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You Have a New Admirer!

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It is an uncharacteristic moment of weakness that makes Katsuki agree to Izuku's whole stupid suggestion in the first place. It's not just that he thinks he's above stuff like this (he knows he is, actually), but he's also just too damn busy. His classes in his final year of college are harder than they've ever been; as a fourth year mechanical engineering student, concepts like sleeping and eating are for the weak.

Therefore, obviously, so is shit like dating.

Unfortunately, some people he will not admit to being friends with, but who are sadly the closest thing he has, have other plans for him.

"God dammit, Deku," he snaps, after the fourth time he catches his phone being inched away from its spot on the table near him where he has it charging. "I swear if I catch you trying to install that stupid app one more time—"

Izuku, his roommate of the past four years, freezes in place upon being spotted, his eyes as wide and innocent as they will go. Katsuki is not falling for it.

"Relinquish the phone, you little shit," he says, holding his hand out. "I don't care how deer-in-headlights you try to be, it ain't workin'."

Defeated, Izuku drops the phone into his hand.



"I promise it won't be that bad!"

"And I don't trust you," Katsuki says. "I'm not letting you put any shit that trust fund hipster asshole programmed on my phone."

"He's not a trust fund hipster," Izuku says, exasperated. "He's an entrepreneur."

"Gag me," Katsuki sneers.

Izuku's boyfriend, Shouto, is some kind of Steve Jobs wannabe. Annoyingly, his family is rich enough that he has the spare time to actually fuck off of school entirely to work on all his idiotic ideas in his spare time. They all attend the same university, but Katsuki is positive Shouto has never attended or passed one single class. This is done, apparently, out of some kind of admittedly understandable vendetta he has against his father.

He and Izuku met last year at some pretentious seminar for Bettering the World Through Engineering or some shit. Basically a course on how to most efficiently change all the shit-filled diapers of the world at once. Izuku is a civil engineering major, and big into that bullshit. Katsuki, for his part, does not understand their need to coddle.

"Even you know he does good work," Izuku says, a note of sullenness creeping into his tone. As though Katsuki is the one imposing, and not the other way around.

Katsuki rubs the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses tiredly. "I don't care about what work he does, I just have enough sense to know that under no circumstances am I interested in dating."

"I'm not asking you to date, I'm just asking you to use the app!" Izuku protests. "It needs more users currently to gather data. Even I'm on there and I don't need a date, obviously."

"What's the point, then?" Katsuki asks. "What if someone wants to, I don't know, match with me or whatever—"

"Shouto says he'll treat you to dinner if that happens!" Izuku says brightly. God, have they planned this out? "You can just go on your not-really-a-date—"

"Hang on—"

"Enjoy some good food—you really need to eat more regularly, Kacchan—get out of the apartment for once—"

"Your plan is all fucking well and good, except for one thing," Katsuki says, irritably.

"What's that?"

"What happens if someone asks me out and then actually wants to date me?"

Izuku blinks at him. Then he laughs. "Oh, well—I mean, we don't think there's that much… danger…? Of that…"

Katsuki stares at him. "What the fuck does that mean."

"Wh—nothing!" Izuku shakes his head quickly. "Why would you think it means something?"

"You motherfuckers," Katsuki says. "You think I won't be able to get a second date, don't you?"

"I didn't say that—"

"No, you didn't," Katsuki growls, "because you know I'd kill you."

"Kacchan," Izuku says, in that apologetic, placating tone he uses that Katsuki despises. "There's nothing wrong with that, you know? You said it yourself, you're too busy to date."

"That doesn't matter," Katsuki says. "If I wanted to get a second date, I fucking could." Izuku's nose scrunches up. Katsuki slams his hand on the table and then jabs a finger at him. "Why the fuck are you making that face?!"

"You keep thinking I'm doing things when I'm just—existing!" Izuku says, throwing his hands in the air.

"I can get a second date," Katsuki says.

"Can you?" Izuku asks, squinting at him.

"AH!" Katsuki shouts. "YOU DO DOUBT!"

"I don't doubt you, I just doubt other people's capacity to handle you," Izuku explains.

"That is the same fucking thing," Katsuki says, "and I don't want anyone to 'handle' me anyway!"

"That came out wrong," Izuku sighs. "You are high maintenance."

