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conversations about hedgehogs

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it's been a while since yoongi was up before taehyung. in fact, yoongi isn't so sure it happened ever before. of all the nights taehyung stayed over, for films, for dinner, just to cuddle on bad days, he was always up first and woke yoongi up by crawling under the blanket with him and pressing kisses all over his face. taehyung is so stupidly endearing, every little thing he does, the way he behaves, he talks. he's so beautiful, so cute, so smart and perfect and yoongi's heart jumps alone at the thought of him. they call this the honeymoon phase, but it's been a while since yoongi felt like this for anyone. he's never had a honeymoon phase in his other relationships. taehyung means so much to him. they've only been dating for two months, but he couldn't imagine being without taehyung. 

last night taehyung came over, because he says he can think better at yoongi's place, to finish his essay and when he submitted it with ten minutes to spare he passed out on the spot. yoongi had to wake him up to get him into bed and cuddle him to sleep. because he knows taehyung gets bad dreams when he isn't hugging something at night. 

yoongi woke up at seven to taehyung's left cheek squished against the pillow, lips pouty and bleached hair fanning over his face and his arms wrapped around yoongi's waist, holding him tight like a teddy bear. he looked so pretty and peaceful and sleepy and yoongi wanted nothing more than to hook one leg over taehyung's hip and let him pull him even closer. but he had a phone call to make and so he softly pecked his cheek and replaced his body with a pillow in taehyung's arms and left for the kitchen. 

now he is curled up on the kitchen chair and staring at the contact name on his phone. 


it shouldn't be this hard. all he has to do is tell her. that yes, he's still planning to come home for first advent, no, he's not single anymore and there's no lovely young lady for his parents to meet. he shouldn't have procrastinated coming out to his more than open and loving parents until he's twenty-three. despite what hundreds of lgbt websites say about it being his own decision, he feels guilty for keeping it from them. 

"yoongi!" his mother exclaims when she picks up. he can picture her, standing at the kitchen window, apron around her waist and probably preparing breakfast and coffee. 

"hey mom," yoongi smiles and plays with an empty tea cup from last night. he pulls the sleeves of taehyung's sweatshirt over his wrist and to his nose. it still smells like taehyung. like vanilla and strawberries and something yoongi can't describe that makes him feel happy and whole. like waking up on a sunday, during that one hour in the morning when the sunlight is golden, to the soft snoring of your dog or the person you love most in the world. 

"yoongi, dear, i was wondering if you'd call, are you still coming down for first advent? our neighbours are asking about you, and they've predicted heavy snowfall for early december, i need a strong man to help me in the garden," she says. yoongi grins and rubs his shin. 

"what about dad?" he asks. 

"what do you mean what about dad?" she giggles. yoongi laughs too. he missed her. but it feels a little tight in his chest, a little forced. 

"i'm definitely coming next month," yoongi says. 

please ask me, please don't ask me.  

"and are you bringing someone with you?" his mother asks, teasingly, because she always asks the same question, every year. he knows she expects him to say no. then she'll ask if he's still single, why doesn't he date. taehyung isn't his first boyfriend, but the first in a while, the first that makes him feel like that. the first that is really, really important to him. that important that he wants his parents to know. 

"that's what i wanted to talk to you about," yoongi says, pressing his eyes shut, he has to go through with this, he wants to, it will be fine, if only it weren't for his stupid anxiety. 

"i'm dating someone, mom," he says. 

she coos exitedly. 

"that's so nice! yoongi!" she exclaims and he can hear that she is genuinely happy and excited for him. 

"are you going to bring her with you? how long have you two been dating?" 

yoongi digs his nails into his knees when he responds. 

"not a girl, mom," he says and he gets a little light headed from how fast his heart is racing. 

"i have a boyfriend," he says, "i'm gay." 

for the three seconds his mom takes to answer yoongi feels like he can't breathe. like his whole body is stone. 

"oh," she breathes, softly, "yoongi" 

yoongi feels like throwing up. 

