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Youth

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We are the reckless
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there

Daughter - Youth

 

 

 

 

“We need to save up money, so Ryuichi will stay over at my place as often as he can. My folks don’t care and we have enough room.” Sugizo decides this by the second band meeting, as Ryuichi’s expenses for train rides back and forth from Yamato are seriously cutting into their budget. They need new speakers and cables, none of it is cheap and Sugizo’s been going through strings like a chainsaw lately.

“I mean..I don’t mind,” Ryuichi shrugs. “My only condition is that I gotta sleep on a bed. Because if I don’t get enough sleep, it’s gonna mess up my vocal chords,” he adds and turns to Sugizo with a questioning look that suggests the guitarist better give him his own bed.

But it’s Sugizo’s room and his rules, so he just smirks and nods. Only later does Ryuichi find out they’ll be sharing that bed because neither of them are willing to give it up. 

 

******

 

People look really different in the dark, Sugizo thinks, somehow softer and maybe less scary. It's not like he's scared of Ryuichi, because he isn't, but sometimes there is something intimidating about him and Sugizo feels a nervous clench around his stomach. He can't pinpoint what exactly causes it or why  he is sometimes unable to look him in the eye for too long.

But right now they are both lying on his bed, shrouded in the darkness of his room and the only light is coming from the windows. It illuminates part of the pillow but Ryuichi's face is hidden in the shadow next to it, and Sugizo can make out only certain outlines of his nose or lips; it makes him look somehow endearing.

"Do you think this band will work?" Ryuichi asks in a low, tired voice. It's obvious his throat hurts from their long practice earlier.

"I don't know... I hope so," Sugizo shrugs and whispers back, "I mean, we're all pretty damn talented so..." He chuckles and the vocalist follows in agreement. They fall silent again for a while, but Sugizo can see Ryuichi's eyes staring somewhere behind him, maybe at one of the Bowie posters.

"Even if it doesn't work out and we all end up doing some boring office jobs," Ryuichi says slowly, "I want us to stay friends. You know?" Sugizo can feel the stare suddenly directed at his face and opens his own eyes. "So far, I haven't met bandmates I could connect with so well… and I really don't feel like losing you all one day."

Ryuichi smiles slightly and moves a bit closer on the pillow, which finally makes the light from the window fall over his face and illuminate it fully. Without knowing why, Sugizo's heart skips a beat and then almost jumps out of his chest - Ryuichi's beauty hits him like a sledgehammer and leaves him breathless.

"Yeah..." Sugizo mumbles, barely able to form any words, "I don't think we would end up like that..." He realizes that the urge to kiss Ryuichi is really strong right now as he stares at those pretty lips so close to him. He also realizes it's not the first time such thoughts have occurred.

"I really hope so..." Ryuichi sighs deeply and then closes his eyes; it's obvious just how tired he is. And as Sugizo watches him, the vocalist falls asleep in seconds, and the guitarist tucks it away into his memory as one of the rare wonders he was lucky to witness in his life.

The band is still very new, and Ryuichi most of all since he’s not even from Hadano. But somehow he and Sugizo became friends quickly, and after a week it felt as if they knew each other for years. Then Ryuichi stayed over a few times at the Sugihara’s, and even Sugizo’s parents were instantly charmed by this pretty boy. Sugizo is sure his sister has a secret crush on Ryuichi, but he tries to keep her away from the band altogether.

He continues staring at his friend and unashamedly takes advantage of his unguarded state to do so. Ryuichi's hair is still slightly damp from the shower, and it curls wildly on the pillow; his high cheekbones are peppered with freckles (Sugizo finds it somehow comforting they share this feature), and the line of his nose is so gentle, and lips still so inviting. Sugizo feels like he could stare at him for an eternity.

He has to force himself to close his eyes and resist the temptation. He wonders if this urge will go away or intensify in time?

He supposes it remains to be seen.

 

******

 

They're trying to be as quiet as they can while sneaking out of the house, both carrying their shoes as they make their way down the stairs and out of the door. It's not that late yet but definitely past reasonable hours to be out, and Sugizo's parents already went to sleep, so no need for them to find out.