Katsuki's mouth falls open. "Excuse me?"

"See." Izuku gestures vaguely at him. "Nobody says 'excuse me' like that unless they are one wholeass diva."

Katsuki closes his mouth. The horrible part about Izuku's argument is that it is correct, and it also means Katsuki can't say anything dramatic without seeming like more of a diva and playing right into that damn garden gnome's sanctimonious little hands. He takes a deep breath.

"Okay," he says. "Okay." He unplugs his phone from the charger and practically flings it at Izuku's head. Izuku barely manages to catch it. "Okay!"

"Not really helping your case here," Izuku informs him.

"Install it," Katsuki grits out through his teeth.

Izuku's expression transforms like the sun emerging from behind clouds. "Really?!"

"Don't make me tell you twice," Katsuki threatens, but Izuku is already unlocking his phone—wait, how does Izuku know his password—so he can download Shouto's damn matchmaking app. "I'm not a diva, also."

"Mmm," Izuku murmurs distractedly. "Do you remember that time in freshman year when I bought the wrong kind of toilet paper and you nearly castrated me?"

Katsuki stares at him, and wisely does not respond. He might, maybe, remember that episode. In his defense, it was 1-ply. Izuku might not mind his butt getting chafed, but Katsuki will not stand for it.

Fucking hell, he is a diva, isn't he?

Izuku hands him his phone back with a cheerful, "Here you go, Kacchan! Try it out for a bit and make sure to tell us what you think!"

"Yeah, yeah," Katsuki says darkly. The app twinkles brightly across his phone screen, inviting and with, he hates to admit it, an eye-catching and simultaneously pleasing to use interface. Damn that rich pretty boy. Izuku is eyeballing him intently, probably wanting to hear every single one of his first impressions as he sets up his profile.

All Katsuki can think is that he has got to get a second date and show these fuckers up.


He promptly forgets about any and all vindictive plans the instant Monday rolls back around and he's slammed with so many assignments he can barely remember his own name. Mercifully, Izuku seems to be in much the same boat, so most of their interactions consist of pained grunts from Katsuki's end and panicky whines from Izuku, and absolutely no discussion of cursed dating apps at all.

Sometime on Wednesday night, Shouto materializes at their apartment with several bags of greasy fast food and a fury in his eyes that brooks no arguments. Even Katsuki is meeker than usual when he gets sat down on the couch with a massive burger and fries (the dining room table is too covered in textbooks and diagrams and blueprints and sheafs of notepaper for them to eat on). Izuku has already been transferred to the sofa and is currently mainlining a strawberry milkshake.

"You're both going to drop dead of exhaustion before you can finish school at this rate, and then what good will your straight A's be to you?" Shouto demands. He stands over them both, a very assholish scarf wrapped fashionably around his neck, arms crossed, foot tapping.

"Actually," Izuku says, swallowing a mouthful of milkshake with a loud gulp, "we calculated the exact amount of calories we'd need to intake in order to—" He cuts off with a yelp when Shouto uses the end of his scarf to whip him in the face.

"If you try to justify this in any way, at all," he says, voice menacingly low, "I will not sit on your dick for the rest of the year."

Izuku wheezes. Katsuki chokes on a french fry.

"I'm trying to eat," he protests.

"You wouldn't be if I wasn't forcing you, so simmer down," Shouto snaps. Katsuki glares at him silently, biting into his burger as disrespectfully as he can manage.

"We're sorry for making you worry," Izuku says contritely. Katsuki makes some kind of guttural noise of protest around his burger. He is not sorry in the least. "We both have so much due by next Friday, that it's been kinda stressful."

Shouto sighs. "That's not actually an excuse for not eating, you know that, right? Or not picking up your phones. I seriously was worried I was going to get here and find you both passed out on the floor or… worse. I considered calling my roommate to help."

Izuku smiles at him in a manner most people would call adorable, but that Katsuki generally thinks of as sickening. "Thank you for worrying about us. After next week, I can chill out a bit."

"You are never chill," Katsuki mumbles.

"And you are?" Shouto asks, one sleek eyebrow raised.

"I'm chill," Katsuki says. "I know our definitions differ, what with me actually working to get a degree, and you doing fuck all the past four years."

