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Tony's Little Black Book: Author's Favs

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The other collections included in this series are as follows:-

Tony's Little Black Book: The Original Collection (Complete)

Phase 2

The rest of phase 3 


 

Content Page for Tony's Little Black Book: Author's Fav 

  1. John Sheppard 3 (Stargate Atlantis) 
  2. Dean Winchester 3 - (Supernatural) -  Prequel for Special One in His Life & Down to Jericho
  3. Jack O'Neill 3 - (Stargate SG1) - Sequel to A Tale of Snakes and Politicians  
  4. Steve McGarrett 4 (Hawaii 5-0)
  5. Jack O'Neill 4 - (Stargate SG1) 
  6. Luke Hobbs 3- (Fast and Furious presents: Hobbs and Shaw) 
  7. Greg House 4 - (House M. D) 
  8. James Bond 3 - (James Bond - Craig Movies)

Names that are intended for this collection 

  • Jack O'Neill 
  • Steve McGarrett 
  • David Rossi 
  • Aaron Hotchner 
  • Cal Lightman 
  • Chin Ho Kelly 
  • Cameron Mitchell 
  •  ... And a few more if muse hits 

Chapter Text

He'd read the report. He couldn't believe it. He was still digesting the words on the page. This had been one hell of a year, and definitely not what John had expected when he'd taken the Atlantis mission.

"John?" He could hear the alarm in Liz's voice. "Are you okay?" 

John nodded because he was okay. In fact, he was better than okay. He had the biggest grin on his face. He'd never thought he'd see the day that it would pass. He could finally acknowledge his lover. He'd known that in the Program that DADT was never enforced but he had enough enemies to know that being discrete was the only way he could stay as commander. "I'm more than alright. You know when we have to report to the IOA?"

"Yeah."

She didn't understand why he was so happy with the idea. She usually had to drag him kicking and screaming to their quarterly review debriefs.

John bit his lip on the inside and debated the merits of what he was about to say but when it came down to it - he trusted Liz. She'd helped rehabilitate his career in ways he'd not even thought possible. He was more than aware of some of the fouler gossip about the pair but paid it no mind. Liz was an awesome woman but he was gay so it just wouldn't work. "Do you mind if someone else is your security for the one evening? I'd like to surprise my partner."

She sucked in a breath, realising just what he was implying. She had a huge smile on her face. "Yeah, Colonel. That will be fine. Does he know about the promotion?"

John shook his head and decided to share a little more. "He was resigned to leaves, warming me up as I waited out my time until retirement."

She grinned crookedly. "I say you visit him in your Dress Blues."

John chuckled but the idea appealed to him. "Oh, that would certainly cause a stir." 

"Why?" 

"He’s a federal agent who works for NCIS." John explained. He'd get a kick out of it and Tony was trained enough to take out any homophobe. He'd shout his love for John from the rooftops but he'd never willingly jeopardise John's career - in Tony's words. 

She had an impish grin. "Mind some company when you visit?"

John snorted. "Sure. He'd love to meet the woman who got me out of the Antarctic even if it is for some secret mission. His words, not mine."

She'd loved the fact that John would willingly confide these things. It was one of the disadvantages to leadership - her and John had the loneliest positions on Atlantis. If her Military Commander had managed to find someone then it gave her hope. 

What she didn't know was John was actually playing matchmaker. After all, Liz's hair did have a red tint and her personality was very easily described as feisty. 

~*~

Sheppard was pouting. He hated commuting around Washington. He'd been spoiled by the puddle jumpers. Plus, he'd never been fond of being chauffeured, even as a kid. The debriefs had been long and tedious as you would expect. Still, the only good news was they were now heading to the Navy Yard. 

Liz was smirking at his jiggling knee. "I never thought I'd see the day you were antsy."

John sighed. "I've known Tony since I was five. We only figured out the thing between us two years ago ... and we couldn't admit it. He point blank refuses to allow any discussion of our relationship - not wanting to risk my career."

"What about his own?" Liz asked with curiosity because whilst there no official policies like DADT, she was well aware that law enforcement was not the most tolerant of sectors.  

John smiled. "He has a knack of landing on his feet and the money to take a while if he needed to figure out what he wants to do next. His words, not mine."

Elizabeth held a file in her hand. It was one she'd asked for after her earlier conversation with John. She hadn't explained why but Tony had a unique set of skills that would make him well suited to Atlantis. She needed a deputy who could run investigations rather than pulling John or one of the marines to do the job. Added to that fact, that John was a mission essential peerless asset that now had a tie to Earth - it was in the IOA's best interests to bow to her request. She had yet to let John know this bit though. She wanted to see if they were so serious - long distance relationships sometimes worked because of the distance. 

~*~

Tony answered his phone, surprised to see John’s number. He played it coy with a simple question of, "What's up?" 

John smirked. "Look up."

Tony's head whipped up super quick. There was John, standing on the upper level that overlooked the bullpen.  Damn, did he look good . He couldn't believe that John was actually here. 

Tony knew he had an audience but his man was here, in dress blues, looking like something out of a movie. He would happily be Debra Winger to his Richard Gere. He walked towards his lover, standing so they were close but not touching - Tony still wasn't sure this wasn't a dream. John was so sure that he would not have any leave to see Tony for another two months. 

"Looking good, Johnnie. What are you doing here?" Tony asked in a calmer tone than he felt. He had the feeling this visit was going to change things. He knew all about the DADT repeal and he knew John had never believed the day would come.  

John smirked. "This."

And the son of a bitch dipped him like he was a Hollywood starlet. Tony was too busy kissing him back, and grinning into the kiss, to truly reprimand him. 

"DiNozzo! What the hell are you playing at?!?!"

Tony reluctantly pulled himself up and turned around to face Gibbs but notably didn't pull himself out of John's personal space. "I was greeting my lover who has been stationed overseas. What does it look like?" 

John snorted. "Yeah, and we need to talk somewhere a lot more private."

Tony narrowed his eyes. "Are you the reason my security clearance got reviewed yesterday and raised?" 

John nodded and didn't look sheepish, or sorry. "I think that was Dr Weir but yeah, probably."

"DiNozzo, you going to introduce us?" Gibbs asked, radiating annoyance at not being in control of the situation. 

Tony looked relaxed and calm though. "Well, boss, this is my partner Lt Colonel John Sheppard, and his boss, Dr Weir. And they've surprised me."

"We had a debriefing in town and I know you love surprises." John said like that was enough of an explanation. 

Weir took over though, in her element. "Whereas I do have something to discuss with you but it is for your ears only. Sorry, Agent Gibbs, but I need to steal your agent to discuss a few things."

Tony had to admire her style. She made it clear that Tony was coming with her, and that it wasn’t a request but still sincere enough that she didn’t rile him up. Then again, she was a redhead and it was Gibbs. “Follow me to the conference room, Dr Weir, John.”

Dr Weir turned back toward Agent Gibbs. “You should know our project is so classified that the President will throw anyone into Gitmo for unauthorised breaches of the servers.”

Gibbs' eyes widened as that was a big deal and he understood the information for the threat it was, and he could only hope McGee and Abby listened to his order. It would be fifty-fifty when it came to finding something about Tony. 

~*~

Tony had shrugged off the MCRT, in fact, he'd just blanked them in favour of finding a conference room. He led his two guests into the room and waved off any inquisitive colleagues with a wave of his hands. 

"This is as private as I can make it but if you have any tech available then it might be prudent to utilise it," Tony said by way of opening as soon as the door was closed.

John chuckled and fiddled with a weird stone in his pocket. "You're right. Who do you suspect of being the nosiest?"

"The entire MCRT and Abby Scuito." Tony said simply. He was under no illusion that they would be unable to afford him any type of privacy. They seemed to think he should surrender his private life - on the grounds of supposed friendship but then treat him like he was shit. 

It might have succeeded but John had come back into his life. He’d been the one to keep him on an even keel, even if it was a travelling-soldier-style relationship. “We can speak freely.”

Liz nodded, pleased to be able to get to the good stuff. “I have a job offer for you. Now there are some things to be aware of before you say anything.”

“Go on.”

“Well, I need a deputy leader for my mission. Should you accept, you should be prepared to be out of contact for a year at a time.” She started to explain.

“When do I get to the secret decoder ring and just how big is the NDA for this project?”

Sheppard looked sheepish. “It will take an hour to go through the NDA.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Perfect. So what is the big secret? Aliens or weapons?” 

Tony was thinking of the two things that would freak the American people out the most if it were revealed and he was only partly being sarcastic.

Weir twisted her lips into a wry smile. “What if I said both?” 

Tony looked to John and could see his tense expression and he knew there and then that was serious and real. Jesus, what a thing. His eyes widened with wonder at the possibilities before him “Let me sign this NDA and then I want you to tell me everything.” 

Chapter Text

Prequel for Special One in His Life & Down to Jericho


 

Dean didn’t usually do this but Tony was hot as fuck and he needed the distraction. He had no problem with the cliche of the alleyway when it helped him get his rocks off. He could guess John Winchester would have a thing or two to say about it - but Dean was done listening to the man.

All the bleak thoughts he had about his family disappeared as his back slammed into the wall, and he just grunted as his lips never left Tony’s neck. His hands were roving trying to slip inside the man's jeans. “Come on.”

Tony broke off his kiss. “I’ll get you there.”

But, the screech would have been enough to kill any lust, and the bone-deep ugly mask didn’t help. Dean didn’t think, he gutted her with “What the fuck was that?”

Dean was laughing, not exhausted funny laughing but full belly laughter. Wow, he knew Tony was special but what a human. “Do you know you are sexy enough that you just beat a succubus, who was using full thrall?”

Tony quirked an eyebrow in confusion. “That thing is a succubus?”

Dean shrugged. “Oh yeah, meet one of Lillith’s children. The vicious bitch obviously didn’t like the fact that I turned her down in favour of you.”

