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a symphony of tragedy

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Root had to say that the most annoying thing about dying was having to watch the people that you loved struggle without you. This annoying thing was most strong when she could see Sameen. The carousel went round and round and round and it didn’t stop. Sameen sat still on the carousel as it spun around. It was starting to scare her, how oddly still she was. Her grey hoodie was pulled over her head and she was staring off into the distance blankly. She could hear this oddly loud static coming from Sameen’s thoughts. They weren’t really thoughts, Root guessed, but something in between processing and being in denial.

“You shouldn’t mourn me.” Root said. “It’s sweet, but you shouldn’t mourn me.”

“She can’t hear you.” Root turned to see Carter standing next to her. “Not right now.”

“You know I never believed in the afterlife, I’m not sure how I feel about it now that I know that it’s real.” Carter nodded, staying silent as they watch Shaw walk over to a camera. “She’s being reckless. She shouldn’t do that.”

“You meant a lot to her.” Carter told her. Root didn’t want to talk about that.

“You meant a lot to John,” Root replied.

“I know.” Sameen left and the two of them stayed in the park.

“Is there any time that they can hear us?” Root asked her. “Some time when I can talk to her. I need to talk to her.” Carter smiled a sad smile and Root wished that she had gotten to know this woman better when the both of them were alive.

“Yeah, there’s one time.”

“When,”

“When times are desperate, and they’re about to die. We make them stronger. We help them live longer. And some other times. When they’re depressed, when they’re about to give up. That’s when you can talk to her.” Root held onto that as she walked throughout scene after scene. John dying. Harold living, finding his love again, and Fusco and Shaw meeting. Sameen looked good, and Root wished that she could be there. She wished that she could be there and flirt with her and watch Shaw squirm a little, not admitting that she loved it.

When Root got to talk to Shaw again, Shaw was taking numbers, this was a down night and she was in her room. Something happened and Root wasn’t sure what, but Sameen blinked as she looked down at Bear, and then took a sip of a warm beer that she had. “You’re still here, aren’t you?” Root froze when she heard that. John was next to her.

“Yeah,” Root said, “always here.” She wasn’t sure if she heard that, but she hoped she did. “You’re doing so well. I knew you would do just fine without me.”

She was silent for a while, and Root looked to John. He shrugged. “Just because I’m doing fine doesn’t mean that I don’t wish you were here.” Something in Root’s heart broke when she heard that. “I know that you annoyed the everloving hell out of me and I know that I acted like I didn’t like it when you flirted.” She was a little bit drunk. “I was lying when I pretended I didn’t like it. Even though your flirting was god awful sometimes.” Root laughed at that.

“I love you,” Root said. She didn’t want an answer back. She didn’t need an answer back. She knew the answer already. “I want you to know that.”