“I’m sorry Robért, but we just aren’t compatible.”
Two and a half years of on and off dating, and this was how she was ending it. The woman he was desperately in love with. she had turned him down again and again, until he finally wore her down. But then she would break it off and see another guy, and when that inevitably failed, she begrudging get back together with him. Why couldn’t she see they were made for each other? Why? WHY!?
His Juliet had left him speechless, gasping for words. But she was gone now…and a cold feeling clamped on his throat. His only companion in the lonely street was the small stuffed pig in his hand. It was supposed to be a gift, but he didn’t even get the chance to give it to her.
Poor Robért didn’t even see the black butterfly touch his little pig.
“Amalgam,” a dark voice whispered in his ears. “You’ve been rejected by someone who thought you were ‘incompatible’. I’m giving you the power to fuse two people together, and prove to her that no one is truly compatible after all! In exchange, all I ask is for you to take Chat Noir and Ladybug’s Miraculous!”
“Understood Hawkmoth!” Black and purple smoke covered the newest victim, taking a very average looking man and turning him into a fashion nightmare. Paisley and plaid, polka dots and stripes, patterns that clashed and complementary color combinations that made the eyes burn. A staff formed in his other hand, green on one end and red on the other.
“All shall fall prey to heartbreak!”
Alya and Marinette stood in the doorway to the school, looking down to the boys down below.
There he was.
A prince among commoners, an angel among mortals. Perfection incarnate, with sunshine in his hair and the lushest fauna in his eyes—
“Wow, a seamstress and a poet. Who would have thought?” Alya laughed.
“Oh geez, did I say that out loud?”
“‘Fraid so, buttercup. But not loud enough for him to hear.”
“Ugh, why does he do this to me?”
“Everyone gets like this around their crush.”
“I’ve never once seen you stutter around Nino.”
“That’s because Nino is a total dork. And according to him, Adrien is too. You just have to get him off his pedestal in your head.”
Marinette scrunched her face in thought. “I don’t know if I can do this Alya...”
“Girl, you said so yourself that you are better talking to him as a friend. This isn’t a date, it’s a study session at your house. You checked his schedule, and he should be free.”
“Yeah...but it feels a lot like a double date.”
“That’s for your benefit. Don’t worry, we won’t ditch you.”
Marinette inhaled deeply, and held her breath. “Okay.” She stomped down the stairs, and approached the boys with an awkward “um?”
They both smiled at her. “Hi Marinette!” Adrien greeted warmly.
Nino gave a knowing little smile and patted Marinette on the back. Then he travelled up the steps to Alya, leaving them alone.
Marinette internally both thanked and cursed Nino for the opportunity. But she could talk to him, no problem right?
Except he had been staring at her for a bit now.
“Hi Adrien!” She squeaked again.
“Hi...Marinette?” He smiled, with a curious look on his face. Oops.
“Soo...” she began. “Nino and Alya are coming over Friday after school for a homework/movie night. I was wondering if you wanted to join us?” Yes! She got it all out without stuttering!
“Wow really?! You want me to come!?”
“Yes! I love you! I MEAN I loved you have come! Love you to come! To my house!” She giggled awkwardly.
He chuckled. Her flubbering was too adorable. “Well, I really would like to come! I have to check my schedule and ask my dad...” he frowned slightly at the thought. But then he smiled, “but he likes you, and I don’t think I have anything going on. Can I have your number so I can get back to you?”
This was the best day of her life. “Yep! Totally!” She held out her hand.
He took out his phone and unlocked it for her, and then placed it in her palm.
With great amusement, she noted that his wallpaper was of Ladybug. “Ladybug fan?”
“Yes!” He chirped, “I love her! Er—I admire her. She’s saved my life a few times, you know?”
“That’s amazing! I’ve never actually met Ladybug.”
“That’s too bad. I bet you guys would get along great!”
This was nice, chatting with Adrien so easily. A little awkward considering she was talking about herself, but at least he was fond of her.
“Oh, how do I add my contact info?” She swiped across the screen.
“Oh,” he tittered, shouldering up close to her. “It’s right—“
The sound of a laser cut him off as beams of light fired at them and the students gathered.
They both had mere seconds to witness classmates becoming molded together into grotesque monsters before Adrien threw himself in front of Marinette as a shield.
At that point, it didn’t even matter.