“So that is a sex-demon?” Tony asked, as his mind raced to catch up with what he’d been told. He’d liked to have denied it, but one minute he’s about to get down and dirty and the next thing - he has Freddie Kruger’s uglier sister coming after him.

Dean looked at him curiously and there seemed to be hope in the guy’s eyes. “So you seem to be quite accepting of what I just said.”

Tony snorted, his world perception was a little different after hunting the Mob in Philly. “I’ve just come off a crazy assignment so I am willing to risk having an open mind.”

Dean who was still revved. “So what do you say we salt and burn this hell skank and find a hotel room?”

“You’re still thinking about sex after that?” Tony asked in bemusement. He was a sexual man himself but that had definitely doused his arousal real quick.

Dean was pouting at him. “Well, yeah, hunting revs me up. Plus you’re hot and so am I, and this seems like an easy equation to me. Only we can’t leave this to be found by anyone else.”

Tony had only been in Baltimore long enough to find his new apartment and accept a job with the local PD department. “Sure, why not? But let’s go back to mine. Motels are not always discrete in a city like this.”

Dean nodded and was glad for the forethought. “So. Let’s get moving.”

Dean didn’t think he’d ever done a salt and burn as quickly. Then again, he’d not had the offer of a night with a man as hot as the young detective. Things were looking up, and he could always find a new hunting partner tomorrow.

 

~*~

Only the one night stand, became two nights and then three. Tony was horrified when Dean explained that he was living motel to motel. “You what?”

“Hey, I’m used to it, and that is the job.” Dean said pointedly.

Tony glared at him but Dean was being as obtuse as he was handsome. “Don’t be dense, Dean.”

Dean wasn’t being dense he just didn’t see what else he could do. “So what do you suggest?”

Tony smirked. “Use here as a home base. You look suspicious as hell on paper when you roam. You will have a home base with a detective.”

“And if people are homophobic bastards with you as a result?” Dean asked. He didn’t care about it himself. It was just law enforcement wasn’t the most enlightened place to work even if things were changing slowly.

Tony shrugged. “Then that is my issue to deal with and I do carry a gun and a knife now at your insistence.”

Dean had pointed out a silver blade wasn’t too obvious and should he stumble over something like the incubus again then Tony wouldn’t be caught short. “You’ll get sick of me, everyone does.”

Tony bit down his anger, and if he ever saw John Winchester the man was getting a fist to the face at the very least. “Let me decide that and hey, I fought a succubus for you.”

Dean reeled him in for a kiss. “I know, it gets me hot every time I think about it.”

~*~

Tony had been surprised to see his old piano teacher. She was still hot in that sexy-teacher way. It was a rough case and she was flirting with him pretty hard. He was being polite but he wasn’t interested. Dean had said he was coming back today as he’d finished up his case.

Wendy huffed at him. “You could have said you were seeing someone.”

Tony smiled, he didn’t know it but it was that of a man in love. “I am, it’s pretty new but De’ is the best.”

She looked annoyed but managed to be magnanimous enough to say. “She must be quite something.”

Tony didn’t bother to correct the gender assumption. “There is no one like De’ in this world.”

“Well, I hope you’re happy together.”

It was early days and there were issues that they needed to figure out. Tony was willing to try though and that was the main thing.

~*~

Tony came back to the apartment and a very sweet car was in the lot. Best of all, there was a very sweet and familiar ass hanging over the bonnet. He found himself smiling as he said. “You having fun there?”

“About as much fun as you staring at my ass.” Dean replied without taking his eyes off his engine.

Tony snorted but didn’t deny it. “So a lot then.” He was really glad that Dean was back from his case. It had been a vengeful spirit that was offing high-school jocks.

Dean turned his head so that he could finally see Tony. “Good to see you too, Darlin’.”

Dean was still getting used to the fact that he was no longer constantly travelling with his family. His Uncle Bobby was a legend in the business. He was a hunter, who more importantly was connected and willing to stand up to John Winchester, and there were not many who were willing to do that. What he’d found was he was feeling freer now that he wasn’t trying to jump to every demand of his father, who took and took and gave very little affection back. It was relaxing now he wasn’t having to break up fight after fight between his Dad and his brother. Most of all, he was starting to realise who Dean Winchester was as his own person.

Tony helped Dean pack up his tools and they both made their way back up to their apartment. It might have only been a week but they’d spoken everyday by phone through messages as well as conversations.

~*~

It was over dinner that night that Tony broached a topic. He’d been scared by what would happen if he was found doing something suspicious. He knew his lover was a consummate actor but he shouldn’t have to be. He already had a risky enough job without running the risk of running foul of the law at the same time.

“You know, being a cop has many of the same skills as a hunter. You would also be able to operate legitimately.”

Dean dropped his fork. “How would that work?”

“Well, you apply. You have the minimal qualifications needed ... You will ace the fitness test and you know it. You have nothing on your record thankfully so you’re good to go. If you want, that is.” Tony finished. This needed to be Dean’s choice, not his - it was a suggestion of a way to channel his protective instincts.

Dean had looked at it. He was curious but dismissed it, to begin with feeling like he’d not pass the background check. “How do I explain my family history away. It’ll be a quack’s dream to unpick.”

Tony winced as that was going to be the hardest part and no one liked to bare their soul before another human being they didn’t trust. “You offer a superficial explanation. Your Dad couldn’t handle your mother’s death and dragged you around the country. You don’t explain why. You hated the instability and you made sure that you got your GED and now want to help others.”

Dean bit his lip. “What about us?”

Tony was glad dinner was over because he realised Dean thought this was his way of kicking him out. He pulled Dean over to the couch and enveloped him in a hug. “Anyone at work asks, I love my De’ with all my heart - so pretty and patient with my sorry ass.”

Tony got the fiery response he expected. He was suddenly on his back facing a pouting lover who looked gorgeous. “Asshole.”

Tony was unrepentant. “Your asshole.”

Dean kissed him and pulled back with a smug grin. “That okay, my Toni is a sweet ass Italian who does great things with popping candy.”

Tony growled because he did, and it was a great trick he’d learned and was only too happy to share with Dean as it turned him into a puddle of goo.

~*~

A year later and Dean was now a Baltimore cop who took regionally close hunts that Bobby sent his way. He kept the city in check and learned that there were more than a few monster communities in the city. He’d realised that not all monsters needed ganking. He’d adopted a live and let live policy. If the person wasn’t harming humans they were okay in his book - if they did, all bets were off.

He’d found that Tony wasn’t content to let him hunt in the city and went with him. He’d picked up a few extra tricks with Dean’s street fighting and together they were able to gank the ghost and the other creatures that went bump in the night.

Dean loved the fact that he could mentor Tony in the ways of hunting as it was a nice balance to Tony advising him on being a cop. He figured it was the balance that kept them together, that and the fact they were smoking hot.  

What Dean hadn’t expected was to see Tony sitting on their couch looking so small, and lost. “Babe?”

Tony looked so sad right now that Dean had the irrational urge to shoot whoever made him feel that way. “Danny is dirty and Gibbs offered me a job as an agent with him at NCIS.”

Dean smirked at Tony because he knew just how to get him out of the funk. “You’re going to become a Fed?”

Tony pouted. “So will that make me less hot to you?”

Dean shook his head. “Nah, I’d still take you over a succubus,” he replied airily.

Tony pulled him onto his lap. “You’re mine, Officer Winchester.”

Dean wrestled him into a filthy kiss. “Just as you’re mine, soon-to-be Special Agent DiNozzo.”

And he was. Tony might not have taken Dean’s soul on their first encounter but he did steal his heart. Still, he offered a fair exchange as he’d given his own in return.


Chapter Text

Tony was furious. No, he was way past furious and right now he didn’t know what he was going to do. He had options. He always had - but the idea of Kate’s killer being allowed to stay at NCIS and sit at her desk ... it had him seeing red in a way he hadn’t felt before. He wanted vengeance in a way unbecoming of a federal agent.

He slammed the door to their townhouse. “Woah. What the hell, Tony? You look like me after a mission’s gone bad.”

Tony looked up and managed a weak smile. “The stupid bitch is letting a Mossad Agent work as a liaison officer on the MCRT. It’s so messed up, Jack.”

“Well, that’s stupid on an IOA level.”

Tony laughed at that because for Jack, there wasn’t a group he hated more than them. They continuously tried to give the couple a hard time. Tony apparently should have allowed himself to be snaked when Ba’al had attacked them.

It was meant to be a one night stand where Tony helped Jack get over his promotion. Only, the sex was fantastic, they worked great together. Oh, and Jack had let Tony look through a mirror glass that he couldn’t ever take back.

“She profiled the team for Ari to take us out, and now I’m supposed to work with her.”

Jack sighed, pulling his lover onto the sofa. “You have choices in front of you.”

“I know, but at the moment all I see is a red mist.” Tony replied honestly. He felt himself relax in Jack’s arms but it didn’t change just how messed up the situation was for him.

Jack sighed. “Option One, come and work for Morrow and you’ll end up being the investigative agent for the programme.”

It had its appeal but Jack was now in Washington full time and the programme could see him spending six weeks travelling to Atlantis if he was needed. Still, the flip side was the work would always be original and never boring. “It has its appeal but it might be awkward considering our relationship, don’t you think?”

Jack smirked. “Not at all. We didn’t tolerate that type of shit before DADT got repealed and we definitely don’t now.”

Tony chuckled. “I guess if you’re homophobic then meeting alien races could be difficult.”

“You have no idea. We filtered out and any all potential candidates exhibiting any of the -ic’s, like homophobic or xenophobic. If they got through then they met my man Teal’c for an attitude adjustment.” Jack explained with a grin. His lover seemed calmer and he continued.

“Option two. I drop a word to the SecDef that I’m unhappy with the situation and mention my annoyance to the President.” Jack offered, although he wouldn’t do it without Tony’s agreement. He didn’t want Tony to feel like he was stepping on his toes.

