It’s a strange thing, grief. Hits people in different ways, they react differently. Take, for example, when Ryan’s nan died. Whilst Graham openly grieved for his lost wife, unafraid to hold anything back, Ryan became closed off. You could hardly get two words out of him when Grace gets mentioned. Still happens now.
The Doctor, well, for as old as she claims to be, Yaz is sure The Doctor has grieved. And more times than any human can imagine. It’s not only from what she said after Grace’s funeral that clued Yaz into this. It happens every so often, when things are quiet in the Tardis, that The Doctor takes pause and a solem, broken look graces her delicate face. It’s a look that shows The Doctor’s real age. Her years of travelling and adventures appear in her features, all those years of life and death open for everyone to see. It’s there for a second. Only second. But Yaz sees it. Every time.
Sometimes one of the Gang will say something, or do something and the look appears on The Doctor’s face. Whether it’s Graham joking about his old age, or it’s Ryan mentioning his life back on earth, or even when Yaz smiles at The Doctor. Just smiles. The look will appear. Yaz doesn’t know what it is about her smile that causes such grief and anguish to gloss over The Doctor’s face. Perhaps she reminds The Doctor of someone. Yaz doesn’t suppose she’ll ever know, The Doctor rarely speaks about the years before she met the Gang, unless it’s to throw in a namedrop of some historical figure.
As for Yaz. Well, prior to The Doctor, Yaz has never experienced grief...well proper grief that is. She was young when her grandad passed away. Too young to understand how she was feeling. But when she begged The Doctor to take her to Punjab and meet her Nan’s younger self, Yaz never thought she would return from that trip for a newfound understanding of grief. She still hears the gun shot echo about in her head, bouncing between her ears. Sends a chill down her spine.
And so, when they arrived at Dan’s daughters house and informed her of her father’s passing, Yaz had expected the questions and the tears. She prepared herself for it. It’s something they teach in the police force, how to comfort a grieving loved one. She had held the girl as The Doctor calmly explained to Dan’s daughter how her father died selflessly. It was as she rocked his daughter and looked up at The Doctor that Yaz saw that look again. A second passed and it was gone, but something about The Doctor’s face told Yaz that she knew. She knew Yaz had seen it.
When they got back to the Tardis, the Gang split off. Ryan went to the games room which he had managed to find within five minutes of boarding the Tardis. Graham went to go make himself a cup of tea. And The Doctor walked off into the many corridors of the Tardis, giving a small smile to Yaz as she passed her.
Now, Yaz sits on the seats situated in the Console Room, Prem’s broken watch in her hands, the sound of a gun shot echoing in her ears mixed with the gentle hum of the Tardis. Sighing, Yaz places the watch around her wrist and fastens the clasp. She gives her wrist a jiggle, making sure the clasp works. Satisfied, Yaz makes her way down the hallway, hoping to find her way to the games room, hopefully Ryan can take her mind off Umbreen and Prem and Dan’s daughter with a game of pool. The Tardis makes a small noise as she leaves, but Yaz takes no notice.
Meandering her way through the many corridors, Yaz finally ends up where she hopes is the game room. The door looks the same and as far as she’s aware, every room has a distinct door. Turning the knob, Yaz pushes open the door and calls out to Ryan, not taking in her surroundings as she does.
”Hey Ryan wanna have a game of-“
Then she notices that the games room is a lot steamier than normal. A lot more humid than normal. Looking up, Yaz’s eyes land on the person in front of her, who is not in the games room, is not clothed and is definitely not Ryan.
The Doctor stands as still as a statue in front of Yaz, her hand outstretched for her towel. Her hair is wet, water droplets falling onto her smooth skin. That’s when Yaz realises that The Doctor is very, very, VERY naked. Warmth fills the pit of Yaz’s stomach at the sight before her, her body frozen. She stares, wide eyed, marvelling at The Doctor’s perfect body. Seeing the red tinge on The Doctor’s cheeks, Yaz realises how perverse she must seem just staring at The Doctor’s body. Her heart jolts and springs her into action. With a high pitched “Sorry!” Yaz quickly covers her eyes and then slams the bathroom door closed.
Happy that she has put a physical barrier between herself and the very naked Doctor, Yaz quickly walks away, muttering “oh my god, oh my god” to herself. She finds her way to the console room and to her mortification, sees that Ryan and Graham are both there, steaming cups of tea in their hands.
Frustration builds in her at seeing Ryan and rather than blaming herself for this and to take her mind away from the image of the naked Doctor, Yaz decides to turn her attention to Ryan.
”You were supposed to be in the game room!” She says accusingly, storming over to the unsuspecting boy.
Ryan glances over to Graham, who shrugs. “I was?”
Yaz feels her cheeks tinge red at this and she turns away from them both, only to see the Doctor, now dressed, enter the room, her hair still wet. Yaz’s cheeks burn for a different reason this time. Especially when the Doctor waltzes in the room like what just transpired never happened and greets the trio with a “Alright Gang? Where shall we go next? The Medusa Cascade?” And a skip over to the console.
Yaz turns back to the men, hoping that Ryan doesn’t pick up on the look on her face.
”You alright Yaz?” Oh shit he’s noticed.
“Uh yeah, I’m fine.” She says, trying to act natural.
”You sure? Because you look like you’ve just walked in on Graham in the shower.”
At Ryan’s words the Tardis lurches suddenly, sending the Trio stumbling back. They look over to the Doctor who managed to catch herself before she fell. She looks very frazzled, cheeks tinged with pink.
”Sorry, still working out the ‘trols”.” She says, avoiding looking at them and going back to the console.
”S-s-shower?” Yaz sputters, “Why do you think I saw Graham in the shower? I can promise you that I have seen no one but myself in the shower.”
The Tardis lurches again, this time causing the Trio to fall over, Graham and Ryan spilling their tea as they fall.
”Oh Doc, you made me spill a perfectly good cup of tea.” Graham says as he gets up, wiping away the tea on his cardigan.
”Sorry Graham, still working-“
”Out the controls, we know.” Ryan and Graham say together.
Yaz stays silent, her eyes trained sheepishly on The Doctor and her mind helplessly drifting back to a couple minutes ago, and the steamy bathroom with the smell of shampoo and conditioner and The Doctor there-
“Yaz.” Fingers snap in front of her face, waking her up from her daydream. Her very inappropriate day dream that she should not be having about her friend.
She looks away from The Doctor and to Ryan who looks at her in concern. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
Yaz glances back to the Doctor, who is staring too intently into the console. She turns the Ryan, a hand coming to rest on her forehead. “Actually, I’m not feeling that good, think I might lie down for a bit.”
Ryan nods at her, “let me know if you need anything.” He calls out to her as she walks away.
Yaz gives him a smile. When she walks past the Doctor, she can’t help but notice the way their hands gently brush. Looking up as she goes, she manages to catch the end of the Doctors glance. She gives the Doctor a small, awkward smile, which she receives in return.
As Yaz walks away, she can’t help but feel like the sound of the Tardis has changed. She hears small, short bursts of the regular soothing rumble. Almost as if...no it can’t be...
Almost as if it’s laughing.
Turning into her room, Yaz lies down on her bed, listening to the laughter of the Tardis.
What a sneaky, sneaky machine.
Direct continuation of the first chapter. Yaz contemplates what transpired.
Hello, after popular demand, I have written another chapter.
I’m half planning this to be a relatively small story, maybe five chapters? And I also plan on it transpiring within a few days and mainly within the Tardis.
If any one has any ideas of what adventures you’d like to see appear in this story, let me know and I’ll see how I can wove it into the vague storyline I’ve planned!
TRIGGER WARNING: depiction of Panic attack and detailed description of panic attack
This is annoying her now. It’s been four hours and she STILL can’t get the image of the naked Doctor out of her head. Shame fills Yaz’s gut at her body’s reaction to the image. The Doctor is her friend, she shouldn’t be feeling or thinking of the Doctor this way. Yaz has been in this situation before, having a crush on a supposedly straight friend. She thought she left that silly, fairytale best-friend-is-in-love-with-you-back idea when she finished puberty.
Come to think of it, is the Doctor even straight? She’s mentioned being a man, did she like men then? Or women? Or both? Considering they have been travelling with the Doctor this long, there’s still so much Yaz doesn’t know.
Though, Yaz supposes it doesn’t even matter the Doctor’s sexual orientation, it’s not like the Doctor would ever view Yaz, mediocre earthling, as anything more than a friend.
Not that that is what Yaz wants. No, she wants to keep viewing the Doctor as her friend and friend only. Situations like this only get messy and it’s only because she’s seen the Doctor naked that she’s viewing her this way. Yeah, that definitely must be it, Yaz didn’t feel this way about the Doctor before...shower gate.
Sighing in frustration, Yaz slams her hand down upon her duvet, trying to will the thoughts away. She’s distracted by a knock on the door and Ryan poking his head in.
She sits up, her hand coming to rub the back of her neck. “Hey Ryan.”
Ryan steps in and softly shuts the door behind him. “I just wanted to see if you’re feeling better?”
Yaz nods, giving him a soft smile. However, dread fills the pit of her stomach when she realises how quiet her arm is. She rubs her neck again and hears no rattling of metal. Removing her hand from her neck, Yaz brings it up to her face, her eyes going wide as her bare wrist stares at her.
“Whats wrong?” Ryan asks, stepping forward when he sees the look of dread and shock cross Yaz’s face.
