Chapter 1: Not What He Seems
"Mabel! Hurry! Shut it down!" Screamed Dipper. Mabel nodded. She pulled herself along the wire towards the button.
"No! Mabel, Mabel, wait! Stop! Aah!" Soos knocked Stan away from Mabel.
"Soos, what're you doing?! I gave you an order!" Stan struggled in Sooses grip. Hitting his head.
"Sorry, Mr. Pines - if that is your real name - but I have a new mission now! Protecting these kids!" Yelled Soos. He was going to protect the pines twins at all costs. The big lovable muffin kept his iron grip on Stan. Both were struggling against one another.
"Soos, you idiot, let me go!" Yelled a desperate Stan. Dipper flung himself towards the two men, joining the fray.
"Go! Mabel, press the red button! Shut it down!" Shouted Dipper. Stan shoved Dipper out of the way.
"No, you can't! You gotta trust me!" Stan cried out reaching towards Mabel. Mabel was clinging to the button. Tears streaming up her face.
"Grunkle Stan, I don't even know, if you're my grunkle! I wanna believe you, but--" Stan's heart broke seeing Mabel like this.
"Then listen to me. Remember this morning when I said I wanted to tell you guys something?"
‘T-minus twenty seconds.' The computer counted down. All scream as the portal flashes and pushes Dipper, Stan, and Soos against the opposite wall. Mabel prepares to push the button.
"I wanted to say that you're gonna hear some bad things about me, and some of them are true, but trust me. Everything I've worked for, everything I care about, it's all for this family!" Said Stan.
"Mabel, what if he's lying? This thing could destroy the universe! Listen to your head!" Stammered out Dipper.
"Look into my eyes, Mabel! You really think I'm a bad guy?" His eyes filled with sincerity.
"He's lying! Shut it down NOW!" Yelled Dipper.
"Mabel, please!" Cried, Stan.
‘Ten. Nine.' counted down the Computer. Mabel looked and away from them, lowering her hand towards the button. She looked at her Grunkle.
"Grunkle Stan…" She whispered.
‘Six. Five.' Steadily the computer counted down. Mabel lifted her hand.
"I trust you." Said Mabel. She let go of the button and began to float up in front of the portal.
"MABEL, ARE YOU CRAZY?! WE'RE ALL GONNA-" Started Dipper.
‘One' The computer finally finished counting down.
Dipper, Stan, Soos, and Mabel all disappear in an explosion of light as each of them screamed.
Their screams filled the basement. A huge flash of blinding light engulfed all of Gravity Falls. Then, suddenly everything came crashing down to earth. The portal was now a mess of tangled wires and metal. It was glowing a bright blue color. Two figures emerged from the portal. The blue light faded behind them. The smaller one walked forward and placed a six-fingered hand on the cover of the first journal. Then he picked it up and placed it into the inside pocket of a long, dark coat.
"What...? Who are they?" Stammered Dipper.
"One of them is the author of the journals…" the mystery man pulled off goggles, revealing his face. He looked nearly identical to Stan, slightly younger though. "...my brother." finished Stan. The taller figure behind him pulled off their hood to reveal a fair faced young woman with three eyes. She had short white hair with two long braids at the back of her head. (imagine padawan braids)
"Is this the part where one of us faints?" Whispered Mabel to Soos.
"Ohoho, I am so on it, dude." Laughed Soos, then promptly fainted.
"Finally! After all these long years of waiting, you're actually here! Brother!" Exclaimed Stan as he walked towards Ford with his arms open. His face was swiftly punched by Ford.
"Oh! Ow! What the heck was that for?!" yelled Stan, nursing his bruised cheek.
"This was an insanely risky move: restarting the portal! Didn't you read my warnings?!" Yelled Ford. The woman held his arm back slightly with a worried expression on her face.
"Warnings, schmarnings. How's about maybe a thanks for saving you from what appears to be, I don't know, some kind of sci-fi sideburn dimension?" Smirked Stan.
"Thank you? You really think I'm gonna thank you after what you DID THIRTY YEARS AGO?!" Ford blew up! He could not believe the risks that Stan took, all the lives he put at risk.
"What I did? Why you ungrateful..." Stan tried to punch him but Ford ducked and grabbed him. "Don't expect me to go easy on you, just because you're... family." Ford slammed him to the ground. Ah!" Screamed Stan.
"Hey, hi. Mabel here. Quick question: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Yelled Mabel.
"Stan, you didn't tell me there were children down here. And some sort of large, hairless gopher?" Ford eyed Soos with skepticism.
"Heh heh. I get that a lot." Said Soos nonchalantly with a shrug.
"They're your family, Poindexter. Shermy's grandkids." Stated Stan.
"I-I have a niece and nephew?" Ford began to shake Mabel's hand. "Greetings. Do kids still say greetings? I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time."
"Whoa, a six-fingered handshake? It's a full finger friendlier than normal!" Mabel's eyes were filled with excitement.
"Heha, I like this kid. She's weird. What do you think Lottie?" Ford said to the white haired lady.
"Hello Child," her voice was very soft, soothing. She softly patted Mabel's hair. "My name is Lottie." Mabel looked at the three eyed woman with star eyes.
"I-I can't believe it. You're the author of the journals!" Dipper was star struck.
"You've read my journals?" Questioned Ford. He wasn't quite sure if he was comfortable with a child so young reading the horrors in his Journals.
"I haven't just read them; I've lived them!" He began circling. "I've been waiting for so long to meet you, I-I don't know what to say I have so many questions I" He began to hyperventilate. "Oooooohhh I think I'm gonna throw up." Mabel came over to comfort him. "Hmmpf! No-no, false alarm. Hmmpf! Just gotta ride it out!" Both Ford and Lottie looked at the child with concern. Lottie quickly ran over to make sure he was okay. Examining every inch of him.
"Listen, there'll be time for introductions later. But first, tell me, Stan: Are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?" Questioned Ford. He jabbed Stan in the arm.
"No, just us. Also maybe the entire U.S. government." Shrugged Stan.
"The what?!" Shouted Ford. Lottie and the kids looked over at the Stans. Lottie had Dipper's mouth open inspecting his teeth. The Security camera showed Agent Power
"Fan out! We're not going anywhere till we find Stan Pines and those kids!" Ford pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Okay. It's all right. We've got a while before they find this room. We just need to lay low and think of a plan." Sighed Ford. " Lottie here." He snapped his fingers
"Yes Master Pines." Lottie let go of Dipper and shuffled over to Ford's side.
"Well, it looks like we're stuck down here for a while. Who wants to tell us their entire mysterious backstory?" Mabel gave the air side nudges.
"Yes, I have some questions about this myself, Stanley," Ford said pointedly at Stan.
"Stanley?" Dipper said in disbelief.
"But your name is Stanford." Whined Mabel.
"Wait, you took my name?! What have you been doing all these years, you knucklehead?!" Ford moved to grab Stan. Lottie held him back once again.
"Master Pines I don't-" She was drowned out by Dipper.
"Yeah, Grunkle Stan, no more lies! You owe us some answers: What's the deal with this portal? Why did you keep this a secret?" Dipper was seething.
"And what happened between you and your brother?" Mabel looked concerned. She didn't want the two brothers fighting.
"I hope all this aligns exactly with my fanfic, Stan. If not, I will be very disappointed." Stated Soos. He seemed very serious about this.
"Okay okay okay, I have a lot of explaining to do. It all started... a lifetime ago... nineteen sixty something. Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey." Stan began to tell his side of the story. The group had settled down on the ground. Mabel and Lottie we cuddled up together absolutely enthralled with Stan's tale.
"I traveled the whole country, sometimes outside of it, always one step ahead of the law, looking for something that would be my big break." Ended Stan.
"Whoa. So that explains all the fake IDs." Breathed out, Mabel.
"That is so sad." Mumbled Lottie. She had some tears in her eyes.
"But, wait, what about you? Did you end up going to your dream school?" Dipper asked Ford.
"Not exactly…." Ford entered his own story. Lottie had heard it all before. Ford told her a little while after they came together. But now she had heard Stan's side of the story too. She knew a lot of their problems could have been fixed if they had just communicated. Every so often Ford would be interrupted by Dipper screaming about the journals. Soon it got to the point where their stories converge. Each Brother telling his side of the story. Learning that Stan had faked his own death to help find Ford.
"So all this time you were just trying to save your brother. Grunkle Stan, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you." Dipper sounded sincere. He really felt bad. This was his Grunkle. He should have trusted him.
"That's okay, kid. I probably wouldn't have believed me either." He patted Dipper's head.
"But wait where do you come in Miss Lottie?" Asked Mabel, who was in her lap. Lottie moved to answer but Ford beat her to it.
"I found Lottie on one of my adventures. She was being held captive on a ship. Her species the Bubalini are very sought after for their life restoring properties."
"HA! SO THAT'S WHY YOU LOOK SO YOUNG! You look exactly the same since you were sucked into the portal" Exclaimed Stan. Ford laughed slightly.
"Yes, Lottie has been kind enough to share her powers with me as a gift for saving her. But I do say it is weird to see you so old." He turned to Lottie. "Lottie if you don't mind?" She nodded.