Adrien felt Marinette literally melt into him. At first it felt like a tight hug, a warmth spreading from head to toe. And then, she was absorbed into him, and likewise him to her. Her very being and existence dancing together with his. Their bodies fusing, thoughts melding, and very souls twirling in an endless spiral until there was only one. Never were there more bone of bone, and flesh of flesh. It all happened instantaneously in the outside world, and in a second, teal eyes blinked, clouded with a myriad of realizations.
Amalgam had quite the fun morning terrorizing Paris. With a simple zap of his cane, a typical, cute looking couple fused into one ghastly creature, with too many eyes, or limbs. Some with two torsos, joined at the hips. It all depended on how well the couple matched. The more argumentative the lovers, the less joined they were. Some only being joined by the wrists.
No, the real hell was for couples that got along really well with a lot in common. They were the ones that looked like mutants.
So when he arrived at Collège Françoise Dupont, he was prepared to break hearts and ruin friendships. There were several pairs milling about, talking and flirting, and he zapped them all with abandon. Friends, lovers, enemies, didn’t matter. If they were standing together talking, they were shot at.
One such couple was Marinette and Adrien.
Amalgam laughed as he looked over the hideous group. “Haha! Now you see! Look at you all! Disgusting urchin! See now that you’ll never be happy! Because you’re not compatible! You’re not made for each other! You’re not—“ His ranting stopped as he looked over the last couple he shot.
A gorgeous androgynous figure, with two slender human arms and two long human legs. Shoulder length, wavy hair that started black and turned into blonde in an ombre. They wore a dark gray jacket over a light gray shirt with flowers and stripes, lavender jeans, and pink converse. Teal eyes stared ahead blankly, unaware of the danger they were in.
Amalgam was furious. “You! You can’t exist! There’s no such thing as perfectly compatiblity!” He turned his cane over, the red side igniting with a glow. But before he shot, a butterfly shaped mask appeared over his face. He groaned in annoyance, but ultimately turned away and fled.
Adrienette still stood still, reeling from the amount of information rolling around upstairs. Enough thoughts and memories for two lifetimes were being recalled at lightning speeds.
Alya and Nino came running towards them the moment the coast was clear. “Marinette! Adrien! Can you hear me?!” Alya shouted, shaking their shoulder.
“Uh…yes…” They said, in a voice too high to be Adrien, but too low to be Marinette, but silky smooth all the same.
“You dudes okay?” Nino asked.
Adrienette brought a hand up to their face, holding their head. “Yeah…I’m fine.”
“Which one of you said that?” Alya insisted. “I have to know!”
“I did…I’m both of them. At the same time. It’s…a little overwhelming.”
The most important and recent events came at them first. Adrien opening his Miraculous and turning into Chat Noir, and his promise that he was in love with Ladybug. Then Marinette’s gift of the earrings, and that moment on the stairs in the rain.
Marinette is Ladybug.
Adrien is Chat Noir.
She loves me.
He loves me.
And I never noticed.
He was right there.
She was right behind me.
What are we going to do?
Everything is wrong.
I won’t be able to look him in the eyes.
I want to hold her, but I can’t.
I’m so scared.
I’m so scared.
“You said you were fine. But the tears say otherwise.”
Adrienette wiped their eyes, “yeah, I’m just…Marinette didn’t know…Adrien just wants…” The memories of past Christmases and family time assaulted them. The warmth of the Dupain-Cheng’s and the bitter memories of loss from the Agreste’s. Marinette cried for Adrien, Adrien cried for want of Marinette’s.
“Move,” Chloe shoved Nino out of the way, and stared at what had become of her beloved Adrien. “Adrikins! Are you okay!? I can’t believe you’ve been…ruined by Marinette!”
The feeling of repulsion by both parties was too strong. Adrienette shoved Chloe away harshly, automatically.
“Marinette!” Chloe hissed. “Just because your—melted to him, doesn’t mean you get to be selfish!”
“I’m sorry…” Adrienette breathed. “I just…”
She’s a spoiled brat.
I wish she’d grow up.
She’s so mean to me.
I want to be her friend but…
This isn’t my fault.
Don’t blame her.
“Chloe, chill out. Can’t you see they’re upset? Both of them are.”
Chloe scoffed, “I don’t know why Marinette would be upset, this is her dream come true. She’d never get another chance to be close to Adrien! But I can see why Adrien is upset. Being stuck with her.”
Don’t listen to her.
I love Adrien.
I love Marinette.
Being with you is great.
You can hear my thoughts.
You know my desires.
Don’t be scared.
Don’t be scared.
“Adrien is so happy!” Adrienette declared. “He’s…not disappointed.” They wrapped their arms around them, as the tears continued to fall. “I’m so glad it’s you.”