Tony had to laugh at the picture forming in his head when the news filtered down to Davenport. “I can just imagine his head imploding. I’m not sure what will shock him more. You and me, or, the fact Mossad put a spy and an assassin on the MCRT.”

Jack smirked. “Oh, definitely us. The last option is you carry on and watch your back. I recommend Kevlar if you go with that option.”

Tony looked horrified with the idea that he would carry on without challenging the ridiculous situation. “Shepard is dreaming if she thinks I’ll just roll over and accept this.”

“So option one or two?” Jack asked.

Tony thought about it seriously. He’d been at NCIS longer than anywhere else but could he just leave? “Let me think on it. Tonight I want you to help me forget everything.”

Jack pulled him up. “On your feet, then.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“No rank.” Jack huffed. It was said as their private joke and if anyone had been in their apartment then they would have heard the laughter in between the kisses.

~*~

The next morning, Tony had been up and out before Jack woke up. His lover had given him the clarity and the perspective he’d needed. In the end, it came down to lines that one was willing to cross. He wasn’t willing to let this go and Jack’s position offered him the chance to intercede without repercussion.

Tony had left a note on the pillow saying. I choose one and two. Love, Tony.

Such a simple statement that could start a whole stack of problems tumbling.  He entered the bullpen and sat at his desk. The harridan was sitting in Kate’s chair looking smug.

He took a path of least resistance. It was best not to show he was a threat until the big reveal. It wouldn’t help matters.

“You seem calmer today,” she observed.

Tony just looked at her, raising an eyebrow and then returned back to his screen. “I had a good evening and now, if you don’t mind, I have paperwork.”

McGee looked surprised by his cool detachment but it was the best foot forward. Gibbs looked up and seemed to glare like he was trying to figure out whether Tony deserved a head-slap.

His method of dealing had two advantages. First of all, his paperwork was doing better than ever before and second of all, it had freaked out his team. Bonus.

He kept it up all week and Jack and he laughed about it over dinner every night.

~*~

It was Friday of Tony’s modern day cold war enactment. Today she tried to flirt with him and it was so bad. He was so sure that if he’d actually been interested that would put him off.

“Sorry, not interested. I’m in a serious relationship and I’m not going to risk it on a fling.”

McGee’s head shot up as this was the first he’d heard of it. “Since when?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Since just after you joined the team.”

He didn’t offer any more of an explanation but Gibbs had cocked his head to the side. Apart from the team, there had been one other visitor to Tony when he’d been dying of the plague. He’d dismissed it as a close friend who knew him, he had no idea it was biblically.  “O’Neill?”

Tony smirked. “What’s so shocking about that?”

Gibbs though, he knew what to say even if it would shock the others. “You’re dating a Zoomie?”

“What can I say?” Tony was looking at Jack with a grin. “I couldn’t resist his snark.”

“HE?!?!”

Ziva didn’t get it. She was trying to piece together what she knew. Her profile of DiNozzo had indicated a chauvinistic womaniser, not someone in a homosexual relationship. “A Zoomie?”

A new voice surprised them. “He means me.”

Tony whirled around. “Hey, what are you doing here? Have your marines misbehaved again?”

O’Neill shook his head. “No, if they upset me I ship them off to Sheppard. He likes the crazy ones, and if not they soon get their head put one straight.”

Tony snickered because Atlantis was one hell of a wake-up call. “I can imagine.”

“So?”

O’Neill grinned. “I need a date to the ball, and I refuse to be bored on my own. So ... I brought your tux. I’ll pick you up at six.”

Tony understood what was not being said. The fireworks would be today but the sneaky git had also ensured that he wouldn’t be bored at his engagement tonight. In truth, Tony didn’t mind supporting Jack in any way he could.

Jack left as quickly as he entered, showing the others that he was sneaky and Ziva looked perturbed. Good. Tony didn’t want her settled and thus having the potential of causing mischief.

Of course, McGee and Ziva were not done with their comments.

“You’re gay?” McGee said, the disbelief evident in his voice.

“It’s the twenty-first century, McFootinMouth, and the word you’re looking for is bisexual.”

Ziva shook her head. “No, this is a ploy.”

Tony snorted. “What would you know?”

“I.” She paused because what could she say that wouldn’t damn her.

Tony though pressed his advantage home. “You mean you told Haswari that I was a jaded womaniser not worth harming, I know.”

She flushed. “I had no idea he was a traitor.”

Tony cocked his head to the side. “Not my problem, we’re teammates now.”

Gibbs suddenly had the overwhelming urge to bash his head against a wall. He’d not seen Tony be this passive-aggressive since the days of Vivian and he’d been right about her too in the long run. He was sure his protege was up to something but had no idea what it was.

~*~

Davenport was their next visitor. Gibbs looked at Tony. “First your General and then the SecNav. We’re popular today.”

“So we are.” Tony offered without any inflexion, not wanting to give anyone a clue that he knew more than that.

“Gibbs - get up here.” Davenport demanded, not looking happy by the situation that was unravelling.

Tony kept on typing. Ziva glared at him. “What have you done?”

Tony shook his head. “Nothing. You’re the big bad Mossad agent who can kill me with a paperclip.”

“And don’t you forget it.” She said glaring fiercely at him. She was aiming for intimidating, he presumed, but it just came across as cartoonish. He blamed the ridiculous run-in with Ba’al for making him not respect villains.

Sheppard came out onto the mezzanine level looking pale and not so put together as normal. “Officer David. My office.”

Tony watched her go and didn’t let on his satisfaction.

“What’s going on?”

Tony shrugged, feigning cluelessness. “Who knows?”

Ziva tore down the stairs, fury in her eyes. All her plans were unravelling. There was no way she would be able to help Mossad from the counter-terrorism desk. “This was you.”

Tony snorted. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She went to slap him but he blocked her, as it was a move Kate had taught him. The irony was not lost to him. “Don’t be sore, go and do what you wanted. You weren’t a good fit for the MCRT no matter how you twisted things.”

She hissed. “It had all gone to plan.”

Tony was done playing games. He whispered in her ear a parting comment, a trump card if  you will. “Go - before I tell Daddy who really fired the bullet.”

She hissed something in Hebrew and stormed off. Tony just rolled his eyes and went back to his paperwork.

Gibbs wasn’t happy but seemed content to wait until they were in private to rip him a new one. Tony didn’t care.

~*~

Gibbs waited until Tony slipped away at the end of the day to change into the Tux to have a word with him.


“You shouldn’t have done that.”

Tony was concentrating on his shirt but didn’t ignore him. “Done what, Gibbs?”

“Go behind my back.”

Tony snorted. “No, you were blinded by her daddy issues. Now, I say this with all the respect in the world, You were dreaming if you were thought I’d sit by and swallow the report you gave in. I can calculate trajectories in my head for crying out loud.”

The last part suggested he’d spent too much time around Jack, as that was his favourite saying but also, Jack found that trick hot.

“She was trying to get out from Eli’s influence.”

Tony shook his head. “Look, I asked Jack his opinion. It’s not my fault he spoke to the President. Gibbs, ultimately, if nothing was wrong she wouldn’t have been removed. She was a foreign agent who had no right to be on the cases that involve our national security. You know this, in your mind. Let that rule but if you don’t like my choice ... It’s fine. I’m transferring anyway.”

Gibbs snarled. “You’ll leave my team when I say!”

Tony shook his head. “Nope, I’ll be leaving today for a new role with Homeland.”

Well, Home world Security but the devil was in the details and even offering the true department would be a bone for Gibbs to try and unpick.

Gibbs then sighed. “What happened, DiNozzo?”

Tony smiled softly. “I grew up. You’ve been a hard but fantastic boss so let’s not let it get soured at the end.”

As there was no one around them - there were no masks. “Why do I get a feeling that O’Neill has something to do with this.”

“He’s an Air Force General, not Homeland.” Tony reminded him.

“Just how did you two meet?”

Tony snorted. “He was sad that he got promoted and I helped him get over it.”

Gibbs knew there was more to the story than that. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that they were together. “I want to hear that story.”

Tony chuckled. “You can cook him your cowboy steaks when everything has calmed down.”

Gibbs nodded. “Go and get ready for your ball with your General.”

Tony smiled fondly. “Thanks, boss. He drives me nuts but I wouldn’t change a damn thing.”

Gibbs smiled back. “Good. That’s how you know you’ve got the real thing.”

And Tony did know. Together they fought anything that tried to come after Earth including the Wraith, the Goa’uld and the Ori. In between the end of the world battles they found time to get married. The President officiated because he wanted to for so many reasons and no-one was going to tell him ‘no’. Our two heroes came back from their honeymoon on Atlantis and built a hell of life together. Tony had no regrets about anything he’d done when he left NCIS and apart from cowboy steaks with Jethro and bar wings with Jimmy he never looked back even once.  

 

Chapter Text

The whole Five-O team knew that their leader had an other-half. Although it was an abstract idea as they’d never seen them.

Danny had confirmed that there were no pictures at Steve’s. Although that made sense considering up until very recently he’d been an active duty SEAL. If he did have a partner they could be a legitimate target. It wasn’t as if Steve hadn’t suffered it personally with Hesse targeting his old man.

Kono was curious. “So is it a man or a woman?”

Chin shrugged. “All I have is a first name, Tony.”

Kono and Danny thought about it but that was, in reality, a gender-neutral name - Toni or Tony.

Kono pouted. “That’s not enough to go on.”

“Well, you know they’ll be interesting if they’ve shacked up with the boss.” Chin offered with his usual calmness.

Danny snorted because he figured you should substitute the interesting with something more likely. “You mean crazy and slightly less law-abiding than they should be.”

The cousins shrugged because they knew the only way they were going to figure it out was to wait and meet the mysterious person.