Shouto looks unbothered by his criticism. "I've been busy, even if you don't see the worth in what I do. Speaking of which—"

Damn it. Katsuki should've kept his mouth shut.

"Have you gotten a chance to try out my app?" Shouto finishes.

"Does it look like I've gotten a chance?" Katsuki asks, pointing at the paper-strewn table.

"Can I see your phone?" Shouto asks next.

"Fuck no."

"I'll stop bothering you if you let me see it."

From experience, Katsuki knows that Shouto will irritate the fuck out of him if his demands aren't met, but will leave him alone if they are. Also, not that Katsuki is grateful or anything, but he did just bring them food shortly before they likely starved to death of their own accord. So.

"Fine," Katsuki says. He tosses Shouto his phone. "Don't fuck with anything."

He focuses on his food after that, growling threateningly but otherwise not moving to stop them when Shouto plops down on the couch next to Izuku so Izuku can see whatever it is he's doing. For a little while there's peace and quiet, as the two of them discuss "features" and "userbase data" and "back-end development." Nothing too foreign to Katsuki, but enough out of his jurisdiction that it washes over him like noise. Shouto deals in code and Izuku in the world at large. Katsuki is happiest with grease on his fingers, or at least blueprinting a design he'll get to hold in his own two hands.

His attention is drawn again when Izuku gasps, and Shouto says, "Holy shit. That's—" He cuts off, as Katsuki turns to stare at them.

"What," he says.

"N-nothing," Izuku says quickly.

"What did you two do?"

"We didn't do anything, there's just a—" Shouto looks down at the phone and back up at him. "You have an admirer. On the app."

"I have a what?" Katsuki asks.

"That's um—that's what it's called when someone wants to match with you!" Izuku says encouragingly.

"Admirer, really?" Katsuki sneers.

"It's a term we felt fostered positive emotions even before an initial romantic connection is made," Shouto explains, "without enforcing any predisposed ideas about the compatibility of either party onto users."  

"Wow, yeah," Katsuki says, "that sounds totally natural and not forced at all."

"Well, if you don't want to see your admirer, I can clear your profile—" Izuku starts to say.

"Give me the phone," Katsuki says.

Izuku grins and tosses it back. Katsuki knows him well enough to be able to determine when he's being played, but he's too curious to shoot them down—yet.

There it is on the screen. A jaunty, star-decorated announcement: You have a new admirer! Katsuki is kind of surprised, honestly. He hadn't bothered to spend too much time setting up his profile, so it's fairly brusque. His profile picture is currently, of all things, a Labrador puppy. The damn app wouldn't support any of the options he tried to fucking upload, and it won't let him change the default image, either. He wasn't invested enough to figure out what the issue was, but Izuku has assured him that Shouto is "working on it."

His profile states that his name is Bakugou Katsuki, he's twenty-two and still in college. He likes hiking in the mountains, old cars, and advanced trigonometry. His first date would ideally involve little to no small talk, and very spicy food.

For some reason there is one person, apparently, who admires all that about him.

"Kirishima… Eijirou?" he reads off. "Sounds dumb."

"You can't decide someone's dumb just by their name, Kacchan," Izuku says.

"Watch me," Katsuki says. He has one unread message, from Kirishima, obviously. First, he clicks on Kirishima's profile.

Kirishima Eijirou is also twenty-two, but not in school. Like Katsuki, he seems to have a default profile picture—his is a very toothy cartoon crocodile. The things he enjoys are varied and many: dogs, the color red, cats, birds, animals in general, motorcycles, the beach, Crocs, rain, sun, rain when it's sunny out, weightlifting, swimming, going to the gym, hair gel—Katsuki stops scrolling there.

"He is definitely an idiot," he announces.

"So he cares about a lot of things!" Izuku says, far too defensively. Katsuki gives him his flattest look. "That's not bad!"

"Says the idiot who always releases spiders outside instead of killing them," Katsuki mutters.

"They're not hurting anything," Izuku says. "They're an important part of the ecosystem." Shouto kisses his forehead with an aching sort of tenderness that is more gross than them casually talking about their sex habits with Katsuki in the room.