“P-Prems watch.” Yaz manages to choke out. “It’s not here on my wrist.” Her body reacts to her words and she springs off her bed, starting to frantically search her room. “I swear I was wearing it before.” She says, her voice starting to shake as worry builds within her.
She can feel Ryan watching her and she turns round, struggling to keep her tears at bay. “What are you staring at? Help me look!” She says and immediately Ryan jumps forward and starts to help, opening and closing drawers.
She searchers her wardrobe, her desk, under the bed, in between her mattress. With each passing moment, Yaz feels her heart beating faster, her breathing becomes more and more difficult. “It’s not here, it’s not here!” She says, her panic rising.
She glances at Ryan, who looks at her with worry. “Have you tried the console room?” He asks.
At his words, Yaz races out of her room, and like a hurricane, barrels into the console room, taking Graham, with a fresh cup of tea, and the Doctor by surprise. Ryan follows her cautiously.
Not noticing either of them, Yaz bumps into Graham, causing him to drop his tea. She doesn’t hear his “Oi!”, only the sound of her heart pounding away in her ears. She frantically looks around the console room, flipping cushions left and right. She takes no notice of the worried glances of her friends, or Ryan who, bless his heart, is still trying to help her.
“No no no” Yaz mutters as she continues to come up short. “It’s gone, it’s gone” She chants to herself. Her breathing becomes harder and she turns to the console, leaning heavily over it.
“No no-“ she chokes out when she realises what’s happening with her breathing. This cannot happen, it hasn’t happened for years and now of all the times for it to start again, it’s here, in front of the Doctor.
“Yaz?” Her name sounds muffled and she barely glances up, finding the Doctor approaching her cautiously.
This causes Yaz’s breathing to worsen. The Doctor can’t see her like this. The TARDIS is stifling, her breathing becomes near impossible for her to regulate. Hot tears stream down her face, the feeling of dread suffocating her. She starts to fall onto the console as spots appear in her vision. The walls of the Tardis start to close in on her and Yaz prays this doesn’t escalate to how it did once before, she doesn’t want it to get to that level.
However Yaz’s body doesn’t connect with the console, or the floor, but in a pair of strong, slender and protective arms. She feels herself gently lowered to one of the nearby seats. Through the white spots in her vision she vaguely sees worried, hazel eyes and blonde hair.
“Ryan go get a blanket!” She hears the Doctor command.
A smudge runs past them, who Yaz supposes is Ryan, following the Doctor’s orders.
“What’s happening Doc?” She hears Graham ask through the pounding in her head.
“Panic attack.” The Doctors voice rings around her head and Yaz feels her stomach tighten in fear. No please, make it stop.
“Yaz I need you to try and listen to me. I know you’re scared right now but in order to help you, I need you to try and focus.” She hears the Doctor say, in a slightly commanding tone.
Yaz blinks rapidly, her breathing still erratic, trying to clear her vision. It does for a moment and she’s able to focus on the Doctor’s eyes.
“Keep looking at me, Yaz. I’m going to place your hand on my chest, and then I’m going to place my hand on yours, ok?”
Yaz’s eyes close, struggling to keep them open. She manages a nod, and feels a warm hand grab hers and place it upon the Doctor’s strong chest. She feels the Doctors t-shirt beneath her finger tips and her fingers flex, grabbing at the material. She feels something fall around her shoulders, warmth covering her.
“Keep your hand flat.” She does as she’s told. Her eyes open just as she feels the Doctors hand lie upon her chest. Blinking blearily, Yaz tries to focus on the Doctor and the feeling of her two heartbeats beneath her palm. “Now I want you to concentrate on my breathing and try and copy me.”
She feels the Doctor’s chest rise and fall, and she tries to copy, but can’t. Her chest still feels constricted, the walls still close around her. She groans, and shakes her head, her breathing picking up in speed.
“I-I can’t-can’t breathe-“
“Focus on me, Yaz and only me. Try and forget where we are and focus your attention on me and my breathing.” The Doctors free hand covers Yaz’s on her chest.
Tingles shoot up Yaz’s fingers and wrist at the Doctors touch. Her eyes glance down to see the pale hand of the Doctor against hers.
“Look at me, not our hands.”
Yaz looks up into the Doctors warm eyes and gives her a nod. She feels the tightness in her chest loosen ever so slightly, the pressure being released.
Keeping her focus on the swirls of hazel in front of her, Yaz turns her attention to the pattern of the Doctors breathing. In...out...in...out... The walls loosen around her, starting to become less suffocating.
Her thoughts turn into words and Yaz realises the Doctor is gently whispering the words to her.
“That’s it Yaz, in...out...in...”
Yaz nods and slowly, she feels her breathing starting to match the Doctor’s. The pressure loosens, the pounding in her ears fade away until finally, all that can be heard is the gentle hum of the Tardis and the matching breaths of Yaz and the Doctor.
The Timelord gives Yaz’s hand a gentle squeeze. “You good?” She asks, her voice soft.
When Yaz nods, the Doctor’s hands fall into her lap and Yaz instantly misses her touch. Feeling a chill run over her, Yaz tugs at the blanket around her shoulders, not sure as to how this appeared.
The Doctor turns to Graham and Ryan, who are stood a couple feet behind the pair. “Guys can you-“
They both nod and walk out of the room, Yaz watches them. When they’re out of sight, Yaz drops her hand from the Doctor’s chest and looks down at her lap, too ashamed and embarrassed to look the Doctor in the eyes.
The Doctor stays silent, and Yaz focuses her attention on the gentle hum of the Tardis, waiting for the Doctor to say something, anything, to ease the tension. Something about custard creams, or how she once met someone famous in a completely obscure way. But the Doctor says nothing.
Yaz continues to stare at her hands, her eyes focused on her bare wrist. She touches the wrist, her thumb caressing the clammy skin. She can’t bring herself to even begin to explain what that was about, or even thank the Doctor for helping her. She’s too mortified, too...exhausted.
She hears the Doctor stand up from where she was kneeling in front of her. Her footsteps clang up to the console. There’s a couple of beeps, a groan and a slight jolt and Yaz recognised the rumble of the Tardis travelling through the vortex.
Then she hears the Doctors footsteps approach her again. Her brown boots appear into Yaz’s line of sight. There a jingle of metal and a familiar, broken clock face appears in front of Yaz’s eyes.
Eyes widening in shock, Yaz looks up at the Doctor. The Doctor doesn’t look at her, but at the watch still in her outstretched hand.
“I found it on the floor in here. Must’ve fallen off when the Tardis- when I caused the Tardis to hit turbulence.” The Doctor says, still looking down at the watch.
Yaz reaches out and takes it from the Doctor, holding it carefully in her hands. Finally, the Doctor looks up at her. And there’s that look, the one only Yaz has seen. The look that shows all that has troubled, is troubling and will trouble the Doctor. And like all those other times, the look is gone as quick as it was there. But her smile doesn’t replace it, instead, a look of understanding sombre does.
“Doctor I -“
Yaz is interrupted by the re-arrival of Graham and Ryan, who must have felt the Tardis move into the vortex.
“Where are we off to now, Doc?”
And just like that, the Doctor switches back to her usual self. Her jolly smile is plastered back on her face.
“Well, I’m glad you asked Graham! Barcelona!”
“Barcelona? No offence Doctor but I’ve been there on a school trip before, don’t need to see it again.” Ryan says, leaning against the console. He goes to touch a button but the Doctor smacks his hand.
“I said no.” She warns the boy. “Not Barcelona, Spain but Barcelona the planet!”
She steps on a peddle and out comes a custard cream. Yaz watches as the Doctor eats it in one bite, her cheeks puffed out like a gerbil.
“Did your mother ever teach ya to chew your food, Doc?” Graham asks cheekily.
“Watch it, you.” The Doctor says, spraying custard cream over the console, earning a disgruntled sound from the Tardis.
Yaz sits, watching as her friends interact and joke with each other. As she does do, Yaz can’t find it in herself to get up and join in. Instead, she finds herself replaying what transpired in her head.
She should have spoken sooner - thanked the Doctor for helping her, apologised for shower gate. But no, she chickened out and instead shut the Doctor out. And because of this, she caused that horrible look to pass over the Doctor’s face.
Clasping Prem’s watch onto her wrist and double checking it’s is clasped properly, Yaz pulls the blanket closer to her body. She stands up and once again, walks out of the console room.
As she goes, Yaz fails to notice the sad hazel eyes watching her leave.
Direct continuation of chapter 2.
Yaz and Graham have a chat and the Doctor manages to short-circuit Yaz's brain. Multiple times.
hi, im back again.
i have a tumblr if any of u are interested, link is in my profile. fair warning, haven’t really used it in a while
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The Doctor darts about the console, flipping switches, pulling levers and eating biscuits. Occasionally she mumbles something to the Tardis, and sometimes, gives her what looks like a loving stroke. Back and forth she goes, getting lost in her own world. From her place upon the first-floor railing, Yaz has a perfect view of the whole console and the small Time Lord darting about. A small grin graces Yaz’s face, she could watch the Doctor for hours. That's not creepy is it?
Maybe a little creepy, Yaz.
She had emerged from her room about an hour ago after managing to calm herself down following the aftermath of her...episode...as she used to call them. Since leaving her room, Yaz has been sat up here, watching the Doctor. Her fingers fiddle with the clasp of Prem’s watch, opening and closing continuously.
“You might as well take a picture.”
The clasp of Prem’s watch snaps shut as Yaz jumps, turning her head to find Graham standing beside her, hands in his pockets and a gentle smile on his face. He chuckles at her alarmed expression. How long has he been standing there?
