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[ * send nudes ]

Chapter Text

Monsters and humans were living amongst each other again, but there had always been sort of a clear divide between the two… cross-relationships were still kind of a new thing and mostly brought disturbed looks from both sides, but.. here you were, swapping snaps with a chubby, slobbish-looking skeleton you’d met on the Internet. Mostly you just shared jokes and talked about life, but the latest message he’d sent you not only was out of the blue, but also extremely startling.

[ * send nudes ]

What were “nudes” to a skeleton? Were skeletons interested in titties? Did he want you to shed your mortal flesh and show off your ribcage, or something? Regardless of that, though, you can’t help but scoff at the mere insinuation that you’d just up and send nudes to some monster you barely knew.

You lock your phone and ignore him.

Twenty minutes later, you hear a familiar notification sound go off, and you check your phone again. Another snap from him. Begudgingly, you open it.. only to see a selfie of him just kind of pointedly glancing to the side.

[ * sorry ]

Sorry? He was actually apologizing? Not exactly the fuckboi attitude you were used to. You take a mildly irritated (and mildly blushy) selfie in reply.]

[ Is that all you wanted from me ]

[ * no. sorry. just curious ]

[ Curious about my nudes ]

[ * well when you put it like that, jeez ]

You lock your phone again and go back to what you were doing. The notification goes off a few times. You don’t check them until close to an hour later. Each snap he sends features a partial selfie of him, each one looking just the slightest bit more apologetic than the last.

[ * hey, come on, i’m sorry ]


[ * i’m not like that, i swear ]


[ * don’t ignore me, please ]


[ * i don’t have many friends ]

Wonder why.

Though, the last one does kinda hit close to home. You’d seen a bit of his social media before you started swapping snaps.. seemed like the only people he talked to were either his brother or some.. dogs? Dog monsters, obviously, but. Were you the first human he’d tried to befriend? Or maybe the first one he’d tried to bone – pun intended – or had interest in at all. You finally decide to reply.

[ Why did you want my nudes ]

The reply comes a little too quickly. Was he waiting this whole time?

[ * i thought that’s just what humans do on this thing ]

… Oh.

[ Humans aren’t all nudes all the time, dude ]

[ * sorry ]

Well, at least he was apologizing, still. You let things simmer down for the night and go to sleep, but get woken up a few hours later by another message.

It’s… a selfie of him, with just his mouth and bare ribcage (!!!) visible. His mouth is open, slightly, and you can see a translucent blue tongue peeking out. There’s a bright, white light shining from the center of his ribcage.. was that his soul?

[ * to make up for it. goodnight ]

O h. You admittedly stare at the sent image for a little longer than intended, glancing up as the timer clicks closer to zero. On an impulse, you quickly screenshot the snap, silence your phone, and go back to sleep. The repercussions are for awake-you to worry about.

Chapter Text

Well, it was morning and the repercussions of the night before filled your phone notifications like a groupchat that was back on their bullshit. Tons of blurry, panicked snaps and plenty of chat messages to go with them.

[ * what ]
[ * oh no ]
[ * cmon don't save that ]
[ * that's rude ]
[ * hey please delete that ]
[ * stop ignoring me ]
[ * please don't keep that it's way embarrassing ]

That one made you snort. More embarrassing than everything else he's sent to you?

[ * i'm drunk and/or high cmon ]


[ * please don't post that anywhere it's more personal than you think ]

... Oh. Well, monsters were pretty private about soul stuff. Come to think of it, you'd never even seen a soul before. You'd watched an educational video or two on the matter, of course, when monsters starting flooding Youtube with all sorts of things. Something something manifestation of your very being.

Well... that is pretty personal, actually. By definition.

You scroll through the rest of the messages, some repeating, some typoed.. did he keep this up all night? Another text chat message comes in.

[ * aaaaaaaaaa ]

Oh my god. What a drama queen. You decide to grace him with a reply, probably much to his relief.