Alya glanced over to the others that were hit. A lot of shouting and crying was going on as the two halves conflicted with each other. “Looks like you two got lucky,” she acknowledged. “It looks like you get along really well, that’s why you look like a normal person.”
I have to transform.
We have to catch the akuma.
My parents are going to make fun of us.
My dad is going to kill me.
I’ll kick him in the nuts.
I’m with you.
I’m with you.
“Look, let’s get you two somewhere less…public.” Alya grabbed their wrist and tugged them into an empty classroom, Nino following behind. “Here, now it’s quieter so you can think. What’s going on?” She sat on the desk and pet their hair. “Anything I can help with?”
Adrienette shook their head. “No, Marinette just saw Adrien’s memories of his mom. And Adrien learned about Marinette’s crush. Among other things.”
That was a good half truth.
Alya is very good at prying.
She’ll want more information later.
We need to get her to leave us alone.
We need to get that akuma.
I’m with you.
I’m with you.
“Alright. Do you want a minute alone? Well…as alone as you can be? It shouldn’t be too long before Ladybug fixes everything, but I’m sure you’ll have a lot to talk about after you separate.”
I have to go fight.
As long as I’m with you.
It’s nice having you here.
I don’t want to separate again.
I’m happy with you.
I’ve been so lonely.
I wanted to protect you.
You’ve been so guarded.
It was safer that way.
I can’t go back to the way things were.
I don’t want you to pretend anymore.
I’m only myself when I’m with you.
It’s alright to be you.
“If you don’t mind? I’m going to lock the door, too. So no one bothers me.”
Alya patted them on the cheek. “It’ll be okay. In the meantime, I’m going to see if I can see the akuma in action! C’mon Nino!”
“What! Why me?!”
“Because if I get hit, I’d rather get merged with someone I like!”
“I’d rather not get merged at all!”
“What’s wrong? Afraid that we aren’t ‘compatible’?”
He blushed. “A little…”
“Compatibility is a bullshit term. If you like someone, you can make a relationship work. You just need love, and devotion to keep that love alive. And of course patience and stuff, but there’s no perfect match for anyone.”
“Oh yeah, well how do you explain them?” Nino gestured to Adrienette.
“Simple! Adrien and Marinette are very devoted to each other and balance out their personalities. Adrien is more level head while Marinette is more impulsive.”
I beg to differ.
I can keep cool!
Chat Noir leaps before he looks.
Ladybug jumps to conclusions.
Ladybug thinks quickly.
Chat Noir acts quickly to protect Ladybug.
Don’t do that.
You’re more important.
You’re more important to me.
“Either way, if we get hit, we know what to expect.”
“Or we could try to just not get hit?” Nino asked. “But I know I can’t convince you to not go after an akuma, so let’s go before I chicken out.”
“You’re the best!” Alya sang as she closed the door behind them.
Finally alone, Plagg and Tikki came out of their respected hiding places.
“Well…this is a first,” Tikki pondered, studying the couple.
“How are you guys not morphed together?” Adrienette asked.
“The Akuma’s powers must only work against people. And we should be lucky. There’s no telling what would have happened if Plagg and I had been fused together.”
“How are you doing kid? Totally freaking out?”
“Yes, but Marinette is too. So we’re even.” They smiled.
“You two are very lucky. Chat Noirs and Ladybugs are two halves of a whole. So naturally, if you’re fused together, you meld perfectly, right down to the very core.”
“So the others hit can’t read each other’s thoughts?”
“I don’t know. But it’s not likely. The mind is the last thing to meld between two people.”
“Yeah, come on.” Plagg scoffed. “A kiss or a hug? Physical melding. Sex? Physical and spiritual. You want to read each other’s minds? No mere man can accomplish that on his own. It takes a kwami. In fact, when we transform, we meld minds. Ever think of that?”
Adrienette opened their mouth to retort, but logic kicked in. “Look, we should go after the akuma.”
Tikki and Plagg looked at each other, then, “which Miraculous are you going to use?”
“Well…Ladybug needs to cleanse the akuma, but…”
Tikki sighed. “Since you are essentially two people, I guess you can use both at the same time, just…be careful. Two Miraculous means twice the power. And the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous are already the most powerful ones.”
“Don’t be tempted to do anything rash!” Plagg warned. “I’ll smack you silly if you try anything!”
“Are things different if we use them at the same time?”
“There’s no timer. You can use Cataclysm and Lucky Charm indefinitely, since we charge each other. And you have a third power, to bend reality.”