"your father and i well, we—we kind of figured, we just didn't want to assume." 

he feels tears of relief well up in his eyes. 

"so it's fine?" yoongi asks, and he hates how squeaky his voice gets, "you don't hate me?" 

he feels a little dramatic, but god, yoongi wishes he could hug her right now. 

"honey, we could never hate you," she says, voics trembling, "it's fine, baby, everything is fine, and we'd love to meet him," she sniffles a little, "i'm so happy for you." 

yoongi is sniffling too and wipes his nose on his knee, "thank you, mom." 

he can hear she's trying to pull it together, but her voice is still a little shaky when she says, "do you want me to tidy your room before you two come? put away anything that you think is embarrassing? you know i'm going to tell him all about your lady gaga phase anyway." 

yoongi laughs and he feels like a weight the size of a truck has been lifted off his chest. 

"mom," he wails. 

she wishes him a good day and tells him to say hi to taehyung before she hangs up. yoongi wipes at his eyes and stares at the phone. he hates crying. he hates feeling so much at once and feeling so vulnerable. but he just loves his mum so much. 

"hyungie?" taehyung asks from the door to his bedroom, squinting, voice hoarse and low, eyes half closed and hair messy, "come back to bed." 

yoongi wipes at his eyes and sniffles and gives taehyung a smile. 

"be right there, baby," he whispers.  

when he crawls back under the covers and turns the bedside lamp off taehyung clings to him immediately, pushes his hand under his sweater, comfortingly strokes his skin over his hip and presses kisses into his hair. 

"you're cold," taehyung whines. 

"suck it up," yoongi mutters, voice cracking a little. 

taehyung's hand stills on his back. 

"what's wrong?" he asks, softly, "why are you crying?" 

when taehyung talks like that to him, it's magic, it's like he has a superpower. when taehyung talks like that he feels warm and comfortable. taehyung's voice sounds like his kisses feel. 

yoongi hooks his leg over taehyung's hip and breathes him in. vanilla and strawberry and cinnamon and taehyung and affection and love and affection. yoongi is sure he's falling in love with taehyung. it's not been long but he's falling, he's tumbling, plunging, like alice down the rabbit hole he's falling uncontrollably in love with taehyung.  

"i just came out to my mom," he says. taehyung doesn't stop petting his hair. 

"how'd it go?" he asks. not, 'only now?' not 'why did you wait so long?'.  

"she kind of knew," he says, "she wants to meet you." 

taehyung laughs softly and doesn't stop petting his hair, "are you asking me to meet your parents?" he asks. 

"is it too early for that?" yoongi replies quietly. 

he feels so content here, with taehyung, safe, loved. 

"no, it's just," taehyung says, "nobody ever asked me to meet their parents before." 

yoongi doesn't know what to reply and just holds taehyung tighter. 

"you're like a little kitten, hyung," taehyung giggles into his hair. 

"shut up, baby tiger."  



yoongi wakes up to an empty bed, curled up in the middle of the mattress, nuzzling into taehyung's favourite shirt. the window is tilted and he can hear the birds and smell dry leaves and he can hear taehyung laugh outside. he yawns and falls back onto his back, stretches and sits up. he feels content. he's fine. happy even. 

he expected after yesterday to be too exhausted mentally to have a good day, he kind of dreaded waking up with that empty, cold hole in his stomach. but nothing. he feels fine. 

he puts on his jumper and a pulls a pair of sweatpants from bis duffle bag and makes his way down the stairs. the house smells like taehyung's apple pie and fall and he can tell the door to the garden is open, because he can hear chattering and the crunch of rakes on pavement. 

"and he was such a mess, you should have seen him," he can hear taehyung giggle, "but because he'd been staring all the time his coffee was cold and i didn't get any burns, but it was really cute." 

his mother laughs, "i can see that." 

yoongi feels his insides melt, like honey, and he slips into the old crocs and walks across the grass and snakes his arms around taehyung and rests his head on his shoulder. taehyung is wearing one of yoongi's old denim jacket and it's too tight everywhere, but he looks adorable all bundled up and warm and he showed his grandma's apple pie recipe to his mom because yoongi loves it and he is in yoongi's home, laughing with the person he loves most in the world. taehyung fits right in here, fits right into yoongi's world. he hopes he fits in the same way into taehyung's life and that he can keep him forever. 