"His ideal first date," Katsuki reads aloud, "would involve a romantic dinner of the cuisine of his date's choosing. He wants to be adventurous in discovering their likes (and dislikes). After that, he hopes they'd be adventurous with him in return, and let him take them on a powerful ride under the stars." Katsuki squints at this last line. "Is that… sex? What does that mean?"

"Oh, dear…" Izuku says. "Um, well, maybe you should message him back!"

"Do I have to?" Katsuki asks, voice coming out nearly a whine.

"Yes," Shouto and Izuku both say emphatically.

"Fucking—fine," Katsuki says. "You better give me money for a good fucking restaurant."

"Well, on the plus side," Shouto says, "if you get a date with him it sounds like he'll let you pick the place."

This is true, and so, with a feeling of trepidation mounting in his stomach, Katsuki clicks on the message icon from Kirishima.

Kirishima: Hi!
Kirishima: IDK if im doing this right…
Kirishima: i saw you like classic cars in your profile which is awesome! Totally something i admire haha
Kirishima: sooo here i am! :)
Kirishima: i think i'd like to get to know u better if youd like to get to know me better!
Kirishima: But if not thats okay!!!
Kirishima: Hope we can talk soon
Kirishima: :D

Kirishima sounds so… happy. Katsuki wrinkles his nose and types back:

Bakugou: Yo.

A reply comes through so fast the ding of a new message arriving startles them all.

Kirishima: Hi!

"Jesus," Bakugou mutters.

Kirishima: ok i wasnt expecting u to reply honestly
Kirishima: now i dont know what to say haha

"What's he saying?" Izuku asks. Katsuki waves him away, and is ignored, as Izuku comes to peer over his shoulder at his phone.

Bakugou: do you like spicy food

Kirishima: uhhhh
Kirishima: yeah i dont mind it!!
Kirishima: you like it right? u said in your bio

Bakugou: yeah. There's this place near my school, it's called Death Tofu. Have you heard of it?

Kirishima: death… tofu………?

Bakugou: You up for it?

"Do not take him to Death Tofu," Izuku says, aghast.

"He wants to be adventurous," Katsuki says, "now's his chance. Maybe he won't be a wuss like the two of you."

Izuku groans. "Nobody is going to agree to go out with you if you just—"

Kirishima: yeah!!! whens a good day for you?

"Oh," Shouto says, while Izuku just gapes like a goldfish, "use the in-app scheduling function to set something up." Katsuki rolls his eyes.

Bakugou: this stupid app has some kind of calendar thing I think.

Kirishima: oh yeah! i can see your available times hang on

Another ding chimes as a "date night" request comes through. Katsuki fundamentally hates this phrase, but he accepts the request. A gaudy star pops into his calendar for the following Saturday, eight PM. Great. Phase one complete. On a particular high note, despite having just wolfed down a burger and fries, his mouth is already watering at the thought of all that spicy food.

"Now will you two get off my ass?" he asks the peanut gallery.

Shouto raises his hands in concession. Izuku looks pleased.

"I hope you have a good dinner, at least!" he says. "And maybe—I mean, you never know, maybe you'll like him!"

Katsuki highly doubts this. But he hasn't forgotten he wants to prove them both wrong about not being able to get a second date. Fortunately, it looks like Kirishima might be just the fool he needs. His phone dings.

Kirishima: this place looks intense lol

Bakugou: Don't wimp out on me.

Kirishima: no way, that wouldn't be manly
Kirishima: hey i meant what i said before, though!
Kirishima: i know the dates in like a week but it'd be nice to get to know you a little
Kirishima: if u dont mind me messaging you?

Katsuki doesn't put much stock in this guy's ability to keep a conversation going. "Just wanna get to know you" is surely just a formality, a courtesy Kirishima doesn't really intend to follow through on. He's just being nice.

Bakugou: Sure, whatever.


Kirishima follows through. The next morning, Katsuki wakes up to see that he has multiple notifications from the dating app. Bewildered, he checks the app, to see they are all from Kirishima.

He is annoyed. What kind of moron seriously tries to strike up a conversation through a dating app? That's what the date is for, and Katsuki isn't even really that interested in that aspect of it.

Kirishima: morning!
Kirishima: hope its ok to message u…
Kirishima: i just figure itd be nice to get to know each other!
Kirishima: i had the early shift today but its been pretty quiet…
Kirishima: oh but i did get kitten saving duty XD

This last message is so cryptic that it forces Katsuki to reply, or else be irritated by curiosity forever.

