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I'm Silly With It, Tripping With It

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One of NikBitch and Katsu’s fan favourites is the compilation video Yuuri has made of Victor petting and talking to every dog he meets. Hearing Victor coo over what a good boy or girl the dog is in a mashup of Russian, Japanese, French and English is adorable. But there are some scarier moments too. Like when he straight up runs into traffic to pet a dog on the other side of the road. Yuuri is actually filming for a different purpose at the time, wanting to document the first time he tries to do a shop in Russia without Victor directing him to the store, or helping him translate when there. Victor’s testing Yuuri on his Russian for groceries as they walk down the street, and then he just sort of… disappears. Only for the camera to find him moments later, sprinting across the street with Yuuri shrieking his name as a full on lorry comes hurtling towards him. Victor narrowly avoids being turned into a Russian splat and looks completely unphased as he pets a golden retriever, panting happily on a leash, held by a very startled looking woman.

 

It doesn’t matter what is happening at the time, Victor will drop everything to pet a dog.

 

His viewers find it hilarious, and then are thrilled when Victor uploads a video of Yuuri doing the exact same thing when he’s the one who spots the dog first.

 

There’s also a video of the two of them going to meet the breeder of some poodle puppies to adopt one. Makkachin’s getting old, and the couple have clearly decided that going straight to one dog will be painful for Vicchan as well as them.

 

Victor’s in his best sweater for puppy meeting. Yuuri rolls his eyes as the camera catches him driving and says that there’s a strong possibility it’s going to get chewed. Victor just says that he’ll take that risk to look his best for their potential new puppy.

 

When they arrive at the house of the breeder, Victor and Yuuri are immediately swarmed by little balls of fluff. They’re both rather overcome, sat on the floor as the puppies mob them.

 

“Oh my god,” Victor whispers, lying down so the puppies can climb all over him. “This is how I plan to go. Buried in puppies. I live here now.”

 

“Vitya,” Yuuri chuckles from behind the camera, but it’s a little wobbly sounding as apparently puppies make him cry. “You can’t live here. We have dogs at home.”

 

“True. We’ll just have to adopt all of them.”

 

“Vitya, no.”

 

“Vitya, yes.”

 

They end up adopting one puppy after all. A shy but playful little thing that’s the runt of the litter, and keeps on getting pushed out of the way by her brothers and sisters.

 

Victor scoops her up and coos at her, making her wriggle around in his hands and try to lick his face. He looks up at Yuuri, and they both say “this one” at the same time.

 


 

The puppy videos that follow Butterbean — Bean for short — coming home are also very cute. Makkachin and Vicchan are curious and patient with their new sister, even though she seems to enjoy climbing all over them and nibbling their ears.

 

She has a small mountain of toys and a diamante collar in pink.

 

Bean is too small to do the length of the walks Makkachin and Vicchan do, so she gets strapped to Victor’s chest like a baby and it’s all round ridiculous and cute.

 

There’s a very sweet video of Yuuri trying to teach her to roll over, but Bean just jumps up on her hind legs and puts her paws on the hand he’s been gesturing to her with. Yuuri’s face melts and he gives her a treat anyway.

 


 

Another compilation video by Victor is the ridiculous things Yuuri does when half asleep. He’s clearly not a morning person, and rises looking all soft and hazy in his t-shirt and boxers.

 

He’ll seek out Victor for a hug every time and clings. Then when Victor chivies him into sitting down for breakfast he’ll pour orange juice into his coffee instead of milk, and has dropped a croissant on the floor when Victor offered him a cup of tea to hold. Yuuri doesn’t even notice what he did, he just takes the tea and sips it, his hair and a mess and his eyes all squinty.

 

Yuuri retaliates to this with a compilation video of sleepy Victor. Victor has trained his body to be up between the hours of five am and ten pm, and simply can not be up past then. He’ll usually pass out no matter where they are. On the couch, at the table, at a party, once memorably, upright at a skating event, leant on Yuuri. It helps if Yuuri’s next to him, which is often, as though his presence is the only invitation Victor needs to drop off on his shoulder or lap.

 

The few times Victor has managed to stay up past ten pm lead to hilarious little clips.