[ Are you still drunk and or high ]
[ * i may have not stopped doing either of those things please delete that photo ]
[ Why did you send it to me if you didn't want me to possibly keep it ]
[ * i didn't know you could keep photos on this thing i thought they were temporary ]
[ I'm not gonna go post it anywhere calm down ]


[ * d e l e t e i t ]
[ No ]

And with that, you casually swiped your phone back into "do not disturb" mode so you could go about your day. Your very important day of doing.. fuck-all, in your pajamas. Gotta binge-watch that show you had been thinking about watching.. and only after about, oh, a dozen episodes, you finally check your phone. There's just a single message waiting for you.

[ * i'll do anything ]

Oh, powerful.

[ Anything? ]
[ * anything.]

You ponder for a few minutes, mulling some options over in your head. Money? Gifts? An introduction to his brother? ... Naaaahhhh.

[ Take me on a date ]
[ * when and where ]

Oh, shit.

Chapter Text

God, you had no idea how you got into this mess. You had arranged to meet him at a local café-- you didn't really think he'd show up, considering the distance, but you wanted a drink, anyway-- though the thought of actually meeting him face-to-face kinda made you... anxious. A happy, fluttery anxious, not fight-or-flight anxious.

You arrived early, got yourself your favorite warm drink, and settled in a corner booth by yourself. The time you'd agreed on came.. and went, slowly... you were almost disappointed. Oh, well. You finished your drink, posted a snap to your story, and headed out of the café-- only to run directly into the unfashionably late skeleton just outside the door.

"Holy shit, you actually--"
"sorry, sorry, i just. couldn't decide what was appropriate to wear, n'--"

.. You looked him over. He was wearing...... the exact same outfit he wore in pretty much EVERY snap he'd ever sent you, but with the noted addition of a clip-on bowtie that sat a little off-kilter on his shirt collar. It was.. adorable? But how did he even get here, didn't he live super far away..?

"... It's fine. I just had a drink, we can go back in."

You led him back into the café and got back in line. Once you ordered, he paid for the food before you even ask him about it, and you both went to sit down and eat. Just a sandwich each, and a big basket of chips to split between you... but this was probably the most awkward meal you'd ever shared with someone in your life. Sans avoided eye contact the whole time, nervously fidgeting with this little bowtie between bites of food. You watched him for a time. Ultimately, you set down your half-eaten sandwich and looked directly into his face.

"Hey.. you didn't have to agree to take me on this date if you didn't really want to, you know."

The skeleton monster was startled by the statement, looking to you with widened sockets before his gaze shifted down towards the basket of chips.

"no, that's not it, i just.. m'not good at this, in case you didn't tell."
"You showed up, so that's already putting you ahead of a lot of other people. But you didn't have to travel so far--"
"huh? oh, no, that wasn't a problem. i can teleport."
"...... What?"
"it's just. a thing i can do."
"Holy fucking shit?"

He can teleport? What the fuck? Sans fidgeted a little more, though this time more out of embarrassment.

"anyway, i just kinda never thought you'd want to do this kinda thing, so when you said it, i kinda jumped the gun a little? not like i really get dates."
"and i didn't really.. know what to wear, or do, or even say."
"... Oh. ... I mean, we could have just gone to my place and watched TV, or something. Not like I'm really good at this, either.."
"tv sounds a lot more appealing than awkwardly eating sandwiches in public."
"Yeah... it does. Let's finish up, and then we'll head to my place."

Sans seemed relieved by this decision, and you both finished your meals quietly before you led him back to your place.

This would surely go a lot better, right..?

Chapter Text

You stared deeply into the viewing window of your microwave as the little bag of popcorn went round and round. In the reflection, you can vaguely make out the skeleton monster chilling on your couch, idly watching the TV; he'd found some noir thriller flick that you'd never heard of, but the premise seemed interesting enough to tolerate watching with your monster buddy. After what felt like the longest two and a half minutes of your life, you took the bag out and emptied it into an oversized bowl before making your way back to the couch, plopping down next to Sans-- his hand is in the bowl before you even get fully settled.

Munch, crunch.

"I miss anything?"
"the chick killed him with an ice pick."
"Oh, damn."