Ryuichi is carrying the cheap wine bottle as Sugizo closes the door silently and puts on his shoes. It's Friday night in June; it's warm and humid and their vocalist's hair is curling like snakes around his head as Sugizo watches him put on his own shoes.

They walk up to their favorite spot on the hill, where Shinsei Lake is and a pretty spectacular view of Hadano. They usually don’t go inside the park to drink; they just stay in the parking lot so they can watch the city glitter below them. Ryuichi pops the wine open and drinks from the bottle before handing it over to Sugizo.

"Ah, I've been looking forward to this," The vocalist comments and looks at the view with a sigh. The band had a fight earlier tonight – one of many – and it felt pretty discouraging, right before a booked show looming over them in three days.

"It's going to be fine," Sugizo drinks and sinks down into the grass, "we always fight about one thing or another. Besides, Jun cools off quickly and I was in the right anyway," he says as he lights up a cigarette.

"I hope so, it would suck to miss a gig. We need as much exposure as we can to establish ourselves." Ryuichi follows Sugizo's example and sits cross-legged next to him before he takes the bottle back. There is a moment of silence between them as Sugizo smokes and Ryuichi drinks, both of them looking over the city lights below in thought.

Ryuichi taps a rhythm on the bottle and hums a bit of a song that's probably stuck in his head. Sugizo smiles and joins him for a bit because they've been both listening to Dead End's album Shámbara for weeks now.

"Ah, man I wanna go to their live again," Ryuichi whines quietly with a clear tone of despair, "do you think we'll ever be as famous as Dead End?" He turns to Sugizo, hands him the bottle and then sprawls even further back and leans on his elbows.

"Ha! Of course! The stars themselves will envy our fame!" Sugizo laughs and toasts with the bottle and the vocalist joins him while giggling and then lies back on the grass completely.

"I love how much of them you can actually see up here, further away from all the lights," Ryuichi comments as he focuses on the sky above them and stretches his long legs, crossing them at the ankles. Sugizo drinks some more before lying down on his side and supporting his head on one hand, looking at Ryuichi instead of the stars. Their vocalist looks so delicate in the moonlight.

"Just so you know, I'm not giving up on this band so easily," Sugizo says and he can feel the alcohol slowly seeping into his veins and loosening up his tongue.

"Hm?" Ryuichi looks down questioningly and then rolls on his side as well to face Sugizo. "I hope you don't. We wouldn't be able to replace a guitarist and violinist. That’d just be inconvenient." The vocalist grins and steals back the bottle to take a few swigs from it, then closes his eyes as the buzz is probably settling in his head as well. Sugizo's urge to kiss Ryuichi comes back again full force.

"I don't want any changes either. We make it as the five of us or not at all." Sugizo says quietly and takes the bottle, but their fingers brush and he keeps their hands like this for a second longer. Suddenly, the guitarist's heart is in his throat, and he feels much warmer than he did a moment ago.

He realizes that, alcohol or not, he's seriously attracted to Ryuichi. And he really, really wants to kiss him. Especially when the vocalist is smiling at him so prettily, his cheeks dimpling and a few curls falling in his face.

"I like that thought, let's make it a rule." Ryuichi agrees and doesn't let go of the bottle, still looking at Sugizo. And then, he can see the way the younger boy's gaze moves down to Sugizo's lips; it's just for a split second, but it's obvious what thoughts run through the other's mind.

The guitarist smirks, and Ryuichi chuckles and lets go of the bottle. And just like that, the moment is gone, and they continue their drinking as if nothing happened. It doesn't take them long to finish the wine and get a nice buzz going. Sugizo smokes a few more cigarettes, and they talk about this and that just like they always do. It honestly still amazes him that he clicked with someone so easily without having the urge to beat them up first.

Eventually, they run further into the park around the lake, mainly to take care of much needed business after sharing a bottle. It's hard to tell how much time actually passed, but neither of them feel like going home, and since they’re both tipsy just walking around the lake and talking is a better option. The moon is shining brightly over the water, and it's not too dark even under the trees.

