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Shoma Uno's International Figure Skating Blackmail Association

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Rumor has it that “making it” in the international skating world isn’t winning Nationals, or Worlds, or even the Olympics. Twice. Thrice. No, “making it” in the international skating world is defined only as acceptance into Shoma Uno’s International Figure Skating Blackmail Association (IFSBA), in which nothing even remotely involved with skating or skaters can be kept a secret. Ever. It’d started a few years ago, consisting of just Shoma, Satoko Miyahara, Maia Shibutani, and Adam Rippon. Now, it’s expanded quite a bit, coming to include many spies contacts Shoma’s made throughout his international competition career. He’s privileged to many secrets that’ve been shared over the years, and he would deny if asked, but he has well-backstopped secret fan accounts from which he keeps tabs on the fandom and prompts analyses should he feel the need to have solid proof about something or other.

Most of his information comes directly from his sources, though, so he’s well-versed in juggling at least four active chats at any given time. His record is something to the effect of three groups, five dms, and sorting his information into the numerous folders on his computer all at the same time. Let no one underestimate the power of Shoma Uno when he’s invested in something.

 

1.. Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir

There’s a knock at Shoma’s hotel room door and he looks up from his phone.

“Shoma, it’s me,” Yuzuru’s familiar voice comes through the door.

Shoma gets off the bed and opens the door.

“Yeah?”

“Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the Canadian ice dancing team,” Yuzu starts, giggling to himself. “Zhenya and I spotted them cuddling in their dressing room before practice.”

Shoma raises an eyebrow. “Oh? Interesting. You know the drill.” The drill is “pics or it didn’t happen”, as everyone in the blackmail ring knows.

Yuzu nods, gesturing at Shoma’s computer open on the bed. “Zhenya’s sending them soon. The quality isn’t great, but it’s clear enough.”

“Good. Thank you, Yuzu. Goodnight,” Shoma bows his head, and Yuzu mirrors him.

“Goodnight, Shoma.”

Shoma closes the door and sits back down on the bed, clicking open to Evgenia Medvedeva’s chat.

Zhenya, 9:49pm: IMG_684
Zhenya, 9:49pm: IMG_685
Zhenya, 9:50pm: IMG_686
Zhenya, 9:51pm: Virtuemoir earlier today. Hope these are clear enough :)

Me, 9:51pm: Good enough, thank you Zhenya. Sleep well.

Zhenya, 9:53pm: Goodnight! You too :*

Shoma files the new images away. He’s got a specific folder just for those two, and everyone else, but it takes a few clicks to get in.

This PC >> Pictures >> IFSBA >> Active >> Americas >> Canada >> VirtueT/MoirS

 

2.. Nathan Chen and Vincent Zhou

Jason, 4:19am: Hey, Shoma, Tessa and Scott got me to dig up some stuff
Jason, 4:19am: Nathan Chen and Vincent Zhou, that’s something new
Jason, 4:20am: Oh shit, it’s like four in the morning, sorry!! timezones are weird
Jason, 4:21am: But here’s a bunch of Chenzhou stuff, the first two are from VM
Jason, 4:21am: IMG_349
Jason, 4:21am: IMG_350
Jason, 4:22am: these next ones are from my asking around and digging…
Jason, 4:23am: IMG_649
Jason, 4:23am: IMG_493
Jason, 4:24am: IMG_232
Jason, 4:25am: that’s it, sorry for the spam!! sleep well shoma :D

Me, 7:13am: Wow, good morning, Jason.
Me, 7:13am: Thank you, those two are either very good at keeping the secret or are a new thing.

Shoma hasn’t had to make a new folder in ages, but he supposes if he had to guess, Nathan would be the next one involved. It’s a pity about what Vincent’s supported on Twitter, but Shoma has a feeling Nathan and the Shibs are trying to change that. They should be, anyways. Shoma might need to have a word with them if they aren’t.

This PC >> Pictures >> IFSBA >> Active >> Americas >> USA >> New Folder
Rename New Folder >> ChenN/ZhouV

 

3.. Evgenia Medvedeva and Wakaba Higuchi

“Pay up, Nathaniel,” Maia says at breakfast the next morning, smirk fixed in place as Nathan sighs and passes her phone back along with a ten.

“Did I miss something?” Shoma asks her when he catches her in the hall.

“Oh, has no one sent this over yet? Zhenya and Wakaba were up to… something earlier,” Maia says, pulling out her phone and handing it over. It’s a short, blurry video of what appears to be two girls snuggling in the semi-darkness of the empty stands of the rink during open practice.

“If you squint and turn your head a little, you can kind of see their team jackets,” Maia explains, pointing out the lines, and Shoma thinks he might be able to. Maybe.

“Send it over.”

“Will do.  See you later, Shosho,” Maia says, pecking Shoma on the cheek. Shoma rolls his eyes at the nickname.

“Yeah yeah. I’ll tell Yuzu you said hi, too.”

“Thanks!” Maia calls as she skips off. Literally skips. What the fuck, honestly.

Shoma regrets opening his laptop the moment notifications start rolling in.

