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Mental Health Check

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You were still in there, the blinds were drawn and the door to Liv’s office was shut which meant whatever you and Liv were discussing was clearly confidential. Mike had been with SVU for over a month now and he had tried his best to keep out of your way but it was tough, the two of you hadn’t ended on the best of terms. He’d lost track of you over the past two years, he hadn’t known that you had transferred from Vice to SVU, if he had he would have thought twice about joining the unit.

Keeping things separate was the way the two of you worked best, you had both learned the hard way that sleeping together came with an emotional cost. One that you hadn’t been willing to pay so Mike had called time on your relationship.

It wasn’t until he stepped into the bullpen on his first day that he realised what a mistake he had made. You had been standing there, leaning against your desk, head buried in a manila file when he stepped off the elevator. His breath had caught in his throat as he drank you in. You didn’t look much different. Your hair was an inch or two shorter, reminding him of what it felt like to run his fingers through those silky strands as you pressed your pert peach lips to his. Your eyes had flickered up briefly, looking at him under long dark lashes and he remembered entire nights that he had spent gazing into those stunning eyes of yours as the two of you made love in his bed.

Made love… He hadn’t used that phrase before you and he certainly hadn’t used it after.

It had been a moment of weakness that had led him to text you a couple of days ago. Usually the exchange of messages were short, you both delivered the facts and only the facts. However he had been weak, the aftermath of the Lily Evans case had hit him a sledge hammer in the chest. That guilt, it had come crashing down on him and after a couple of drinks in O’Malley’s, his phone had been in his hand typing out that text message.

He hadn’t expected you to turn up but he was glad when you stepped through the door, your  eyes scanning the crowd for any sign of him. He saw you sigh when you took in his inebriated state. He felt like he had disappointed you in some way. He recalled you weren’t supposed to see him like this, that the comradely the two of you had once shared was over. Still you cared enough to get him home that night, you had helped him to remove his shoes and shirt, set his alarm clock and made sure there was a glass of water on the nightstand in case he needed it.

All of that showed you still felt something didn’t it?

When you stepped out of Liv’s office you looked exhausted, Mike didn’t think he had ever seen you look as tired as you did now. Over the past few days he had noticed those dark circles underneath those usually bright eyes of yours. He wondered if you had been sleeping lately, if the horrors that you were regularly subjected to were haunting your dreams the same way they had when you had worked undercover in Vice. He felt the concern ripple in his chest, he remembered how bad those nightmares were, how sometimes he would find you sitting on the fire escape watching the world go by because you hadn’t wanted to wake him. You had become so closed off that you had barely spoke to him in the end, it crippled him to break it off with you but he understood that was what you needed. He had become a crutch for you to lean on and he thought by stepping back, you may finally get the help that he was so unequipped to provide.

You were heading towards your desk when he appeared alongside of you, falling into step like it was the most natural thing in the world. With Mike, you supposed it was, everything came easy when you were with him, you could be yourself and that was the danger. You feared that if you actually stopped and talked to him that the truth would all come spilling out. You were scared you would reveal how after he had left you had taken mental health leave, seen a counselor to help you deal with the aftermath of what had happened to you undercover. You were afraid to tell him that despite the fact it had been two years, the feelings that you had for him were still as tangible as the day the two of you had met.

Maybe even more so, now that the two of you worked together in SVU.

“Let me buy you a coffee.” he offered, those vibrant green eyes of his fixating on yours as that boyish smile tugged at his lips. You had forgotten how much you loved that smile, how it still warmed something deep down inside. “I’ll even shell out for one of those pumpkin spice things you love so much.”

You could already feel yourself relenting, the fact he remembered that about you spoke volumes and you considered the possibility that maybe it was time to get some of the things you had been thinking and feeling off of your chest.

“Ok.” you agreed, shoving your hands into the pockets of your fitted blazer. “Let’s go get coffee.”