“W-what?” She manages to stutter out, trying to act cool and not as if Graham just caught her staring-ah, um - watching the Doctor. Her fingers come back to play with the clasp on the watch.
“She’s a character, ain’t she?” Graham says, turning his attention to the Doctor down below. “Absolute nutter.”
“Hey, she’s not a nutter, just...eccentric,” Yaz says, quickly jumping to the Doctor’s defence. Yes, she may be a little erratic at times, but none of what the Doctor does or says is crazy. It’s one of her many quirks.
“I meant it in a positive way.” The older man replies, his gentle smile unmoving. “Lord knows we need more people like her around.”
Yaz nods and finds herself saying: “There’s no one like her.” Before she can stop herself. Graham’s smile turns from gentle to knowing and Yaz feels her stomach sink. Oh crap, he knows.
Graham doesn’t say anything. Instead, he turns back to face the console room. The Doctor has stopped her darting about and is now lounging on the nearby seats, feet propped up, book in hand and - oh god, she wears glasses. Yaz feels like she might faint at the sight.
“She doesn’t think any less of you,” Graham says, (completely out of the blue in Yaz’s opinion), considering she’s currently in the middle of trying to stop herself from having a heart attack.
“What?” Panic rises in Yaz, does the Doctor know?
Graham turns to Yaz now, leaning against the railing. “With what happened earlier. The panic attack.” He explains.
“Oh” It’s all she can find herself to say.
Her panic attacks started at school when Izzy Flint turned everyone against Yaz. She averaged at having two panic attacks a day because of her. Each day was terrifying for Yaz, not knowing which of her triggers would cause the panic attacks, or when they would set in.
The worst ones were the silent attacks. She would be sat in class, the overwhelming fear of dread settling on her after a snide comment from a classmate. Her breathing would shorten, unnoticeable to anyone around her. Sitting in class, struggling to breathe, head woozy and body shutting down, no one could see. No one knew. She was all alone in those moments.
Yaz hated them the most.
Since leaving school, escaping the toxic environment Izzy Flint created, Yaz found her panic attacks to be far and few between. After joining the Police, Yaz thought herself cleared of them. They’re trained to cope in alarming and triggering situations in the force, in case they are dealing with a civilian who suffers from anxiety, or other social disorders. So, Yaz pretty much coped with her anxiety, with barely anything triggering her anymore.
That’s why she found the panic attack earlier so alarming. She hadn’t had one in years. Not like that, anyway.
Like all the others that preceded, it came on suddenly, and all of Yaz’s training went out the window. But the Doctor, she just knew what Yaz needed. Knew the appropriate amount of contact and talking. Not many do.
The Tardis lurches to a stop, causing Graham and Yaz to stumble back. Regaining their balance, they watch as the Doctor jumps up from her spot and fiddles around the Tardis before turning around and immediately finding Graham and Yaz up on the first floor.
“Come on team! We’ve landed!” She gives them a grin and turns back to the Tardis, chatting away to her again. Ryan wonders into the console room, a grin on his face. Must have finally beat the high score on the pacman game.
Yaz and Graham look at each other. Did she know they were up here the whole time? Graham gives Yaz a smile and they make their way down the stairs.
Yaz spots Ryan’s smile. “What’s that grin for?” She asks, coming to stand next to the Doctor.
But not too close, Yaz thinks, her eyes glancing over to Graham. He pays her no mind, instead he eyes his Grandson with a slightly perturbed expression.
“Oh you know, just became the best Pacman player the Tardis has ever seen.” He says with a shit eating grin on his face. Hang on - is he flexing?
Yaz doesn’t have time to dwell on the thought, as the Doctor suddenly straightens up, her mouth hanging open in absolute shock.
“You what!” The Doctor exclaims. “You are not!” Is it just Yaz, or did the Doctor just sound a little bit more northern?
Ryan nods, his grin widening. “Just beat the high score. Whoever JS was just got knocked to number 2.” Yeah, he’s definitely flexing.
A strange and sudden sound emits from the Doctor, giving Yaz a fright. There’s no way to describe it other than a mixture of a squark and a gasp. A very sharp squark. And from the look on the Doctor’s face, she wasn’t quite expecting to make such an obscene noise.
Instead of acknowledging it, the Doctor quickly dashes off, coat billowing behind her as she goes. The gang watch her go, with a mixture of expressions. Of course, Yaz watches her with a disbelieving yet adoring expression. They stand together awkwardly, not quite sure what to do.
Just as she disappeared, the Doctor dashes back into the console room, coat still billowing behind her.
She comes to a sharp stop in front of Ryan, a look of utter displeasure on her face. You would think Ryan had just eaten the last custard cream, with the way the Doctor is looking at him.
“Minus ten points for Ryan!” The Doctor announces, hands falling into her pockets.
Yaz cracks up laughing at the look of shock that replaces the grin on Ryan’s face. “W-what!” He stutters, “Since when have you been keeping points?”
The Doctor merely shrugs at him. Ryan looks over at Yaz, but she only shrugs helplessly, not really sure what’s going on but enjoying every second of it.
“Well, how many points do they have?” He asks, indicating to Yaz and Graham.
“To be fair Ryan, I don’t think the Doc really has a proper point system. She gave me two custard creams yesterday for saying bless you after she sneezed, and then a gold star to Yaz for-well I’m not sure what for.”
“I felt like it.” The Doctor says, shrugging again.
Yaz grins at this, absolutely delighted by the look of annoyance on Ryan’s face.
“Another gold star for Yaz.” Yaz’s grin becomes a beam. She looks over to the Doctor, who gives her a cheeky smile. Okay, swoon.
Ryan splutters again, “What! But she didn’t even-”
“Minus ten more points from Ryan-”
“This is so not-”
“Okay now you’re being stup-”
“Ooh I think you just lost custard cream privileges, Ryan. You sure you want to continue?” The Doctor challenges, eyebrow raised.
It looks like Ryan actually thinks about continuing. Yaz raises her own eyebrow at him, and seeing her look, Ryan stops. “No,” He says petulantly.
The Doctor turns around and winks at Yaz. Ok, scrap that last swoon. Yaz might as well be passed out on the floor from that wink. “Right, now that’s sorted, everyone go get changed, I expect you all to go swimming today.”
“What?” Graham blurts out, looking shocked. “Swimming?”
The Doctor hums. “We’ve landed in Barcelona, Graham. Don’t tell me you don’t wanna get your trunks on?”
“Well no, but usually when we arrive we find some form of troub-”
“It’s settled then, off you guys go, there’s plenty of swimwear.”
Ryan, still troubled by the earlier conversation, and Graham, troubled by the current conversation, walk off. Yaz starts to follow them, only to be stopped by a hand on her arm.
Turning around, Yaz finds the Doctor looking at her sheepishly. “Yaz, can I ask a favour?”
The hand on Yaz’s arm drops and finds itself settling into the Doctor’s pocket. “This is my first time in a female body - I’m not quite sure what I should wear for swimming.” A red tinge colours the Doctor’s cheeks as her sentence finishes.
For a couple of seconds, Yaz’s brain short circuits. The Doctor, in swimwear. In a bikini. Showing skin. What. Images of the Doctor naked appear back in Yaz’s mind, and she tries to fight against them. Doctor. Swimwear. Skin. Shower. Over and over again.
Having taken Yaz’s silence as disbelief, the Doctor starts to ramble.
“All the other times I’ve been swimming, it’s been simple - a pair of trunks. I learnt the hard way not to ever wear speedos, so it was trunks and always has been, sometimes accentuated with a pair of sunglasses and a towel. But now as a woman, what do I wear? What can I wear? A one piece? A bikini? A tankini? Trunks with a bikini top? And then there’s all the different styles and my head is just hurting thinking about it…”
Coming to her senses, and seeing that the Doctor is actually in quite a bit of distress over this, Yaz gives the Doctor a break in her rambling and gently interrupts her with a calming hand on her arm and a soft, “Doctor.”
This appears to work, as the Doctor shuts up immediately and looks at Yaz like she has all the answers to the known universe. Yaz takes a moment, realising this look is one she must have on her face around the Doctor 90% of the time.
Yaz gives the Doctor a warm smile. “Wear whatever you feel comfortable in.”
The Doctor shifts on her feet. “Even if it’s what I’m wearing now?”
“And y-you won’t be embarrassed?” Did she just stutter?
Yaz’s eyebrows furrow at this. “No, we won’t.” She pauses. “Well, Ryan might, but Ryan gets embarrassed by anything.” She gives the Doctor an easy grin.
What she said must have done the trick, because the Doctor finally relaxes and the pink tinge on her cheeks disappear. Blonde hair flaps about as the Doctor nods at Yaz, a grin appearing on her face.
“Ok, thanks Yaz.” The Doctor says, “You’re a star.” She says, then, without warning for Yaz’s heart, she leans forward and places a kiss to Yaz’s forehead, before dashing off to get changed.
Yaz stands still, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide open. Her skin feels warm where the Doctor had kissed her. Her heart flutters erratically in her chest as Yaz slowly begins to wrap her head around what just happened. The hum of the Tardis changes and Yaz recognises the intonations of her hum.
“Stop laughing.” She says to the Tardis. As she turns, she sees Graham and Ryan walking back, both having changed already.
They wear the same patterned Hawaiian trunks, however, Graham’s is green instead of red like Ryan’s. Each of them wears a t-shirt, waiting for when they’re on the beach to take them off. Already on Graham’s face are the Audrey Hepburn sunglasses the Doctor gave him during the death race.
