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Dear Dean

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Dear Dean,

I am not mad at you. I’m disappointed

You can’t tell me in one breath that you’re bad for me and in the next that you miss me. It messes with my head. You say you’re in love with me yet when I asked you to join me you say I’m too young to understand why it would never work. The hell I am. If I’m old enough to take down a rougarou at 14, I’m old enough to know who I love at 18. You’re the one I want. The one I’ve always wanted. I tried to tell you that but you wouldn’t listen.

So yeah, I left without saying goodbye. You were so freaked out by the situation with Dad that you barely noticed me packing my stuff. Why would I add to that with some drawn out scene at the bus stop? Our lives have enough drama. And yeah, I was pissed but NOT about the stuff Dad said. I knew what you were a long time ago and I don’t care. I didn’t go to the funeral because I’m glad he’s dead. He treated you like garbage. He can rot in hell.

I haven’t called because

I miss your voice but I just can’t

I know you want me to call, and I will. I just need some time to get myself sorted. I've wanted to go to college ever since that summer at Bobby's when he showed me that book smarts are just as important to hunters as weapons training. But knowing how you feel changes everything. I want this...wanted this...but not without you.

We could be so good together here. If you just give us a chance.

I don't get why you pushed me away when I tried to kiss you. I know you wanted it. I know you want me. I didn’t do it because I felt “obligated” or whatever bullshit you’re feeling guilty over. I won’t apologize for wanting you and I won’t let you think it’s your fault. I’m in love with you. It is what it is. I wouldn’t change it if I could.

I want you here. End of story. I don’t want a long-distance relationship, or to “find someone better” for me. You need to be here. When you’re ready to let yourself have what you want, knock on the door the next time you come to see how I’m doing. (Yes - I know you’ve been here. The Impala isn’t exactly discreet.)

I love you. Come for me. We can burn the world down together.


PS Don’t worry about Ellen and Bobby. They may suspect something but they’d never do anything about it. As for the police, we'll run if we have to. I’ve got your back, always.