 

“Does… does Makkachin know she’s a dog? Yuuri… Yuuri, does she know how much I love her?”

 

“Am I real? Wow… What if I only think I’m real? I feel very formless right now… more like a concept.”

 

“What if mermaids were the other way around? Fish head, human legs? Yuuri, Yuuri, what if they had fish heads?”

 

He also gets excessively affectionate. Victor is always affectionate, to the point that there’s a video compilation of Yuri Plisetsky throwing various objects at his head when he’s being gross with Yuuri around him. But when he’s tired this goes to silly levels. Yuuri only included it in the video because it’s supposed to be an accurate account of sleepy Victor… definitely not because he’s feeling just a little possessive of Victor when they share so much of themselves online.

 

Even though Victor is taller than Yuuri he will climb into Yuuri’s lap. There’s a clip of him squishing Yuuri’s cheeks together, letting out a soft gasp before whispering “you’re a marshmallow boy… sweet and squishy.” There’s also ones of him grabbing handfuls of various body parts belonging to Yuuri, mainly the butt though. There’s ones of him nuzzling into Yuuri’s neck and tripping over or bumping into various things when he’s too busy watching Yuuri. This last one actually happens when he’s fully awake too, it’s just more frequent after ten.

 

It’s disgustingly cute and their followers complain of cavities.

 


 

The prank wars are hilarious. Started by Phichit, it becomes an international challenge when they’re visiting each other.

 

Yuuri gets Phichit back for pushing him in the river by putting fake spiders in several locations around the apartment while Phichit’s staying. The Thai jumps about a foot in the air and screams every time, usually ending with him standing on the couch or the bed to get away or straight up bolting.

 

“They’re poisonous, Yuuri!” Phichit shrieks from where he’s half on top of the fridge when he uncovers a fake spider in the cutlery draw, and Yuuri has to lie down he’s laughing so hard. “I have every reason to get the fudge out of dodge. Curse you, you swine.”

 

Phichit does a relatively tame one in tying Yuuri’s skates together when they visit Victor at the rink. But this goes slightly awry when Yuuri properly faceplants and gives himself a split lip and a nosebleed. Phichit sprints away from the rink faster than the speed of light in fear of Victor’s wrath. The video ends when Phichit’s at home and the door slams open, Victor looking wild eyed and a furious. He rugby tackles Phichit to the floor and gives him a noogie for hurting Yuuri. This is filmed from two angles; the shaky, blurred one of Phichit’s, and from Yuri Plisetsky’s phone as he followed Victor home to see what he did. The teen is instantly added to the prank circle. This is a mistake as Yuri’s pranks have a slight risk of decapitation.

 

This last clip also leads to a video of Victor going to kiss Yuuri, only for Yuuri to say “ow” and touch a hand to his split lip, brow all furrowed and mouth in a cute little pout.

 

“Oh no, muffin!” Victor says, looking worried and instantly fussing over Yuuri. He then shoots a glare at the person holding the camera, who must be Phichit as it’s on his channel, and Victor’s eyes clearly say ‘you will suffer for taking Yuuri kisses from me.’

 

Yuuri puts cling film over the door to his and Victor’s bedroom and calls his name while filming from the sitting room. Victor, hurrying to see what Yuuri needs, runs straight into the cling film and shrieks in surprise, before getting into a fight with it. Yuuri, laughing hysterically, comes and rescues him.

 

Victor gets his revenge by replacing Yuuri’s tea with soapy water. Yuuri spits this out instantly, looking so disgusted and betrayed that Victor immediately hurries over and covers him in kisses, apologising profusely.

 

Chris’ pranks include predictable nudity. Like when he steals Victor’s towel and clothes from the rink showers. The video is blurred over the vital bits, but Victor gives zero fucks about nudity and simply wanders out into the main rink area and asks for a towel.

 

Yuri shrieks and threatens more decapitation attempts with very real results this time, then throws a skate at him which Victor narrowly dodges.

 

Then there are a series of jump scares which always make Victor shriek when Yuuri jumps out at him. Yuuri only blinks slowly when Victor tries to retaliate, and asks him what he wants for dinner.