"good morning, yoongi," his mom says. 

"good morning," yoongi smiles and untangles his arms from taehyung's body, slips his hand into taehyung's instead. 

"did you sleep well?" taehyung asks and tugs him closer into his side, because yoongi knows he looks like he's freezing, he's only wearing a hoodie and no scarf and he gets cold easily and taehyung always remembers things like that. 

yoongi nods, "you should have woken me up," he says. 

taehyung grins, "you looked exhausted from all the driving yesterday, i thought i'd help your lovely mother in the garden instead." 

his mother laughs and slaps his arm bashfully. 

"do you always charm mothers like this, taehyung?" she smirks. 

yoongi groans at her hinting at taehyung's exes. who does that. 

"nobody i've ever dated cared to introduce me to his mother before, actually," taehyung smiles. 

"a hedgehog!" 

taehyung bounces up and down in front of the window, a mug of hot tea in his hand. 

they piled all the leaves near the shed, where it's warm and protected from snow— or rainfall.  

"shouldn't they be hibernating now?" yoongi mutters and turns the light off, so they can look outside. 

"not all hedgehogs hibernate," taehyung says, "some want to stay up." 

yoongi huffs. 

"if you were a hedgehog you'd hibernate all fall and winter and half of spring," taehyung grins. 

"not all of spring?" 

"i'd wake you up because i'd get lonely without you." 

"if we were a hedgehog couple i wouldn't hibernate without you," yoongi says. 

the hedgehog waddles through the grass, towards the little plate with ham they put outside. 

"but who'd feed you?" taehyung asks, sipping his tea. he sounds genuinely worried and the sun rises in yoongi's heart. 

"we can just eat all summer and get fat and then we don't need to eat, isn't that what they do anyway?" 

taehyung hums, "i don't know, really." 

they're so caught up in discussing their hedgehog life and whether they'd have three or five hedgehog babies, because uneven numbers are nice, no way they'd have four if they could have fice, and two is too few, they don't notice yoongi's father come down the stairs and sit down next to yoongi's mother. she's knitting, another monster of a sock in colours that shouldn't go together, that are plain hideous. yoongi loves his mother's socks more than anything, he wonders if this christmas she'll send him a package, with a present for taehyung. 

"hyung," taehyung breathes into his ear, "hyungie." 

yoongi moves only to reach for the direction of taehyung's voice to pull him down and ah yes—taehyung has showered already and he smells nice. yoongi drifts off to sleep again. 

"wake up," taehyung says with a giggle and tries to shake yoongi off while simultaneously pulling him closer. 

"nnghhggnng," yoongi protests. 

"it snowed," taehyung grins, "like, a lot, enough for a snowman, or a whole family!" 

yoongi opens one eye at the time and once he manages to tear his eyes off of taehyung, he looks out of the window.  

white. the trees, the houses, the shed, the garden, everything is white and glowing in the rising sun and everything is peaceful and he's warm. it's another good day. the third one in a row. 

yoongi is so happy he could cry. 

"it's your birthday soon," he mutters, voice still hoarse. 

"in a month," taehyung says. 

"still, i don't know what to get you." 

"you don't have to get me anything." 

yoongi snorts and hooks one leg around taehyung's waist. 

"you're kidding, of course i'm going to get you something, and it's going to blow you away," he says. 

taehyung giggles. 