“You realise you’re wearing women’s sunglasses?” Ryan asks in amusement.
Graham turns to him, hands on his hips. “Yeah, and I look bloody good in them.” He says indignantly, earning a laugh from Yaz and an eye roll from Ryan.
“Right you do, Graham. Alright, fam, are we ready - Are you not changing Yaz?” The Doctor’s voice sounds from behind Yaz, and she turns around.
“Yeah, I’m just about-”
Her answer gets caught in her throat, and she can’t help the grin that appears on her face, a small blush on her cheeks.
The Doctor stands in front of her, and at first glance, it looks like she hasn't changed, with the Time Lord still wearing her long coat and brown boots. Her blue trousers are replaced by blue swimming trunks. Under her coat, Yaz spies a Hawaiian shirt. But it appears the Doctor opted to keep the Hawaiian shirt open, showing off the bikini top that’s replaced her usual striped t-shirt. Of course, the bikini still adorns the stripes.
Yaz can’t help but akin the Doctor to looking like young Leo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet. And boy, did Yaz have the hots for Leo in that film. Yaz has to force herself to stop looking at the Doctor’s abdomen, only then noticing the yellow suspenders attached to the trunks. Why? Yaz doesn’t know. Does she care? Absolutely not.
“Why are you still wearing your suspenders?” Ryan asks.
The Doctor looks down at her suspenders, hands coming up to pull on them. “Suspenders are cool.” She says as if stating a long known fact. She lets the suspenders go, yelping when they hit her skin. “Go get changed then, Yaz.” She says, rubbing at her abdomen.
Yaz pulls her eyes away from the movement. She manages a nod and walks down the hallway. She hears the Tardis laughing again.
“What are you laughing for?” She hears the Doctor say. “Do you not like the suspenders either?”
Graham was right, the Doctor is a nutter. A loveable nutter.
I couldn't help but picture the Doctor walking out still wearing the yellow suspenders when she goes swimming for the first time in her new regeneration and so I wrote it. Hope you enjoyed! i also feel like jodie whittaker could so look like young leo dicaprio and it would be wonderful.
Barcelona Part 1
Hi, I'm back.
Happy New Year!
Hope you enjoy this chapter.
(Sandcastoligy is a word I made up (sand-cast-oligy). It relates to the study of sandcastles and their architecture.
There’s something up, Yaz just knows it. The Doctor hasn’t relaxed since they sat on the beach, her coat still hanging around her shoulders despite the hot weather. The blonde woman plays with the sand in front of her, building quite an impressive sandcastle.
Yaz knows this because, during her sunbathing, she has been sporadically glancing to the Doctor and watching Graham and Ryan splash each other in the turquoise blue ocean. When she says sporadically, she means mostly staring at the Doctor with occasional glances to Graham and Ryan.
Of course, no one but Yaz knows this, thanks to the sunglasses on her face. Pushing them back up her nose, Yaz exhales happily and turns her face to the sky, basking in the glow of the pink (Pink!) sun. A slight rosy hue settles over the planet and the people, thanks to the odd colored sun. How the ocean is turquoise when the sky is a pale violet, Yaz doesn’t know. She supposes the Doctor must know. Yaz goes to ask the Doctor, however, stops herself when she guesses she probably won’t understand a word the Doctor will say and end up in the same place she was before - still wondering about the sky and ocean and still staring at the Doctor.
So she settles on sneakily staring at the Doctor.
“Having fun, Doctor?”
The Doctor nods, adding another wing to her sandcastle. “Yeah, tons of it!” She briefly glances at Yaz with a grin.
That’s another thing Yaz has noticed. The Doctor hasn’t been able to make eye contact with Yaz since they got to the beach, no has she been able to look at her for longer than a glance. Yaz looks down at herself, making sure her white bikini hasn’t slipped and showing something she should only have out on a nudist beach. Satisfied she isn’t, Yaz turns back to the Doctor, biting her lip. Is the Doctor embarrassed by Yaz’s state of undress? Is that why she’s kept her coat on? Is it not acceptable to be dressed in a bikini on this planet?
Looking around, Yaz spies multiple patrons and species on the beach, wearing varying degrees of swimming costumes. There’s one she spots who is wearing a deep-sea diver outfit. One of the old ones, with the metal helmet and heavy boots.
“He’s a member of the Sanctum of Divers.” Yaz looks over at the Doctor as the blonde speaks, gaze turned to the deep sea diver. “A group of sentient beings who all have a common interest in diving, from all parts of the universe.” A figure wearing oversized flippers, a horn shape head with multiple tubes wrapping around him greets the deep sea diver with a tap on the helmet.
“That’s a diving costume too?” Yaz asks, pointing to the new diver.
“‘Course, it’s not just Humans who have an affinity for the deep sea, Yaz.” The Doctor says with a smile, before turning back to her sandcastle. Two seconds, Yaz counted how long the Doctor looked at her and it was two seconds.
“Pretty impressive sandcastle,” Yaz says sitting up, she dusts the sand off her body and peers over at Doctor’s sandcastle, eyes widening at the many wings and floors the sandcastle has.
“They don’t call me the sandcastle building champion for nothing.” The Doctor replies with a cheeky grin. Her eyes briefly glance down when she looks at Yaz before a blush reddens her cheeks and she looks away.
For the benefit of the Doctor, Yaz ignores the glance and instead says: “And who calls you that?”
“I do, of course.” the blonde replies, reaching forward for a leaf that can work as a flag.
The Doctor falters in her placement of the flag. She glances to Yaz again. “Me.”
Yaz pushes her sunglasses to the top of her head and raises an eyebrow at The Doctor. “Just you?”
The Doctor huffs and rolls her eyes. “Yes just me.” She folds her arms across her chest. “But there are thirteen other versions of me so therefore thirteen people agree.”
Thirteen versions. Yaz’s eyebrow raises higher, then remembers The Doctor previously mentioning her regeneration and explaining why she was so scattered when they first met. But, if you ask Yaz, The Doctor is just as scattered as she was the first day they met.
Yaz stays silent and looks out to Ryan and Graham, who appear to have started a who-can-hold-their-breath-longest competition, underwater edition. She sees The Doctor leans back onto the sand, sighing as she settles herself down.
Yaz chances a glance to her, eyes immediately finding the exposed skin of her stomach. She swallows thickly as the muscles twitch. Moving her eyes up as inconspicuous as possible, she glances over The Doctor’s bikini top, to her slender neck before making eye contact with curious hazel eyes.
The brunette jumps slightly at having been caught ogling and when The Doctor’s eyebrow quirks, she quickly averts her eyes. “How come you haven’t taken your coat off?” Yaz asks, keeping her gaze forward with as much willpower she can muster.
“Do you not like my coat?” She hears The Doctor ask. “I like my coat.”
“N-no it’s a nice coat. But are-are you not hot?” Yaz looks at her in the corner of her eye, finding The Doctor is staring up at the sky, her lips pursed thoughtfully.
“It has pockets, if I take it off then I won’t have any pockets.” The Timelord answers, evading Yaz’s direct question.
“I don’t think you really need-”
“The coat stays on, Yaz.”
At The Doctor’s tone, Yaz turns around. A serious expression graces the usually smiling woman. Yaz’s eyebrows furrow, confused as to why-oh, that’s why. There, in The Doctor’s eyes is a small flicker. Yaz recognizes straight away what the flicker is, having felt that way about herself countless times. She nods and turns back to look to Ryan and Graham, who have started making their way back to them.
Swallowing, Yaz takes a shot in the dark. “For what it’s worth,” she says, standing herself up and dusting sand off her body, “You shouldn’t feel insecure.” She places her glasses over her eyes and turns to face The Doctor, noting the curious but bashful expression on her face. “From what I’ve seen, which is a lot, you’re really beautiful.” She says, before turning and walking towards the ocean. She passes Graham and Ryan with a smile.
Water covers Yaz’s feet as she steps into the ocean and with a deep breath, dives under the waves, needing to cool off.
The Doctor watches Yaz swim around in the ocean, eyes focused on the young girl’s petite body, moving in and out of the waves. She had watched Yaz walk all the way into the water, eyes not once moving away.
“You alright, Doc?”
The Doctor tears her eyes away from Yaz to look at Graham, smiling at the nickname he’s given her. She likes the nickname, it subverts the old gender-specific ones she’s been given in the past: Mr. Spock, Spaceman, Clever boy, Raggedy Man, Martian Boy, Time Boy, Space Gandalf, Big Ears. Well, maybe Big Ears isn’t gender specific but, nonetheless, she feels she has quite dainty ears, thank you.
Yes, The Doctor quite likes her new nickname. Just like how she quite likes her new companions. She gives Graham a big grin. “I’m doing just fine Graham. Have a good swim?” She asks, turning her head to also direct her question to Ryan.
The boy nods at her and sits himself down in the space Yaz just vacated, a puff of sand exploding in the air. The Doctor sputters when it lands on her, shaking her head to remove it from her hair. Ryan looks at her apologetically.
“It was good, although I’m a bit baffled about why we aren’t wet?” Graham answers, turning his perfectly dry head to look at The Doctor.
The Doctor beams at him and sits herself up, positively excited to be able to tell them the brilliant intricacies of this planet. To be honest, she was a bit put out when Yaz hadn’t asked her about the sky and the ocean. She was dying to tell her about the different light prisms.