Bakugou: ?
Bakugou: Are you a vet or something

Kirishima: oh sorry no!!! Firefighter
Kirishima: it wasnt up a tree though, got stuck on a roof
Kirishima: cats are so weird…how did it even get up there
Kirishima: she was super cute though, she fell asleep in my hand T_T

Katsuki stares at his phone for a long time. This is a lot to process right after waking up. Kirishima is… a fireman. A fireman who saves kittens with hands that are big enough for them to fall asleep in, apparently.

Kirishima: i wish i could send you a pic of her but it wont let me on here!!

Bakugou: yeah it's a bug. Stupid thing won't let me upload anything either, that's why I have this dumb fucking avatar.

Kirishima: LOL its not dumb! I clicked on your profile at first because i was hoping you liked dogs, too
Kirishima: but then!!! I saw u like cars which is pretty badass :)

Bakugou: I like engineering in general.

Kirishima: yeah?? As a hobby? Or work?

Bakugou: just my major, currently. I'm in my fourth year of mechanical engineering.

Kirishima: woah seriously?!

Kirishima, as it turns out, has more than just a passing interest in old cars and vehicles. He has a motorcycle and likes to tinker as well, although most of his knowledge is self taught. He decided against going to college, and started with the fire department right out of high school.

Katsuki finds himself trading messages back and forth with Kirishima throughout the rest of that day, and the next. He has a pretty strict "no texting during class" policy, but when his professors dismiss him, he keeps reaching for his phone faster than ever to see what new messages have come in.

Kirishima: i have been trying to change my icon in ur absence…
Kirishima: did it work

Bakugou: Done with class.
Bakugou: And no. You're still a crocodile.

Kirishima: dammit!
Kirishima: ok well I'll keep trying! What class was this?
Kirishima: if you dont mind me asking!

Bakugou: Micro systems design

Kirishima: whaaaaat
Kirishima: like nanotech??? :o

Bakugou: microfluidics, specifically.
Bakugou: it's pretty useful shit

Kirishima: lol……youre like, intimidatingly smart arent u

Bakugou: Yes.

Kirishima: lol god
Kirishima: ur dangerous XD idk if you know that

Bakugou: the hell are you talking about

Kirishima: nothing!!!
Kirishima: just
Kirishima: the whole intense smart thing
Kirishima: i like it i guess

Bakugou: microfluidics is what does it for you, huh?

Kirishima: it is NOW apparently

Katsuki has to bite his cheek to keep from laughing at his phone screen in public, something he resolutely refuses to do. He's not some idiot, sitting alone and texting his boyfriend in the cafeteria. No way, he's just… amused. By Kirishima, and his astounding honesty. Kirishima has so far not been put off by his extreme brand of bluntness, either.

Katsuki likes it; so much so that he finds he doesn't mind texting Kirishima on study breaks over the weekend, and keeping the conversation going the next week as the date approaches. It's kind of a new thing, being able to just talk without having to consider politeness or not offending anyone. That's a skill Katsuki has sort of been forced to develop in more academic settings, but Kirishima seems more delighted than anything by Katsuki's attitude. He's deemed it "fiery", which, as he points out, is his specialty.

At some point, Katsuki remembers his ridiculous profile. The two of them have traded enough jokes back and forth that he doesn't even worry about making fun of it—Kirishima has proven that he can more than deal, and occasionally Katsuki finds himself barking out a laugh in private when Kirishima gives as good as he gets.

Bakugou: okay I have to ask to make sure you aren't some kind of freak before our date… a powerful ride?

Kirishima: huh?

Bakugou: you had it in your profile
Bakugou: does that mean like, fucking

Kirishima: what????
Kirishima: omg
Kirishima: no i meant on my BIKE!!!!
Kirishima: holy shit im just gonna go die of embarrassment now
Kirishima: i need to edit that

Katsuki can't help it. He cackles, before catching himself and looking around to make sure nobody saw him.

Bakugou: nah keep it. Got me interested didn't it?

Friday finally arrives and with it, deadlines. Katsuki barely gets to talk to Kirishima that day, save for shooting him a quick message that he has a big test, and then lab work due, so Kirishima shouldn't expect to hear much from him.

