Of course, he knew. It was obvious. After all he was the quiet one in the group, he observed and noticed things, but instead of talking about them, he used them in his songs. And looking at Taehyung gave him enough material to write entire discography. Younger was a fountain of love and energy, always happy, always curious, always engaging with others. He also knew his place and treated everyone with respect and sympathy, never letting anybody feel unimportant or disliked. Tae was friends with everybody. Everybody, Yoongi included.
But lately, rapper noticed slight change in the way Taehyung was acting around him. It was little things, like the way he looked for him every time he entered the room, only to turn away as Yoongi looked back. Like the way he nervously bit his lip after complementing him, and the way he grinned when older complemented him. And if Taehyung was always confident to show other members affection, he became slightly hesitant with Yoongi.
And Suga wasn’t stupid. He knew what that meant. Tae had feelings for him. He had to have. It was written all over his face. But it only happened in last few months, because Yoongi was sure it wasn’t there before.
And nobody noticed that, probably because nobody looked at Taehyung as much as he did. And nobody cared about emotions in Taehyung’s eyes the way he did. And nobody liked Taehyung the way he did.
Yoongi have been crushing on younger for almost two years, but he knew his feelings were one-sided. He knew Tae was not his to claim, but then it slowly started to change, and one day, during late practice their eyes meet in the mirror and he knew.
Taehyung didn’t know how to deal with this. He wasn’t one to hide his feelings, he always had to let them out somehow. But he knew that this situation was not something he could share with group or talk out with Jimin. There was only one person that was meant to know about it. It’s been weeks of him trying to supress his feelings, when he decided enough is enough and marched to Yoongi’s room. He knew Jin was on his vocal lesson and wouldn’t interrupt them. He walked in without knocking, making Suga spin around from his wardrobe, where he was just sorting out his clothes. But before he could complain about younger invading his space, Taehyung took a deep breath and spoke.
“I like you, hyung.”
Yoongi looked at him with raised eyebrows, eyes round and surprised, for what seemed like hours, but then he dropped hanger in his hand and walked over to bed, sitting down and patting spot next to him, instructing latter to join him. Tae hesitated for a second, but then obeyed. He was expecting Suga to be shocked, ask questions, maybe even get mad, but what he didn’t expect was soft, sad smile appearing on his face.
“I like you too, Tae, but you know that we can’t-”
“I’m not trying to force anything on you, hyung. I just wanted you to know, so you don’t get abashed if I ever act too affectionate towards you. And if you’re not comfortable with that, I will keep my distance, just-” Taehyung was so caught up in his monologue that he almost missed what Yoongi said. “Wait, you like me back?”
Suga shrugged, his cheeks suddenly turning pink. “Yeah?”
Well, that was something Taehyung did not expect.
“But it doesn’t change anything, Tae. Our contracts are clear. No dating whatsoever.”
“You’re right.” Boy admitted, trying to ignore how his heart almost combusted at thought of Suga even mentioning dating. He was overwhelmed by mix of emotions - joy that his feelings were being reciprocated and sadness, because his hyung was right. “But isn’t it only about public relationships?”
“Do you remember what happened when they caught Hobi dating?”
Tae nodded slowly, thinking how managers scolded their member for being irresponsible and risking whole group’s reputation. “But that was with person outside group?” He tried.
Yoongi didn’t reply. Instead he took Taehyung’s hand in his and sighed, looking down at their intertwingled fingers. They both knew things were complicated.
“I wish…” He started, but then just shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yoongi-ah, look at me.” Suga slowly looked up, his eyes sad and unsure. “When I came here, I didn’t want to ask you for anything, but… could you just think about it? About us?”
“Would you really want to go through all of this? Secrets, lies, hiding?” Yoongi shook his head again. “I don’t want you to risk anything. I couldn’t stand if you were to lose your career because of me.”
Tae wanted to protest, say that he doesn’t care about his career, but they both knew it was a lie. He did care about their group and fans, and he knew that losing Bangtan would also mean losing Suga. And it was better to keep distance, but stay close, than risk too much. And although his heart was not agreeing to that, he disconnected their hands.