“It’s all to do with the molecular structure of the air here.” The Doctor says, hands coming up to demonstrate the molecular structure. “You know how there are those hydrophobic sprays that cause water to become one mass and just fall off the object?” When the two men nod, the Doctor continues, happy she’s managed to keep it simple. “And you know that the air on Earth is made of oxygen, nitrogen and a dash of other gasses?” More nods, “Here, the air has another element prominently involved; an alkane. This alkane effectively works as a constant hydrophobic spray against your skin, thus meaning your skin becomes hydrophobic.” She finishes with a grin, her hands coming down to slap her thighs.
Her excited blonde head whips between the two men, who now look completely lost. But like always, they nod and smile at her. She knows they haven’t completely understood what she’s meant, which usually happens. Usually, Yaz explains it in simpler terms to them. At the thought of the dark haired girl, the Doctor looks out to the ocean, spotting her bobbing head in the water.
The Doctor looks down at her own body and bites her lip nervously. She thinks I’m beautiful? A blush appears on the Doctor’s cheeks and with a deep breath, she removes her coat, folding it up neatly and placing it beside her. Her eyes dart around her nervously, wondering if anyone is looking at her.
“Didn’t know what do with yourself when she walked out in her swimming costume, did ya?” Graham says besides her.
The Doctor whips her head over to Graham, her mouth hanging open in shock. He’s not wrong. When Yaz had appeared in her costume, The Doctor felt a warmth spread to her face. Yaz is beautiful, the Doctor won’t deny it, but did she have to be so beautiful that the Doctor couldn’t stop looking at her? Apparently so, and to the point where Graham noticed.
It was near torture when it was just them sat down earlier. The Doctor really wanted to keep chatting to Yaz, but every time she would look at the girl, all words would become lodged in her throat. So, the Doctor kept her focus on the sandcastle. But she hates having conversations with no eye contact. How are you able to gauge a being’s emotional state if you can’t see them?
The fact Graham saw all this from where he and Ryan were playing in the water makes her heart pound erratically. If Graham could see, then can Yaz?
“Ryan? Did you hear me?”
The Doctor blinks, her eyes finally focusing on the fact that Graham wasn’t even looking at her as he spoke.
“Don’t start, Graham,” Ryan says with a groan and a roll of his eyes. “We’re friends. That’s it.”
“What do you think Doc?”
“What?” She asks, a little too defensively. Graham’s eyebrows raise in surprise, a smile forming on his face.
“Ryan and Yaz?” He asks, a twinkle in his kind eyes. A big softie, he is. The Doctor has a soft spot for big softies.
“Oh.” The Doctor leans up on her elbows, eyes flicking between Ryan and Graham. The twinkle in Graham’s eyes brighten. “If Ryan says they’re friends, then that’s what they are.”
“Thank you,” Ryan says, sitting himself up and crossing his legs under him. He spots her sandcastle. “Oh cool! How did you build this?” He leans forward, peering at the build with wide, childlike eyes.
The Doctor sits herself up and matches Ryan's posture. “Oh, it wasn’t difficult. A bit of this and that.” She says with a proud smile.
“No way,” Ryan looks over at her with a grin, “You’ve got to show me.”
Before she can begin to show Ryan the basics - he has got to learn that in order to build a professional sandcastle, you’ve got to master the basics to sandcastoligy - Graham nudges her in the side. “Someone has made a friend.”
Following his gaze, the Doctor’s eyes settle on Yaz, now stood on the shore of the beach, beaming smile on her face as she talks to the being in the deep sea diver suit. A small frown tugs at the Doctor’s lips when Yaz smiles that smile at the stranger, before letting out what the Doctor knows to be her angelic laugh. Heat flares on the back of The Doctor’s neck at the sight. When the deep sea diver removes his helmet to reveal a dark-haired man with a well-trimmed beard, an uncomfortable knot forms in The Doctor’s stomach.
“So she has.” The Doctor mumbles, eyes focused on this new man. She supposes he’s fairly attractive. Not as attractive as The Doctor once was. At least, she hopes not. She’s not all caught up on what style and type of man Human’s are attracted to these days. The knot tightens and The Doctor jumps up. Hungry, she’s just hungry. That’s why her stomach is feeling weird.
“Lunch time?” She asks, shaking her body to rid herself of the sand.
Graham practically groans in delight at the words. “Oh Doc, you just read my mind. I was expecting us not being able to stop for food today, like usual.” He says, standing up and placing his Hepburn glasses over his eyes.
The Doctor gives him a smile. “Usually we don’t have time!” She jumps on the spot. Yes, food is definitely what she needs. “Ryan, go get Yaz.” She says, arm swooping down to grab her coat.
She watches Ryan amble over to Yaz, who’s still talking to the deep sea diver. She folds her coat over her arm, eyes darting between Yaz, who smiles and nods at Ryan, then to the man, eyeing Ryan suspiciously. The Doctor narrows her eyes at this, an unsettling feeling coursing through her at the look the man gives Ryan. The two companions turn around and walk back over to her and Graham, Yaz sending a wave back to the man.
“Who’s your friend, Yaz?” Graham asks once they approach.
Yaz gives him a small smile and a shrug of her shoulders. “He’s part of the Sanctum.” She says, bending down to pick up her kaftan. She slips it over her head. “We were just chatting about how weird it is that the sky is pink whilst the ocean is blue.”
The Doctor nods, eyes darting up to the sky. She shuffles on her feet as Yaz puts her shoes on.
“Oh yeah? Why is it?” Ryan shoulders his bag, looking genuinely intrigued.
“He mentioned something about different light prisms and how the spectrum splits.”
The Doctor frowns. Shit. Three pairs of eyes turn to her as Graham says, “Is that right Doc?”
She scratches the back of her head and plasters a bright smile on her face. “Yeah, dead right. Come on, who’s hungry?” She says, turning around and walking away.
A small frown crosses The Doctor’s face as she walks, the knot in her stomach not loosening the closer to the cafe they get. She hears feet scurry behind her, then Yaz appears at her side, a smile on her face. The Doctor can’t fight it, and gives Yaz a smile in reply, unable to keep her frown in place when the brunette looks at her like that.
Yaz nudges her gently. “No coat?” She asks, giving The Doctor that smile . The knot in The Doctor’s stomach loosens.
The Doctor looks to the coat in her arms then up again. She shrugs nonchalantly and grins. “Yeah,” She says, extending the syllabus. They reach the doors and she pushes it open. “Was feeling hot,” She says, giving Yaz a wink as the brunette takes the offer and walks through first.
“You weren’t kidding, Doc. There really are dogs with no noses!” Graham says, voice dripping with astonishment as he walks over to the table, his tray filled with plates of food.
The Doctor leans back in her chair, a big grin plastered on her face. “When have I ever lied to you, G-Dog?” Yaz and Ryan send her the same, disgruntled look and Graham’s face twists into a grimace. The Doctor scrunches her nose and nods. “Yeah, never saying that again.” She says sticking her tongue out and shaking her head.
“Got enough food there, Graham?” Yaz asks, a smile on her face. Her own tray holds one plate, filled with chips. Ryan’s is the same, accompanied by a glass of lemonade.
“Hey,” The older man starts, pointing his fork in Yaz’s direction, “You know what the Doc is like, I don’t know when we’ll next get to eat and I would like to prepare myself.” He says, starting to cut into a slab of meat on one of his plates.
The Doctor laughs and rolls her eyes. “Honestly Graham you make it sound like I never feed you.”
“Near enough.” He replies with a grin. “And anyway, they have food here from every single planet, I’d be a fool to not try it all!” He picks up his slab of meat. “Look at this! Venison from Venus!” His eyes twinkle in excitement as he cuts a piece off and happily places it into his mouth.
“And what has Earth got to offer? Chips.” Ryan says, with a small frown, placing a chip in his mouth.
“Oi,” The Doctor says, sitting up. “Those happen to be the best chips in the Universe,” She says, reaching across to nab a chip off Ryan’s plate, ignoring his stutter of protest. She places it in her mouth and chews happily. “Beautiful!” She says, kissing her fingers. Yaz laughs beside her.
“How do you know they’re the best chips?” Ryan asks.
“Because I told them they are. If I remember correctly,” She reaches forward and takes another chip from Ryan’s plate. She takes a bite and nods. “Yup, from the Kebab Van in Trafalgar square, three feet to the left of the statue of Eros at three o’clock in the morning.” She takes another bite, a frown gracing her features. “Oh, they’ve lost a star on their TripAdvisor rating.”
Yaz shakes her head in amusement. “I think you’re wrong.” She declares, raising a challenging eyebrow to The Doctor.
The Doctor’s eyebrow quirks and she leans forward, towards Yaz. She smiles at the brunette, happy to accept the challenge. “Yasmin Khan,” She says, letting the girl’s name roll over her tongue, “Are you telling me there are better chips than the kebab van in Trafalgar square?”
The younger woman nods, popping a chip in her mouth. “Definitely. The Kebab shop on Cambridge street in Sheffield. At two o’clock in the morning. Best chips around.”
“You talking about Chubby’s?”
The Doctor’s head whips over to Ryan, who’s now become invested in their conversation. She glances over to Graham. He’s finished three of his six plates and is starting to look like he’s struggling. Her head turns back to Yaz, who nods.
“Ah yeah, Yaz is right, Doctor. Their chips, with a bit of cheese and mayo on the side, are the one.” Ryan says, adding a small fist pump as he speaks.
“See? Ryan agrees with me.” Yaz’s eyebrow rises higher and she smirks at The Doctor.