~*~

The room was damp and sparse when Tony woke up. Damn. His head hurt. He’d been chloroformed somewhere along the way.

He’d been given a mattress at least. So as far as he knew he had no enemies on Hawaii so he was guessing this was one of Steve’s. He had his jacket taken and his shoes, as well as his belt buckle. That was cool - he still had one left.

Amateurs

He figured that Steve would know he’d been snatched soon enough and he didn’t want his lover to worry. He’d already lost his Dad last month, Tony wasn’t about to let himself be added to the list if he could.

He wondered who he was currently the guest of - whoever they are their accommodation sucked. He faked a groan and rolled over. Awesome. The mattress was threadbare - he was going to get his MacGyver on.

~*~

Victor Hesse had survived by the luck of the devil. That didn’t mean he was going to forgive and forget. He owed Steve McGarrett a bullet to the brain. He’d snatched his bit on the side from the airport. It was easy but he was more than just a pretty boy. He’d been impressed by the two guns and three knives on his personage.

Victor was smart enough to just dump him in a locked room. He had no intention of offing the Federal Agent who was so highly ranked in his own agency. It could start a much more intense manhunt than the one Naval Intelligence was already pursuing. He’d never be able to get any more work ever again.

“I can’t decide if he is an idiot or mercenary.”

“Boss?”

Victor sighed because he’d hired a crew but they were hardly fighting each other for brain cells. “The agent, by all accounts, is a clown who skates by on his charm.”

Henchman One snorted. “I can be charming with two guns and three knives.”

Victor looked at the camera. “That is what bothers me, I can’t predict his actions and that makes him a wildcard. I hate wildcards - they always fuck everything up.”

“Well, he is locked up - How much harm can he do?”

~*~

Steve growled into his phone. “Victor I am going to gut you, you spineless bastard.”

Danny raced into Steve’s part of the offices. He was signalling Chin and Kono to start traces and recordings.

“If you harm a hair on Tony’s head...” Steve broke off but Danny couldn’t hear what the threat was uttered by Victor.

Danny saw Steve start to pace. “Hey, soldier boy, quit pacing and tell me what the hell is going on.”

Steve’s face was still set to stony but worringly didn’t correct Danny about the difference between army and Navy. Danny knew that face - it usually involved explosives. “Hesse has taken Tony. He wants me to meet him to get Tony back.”

“Yeah, that’s suicide.” Danny concluded. “He’ll shoot you, that it is too obvious.”

“I’m not stupid, Danno. I need a plan but we need to find Tony.” Steve said, his voice betraying his urgency. He sighed. “I’m gonna call, Gibbs.”

~*~

Gibbs was in the office when he took the call. It was a phone number that Tony had given to him to be used should he ever be in trouble.

“Gibbs.”

The other voice was not Tony but a male. “This is Lt Commander Steven McGarrett, Leader of Five-O in Hawaii.”

Gibbs remembered the name, he’d made the news and Gibbs had been wistful at the idea of being able to go after anyone with full means and immunity. “What can I do for you? And where is my SFA?”

“That’s the problem. He’s been snatched by Victor Hesse as he landed in Hawaii.”

Gibbs stood up because now the man had his attention. “The team has downtime.”

“I know and Tony wanted to visit me. Hesse has just made contact and wants an exchange.” McGarrett explained.

Gibbs looked around his empty area and sighed. “Does full means include a plane?”

“There’ll be a chartered plane ready for you.” McGarrett promised him.

“Good. I’ll grab my rifle.” Gibbs ended the call. He had a plane to catch. DiNozzo had better remember that he had standing orders not to die.

~*~

Tony had no idea what forces had been mustered to help with his retrieval. He was always of the school of start a plan and if backup arrives then great. He wasn’t going to wait for anyone though. He’d used his one knife to unpick a few of the coils. He’d fooled the camera with some dry humping of the mattress.

He figured the free show would distract them from him picking the coils. The noise would also cover the actions. He groaned Steve’s name for good measure, figuring if they were Steve’s enemies it would probably enrage them.

The door opened and he got a kick to the leg. He groaned. “Hey, what gives?”

“Ah, you’ve awoken. Excellent.” His captor announced like he was truly pleased. Tony hoped there never came a day he understood psychos.

“Not the Ritz.”

Hesse tilted his head. “Well, your boyfriend chucking me off a ship meant I can’t do nice things anymore.”

Tony frowned, playing dumb. “I figured that was you being an international criminal and killing his father.”

Hesse snorted, “You know, some might think us equal that he killed my brother and I killed his father but I am a petty bastard.”

Tony smirked. “Recognising your flaws is the first step to fixing them.”

He guessed by the smack to his jaw, Hesse wasn’t ready to take that action. “Ow. You could have just said you’re not ready.”

“Christ, you’re too mouthy for your own good. How does McGarrett put up with you?”

Tony knew if he was homophobic then this next comment might provoke him but it would be worth it. “Like you said ... I’m mouthy.” His salacious grin would feel any blanks in.

Hesse went to smack him again and that was when Tony struck. He used the spring to impale Hesse’s hand. As he was shocked by the surprise attack, he used his knife to get his leg. It was an arterial cut so Hesse would need to focus on getting a tourniquet.

“Thanks for your hospitality but I am outta here.”

Tony was out of the room but that didn’t mean he was out of danger. He needed to find weapons, his knife was good and all but he would prefer a gun.

~*~

Chin poked his head up. “There’s an explosion in a warehouse downtown.”

Steve froze for a second. “Where?”

Chin pinpointed it on the map. “Right here.”

Steve was torn between doing what was right and what he wanted to do.  He should probably wait for Gibbs but if this was Tony making his escape attempt he wasn’t going to wait.

“Danno and I are heading there, grab Gibbs and make your way there. Kono, get up high and take any shot you need.”

“Yes, boss.”

~*~

Tony heard a door being knocked in and paused for a second. It was all he could afford but he wasn’t going to shoot the cavalry. He wanted to cry with relief because he had cavalry. “Steve.”

Steve was there in full gear. “Any more left?”

Tony shook his head. “No, I made a mess. Hesse is in a bedroom back that way if he hasn’t bled out.”

Steve’s smirk spoke volumes. “Bled out?”

“It’s true what the say, psychos just can’t keep hold of the blood when stabbed in the femoral artery.”

Steve didn’t care for professionalism, he kissed Tony fiercely. He was entitled to a moment because today has scared the shit out of him. “You stabbed Hesse?”

Tony shrugged. “He smacked me when I suggested we enjoyed our love life. He was threatening to kill me to make you suffer, or he was building up to that. So I took the opportunity to jab the bed coil into his hand.”

“Bed spring?” Danny asked, trying to figure out his best friends other-half, Tony, who now had Steve’s arm wrapped around his waist and keeping him upright. “Well, they took my two guns and found three knives so I only had one knife left and needed a surprise. So I teased out the bed springs.”

Danny shook his head. “And why do you need four knives and two guns?”

Tony looked sheepish. “I’d shake your hand but it seems Steve is in caveman mode. I’m Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS.”

Danny groaned. “So you a regular little science geek?”

Tony shook his head and laughed. “No, I leave that Steve. Me, I just tried something I saw on MacGyver.”

Danny looked at Steve to see if he was joking. It was clear from Steve’s dopey grin that no, he wasn’t. Danny started to groan. “I needed back up and you’re just going to encourage him.”

Tony frowned and was confused and needed a checkup. “Look, I am not sure. Can someone please let me know if Hesse is still alive and then I need a checkup to make sure the crap he gave me hasn’t hurt my lungs.”

Gibbs, Kono and Chin had arrived. “DiNozzo, nice work.”

Tony looked surprised for a second and then there was a massive grin. “I was aiming for a nice relaxing break. It is not my fault the psycho abducted me.”

“Well, you just took down the number three on the wall. Just think how much fun you’ll have letting McGee and David know that?”

Tony coughed a little but it was clearly a thought that pleased him. “Please stay, boss, and have a break. I really did want to have a week with Steve.”

Gibbs rolled his eyes. “Sort this out and take a week with your boyfriend. I think I’ll take a look at the sailing.”

~*~

Danny, and the others, had wondered for a while what Steve’s partner would be like. They didn’t imagine it would be strong Federal Agent, with movie-good looks and a penchant for sharp suits.

He was terrifyingly efficient when he wanted to be - just like Steve. And yet, he had the ability to relax and have fun. Danny got to see what Steve was like he was relaxed and wanting to have fun.

There was one change though, as the team were not adjusting to their leader having a boyfriend but rather a fiance. It was the big change as Tony and Gibbs went back to DC, overseeing the transfer of Victor Hesse who was still recovering and looking decidedly pale.

Gibbs let him talk the whole way back as Hesse hated every minute but because he was a kind person he’d had it recorded and sent back to Steve so McGarrett could enjoy the show.

It was so good the Five-O team watched it with popcorn.

Chapter Text

Right now, Jack was regretting his life choices. No, that’s not quite right. He’d lived his life - good and bad - and still made it to General. He was not the only one surprised by that in Washington.

He wished he hadn’t accepted the date tonight. Senator Evelyn Collins was a lovely if a somewhat vapid woman, Jack had come to discover over the course of two meals. 

“You can’t think it is justified.” She replied, clearly horrified by his opinion.

Jack was just staring in disbelief. The only reason why he wasn’t faking an emergency was because he deserved some pudding for this car crash date. “Listen, Evie. You are the ones who decide to go to war. I’m just the guy you expect to run it.”

She seemed aggrieved by his answer but her manners kicked in. She stood up primly. “I am going to powder my nose.”

He didn’t offer any response, just grabbed the dessert menu. He looked at his phone and chose to message his aide for a thirty-minute exit excuse phone call. As he put his phone in his pocket, he caught goon one coming down the stairs.