“Don’t use it!” Plagg added. “It’s way too dangerous!”
“But Miraculous Ladybug still works the same. Do the job as normal and keep each other accountable.”
We can do this.
As long as we’re together.
You and me against the world.
“Plagg, Tikki, Claws out and spots on!”
A flash of light filled the room, and when it receded, the hero remaining was hovering a few inches in the air. Their skin glowed a warm gold, like fire light, interspersed with dark inky purple that dripped on the floor. Two pairs of wings came from behind, one white, and one black.
Chat’s baton reaches on their lower back while Ladybug’s yo-yo rested on their waist. Between their wings laid an empty quiver.
With glowing white eyes, Ladynoir glanced over their form.
A dozen positive and uncertain thoughts circled around at the sight of their black hands. But there was no time to back out. They opened the window and rocketed our into the streets.
Folks pointed at them, unsure if this was another Akuma.
“Which way did the Akuma go?!” They shouted out with a mighty voice.
Shaking hands pointed down the road, and they were off.
They found the Akuma laughing and dancing in the streets, enjoying the misery of the other mutants.
They landed on the cobblestone streets, prepared the fight. “That’ll be quite enough!” They called.
Amalgam turned and looked at them with confusion. “Who the hell are you?”
“Your reckoning.” Ladynoir took the yo-yo and the baton, and touched them together. They glowed and morphed into a bow. The action was automatic, it just felt right.
“You think you can defeat me? Ha! I’ll take you on until the other ‘heroes’ show up!” He turned his cane to the red side, and unleashed a volley of lasers at them.
The pair of black wings effortlessly stretched forward and shielded them from getting hit.
Amalgam frowned, not liking the blank look on their face. He sent another round of beams, faster this time.
Yet, Ladynoir was unperturbed. Their wings continued to block the attacks as they raised the bow. Reaching one hand back to the quiver, they summoned, “Cataclysm,” and pulled a black arrow from behind. Then they took the shot and hit his cane head on. It turned black and shattered in his hands.
Now weaponless, Amalgam stared at the hero in front of him. The telltale butterfly mask came up again.
“Screw this!” The akuma replied, loudly, and bolted.
But Ladynoir reached back for another arrow. “Lucky Charm,” they said this time, plucking a white arrow. Shooting it straight up, a red and black polka-dotted lasso fell into their hands.
They quickly flew off after the Akuma, his appearance making him stick out like a sore thumb. Using the lasso, they snagged the man by the feet and started to drag him back while he clawed against the ground.
“No! No! I don’t want it to end this way!”
Ladynoir yanked the pig out of his grasp and ripped it apart. The bow dissolved back into the baton and yo-yo, allowing them to catch and purify the akuma. All in all, it was the easiest akuma they had ever fought. Flawless synchronization, both moving at the same pace…
The lasso laid in their hands. All they had to do was Miraculous Ladybug and the citizens of Paris would go back to being individuals again.
They would be individuals again.
We have to.
We can’t let everyone else suffer.
I don’t want to be lonely again.
I want you with me.
I’ll be with you as much as I can.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
With resolve, they threw the lasso in the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!”
The healing Ladybug’s swept through the city, righting wrongs and separating the melded couples.
In the case of Ladybug and Chat Noir, the duo was forcibly ripped apart, a cold ache replacing the warmth of their partner.
And then the two superheroes stood on the street, staring at each other. Only their own thoughts in their heads.
The sudden whiplash of change was jarring…and a little awkward.
They both spoke at the same time, trying to piece together everything that just happened.
“We should go back to the classroom. That’s where Alya and Nino think we are.” Chat damn near whispered.
Together, and still in synch, they vaulted over rooftops and returned to the school and slipped inside the room, detransforming. The lights were still out, and the door still locked.
Marinette went over to unlock it.
“Marinette?” Adrien spoke softly.
She bit her lip, her fingers touching the handle of the door. “I…really should…be going…”
But slowly, his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her snuggly against his chest. “Stay…just for a moment…”
She didn’t know why she felt some uncomfortable all of a sudden. Hadn’t she just very badly wanted to stay fused with him? Wasn’t she begging to stay with him? Why the cold feet?
“I know…” He whispered in her ear. “I know you’re uncomfortable, I know…”
Of course he knew, because he knew everything. Every embarrassing memory, her most vulnerable moments, and her darkest desires.