"Yes, Master Ford." She scooched over to Stan.
"I'm sorry if this is a little invasive Master Stan." Lottie apologized softly.
"What are you gonna-" Stan was cut off by Lottie who cupped his cheek with one hand while she placed her other over his. She guided his hand to the middle of her chest. Stan's face grew red and hot. Soon she began to glow. The glow flowed through her into Stan. Soon his features began to soften, his hair began to get it's color back. Even his wrinkles were gone. He felt his clothes get tight with his old muscles returning. Then the glowing stopped. Lottie slumped, her hands falling away from Stan. Ford began to clap.
"DO ME! DO ME!" Screamed Mabel as she danced around.
"Now now my little one, If I were to do you you would be no more than a babe, We don't want that now do we?" Chuckled Lottie
"Good show Lottie it is always impressive to see you like that."
"Thank you, Master Ford," She wiped the sweat from her brow. "You know I am to do your every bidding sir.
"Hot Belgian Waffles! I'm not fat and old anymore!" Stan began to dance in victory. Mabel had to join in.
"Yes, Lottie is very effective. She is one of the more powerful of her race. I sure did cause quite a stir when I rescued her. I mean the conditions she was in! It was the only rational thing to do. Unfortunately, her race is enslaved so she had no home to go to, like me." He patted her head. "She appointed herself as my serv- I mean assistant. Willed her life to help me. I have been grateful. Poor thing knowing nothing but servitude. Naturally, we had to make her not stand out so we cut her hair. The Bubalini are known for their long white hair."
"Lottie I am so sorry that all this happened to you!" Mabel threw herself into the woman with a huge hug. Lottie hugged the small child back.
"Now now my child, now that I am here with Master Ford there is nothing wrong. And now I have you wonderful children to look after. My race is all female and does not have the ability to have children, so I would be so honored to take care of you." She grabbed Dipper also into the hug she and Mabel shared. Soos came from behind to join the hug as well.
"I heard talking! It was coming from downstairs!" A muffled voice said. Breaking the moment.
"Oh no, it's too late, the agents are comin' for us!" Stan was almost in full panic mode.
"What do we do?!" Asked Mabel as she clung to Lottie.
"Aw, man. I was so spellbound by your dramatic tale I forgot all about those dudes." Said Soos. That's when the light bulb went on in Dipper's head.
"Wait, forget. That's it! I think I know a way we might be able to defeat those agents!" He took Fiddleford's Memory Gun from his bag and handed it to Ford. Ford took it gently horrified that a child was in possession of this weapon. Then the light bulb dinged in his head too.
"Of course! I don't know how you got a hold of one of these but, this is perfect! If I can just amplify the signal to a radio headset frequency…" He plugged some wires into the gun and looked through some viewing glasses to see the agents running into the shack.
"There. Now everyone PLUG YOUR EARS! GET DOWN! NOW!" Lottie grabbed the children and covered them and her ears. Everyone followed, plugging their ears. Two agents stood outside.
"Sir! Looks like there's a hidden door behind the vending machine!"
"Excellent! Get me Washington on Line 1! I've been practicing sounds of excitement for this very occasion. Hey, do you hear that?" Said Agent Powers. A wave of sound suddenly passed over all the agents. The agents recovered. Feeling very disoriented.
"What? Where am I? Why am I standing in front of some sort of goofy fun knick-knack house?" Asked Powers. Ford came out on the front porch.
"Stand down, gentlemen! I've been sent with the latest intel from Washington." He flipped through some of Mabel's drawings she had made for the mock report. "According to this very real report, the power surges in Gravity Falls were actually due to radiation from an unreported meteor shower. A total embarrassment for your whole department. Luckily I'm here to take this mess off your hands, but I'll need of all your... floppy disks, and 8-tracks...right?" The agents still looked confused but went along anyway.
"Uh, everything about this case is contained on this drive." Powers motioned to Trigger to give Ford the flash drive.
"Well, what are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek? Get out of here before I have your butts court-martialed!" Said Ford, in his best authoritative voice.
"Uhh, yes sir. Apologies, sir." Powers gave a whistle. "False alarm, everyone!" He saluted Ford on his way out. Soon the government agents had all left. Ford gave the goat the flash drive, and the goat ran away with it in his mouth. Everyone joined Ford on the porch. Lottie falling at his side.
"Great uncle Stanford, that was amazing!" exclaimed Mabel.
"Let's not go crazy; it was serviceable." Shrugged Stan. He wasn't impressed, he could outwit any government agent. Ford chuckled.
"Thank you, kids, but please, call me Ford."
"Sure! Thanks, Great Uncle Ford. So, uh," He held up a pen and notepad and clicked pen excitedly. "would you mind if I ask you a couple billion questions about Gravity Falls?" Ford rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.
"Um, well I-uh…" He began.
"Alright, kids, it's been a long day and I and my brother have a lot to talk about. Why don't you hit the hay, huh?" Stan interrupted.
"But, it's the author!" Even more, clicks erupted from the pen." I've been waiting so long to ask questions about-"
"I said. Hit. The hay!" Said Stan. It was final. Lottie touched the kid's backs.
"Here children, How about I tuck you in and tell you a story before you go to bed." Lottie smiled and guided the children into the house.
"I'll just... let myself out." Soos said awkwardly. He sidestepped away, and then when he was out of sight, he called Wendy.
" Wendy, I've got something amazing to tell you. Clear the next fourteen hours!"
The brothers went back inside. They spied their reflections in the mirror.
"Look at us. When did we become old men?" Stan said softly.
"You look like Dad." Stated Ford.
"Ugh, uck, don't say that," Stan said with mock disgust. They both erupted with laughter. Lottie just had come down the stairs to join the men.
"Okay, Stanley here's the deal. You can stay here the rest of the summer to watch the kids. I'll stay down in the basement and try to contain any remaining damage. But when the summer's over, you give me my house back, you give me my name back, and this Mystery Shack junk is over forever. You got it?" Said Ford with a sigh.
"You really aren't gonna thank me, are you? Fine. On one condition: you stay away from the kids; I don't want them in danger. Cause as far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I have left." He walked into the kitchen. Ford went to his room and slammed the door. Lottie wasn't quite sure which to follow. She decided to follow Stan into the kitchen.
"Master Stan, the children are tucked in tight into bed. Um, since this is your home as of now may I ask where I can sleep." Stan who was sitting on the kitchen chair. He wiped his hand over his head.
"Uh you can take my bed, I can sleep on the couch." Said Stan.
"OH, No, no Master Stan I can't take your sleeping spot! I shall sleep on this couch!" She quickly said. She would hate to take the man's bed after he had opened up his home to her.
"Look, Lottie, It's just Stan. No need for all this master crap." He got up to make some coffee. He knew he wasn't going to sleep much tonight anyway.
"Maste- I mean Stan. I'll make that for you, sir. I don't mind doing all the work, trust me." She smiled at him and took over making the coffee. Stan grumbled and returned to his seat. Soon Lottie had joined him. Two hot, steaming cups of coffee on the table.
"So, Poindexter saved you, huh," Stan said trying to break the awkward silence between them.
"Yes. I remember like it was yesterday. I was being held on a Federation ship. Being loaned to high-end clientele. As you saw my power can be quite intimate. Ford helped me to get it to where I don't have to be physically intimate anymore. This one particularly rough client was…" She paused. Stan looked at her with concern. "Master Ford heard the noises and rushed to my aid… He saved my life…According to the laws of my people, I am life bound to whoever frees me. So with Master Ford, I stayed. He has been good to me, a little tough but good. So I stay."
"You've definitely had it, rough lady," Stan said softly as he sipped his coffee. She made some damn good coffee.
"But Master Ford has delivered me to my wish. I have two beautiful children to care for now. He knows that was my greatest wish." She smiled fondly into her coffee. Stirring it slowly.
"That must be really sad for you. But if you can't have kids how does your race continue to exist?" Stan was just curious now. He gazed into her third eye. It was in the middle of her forehead. Her eyes were blue, but the middle one was a nice green color. It was different, but Stan didn't mind. It didn't take away from her beauty.
"Well to put it as simply as possible, There is a hive of sorts. We are grown by a singular Queen. Even we don't know how it works since we are ripped and sold right after our ‘birth'." She shrugged.
"Well Stan, Just Stan. I will be off to bed. I will see you in the morning." She touched his shoulder before walking into the living room. Stan stayed there for a moment. He knew life was going to get very different here soon.
Chapter 2: D&D& More D Part 1
Stan awoke to the smell of breakfast, which was weird since he was the main cook of the house. He threw on his robe on and walked into the kitchen. What he saw would make any man's day. Lottie, who was in nothing but a white nightgown, was currently standing at his stove flippin' pancakes. Next to her was a big plate of eggs and bacon. She turned around when she heard him walk in the room. Pan in hand she swung around to greet him.
"Oh good morning Stan! I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of making sustenance for the morning. It took me a minute to figure out this human cooking device but I managed!" She shoved a plate full of food into his hands and guided him to the table. The pancakes looked perfect, the bacon just the perfect amount of chewy and crunchy. And the eggs. God, were they heavenly. She poured him a mug of hot coffee.