The Ritz was normally too classy for a guy with a small machine gun - and what the hell was security doing? Napping? Jack had no more time for complaining as there was a second goon. He had about thirty seconds before this ended in bodies. He upended the table to act as a shield. 

However, he was surprised when he was beaten to warning the crowds. There was a single shot that was deliberately embedded in the ceiling. “ Federal Agent! Everybody down! ”  

That helped. Jack shot at goon one over the table. He used the cover fire from the federal agent to take out the first one. He got a saucy grin but there was no time to flirt. They still had at least one more goon. 

Jack had to snort at the way the agent shouted. “Hey Ugly!”

Goon Two actually looked and Jack considered it was his civic duty to kill his ass. He was just lowering the class of assassins. 

In the end, it was unclear what killed the assassin, whether it would be his bullet or the knife to the eye. 

Jack looked askance at the agent. “What? A bullet too easy?” 

The Fed smirked at him. “I was outta bullets, General.”

“You know me?” Jack asked because he was sure he would have remembered the cute sarcastic agent. 

The Fed smirked. “I do, General, and I’m Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS.”

Jack looked at the two bodies. “So were they after me or you?” 

Tony snorted. “So you make friends as well as I do?”

Jack shrugged. “I have no idea what their problem is because I am awesome.”

Tony had a wicked smirk as he plucked the phone out of the guy’s front pocket. He may have been in casual clothes but he still had his gun, cuffs and a pair of forensic gloves. 

“And the winner is ... You.”

Jack sighed as he had been wanting to get out of his date but this seemed extreme. He was just glad he had back up as there was no doubt in his mind someone would have died before he could take them out. “And goon one?”

Tony snickered at that. “And that one is for me, Dr Seuss.”

Jack heard a scream and there was his date returned from the toilets. She screamed at the dead bodies. He groaned. “Ah hell.”

Tony took pity. “Bad date?”

“The worst.”

Tony patted him on the shoulder. “Phone it in and I’ll get rid of her.”

“Careful. She is a senator.” Jack warned. He knew better after the goa’uld but he was still a man with needs.

There was a carefree grin he got in return that had him shaking his head. “I can be as charming as I need to be, General.”

Jack was too old not to recognise flirting. He was so glad DADT was a thing of the past too. “Well, if you charm like you can party, I’m going to be entertained.”

Tony didn’t reply but his salacious grin promised everything if only the General was willing to take him up on the offer. “I just know this is going to be a headache.”

Major Davies had appeared, and so had Gibbs at the same time.

“DiNozzo!”

“General!”

The two men shared a smirk and a roll of the eyes. There was no point in worrying now and Jack, being the one with stars on his collar, offered the sass. “You know... everyone is dead now, so quit worrying.”

Davies looked at both and grimaced. “Seems there is a Trust issue at the moment.”

Jack cocked his head to the side. “That is interesting as goon two was after me, but one was after Agent DiNozzo.”

Gibbs interjected. “What have you done to upset shady types today, DiNozzo?”

Tony shrugged. “Breathed, went for a check-up with Brad for my lungs and then decided I really needed a drink having refereed between Ziva and McGee for too long today, boss.”

Jack recognised that tone. It was the same one he had when he had to previously babysit annoying nuggets. “Well, Agent. You will get to join the cool club. We need to know why the goons wanted you. Wait. Tests? Blood?”

Tony frowned as he was pretty sure that was a standard procedure. “Yeah.”

Jack groaned. “Want a bet?”

Davies chuckled. “Not on your life, General. I wonder how strong.”

Tony was getting a little aggrieved at the conversation and was tired and cranky from having taken out bad guys. “Look. What did the goons want, and am I going to get a decoder ring on why my blood is so intriguing all of a sudden?”

Davies was messing on his tablet and Gibbs was peering at the body with the knife in the eye. He was proud. “Nice throw, Tony.”

Tony was shocked by the praise and shrugged, trying to play it cool at the rare compliment. “I was outta bullets but I never forget rule 9. Plus, you know, what is the point of a knife if you can’t use it.” 

Now, O’Neill and Davies were paying attention. “I thought you were a Fed.”

Tony flashed his badge and so did Gibbs. “He’s Special Agent Jethro Gibbs and as a marine insisted his team was trained to a higher standard.”

Jack had a new plan and it was one that warmed his heart. “I have a group of people who are trying to subvert American defence and security. I can’t nail the bastards so can’t eradicate the problem. I could use some investigators and the fact you have skills doesn’t hurt.”

Tony pouted because he really wanted a date not a job offer. 

Gibbs frowned. “What about the other members of my team?”

Davies had been investigating. “Nope, they won’t pass the security screen and your clearances due to your previous work are stupidly high - which helps.”

Tony and Gibbs had both been around clandestine work long enough to know what was happening here with the language they were hearing. Tony was the one to groan and ask. “How big is the NDA?”

“Huge. 77 pages, I think, at last count.”

Davies shook his head. “No, sir, it is now 85 ... you’re forgetting Sheppard’s crew.”

Jack snorted. “Not likely. Sign it, you go down a rabbit hole but it’s worth the ride.”

Tony tilted his head. “So - red pill time. You got a pen?”

Davies frowned. “You should read it.”

Tony and Gibbs rolled their eyes as it wasn’t their first rodeo. “Wait, let me guess. This is a super-duper top-secret programme and if I utter any type of word about it I will disappear into a deep dark black hole never to see the light again.”

Jack chuckled. “I like that, I’m going to use that next time. They are pros, Major.”

Gibbs trusted his second and signed. Besides, he was curious about O’Neill’s project just like everyone else. “He’s right.”

He looked around the bar and noticed military BDU’s all around clearing up the place. He got the feeling that if he came back three hours from now - it would be like nothing ever happened. “So are we going to go somewhere to discuss the issue at large?” 

O’Neill took one last look around the place. “Yeah, we don’t keep the knife.”

Tony looked relieved at being able to take back his knife. Jack knew the type, marines felt naked without at least one knife. He walked over and wiped it clean on a table cloth before spiriting it back on his clothes. 

Jack didn’t say anything but so far DiNozzo was hitting every one of his kinks. “Let’s go and talk in my office.”

So that was how Gibbs and Tony found out about aliens at 9 in the evening. O’Neill offered them any and all resources they needed if they could break the Trust problem. 

Tony waited until the others left before he said it. “You know I wanted a date, not a job.”

Jack smirked. “Darlin, I know how to mix business with pleasure but we need the Trust gone or we’ll never have a date that goes uninterrupted. Just think about tonight.”

Tony leaned over the desk. “You got yourself a deal.”

Jack shook his head and wondered if he knew what he was getting himself into because the agent was still fifteen years younger. Still, he had to explain this to the President and tell NCIS he’d stolen two of their assets and he might give them back. Maybe. 

~*~

Gibbs was being walked through the mountain along with Tony by a Colonel Mitchell. “So personnel turnover - how long are they monitored?”

Cameron frowned. “They have the exit interview and then the NID takes over if they’re considered a threat.”

Tony asked a simple question. “Aren’t they the mole infested agency?”

Cameron stopped short as he considered that point. “Yeah, but it was mandated by the IOA.”

Gibbs shared a look with Tony. “We’re going to need their files too.”

Cameron wondered just what they were looking for but this was what they were experts in. “Okie dokie.”

~*~

Tony sneered as he put Senator Kinsey on the board. “Who is his backer, yeah, he has power but no money. You don’t get an outfit like this without money.” 

Gibbs added three questions to the board - Money? Power? Influence?

Tony chuckled. “We do have a shitty trifecta, don’t we?”

Gibbs shrugged. “We will find them. Otherwise we will be stuck in this mountain.”

Tony was frustrated. “Let’s go and spar? We need to think and this room is stifling my brain.”

Gibbs chuckled. “Okay, slugger, but don’t hold back here like at HQ.”

Tony tilted his head to the side. It was a series of unusual events. First Gibbs complimented and then reminded him he knew Tony used masks. “Okay, boss.”

Maybe this case would be good for more than one reason.

~*~

They twisted and turned and landed a few punches but most they pulled back calling a score as they went. Cameron and Teal’c were heading to train and stopped to watch the show. 

Teal’c was tilting his head to the side. “The older one is a warrior.”

“And the younger one?” Cameron asked as he’d been around the pair of NCIS agents and still couldn’t get a solid read on them. 

“He will surprise you, and win every time.”

Cameron stopped cold. “What makes you say that?”

Teal’c offered his insight. “What form is he using?”

Cameron watched critically. “Judo, Krav Maga, that one’s a cop move, not sure on that one. Kickboxer?”

Teal’c nodded in his usual implacable way. “Exactly. He is a survivor and adaptable, whereas most of you all favour one form.”

Cameron knew there was a lesson in that - one he would have to write up into a proposal. The galaxy was a mean ass place to make war so any way to help survive it would be done. 

~*~

Davies was writing up the minutes to O’Neill’s and Landry’s satellite call. He was glad that he just knew to transcribe the speech and offer no analysis as it would be hysterical.

“Who did you send me?” Landry asked O’Neill with suspicion, it was the same as every time he got a crazy marine due to cycle to Atlantis.

O’Neill was playing it coy but could guess the two had unintentionally shaken things up. “Two of NCIS’ best. Why, Hank?”

Landry shook his head in disbelief. “They have made more progress on the Trust in a week than our brainboxes did in a year.”

Jack smirked. “What else, Hank?”

“Mitchell has rewritten the training schedules because he wants our marines to be less breakable.”

Jack chuckled. “And would be that because of Gibbs or DiNozzo?”

“Not sure. Teal’c said Gibbs was a warrior and DiNozzo was a survivor.” Landry replied.

“Well, frak me.” It was rare for the big guy to be impressed, he very rarely went above passable for new recruits.

Landry was smart enough not to say anything. “Any more warnings?”

“Have they gone to the shooting range?”

Landry shook his head. “No.”