"it's going to be your best birthday ever," yoongi says, "i'll plan a whole date and a party, because you like parties, and oh i just had a great idea." 

he pecks taehyung's cheek and looks at him. taehyung's face is the way it his when he grins or smiles, the way it completely lights up and his eyes crinkle and it fills yoongi with glitter and warmth and goo and taehyung avoids his eyes and he's blushing. 

they sit like that for a while, looking at each other and at the snow outside, and yoongi feels happy, he feels so alright and he feels so much that it's almost too much. he wonders if this is how other people always feel. if this is normality for people that are not depressed. he doubts it. maybe he's just in love, he thinks, and yeah, he can get that, he can get why taehyung would make him feel like that. because the boy is happiness and kindness and everything good personified. he's everything that's good and everything that yoongi loves and even his flaws aren't flaws, they're things that make taehyung him, even if they sometimes fight. sometimes a voice inside of him pops up and tells him he doesn't deserve taehyung. that nobody deserves him. but his therapist slides in and says that yes, he does deserve to be happy. and then he remembers when taehyung said he never felt like he feels around yoongi before. he remembers when taehyung said he loves it when yoongi clings or when he brings him coffee on long library nights, how they take care of each other, how well they work together. he loves how talented yoongi is, how he makes music that really touches people and that speaks for them, and how rare that is. he said he loves how funny yoongi is and called him endearing and beautiful. maybe yoongi makes taehyung as happy as taehyung makes him. 

he said all of those things on a bad day. when yoongi was so drained and empty that he couldn't even cry. taehyung worried because he hadn't texted back all day, he looked for him all over campus and even at his flat, just because he wanted to bring him something he bought because it reminded him of yoongi. instead he found him curled up in his studio, miserable, rude, cold and starved half to death and he put down the gift before yoongi, took his hand and told him all those things. just to comfort him. back then they'd only dated for a few weeks and yoongi was so sure that taehyung would leave him, because he doesn't deserve to date someone with depression. that it was too hard for him, that he would drag him down. but taehyung had stayed, said all the right words. they still comfort him now. 

yoongi presses a kiss on his neck. a thank you. 

"boys!" his mother calls from downstairs, "it's already eleven!" 

yoongi laughs and crawls out of taehyung's arms and puts on taehyung's hoodie, the same one he wore yesterday and days back, when he called his mom. 

three weeks into their relationship yoongi joked that the best thing about having a tall boyfriend was the big clothes. and then taehyung had to be cute and told him he can have all of his clothes that he wants because he looks pretty in them. 

"breakfast," taehyung sing-songs, "do you think we can eat apple pie for breakfast?" 

yoongi shrugs, "only if you get out of bed now," he says. 

taehyung is on his feet before yoongi even finishes, "you're always sleeping in, really, so lazy," he says and dashes out the door before taehyung can tickle -attack him. 

taehyung happily munches on a piece of apple cinnamon pie while making conversation with his mother.  yoongi only stares. taehyung's hair falls into his eyes and his cheeks are full and he tries to swallow before he talks, and his mother coos at his good manners. 

"would you two be so sweet and shovel the snow for us? at least the driveway?" 

taehyung nods enthusiastically, "i'd love nothing more." 

she giggles in delight and pets yoongi's hair. 

"he wants to build a snow man," yoongi mutters, "and then he'll start a snow ball fight, because he doesn't get cold, ever." 

she doesn't stop messing up his hair, "some fresh air will be good for you, after months in the city." 

"seoul has excellent air quality actually." 

"not like here!" 

taehyung giggles. 

"i'll make you kids hot chocolate later," she says, "real hot chocolate, not that instant stuff." 

yoongi fakes a whine, "mom i'm not a teenager anymore." 

he looks over and taehyung stares at him with the same fondness in his eyes that yoongi had earlier. 

"mhm, i know," his mom says and presses a kiss to his head, "thank you darling." 

yoongi shovels the last square foot of snow into the pile on the side and flings the shovel right after. he yawns and stretches and something cold and wet hits him just below his belly button almost immediately. yoongi shrieks. 

"kim taehyung!" he yells and dives under the next snowball his giggling boyfriend throws at him. 

"you're dead!" 

taehyung runs before yoongi can even scoop enough snow into his hands.  