 

“It’s because he’s dead inside,” Phichit whispers from where he’s filming on the couch.

 


 

“Shopping With NikBitch” is a new series on Victor’s channel, obviously started because he loves spoiling Yuuri and is the embodiment of “treat yo’self”.

 

“What is this monstrosity?” Victor asks the camera, holding up a hideous blue and orange beanie hat. “Yves Saint Laurent owe me damages for my scarred eyes. God, I bet my entire wine fridge Yuuri has picked it up, adorable fashion disaster that he is.”

 

Yuuri has indeed picked up the hat and looks confused when Victor whispers “garbage muffin strikes again”.

 

Victor then squawks at the sight of a sweater on a rack and calls it the sweater manifestation of a fedora, and steers Yuuri clear.

 

He does a fashion show, which includes a floor length gold sparkly dress with a split so far up the leg his comments consist of mainly screaming. The suit Victor comes out in next, trying it on after it’s been tailored, make the comments instantly switch to “Daddy”.

 

Yuuri does a guide to finding the best ingredients at the market, including food shopping on a budget, which is a favourite of college students everywhere. He does a vegan and vegetarian version too, along with what to get when you’re flush and want to treat yourself.

 

As with all things when it comes to the kitchen, Victor is generally a nuisance in these videos.

 


 

The Daddy comments return when Victor makes a log of his progress growing a beard. He can do it fairly quickly, unlike Yuuri, whose hair takes ages to grow.

 

Yuuri looks very flustered whenever he features in these videos. He’s very pink in the cheeks and, for reasons that have people cackling in the comments, around his mouth. The viewers ask if Yuuri has beard burn anywhere else. After one commenter makes a derogatory remark about the size of his thighs, Yuuri uploads a photo of him rubbing soothing lotion into the top insides of his thighs, which are very pink. Victuuri fans lose their collective shit.

 

Victor uploads a photo of him chugging from a water bottle captioned “absolutely parched #GodHasNotStoppedBlessingTheGaysYet”. Then another of him biting into a bun with one perfect brow raised suggestively, captioned “just love me some good sized buns to nibble on #ThickThighsSaveLives”.

 

Back at their apartment Yuuri buries his face into a couch cushion.

 


 

Phichit has uploaded a compilation video of Victor being a jealous bitch. The thing is, Yuuri’s very pretty, and soft, and there’s just something about him that makes people want to do things for him, and then hit on him afterwards. While Victor is of course drop dead gorgeous, he has a kind of iciness towards anyone who flirts with him, so Yuuri sort of doesn’t notice. But Yuuri’s far too polite to tell people to fuck off, and his self confidence tells him they can’t possibly be flirting with him anyway.

 

There’s one video of them in a bar, where Yuuri’s gone to get a round of drinks for everyone. Phichit spots Victor spotting the man that’s sidled up to Yuuri and started chatting while Yuuri waits to order. Phichit starts filming.

 

The man is tall with broad shoulders, looks kind of like the jocks that used to hit on Yuuri while they were at college together and are all called Chad to Phichit. This Chad leans one elbow on the bar while he hems Yuuri up against the wall the bar is next to. Yuuri’s shrinking by the moment, looking nervous and flustered, and if it wasn’t for the way Victor’s striding over there, Phichit would intervene himself.

 

Victor slips in beside Yuuri, winding an arm around his waist. Phichit edges closer so his phone can pick up what they’re saying.

 

“Hi,” Victor says. “Who’s your friend, Yuuri?”

 

“Oh, um,” Yuuri says, looking more at ease now that Victor’s there but still nervous. “This is, um, Mark?”

 

“Matt,” the guy corrects, but he’s still Chad to Phichit.

 

“Well hi, Matt,” Victor says, giving him a smile that should send Chad running in the other direction if he values his life.

 

Apparently Chad has no sense of self preservation though, and simply puffs out his chest.

 

“Hey buddy, we were in the middle of a conversation,” he stupidly, stupidly decides to say.

 

“Oh jeez,” Phichit can be heard murmuring.

 

Victor lets his eyes drag down Chad’s body from head to toe and then back up again, wearing a look of such utter contempt Phichit’s surprised Chad hasn’t disintegrated.