“Then expect a few more soldiers to get broken.”

“Why?” Landry had to ask, at least, he was aiming for a heads up.

“Gibbs holds the marine shooting records.” Davies interjected.

“Which ones?” Landry knew the Air-Force holders but not Marine.

O’Neill snorted. “All the ones that matter and he makes sure all his team are to his exact standards.”

 

~*~

Two weeks later, five spars, and three shooting matches after they were aware of the stargate. Tony slapped the file on Landry’s desk. “Can we go arrest them?”

Landry looked at the evidence. “Yes, yes you can. There will be cameras at Kinsey’s.”

“We’ll go and arrest Mr Simon.”

Tony had more plans than that and it would mean he needed to head to DC and Kinsey, right now, was in California. 

Tony waltzed into Jack’s office and managed to time it to Kinsey’s arrest on the news. “So how about that date?”

Jack grinned. “I’m in the mood for Italian.”

And Tony was more than okay with being the dessert that evening. 

Chapter Text

He blends. 

 

Hattie Shaw was the type of operator that Luke knew all too well. She was feisty, confident and adaptable in all circumstances and would have been just his type in normal circumstances. 

He was also certain that she wasn’t guilty of killing her entire team like the CIA was suggesting. What it meant, though, was he needed answers and fast. He couldn’t help if he was flailing in the dark as he didn’t have the full picture. 

When they’d fought she’d been using tactics to escape and not kill. She was using restraint where if she was a thief and a killer, as the world was painting her to be, it wouldn’t have been her first instinct. She would have tried to kill him as you don’t allow a threat to stay alive at your back. 

She wasn’t willing to be passive in this interrogation either, much to his amusement. She leant forward, her keen intelligence trying to figure out the mystery in front of her. “Who are you?”

“We’re talking about you,” Luke redirected the conversation. She was good and it reminded him of the early cagey talks with his own suspicious partner. 

“Yeah, well, you’re not CIA like all these idiots.” She replied dismissively like she wasn’t keen on them, and clearly didn’t rate their skills. She would get on well with his fiance in that regard as he was of a similar opinion.

Luke sat back in his chair and wanted to try and get a measure of her analysis skills. So far, she was clever, resourceful and he challenged her. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, CIA has two types,” she smirked. “Intelligence and espionage and you’re neither of those. I mean you look like you could lift this building and they look like they’d struggle to lift paper. So they’re intelligence agents.”

Hobbs was impressed despite himself. “Hey, just ‘coz I look like I am all brawn doesn’t mean I don’t exercise this as well.” He said, pointing at his head. It was a sore point for him and he would have thought that someone so stunning wouldn't judge others by their looks. 

She had to give him his humour at least. She was surprised. She was sure they removed that surgically when you got the badge. “Right, and you don’t do espionage as those agents need to blend, and there's nothing about you that is subtle, sweetheart.”

“I’m Luke Hobbs, DSS.”

She sat back. “Oh.”

He chuckled. “They needed to track you - so I did.” 

She looked most put out by the news but Luke stayed quiet. He often found that when he said nothing people tried to fill the void with noise. 

So, of course, that was when Deckard turned up to reveal she was his sister. It figured that two of the most irritating people were actually related to each other. “She is not your sister.”

“Get your mitts off her.”

Hobbs could see his fiance smirking at him. It was a good job he wasn’t the type to get jealous over stupid things. It helped that he was secure in their relationship.

~*~

Tony saw the soldiers about to smash through the window and he got under the table. He needed to avoid the concussive blast. It worked and he wanted to scream at the way the agents were being cut down like they weren’t even human. 

He had a priority, though, and that was the blonde. He could not let her fall into the hands of the super-soldiers. He didn’t think, just scooped her up and headed for the bulletproof lift. It would let Luke and Deckard Shaw have free reign without worrying about collateral. The last thing he heard on their level was, “Who’s got my asset?”

The super-soldiers dived back out of the window. Hobbs pulled Deckard back so he didn’t get his head shot off. 

“They’ve got my sister.”

Luke rolled his eyes because that was so not true. “No, she’s with Tony.”

“Who the hell is Tony?”

Luke smirked. “My fiance and he blends so I don’t have to.”

Tony had guessed the way these bastards would operate and thanks to an Abby hack special, the whole attack was streamed to all CIA and MI6 computers. So he’d eliminated the one chance that the narrative could be changed on them as it had been with Agent Shaw the day before. 

~*~

Back in the glass elevator, Hattie was waking up. “Relax, Agent Shaw. I’m one of the good guys. Your brother and Luke are spoiling for a fight and removing you from the level just enabled it to happen.”

“Luke?”

Tony smirked. “Well titles and ranks become awkward in bed, don’t you think?”

She scowled as she hadn’t spotted him. “Why protect me? I’m rogue.”

Tony snorted because she wasn’t at the top of her game. “No you’re not and by the way, when you cut through Luke and Shaw’s crap on the top floor you told your side of the story to the upper brass of the CIA and MI6.”

She had no clue what was happening but she did know that she wasn’t feeling overwhelming despair for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours. They got a first-hand view to one of the most hollywood-esque fights in mid-air they'd ever witnessed. 

She tilted her head in curiosity but her tone showed how frustrated she was by it. “Are they really using the soldiers to bash into each other?”

Tony sighed. “It looks that way. Tell me, does your brother play well with others?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Tony just knew this was going to end in a headache. He'd already suffered through more than one rant regarding Shaw and being forced to work with him. 

~*~

Amazingly, Luke and Deckard put aside their differences long enough to appropriate a Jeep. Hattie did like the way Hobbs dropped a different jeep onto the supersoldier-terminator wannabe. 

Deckard risked a glance in the back to see who their other guest was. “Who the fuck are you?”

Tony didn’t blink at the bluster because, despite his jawline, Gibbs had him beat for glares. “Agent Anthony DiNozzo. NCIS.”

Deckard paused for a second because this wasn’t a disaster - the chatter from those in the know was DiNozzo was a smooth operator that worked out of DC. “Why are you with the she-hulk?”

Tony smirked. “He is a big, sexy, dangerous, loyal, gorgeous mountain of a man.” Tony winked at Luke. “Plus, I said yes when he asked.”

Hattie grinned. “Congratulations, he streamed the attack so your bosses know you’re not to blame.”

Luke whipped his head around. “He blends so I don’t have to.”

She gave him a crooked grin, remembering their first conversation. She gave Tony an open leer. “I can see that.”

Deckard deflated. “Okay so I like you more than lover boy but how do we get the chip out of her?” 

Tony and Hattie rolled their eyes because they’d been plotting whilst they’d been bitching in the front of the car. “We need to find this scientist, and we can only find one lead.”

Tony smiled. "It’s a Russian newspaper that’s only sold by one newsagent in all of London."

"That’s convenient," Luke replied with a smirk. 

"I'm eager to read about today's news." 

The scientist was a soft academic and when faced with Deckard and Luke he folded like a cheap pack of cards. The news wasn’t good when they caught up to him. They had two choices to extract the virus - kill Hattie, or try and get the sequencer deep within the bowels of a secure Eteon facility. 

~*~

The plan to remove the virus had not gone to plan. Hattie had gotten the sequencer and was about to dash out there when she saw her brother and Hobbs being tortured by Brixton, the head-crazy-terminator type soldier chasing her. She gasped hearing the man say her brother had been framed. 

Her mind was a whirl of thoughts when someone leaned in close. “Make sure the scientist gets out of here, and let’s get our boys,” Tony whispered. 

She tilted her head because, seriously, Hobbs’ fiance should wear a bell. “How?”

Tony chuckled. “Remember - I blend so he doesn’t have to.”

They were quite the partnership. She grabbed a passerby to get a white coat just like Tony. He whispered. “You need the glove.”

“I can’t get one!” She hissed. 

Tony waved his hand, showing he already had the glove. “How about a double bluff?”

She grinned, oh, she loved working with a proper professional. The plan was set and now they just had to survive long enough to get rid of this blasted virus out of her system.

~*~

Brixton looked so smug when her gun didn’t go off. He was only too happy to explain what had gone wrong. “You see, you need the activation code to operate our guns. And you, little miss, don’t have it.”

Luke and Deckard had their hearts in their mouths but knew they were missing something. Hattie was too calm, she had something up her sleeve and it was something the super-soldier didn’t see coming. 

They were coiled ready to spring into action once the current got destroyed. 

“I do.” And the gunshot saw the soldier’s head explode. It turns out it didn’t matter how much of a machine you were. If the brain was destroyed, you died. 

The soldiers might have stood a chance but the shock of seeing their leader taken down, and Luke and Deckard working together, saw them down for the count.

“What are you doing here?” Luke shouted. Tony was supposed to be coordinating off-site at least in the plan they'd agreed. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “What you mean is - thanks for saving my ass, babe. Let’s get out of here before it blows sky high.”

Hattie laughed at the gobsmacked look on the two men’s faces. Tony hadn’t so much agreed to stay back as promised he was following up on a few leads.  “You heard him.”

~*~

Hobbs took the driving duties and managed to outrun the blast. The engine cut out just outside the facility and a disembodied voice filled the cab of the lorry. 

“That was unexpected.”

Hobbs frowned. “And who might you be?”

“You outperformed our peak soldier.”

“You can’t plan for a wildcard and you had four of them.” Hattie pointed out with a vindictive grin. She was starting to relax now that she could see her life once more stretch out in front of her. 

“Yes, our original plan has failed but you have all outperformed beyond your optics. Get healthy, Agent Shaw, we will be seeing you soon and Hobbs - I look forward to seeing you soon too.”

~*~

The machine was working to extract the virus. It seemed the disembodied head of the creepy organisation was willing to lose this round because he now had a new plan and it was one that involved them. 

“So that was creepy and stalkerish, right?”

Hattie snickered. “You’ve never had unwanted attention?”