The Timelord feels her own smirk grace her face and she clicks her tongue. “Well, I guess you’re just going to have to take me there, Yasmin Khan.” She says, unintentionally leaning closer. She doesn’t notice the way Graham looks between her and Yaz, then to Ryan, who has his own smirk on his face.
Yaz’s smirk grows and her eyes dance around The Doctor’s face, eyes twinkling with mirth. “I guess I am, Doctor.”
The Doctor glances down to Yaz’s smirk then back to her eyes. “It’s a date then.”
Their eye contact is broken when Yaz turns her head to look at the person behind her. The Doctor leans back in her chair, eyes trailing up the person who interrupted them. She realizes, with a twist in her stomach, it’s the man from earlier. He’s ditched the deep sea diver suit and up close, The Doctor realizes he is attractive. A James Dean type of guy. She looks to Ryan and Graham who have matching expressions. Ones that say “Who the fuck is this guy?”
“Bill! Hi!” Yaz says, standing up from her chair with a kind smile.
The Doctor holds back a snicker. Bill, what a stupid name. Instead, she directs a smile to this stranger. “Bill, these are my friends. Guys, this is Bill.” Yaz says, gesturing to the three of them still sat down.
Bill gives them a kind smile, “Sorry to interrupt,” He says, not looking the least bit sorry.
“Oh it’s fine, the more the merrier!” The Doctor says, struggling to keep her grin on her face. Yaz glances to The Doctor a little awkwardly. It’s a stark difference to their playful attitudes a moment ago.
Bill doesn’t look at The Doctor, his focus remaining on Yaz. “Just wanted to say hello before we go and eat.” He says, gesturing to the beings standing in the line behind him.
The Doctor waves at them all, grinning when they wave back. They seem like a nice bunch. A lot nicer than this Bill . “Would you like to join us, Bill?” The Doctor asks, knowing she needs to act some civil to this man. Besides, she would like the chance to chat with one of his friends about how their respiratory system works with so many trunks.
The James Dean look-a-like finally makes eye contact with The Doctor. “Oh, no that’s okay thank you.” He looks back to Yaz, “See you around?” He asks, a strange smile pulling on his face.
The Doctor looks to Ryan when the boy snickers into his hand, not quite understanding what he’s finding so funny. “Uh, yeah, sure.” She hears Yaz reply hesitantly. She turns back to Bill and Yaz to see Bill give her a smile before turning and walking off. The Doctor keeps her eyes on him as Yaz sits back down.
“He seems sweet on you,” Graham says to the young woman.
The Doctor’s eyes turn to Yaz, her eyebrow twitching slightly. Yaz rolls her eyes at Graham. “I had one conversation with him.” She says, pushing her chips around on her plate.
“Looks like a bellend to me,” Ryan says with a laugh. The Doctor smiles at that, her eyes glancing back to Yaz, who levels Ryan with an unimpressed stare. “He hardly spared the rest of a glance, just kept looking at you.”
“Ryan,” Graham warns.
The Doctor watches as Yaz pushes her chips around her plate, looking uncomfortable over the talk of Bill’s admiration of her. She bites her lip. Friends. She needs to be a good friend to Yaz. So, she says what she thinks is expected for her to say: “He’s nice.”
Yaz looks up at The Doctor at that, a questioning look in her eyes. The Doctor doesn’t have enough time to read into the look before Yaz stands, picking up her tray.
“I’m going to go for a walk.” The brunette says. “Explore the planet for a bit.”
“Want us to come with you?” The Doctor asks, standing up with her.
Yaz shakes her head. “No, I’ll be ok.”
The Doctor nods at her, “Ok, meet us at the TARDIS by nightfall. Any later and I’ll be sending out a search party as big as the Universe.” She warns jokingly.
She earns an amused smile from Yaz before the younger woman turns around. The Doctor watches Yaz go, biting her lip. Her eyes dart to Bill sat in the corner with his friends. His eyes follow Yaz as she goes. When she’s out of sight, his eyes move back and lock on to The Doctor. The man quirks a challenging eyebrow at her. She raises her own at him.
Oh mate, bring it on.
The Doctor mulls with the TARDIS.
Final chapter for you all! Hope you have enjoyed reading this story and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Thank you for your kudos and comments during the course of this story. xoxo
The TARDIS hums soothingly, quelling The Doctor’s nerves as her eyes glance periodically to her clock. Her fingers run over her yellow suspenders, pulling at the material every now and then. She can hear Graham and Ryan in the kitchen, the distinct sound of the kettle boiling away. Out of all her companions, The Doctor is sure Graham is the only one to have used her kettle so much.
The Doctor’s posture is, at first glance, one of relaxation. She looks chillaxed, she supposes. Leaning back in her seat, feet propped up on the console (much to the TARDIS’s chagrin), beachwear swapped out for her usual outfit, sans the coat. Anyone would see her and think ‘yeah, she looks cool, chill, totally fine.’ But if they look close enough, they’d see the fumble of her suspenders, the slight tightness of her shoulders and the deep, steadying breaths. They’d notice her anxious demeanor, her worried posture.
Most people don’t see it. Yaz isn’t most people. The Doctor isn’t obtuse, she knows Yaz has seen that look cross The Doctor’s face. Graham and Ryan may never see, but Yaz always does. The Doctor had thought she covered it up pretty well, trying to implement what the Old Man had told her before she took over.
Never be cruel. Never be cowardly. Never eat pears ( She’s stayed away from them, that’s for sure - Apples! Apples are her new favourite now!). Hate is always foolish, love is always wise...Laugh hard, run fast. Be kind.
She’s tried. My gods has she tried . But as fast as she runs, she can never run from the past. The past can hurt, but you can either run from it or, learn from - Hang on, no that’s The Lion King, she’s going off tangent now.
The people she’s lost. The people who’ve left. Those she has harmed. She can change as much as she wants but the truth is that who she once was will always be there. That can never change and unfortunately, her past likes to creep back on her and she struggles to hold it back. So, the emotions appear on her face, the look flashes in her eye. Yaz sees it every time.
The Doctor looks at Yaz and she sees Rose. Of course, they look nothing alike. But their fascination for the universe, determination, ambition, empathy for other people and beings. That’s the same. Therefore, the pain The Doctor feels when she thinks of Rose, she feels when she thinks of Yaz. Whether it’s forced apart, like Rose, or out of necessity, or because she wants to, Yaz will leave the TARDIS for the last time. It’s this that causes The Doctor the pain and twists in her hearts. Because, as she did with Rose, The Doctor is falling for Yaz. And that’s what makes all of this so difficult. That’s why The Doctor has been burying down her feelings, ignoring them.
She’s not foolish for think this, is she? Her track record kind of backs up her thinking. Rose, she lost. Martha walked away from her. Donna doesn’t remember her. Amy and Rory, they chose each other. Which she’s truly happy about, they deserved to live a happy life together. It doesn’t mean it hurt any less to watch them sacrifice themselves for each other and leave her. Clara, well, The Doctor forgot about her. Not willingly. But it was The Doctor’s fault she did.
River Song. She died at a time where she knew everything about The Doctor, but The Doctor knew nothing about her. And while they spent 24 years together that night on Darillium, it was still 24 years too short.
Yes, The Doctor believes herself to be quite right in holding back on her feelings for Yaz. Especially because it’s two minutes past nightfall and if The Doctor wasn’t holding back then she’d be out that door now searching for her.
The TARDIS beeps and The Doctor’s head whips up, her mouth hanging open in disbelief.
“What do you mean I’m making excuses?” She asks, astonishment in her voice. She removes her feet from the console.
Another beep, followed by three slightly higher beeps.
A high pitched gasp escapes The Doctor and she stands up. “I have been following his advice perfectly well-”
The TARDIS interrupts her with a few more beeps, causing another gasp to sound from the Timelord. “Did you just interrupt-” The TARDIS beeps again, causing The Doctor to let out a few affronted gasp, all varying in pitch. “Well I never-” Beep, “Can you sto-” Beeeeeeeep “I have half the mind to unplu-” Beep beep “ Yes I know you can’t be unplugged but I was hoping you wouldn’t.” The Doctor huffs, folding her arms across her chest and scowling at the TARDIS.
The TARDIS beeps a few more times and The Doctor sighs, looking at her apologetically. “Yes, I’m sorry it was mean for me to suggest I would unplug you.” The Doctor unfolds her arms and leans forward onto the console, head coming down to rest against the cool metal. She sighs heavily. “What am I to do?” She asks, voice quiet.
There’s a clicking sound beside her, then a familiar voice plays through the speakers.
“ Never be cruel. Never be cowardly. ”
The Doctor’s head lifts up, her eyes focusing on the screen facing her, displaying video footage of her old self, looking worse for wear as he stumbles his way around the TARDIS, his TARDIS. The footage flickers then fast forwards.
“ Laugh hard .” The Doctor looks from the screen to the main console of the TARDIS, not quite understanding what’s happening. The TARDIS beeps then rewinds the footage. “ Love is always wise .”
The Doctor rolls her eyes. “You’re taking this out of context-”
The TARDIS beeps three times and The Doctor rolls her eyes. “Ok yes, everything can be interpreted different-” The footage rewinds again. “ Be kind.” The Doctor purses her lips to hold back her smile at the TARDIS’ cheekiness. The footage fast forwards.
“ Never be cowardly.” The footage clicks off, then, new footage appears. It’s from after they left Punjab. Yaz stands on her own to the side. The Doctor then walks up to her.