"I'll go get the children ready for the day. You tuck in!" She dashed out of the room and up the stairs. Ford was next into the kitchen. He quietly loaded up a plate of his own and sat across Stan.
"Well, I'm glad Lottie didn't blow up the kitchen this morning. She is not the best at learning new skills." Said Ford.
"I don't know why you'd say that, I mean look this is the most perfect breakfast I've ever seen!" Stan retorted. Soon the sound of little feet hit their ears. Dipper and Mabel rushed into the kitchen. Lottie right behind them. They sat next to their respected Grunkles. Mabel next to Stan and Dipper next to Ford.
"Now children you must finish all of your plate. You want to have enough energy for the day." Lottie places plates with massive portions in front of the twins. Then two glasses of milk to drink.
"Oh and don't forget to drink the milk! It is supposed to make your bones strong!" She ruffled Dippers hair.
"Yea, because Dipper needs it! Ha Ha!" Laughed Mabel. Causing Stan to laugh as well.
"Hey! I might not have muscles, but I do have my brain!" said Dipper, earning a nod from Ford.
"Master Ford, Stan seconds?" Lottie offered. Stan nodded. She smiled and loaded his plate once more. She looked at Ford.
"No thanks, Lottie. It was adequate. I am going to the lab. I need you to join me as soon as possible." He got up and left his plate on the table. Lottie's smile faltered for a second.
"Yes, sir. Just let me freshen up and get this mess cleaned up and I'll be straight down."
"I'll be waiting," Ford said. Lottie quickly cleaned his plate from the table.
"Anyone else wants seconds or thirds?" She nudged Stan. Who laughed slightly. Both Dipper and Mabel were full. Stan as well.
"Well, then you kids go out and play! Be careful!" She ushered the kids out of the room. She turned to the leftovers and packaged them up into the fridge. Then she gathered all the dishes up into the sink.
"Hey Lottie, Don't worry about the dishes! I got them, you go freshen up." Stan said while putting his dishes in the sink. He noticed that her dress was currently getting wet and a little see through. His cheeks turned pink.
"Are you sure Stan? I don't mind doing chores! I do Master Ford's all the time!" Lottie protested.
"Look Doll, You cooked a killer breakfast today, the least I could do is clean up. Now the bathroom is the second on the left!" A huge smile graced her face. She enveloped Stan in a huge hug.
"Oh! Thank you, Stan! I'll make sure I'll cook more often!" she kissed his cheek and dashed out of the room. Stan stood in the spot for a second. His face was all hot and red. He muttered under his breath and started on the dishes.
Mabel and Stan were sitting in the storefront. Stan was sitting and reading the newspaper, while Mabel was on the floor munching on some snacks.
"I just ate a bag of Cheese Boodles without using my hands. Lazy Tuesday, you are delivering in a big way!" Exclaimed Mabel.
"Heh. Yeah. It's nice to finally have a day where nothing interesting happens whatsoever." Shrugged Stan as he continued to read the paper. Suddenly the vending machine popped open. Ford had the Cycloptopus on his arm. Lottie quick behind him. The twins screamed.
"Get down! Don't let it taste human flesh!" Yelled Ford
"Watch out children! It's Dangerous!!" Lottie tackled Mabel and Dipper to the floor. Ford punched the Cycloptopus and it dropped off his hand and crawled around the room.
"What is it?!" Asked Dipper.
"Can we keep it?" Asked Mabel with her hands clasped together.
"No." Was Lottie's pointed answer. Stan began to hit the Cycloptopus with his rolled up newspaper.
"Kill it! Kill it!" He screamed. Ford jumped across the counter with action hero prowess. He chased the poor thing into the corner.
"Patience... and," Then the cycloptopus' eye turned into a screaming mouth."Gotcha!" He shocked it with his gloves and held up its burnt body.
"Great. Now get it outta here. It smells like if death could barf." Spat out Stan, Holding his nose.
Dipper ran over to Ford with Journal 2.
"Great uncle Ford! You need any help with that? I've read all about these creatures in your journal, and I think I know how to--"
"No! I'm sorry, Dipper, but the dark weird road I travel, I'm afraid you cannot follow. Well, Lottie, you can have the rest of the day off, call me for dinner!" Ford closed the vending machine door behind him. Lottie walked up behind Dipper and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Maybe next time then? Or not? Or never." Said Dipper disheartened. Lottie pulled him into a side hug.
"Aww, Dipper, don't take it so hard." Said Mabel.
"Yes, Dipper. Master Ford is always this way, even to me!" Lottie attempted to console him. Twack. Stan hit Dipper with his newspaper.
"No, do take it hard. Take it hard and serious. My brother is a dangerous know-it-all, and the stuff he's messing with is even worse. Do yourself a favor and stay away from him, you hear me?" Lottie gave stan a pointed look that Stan ignored.
"But, Grunkle Stan, all summer long I've wanted to know who the author of the journal was. Now the guy lives in our basement and I can't even talk to him."
"Don't worry about what's in the basement. You belong up here with me and Mabel. And Lottie."
"Yeah! Besides, the season finale of Duck-tective is airing this Friday! That's all the mystery you'll need this week. Quack with us, Dipper! Quack, quack quack quack…" Exclaimed Mabel.
"Huha, yeah! Quack quack, quack quack…" Stan joined in the quacking.
"Duck-tective?" Lottie looked confused. Why were Mabel and Stan acting like ducks? Dipper looked forlornly at the vending machine.
"Quack quack quack, a quack quack quaaaacck. Quuaaaaa... Why isn't he quacking?" She pointed at Dipper.
"Why are you quacking?" Asked Lottie as she hugged Dipper.
"Duck-tective!" Yelled Mabel.
"What is this Duck-tective?" Lottie asked. Still very much confused.
"You've never seen Duck-tective!?!" Gasped Mabel!
"Whew-boy… Here we go again…" Stan sighed as he face palmed. Mabel shoved Dipper out of the way. She grabbed Lottie's hands.
"You have to watch Duck-tective with me, like all of it!!" Lottie looked at Mabel's face. It was super hard to say no too.
"Just agree. She'll make you watch it one way or another." Said Dipper as he stood up. Brushing the dirt off of him.
"I will watch this Duck-tective thing with you, but on one condition." She gave Mabel a mischievous look. "You'll have to help me cook dinner! Ha!" She pointed to Mabel victoriously. Mabel shrugged.
"That doesn't seem so bad?" said Mabel.
"That includes, getting the ingredients, preparing them, cooking them, serving them, and at last cleaning up afterward!! Mwhahaha!" Laughed Lottie as she began to tickle Mabel, who began to giggle.
"Ingredients, Huh? That sounds like a trip to the store," said Stan. Mabel and Dipper looked at each other with a smile.
"Does this mean we can go to the mall?!?" They said in unison. They began to do a happy dance.
"I mean sure, why not? We have a couple more mouths to feed and clothes." Chuckled Stan. He would never get tired of the twins antics. They reminded him so much of him and Ford when they were younger.
"What is this mall?" Lottie cocked her head inquisitively. Ford had told her about many human things but not about anything called a mall. She had always been fascinated with Human things after she had met one of Ford's friends, who a blue haired fellow.
"GASP! YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE MALL!!?!" gasped Mabel.
"Mabel, She's an alien. She won't know anything about human society." Dipper said flatly. "But if we do go, you'll have to hide your third eye, Lottie. Is that okay with you?" Dipper asked. He didn't want to offend her. He didn't know much about how to interact with aliens, even ones as nice as her. Lottie chuckled and ruffled his hair.
"Of course my child. I know I must change my appearance to integrate with this human society." Said Lottie. Her third eye closed slowly, and suddenly some skin began to grow over it rendering it invisible.
"There. How does that look?" She asked the group that was staring at her. "What?"
"That was amazing! I didn't know you could do that! Great Uncle Ford doesn't have that written in your section of the Journal!" exclaimed Dipper. He began to scribble into a journal of his own.
"Master Ford has written about me in his Journal?" Lottie asked she was a little confused. Ford had said nothing about that to her.
"Who cares! Let's go to the mall!" Mabel said as she jumped onto the counter in a pointing pose. The others giggled.
"Yes child, let us depart!" Lottie said with a laugh. She was so happy she had such wonderful children to look after. They were so lively! Mabel frowned and jumped down. She began to tug at Lottie's dress. It was gray and a little tattered.
"You're not going to wear that are you?" Asked Mabel. Lottie looked at her dress. She didn't see anything wrong with it. Master Ford had given this to her.
"Well, Yes. It is the only garment I own other than my sleeping gown." Lottie was confused.
"Well, it simply won't do! Good thing we are going to the mall so we can get you some new clothes!! Mabel, the fashion lady, has got you covered." Said, Mabel, as she took Lottie's hand and dragged her to the car. Dipper and Stan followed.
"I am grateful that you would do this for me. Master Ford had only allowed this outfit to me. I do believe it doesn't have much time left in it!" Lottie smiled. Mabel was such a helpful child. Such a big heart.
