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And if I Wielded It (but don't ever doubt-)

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Dedicated to all the amazing Thors and Lokis I RPd with. I'm having a blast, guys, esriously. And loving i t!  That's why so many almost-ficlets wrote themselves these days, no doubt. Heh heh. XD

Your fan,

Marta Kira Ciri R. Ayanami

P.S. I wonder where I could find a Gamora or a Nebula... :)





Loki would never set his foot in Asgard again. Never see Mother again. Never see Thor again.

With the best of luck, he may someday see Fathet again. Seconds before Father would kill him.

He'd like that. If he had time, he'd just ask him, when did he stop loving him.

No. He wouldn't ask. The answer.... could be so much scarier. Scarier than all the ones that Ebony Maw made up. Scarier even then what the Thanos likely thought.

They, Loki thought, had no imagination. The answer could be so much more horrifying, after all.

In just one, two, three, four, five words, the answer could be Worse.

He shuddered.


"I'm not sleeping tonight," Loki mutters to Gamora.

She only just came to visit. Which is nice. He likes that. She didn't even come to hurt him, just to visit.

Very kind of her, truly.

"Because of Maw?"

"Yes," he answered, speaking slowly like to a fool. "He has this weird sceptre, from him, I' bet my brother's life that it is from him, the brain inside smells, smells of him, I mislike it."

Gamora frowned.


"Thought. Sentience. Vision. Mind. Vision? I know not. I hate them. They haven't touched me, but I loathe them. With that mind inside, anybody can see my dreams and freely, with popcorn if they want."

"Pop... corn?"

Gamora shook her head, looked at Loki as if he was crazy or otherwise mad, and left his - bedroom? Room? Chamber? Cell? 

He knew not. It was all that, and nothing. He was freely imprisoned, and everything ever was a lie.

In other words, it was his life, just without some fancy clothing and fake looking paintings, that looked as if they were covering a Thing underneath. Heh!

He was not coming Home. That was just a fact of life. Like that water was liquid.

Never coming home. He said so. And so, if even it was a Lie, the Titan was infortunately still almighty enough to make true - for a millenium at least, mayhaps.

Well, too bad.

Or just as well. Nobody missed Loki and that, too, was just a fact.




Mom may miss him someday.


Loki smiled softly, cast a spell on himself in order not to dream of Frigga in any capacity, and fell asleep for half an hour, almost calm enough to almost rest, almost almost almost almost, slightly.

He dreamt of Thor, on the Bifrost. Thor reaching for him. Screaming "no".

Wanting Loki to stay alive, for some stupidest reason.

That was... a very happy dream. Memory. Nice to keep.

And no sticks could change it, of course.

So there was nothing to worry about. Gamora was right, in the last two months, Loki grew a bit too paranoid.

When there was even one person, one brother, who did not want him dead, not quite.

Maybe the Universe wasn't the worst after all.

Thor didn't miss Loki, for sure, but in a few years..

I will perhaps miss him. That is... good. Love doesn't exist here. But I'm NOT here. That's the ticket.

I'm not here.

I'm not here.

I'm not here.

I never was.

Someday, I will go conquer some boring planet, and then they will let me go.

It's wonderful!

Because I'm not even here.

I never was.