 

“I supremely doubt that any man wearing an outfit like that could be talking to my husband.”

 

The look on Chad’s face is utterly priceless and Phichit can be heard saying “oh my god” in the most gleeful voice while Yuuri goes wide eyed.

 

“V-Vitya!”

 

Yuuri’s protest is ignored as Victor starts to lead him away.

 

“Shall we dance, muffin?” he asks, to which Yuuri opens and closes his mouth, still in shock, until he just nods.

 

The dance that follows is just a little filthy, Victor’s hands possessively on Yuuri’s back and hips as they flow through what looks like a club suitable version of a tango. Chad can only gape.

 

The commenters all thank Phichit profusely for his valuable contribution.

 

The best clip is when Victor full on punches a man that’s got at least half a foot on him. The man’s massive, but he pinched Yuuri’s butt, making the Japanese man squeak and look incredibly embarrassed. They’re in another club, and Yuuri’s in a tiny pair of shorts, no doubt because Victor turned the puppy eyes on him rather than because he wanted to wear them in public.

 

It’s not a hundred percent clear Victor and Yuuri are together as they’re dancing in a group with Chris and Phichit and don’t want to leave them out. Phichit’s filming for his Instagram when the man pinches Yuuri’s butt.

 

Yuuri squeaks and flushes red, turning to look at the man with wide eyes. Then he frowns.

 

“That’s entirely inappro — Vitya!”

 

Victor has stepped over to the man and decked him solidly across the cheek. The man goes down like a tonne of bricks, because even though he’s bigger, Victor was a professional athlete who still does ice shows and works out every day. He’s fucking ripped and the guy is toast.

 

The bouncers hurry over only to have Yuuri step between them and Victor with his hands raised.

 

“He’s my husband!” he explains, wearing that ‘I’m beautiful and sad, please help’ look that gets him whatever he wants. “That guy pinched my butt, you should throw him out so he doesn’t do it to anyone else, yes?”

 

The bouncers blink, looking confused, still eyeing Victor, who loops an arm around Yuuri’s waist and nuzzles his nose into Yuuri’s neck. They nod after a moment and hoist the guy up, who looks a little groggy.

 

Yuuri turns and proceeds to make out with Victor so passionately that it’s clear he has a serious possessive kink. They resurface after a little while, Victor looking thoroughly disheveled and immensely pleased about it.

 

“We’re going home,” Yuuri says, and presses a twenty into Phichit’s hand. “Buy some drinks on me, see you in the morning.”

 

Then he’s pulling Victor out by the hand, the Russian looking absolutely delighted.

 

It’s not that Yuuri’s not possessive, he’s just more subtle about it. Whenever someone online makes a jibe about him, or when Victor’s fans get a bit too avid, Yuuri uploads a photo with a certain… theme.

 

There’s the one with the thigh lotion of course, but there’s also the one he posts in a top that has a slash neck showing his collarbones. Which are littered with hickeys.

 

“Love the weekend!” the caption says, bright and innocent, though Yuuri’s eyes sparkle with mischief in the photo.

 

There’s another of Victor tangled in bedding, fast asleep. His bare shoulders are visible and what looks like rope marks crisscross over his skin.

 

“Worn out! Poor baby” the caption says with a little kiss emoji.

 

His fans go mad, wild theories about the couple’s kinky sex life are rife in the forums and dedicated blogs.

 

Neither Victor nor Yuuri comment until Victor posts a picture of himself doing a flawless split in their bedroom. In the background a pair of cuffs are just visible on the floor next to the bed.

 

“Morning workout! Need to stay flexible #ILoveMyLife” is the text below this incriminating image. Victor’s winking in the photo and it’s clear that it’s a confirmation that the pair are as kinky as the Internet suspects.

 

No one is surprised that Yuuri’s the dom in the bedroom, Victor is such a service sub in general when it comes to Yuuri that it’s perfectly obvious. But to have it confirmed causes a bit of a meltdown among their fans.

 

Chris and Phichit congratulate them via text.

 

And life in the Katsuki-Nikiforov household is very, very good.