"come back!" he yells but taehyung is giggling and yelling as he stumbles across the snow, too confident in his stupid long legs to consider that yoongi can easily catch up with him. 

you don't become captain of the highschool basketball team when you're 1,60 if you can't run like someone twice your size. 

yoongi jumps onto taehyung's back and tackles him to the ground, rubbing snow into his face and neck and cheeks until he whines and begs for him to stop. 

"hyung, please," he gasps, eyes wide and sparkling, his entire face flushed and his grin wide and bright and stretching across his face an oh god, he's glowing. 

"you're staring," taehyung mutters, catching yoongi's eyes. 

"am not," he says. 

taehyung turns over on his back, lying underneath him. 

"are too," he grins and cups his face with one of his mittens. 

then he winces dramatically. 

"what's wrong?" yoongi asks, just to play along. 

taehyung pulls him in closer by his neck. 

"my face is really cold, hyung," he complains. 

"oh no," yoongi licks his lips, still grinning, "what can we do about that?" 

but before taehyung responds he's kissing him. 

his entire body runs hot, he feels it rush from his head to his toes, this is one of those kisses. 

the kind that tilts your world upside down, that makes you see stars that makes your limbs all tingly and gets you handsy and— 

"taehyung," he protests when one of taehyung's hands (ungloved) runs up his stomach. 

"hm?" taehyung makes. 

"we have neighbours." 

taehyung rolls his eyes playfully but retracts his hands and settles them on his waist. 


yoongi smiles when he kisses taehyung again, "mhm." 

he forgets they're lying in the snow, and that it's four degrees below zero. he's lying on top of taehyung, protected from the cold and kissing him. taehyung's lips are always soft, because he uses carmex religiously, and his skin is warm and damp and glowing from the snow and yoongi breaks away, just to look at him. 

he's so beautiful. he's so beautiful it hurts a little. 

taehyung smiles at him, a little puzzledly and smacks his lips. 

"you're having that look again," he says. 

"what look," yoongi says, tracing taehyung's features with his eyes. his scarf is wet and pulled up to his chin. yoongi is mildly worried that taehyung might get a sore throat. 

"like i put the stars in the sky," taehyung giggles teasingly. 

yoongi snorts. nevermind, give him all the sore throats in the world. 

"what, didn't you?" he asks and leans over him, closer, while reaching over his head to grab a hand full of snow. 

"well—" taehyung starts but he doesn't get to finish because yoongi dunks a hand full of snow into his face. 

he gets up, tries to run away but his knees are stiff from the cold and taehyung yanks him down by his hand. 

"oh no," he yells, "you're not getting away, you—" he pants, "i should have known you were up to something, talking sweet like that." 

yoongi can't stop laughing, so much his stomach hurts because taehyung is whining and pretending to be angry, but he is so cute. 

and taehyung kisses him, on the nose, and shoves a snowball down his neck. 

his mother tsks when she puts down two mugs of hot chocolate before the two, making sure they're both tucked tightly into the thick woollen blanket. it's the one she always gave yoongi when he was sick, when he was a baby. the one that had been around for all his childhood and adolescence.  

"you silly kids, did you have fun?" she asks. yoongi doesn't even protest the 'kids' part when taehyung chirps an affirmation. 

"thanks mom," yoongi says and she ruffles his hair. 

"you're very welcome," she smiles and leaves the room. 

yoongi nuzzles closer into taehyung, because he's always warm and yoongi is always a little too cold, just right when he's with taehyung. 

"so," he reaches for he remote on the coffee table while he places his legs over taehyung's lap in a way that's most comfortable, "love actually or the holiday?" 

taehyung looks at him, sighs, "do you think we're ready for this yet?" 

yoongi nods seriously.  

taehyung frowns, "love actually?" 

yoongi nods, satisfied with the reply, and presses enter, "i just really appreciate that it's got gays, you know? and colin firth and keira knightley, the holiday is cute but in no way on the same level as love actually." 

yoongi grins at taehyungs rant, resting his head on his chest, "you're so right," he sighs. 

he feels like he could fall asleep when taehyung had his hand in his hair and whispers along to the film.