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love is the fucking pits man

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Evelyn scowled as she downed her crystalline glass of whiskey, her grey eyes sweeping across the room. This party was terrible, filled with rich snobs and their hoity-toity couture. After sneaking a glance at her watch she cursed under her breath. It had been three hours since she arrived, and she was expected to stay for the duration of the event.


The din of glass clinking and soft laughter quieted down, a hush falling over the ballroom. Evelyn looked up from her drink and groaned when she saw the cause of the shocked silence.


Miranda Priestly had just waltzed in, wearing some probably extravagantly expensive, custom-designed ballgown, her signature silver hair falling in a curl over her forehead. She had a venomous smile plastered on her face, ice blue gaze cool and detached.


The short-haired woman’s heart plummeted when she saw who the editor had walked in with.


It was none other than Helen fucking Parr. Laughing and smiling like she had not a care in the world.


Evelyn wanted to throw her drink in Miranda’s face. That frigid bitch could do whatever she liked, and Evelyn wouldn’t give a fuck. But she wouldn’t tolerate Miranda talking to her. Her, out of the hundred people in this room. What was the world coming to?


The crowd parted quickly as Miranda glided across the floor, and as Evelyn stormed over to meet her. Soon Evelyn was inches away from the editor, glaring at her murderously as she was smothered in the overwhelming smell of Miranda’s stupid perfume.


“Evelyn,” Miranda greeted her loftily. “How wonderful to see you again, it’s been too long.”


The engineer nodded at her and diverted her attention to the auburn-haired woman, and nearly collapsed when she saw Miranda air-kiss the superhero’s cheeks.


The look on her face must have been pretty strange, as she heard a sweet voice ask, “Ev, you okay? What’s wrong, sweetie?” Wide, honey eyes blinked at her, and Evelyn felt like she was going to be sick. Miranda simply frowned at her.


“Excuse me for one second,” she choked out, before heading towards the bathroom. She heard Helen call out after her, but kept going.


As she lit a cigarette and leaned against the black marble walls of the bathroom, she heard a door creak open and heels clicking. Evelyn stiffened as a tall, brunette girl walked in, with brown eyes like a doe and a soft smile on her lips.


“Hey, you’re Evelyn Deavor, right?” Her smile widened, and Evelyn stared at her apprehensively.


“Yeah, I guess.”


“Oh cool! I knew I recognized you. I’m Andy Sachs, Miranda Priestly’s assistant.” The girl offered her hand for a handshake and Evelyn reluctantly shook it. “I’m so sorry, working for her must be hell.” The short-haired woman chuckled darkly.


Andy shrugged. “You get used to it. Besides, being her assistant can be stressful sometimes, but it’s the only way I can see her every day.”


Why would anyone want to see Miranda Priestly every day? Did this girl smack her head on the pavement or something? Whatever the case, she was baffled, and couldn’t help but ask bluntly, “Why?”


The brunette’s eyes widened. “Oh crap, I said too much.” She covered her mouth with her hands in horror. “Uh, Miranda and I are seeing each other.”


“I would think so since you guys work together.”


“No, I meant that she’s my girlfriend.”


Evelyn’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? Wow.” She eyed the girl up and down. Andy was tall, sincere, and charmingly awkward. Everything Miranda wasn’t.


“I know, it seems weird at first,” Andy laughed warmly, dimples forming in her cheeks. “I still can’t believe it myself sometimes.”


Evelyn wasn’t sure if she’d ever believe it. Miranda was what? Fifty? And this girl looked like some twenty-something bouncy college student. Nevermind the fact that they were both women, or that Miranda was technically Andy’s boss. Everything about their relationship screamed inappropriate, but the short-haired woman knew better than to say that.


The sound of a cell phone ringing snapped her thoughts back to the bathroom, and Andy fumbled to pick it up.


“Hey, Miranda!” Her face broke into a goofy grin that reminded Evelyn of a happy puppy. “Okay, I’ll be there right away.” She tucked her phone into her purse and beamed at Evelyn.


“Miranda wants me to join her, she said she’s talking to Elastigirl right now! I’m a really big fan of her, she’s so cool and has been my favorite hero since I was young,” Andy rambled excitedly. Evelyn forced a smile and nodded along as she talked, but her thoughts drifted to Helen and her heart painfully twinged. Goddamnit.


“Ack, sorry, I really have to go see Miranda now,” Andy sighed, glancing at her phone. Evelyn smiled lopsidedly at her. “I’ll go with you.”


“Oh Ev, there are you!” Helen called out, beckoning her with a gloved hand, a champagne fluke in the other. Evelyn felt a wave of relief rush over her when she saw that Miranda was nowhere near.


“Hey Elastigirl,” Evelyn said wryly. She had so much to say. She wanted to take Helen’s hands in hers, and kiss her for the rest of eternity. God.


“Andrea?” A  familiar husky voice interrupted her thoughts, and Evelyn growled in frustration. Couldn’t that damn lady leave her and Helen alone for just five seconds?


“Miranda, I’m so glad I found you!” Andy exclaimed. To Evelyn’s surprise, the white-haired woman’s lips quirked and she wrapped an arm around the brunette girl’s waist.


“Darling, whatever took you so long? I have been suffering here for an hour already.” She shot a disapproving look at Evelyn, eyes roaming over her outfit.


“And it seems like you brought a friend. We meet again, Evelyn. After you fled to the bathroom, I was extremely worried. Are you handling your alcohol better now?” Miranda batted her eyelashes at her, with a wolfish grin on her face.


“I mean, yeah. Considering I managed to survive a twenty-second long conversation with you without puking halfway through is pretty good,” Evelyn fired back, rolling her eyes.


“I beg to differ,” the editor drawled. “In fact, I’d say that’s the least impressive of your accomplishments.”


“And what have you accomplished, Miranda? Fucking someone young enough to be your daughter?”


Miranda stared at her, lips parting in surprise. Andy gaped, and there was a line forming between Helen’s eyebrows. Evelyn knew she had overstepped, but didn’t care. Time to tear the Ice Queen a new one.

“Or maybe, you’ve succeeded in having the crummiest love life? I mean, three divorces, and now you’re latching yourself onto this kid. Not to mention she’s your assistant,” Evelyn went on, her anger refusing to subside.


She didn’t care that the entire room had gone silent. Hell, she wouldn’t care if the world was ending.“Oh, I got it. Your biggest accomplishment is probably being a stuck-up, childish, cruel bitch. And you should-”


“That’s enough,” Helen interjected sharply, her eyes burning with fury. “Evelyn, what on earth are you doing? Why are you being so immature right now?”


“Because I feel like it,” she spat. “I fucking hate her, Helen! What are you not understanding? I’ve always hated her, and to top it all off, her lover is half her age. That’s so gross.”


“Stop that,” A commanding voice hissed. Miranda was glaring at Evelyn now, her lip curled in a snarl. “Miranda, calm down, she isn’t worth it,” Andy protested. The silver-haired woman schooled her features almost instantaneously, her face falling into a passive expression.


“I’ll have security escort you out,” she whispered, her voice flinty. Evelyn slowly turned away from her. “No, I can show myself out.” Once she had pushed through a couple people, she stormed out of the room, her hands shoved in her pockets and eyes glued to the floor.