Tony shrugged. “Same as you, I should imagine.”

Hobbs was thinking about the threat. It sounded like they were about to get chased down, which was ironic as he was usually the hunter. He knew once he made contact nobody would give them the mission to take down Eteon. 

“We need a plan.”

“We need somewhere we can bunker down, regroup and get someplace that we can fortify.” Tony added. 

Luke nodded because he didn’t like the thought of his daughter, Sammie, in LA. He knew that Agent Locke was looking after her but it wasn’t him, so it didn’t sit right with him. “I know where you can go.”

“Where?”

Hobbs sighed. “I mean you should probably meet the in-laws before we get marriage, right?”

Tony froze as he knew the bad-blood and what it had cost Luke to do it. “You sure?”

“We need to be safe, and I need Sammie safe. Samoa is isolated and anyone who doesn’t belong will stick out.”

Luke found that his family adored Tony, and his brother made a point of being extra-friendly with him. He knew it would drive Luke mad but this case was going to need his whole focus. He’d only ever chased one criminal at a time - this time the four of them had a whole organisation to stop. 

It went okay, his momma is still mad about her yard but that is another story.  

Chapter Text

The people of the hospital were freaked and the staff were definitely scared. The gossip had it right - even if they didn’t understand how it might have happened. 

The only explanation people had so far come up with was an apocalypse was nigh. Now, you might think that hard-working professional people would not be prone to exaggeration. It was still all they could come up with for what they were currently witnessing. It had been happening all week so it wasn’t like it was a one-day weird fluke. Dr Gregory House, miserable bastard extraordinaire - was happy. When he started smiling at the beginning of the week people found it scary. It had been upgraded to shining creepy levels when he had been overheard humming. It was no better with House’s actual staff. His favourite little ducklings were in their office gossiping about their boss’s sudden change in mood. It just goes to show - they needed more cases.

Chase shuddered. “It’s not natural.”

Cameron rolled her eyes. “You know he might just be happy. There is no rule that says he has to be miserable.”

Chase just stared at her, his expression speaking volumes. He really was starting to take after their boss. Foreman shook his head, wondering how two smart people could be so clueless.

He looked up from his journal. “You’re both idiots, he’s getting some.”

Chase shot back with a zinger. “Hookers don’t count.”

A throaty chuckle from behind them disturbed their little gossip session. Three sheepish heads shot around to see who had disturbed them. It was a model looking guy who looked too healthy to be in need of their services. His suit was stupidly expensive which might have suggested he was a doctor but the gun and badge suggested otherwise. 

Cameron, of course, was the one to move forward. “Can we help you, Sir?”

“Back off, wombat. He’s mine.” House declared.

Cameron flushed at the implication. She was just being friendly and he was admittedly very handsome. Then her flush grew into a full-blown blush. 

Tony smirked at House. “You said no more hookers...”

“I didn’t mean to imply you were a hooker.” Chase managed to say, having found his voice once more. He really did need to learn to think before he spoke. House got away with it but he didn’t have the brilliant maverick reputation to be as sassy, yet.

Tony snorted. “It’s alright. Greg asked me the same thing when we first met.”

Cameron was aghast. “And you still went on a date?”

Tony snorted. “Oh yeah. He’s a sexy, snarky, silver fox. What’s not to like?”

House was dying of laughter inside. He had often wondered what it would take to break his workers. He’d stretched their standards, ethics and everything else. He had no idea that the straw to break the camel’s back would be his dating life. 

“Come on, lover boy, I owe you dinner.”

With that, they left. House being House and unable to resist winding people up slipped his hand into Tony’s coat and used him for leverage to walk outside. Tony waited until they were in the lift to speak. “Keep squeezing my ass and I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

House had a wicked grin. “Is that supposed to stop me?”

Tony shook his head in bemusement. “Greg, I so can’t arrest myself for public indecency.”

“Who’s going to report it?” 

~*~

House groaned as he saw Cuddy at the entrance of the hospital because there was no way they were going to escape without at least a conversation.  

 “Dr House.”

Greg just pouted. “Tony, meet the evil overlord of my working life.”

Cuddy narrowed her eyes. “I prefer Dr Lisa Cuddy.”

House saw Tony smirk and knew it would be good. His lover had a delightful line in refined sarcasm - it was one of his more attractive qualities. Well, that, and his attitude, personality, and looks. He really was the whole package. 

“I prefer Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, although, Greg may call me his escort.”

“You are hot, that is not my fault. Now can we go and get some food that won’t make want to be admitted to here for more than work.”

Cuddy was bemused, and possibly dying to look his boyfriend up on the internet. “Sure, be back for clinic hour at 3.”

~*~

House was vibrating with nervous energy. “So what did you decide?”

“That an hour’s commute was better for me.”

House thought about the area and where Tony might have settled for work. “You’ve left NCIS?”

Tony nodded and let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, I used the last screw up to extricate myself without having to worry about things. The radio screw up had been the straw to break the back.”

Only he had alternate things to keep him going and not just decide to hide it behind his masks.

“You’ve fixed one too many of their screw-ups.” House pointed out even as he bit into his burger. “So who did you sell your soul to? You couldn’t decide this morning?”

Tony snorted. “How do you feel about dating a Homeland Agent?” 

“Sounds hot.”

Tony smirked. “You know we can use the cuffs whenever you like?”

House snorted because he loved the way Tony could match his sass. “You promise?”

Tony nodded because he knew that House would start to feel uncomfortable about the emotions on display. He changed the focus, knowing he would irritate his lover. “Yes, Darlin.”

House’s eyes narrowed. “We’re going down the nickname route, sweetcheeks?”

Tony quirked an eyebrow. “I can indulge in this game with you... or we can agree on one we like and use it to make everyone around us feel uncomfortable.”

House chuckled because that did sound perfect. “How about after lunch?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I am yours to do with what you want for the afternoon. Morrow has me heading to the Philadelphia office on Monday.”

~*~

Dr James Wilson looked up from his paperwork to being besieged by his boss, and House’s underlings. “What did he do?”

“He’s happy, and not because he’s upped his Vicodin.”

James rolled his eyes. “You know he did have an infarction on his leg but because bloody Tony seems to hang the moon he is trying alternate pain therapies.”

Lisa was stunned. She had tried for years to get House to look at alternate options. She wanted him to be in the least pain possible but was worried about the Vicodin build up in his blood. “He didn’t even do that for Stacey.”

James was more than aware. “I know - hence the divorce but Tony is House’s equal.”

The Ducklings were catching up. “House was married?”

Chase often forget he was there for longer than the others. “Sharkish lawyer type. She would eat you both alive and then bill you for the privilege.”

Cameron was pouting. “The man was definitely not a Stacey.”

James could have made a flippant comment. “You want to know more about Tony then ask them as they’ve come back from dinner. You should be nice because Lisa if Tony accepts a job too far away he would look for another job.”

That stopped her cold because she’d been unsure about the whole thing but if James said he would leave Princeton - then it was serious. “How serious?”

“Like bells serious.”

She sighed. “Well, damn. I better go and introduce myself to the future Mr House.”

Wilson being smug. “Oh, no, he has a Doctorate in Criminology and Terrorism.” 

Oh, and the choosing of their names after their marriage was of great debate but that is a different story. 




Chapter Text

Tony hated the world and everyone in it. He shouldn’t have slipped off to Montenegro but he needed a break. He had hated every minute of playing the assassin in Paris. The issue wasn’t that he was undercover as a psycho - he could handle that in his sleep - his problem lay in his partner - in the fact he had to rely on Little Miss Mossad and he did not trust her in the slightest. 

He just didn’t see why everyone else seemed to think she was the bee’s knees. Well, he suspected that she was the one to kill Ari and was trading on Gibbs’ soft spot when it came to young women. Anyway, he wasn’t drinking the kool-aid so he’d slipped off for some decompression time. 

He punched in the code for the Paddington apartment in the area and within seconds he was getting a call. He knew who it would be without even looking at the display and he always enjoyed these conversations. They usually ended in an adventure but he could guarantee there would be no Mossad.

“Nana.”

“Anthony. You’re holidaying, are you?” She asked lightly.

Tony knew his grandmother well, he adored her in fact. It wasn’t known at NCIS but she was the reason he didn’t go off the rails when his father disowned him. She was the one who had stepped in to see that he wasn’t neglected.  He knew that she had something up her sleeve just by the tone of her voice so laughingly asked outright. “What do you want?”

“Is that any to talk to your beloved grandmother?”

Tony snorted because he was more than capable of calling bullshit when it was deserved. “It is when she heads up an MI6 programme.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Tony’s high-security clearance was for more than one reason. He served as one of the ways the British and Americans could send information through unofficial channels. It had come in handy on more than one occasion and meant that several people who had tried to come at him had mysteriously backed off and he just acted none the wiser. 

She figured she would get the sales pitch out of the way early. “You know you should join me at Six. You would be a good fit.”

Tony chuckled because she would have gone before the government committee today. “You mean I can handle your attitude.”

“Well, when you’re competent I don’t need to be rude, do I?” M replied. 

Olivia Mansfield nee Paddington was one of Tony’s favourite people in the whole world. She was a true legend and badass and yet no one was allowed to know it. It didn’t matter that she was nearing her seventies because she refused to slow down. “I repeat, what do you need?”

M sighed but knew she had to say it. “I have an agent coming towards you and he is rash but on a vital mission.”

Tony chuckled and couldn’t help but point out. “You know you used to say the same thing about me.”

“Anthony, you seduced your way into a mob family and did it so well they didn’t want to kill you after you betrayed them.”

Tony snorted because really his grandmother shouldn’t judge him. “In my defence, I was really charming but knew you would string me up by my toes if I took over a mob outfit unless it suited our needs.”

She snorted because if there was one thing she loved was his practicality. “Yes, well 007 is chasing a terrorist banker to a poker game in the main hotel in the city. I think I could relax if you were there as a silent partner in the game.”