The current Doctor closes her eyes. She doesn’t need to see the footage to know what emotion was on Yaz’s face. She doesn’t need to see her face, as she can remember exactly how she felt then. She had dug her hands into her pockets to hold off from hugging Yaz. As much as she wanted to comfort the girl she held back and let her voice do the work.
The footage changes again. “ Ryan go get a blanket! ” The Doctor’s eyes fly open at the sound of her own voice. On the screen she sees herself approach Yaz as the girl struggles with her breathing. The Doctor’s face becomes solemn as she watches herself guide Yaz out of her panic attack. She remembers her own panic within that moment, her heart flipping erratically as she watched Yaz become so scared and terrified. She remembers the need within her to make Yaz feel safe, to help Yaz through the attack.
“Enough.” The Doctor whispers desperately. The footage clicks off and The Doctor rubs her forehead with a heavy sigh. “You’ve made your point.”
Nodding to herself, The Doctor turns around and grabs her coat. She spots Ryan and Graham, who have walked back into the console room. Graham holds out a mug to her.
“Your tea Doc?” He asks her as she rushes past him, pulling on her coat.
“Ta, Graham.” She says, not taking the mug from him. “Keep it warm for me, yeah?”
The two men watch her with wide eyes as she grabs her keys and walks out the TARDIS, coat billowing behind her.
Graham turns to Ryan, a smile on his face. “Ten pounds says they’re together by the morning.” He says, placing a mug down.
Ryan shakes his head at him. “Nah, a tenner says there’s another week left of this.” He replies, a smirk on his face.
The older man nods at him, matching Ryan’s smirk with one of his own. “You’re on.”
The TARDIS beeps her own wager. Not that either of them can understand her.
The Doctor walks across the beach, eyes darting left and right in hopes of finding Yaz somewhere along here. So far, she’s had no luck. But there’s still 3000 miles of beach to search so she’s not giving up.
Her brisk pace slows down, then finally to a stop when she spots a familiar mound of sand. Squatting down, The Doctor marvels at her earlier handiwork, a grin appearing on her face as she inspects her sandcastle. There’s a reason she was named sandcastle champion at the 3023 Beach Olympic Games. Yes, there are beach Olympic games and yes, there is a sandcastle category. The Doctor fought long and hard for that to be included. It’s hard work, building a sandcastle. Especially when you have a pretty girl lying next to you as The Doctor did earlier.
The Doctor’s grin disappears when the tide comes up and washes over the sandcastle, removing all traces of her hard work. She scrunches her nose and shakes her head. Standing up, she turns to the ocean, hands coming to rest on her hips.
“Why would you do that?” She says to the waves crashing by her feet. “You’ve ruined a perfectly good sandcastle.”
Shaking her head, the Timelord turns and starts her search again, only to come to a halt when she looks up at the cafe. There, standing by the balcony is a lone figure. Biting her lip, The Doctor mulls over her options. She could continue her search on the beach for 3000 miles, the figure could be gone by then. Or, she can take her chances and go see who is standing on their own. The beach will still be there after she’s gone looking. The figure, maybe not.
Mind made up, The Doctor walks up to the cafe, a soft smile gracing her face when the figure becomes more visible. There, leaning against the balcony, looking out at the view and munching on a plate of chips is Yaz. Still wearing her kaftan from earlier. Still beautiful.
The Doctor quietly makes her way over to Yaz, who doesn’t look up from her plate of chips. The Doctor holds back from grinning in excitement, hoping she might have the chance to do a little jump sca-
“Have a little trouble with the water, Doctor?” Yaz says, placing a chip in her mouth, eyes looking out over the horizon.
The Doctor sighs, dejected. No jump scare then. She saddles up to the railing, matching Yaz’s pose to look out over the horizon. From where they are stood, the Doctor has a perfect view of where her sandcastle once was.
“Ruined my sandcastle.” The Doctor says, a pout forming on her face. She glances over to Yaz, spotting the smirk hiding in the corner of the brunette’s mouth.
“I saw. Looked like you were telling it off.” She replies, eating another chip. Yaz looks up at The Doctor, her smirk turning into a grin.
The Doctor can’t help but match her grin with one of her own. Though, she knows her grin isn’t nearly as bright as Yaz’s. Hers' are always beaming. “I was. The ocean should know not to treat a person’s creation like that.”
Yaz laughs and The Doctor finds her heart fluttering at the sound. Who was she kidding? How could she ever ignore this feeling? The Doctor looks down at Yaz’s chips. “Changed your mind, then?” She asks.
Yaz looks at the chips and tilts her head to the side. “Hmm…” She kisses her teeth. “No. Chub’s is still better.” She says before offering the plate to The Doctor.
The Doctor happily accepts, taking one and popping it in her mouth. She moans in delight. “See,” She says around the chip, “I can’t even begin to believe there are chips better than these.”
As Yaz gives her an amused smile, the two women fall into a comfortable silence, chewing away and looking out at the night sky with the wind blowing around them. The Doctor turns her head when she hears the plate be placed down. Yaz turns back to her, wiping her hands on her jeans. The Doctor watches as Yaz brings her thumb up to her mouth and suck away at the ketchup she finds there. Her eyes focus in on the skin disappearing between Yaz’s lips.
When the lips move, the Doctor is bought out of her Yaz induced haze, realising she had been staring at Yaz’s lips long after she removed her thumb. Her eyes move up to find Yaz’s looking at her with mirth.
The Doctor clears her throat and averts her gaze to the landscape in front of them. She feels Yaz shuffle to her left, close to The Doctor. “Why is the sky a different colour to the ocean?”
Blonde brows furrow in confusion. “Didn’t Bill tell you?” She asks, trying to keep as much bitterness out of her voice when she utters the man’s name.
Yaz hums. “Yeah, but I think I would prefer for you to tell me.” The Doctor jumps slightly when she feels Yaz’s shoulder brush against hers.
How can she deny this girl the power of her knowledge? The Doctor glances to Yaz and smiles. “He was right, it is to do with different spectrums. Here, the light from the pink sun refracts differently to…” And so The Doctor delves into her explanation, hands becoming animated as she talks, jargon words like spectrum, gamma, electromagnetic thrown around. The whole time she speaks, The Doctor watches for a moment where she will lose Yaz, going too sciency for her to keep up. She waits for the distant, glazed look that normally appears in Ryan and Graham’s eyes when she gets too technical.
But through her whole explanation, Yaz keeps a firm interest in what The Doctor is explaining, even offering up questions here and there. Not once does Yaz show signs of daydreaming. Not that The Doctor is surprised, Yaz always seems keen to learn more. It’s one of the traits The Doctor loves about her. During the whole explanation, Yaz manages to make The Doctor feel like what she was saying was super interesting (which, of course, it is! But not all humans think so!), and have The Doctor feel like she’s the most important person in the world.
When she finishes her explanation with a flurry of hands and a “That’s basically it!”, Yaz nods at her, a grin on her face and says:
“Yep, definitely prefer it when you tell me.”
She isn’t sure when, but during her explanation, at some point, The Doctor and Yaz somehow moved closer than they were before. There is little to no space between their shoulders. The Doctor is pretty sure she can see her reflection in Yaz’s eyes.
An anxious look appears in Yaz’s eyes and their contact is broken when she looks away. The Doctor watches her, a small frown in place as the brunette appears to struggle for words. “I-I’m sorry. About the panic attack. I used to have them as a kid and I thought I had gotten a hang of them now but-”
Seeing Yaz’s growing panic, The Doctor reaches forward and places what she hopes is a calming hand on Yaz’s arm. She feels the muscles under her touch relax and waits for Yaz to look at her.
“You don’t need to apologize,” The Doctor says earnestly. She squeezes the arm under her touch. “Ever.”
Warmth tingles her skin and The Doctor glances down, eyebrows raising when she sees Yaz’s hand covering her own. She watches their hands clasp together, a smile gracing her face when their fingers lock together.
“How-how did you know what to do? You seemed to know exactly what I needed.”
“I’m over 900 years old, Yaz. I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks.” The Doctor explains, kindly. Sadness fills The Doctor’s chest as she thinks back to when her panic attacks got particularly bad.
“Did they occur after you lost your friends?”
The Doctor looks up at Yaz and there’s that twinkle in Yaz’s eyes. The one that tells The Doctor that she saw it. The look. Like always. Not being able to find the words, The Doctor nods her head ever so slightly. Yaz mimics it.
The Doctor stretches her fingers, her heart thrumming in her chest when Yaz interprets this as discomfort and removes her hand from The Doctor’s. The blonde looks up at Yaz, going to tell her to keep her hand where it was, but the words get lodged in her throat.
A heavy sigh escapes Yaz, before she turns back to The Doctor with a bashful smile. “I guess if I’m apologizing for that, then I’ve got to apologize for the shower incident.”
The Doctor is confused for a moment. Then, the memory of Yaz walking in on her standing but naked, reaching for her towel. A blush appears on The Doctor’s face and she puffs some hair out of her eyes, letting out a chuckle.
“I was looking for the games room, but I guess the TARDIS rearranged or something and-”
The TARDIS. Oh that cheeky blue box. She’s going to have a stern talking to it when they get back.
“-well, you were there for the rest.” Yaz finishes, bashful smile turning into a grin.
“Indeed I was.” The Doctor finally manages to say. She looks at Yaz, the red in her cheeks dissipating when she catches a look flash in Yaz’s eyes. The Doctor’s eyebrows rise when she realizes what the look was. Finding a new found spout of courage surge in her chest, The Doctor smoothly (what she hopes is smooth) moves closer to Yaz.