By the end of the day, he just wants to sleep forever. But naturally, with a heavy chunk of work behind him this means he goes out drinking with Shouto and Izuku and some of their other friends instead. It's a good way to celebrate having survived another week, although they party a bit too hard, perhaps. Izuku almost eats shit trying to take off his shoes when they get back to the apartment and Katsuki slams right into his bedroom door before remembering how door handles work.

"Ow," he complains to nobody in particular.

"Don't forget to drink water," Shouto says as he passes by on his way to Izuku's room.

"I know how this works, mom." Katsuki flips him off. "Don't be too fucking loud, I'm going to sleep."

"No promises," Shouto says with a shrug. The door slams behind them and Katsuki hears Izuku giggle and then shush himself.

Katsuki rolls his eyes and flings himself down on his bed, stuffing a pillow around his ears. He wants to be more annoyed but realistically, Izuku hasn't had time to eat for the last week and a half, let alone bang his doting boyfriend. They are both hammered and will probably not get very far anyway. To their credit, they're also both fairly considerate (or at least, Izuku is… Katsuki has a feeling Shouto doesn't give a shit), and they keep it down past the occasional murmur or soft sigh filtering through the thin walls.

The quiet isn't all that helpful, actually. It's too loud, and Katsuki suddenly feels wide awake. The room is spinning a bit, so he takes off his glasses. When he closes his eyes, his mind keeps meandering annoyingly to what it would be like, to finish a huge project, then go out and get shitfaced and know there'd be someone to comfortably fall into bed with after all that.

Ugh, being drunk is making him sappy. He puts his arm over his face and wills the spinning to stop.

It's not his fault that his thoughts jump straight to Kirishima. That's the only other person Katsuki has been talking to the past week and a half, and with all the artificially constructed air of mystery around him, he can't help it. It's not like things aren't flirty between them, even Katsuki can't pretend that's not happening. He exhales slowly.

Kirishima is a firefighter, huh. So that probably means he's like… fit. Way more so than skinny Shouto, or Izuku with the soft little belly he can never quite get rid of. Katsuki generally attempts to be healthier than the two of them but all efforts fly out the window during the school year for the most part. He's a somewhat starving engineering student living off instant ramen because he needs to be spending his time drafting, not cooking, and it shows.

Kirishima could probably pick him up one-handed. Probably toss him into bed pretty easily.

Or actually… he likes cars, too. Old cars. Maybe he has one. Maybe it's big enough to push Katsuki down in the back seat. Big enough for him to get between Katsuki's legs. Maybe wherever they are is quiet and secluded enough that nobody notices the car rocking as Katsuki gets some well deserved fireman dick. Or maybe it's not, and Kirishima has to fuck him slow, cover Katsuki's mouth with his hand, kiss him to shut him up.


There's a soft ding in the quiet of the room, and he glances over to see his phone on his nightstand, screen lit up. He grabs it and squints at it, bringing it close to his face so he can see without his glasses. There's a new message.

Kirishima: hey! just realized youre done with all your stuff now right? hope it went ok!

Katsuki stares at the chat. It's late—he doesn't need to respond now. Hell, he'll see Kirishima for the first time tomorrow.

Bakugou: I aced it all.

Kirishima: NICE
Kirishima: u got ur results back already?

Bakugou: Don't need them, it was a piece of cake.

Kirishima: haha i see i see
Kirishima: ur relaxing now i hope!!

Bakugou: It's almost 1 in the morning, idiot. I'm in bed already.

Kirishima: oh shit my b
Kirishima: i should let u go then you must be tired!! just wanted to check in

Bakugou: it's fine.
Bakugou: I was thinking about you anyway.

A slight correction: being drunk isn't making him sappy. It's making him stupid. Why the hell did he say that, why the everloving fuck—

Kirishima: oh
Kirishima: u were?
Kirishima: :D!

Katsuki's dumbass heart does about ten somersaults.

Bakugou: don't sound so pleased with yourself, asshole.

Kirishima: bakugoooouuuu
Kirishima: what are you thinking about me
Kirishima: not bad stuff i hope

Bakugou: no. Not bad stuff.

