WARNING: sadness and bad thoughts are in here if you do not want to read anything with foul language, etc. please don't read, especially if you are a minor or sensitive.
I woke up early in the morning and looked at the side of my bed, it was empty like it has been for the past few days, I sighed as I got up and I got dressed in a nice pair of clothes, black dress pants, white long-sleeved dress shirt, black tie, black jacket and black shoes, I looked in the mirror and saw the bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep, the nightmares have been getting to me and sometimes I'm afraid to even go to sleep, seeing those eyes in my sleep.
"Bella sweetie?" I heard and looked at my door to see my mom and dad looking at me, they were also dressed up in black and I looked back in the mirror as my mom came up and fixed my tie, I was taller then my mom her being five foot five and me being six foot two, I looked down at her and she sighed.
"Do you really want to go Bella?" she asked and I nodded.
"Why wouldn't I?" I asked and she looked at my dad then at me.
"We're just worried is all." she said and I nodded.
"I'll be fine ma." I said and I left my room and headed to my car, I had passed my truck and glared at it.
"Protective my ass." I said then got in the car and drove to the church and I saw other people there, as I parked my car and turned the engine off I took some time to lay my head back and think for a bit.
'You know you shouldn't be here.' I thought as I looked at people entering the building and I looked at the cemetery in front of me and I gripped the steering wheel hard enough for my knuckles to turn white and I stopped then got out of the car and grabbed the roses I bought yesterday.
"Well if it isn't Bella." I heard as I walked up to the church and I looked up to see Alice's older sister Rose.
"You shouldn't be here." I heard and looked at Edward.
"You know if you weren't Alice's family I'd beat the fuck out of you right now." I growled and they glared at me.
"You should have died not them freak." Edward said and I growled at him.
"Here's a little tip Edward, if you went into my brain right now and poked around you'd be going mad right now with all the shit I've been thinking, now if you please shut the fuck up or get." I growled and I saw Esme and Carlisle come by.
"Bella." Esme said and she hugged me and I stiffened up and she pulled away.
"Sorry." She said and I nodded.
"It's fine ma'am." I said and I shook Carlisle's hand.
"Sorry to bother you guys but we'll be starting in ten minutes." The priest said and I nodded then I headed away from the church and I grabbed my cigarettes and lit one up and inhaled the nicotine stick.
"Sorry...couldn't quit even for this day." I said to myself.
'Talking to yourself now, how far have you gone?' I thought and I shook my head and looked at my watch, I had five minutes left before I had to go in so I decided to smoke another cigarette and I looked at the sky to see that the clouds were darker then they usually are in Forks.
"Fits today so well hu?" I asked myself and chuckled a bit and put the cigarette out and went into the church and saw the two coffins at the end of the walkway.
'Strange how you can get married up there and then when death takes you away you're back up there again.' I thought and I sat in the very front, sadly I was alone up front, it was a deal me and Alice had made, only me or her with any kids will sit up front, only our family and no one else.
"Welcome everyone to this ceremony, today we honor the once lively, Mary Alice Brandon Swan, and her daughter Renesme Marie Swan, they lost their lives in a terrible way, they were far to young to go but as we all know their time was up at some point." The priest said and I gripped my legs and looked at the coffins not caring what he was saying, a big coffin and a small coffin side by side, containing the two girls I'll ever love.
"Bella do you have anything to say?" I was asked and I looked around the room to see many people staring at me, Rose, and Edward glared at me but I got up and I headed up front and the priest moved and I was at the podium and I looked at all of Alice's family along with mine and I sighed.
"As you all know I'm Alice's...Husband...and Renesme's father...I...I love Alice and Renesme even though they are gone...I still love them greatly." I said and gulped as everyone stared at me.
"Alice and I have known each other since we were in high school...I was being bullied and Alice had helped me more then I could imagine...we started dating our junior year of high school and a year later Alice had Renesme." I said remembering Alice cursing at me as she crushed my hand and I flexed it a bit still remembering the pain and I chuckled.
"I remember Alice almost breaking my hand the day Renesme was born...heheh she yelled at me saying "No more kids Bella, No sex for a year." and other things...but after Renesme was born she said she wanted more kids." I chuckled and I looked at the coffin and I became depressed again.
"We'll never have anymore kids and...I'll never get to see Renesme start a family...fuck she never got the chance to get out of kindergarten...she was so excited about our plans to go to the beaches...you should have seen Renesme, playing in her sand box telling me and Alice she was practicing for the beach." I said and I started to tear up but I wiped my eyes and looked at the Cullens.
"I...had failed them both...I had vowed to keep Alice and Renesme safe from any harm...and I had failed them both." I said.
"And I'm sorry...I really am, I can't sleep...I can't do what I would usually do anymore...not without them...I wake up yelling out for Alice and Renesme, I panic and run around the house trying to find them...I've even called Esme asking if they were at her house." I said and I looked at everyone.
"Alice and Renesme were the only ones that made me happy...and now it's gone...because of some drunk driver...and whats sad...is that the fucking driver hits my side and I come out fucking fine but my wife and child are killed...how is that even possible?" I asked no one in particular and I growl as the tears flow.