"Okay, Kiddos. You get to sit in the back. Lottie get's the front." Stated Stan as he started the Stanley-Mobile. The kids grumbled but hopped in the back. Lottie looked at the car with fascination. She had never seen a car in person! It looked so fun. Stan rolled down the passenger window.
"You gonna get in Doll?" Lottie scrambled to open the door. She sat down in the front seat.
"Seatbelts on." Said Stan. Mabel and Dipper fastened their seatbelts. Then looked at Lottie expectantly. She grabbed the belt with confusion. What was she supposed to do with this? Stan sighed and buckled her in.
"Great, it's like I have a third child to look after!" Stan teased. He looked at Lottie with a smirk. She blushed and looked away.
"Hold on Doll!" Stan yelled as he sped off towards the mall.
The ride to the mall was filled with questions by Lottie. She was glued to the window. Anything she saw that she didn't know she asked about. Dipper and Mabel were more than happy to answer her questions. Stan just watched. He liked to see the wonder in her face. It was refreshing to see someone so happy to know what a road sign did. Soon they were at the mall. Stan pulled into the parking lot. As soon as the car stopped the twins popped out. Stan walked over to the passenger side door to let Lottie out.
"Well, we're here." He said as he offered his hand. She took it with a slight blush on her face. Master Ford had never been this kind to her. Mabel watched the two. She was exploding on the inside. She had found a new romance to initiate.
"Ew. Grunkle Stan is being gross."Said Dipper. Mabel slapped his arm.
"Wow! This place is just crawling with humans, Mabel! Is this like a gathering spot or something?" Lottie said looking at the mall with wonder. Mabel latched her hand onto Lottie's.
"Yes, now let's go make you beautiful!" Mabel dragged her into the mall. Lottie tried to wave a small apology to Stan and Dipper.
"Well, Mabel has officially lost it." Said Dipper. He looked at Stan with bewilderment.
"Eh, that's just how women work. Let's go get groceries." Stan shrugged and walked into the mall with Dipper in tow.
Mabel pulled Lottie into the closest clothing store. She squinted at Lottie.
"Now let's see what size you are. You're like super tall. Like taller than Grunkle Ford tall." Lottie rubbed the back of her head slightly. A store attendant approached them.
"Do you need help finding sizes?" The lady asked. Mabel nodded.
"This woman only owns like two outfits! She needs a makeover STAT!" said Mabel. The woman gasped in horror.
"Oh, you poor thing! I have just the thing." They pulled Lottie deeper into the store. The shoved her into a dressing room. Lottie was confused to be in this small room.
"Um, Mabel sweetie? What is it that I am supposed to be doing in here?" She asked through the door. Five dresses fell on her face from above.
"Try those on! Then come out!!" Screamed Mabel. Lottie chuckled at the girl's antics. She carefully hung the dresses up. Looking at them individually. Something practical would be what Master Ford would want. She tugged off her dress and shifted into a nice plain yellow dress with long sleeves. It was a little short for her, only reaching her knees. She slowly opened the door and stepped out. She looked at Mabel nervously for approval.
"Too plain! Next!" said Mabel. Lottie nodded, trusting Mabel's judgment. She tried the next dress on. It was a long strappy dress with slight ruffles on the top. Lottie had never had her shoulders exposed before! It definitely felt different. She popped out again.
"That one looks nice! Maybe with a shawl over it?" The attendant said to Mabel. Mabel nodded.
"This one is a yes! Try on some more!" Mabel's fist pumped.
"I am allowed to have more than one?" Lottie asked. She was so happy! Master Ford only allowed her one!
"Well of course silly! What else are you going to wear when that one gets dirty! Now go try on some more!" Lottie rushed back into the dressing room. She was having so much fun! Mabel gave her more dresses and even introduced her to these things called leggings! Mabel helped Lottie pick out a few dresses and some shirts and pants. They decided it would be okay for her to wear one of the outfits out since hers was a little raggedy. They even got her some shoes! Lottie had never known shopping to be so much fun! Bags in hand they decided to join the boys.
Dipper and Stan were in the pasta aisle when the girls approached them. Stan took in Lottie's new look. He decided she looked much better in pants than she did dresses. She was wearing a baggy shirt over some black leggings with some boots on.
"Well, Ta-dah! What do you think?" Asked Mabel, gesturing to Lottie. Lottie rubbed her head shyly.
"Hey, you clean up good Doll." Said Stan.
"Yeah. It's definitely better than that old dress you had on" Said Dipper approvingly.
"Well good because we have to hurry out of here! I kinda forgot to pay the people at the store sooooooo" Said Mabel awkwardly twiddling her fingers.
"YOU WHAT?!?!" Yelled Stan! He shoved both of the twins into the
shopping cart and began to run to the car, Lottie in tow.
It seems the Pines family ran away from the law once again that summer. They all laughed about it on their way into the house, bags in hand. Lottie and Mabel were putting the groceries away when Ford walked in.
"Lottie where have you been?! I have been looking for you all afternoon! You know I like Dinner at 5:30! And What the heck are you wearing!?" Yelled Ford at Lottie.
"We were at the mall Master Ford. Mabel helped me get some new clothes since my dress was getting a little old. Plus we got some groceries!" Lottie held up some bags of food smiling. Ford frowned shaking his head. Lottie's smile fell.
"Just tell me where you're going next time and start on dinner!" Ford stomped out of the room.
"Yes, Master Ford," Lottie called after Ford. Mabel frowned. Why was Grunkle Ford being so hard on Lottie? Lottie placed a hand on Mabel's shoulder.
"Hey there. You want me to watch Duck-tective? Then let's start on dinner!" Lottie gave Mabel a reassuring smile. Mabel smiled as well and nodded. Lottie taught Mabel everything she could about cooking. They had a load of fun cooking together. It was a chore to keep Mabel from putting glitter or stickers in everything. But at the end that had made a delicious casserole for the Pines family.
"Now Mabel my child, you get cleaned up for dinner and let the others know it's ready. I'll serve the food." Lottie pushed Mabel out of the kitchen. She began to set the table. Four place setting was on the table. Ford and Stan entered the kitchen.
"Woah Doll, This smells good!" Stan complimented her as he sat down at his place.
"Oh thank you! Mabel said you liked simple food so I tried my best." Said Lottie. She was still blushing at what he said. Master Ford rarely complimented her. Dipper and Mabel joined soon after and took the remaining seats.
"Wait, Where are you going to sit?" Asked Mabel. Lottie tried to answer but once again Ford interrupted her.
"It is customary to her race to not eat at the same table as her Superiors," Ford stated. He began to dig in without another thought.
"But Lottie, Here you are equal as us." Said Dipper. He felt kind of bad. She had cooked this amazing meal and didn't even get to share it with her family.
"Yea Doll, Grab a seat!" Stan said patting the empty seat next to him.
"I mean is it really alright with you?" Lottie asked timidly. They all nodded, except Ford who was eating. Lottie smiled and joined the Pines family at the table. Dinner went smoothly. The casserole was a hit and was asked to be made again. Afterward, as promised Lottie watched Duck-tective with Mabel. Mabel had fallen asleep half way through. Lottie carried up to bed and continued to watch Duck-tective until it was over. Lottie curled up on the couch ready for sleep. She had a great day.
Chapter 3: D&D&MoreD pt. 2
Lottie and Mabel were sitting in the family room. Lottie was playing with Mabel’s hair as she was writing a letter. They were absentmindedly watching tv. It was featuring the rebuilding of the town after all the gravity anomalies.
“Lottie, Mabel! You'll never guess what I found at the store today!” Said Dipper as he entered the room. He had a package in his arms.
“Dogs! Dogs with hats!” Answered Mabel.
“A new recipe for dinner?” Answered Lottie.
“No, it's my favorite fantasy-talking, level-counting, statistics and graph paper-involving game of all time: Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons! You wanna play it with me?” He showed the cover to the girls. Mabel was ogling the elf.
“Well, I do like unicorns, and that hot elf looks promising. How do you play?” asked Mabel. She wanted that hot elf.
“I have never gotten to play a game before?” Said Lottie. Master Ford never played games with her.
“The rules are simple. First, you roll a 38-sided die to determine the level of each player's statistical analysis poweroid. These orbs relate directly to the amount of quadrants that your team has dominion over, which is inverse to the anti-quadrants in your quadrant satchel.” He began to read from the massive rule book.
“And then we ride unicorns?” Said Mabel excitedly.
“Yes! and No” Said Dipper. Mabel frowned.
“First, we make a graph.” Dipper held up some graph paper.
“This is like Homework: The Game.” Mabel lost all interest.
“Come on, Mabel, I need at least two people to play.” Cried Dipper. “Lottie?”
“Master Ford told me I wasn’t good at math so maybe I better not. Sorry, my Child.” Lottie apologized. It was at that moment when Soos walked in.
“Oh, wow, would you look at that: two people!” Mabel pointed to Soos and moved to the table.
“Huh. Hey, Soos, up for a little game of D&D&MoreD?” Said Dipper
“Aw, sorry, Dipper, I don't go in for that pen and paper kind of stuff. I'm more of an FCLORPer.” Answered Soos.
