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To All The Boys I've Loved Before

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Today was the day. Life without Cooper in the house had begun. And while Blaine was super excited for his brother to move to Hollywood, he dreaded learning how to go through life without him. It was funny how just a few years ago he hated only being known as ‘Cooper’s little brother’. The term of endearment made him cringe, but it had grown on him. Being Cooper’s little brother had its perks. Invitations to the cool senior parties, favor from every teacher in the arts department, but more than anything it came with a built in best friend. One who loved unconditionally, and for some reason always let his dorkier younger brother tag along.

Of course he still had Sam. And Dave, Cooper’s boyfriend...well ex-boyfriend, now that Cooper had dumped him, before leaving to find his stardom in California. But it wouldn’t be the same. Plus he had to drive to school, which was its own special kind of nightmare. And having his younger brother in the car, critiquing his every move wasn’t making it anymore desirable.

Blaine arrived to school early, maybe if he could find Dave before classes he could try to explain to him that he hadn’t known that Cooper was going to break up with him. Maybe, maybe they’d be able to keep their friendship intact. He hoped he could, because starting the new school year was already dragging him down. The one positive thing about starting school though, was all the new outfits, and today he was ridiculously excited about the loud outfit he’d chosen. A slick black button up short sleeve and bright yellow pants that of course  were matched with a bow tie of corresponding color. He was really feeling himself as he walked the halls, and he wondered - for a split second - if this was the year that everything changed. Maybe he could survive without Cooper, as long as he looked this fly all year round.

He’d just about reached his locker when the insult came, hurled at him by an all too familiar voice as he looked up to find him moving down the hallway towards him. “Did you forget to shop in the big boy section again, Anderson? I guess you really don’t know how to do anything without big brother Anderson here to hold your hand.” Blaine grimaced, so much for his independence . But he wasn’t about to let Hunter take all of his dignity. “For your information, Clarington. Th-this bowtie is vintage.” He could have been more sure of his words if Smythe hadn’t come around that second, wrapping himself around Hunter in the most lewd manner possible. If it wasn’t so hot, Blaine might have found it offensive.

“I heard vintage is really hot right now.” Blaine let out a sigh of relief as the blonde attached the voice came into view, flinging his arm around Blaine’s shoulders and flashing a crooked grin. The thing was, even though Blaine wasn’t super popular, everyone loved Sam and even though Blaine was pretty sure Sam had no idea what vintage meant, he was glad to have him by his side. Hunter backed off, shooting Blaine a look of disgust before shrugging out of Sebastian’s grip and swaggering off, leaving Sebastian standing there, smirking at Blaine. Blaine hated that smirk. It was always so damn annoying. It was as if Sebastian knew he could make a person’s knees wobble with just a look. And Blaine didn’t think any one person should ever have that kind of power. Especially not an arrogant jerk like Sebastian Smythe.

When Sebastian finally sauntered away, he let out a breath, “Come on Sammy. Let’s go grab a latte before classes start and you can tell me what you got up to visiting your grand dad in Florida this summer?” He suggested, smiling brightly up at his would be hero, “On me?” He offered to sweeten the pot, trying to shake the memory of a time he’d been in love with Sebastian Smythe. Although he wasn’t totally sure what love was. Not really. Not in real life. He read about it. He sang about it. But he wasn’t quite sure his heart wrenching crush on Sebastian truly counted as love. Still it was a dark secret he planned on taking to his grave. Besides, he didn’t like him anymore. He’d written a letter last summer - not that he’d sent it - because that’s how over Sebastian Smythe he was. Totally over it. Because Sebastian Smythe was just a jerk. And Blaine was over it.


DATED: JUNE 3, 2018

Dear Sebastian S,

First of all I refuse to call you Smythe. You think you’re so cool, going by your last name all of a sudden. Just so you know, Smythe sounds like the name of an apple…or an old man that fought for the south in the civil war.

Did you know that when you kissed me, I would come to love you? Sometimes I think yes. definitely yes. You know why? Because you think EVERYONE loves you, Sebastian. That’s what I hate about you. Because everyone does love you. Including me. I did. Not anymore.

Here are all your worst qualities:

You burp and you don’t say excuse me. You just assume everyone else will find it charming. And if they don’t, who cares, right? Wrong! You do care. You care a lot about what people think of you.

You always take the last piece of pizza. You never ask if anyone else wants it. That’s rude.

You’re so good at everything. Too good. You could’ve given other guys a chance to be good, but you never did.

You kissed me for no reason. Even though I knew you liked Hunter, and you know you liked Hunter, and Hunter knew you liked Hunter. But you still did it. Just because you could. I really want to know: Why would you do that to me? My first kiss was supposed to be something special. I’ve read about it, what it’s supposed to feel like - fireworks and lightning bolts and the sound of waves crashing in your ears. I didn’t have any of that. Thanks you to you it was as unspecial as a kiss could be.

The worst part of it is, that stupid nothing kiss is what made me start liking you. I never did before. I never even thought about you before. Hunter has always sad that you are the best-looking boy in our grade - besides him, and I agreed, because sure, you are. But I still didn’t see the allure of you. Plenty of people are good-looking. That doesn’t make them interesting or intriguing, or cool.

Maybe that’s why you kissed me. To do mind control on me, to make me see you that way. It worked. Your little trick worked. From then on, I saw you. Up close, your face wasn’t so much handsome as beautiful. How many beautiful boys have you ever seen? For me it was just one. You. I think it’s a lot to do with your lashes. You have really long lashes. Unfairly long.

Even though you don’t deserve it, fine, I’ll go into all the things I like(d) about you:

One time in science, nobody wanted to be partners with Jeff Sterling because he was a dork, and you volunteered like it was no big deal. Suddenly everybody thought Jeff wasn’t so bad.

You’re in the Warblers, even though all the other boys are in sports now. You even sing solos. And you dance, and you’re not embarrassed.

You were the last boy to get tall. And now you’re the tallest, but it’s like you earned it. Also, when you were short, no one even cared that you were short - the girls still liked you and the boys still picked you first for basketball in gym.

After you kissed me, I liked you for the rest of seventh grade and most of eighth. It hasn’t been easy, watching you with Hunter, holding hands and making out at the bus loop. You probably make him feel very special. Because that’s your talent, right? You’re good at making people feel special.

Do you know what it’s like to like someone so much you can’t stand it and know that they’ll never feel the same way? Probably not. People like you don’t have to suffer through those kinds of things. It was easier after Hunter moved and we stopped being friends. At least then I didn’t have to hear about it.

And now that the year is almost over, I know for sure that I am also over you. I’m immune to you now, Sebastian. I’m really proud to say that I’m the only person in this school who has been immunized to the charms of Sebastian Smythe. All because I had a really bad dose of you in seventh grade and most of eighth. Now I never ever have to worry about catching you again. What a relief! I bet if I did ever kiss you again, I would definitely catch something, and it wouldn’t be love. It would be an STD!

Blaine Devon Anderson