And she had seen his too. Flashes of flexing in the bathroom mirror—nude, his dirty secrets, and even sexual fantasies. She had seen them all. It was enough to never meet his gaze again.
He pressed a kiss to her neck, right beneath her ear.
He smiled. “You’ve imagined me kissing you there. As Adrien and as Chat.” He kissed her neck again, open mouthed.
Marinette trembled, and leaned back against him, weak.
He only tightened his hold and drew his tongue down her pulse point. “And you know that I’ve wanted to kiss you here too…so badly.”
“A-Adrien…” she begged.
He eased up his torment with a sweet kiss, and then nuzzled into her shoulder. “You’re absolutely perfect, you know that, Bugaboo?”
“Oh don’t protest, I know you secretly love it when I call you that.”
It was too much. She tore away from him, misty-eyed. “Yes! You know that! You know everything about me! I—I just lost my sense of self!”
Adrien stared at her, startled.
“You…what is mine anymore!? This was the biggest invasion of privacy in—in the history of ever! I can’t—I don’t even have to say any of this, because you know what I mean!”
“I do.” He confirmed, willing to just listen to her.
“This is like…someone reading my diary, if I was brave enough to write down my worst thoughts!”
“You know my darkest thoughts too, Marinette,” he gently reminded her.
“Yeah! And—“ she grimaced, swallowing.
“I’m not so perfect anymore, am I, My Lady?” He smiled slightly, but his tone was flat and almost accusatory.
“I knew you weren’t perfect—“
“Don’t lie to me. You thought Adrien was perfect, which is fine. Because that’s what my dad wanted, so that’s what I did my best to be.”
“Adrien, you are everything I ever wanted in a man. I was going to say…I’m worried about you.”
He shrugged gently, looking away from her. “You don’t have to be…”
“Yes, I’m pretty sure I do.” She reached out to touch his arm. “Suicide?”
“That was a long time ago…”
“It really wasn’t.”
He glanced up, offering the saddest smile. “I’m starting to see what you meant. There really is no privacy between us.”
“I’m not!” He quickly assured. Then he took her hands. “Most couples go their whole lives trying to learn everything about their spouse. But at this very moment, we know everything about each other. Now we get to spend the rest of our lives watching how we change.”
“You said spouse.”
“Oh, I guess I did.”
She smiled at him. “I know. You’ve dreamt of domesticated Ladybug. And you’ve fantasized about our wedding night.”
He blushed. “Heh…yeah…” The purely vulnerable look on his face made her relax. This was her partner, Chat Noir, and the man of her dreams.
Her best friend.
“Full disclosure, I don’t think I can take off the suit and use the yo-yo at the same time.” She teased.
He snickered. “It’s called a fantasy for a reason!”
“Yeah yeah, mangy cat.”
A cheshire cat grin curled across his lips. “You have your fair share of fantasies too, My Lady.”
Her eyes widened. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
He snickered and grabbed her by the waist, hauling her up to wrap her legs around his waist in return. He walked forwards until they were pressed against the wall.
He pressed his lips to hers, hungrily. Teasing against her with his tongue. Moaning as she gave in and kissed him back.
“We’ll have—a house—and three kids—“ he spoke between heated kisses. “And a pet hamster—!“
She giggled as his kisses moved over to her cheek and then her jaw. “And—we can have a home on a secluded island and live off of fruit.”
He snickered too, pulling away to gaze into her eyes. “And every night, we’ll lay next to each other in bed, just staring into each other’s eyes, and remember that day that we were fused down to our very souls.”
Tears started to leak from her eyes. “I’m so happy you ended up being my Chat.”
“And I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have as my Lady.”
She hummed in content, returning to his lips. It was the closest she could get to that sensation. She wrapped her arms around him, trying to savor his warmth, his scent…
Tongues teased and fingers roamed, as minutes passed.
A gentle tapping came on the glass window of the door. Adrien pressed his palm on it, in an attempt to block it out.
The tapping turned into a loud, threatening knock.
The couple broke apart and looked over to see three heads watching. The Gorilla, not amused, Nino sheepish, and Alya with a shit eating grin.
“Oops…” whispered Marinette.
“Busted!” Adrien giggled. “Hey, you want to come over? I couldn’t bare to be away from you.”
Just a simple sentence like that was powerful enough to make her heart stir. “Of course!”
He lowered her from the wall and opened the door.
“Looks like this akuma did some good, after all.” Alya sang.
“Oh I might have to thank Hawkmoth for this one.” Adrien smirked, resting his arm around her shoulders.
And you couldn’t pry him off with a crowbar.