Sugizo can't help it and starts teasing Ryuichi about his hair again - how touchy he is about it, and he ends up chasing the vocalist as he's trying to touch his curls. It involves a lot of giggling and laughing until Ryuichi runs up the bridge over the water and stops there breathless.

"Woah, look at this... it's so beautiful," he exclaims, transfixed at the glittering water under the moon and stars. Sugizo catches up to him and leans on the railing as well, catching his breath too.

"Yeah," He mumbles in agreement and then without warning attacks Ryu's hair again, who instantly slaps his hand away but Sugizo catches it quickly in return. The guitarist tries to reach with the other hand but Ryuichi takes hold of that one as well and pushes it away. So in the end it turns into a pushing game, until the bridge underneath their feet wobbles and they lose balance. And as Sugizo manages to push their joined hands behind Ryu's back, he ends up pressing the vocalist to the railing with his own body.

They are so close that Sugizo can basically feel Ryuichi's breath on his own cheek. And all he can suddenly look at are their vocalist's lips, all red and plump as always. He hesitates only for a second - the scariest second of his life so far - and then he leans in and presses their lips together. Sugizo’s heart is going a mile a minute and he can feel Ryuichi's quickened breathing pressing into his own chest. There is a sound after a few seconds from the younger boy, and it's hard to tell if it's a protest or surprise at first, but Sugizo's hands are suddenly pushed away with more strength than he anticipates.

"What.. ahaha.. what are you-" Ryuichi seems a bit shocked but not exactly angry, "we're really drunk, let's go home," the vocalist laughs a bit nervously and stumbles back down the bridge.

Sugizo is so confused; he can't really tell if he's feeling crushed by the rejection or relieved in some way. He went for it, but obviously it wasn't the right thing to do. Now he can probably move on and stop thinking about it.

Probably. Yeah. Sure.

 

******

 

Neither of them say anything about the kiss on their way home. Ryuichi started talking about surfing and how he misses the beach, and then they went to sleep as if nothing ever happened. Sugizo is kind of happy that it doesn't seem to have put anything weird between them, but there is still a small amount of regret and disappointment in the corner of his heart.

The following days take their minds off it completely and there is no time for any gay crisis or inner conflict. They practice like crazy and then perform at their booked event. It's short but intense, just like every performance they have now. It feels way too good though, Sugizo thinks. It feels so damn right.

Ryuichi goes home after the show, and Sugizo suddenly realizes just how empty his room seems.

He plays the violin for hours until his dad comes to tell him to stop butchering Händel and get some dinner.

It's definitely a strange week.

 

******

 

It's getting dark and a storm is on its way as Sugizo is nearing the train station. Ryuichi called earlier to say that he'll get there in the evening, and the guitarist decided to go get him. Their parents are at an orchestra rehearsal, and in this weather, they might stay overnight. His sister instantly went to her friend's house and will probably stay there as well, since it’s Friday. Their own band rehearsals have been canceled for a bit after the show, but with Ryuichi being back, they will most definitely gather tomorrow for some session.

The train is arriving, and as soon as it slows down at the station, the wind picks up and Sugizo pulls up the collar of his leather jacket. People start getting off the train and his eyes instantly search for a curly head, but when he finally sees Ryuichi, his hair is actually mostly straight and falling into his freckled face. Their eyes meet and there is evident surprise in the vocalist’s, but a delighted grin pulls at his lips right after.

"Hey, I didn't think you'd come to get me," Ryuichi says as he approaches Sugizo, "thank you." It's soft and quiet, and it’s interrupted by the sound of thunder. They both look up as the heavy rain erupts all at once. People start running to the nearest shops. Without thinking, Sugizo clasps Ryu's hand and pulls him into a run as well. For some reason, they start laughing and stop only when they get under the nearest roof.

"That was intense!" Sugizo exclaims as he takes off his jacket so he can put it over his head. "Are you okay?" He looks Ryuichi over, who is kind of a mess but still looks amazing. This observation also makes Sugizo's stomach tighten for a second.