“A wha-?” Dipper had no clue what he was talking about. Soos held up his wristband.
“FCLORP: Foam and Cardboard Legitimate Outdoor Role Play. It is where a passionate brethren of craftsman, bring their dreams to magical reality.” Lottie thought that sounded quite fun given the people you would play with.
“Well, thanks anyway, Soos.” Sighed Dipper. Stan walked into the family room.
“Say, is this that game that's mostly math and writing and isn't anything like the picture on the box?” Asked Stan.
“Yes! It is! You wanna play with me, Grunkle Stan?” Dipper said with hope.
“Ha! Look, kid, I prefer to do my dice rolling in Vegas. Besides, only a game designed by nerds would have "charisma" as a fantasy power. Heh. Check this out: When facing yon adversaries, shield thyself, under an elfin buttress.” He read from the book. He shook his butt when he said buttress. Lottie giggled.
“Haha, say it again!” Laughed Mabel.
“Buttress,” Stan said again with his little dance. Lottie, Mabel, and Stan all started cracking up.
“Hey! Laugh all you want. You guys just aren't smart enough to understand it.” Dipper grabbed the book from Stan.
“Heheh. Sorry, dude, but it is kinda nerdy. Well, I'm off to lay siege to a goblin fortress.” Soos put on cardboard helmet and took out a cardboard sword. “To my grandma's backYARD!” He said as he ran out. Lottie put a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sure you’ll find someone to play with you. Here I’ll watch you show me how to play.”
Dipper brought them to the back yard with the goat.
“Oh, nice! You rolled a seventeen!” Said Dipper to Gompers. The goat just bleated.
“Aaannd this is sad. Maybe I should start obsessing over Wendy again.” Sighed Dipper.
“Now Dipper it’s okay. I thought you were doing good.” Lottie tried to reassure him.Gompers took the dice from Dipper's hand.
“Hey, give it back! Come on, Gompers, let go!“ He pulled it out and fell backward, dropping the die under the porch in front of a hole, ”Aw, man, my 38-sided die!” Dipper drawled under the porch.
“Be careful my child!” Said Lottie.
“Whoa, what AAAAAHHHH!!!” The floor under Dipper gave way. He landed on the floor of the basement.
“Dipper my child are you okay!” Asked Lottie.
“I’m the basement Lottie I’m fine.” Answered Dipper,
“I’ll be right down,” she called. Dipper Looked up to see the die next to the cycloptopus, picked it up.
“Dipper! Stop!” Cried, Ford.
“Great uncle Ford!” said Dipper
“What did I say about coming down here? My work is far too dangerous for a single living soul to spend even one second i- wait! Is that a 38-sided die from Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons?!” Ford was flabbergasted. He hadn’t played D and D and more D since he was in college. He didn’t think it was still popular.
“Yeah! Y-you know that game?” Dipper apprehensively asked.
“With pen and paper, shield and sword…” Started Ford.
“Our quest shall be our sweet reward!” They finished together. They both laughed.
“This is my favorite game in the whole multiverse! I can't believe they still make it!” Ford had found an inter dimensional version but it wasn’t as fun. Plus Rick always cheated.
“They do! And I've been looking all day for someone to play it with me! Lottie tried but she isn’t good at it.” Shrugged Dipper.
“My boy, do you know what this means? We must stop everything I've been working on at once... and PLAY!” The Cycloptopus latched on to the side of Ford’s face. Lottie had just made it down to the basement at this time. She shrieked.
“OH MASTER FORD!!!” She quickly pulled the Cycloptopus off his face. Ford’s face was covered in welts. Lottie quickly put it back into the jar.
“That's... going to leave a mark.” Said Ford blankly.
“Oh Dipper! You found someone to play with you! I’m so glad.” Lottie patted his head.
“Oh! I need to go help Mabel with the snacks!” Lottie dashed up stairs to help Mabel. The boys shrugged it off and began the game.
Mabel, Stan, and Lottie were in the Kitchen. Lottie was organizing all the chaos Mabel had made.
“Okay. We've got everything we need to watch the season finale of Duck-tective tomorrow. I even made mouth-ramps so we can pour food into our mouths without taking our eyes off the screen.” She poured some food into her mouth using the contraption she had made.
“You’re so ingenious my child.” Praised Lottie. Stan showed some horrifying taxidermy nightmare.
“And I recreated the main character out of some spare taxidermy parts. PQuack quack. I'm the duck detective! Who stole my bread loaf?”
“Hahaha! That is so messed up! Dipper would LOVE that!” Squealed Mabel.
“Heh. Yeah. Where is the little squirt anyway? I haven't seen him all afternoon.”
“Oh, he and Master Ford are playing D and D and more D in the basement.” Said Lottie.
They all just shrugged and continued their snack count.
“Alright. You've entered the chamber. Princess Unatainabelle beckons you. But WAIT! IT'S A TRAP!” Said Ford dramatically. He was rolling the dice between his fingers. Dipper gasped.
“An illusion cast by Probabilitor the Annoying.” Continued Ford.
“You know his weakness, right?” Asked Dipper smugly.
“Prime-statistical anomalies over 37 but not exceeding 51!” They said unanimously. Dipper rolled the dice.
“Yes! Uh! In your face, you cardboard wizard!” Dipper jumped for joy. Ford held up a picture of Probabilitor.
“Hm. The old boy looks a bit different than he did back in my day.” Stated Ford.
“Mmm, yeah, they change the art every few years. Thankfully you missed the period when the creators of the game tried to make it "cooler." “ Dipper had a small flashback of Hip Wizards.
“Must have been dark times, those 90's.” Shivered Dipper.
“Yeesh. Sounds like a good time to be stuck between dimensions.” Added Ford.
“Great uncle Ford, I've been meaning to ask you: where were you before you came out of that machine, and what have you been doing down here? Are you working on something behind that curtain?” Dipper wanted to know. It had been bugging him ever since Ford returned.
“Dipper, it's best if you and the family stay away from that subject. Honestly, I'm not sure any of you could handle the real answer.” Ford firmly answered.
“But, but I can handle it-” Whined Dipper. Ford interrupted. He dumped out a bag.
“Ah-ah! But I can show you something I brought back with me: An infinity-sided die.”
“Woah... that's so cool. And... impossible!” Dipper was easily impressed.
“These things are outlawed in 9,000 dimensions. You wanna know why? Look at those symbols. Infinite sides mean infinite outcomes. If I rolled it, anything could happen. Our faces could melt into jelly. The world could turn into an egg. Or you could just roll an eight. Who knows. That's why I have to keep it in this protective cheap plastic case. Now, back to the game! You've got Probabilitor on the ropes.” The boys played until dinner time. Afterward, Lottie put the twins to bed.Mabel is trying to sleep and Dipper was still writing on graph paper on the floor.
“Hohoho man. And then, if I had a dragon here, and then a plus three fire mode-” Muttered Dipper.
“Dipper, are you going to go to sleep? You've been saying dork words for hours.” Complained Dipper.
“Sorry, Mabel, I got to finish this dungeon. It's going to totally stump Great uncle Ford tomorrow, I can't wait to see the look on his face.” Said Dipper.
“You're uh, spending a lot of time with old Fordsy lately, huh?’ Asked Mabel.
“You have no idea. I knew the author must be cool, but he's better than I imagined. And, he doesn't make fun of me all the time, like you and Grunkle Stan do.”
“Give 'im time, haha! Heyooo! Nah, you got me. You got me.” They soon fell asleep.
The next morning was the day of Duck-tective. Grenda and Mabel were at the door. Mabel was wearing a Duck-tective sweater.
“Thanks for coming over to watch tonight's Duck-tective finale, Grenda!” Said Mabel.
“Of course! I'm so invested in the lives of these characters!” Answered Grenda. Lottie and Stan came down the stairs.
“ Hey-hey, look at you! Someone's all dressed up.” Mabel nudged Stan and Lottie who were both wearing nice clothes.
“It's a big night. I think we all remember where we were when we learned Duck-tective was shot.” Answered Stan. They all looked down in sadness.
“Who is your lovely friend, Mabel Dear?” Asked Lottie.
“This is Grenda!” Mabel introduced them. Suddenly Mabel’s alarm went off. They all gasp.
“Viewing positions, everyone!”
They all ran to the living room, but stopped and gasped when they see that Dipper and Ford have laid their game all over it.
“Ah! Graph paper! Kill it! Kill it!” Yelled Grenda. She began stomping on it.
“Dipper, could you maybe move this to another room?” Whined Mabel. She really wanted to watch Duck-tective.
“No dice! We ran out of room in the basement and we're going for a world record! Now, dice! 32, yes! 7,000 points damage!” Said Ford. He had rolled a perfect 32.
“You got me!” Laughed Dipper.
“Oh, why, why with this? You wanna break a record, Ford? You already got it with world's nerdiest old man.” Complained Stan.
“Hey, at least I'm not all keyed up to watch a kid's show.” Smirked Ford.
“I'll have you know that Duck-tective has a big mystery element! And a lot of humor that goes over kids' heads!” Said Stan.