"I'm alive talking, breathing, warm...and my wife and child can't talk to me...they no longer breath...and they're cold...and dead...I can no longer hear Alice telling me good morning when we wake up...Renesme can't run into our room and jump on our bed to wake us up...I can't play with my daughter anymore...I can't hold Alice anymore...I fucking failed them as a husband and a father." I said and sighed and looked at the coffins and I feel a hand on my shoulder and it's the priest and he looks at me with sad eyes and I wipe my tears away and I sit back down in my spot, others go up and talk about my family and I see Edward go up.
"Alice was the best sister in the world, a great woman, she'd help you no matter what, she was amazing, no one can take her spot, and to see her in a coffin, makes me sick, due to the fact that her so called Knight failed to keep her alive, her and Renesme didn't deserve to die at all, you did Bella, I wish you had died, one less freak to deal with, one less weakling." He said and I looked up at him and growled.
"If you made a promise to protect them you should have kept to it, you should have died in that wreck Bella, but instead my little sister and her child had to lose their life because of your stupidity." he said.
"EDWARD!" Esme and Carlisle yelled and I got up and grabbed him by his shirt.
"Listen here fucker, remember what I told you, that if you were able to get into my head then you'd go insane, do you know how fucking depressed I am, to know that the only two girls that made my life worth living are gone?" I asked and he just looked at me he actually looked scared.
"I had to wake up to see Alice looking at me, and she smiled as she fucking held my head in her lap... she fucking smiled with blood coming out of her mouth...Renesme she...she." I tried to say but I didn't want to see the image in my head of my little girls body.
"You'll never know how I feel...You'll never fucking feel how I feel right now, knowing that your wife and kid are gone for good, I wish I had died in that wreck Edward...I really fucking do wish that I could go back in time and stop us from going to our meadow to have our family picnic like we always did...I'll never see Alice or Renesme again...I'll never hug them...tell them I love them...nothing...it's all gone for me...you got to be with her for twenty-five years...you had more time with her then I did...and Renesme...she was only five years old." I said and I let him go and he backed away.
"Bella?" the priest asked and looked at me.
"What?" I asked.
"It's uh...time to take them to their spots." he said and I looked at the coffins and sighed then went over to them so did Emmett, I grabbed Alice and Renesme's coffins up front and he got them in the back we both walked out and followed the priest and I saw the clouds they were still black and they were mocking me.
"You OK?" I heard Emmett ask and I scoffed.
"Oh yes caring my dead wife and kid to their grave makes me OK." I said sarcastically.
"Sorry I was just asking." he said and I sighed.
"Sorry Emmett, I'm just stressed out from all this bullshit, with your wife and brother in law being asses to me, to the insomnia...it's not a great mix." I said as we made it to the mazulim that I got them, they don't deserve to be put in the ground.
"Renesme on top." I said and we both lifted my little girls coffin up and put it on the top part and I looked at it.
"Bella." Emmett said and I shook my head and looked at him.
"It's so small...she was so small Emmett." I said and he patted my shoulder gently and I shook my head and we grabbed Alice's coffin and gently placed it on the bottom and I looked at them.
"Can I be alone for a bit?" I asked him and he nodded then left out the doors and closed them and I looked at the coffins as they sat in a wall, I then grabbed a rose and a Lilly and I looked at the handle of the coffins and I gulped as I opened Alice's and placed the rose on top of her hands, I didn't get a good look at her, she told me to keep her casket closed but I had to place the rose inside, I then closed it and looked at Renesme's and I opened it gently, not looking at her either and I placed the Lilly in there on her hands then I closed the casket and I lit the candles and sighed as I smelt strawberries and smiled.
"You both loved that fruit heheh." I chuckled and then I walked out to see my family and the Cullen's, minus Rose and Edward.
"Ehem...um...If you ever need anything, just tell us Bella." Carlisle said and I nodded and I saw the graveyard owner locking up the Mazloum, my father patted my shoulder and my mom handed me the roses I had left, him and mom left then Mr. and Mrs. Cullen both left with Jasper and Emmett, I looked at the Mazloum and I gripped the roses and I placed them in the Flower holder that i had installed on the side of the building just for them and I teared up.
"I'm so sorry Alice...Renesme...you both must hate me so much right now...I understand if you do I hate myself to...heheh...I love you both...so much." I said as I leaned my head on the door and I felt the rain and smiled.
"Heh you both loved the rain to heheheh...I promise I'll visit every day." I said then stepped away from the building and I looked at it then the plaque.
"The Swan mazulium, dedicated to Alice, Renesme." I said and gulped as I saw the empty spot left for my name.
"May they rest in peace." I said then I headed to the church and got in my car and looked at the photo of Alice, Renseme and I in the hospital when Renesme was born, Alice's hair was frizzed up, she was a bit red but that was ok, she looked so small, and tired, Renesme was in my arms she was so small, she was asleep in the photo and was wrapped in a pink and blue blanket with a pink and blue stripped hat, I was still in my work clothes when I was at the hospital, once I had herd that Alice was going to the hospital I just dropped everything and drove to the hospital, just in time for Alice to crush my hand and bring our daughter into the world.
"I'll miss you two...I'll never remarry and I won't have any other kids." I said then started the car as I drove the radio started to play Kiss from a Rose by seal and I smiled a bit and sang along with it as I drove off.