Maia, 10:20am: VID_127
Maia, 10:20am: here’s the video. i know others are sending in other stuff so

Javi, 10:23am: SHOMA DID YOU SEE THIS ISN’T IT CUTE LOOK
Javi, 10:24am: IMG_388

It’s a more HD picture version of the video Maia sent, from the ice instead of somewhere in the stands, but it’s still not clear exactly who the girls are. They could match Wakaba and Zhenya, but it’s hard to tell.

Nathan, 10:21am: Evgenia and Wakaba from practice this morning ;)
Nathan, 10:23am: IMG_638
Nathan, 10:24am: IMG_639
Nathan, 10:25am: here are Vincent’s contributions, he’s not in this group, is he?

Me, 10:45am: No, he isn’t

The amount of people trying to reach him is honestly a bit absurd, Shoma thinks as he saves everything.

Yuzu, 10:32am: IMG_439
Yuzu, 10:32am: IMG_440

At this point, there’s more than enough witnesses to more or less confirm that those two girls were, indeed, Zhenya and Wakaba, so Shoma finishes filing his evidence before closing the computer.

This PC >> Pictures >> IFSBA >> Active >> International >> RUS/JPN MedvedevaE/HiguchiW

 

4.. Javier Fernandez and Yuzuru Hanyu

The next one really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, but Shoma is startled, nonetheless, when he suddenly receives an influx of all-capslock texts from numerous people. He ventures onto Instagram, scrolling down until he sees the source of the screaming. Kaori’s posted an old video on her private account from some banquet afterparty or other, maybe from last year. It looks like it’s been screen recorded and resaved several times, so he can’t tell where it’s originally from, but its content couldn’t be clearer.

The original videographer was taking a panning shot of the dark ballroom they’d been in, and in the very back corner, somewhat obscured by the dark mass of people, is two figures standing close. It’s not immediately apparent who they are, but Kaori and, her caption says, Mai and Satton have taken the time to compile a series of other pictures into the post that show clearer fractions of said figures in the back. They appear to both be male, and singles skaters based on relative height and breadth of shoulder. The clincher is a shaky video from an unnamed account, where the frame rests on the two long enough to see one cup the other’s cheek in an oddly familiar motion. Kaori has paired this with a side-by-side of a video from an ice show, where Javi does the same thing to Yuzu, except in the ballroom video, probably-Javi leans in to kiss probably-Yuzu.

Shoma laughs. He messages Kaori.

Me, 8:23pm: Kao, you’re now a co-admin of the IFSBA. Congratulations.

Kaori, 8:30pm: Oh, you saw the post LMAO

Me, 8:30pm: Yeah, I did. Good work.

Kaori, 8:31pm: Thank youuuuuuuuu, Mai and Satton say hi. Are we still on for dinner this weekend?

Me, 8:31pm: Of course. I’ll see you then :D

Kaori, 8:32pm: I’ve heard from several people that Stephane Lambiel has something big
Kaori, 8:33pm: I’m not exactly sure what it is, but some of the rumors are… mentally scarring.

Me, 8:33pm: I’ll be on the lookout. Thanks for the heads-up, though

Kaori, 8:33pm: Good luck. You’ll know it when you see it. See you Saturday :*

Shoma smiles to himself as he saves the new analysis to one of the biggest files on his computer. He’s planning on splitting it into years soon, or maybe blocks of years, just for ease of access. There’s not as much for when Yuzuru first moved to TCC, but some of the more recent years have had a lot of content.

This PC >> Pictures >> IFSBA >> Active >> International >> ESP/JPN FernandezJ/HanyuY

 

+1 Evgeni Plushenko and Alexei Yagudin

Unknown Contact, 3:45am: Hi Shoma, I’m going to go ahead and stay anonymous for now
Unknown Contact, 3:45am: I have some pretty strong blackmail stuff
Unknown Contact, 3:45am: But it’s quite mentally scarring, so there’s your warning.
Unknown Contact, 3:46am: Submitting for Evegni Plushenko and Alexei Yagudin.
Unknown Contact, 3:46am: IMG_69
Unknown Contact, 3:47am: I am deeply uncomfortable with that image number. Here’s a piece of proof.
Unknown Contact, 3:48am: IMG_scrnsht34
Unknown Contact, 3:50am: I am aware of how unfortunate those numbers are. I’m bleaching my eyes.

The first thing Shoma sees upon waking is a spam of messages and Evgeni Plushenko’s penis. It’s not a pleasant way to wake up.

Jesus fucking Christ,” Shoma hisses, throwing his phone across the bed. He thinks he may need to invest in a good brain-dissolver.

Unsolicited dickpics are never well-received, so Shoma carefully scrolls past the picture to the screenshot. It appears to be from Plushenko himself, sent to the anonymous submitter, who seems to have used Twitter stickers to censor their name from the chat.