“I liked it, Master Ford.” Said Lottie quietly. She twisted her hair.
“I don't get a lot of it, but I like animals in human situations.” Said Grenda with her loud voice.
“Grunkle Stan, it starts in a few minutes!” She tugged Stan’s sleeve. He moved to take the paper off the tv. Ford grabbed his hand.
“Move that and pay the price!” Challenged Ford.
“Oh, what, fifty magical dwarf dollars?” Mocked Stan, even using hand gestures.
“Don't mock our fantastical monetary system!” Ford was getting mad.
“I'll mock all I want, it's my TV room!” Yelled Stan. Lottie began to get between them.
“It's my house, you... sigh. Listen, Stanley, did it ever occur to you to if you joined us you might actually have fun?” Ford was done with arguing.
“What? Now you listen to me!” Stan took Ford's bag. ”As long as I live I will never…”
“Grunkle Stan, wait!” Cried Dipper.
“Ever…” Continued Stan.
“Stanley!” Yelled Ford.
“Stan calm down.” Said Lottie.
“Play your smarty-pants nerd game!” Finished Stan. He threw the bag to the floor, and the infinity sided dice rolled out.
“No!” Cried Ford and Dipper. The dice landed on the Probabilitor side. Soon the game glowed and Four Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons characters appeared.
“Mortals of dimension 46'\, kneel before me and snivel! I am Probabilitor! The greatest wizard in all of mathology! Give or take an error of 0.4.” Said the mathy looking wizard.
“Eh, is this normal?” Stan said, rubbing his head. Lottie jabbed his side with her elbow.
“Have you come to send us on the quest of a lifetime because we're the smartest players you've ever met?” Dipper said hopefully.
“You are the smartest players I've ever met! That's why I'm going to eat your brains to gain your intelligence. It's what I do.” Probabilitor shrugged.
“It's his thing.” Said the Ogre.
“What?!” Shrieked Dipper.
“Seize them!” Probabilitor pointed at Ford, Dipper, and Lottie. Ford took out his gun.
“Your math is no match for my gun, you idiot!” Probabilitor shot a Laser at them destroying the wall.
“Math ray! I'm not here to play games!” He grabbed Ford, Dipper, and Lottie and flew out, followed by the other characters. “Now to the forest, for the ultimate game!” He said as they faded into the distance.
“So, the room's free now. Who wants to watch Duck-tective?Nobody? More couch for Grenda!” She squeaked a Duck-tective toy. Stan and Mabel stared at her blankly.
“Oh no! That crazy wizard is going to eat our brothers' brains! We have to stop 'em!” Cried, Mabel.
“Eh, maybe let 'em get a couple bites in Ford's brain first. Even things out smartness-wise.” laughed Stan.
“Grunkle Stan! They have Lottie too!” Mabel shouted.
“Alright, alright. I guess if we have no other choice, we'll go on a...Sigh epic wizard quest.” Stan mopped his hand over his face.
“YAAAAYY!!” The girls screamed.
“Everyone grab a weapon,” Stan said.
He grabbed a bat from the couch cushion, Mabel took a rake, and Grenda took the chair.
“Heh. Nice!” Grenda said.
“We're coming for you, Dipper! And Great uncle Ford! And Lottie! and possibly that hot elf, if he's got anything to do with this.” Said Mabel. They ran off into the forest.
Back in the forest, Probabilitor had Ford, Dipper and Lottie tied up to a tree. He began to measure their heads.
“Heheheh. With each brain I eat, I shall increase my enchantelligence.” Said Probabilitor evilly.
“If my hands were free, I'd break every part of your face.” Threatened Ford. Probabilitor ignored him.
“The time has come! Hot elf! Ready the brain-cooking pot!” He pointed to the elf.
“Sighs, Yes, Probabilitor.” He shook his hair and shot a flaming arrow at the pot. Lottie was not liking this.
Grenda, Mabel, and Stan were walking through the forest. Stan slapped his neck.
“We must be getting close. These fairy bites are getting more frequent.”
“ Hey, look, listen.” cried the fairy seconds before it’s death. Suddenly the Ogre jumped in front of them.
“Halt! Yon interlopers are trespassing on the ancient forest of Probabilitor the wizard! If ye wish to pass, first, ye must complete seven unworldly quests, each, more difficult than the--” He was interrupted by Grenda.
“NOW!” She screamed. Then hit him on the head with the chair and he collapsed.
“Is he... dead?” Mabel poked him with her rake.
“He's magic, sweetie. I'm sure he's fine.” Comforted Mabel
“There's no cops in the forest. We take this to our graves.” He whispered to Grenda who shared his wink.
“Heheheheh!” laughed Probabilitor.
“What do we do? What do we do?” Dipper was panicking.
“Dipper my child, Calm down. I will do my best to protect you.” Said Lottie.
“Stop thinking, Dipper! The more wrinkly your brain gets, the more he'll want to eat it!” Said Ford.
“And now, a little math problem: when I subtract your brain from your skulls” He hit Ford and Dipper with his staff,” add salt, and divide your family, what's the remainder?” Probabilitor snarked.
“YOUR BUTT!!” Mabel screamed from behind the bush.
“What? My butt isn't part of this particular equation.” Probabilitor said.
Grenda, Mabel, and Stan jumped out of the bushes.
“Drat! How did you make it past my one guard? Very well. There's only one way your family can save you. YOU must defeat ME in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons: REAL LIFE EDITION! Hahaha-hahaha!” Probabilitor summoned a game board.
“What? Oh, come on!” Stan whined.
“I choose my characters…” Two ogres appeared in the game” vs... “Dipper, Ford, and Lottie appeared as elf characters in his hand. “ yours…”
“Ah! My ears! They're so pointy!” Ford said as he fondled his ears.
“There better be something protective under this tunic.” He turned around and opens tunic. “Oh, no, there isn't!”
“Really Probabilitor! You call this armor!” Lottie was dressed in a very skimpy outfit.
“Seriously, can't we just, like, arm wrestle or something?” Stan suggested.
“Come on, this game is a lot of fun. I had my mom pack me a lunch.” He took some apple slices out of a paper bag. “Ew, apple slices? I'll eat you last.”
“Uh, just make with the rules, ugly.” Stan popped some gum in his mouth.
“The game is a battle royale. We help our characters by casting spells determined by rolls of the dice. If you win, I'll go back to my own dimension.” Stated Probabilitor. Mabel began to clap.
“But if I win, I eat their brains.” finished Probabilitor.
“Hey, I'm not sure this is such a good--” Started Dipper.
“DEAL!” Shouted Stan.
“Oh boy.” Dipper face palmed. He knew he was going to be in a world of hurt soon.
“Let the game... BEGIN!” Probabilitor rolled a 13. “Attack!” The ogres tried to hammer the trio with their clubs. Lottie scooped Dipper into her arms, as they started to run away.
“What do we do? What are our moves?!” Stan asked. He was thoroughly confused and slightly panicking.
“There are no moves; you make them up!” Explained Dipper from his spot in Lottie’s arms.
“What? Really?” Stan said. He wasn’t sure if his imagination was up to par for this.
“Yes! I tried to tell you: this game involves math, but also risk, and imagination!” Explained Ford as he tried to dodge the Ogres.
“Risk?” Stan began to rub his hands together. This was just live Vegas he thought.
“Imagination? Grunkle Stan, make something up! It's just like lying!” Mabel was excited to use her imagination.
“I cast, uh... shield of... shielding!” Stan rolled a 14 and a shield appeared in front of the trio. “Ha! We're doing it!” Exclaimed Stan. Probabilitor frowned.
“Shield of Shielding Reversal Spell.” He rolled the dice and the shield dispelled.
“I cast: Giggle Time Bouncy Boots!” Yelled Mabel. She rolled the dice and boots with springs appear on them.
“Woah! Great job Mabel sweetie!” Praised Lottie. She and the boys began to jump over the Ogres.
“Hot flamey sword!” Yelled Mabel again. Soon a sword appeared in Dipper's hands. “Super hot flamey sword!” Continued Mabel. The sword just got longer. Dipper jumped over a large Ogre and sliced him in half. Ford followed suit and destroyed an Ogre of his own. Lottie was not as confident. She stood there sword shaking in her hands. With what some would call a mighty roar she ran towards the Ogre. She opened her eyes to see the Ogre disappear in front of her.
“Stan I did it!” She called to Stan. She was so filled with adrenaline.
“Nice job Sweetheart!” Praised Stan. This earned a frown from Ford.
“No! Drat, you! You'll never outrun my” Probabilitor was getting frustrated. He rolled his dice again, “Ogre-nado! It is what it sounds like!” Explained Probabilitor. The Ogre-nado blew away the gang's swords. It began to chase them across the battlefield.
“I cast: CENTAURTAUR! YAH!” Mabel tossed her dice and a horse with another horse body for a head appeared.
“Mabel, I am so confused and so proud right now.” Stan brushed a tear from his eye.
“Mabel Sweetie, We need to work on that imagination!” Said Lottie. The gang mounted the centaurtaur and it ran away from the ogre-nado.