“So yeah, I’m sorry.” Yaz says, adjusting her posture so her body is turned to The Doctor. There’s not a look of apology in the brunette’s eyes.
The Doctor nods, one hand on the railing, the other in her coat pocket. “Yeah. You’re not though.” She boldly says, moving a touch closer.
Yaz shakes her head, eyes darting about The Doctor’s face. “No, I really am.” She looks anything but. Yaz matches The Doctor’s step, her hand coming to rest on the railing, sliding closer.
The Timelord shakes her head, her eyes dart down to their hands, almost touching on the railing. “I wouldn’t be. If it was the other way around.” She replies, her eyes briefly moving from Yaz’s to look over the younger woman’s form. The hand in her pocket moves out and rests by her side, fingers itching to reach out and hold Yaz. Her other hand just does that and moves her hand forward, fingers coming to slide between Yaz’s on the railing.
She’s not sure who moved closer, but her vision is completely filled with Yaz’s face. “You wouldn’t?” She feels the words spoken against her lips, the warmth of Yaz’s breath dancing over her skin.
And now The Doctor has a face full of Yaz’s hair. Moving her face away to peer around Yaz’s body, The Doctor physically struggles to hold back an eye roll and groan. This guy, again . The Doctor isn’t one to swear, but impeccable fucking timing mate. It’s almost as if someone is writing this shit.
Bill walks closer to them, his eyes glancing over to The Doctor as he approaches. “Bill, hi,” Yaz says, sounding shocked to see him, and, if The Doctor is mistaken, annoyed.
“I thought you guys left.” He says, coming to a stop about a foot away from Yaz. Yeah, stay right where you are, Bill. He looks past Yaz to The Doctor and a look of fake surprise crosses his face. “Oh sorry,” He says, stepping forward. “I didn’t catch your name earlier,” He says, fake smile in place as he stretches his hand out to her.
The Doctor ignores his hand, a sickly sweet smile gracing her face. It’s almost menacing. “I didn’t throw it.” She says, just as sweetly.
Bill’s hand falls to his side, his smile twitching slightly as the comment. Yaz looks back at The Doctor, a faux look of shock on her face. “Doctor!” Yaz says to her in a faux hushed tone.
The Doctor shrugs and Bill raises an eyebrow at her. “Doctor?” He asks, his chest puffing out slightly. He’s intimidated. Good. “Doctor of what?”
What? Ok, that’s completely thrown her. Thinking quickly, she replies. “Radiotherapy.” Fuck . Bill smirks at her, his chest puffing even bigger. He knows and she knows she just fucked up in her thinking.
“Radiotherapy?” He says, voice dripping with thinly veiled scorn. “Isn’t that an obsolete medicinal path now that humans have successfully cured any and all cancers?”
Yes, it is. The Doctor knows it is, and she’s bloody well kicking herself for saying it. Her smile grows sweeter. “Yes, well. There’s always someone who needs my help, and I never refuse.” The Doctor looks to Yaz, heart hammering at the beaming smile Yaz directs her way. Her smile softens as she looks at the woman.
Bill sees this interaction and his chest deflates ever so slightly. Now ignoring The Doctor, he turns to Yaz, his arm moving to fall over Yaz’s shoulders and effectively turn her away from The Doctor. “Anyway, so Yaz-”
Okay no. No one just brushes The Doctor aside like that. “Hey, uh Ben,” She calls out, taking a step forward as she does so. Bill stops and turns around and Yaz takes the opportunity to slip out from under his arm.
The Doctor’s nose scrunches at this in faux confusion. “Isn’t that what I said?”
She takes a step closer to Bill, hands coming to rest in her pockets. “No, you told me your name was Ben.”
“No I said it was Bill.” He says through gritted teeth. The Doctor over exaggerates her confusion.
“Ben, Ben, Ben, where have I heard-.” She says, tilting her head to the side. “Bill, Bill. Bill and Ben - Oh!” She says with a jump and a snap of her fingers. “I know!” Bill jumps back slightly at her sudden change in demeanor. “Your mate! Ben!”
Bill looks at her in confusion. The Doctor can see Yaz smirking at her in the corner of her. She knows exactly what The Doctor is doing. “Ben?’ Bill says.
The Doctor nods enthusiastically. “Yeah yeah. He uh told me he’s found a flowerpot for ya.” She nods to no one over Bill’s shoulder. “You best find him before he loses it.”
Clearly not quite knowing how to react to The Doctor, Bill looks around himself then directs his gaze over to a very amused Yaz. “Yaz, do you wanna-”
“No thank you, Bill,” Yaz says, declining whatever he was about to offer.
“Flowerpot, Bill.” The Doctor says in a cheery manner, indicating randomly over his shoulder.
With one final confused look to The Doctor, Bill takes Yaz’s rejection in his stride and turns around, running down the hill. The Doctor has to hand it to him, he could have kicked up a fuss with Yaz, but he took her rejection and left her.
She hears gleeful laughter behind her, then a hand is being slipped into her own and she’s being spun around. The Doctor steadies her footing, smiling at the laughing Yaz, heart swelling at the joy in her brown eyes.
Not letting the moment slip away from her, and feeling a surge of confidence in her chest, The Doctor finally does what she’s been too scared to do.
Grabbing the back of Yaz’s neck with her hand, The Doctor gently pulls Yaz into her. Her eyes close when she feels gentle lips touch against her own. Butterflies erupt in her stomach when Yaz’s lips slide against hers, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth from the pure joy tingling throughout her body. Her body melts against Yaz’s, one hand firmly cupping the back of her neck, the other resting on Yaz’s hip, fingers clutching at the material of the kaftan. She feels Yaz’s arms move to wrap around her neck. The Doctor moves the hand on Yaz’s cheek to rest on her other hip, pulling the brunette impossibly closer. She swipes a tongue across Yaz’s bottom lip, a moan escaping her when their tongues glide together.
She’s not sure how long they stay like that, mouths fused, bodies melding into one as they stand on the balcony, a million star twinkling above them. All she knows is this moment is perfect.
Sometime later, the pair finally reunites themselves with the rest of the gang within the TARDIS. The Doctor holds the door open for Yaz, a smile plastered on her face as she watches Yaz walk past her. The smile has been in place since they broke apart up on the balcony.
It only grows when Yaz reaches back and grabs The Doctor’s hand, pulling her through the door and towards the console, smiling and giggling like a couple of school girls. The Doctor wraps an arm around Yaz’s shoulder and presses a kiss to the side of her head. They are distracted from one another by the sound of a throat clearing.
Looking up, The Doctor spies Graham and Ryan stood beside the TARDIS console, matching smirks on their faces. Graham holds his hand to Ryan. “Cough it up.” He says to the younger boy, not removing his kind eyes from the women.
The Doctor watches, mouth falling open in shock when Ryan removes a ten-pound note from his pocket and places into Graham’s hand. “Thank you.” He says.
“You placed a bet on us!” The Doctor says, arms falling from Yaz’s shoulders. She hears Yaz laugh beside her.
Before Graham can reply, the TARDIS beeps a couple of times and The Doctor gasps, her hand coming up to point at the TARDIS. “Not you too!” She exclaims, moving closer to the console.
There’s another beep, then a hatch opens on the console. The Doctor rolls her eyes then turns to Graham. “She wants your ten-pound note.”
Graham takes a step away, hands clutching the money to his chest. “W-what? Why? It’s mine.”
The Doctor sighs and steps forward, taking the money from him. “Honestly Graham, you sound like a baby.” She says, turning around and placing the money in the hatch. It closes and the TARDIS beeps her thank you.
“You’re in a time out!” The Doctor says, “First changing the floor plan so Yaz will walk in on me and now placing a bet on us!”
Graham grows pink. “What! I didn’t do that!”
“Not you, Graham. The TARDIS.” The Doctor says exasperatedly over her shoulder.
“She stole my money!”
“No she didn’t. She won it fair and square. She bet we would be together tonight, to the hour. Right on time.” The Doctor explains, somewhat proudly, pointing to the clock. “She made the bet with you two.” She says, pointing to Graham and Ryan.
Ryan nods. “It’s true, I heard her.”
Graham looks at his grandson, perplexed. “You’re telling me you can understand her?”
Ryan nods again. “I can too,” Yaz says, moving to stand beside The Doctor. The Doctor looks to Yaz, a big smile on her face.
“Am I the only one who can’t?”
“Honestly Graham it’s not that difficult.” The Doctor says, turning to lean her back against The TARDIS console. Her hand automatically finds Yaz.
Graham looks between the three of them, then to the TARDIS before exhaling and turning around. “I need a cup of tea.” He mumbles to himself, walking to the kitchen.
When he’s out of sight, The Doctor claps her (and Yaz’s) hands together. “Perfect, quick thinking there Ryan, proper got him.” She says with a grin to the boy.
“Yeah, I can’t understand her.” He says with a chuckle, moving to follow his grandad.
“I would like to understand her,” Yaz says as they watch Ryan leave. The Doctor looks at her, an eyebrow raised. “I feel like I kind of do. Kinda like how we understand cats and dogs? I know when she’s happy or sad from her behaviour, but I can’t chat with her.”
A small smile pulls up on The Doctor’s face. “I’m sure she’d love it if you could.”
Yaz tilts her head. “Yeah?”
The Doctor nods. “Definitely.” The Doctor pats the console then leans forward to press a kiss to Yaz’s cheek.
The TARDIS beeps her agreement.