Evgeni to [Redacted]: FUCK
Evgeni to [Redacted]: SORRY
Evgeni to [Redacted]: THAT WAS MEANT FOR SOMEONE ELSE
[Redacted] to Evgeni: That was an unpleasant experience
Evgeni to [Redacted]: I AM SO SORRY
[Redacted] to Evgeni: Since you’ve subjected me to …that, I think I have a right to know who it was for.
Evgeni to [Redacted]: …
[Redacted] to Evgeni: Fine, then, I’ll just throw out my guesses and you tell me yes or no. No shaming.
[Redacted] to Evgeni: Yana (it’s not.)
Evgeni to [Redacted]: …
Evgeni to [Redacted]: No.
[Redacted] to Evgeni: Another woman (it’s not.)
Evgeni to [Redacted]: These implications of yours, [Redacted].
[Redacted] to Evgeni: It’s not as if I, of all people, would judge you for that.
Evgeni to [Redacted]: I’m going to spare myself the shame.
Evgeni to [Redacted]: Lyosha.
[Redacted] to Evgeni: Not a surprise. But Lyosha is quite an… intimate name, is it not?
Evgeni to [Redacted]: You’ve gotten what you want, [Redacted]. This conversation never happened.

Shoma has a guess on who it is, but he has to go through a bit of an intensive process to confirm. He’s not directly in contact with the people who could tell him, but he has contacts who are, so he sets out with his messages. He can’t go too directly, either, so he chooses a slightly more difficult path.

First, to Adam: Good morning, Adam! Do you happen to have a contact number for Mirai Nagasu? I wanted to ask her some things.

Then, to Mirai: Hi, Mirai. This is Shoma Uno. I was just wondering if you have Karen Chen’s number? I was going to ask her something.

To Karen: Hi Karen, this is Shoma Uno. Would you happen to have Nathan Chen’s number? I was going to ask him about some things.

To Nathan: Hi Nathan. I was just asking to see if you had Mikhail Kolyada’s number. I’m trying to collect contact info for later.

The thing is, he’s already got all the numbers he needs. He just wants the trail to be untraceable back to him. He could just text the person in question directly and ask, but since when does a blackmail leader expose himself like that? Never.

To Mikhail: Hi Mikhail. This is Shoma Uno. Do you have Stanislava Konstantinova’s number? I need to ask her something.

To Stanislava: Hi Stanislava, this is Shoma Uno. Would you happen to have the phone number of Diana Nikitina? I wanted to ask her some questions.

To Diana: Hi Diana. This is Shoma Uno. I was wondering if you could get me Deniss Vasiljevs’ number? I wanted to ask him something about Stephane.

Diana replies with a laughing emoji and four molester moon emojis. You know too much, she texts. But yes. I will forward you his number. Just one second.

And finally, finally, Shoma’s where he needed to be from the start. He could’ve just gotten Deniss’ number from his spreadsheet, but where’s the fun in that?

Me, 7:30am: Hi Deniss. Can I ask you something about Stephane?

Deniss Vasiljevs, 7:43am: Sure, what’s up?

Me, 7:45am: You wouldn’t happen to know if Plushenko mis-sent something, would you?

Deniss Vasiljevs, 7:45am: Oh my god
Deniss Vasiljevs, 7:45am: The dickpic
Deniss Vasiljevs, 7:45am: Yes, that was a thing. Why?

It takes about ten seconds of explaining before Deniss is officially inducted into the IFSBA. Apparently, Stephane’s taught him how to be basically invisible when he wants to be, lurking both on- and offline and cataloguing information for later. Shoma also likes how practical and straightforward Deniss is, so he’s basically a shoo-in.

This PC >> Pictures >> IFSBA >> Active >> Europe >> Russia >> PlushenkoE/YagudinA

Shoma adds Deniss to the main groupchat, letting all of their greetings slow down before messaging him privately again.

Me, 7:54am: To be officially “in”, you do have to send a piece of blackmail for yourself
Me, 7:54am: It’s a guarantee that whatever happens in IFSBA stays in IFSBA.

Deniss, 7:55am: What if I send you something of Steph instead?

Me, 7:55am: Stephane is hard to blackmail, short of nudes or like… sex tapes.

Deniss, 7:56am: The things that happen in Champery stay in Champery, then.
Deniss, 7:56am: VID_132
Deniss, 7:57am: Striptease lessons for myself. I clipped it before the underwear came off so that’s safe.

Shoma honest to god chokes. It is indeed a video of Deniss stripdancing (awkwardly), with Stephane giving soft-spoken instructions from behind the camera.  Instead of the video cutting out normally, though, Deniss, that little shit, has edited in Plushenko’s dickpic with a bass-boosted audio clip at the end like some kind of fucking jumpscare, and Shoma instantly regrets his entire life.

Me, 8:01am: FUCK OFF I HATE MY LIFE

Deniss, 8:01am: MWAH LOVE YOU TOO

Once he stops laughing, Shoma hesitates a moment before he sets up his latest observations, but decides it’s probably just speculation. Still, it can’t hurt to get things set up, right?

This PC >> Pictures >> IFSBA >> Active >> International >> New Folder
Rename New Folder >> LAT/SUI VasiljevsD/LambielS (possible)

 

-fin.