His eyes- eyelights? -fixated on the screen as his hand moved almost automatically to grab another clump of popcorn. You ate yours in similar fashion, your gaze falling on him now and then until you found yourself lost in the movie, too. It was... a little _raunchy_ in some scenes, but neither of you apparently had the gall to say anything about it, like it was the movie-watching version of playing chicken.

By the end of it, you didn't really know what to think. Turning to ask Sans what he thought, you paused-- his sockets were shut, and he was snoring so softly...

.... Did this weirdo really fall asleep next to you?! You just sort of stared at him for a long moment before carefully standing. Well.. it would be a little rude to wake him, right? May as well, just.. grab a spare blanket and drape it over him. You did so very carefully! The TV was turned off, and you retreated to your bedroom (with the door locked behind you, naturally) to get some rest as well.

. . . .

The next morning... nothing had really changed. You chastised yourself a little for falling asleep with a sort-of stranger in the house; this notion was only made worse by the fact that he can apparently teleport. Sans was still asleep, though by now he'd changed positions and was curled up in an admittedly cute little ball with the blanket wrapped around him like a burrito. His snoring was a little bit louder than you liked, but you still found it a bit too rude to wake him up.. so instead, you start making breakfast. The toast had barely finished before you noticed a little white skull peeking at you from the couch, sleepy little eyelights all fuzzed out at the edges.

"............. food."
"Yes, food. You want some, sleepyhead?"
"........ yeah. sssshit. i didn't mean to just pass out like that, m'sorry."
"It's all good. Don't worry about it. Want eggs?"

You went about making breakfast for both of you, while he just tiredly watched from the couch with his head resting on the back cushion. Still so sleepy. His eyelights didn't come into focus until he heard the sound of cutlery against ceramic, and only then did he un-burrito himself and meet you at the table. Mentally, you weren't going to sugarcoat this... this breakfast was a little awkward, and silent. But you both ate rather quickly, thankfully, and Sans stood up not too long after cleaning his plate-- just to take both of your empty plates so he could wash them in the sink.

"Oh, that's-- you didn't need to--"
"least i can do for bein a freeloader. you cook pretty good, by the way."
"Oh. Th. Thanks."

Blink blink. You weren't really expecting that. Sans set the rinsed dishes on the dishrack, then came back to the table with his hands awkwardly stuck in his pockets. He averted his eyes from your face, a little embarrassed.

"so. uh. i'm gonna.. go, i guess. this was.. nice."
" ... Yeah. Uh. .... You wanna.. do this again sometime, maybe? Minus the awkward wait at a so-so café?"

He perked up a little, making eye contact-- did his eyelights just get a little bigger?

"what? uh. oh. uh. yeah. hell yeah. i'll try to.. find some more movies, yeah?"
"Sounds good. See you on Snap, I guess?
"yeah. heh. see you."

He gave an awkward little two-finger salute before teleporting out.

.... You kinda missed him already.

Chapter Text

Turned out you didn't even need to use your phone to keep in contact. Movie nights ended up being more common than you initially intended, usually happening about every couple of days or so. And yet, you couldn't really bring yourself to tell him no, or send him home. Not when he'd lean on you halfway through a rom-com, or even when he would fall asleep shortly after the movie ended-- you suspected he was doing it on purpose, and you kind of envied his ability to basically fall asleep at will.

One night, many weeks and movies later, he didn't just conk out and waited for you to look at him (probably to ask him why he wasn't asleep yet) before speaking up.

"hey, so. how about next week i make it up to ya for that meeting at the café?"
"Oh. Uh.." You'd honestly forgotten all about it. Oops.
"... i mean, just an offer, don't gotta say--"
"No, no, it's fine, I.. would like that, I think. Where are we gonna go?"
"dunno yet. i'll sleep on it."
"Sans--" Aaand he's already out like a light. What a little shit.