“Go go go, Dipper go! You can do it!” Cried, Mabel.
“Come on, you guys! Go! Go!” Said Stan at the same time.
The centaurtaur ran into a smaller room and disappeared. The ogre-nado tried to follow but falls apart. Mabel and Stan both cheered in victory. Then out of the blue Probabilitor summoned The Impossibeast. It grabbed the trio. They all squirmed in its grip.
“Hahaha yes! I was saving the worst for last!” Cackled Probabilitor.
“Oh no!” He was not ready to die at the hands of a D&D& More D character.
“The Impossibeast! Hey, I thought they banned this character!” Argued Ford. He couldn't believe Probabilitor cheated!
“Think again! I'm playing the controversial 1991-1992 edition!” Explained Probabilitor smugly. The Impossibeast slammed them against one of the walls. They all cried out in pain.
“I'll think of some weapons!” Mabel quickly said. She began to roll the dice.
“You don't understand. This is the most powerful monster in the game! He can only be defeated by rolling a perfect 38! But the odds of that are--” Ford tried to rationalize. Stan snatched the dice from Mabel and began to shake it.
“Hey, long odds are what you want when you're a world class gambler! Alright, Stan, you can do this... Papa needs a new pair of... TWINS!” Cried, Stan. This is what Vegas used to feel like the thought. All watch as the dice rolled to a perfect stop. It had landed on a 38. Probabilitor screamed out in agony!
“Sorry, nerd-wizard. All your smarts are no match for dumb luck.” Stan brushed off the invisible dust off his shoulders.
“I cast DEATH MUFFINS!” Yelled Mabel.
“We need to talk to Mabel about that dark imagination,” Ford whispered to Lottie who nodded. Muffins with dynamite sticking out of them appear their hands. They all tossed the muffins into the Impossibeast’s mouth in unison. The poor monster didn’t know what hit ‘em. The Impossibeast exploded into muffins. Victory cheers were shared all around. Lottie and the boys shifted back to their normal clothes and size.
“The game is, like, over. Excelci-whatever.” Said the hot elf. Grenda was clinging to the poor thing. Probabilitor and the game began to dissolve into the air.
“No! I'm returning to my own realm! I'm turning into pure math! What are the ooooodddsss??” Probabilitor screamed as he disappeared.
“Grunkle Stan, that was amazing! How did you know you'd win?” Said Dipper. He was so proud of his Grunkle.
“Hey, a gambler never reveals his secrets.” Stan picked up the die, which had gum stuck to the bottom and starts to chew some new gum. Lottie flung herself into Stan's arms with a huge hug.
“You saved us, Stanley!” He caught her and blushed.
“Man! That was fun for ages 8 to 80! Or a million or however old you guys are!” Said Mabel.
“Y'know, I'm sorry for making fun of your game, kiddo. Sure, it might be too nerdy for me, but it's just the right amount of nerdy for you and my brother. If you two wanna hang out sometimes, I won't get in your way.” Said Stan to Dipper. He felt kinda bad to keep them apart.
“Actually, after all that, I could use a little mindless fun,” Dipper said rubbing his head.
“Guys! We can watch the second showing of Duck-tective! It's not too late!” Yelled Grenda who again squeaked a Duck-tective toy.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Said Lottie. She was still in Stan’s arms. “You can put me down, Stan.” Stan quickly let her to the ground. He muttered a small apology. The group laughed and headed back to the house.
Dipper, Mabel, Grenda, Lottie, Stan, and Soos all sat in the living room at night to watch Duck-tective. They were just finally learning who shot Duck-tective. It was revealed that he had a twin brother all along.
“He had a twin brother all along? That's the big twist we've been waiting for!?” Said a frustrated Mabel. She poured Stan more chips.
“WHAT A RIP-OFF!” Yelled Grenda.
“I predicted that, like, a year ago.” Stated as matter of factly. They finished the finale and decided it was time to hit the hay. Dipper wanted to talk to Ford before he did though. He made his way down to the basement. Ford was locking the infinity-sided die away
“This'll be here if you ever need it.” Said Ford turning to Dipper.
“Really? Even though I got us into the whole game-playing mess?” Dipper couldn’t believe it! Ford was trusting him.
“Eh, we both got carried away. I guess we'd both gone for awhile without a friend. Dipper, can I tell you something?” Ford finished in all seriousness. Dipper nodded. He was ready to hear what Ford wanted to tell him. He was screaming of excitement on the inside.
“You asked me earlier what I was working on. Well,” He pulled curtain down to reveal the portal dismantled. “I dismantled the portal. An interdimensional gateway is too dangerous for the world it feeds into. That's why I was mad at Stan for using it. He saved me but, as I feared, the instability of the machine created this:” he held up a transparent sphere with a blob in it, ”an interdimensional rift. I've contained it for now, but it's incredibly dangerous. Dipper, I don't want you to tell anyone about this. Not Stan, not even your sister, not even Lottie. You understand?” Ford was trusting Dipper with a huge responsibility. But he knew the boy could handle it. He was so much like him when he was younger.
“Oh-uh, of course.” stuttered Dipper. This sounded way too important for Dipper to know.
“In my time I've made many powerful enemies, but I trust you with this secret. Now get yourself to bed. I have much research to do. Send down Lottie if you can.” Ford ushered Dipper to the elevator.
“Goodnight, Great uncle Ford.” Dipper went back up to the shack
“Goodnight, Dipper,” Ford answered. He put the rift away. Soon Lottie had joined him at the window into the lab.
“You called Master Ford.” Said Lottie. Ford turned to her with a frown. Lottie was a little worried.
“Have I done something wrong?” She asked.
“You need to stay away from Stanley.” Said Ford. He didn’t like how close Stan was getting to Lottie. Lottie looked shocked. Why on earth would he say that! Stan had been a perfect gentleman to her.
“But why, sir? Stan has done nothing wrong.” Ford harshly turned to her.
“I don’t like how close he’s gotten to you! He isn’t a good man! You don’t want another incident like back on the ship?!” Yelled Ford. Lottie looked at him with tears in her eyes. Stan would never do that to her, she thought.
“Stan would never! You don’t know him!” Yelled Lottie back at Ford. She had never yelled back at him before. Ford spun around and smacked Lottie right in the face.
“YOU THINK YOU KNOW HIM!?!!? He’s my brother! Just because he’s nice to you doesn’t mean he likes you!” Yelled Ford. Lottie held her now red cheek in her hand.Tears streamed down her face. Eyes wide with fear. Ford realized what he had done.
“Lottie I’m so sorry I-” That’s all he got out before Lottie ran back up to the upstairs. Ford didn’t follow. He slumped into his chair. All he wanted to do is protect Lottie. She was naive, practically a child. He threw his head back and sighed. This would take a lot to make up for.
Lottie tumbled out of the elevator and ran into the kitchen. Her hand was over her mouth attempting to muffle her sobs. Ford had never touched her like that before. She clenched the sink to keep herself steady from shaking. She attempted to steady her breathing. A hand on her shoulder startled her. She turned around with wide eyes expecting to see Ford. But it was Stan instead.
“Woah Doll, What happened!” Stan had his hands on both of her shoulders. He studied her face, he finally noticed her red cheek. Lottie threw herself into Stan sobbing. Awkwardly Stan held her. He wasn’t really sure how to soothe her. He slowly pet her hair. They stood in the kitchen for a couple minutes until Lottie calmed down.
“Now that you can form sentences..”Stan joked. Lottie giggled. “Tell me what happened” Finished Stan. He wiped the tears from her eyes. He never wanted to see her like this again.
“Master Ford and I had an disagreement. He hit me...He's never done this before.” Stammered Lottie. Stan’s blood boiled.
“Why that no good piece of-” Stan started. Lottie interjected.
“Please Stan. Don’t worry. I’m okay now.” He looked at her. She smiles softly and hugged him again. Stan’s expression softened and hugged her back. He pulled apart and held her at arm's length.
“Now.. cough. Um, I think it’s time we both get some sleep…” Stan said awkwardly. Lottie giggled.
“Yes, I agree.” Lottie turned to leave the kitchen. She stood in the door frame for a second. She turned to Stan.
“Thanks, Stan. That really helped..” She said. She left the room, leaving Stan alone in the kitchen. Stan sighed to himself. What had this woman done to him? He then was off to bed himself.
Stan had awoken in his bed. He stared at the ceiling. Even though Lottie had made him look younger he still felt old in the mornings.
“Alright Stan, another day, another random body pain. Here we go.” Stan said to himself as he prepared to get out of bed. He put his slippers on. They were wet and squishy. He found a note on his desk that read: "Dear Stan, I needed something to carry milk in so I used your slippers. Love, Mabel." Stan shuddered and walked into the kitchen. He tried to turn on the light but the light bulb burst instead. He groaned. Today was not his day for some reason. He went to find a new light bulb. But he found that the box is empty except for a note that read: "Dear Stan, I took these to build a planetarium suit for Soos! Sorry! Dipper." Stan grumbled again and crumpled the note. He loved those kids but they did grind his gears sometimes. He grabbed his keys and made his way to the grocery store. He finally found the light bulbs. He grabbed a box and walked to the checkout counter. Robbie, Lee, Tambry, and Nate showed up behind him.