“Ok.” He whispered, but then last glimmer of hope appeared. “Could I at least get one kiss?”
Yoongi considered that for a minute, biting his lip nervously.
“No.” He whispered after a moment.
“No?” Taehyung’s voice broke, just like his hope, sounding like a whine.
“I already can’t stop thinking about you. Don’t make it harder, please.”
Tae understood. He understood that maybe it’s better not to know what they would be missing out on. So he nodded and stood up, preparing to walk away.
“I’m sorry, Tae.”
“It’s not your fault, hyung.” He said with a small, sad smile. “This conversation went a thousand times better than I expected anyway.”
“What are you gonna do now?”
“Nothing, I guess? Just act as everything is normal.”
“I’ve been doing it for way longer than you.”
“How could you know?”
“I notice things.”
Taehyung opened his mouth to ask more, visibly intrigued, but Yoong spoke first. “Let’s just pretend this talk never happened, ok? Don’t distance yourself from me because of it. I want you near.”
“I don’t know if I can…” Tae admitted. “But I’ll try.”
When boy left room, Suga groaned loudly, falling back on bed. There was big, heavy rock in his stomach and burning pain in his heart. He told himself that he did good, that it was right decision to make. But if he was trying to save them from heartbreak, he was doing terrible job.
Things didn’t get as awkward as Yoongi expected to be. Sure, there were some uncomfortable moments, unsure touches and glances, but nothing that would majorly disturb their everyday rhythm. Other members didn’t notice, thank god, and after a week, things seemed to go back to normal. Taehyung was joking around him, hugging him, telling compliments, and Suga would swear he imagined whole conversation with younger, but he noticed the slightest tint of sadness that appeared in his ever whenever they looked at each other a second too long.
Tae was aching, for sure, but he was really good at hiding it.
Way better than Yoongi.
“Grumpy again?” Hoseok asked, looking at him clouded expression when they both were eating breakfast.
“Just tired.” He mumbled, not looking you from his cup of coffee.
“You are always tired these days.” His friend noticed. “Everything ok?”
“That’s not very convincing, you know.” He said casually, looking at him friendly, ready to listen, ready to help.
Hoseok just chucked, but complied, not pressing anymore. Yoongi felt grateful to have such understanding friend.
Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin barged into kitchen, talking about game they’ve been playing recently. They looked way too awake and lively for Suga’s liking. He tried to act uninterested but couldn’t help himself and looked up to see Tae rummaging through cupboard with smile on his lips. He still had his bedhead, what looked contrasting with his fancy silk pyjamas. Yoongi stopped himself from checking boy out and laughed with everybody at something Jimin said. Tae finally found granola bars he was looking for and turned towards table, ripping plastic packaging. His eyes met Yoongi’s, and he smiled lightly. Older hesitated for a moment wishing for something to say, but his mind was blank, so he just pressed is lips together and reversed his gaze to his phone.
“Hurry up, guys!” Hoseok ordered, standing up from his place. “We have photoshoot today. Namjoon-hyung said car would be here in half an hour.”
Yoongi was never a big fan of photoshoots. They felt very unproductive, yet very tiring at the same time. He wasn’t camera shy, but he also wasn’t extremely confident in his looks. It always amazed him how make-up could change his face from tired and grumpy to vibrant and mysterious. He liked that. He liked cool clothes too. What he didn’t like was standing around for hours while there was song waiting to be finished in his studio.
This time they were doing photoshoot for some teen magazine. That meant more casual clothes, simple make-up and one set. Taehyung liked those photoshoots, because he liked working with different people. He loved their company staff, their crazy costume ideas and how they knew each member’s preferences but working with new photograph and stylists meant that he could ask questions, get different opinions, start interesting discussions. He liked fashion and photography and enjoyed meeting professionals who could teach him something new.
He just finished his bit and went to talk with hair stylist, who was currently fixing Jin’s fringe. He asked her some casual question and smiled when his hyung turned it into pun.
“Okay, next person is… Suga?” Photographer informed. “Suga, come forward, please.”
