleep coz I made you do this?" she smiled worriedly.

"That depends," Leah sighed with a straight face. "You have to actually spend one night here for me to do that," she started smiling too.

"But I have other ideas, let's say.... If this turns out to be a waste of time, I'm gonna dye all your clothes black,"

Dee sighed, unimpressed. She knew Leah well. "You wouldn't dare," she whispered with a chuckle still present in her voice.

Yeah. Dee was right. As different as they were, they were still best friends; well Leah's only friend at the moment, to tell the truth, and she couldn't do that to her or there would be hell to pay. Those nails of hers were weapons.




A moment of silence turned into excitement when Dee's new fuckboy rang the doorbell. She was ready to spend yet another night outside with her new orkish boo, leaving Leah alone. But she didn't mind. She liked her alone time, and Dee snored like a passing train, so she welcomed the nights she was gone.

"Hey, hey! So how does this damn thing work?" Leah shouted as Dee rose fast as lightning, excited to answer the door.

"It’s basically same as Tinder, nothing to it," she started explaining as she gathered her things and headed for the door. "Look at your match suggestions and swipe left if you don't like, and right if you do. If they swipe right on your profile, it will show up as match! And uh, word of advice - if you get matched with an orkish guy, send a message first. They aren’t allowed to make any advances at human females without their permission. Even in the dating app,"

"Really?" Leah was puzzled, "Why?"

"I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, including why you should only date orkish guys too," she burst out laughing as she opened the door. "Get some matches to start with; I'll teach you tricks of the trade tomorrow!"

God that sounded wrong, On so many levels, even when it came from her. Dee wasn't a gold digger, per se, but she liked to ‘date’ orkish guys the most. Rich orkish guys, to be exact.

When the door opened Leah could swear that was the biggest orc dude she’d ever seen in person, and for a moment, she was concerned for her 5 foot tall friend. He hoisted her up into his arms like she weighted nothing and gave her a kiss.

"Be careful and have fun!" she shouted back as Dee was closing the door. Not that Dee ever took anyone's advice...




She was back at staring at her phone again. Hmmm… Why the hell not? She thought as the app started displaying not so ugly male matches. I do hope these are real, I would hate to be cat fished on this stupid thing.

"OK! I need less light and more music for this.” She smiled again. “Let's have a looksie on what LA has to offer.”




As the music started to play, she threw herself on the couch, smiling and swiping.