 

Tony smiled as he thought about what suits he had available. “Send me the relevant details and you know I will do what I can to help. Are you asking for me to officially be seconded or should I book some holiday?”

“I think I will second you. Also, we need to discuss some things that could concern your longevity staying at NCIS.”

Tony rolled his eyes because he was almost certain that it was to tell him that Ziva would soon as shoot him as work with him. “Okay, love you and see you soon.”

He looked up the game and the hotel, and then placed a call to someone who could get any job done. The phone call connected and he greeted the person.  “Hello, Sherringford.”

“I have a title, Anthony. You know this - your grandmother gave it to me.”

Tony snorted, knowing full well that anyone in MI6 would not get away with calling him anything but Q. He bulldozed ahead. “Sherringford. I need the security plans to this blasted hotel that Nana is setting up the operation up in.”

“You’re in the city?” 

Tony snickered and called Q on his polite crap. “As if you don’t already know. I wanted to decompress after a shitty operation and Nana’s idea of how I can do that it is to babysit her new OO.”

It was now Q’s turn to full-on laugh, knowing just what was in store for his old friend. “Oh, Tony. You have your work cut out for you ... He is a handful.”

Tony put the phone down and thought through the problem at hand. He needed a good suit. There was a small advantage to the whole plague incident and then not trusting his new partner. He could fit into the suits that he’d had made for him when he’d first gone back to America. 

~*~

Tony figured the best play was to go with his mother’s snotty side of the family. He phoned the hotel, knowing that as the only Five-Star hotel in the city, it was the only one his family would stay in. The fact that they had an apartment here and yet would need a hotel was one of those unspoken family non-secrets. His Uncle needed somewhere to see his mistresses and it would have been vulgar to take them to the apartment.

The concierge answered and Tony went into full flow without a trace of American in his voice. “Yes, this is Lord Paddington. When will the suite be available to check in to?”
Tony could practically feel the squirming from his current location. The best bit was Tony wasn’t even lying, When his father had disowned him his mother’s family had welcomed him with open arms. 

“We are busy with a poker tournament this evening - it may be rowdy .”

Tony rolled his eyes. So, the concierge knew the characters in the game were dodgy. He might ask Q to check into the guest list and see who else might shake free of the proverbial terrorist tree. 

Okay, so now he told a small lie. “Listen, my wife is in town and I need my discreet escape. So I ask again - when will my suite be ready.”

“Four O’Clock, Lord Paddington.”

Tony was cordial. “And that is the service I expect to receive.”

He knew his Nana would get a kick out of this OO7 being relegated to a mistress but he’d go and observe and offer aid if necessary. If he didn’t she would probably be very disappointed in him and that wasn’t something he could handle. 

~*~

Tony stayed close to the bar but it gave him a perfect angle to observe the half-room while wearing his perfected sad look, nursing a drink and allowing everyone in the room to dismiss him. The game was tense and it was clear who was here for the show, and who was here to win. You would think that given half of the participants were actually wanted criminals they’d have looked for more something discrete.

Tony sent a text to Q with a picture. He figured it might be worth checking into all the other members of the game. 

He got a reply almost immediately.  What am I focusing on? 

Tony smiled internally at the speedy response while maintaining his maudlin drunk persona.

He knew if it was anyone else he would probably get a face-palm emoji. Q was still the legend. He got a one-word response - arse.

Tony couldn’t help but keep going back to the one person who was supposedly with Bond. She made the hackles on the back of his neck rise. He decided to add a second message to Q, after all, it would be stupid to ignore his instincts. 

Deep background - Bond partner. 

He had to wonder if there was a second reason his Nana had asked him to be there. 

His eyes once more swept the room and the sultry blonde had deliberately drawn the room. She slid up to Le-Chiffre who Tony knew was the main suspect and wow, what an old trick. Tony wasn’t judging, after all, he’d done it himself. He didn’t like seeing the drops to the liquid she was adding, especially as the vixen brunette who was supposed to be watching his back just watched. 

Damn, you just couldn’t get the back up these days. 

The worst of it was he was too far away to stop it. He watched as Bond realised he’d been poisoned. He stood up and discreetly left, affecting a stagger to seem drunk. It was lucky that no one followed Bond too closely as they must have assumed he was blackout drunk. Bond got to his car, and Tony could hear him make contact with his Grandmother. It wasn’t good as before he could cross the road - Bond collapsed on the chair. He raced to the car, knowing that Bond would be in no fit state to try and attack him anyway. He could hear her shouting down the phone. 

“BOND! Jesus Christ. Where is bloody Tony?”

Tony knew it was time to make his appearance. “I’m here, Nana, now let me save your baby Double-O.”

Tony waited and listened to the instructions from the Doctor who was still back in the UK. It would be the first time he’d shocked a heart back using a fancy defibrillator. Bond looked to be in bad shape so the poison had done a number on his system.  

The shock worked and Bond slammed back up into real alertness. Tony had to shake his head in disbelief as all Bond said was, “Youch.”

Bond did double over for a minute as he tried to catch his breath. He wasn’t like most people who would be gasping for air and seriously weak having just had their heart shocked back to cardio rhythm.

It seemed Bond had given himself all the time he would be weak in front of someone. He was a hot mess looking like he’d had a stunning amount of alcohol and possibly drugs too.

Tony snorted at Bond’s apparent superhuman ability to shake off things. Het didn’t miss the opportunity to rake his eyes across Bond’s naked chest. The man wore a suit well but even half-dead he still looked stupidly attractive. Perhaps he was channelling his Grandma but Tony couldn’t help but point out, “That is what you deserve for drinking on the job, you idiot.”

“I had appearances to keep up.” Bond frowned, clearly trying to get his faculties back in order. He then realised that Tony was a stranger who saved him. He was quite low on trust right now which was understandable considering he’d just been poisoned. “Sorry, who are you?”

“Lord Paddington.”

Bond was still sharp. “You’re M’s family?”

Tony smirked. “Careful what you say about my grandmother, James.”

Bond smirked. “I see. Well, thanks for the assist but I have a game to win.”

Tony could hear the expletives all the way back in London and had to smirk at Bond. On the surface, it would seem rash. It wasn’t the smart choice as it was obvious that Le-Chiffre was desperate if he was willing to assassinate to try and recoup the money. “Okay, hot stuff but let’s get you put back together. You can’t go back to the table looking like I have ravished you considering you looked blindingly drunk not two minutes ago.”

“That is exactly what I want them to think.” Bond replied with a sexy smirk of his own. 

Tony was impressed because most agents would have backed off hearing who his family was. “By the way, ditch the brunette.”

“She is the money.”

Tony sneered. “She watched you be poisoned, darling, and did nothing. So do you want her or me watching your back?”

“Definitely you,” James replied. He let Tony help him straighten up because he couldn’t appear to be upset by the move.

Tony walked with him back to the lounge. “You ready?”

James smirked. “Kiss for luck?”

Tony smirked. “I will do one better. Come on, sweetheart.”

Bond linked their arms and knew that if he didn’t succeed M would definitely kill him with his next stunt. It was amazing to realise that he could operate in sync with someone he’d just met.  If you wanted to distract people, you needed to shock them. Bond had to return to the table like it was on his own terms and for his own reasons. 

Paddington was willing to play eye-candy and would no doubt shock Le-Chiffre. James looked smug as he sat down and Tony kissed him as he sat down. It sold the story that he had nipped off for a quickie rather than deal with poison Le-Chiffre had dosed him with. When James looked over the table smugly informing Le-Chiffre. “You know how it is, the other half wanted to murder me for taking a drink from another woman.”

Le-Chiffre sneered. “I wouldn’t know.”

James smirked. “I wouldn’t trade my lover for anything. Now, where were we?”

Tony stood to the side playing attentive lover and silent guard. It was perfect now he had an excuse to be in the area. The blonde who had done the poisoning stormed off looking furious at her foiled plan. Tony got a message from his Nana - ditch Lynd. 

Bond and Le-Chiffre were the last two in the game. You could cut the tension with a knife and Tony was well aware that Le-Chiffre would love to do exactly that to Bond if it would get him his money.

The last hand was being played and Tony pulled James into a searing kiss. “Come on, baby. Let’s celebrate.”

He used the shock and distraction to slip out the side door holding Bond’s hand. He ran straight into the Hotel Manager. “Ah, Gustav. I require a favour.” He flashed his phone with a picture of Vesper Lynd. “This woman is my wife, and she is looking for me. She wants an excuse to divorce me. Please keep her in the hotel whilst I make a good getaway.”

“Of course, Lord Paddington. You know we look after our treasured guests.” He assured Tony. 

Tony just gave a small grin and raced out the door. They took to the streets and walked slowly so as not to stand out from the crowd. 

Bond was starting to come down from the massive adrenaline high. “You know, I think this has been the first time I have ever been the mistress.”

Tony snorted. “Don’t kid yourself, sweetheart. You know it’s been on more than one occasion. Now, new orders from M, ditch the brunette.”

“Well, you’re a definite improvement.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “That is hardly a compliment, Bond. I didn’t poison you, and made sure you escaped the terrorist’s hands. She hardly set me a high bar.”

Bond shook his head. “First of all, call me James.” He walked closer. “And you helped me escape, never breaking cover, using your wits and little violence showing your competence. I think that it is highly sexy.”

“You’re just trying to sweet talk me.” Tony said, although tellingly, he didn’t step back.

“Yes.” James agreed. “Is it working?”

Tony opened the door to the safe house. “Yes, it is.”

~*~

In the coming years, M was never sure if she was glad to have introduced Tony to his husband or not. They did, however, make an unstoppable team who faced every challenge head-on. In some ways she should be grateful, as thanks to Mossad and Bond, Tony finally chose to work fully for the family business but that story was in one file at the bottom of her desk, never to see the light of day.