Yoongi quietly stood up from his seat and walked towards set, taking his place as photopaper explained him what pose they’d start with.
“He looks good.” Stylist signed. She probably didn’t mean to say it out loud, because as soon as words left her mouth, she blushed and tuned all her attention back to Jin’s hair. Boys exchanged amused looks, Jin’s eyes full of mischief. He would probably tease Yoongi-hyung later, Taehyung thought, glancing back in direction of set.
Suga did look good. He was wearing tight leather pants and washed-out flannel shirt. Few thin chockers were decorating his neck, complemented by silver earrings. His hair was more messy than usual, with a lot of texture, giving him that troublemaker look, supported by little bit of eyeliner around his eyes. He looked like a disguised bad boy, and Taehyung was there for it.
Photographer made Suga sit on a chair, with his legs wide, torso leaned forward, so front of his shirt was opening slightly, teasing with collarbones. He placed his elbows on his tights, hands turned inwards, and titled his head, looking into lenses as if he planned on fucking them tonight.
Something dropped next to Taehyung, making awful, metallic sound, and boy blinked rapidly, letting out breath he was apparently holding. He looked around nervously, but hair stylist left, and Jin was too preoccupied with his phone to notice his weird behaviour. Everyone else was either looking at set or busy minding their own business. Tae sighed, frustrated with himself. He had to control himself better. He couldn’t go around drooling over Yoongi. He couldn’t let his mind drift in all inappropriate places while he was around other people. He could fantasise about Yoongi and his exposed collarbones later, in private. He ignored fact, that he shouldn’t have fantasise about his friend in first place.
But then Yoongi started biting his lip for photos, and Taehyung had to supress a whine. It was so unfair, he thought. It was unfair, because he liked Yoongi and Yoongi liked him back, but either of them could act on it. It was unfair, because he wanted to kiss older boy senseless, but he couldn’t. And Suga, wearing this outfit and biting his lips, wasn’t helping him at all.
He didn’t tear is eyes from older boy for the whole time of photoshoot, feeling familiar bitterness in his heart. It was so unfair, he kept thinking, all he wanted was to make Yoongi happy. He would do such a great job. He deserved to at least get a chance. Get at least one kiss. But he couldn’t – it was against the rules. And Suga didn’t want to break the rules.
It was like a cartoon – angel and demon on his shoulders, trying to tell him what to do. And again – Kim Taehyung wasn’t a person to fight his feelings. He was weak, and a little bit selfish.
So when Suga’s solo photoshoot ended, and rapper went off to find toilet, Taehyung followed him without hesitation. He catch up to older in the hall, and grabbed his wrist. Yoongi looked at him surprised. His eyes complemented by eyeliner looked more intense than usual.
“Tae? What are you doing?”
“Come with me, hyung.”
“Somewhere private.” Yoongi send him scandalized look. “C’mon hyung. I’m not going to murder you.”
Suga seemed hesitant for a moment, but then looked back to see if anybody is around and followed him. They walked around, for a minute, before finding some storage room, full of photography equipment. Taehyung was determined, he pulled Yoongi inside and closed door behind them, flicking light switch. Even in awful, industrial lighting, rapper looked breath-taking.
“Are you sure you’re not going to murder me?” Suga chuckled nervously.
“No, I have other plan.”
“And it is…?”
Tae took step forward, and other boy immediately took step back. It hurt, it wasn’t fine, so he reached out and pulled older close, gripping at his shirt, not letting him move away.
“I deserve one kiss.” He whispered, mostly to himself, and watched Yoongi’s eyes widen.
“Taehyung, are you crazy? I told you we can’t-“ His words were cut away when younger pressed lips against his. Yoongi raised hands to push him away, but instead he put them on his shoulders and closed his eyes, not able to fight the kiss.
It was long, chase kiss, and Tae was fully satisfied with it as it was, so he pulled away, but Suga breathed out shakily, his fingers traveling higher, grabbing collar of younger’s shirt.
“We can’t-“ He mumbled, as if his brain was still in shock, still trying to finish previous sentence, but his body was separate entity, pulling Taehyung down for more.