“Whoa, let's not take this line. There's an old person in it.” Said Lee.
“Psh, yeah. He's probably gonna pay with like, pennies and, war bonds.” Robbie snarked.
“Hey! For your information, I was gonna shoplift most of this.” Stan said. He was sick of today already. Unfortunately, the cashier head him and called security. Security guards rushed over to Stan.
“Ha! Smoke bomb!” Stan threw smoke bombs on the floor that read ‘Expire 11/1996’, nothing happened. ”Aw, seriously?” The security guards tackled Stan. He was forced to pay for the light bulbs. He trotted his way out of the store and made his way back home.
“Ugh. Rough start to a day.” He said to himself. He walked toward the kitchen. “But it's all gonna be worth it when I fix that light bulb —” Stan walked in to see Ford screwing in a light bulb with Dipper, Mabel, and Soos. Lottie was ignoring them and started on breakfast.
“And... we're... done!” Ford said as he finished screwing the light bulb in. The trio cheered. Lottie gave a small eye roll.
“Does anyone see this? This is what a hero looks like right here.” Mabel said gesturing to Ford.
“I thought we were out of light bulbs.” Said Stan through gritted teeth.
“Oh we were, so I invented my own! It will last a thousand years and the light it emits makes your skin softer.” Ford said a matter of factly. The twins and Soos rubbed their skin.
“Never have I known such softness!” Said Soos.
“Anyway, where were you?” Asked Ford. He looked Stan up and down, judging his sleep attire.
Stan dropped the new light bulbs in the trash. He went to the TV and picked up the remote. “Well, TV at least you appreciate me. Give me the good news.” Lottie walked in and gave him a plate of breakfast. He gave her a smile and turned on the TV.
“This just in, the mayor is dead.” Shandra Jimenez the newscaster said.
“What?!” Stan yelled. His breakfast going everywhere. Dipper walked in with Mabel.
“Whoa, what's going on?” Dipper said.
“Raised by bears in the wilderness, Mayor Eustace Huckabone Befufftlefumpter was best known for raising the water tower, possibly starting World War I, and putting town menace Gideon Gleeful behind bars, in actual adult prison. A memorial statue is already being carved in the deceased mayor's honor.” Shandra Jimenez cried while her co-host comforted her. “I'm sorry. It's just been so long since we've had real news. I'm just so happy!” She continued to cry.
“There will be a town hall meeting this afternoon to discuss replacing him.”
“New mayor huh? Wonder who it could be…” He saw his reflection in the TV. Maybe he could be the Mayor. The kids would love him even more than Ford! He heard a giggle in the doorway. It was Lottie. She pointed to his shirt. Stan looked down and saw bacon and eggs all over him.
“Aw! Come on!” Stan said. It really wasn’t his day. Lottie moved to his side and began to help him clean off.
“Don’t worry Stan I made extra!” She said with a smile. Stan smiled back. They both blushed when their hands touched. They both gave a nervous giggle and Lottie went back into the kitchen to get Stan another plate. Two people watched the pair. One was excited the other was most displeased. After breakfast, everyone but Ford piled into the Stanley Mobile. They headed off to the town hall for the meeting. All the towns folk were there. The Pines family took a seat. Sheriff Blubs was proceeding over the meeting.
“Alright. Order! Order everyone! Calm down now! We're here to choose a mayor for the first time in almost a century. According to the town charter,” Sheriff Blubs unrolled an old scroll as a bat flies out of it. “a worthy candidate is defined as anyone who can cast a shadow, count to ten, and throw their hat into the provided ring.” Deputy Durland brought out a hoop and placed it on the floor. Bud Gleeful immediately threw his hat in it.
“Well, now I do believe I fulfill all the requirements,” Bud said as he took the podium.
“Wait, Bud Gleeful?” Said Dipper. There was no way he wanted him to be mayor.
“He looks good! Considering we threw his son in jail.” Shrugged Mabel. Lottie gave them both weird looks.
“You what?” She asked. She was incredibly confused. Stan sat back into his seat.
“That was a good day.” Said Stan.
“Now folks, I know our families had its fair shares of whoopsie daisies in the past, but I'd like to make up for it by formally announcing my candidacy for the mayor of Gravity Falls! Any questions?” Bud said.
“Yes, are you still in contact with Lil' Gideon?” His microphone was a turkey baster.
“That's a great question, I'm giving you 50% off a used car.” Said Bud with an unsettling smile.
“Fifty percent?! FIFTY PERCENT?!!!” Toby ripped his notepad in half.
“In fact, everyone look under your seats. You get half off a used car! You get half off a used car!” Cheered Bud. The townsfolk all looked under their seats to find the vouchers. Mabel pulled out a car discount coupon from under her chair.
“Wow, a colorful piece of paper? He's got my vote!” Mabel exclaimed as she looked at the voucher. Lottie patted her head.
“I do believe you are not old enough to drive Mabel sweetie.” Lottie thought this Bud person seemed okay so far.
“Guys, I've got a really bad feeling about Bud Gleeful as mayor,” Dipper said.
“I dunno, dude, it's not like we have a lot of good mayor options. Everyone in this town is a tad strange. Except, ironically, Tad Strange.” Soos shrugged and pointed to a normal looking guy.
“Hi guys, Tad's the name, and being normal's my game.” Tad waved to no one in particular.
“Loving you, Tad!” Yelled Mabel. Tad held up a slice of bread.
“And I love bread!” He said.
“It's a shame Ford isn't here, he'd run. And win! And be a great mayor!” Dipper pouted.
“Now Dipper, Master Ford may be a smart man but that doesn’t make him a good politician,” Lottie said to Dipper. Ford may be a good man but that didn't make him a hero.
“So since everyone's happy I'll just take the oath of office now, sound good, gavel up?” Bud rubbed his hands together. Stan stood up and threw his fez in the hoop. Everyone gasped.
“Hold it right there Bud! I'm taking you on!” Stan stood with his shoulders squared and his eyes confident. Lottie couldn't help but stare. He looked like a hero.
“Stanford? No o-ffence but you're just some two-bit carnival barker. And your head is more ears than face!” Bud smirked. The crowd oohed.
“Oh yeah? Well, your face is more fat... than... not fat!” Stan countered. Lottie covered her mouth, hiding a smile.
“Oh snap!” Tad said with a smile and finger guns.
“Whaddya say, folks? Are we just gonna let Bud win? How about a real election!” Oh, Stan knew he was gonna take Bud down, now to rally the truth.
"Get in there, cap!” Tyler Cutebiker threw his hat into the circle as well. Everyone followed and threw their hats in.
“Well, looks like we've got some competition here folks. Which I'm fine with, totally fine with!” Bud’s eyes narrowed. He pulled Stan towards him. Lottie gasped and went to Stan’s side.
“I was gonna let bygones be bygones Stan, but you just made a powerful enemy. I'll win either way and when I do, you might not like the Gravity Falls you wake up in!” He whispered. Bud punched out the Mystery Shack on a map of Gravity Falls hanging on the wall. Lottie pulled the twins closer as they gasped in shock. Soon town hall was filled with the townsfolk chanting.
“Election! Election! Election!” Everyone else was oblivious to Bud’s threat.
“Let the madness begin!” Sheriff Blubs yelled. He and Deputy Durland fired off a cannon.
“Grunkle Stan, what are you doing?” Mabel tugged on Stan’s sleeve.
“Running for mayor! Did I... did I not make that clear?” Stan said. Was it not obvious he thought.
“Grunkle Stan, it's not that we think you can't do it, it's just —” Mabel started.
“No no, it's okay, Mabel.” Said Dipper. He turned to Stan. “We don't think you can do it.” Dipper finished. Lottie gave the kids a pointed look.
“Now children. Your Grunkle Stan is more than capable of running for Mayor. You should support his decision. I do!” She grabbed Stan’s arm. She gave him a smile.
“Look, kids. The mayor kicking the bucket got me thinking. I'm an old man, and I'm not getting any younger. Well, maybe that’s not true.” He smiled at Lottie. “But that's beside the point. My dumb brother's research is probably gonna make him famous. And what do I have to show for my life? Do I really want "crooked grifter" on my tombstone? How about, "crooked mayor"!” Stan smiled back at Lottie. He put his hand over her arm.
“Psst, Mabel, let's talk.” Dipper pulled Mabel aside. “I know Stan isn't the best candidate. Heck, he's committing voter fraud right now.” They looked over to Stan and Lottie. Stan was shoving massive amounts of votes into the box. Lottie was laughing.
“But Bud's definitely up to something, and we're the only ones who can stop him.” Reasoned Dipper.
“You're right, Dipper. Besides, Stan has a kind-of charisma. How hard could getting him elected be?” Mabel shrugged. Dipper took off his pine tree cap and they both reached for matching hats and put on "Vote Stan" campaign stickers. Mabel looked over to Lottie and Stan. They seemed to be getting closer and closer everyday.
So this is all I have officially written, I am not sure if I want to write more.