Kirishima: what kind of stuff then XD

It would be very easy for Katsuki to just not answer that question. To evade it, at the very least; he could even say he fell asleep.

It would be easy, if not for the fact that his brain is a bit alcohol addled, and he's already getting hard, which automatically makes him hyperfixate on hot skin and internal combustion engines.

Kirishima: ahhh u cant just say that and then disappear
Kirishima: im nervous enough as it is

Bakugou: What kind of stuff do you THINK I am thinking about you at 1 am while I'm lying in bed?

Kirishima: ahaha…… ok is that a trick question
Kirishima: i could potentially embarrass myself with no way to recover here
Kirishima: i dont want to screw myself out of a date

Bakugou: for fucks sake would you just sext me properly already you imbecile

Kirishima: YEP yes okay!!! just really wanted to be clear on what we were doing!!!!!

Katsuki refrains from facepalming, because if he acknowledges how bad of a fucking idea this is, he's going to lose his boner. Instead, he undoes the button on his jeans, and then shuffles around trying to kick them off to the best of his ability without actually getting up.

Kirishima: oh man ok i was not expecting this

Katsuki rolls his eyes but the pants are off now. He slides a hand down to palm his dick through his underwear, stifling a groan.

Kirishima: what r u wearing

Bakugou: No.

Kirishima: no????

Bakugou: I'm just wearing a shirt and boxers, no big fucking deal, I'm not doing that coy bullshit. Tell me about your bike.

Kirishima: my bike?

Bakugou: describe it
Bakugou: and type properly if you're going to dirty talk for fucks sake

Kirishima: right, okay, sorry! My bike is red

Well, no fucking surprises there. Still, that's nice. Katsuki had been imagining black, but red suits Kirishima, too, somehow. Maybe because he always seems so bright. Or maybe because he mentions it's his favorite color four separate times in his dating profile (the profile Katsuki has looked at far too often the past few days, to the point that he knows Kirishima has said it four times). 

He's so stupid—stupid enough that it makes Katsuki feel some terrible brand of fondness, which in turn makes him rub himself through his briefs a little faster, a little harder, already impatient for Kirishima to tell him more.

Bakugou: what else

Kirishima: it's kinda classic, i guess. Its got a chopper look to it, really lean, long wheelbase
Kirishima: shiny as fuck chrome accents, looks gorgeous on the exhaust

Bakugou: Sounds adequately sexy.

Kirishima: you kill me dude
Kirishima: also she is VERY sexy. You'll see.

Bakugou: oh will I?
Bakugou: you think you look good with it between your legs, Kirishima?

Kirishima: fuck
Kirishima: i hope i do anyway
Kirishima: I think you'll look good with me between YOUR legs though

That's a line Katsuki isn't expecting to be bestowed upon him this early in the game. It sends heat slinging right down to his stomach, instant and throbbing. He grips himself through his underwear and then gives up, sliding his hand inside to wrap around the hot shaft of his dick. His hands aren't soft and he hopes Kirishima's aren't, either. He likes thick fingers, hard calluses; he wants it rough.

Bakugou: you don't even know what I look like

Kirishima: true
Kirishima: Tell me?

Bakugou: I'm a hot blond.
Bakugou: tell me more about the bike

Kirishima: haha alright
Kirishima: what else do you wanna know?

Bakugou: specs, dumbass

Kirishima: 1300cc liquid cooled V2

That's not the highest displacement possible on an engine, but damn, it means Kirishima is no novice if he's handling that on the road. Katsuki bites his lip hard and strokes his hand up his shaft, all the way to the tip. Briefly, he remembers what Izuku had said, about Kirishima being able to "handle" him, and a soft gasp slips from his mouth. It's harder to type one handed, but he slowly fumbles out another question.

Bakugou: not a four cylinder?

Kirishima: not looking to race, so i don't really need it
Kirishima: gives me more torque in the mid-range anyway

God, it probably sounds nice. It would feel good, too, working away at higher speeds, rumble hotter and harder against his thighs. Horsepower isn't everything, but Katsuki still has to ask.

Bakugou: What's the rpm?