"I'm fine; I'm used to getting completely wet from surfing." Ryuichi laughs and pulls his own leather jacket over his head, hoisting the backpack higher on his shoulder too. "Let's go, this isn’t gonna ease up any time soon," he suggests and Sugizo agrees. They both resume their run while giggling childishly the whole way.

When they finally get home, they’re completely soaked through. After rushing inside and taking off their wet shoes, Sugizo quickly ushers Ryuichi to his room and throws him a towel for his hair.

"Take it all off, I'll give you a t-shirt and put everything in the dryer," Sugizo says as he's taking off his own t-shirt and turning to rummage through the closet. He pulls out one of his larger Bowie tees and throws it at Ryuichi, who is already only in boxers. With the sight of his tanned skin, Sugizo's throat goes dry, but he aims at Ryu's head with the balled garment instead of just pervertedly staring.

"I'll be right back," The guitarist announces after pulling on another t-shirt and gathering their clothes. He disappears into the bathroom, but the image of Ryuichi's slender yet toned, athletic body stays with him through all of it.

They end up making instant ramen and hot tea, and Sugizo puts on one of his favorite sci-fi movies – Bladerunner. It's kind of a cozy atmosphere as they curl up under a blanket; the rain still beats heavily on the windows and the only source of light is the tv screen.

"You really like Harrison, huh? You have a lot of his movies," Ryuichi mumbles as the mentioned actor appears on screen and runs over a rooftop.

"Mhm," Sugizo mumbles affirmatively, not taking his eyes off the screen. "I think he's hot. Has a lot of charisma."

"Hmm, maybe..." Ryuichi sounds doubtful but also not really objecting. Sugizo turns to look at his friend and once he fixes his eyes on Ryuichi's profile, he feels unable to look away. He knows the vocalist can feel it but is deliberately keeping his eyes on the screen. Of course there are subtitles, so it's for obvious reasons, but Sugizo suddenly realizes their kiss isn't forgotten. The singer is very much aware of guitarist's attraction, and he's not really pushing him away but also not giving him any signs of reciprocation.

"I know, it's not Morrie," Sugizo chuckles and tries to lighten up the atmosphere while also hinting at Ryuichi's obvious worship for his idol. He wants to know just how deep this admiration runs.

"Pft! No one is Morrie!" Ryuichi snorts as if such thoughts are absolutely outrageous. Sugizo laughs again and turns fully to his side to look at the younger boy because now he's interested in how far he can push.

"That is very true, but what about David? Even you have to admit he's godly!" Sugizo suggests but can't help chuckling because he loves teasing Ryuichi no matter the topic. The vocalist lets out a very exasperated sigh.

"Dammit, Sugizo! I'm trying to watch the fucking movie here!" Ryuichi gestures at the screen, but it's obvious he doesn't even know what is going on anymore. Sugizo tries to hold back the laugh, but he can't anyway and bursts out.

"Admit it, David Bowie is hot as hell, c'mon~! You’d do him~!" The guitarist continues teasing him and even adds a poking finger to Ryuichi's shoulder. That apparently is the last straw.

Before Sugizo even registers what is happening, Ryuichi catches his hand, half-drags him closer and half-rolls over him. The next thing he knows, there are lips kissing his own. Not just pressing but really kissing him, nipping and playing with his lips and teeth grazing lightly against his bottom one. Sugizo is so stunned at first that he's barely able to return it properly. But as soon as his brain processes the situation, he's deepening the kiss and angling Ryuichi's head by caressing his cheek.

Their tongues meet and Sugizo's heart almost explodes with how good it feels. Ryuichi moans quietly into the kiss, and that goes straight to Sugizo's cock. It even surprises him for a second, that this attraction goes beyond a simple desire to make out with his friend, but he tries to ignore it for now. Ryuichi is pretty skilled in kissing, much to the older boy's delight, and he keeps making these small noises that are incredibly hot and yet unexpected.

It's also very obvious Ryuichi isn't doing this just to shut Sugizo up but because he wants it. Maybe he even wanted it ever since the first time they kissed. Sugizo can only hope and can't help but smile a bit into the kiss with satisfaction. Somehow he managed to cause the hottest boy he ever met to make out with him this eagerly.