But, even after he'd slept and gone home, he still hadn't answered your question. Maybe he'd forgotten. Not that it was surprising; the monster had a knack for conveniently forgetting things, even shortly after they happened. The week came and went, and honestly, even you had forgotten his offer before he showed up at your door in slightly less baggy clothing than usual. And it was clean! What a rarity! An orange long-sleeved flannel shirt, jeans, and a cute orange knit cap atop his head that had a patch haphazardly sewn into it-- just a black square with white text reading "my eyes are up here".

"oh, i forgot to tell you, didn't i."
"Yyyyes, you did. At least I'm not in my pajamas yet.. but it's so late, you sure you wanna do this now?
"s'the most perfect time to. it's a bit of a walk, but don't worry. i know a shortcut."

He held out his hand, and you smiled a little and rolled your eyes before taking it. And before you could even finish blinking, you were both outside in the cool night air. Except..

"... Where are we?"
"way past the outskirts'a town. the view is better out here."
"View?" You looked around, then looked up.. and froze.

From horizon to horizon, the sky was full of stars. No light pollution whatsoever. The Milky Way was like a stripe of mixed paint on a dark canvas, perfectly framed in your field of view. You took a step or two back before gently falling back onto your rear, unable to stop yourself from just lying down in the crunchy grass to take in the full view. Sans joined you, of course-- or was he already sprawled out before you got down there??

"Whoa.... this is incredible."
"heheheh. figured this would be better than going to any noisy restaurants. i even brought dinner."

A split-second before you could even question him on the nature of said "dinner", he placed a bag of chips and a sandwich baggie on your chest. Inside said baggie, naturally, was a single grilled cheese sandwich. How it was still warm was beyond your comprehension, but the gesture was still greatly appreciated. You removed it from the bag and started eating it.. it might actually be the best grilled cheese you've ever had in your life. What the hell?

"... don't get too excited about it, i didn't cook it. my bro did. he insisted on cookin' when i said i was bringin' you out here."
"It's really good, though."
"well yeah, of course it is."

You laughed a little and scooted closer to him as you ate, then took out your phone to snap a little selfie with him-- why not save the moment? The sandwich was partially in your mouth, and Sans threw up a quick peace sign before the camera flash went off. But after that, you simply put your phone back in your pocket, and you both stargazed and chatted until the sun started to make itself known on the far horizon.

You sat up and stretched, before he did the same. What was he even stretching??? He didn't have muscles..

"guess we stayed out all night."
"S'that bad?"
"... nah. i should probably get you home, though. i think this is actually government property or something."

And just like that, you were back in your living room with him, right in your usual spots on the couch. He just looked at you with a big, cheeky grin and curved eyesockets, like if he were a cat that got into the cream. It wasn't until you saw him looking at his phone that you realized why-- that wasn't his phone, it was your phone! And he was looking at the selfie you took!

"this came out pretty good. you got my good side."
"Pffhh, I'm no photographer.. you want me to text that to you?"
"already doing it."

He sent the image to himself, then boldly started swiping through your photos, expertly dodging your hands every time you tried to grab for it.

"you can't take like ten thousand pictures of the same calico cat from every angle and not call yourself a photog...."

He cut himself short and went still, even as you reached over and finally managed to grip your phone.. and you soon noticed why. The screenshot. The one you said you'd delete if he took you on a date.

"you still have it?"
"I.. I just forgot to delete it. I'm sorry, I'll just--"

But before you could, he deleted it himself and gave you a little glance without turning his head.

"i told you it was real personal."
"I'm sorry.. I really did just forget, I promise.."

He allowed you to take your phone back, but he didn't look at you for a long minute or so.

".. you really promise?"
"Yeah. Absolutely."
"... ok. that's fine, then."

You managed to get halfway through a sigh of relief before you felt something against your face-- and it was then you realized Sans was gone. He had gently tapped his teeth to your cheek, and then teleported out before you could even register what happened. Your face flushed a deep pink, and you just sort of... stare into space, for a while...

. . .
. . .
. . .

The buzz of your phone brought you back to reality. There was a single Snap from him waiting, and when you opened it, you were greeted by the selfie you took with a message over it.

[ * maybe i'll do a repeat performance for you sometime. ]