Kirishima: max is 4250
Kirishima: around 80 ft-lb

Bakugou: so you're outputting 70 hp
Bakugou: that's a nice package

Kirishima: yeah it is
Kirishima: how the hell did you figure that out so fast

Bakugou: ??? it's basic fucking math

Kirishima: dude… lol
Kirishima: you're so hot
Kirishima: are you aware of that
Kirishima: i'm so into you doing that

Katsuki can't help it. He laughs. This guy.

Bakugou: when I do simple MATH

Kirishima: yes
Kirishima: i'm so fucking hard right now

The admission makes Katsuki suck in a breath. He's not sure what he expected going into this, honestly. He has probably not approached sexting in the right way at all. Even he realizes that this is kind of weird and pretty non-standard as far as that goes. But he likes the bike and he likes Kirishima, or at least, the thought of him anyway. He wasn't expecting Kirishima to be as into this as he is, so maybe they're both sort of freakish.

He starts to pump himself faster, toes curling in his socks. It's been a long time since jacking off made him feel this keyed up, this good. He's hot all over with it, his clothes and the sheets below him starting to stick to his sweaty skin. That feeling of want is tightening in his stomach and his balls.

He wants to come. He wants to impress Kirishima more. He wants Kirishima.

Bakugou: you better be fuckin touching yourself

Kirishima: um
Kirishima: does humping a pillow count
Kirishima: won't be able to type fast enough otherwise

Bakugou: fucking yes it counts
Bakugou: you wanna rut against me like that?

Kirishima: omg
Kirishima: yeah
Kirishima: god pls if u'd let me
Kirishima: *please *you'd sorry sorry!

Bakugou: shut UP and YES i would let you

Kirishima: shit katsuki i'd fuck you on the bike if you wanted

Katsuki can't stop the moan that escapes him. The image is so visceral and real and hot—whoever Kirishima is, he's on the other end of this line, and he wants to mess Katsuki up. Katsuki's hand flies over his dick, it sounds loud and dirty in his room, and he's not trying to last. He's close to bursting. He forgets that he knows almost nothing about Kirishima, except…

Bakugou: yeah i fuckign want that
Bakugou: tellme how youd fuck me

Kirishima: idk
Kirishima: fuck
Kirishima: sit u in my lap
Kirishima: or bend you over the front
Kirishima: make it good for you
Kirishima: wanna make you love that bike as much as i do

Katsuki's orgasm hits him like a punch to the face. He slams his eyes shut and shoves his face into his pillow, too embarrassed to make a ton of noise when he's (ostensibly) alone and Shouto and Izuku have each other to do this with. Right now he almost doesn't care, but he gasps out his low whines into his pillowcase as he comes, still fucking his fist weakly until he's too sensitive to touch himself anymore, and his violent trembling has stopped.

For a second he just lies there, unable to fathom actual movement. But soon enough—ding.

He pats his bed until he finds his phone again and drags it to his face.

Kirishima: Bakugou?
Kirishima: shit sorry was that weird???
Kirishima: i got carried away
Kirishima: just
Kirishima: thinking about you is like

Bakugou: you made me cum
Bakugou: stop freaking out

Kirishima: oh shit

There follows a long silence on Kirishima's end, but given what just happened, Katsuki can somewhat guess what's going on. He imagines cool metal and warm leather and an even warmer body pressed to his own, shaking the way he just did.

Kirishima: sorry……back
Kirishima: me too

Katsuki almost doesn't ask his next question, given how soon he's going to find out for himself. But he wants to imagine it better, Kirishima coming down from bliss, blinking at him, probably smiling at him. He's definitely got a dumb, dopey smile. Katsuki would put money on it.

Except the only image he has to associate with Kirishima currently is a fucking cartoon crocodile.

Bakugou: fair's fair
Bakugou: speaking of which, what do you look like?

Kirishima: oh
Kirishima: um i'm pretty tall
Kirishima: red hair. i dye it lol
Kirishima: and um… pointy

Bakugou: pointy?

Kirishima: you'll see pretty soon :D

Bakugou: uh huh.
Bakugou: guess so

Kirishima: goodnight!
Kirishima: i rly rly cant wait to meet you
Kirishima: ok goodnight for real lol

He signs off soon after that. Katsuki stares at his ceiling and wonders about how awkward he's just made Saturday night, and if he'll survive it. At least the food will be good.

And if he's being honest—now, more than ever, he's looking forward to meeting Kirishima, too.