"Wipe that smug grin off your face," Ryuichi says breathlessly as he parts from him, the curls that formed after the rain falling into his face again.

"Make me then," Sugizo replies with even bigger grin, and the singer sighs with fake annoyance before leaning  down to kiss him again, but then they hear keys jingle in the front door. The sound makes them jump off each other as if they got burned by all the gayness that just transpired between them.

Fortunately, it's just Sugizo's sister.  Apparently the storm outside calmed down a bit and she chanced running the few blocks back home. She's drenched and excuses herself quickly to her room. They should thank the darkness in the living room that she didn't see Ryuichi's flushed cheeks or both of their reddened lips.

After this scare, they turn off the tv and gather their blankets to go up to Sugizo's room. There, Ryuichi plops on the bed – all long legs and big t-shirt. There is something warm and fuzzy in the pit of Sugizo's stomach, right in this moment when he's looking at Ryuichi. Somehow, he feels like he'll remember this sight forever.

"You act as if this bed belongs to you..." Sugizo doesn’t even switch the light on, but the one shining in  from the street provides enough illumination for him to see Ryuichi's smirk pull on his lips.

"Oh, doesn't it? Then come and claim it." The vocalist shrugs with one shoulder and leans back on his hands while slightly spreading his bare thighs. Sugizo's heart skips like ten beats and he can't actually believe this just happened. There are definitely a lot of things he doesn't know yet about Ryuichi, but now he's very determined to find out.

They make out more but neither of them dare to take it past some ass groping and slight frottage. However bold of a game they might be playing together, it's obviously still pretty new for both of them. But they do fall asleep in each other's arms again because it feels good and pretty much natural, since they already spent countless nights spooning in this bed.

 

******

 

The band practices through all of Saturday, and they make progress on the new songs as well. Ryuichi brought in some new lyrics, and Sugizo is seriously impressed by the vocalist's ability to create such powerful poetry. He wants to kiss him again but it's not like they can do that in front of the others... it's their little secret now. In fact, this morning they barely managed to get out of bed because lazing around while making out felt so good.

But even though the practice goes well overall, Sugizo feels extremely distracted during it and even messes up his solo twice, which is unacceptable. He knows the reason and it's their vocalist, who probably senses it because he shoots Sugizo a warning glare.

Everyone is beat after practice, so instead of partying they all call it a night. Ryuichi can't even speak and is ready to fall asleep almost immediately after the rest of the guys leave. Sugizo knows vocalists need a lot of rest, so he only forces him to shower and then sends him to bed before he snuggles up behind him as well. In his sleep, Ryuichi presses closer into the embrace and sighs in content. Sugizo can't help it and just kisses the defined cheekbone before burying his face into the mop of dark curls and falling asleep as well.

 

 ******

 

Sugizo can feel something wet and warm on his neck and a wave of pleasure courses through him before his sleepy brain realizes that there is a thigh rubbing his cock. The guitarist moans quietly and opens his eyes slightly, only to see Ryuichi look up and give him a lazy grin.

"We were both hard, so I decided to do something about it," the vocalist chuckles, his voice still hoarse from yesterday's rehearsal. Sugizo can't tell if it's his sleep-muddled brain, but right now Ryuichi is the hottest thing he's ever seen.

"Very good decision," Sugizo mumbles and attacks the younger boy's lips with a deep kiss. They start moving against each other and even this feels good but Sugizo wants more. His hands travel down and underneath yet another borrowed t-shirt to the slender waist. He squeezes it a few times and marvels at the sexy way it rolls under his touch, but he lets his hands slide lower to the small ass and buries his fingers into the round cheeks.

Ryuichi moans into their kiss and presses his own erection even harder against Sugizo's thigh. The guitarist pulls him up a bit by the ass and rolls on his back so the vocalist can be fully on top. Ryuichi starts panting slightly into the kiss, and Sugizo realizes that they are about to get each other off. They haven't done this before; it's always been making out and groping but never gone this far. He's about to help his friend reach an orgasm and hear what sounds he makes and see his facial expressions… honestly Sugizo never even dared to dream about it before, but here it is.

"Can… can I touch you?" He parts for a few seconds from their kiss and looks up – Ryuichi's cheeks are flushed, lips slick and pink, his eyes only slightly open and a curly mess on his head. Sugizo really wants to see how he'll look all sweaty and undone.

"Yes,"  Ryuichi breathes out, he's already almost shaking with need. The guitarist doesn't even hesitate and slides his right hand up and over the slender thigh and down again between the younger boy's legs. He palms the heavy erection through the damp underwear and sighs with surprise as he realizes it feels even better than he imagined it would.

Both of them are still and looking at each other through hooded eyes; Sugizo rubs him a few times in his palm and then circles the head with his thumb through the soft fabric. Ryuichi is breathing heavily and trembling but trying to keep still as Sugizo explores his body and then finally dips his hand inside the boxers, encircling the hot erection in his palm. Ryuichi hisses quietly and closes his eyes in pleasure as Sugizo squeezes slightly and maps out the hardness with his fingers. It feels incredible and so, so arousing to touch someone else's cock, and it makes Sugizo almost unbearably hard as well.

"Touch me, touch me too..." he whispers and rubs the head of Ryu's cock with his thumb just to feel the wetness gathered there. This is nothing at all like touching a girl, and he's painfully aware that he's probably enjoying it way too much. Sugizo wonders if having it in his mouth would feel good as well? He'll probably be willing to find out soon...

Ryuichi is not shy at all and almost eagerly slides his hand into Sugizo's underwear to grip him with his slender fingers. Sugizo gasps at the sensation of such a firm hold, the vocalist's palm and fingers fit perfectly, and he starts sliding along the hard length almost instantly which makes Sugizo do the same. They resume kissing but this time it's messy and uncoordinated due to the amount of panting and moaning. They’re obviously trying to be silent because everyone could hear them, even though it's still barely light outside.

Their clothes are getting in the way and both of them are sweaty, but it doesn't matter because the pleasure they are giving each other is overwhelming. And Sugizo is trying to hold on as long as he can, he needs to see Ryuichi come, he has his mind set on it.

"Fuck, you're so hot." It escapes Sugizo's mouth without warning and he realizes it too late, but it seems to rile up the younger, who shudders and parts from their kiss completely just to throw his head back and moan. Sugizo quickens his movements and can see it, the moment the orgasm courses through Ryuichi's whole body, as he stills and spurts all over the guitarist's slender fingers. It's so amazing and feels so good that Sugizo almost forgets to silence him with a kiss before they wake the whole house.

He lets Ryuichi ride it out and swallows all of his moans as they keep kissing sloppily. Sugizo feels such a sense of accomplishment and pride; he never thought it could be so satisfying to make a boy come. But maybe it's because this is Ryuichi, and he's so attracted to him.

The vocalist slumps over him and buries his face in Sugizo's shoulder as he tries to catch his breath. While Sugizo is still hard, he doesn't really mind because he got to witness the miracle that is Ryuchi's sex face and he's still trying to process it. But before he's really able to, there are kisses on his neck and along his jaw as Ryuichi resumes jerking him off. Sugizo didn't expect it so soon, but the vocalist is smiling down at him like sunshine and he decides not to question it.

They continue kissing and Sugizo slides both of his hands inside Ryuichi's boxers to grab his bare ass, just to enjoy the feel of it. Ryuichi moans quietly and starts doing dirty things with his tongue while his hand picks up the rhythm.

"Come for me, come, Sugizo. I want it all over my hand." The vocalist mumbles into their kiss and licks Sugizo's upper lip. He shouldn't be surprised at all that Ryuichi is so shameless, but it punches the air out of his lungs and his body betrays him; he starts coming as if he's following an order. Sugizo doesn't know if he's making any sounds at all, but his mind blanks out for a few seconds and then all he can feel is intense pleasure and bliss.

Sugizo is so happy he could cry, but he doesn't even understand the reason. Is it because he just had almost-sex with a boy, or because it's Ryuichi, or simply because it never felt so good before? He honestly doesn't know and won't even try to find out. All he wants right now is to curl around this wonderful human being in his arms and never get out of bed.

 

******