Josh loves watching movies. Well, no he doesn’t, but he loves watching them with Tyler.
It’s normally Tyler and Jenna’s thing, watching movies. After the show and showers they pile into the big bed at the back of the bus and that’s where they stay. Holed up and binging on who-knows-what, almost always falling asleep before the credits.
Sometimes Josh is invited, and that’s okay. It’s a nice gesture, and he appreciates the inclusion. He perches on the bench at the side of the room, knees to chest, and tries to pay attention, but mostly just watches his phone. He doesn’t have anything against movies, really, they just never hold his attention. He’ll look at the screen, look at his phone, look at Tyler, look at Tyler. Mind never slowing long enough to absorb enough dialogue to follow the plot.
And really it’s hard not to look at Tyler from Josh’s vantage point. He practically has to look over top of the pair on the bed to see the screen mounted on the opposite wall. He might not like movies, but Tyler does, and there is something endearing about the way he becomes entranced, his reactions playing unfiltered across his face. Can Josh really help if he gets distracted?
It’s safer to read twitter, so that’s what he does when he’s invited to watch movies. He reads twitter and hugs his knees and takes cues from the other two on when to react.
Tonight they’re a few hours into one of the Lord of the Rings movies, all attempts at small talk long abandoned. Jenna is extra cuddly with Tyler and Josh is working his way through the trending page, stifling a yawn. He’d forgotten how long these movies were. Normally he’d be back in his bunk already, but it’s Jenna’s last night on the road for a while and she’d made a big deal about him hanging with them, so he’s putting in extra time.
He’s entertaining thoughts of retiring to his bunk when Tyler’s head thumps against the wall. Josh’s eyes snap up. Tyler’s eyes are closed, legs bent in front of him, and Jenna’s pressed against his side under their blanket, only her messy bun visible above the mass of fluffy white. It’s how they’d been laying, except now there is no movie watching happening. Now Tyler’s eyes are closed and his head is tilted upwards leaving his whole neck exposed, his face relaxed into the most awed expression Josh has ever seen.
Josh swallows hard, transfixed by the line of Tyler’s jaw. He wonders what it would feel like to bite, how the stubble would feel against his lips. He takes a deep breath and lets his eyes travel down, following the line of Tyler’s neck past where his Adam’s apple is working. He imagines the way that skin would taste under his tongue, the sounds he’d earn from his teeth scraping the flesh. His eyes continue down along the line of Tyler’s body to his lap where, oh fuck. Josh’s cock jumps.
There’s movement. It's only a hint of movement, but it's right there. You wouldn’t be able to tell unless you were paying attention, but Josh is. He wasn’t before but now he couldn’t look away if he fucking tried. He should definitely look away. What is he doing?
What are they doing? One hundred percent Jenna’s hand is on Tyler’s cock, arm movement barely visible between the fluffy blankets and bent knees, and holy shit. He didn't think she had it in her. Wholesome, happy Jenna with the big eyes and the church family. I mean obviously they do these kinds of things, but not in front of him.
But they are. She is. And she must be doing a bang up job by the look on Tyler's face. His eyes are squeezed together, pink lips parted around quick breaths, and Josh watches in slow motion as Tyler draws his bottom lip between his teeth. Fuck, those lips. So good. He looks so good biting his lip like that, and somehow even better when they’re parting again, wetter, redder than before.
Josh is captivated. He’s spent so many nights thinking about that mouth, how it would feel against his own. So many nights picturing those lips stretched around him as he brought himself over the edge. Josh is a terrible friend. He should go. He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. Looks at the screen, back at them, feels around for his phone. He's going to go, straightens his legs to stand. Tyler's hips jerk and Josh's heart leaps into his throat. Shit.
Nope. He's not going anywhere. Not right now. Right now he's going to sit right the fuck here and definitely-not-watch his best friend get a handy from his wife. They're still silent, barely moving, even, but Josh's body is hyper aware of every shift. Every sigh wired right to his cock.
But he's not watching them. Nope. Not pressing a palm into his own lap, suppressing a whine from the contact. Not daring to move it in time with Jenna. Tyler's mouth opens again, head tilting higher in a silent plea and oh god he looks perfect. Cheeks pink, mouth open, completely blissed out. Josh bites his own lip and presses harder, thinking about how pretty the tip of his cock would look rubbing along those lips.
He should go, he should go, heshouldgo. He shouldn’t be doing this -- doesn't do this. Doesn't stare like this. Doesn't think these thoughts. Especially not with Tyler right in front of him. He tries not to think them at all. Tyler is straight. Tyler is married. Tyler is his best friend and these are definitely not best-friendly thoughts. But sometimes he can’t help it.
Sometimes, when Josh is desperate enough to hope for the impossible, he does think about Tyler. But that’s different, he tells himself. It’s not real. He wouldn’t entertain thoughts of actual real-life Tyler. Tyler with Jenna’s hand wrapped around his cock, mouthing silent prayers towards the sky. Josh shifts so he can grab himself fully through his sweats. He squeezes, breath hissing. It feels so good he does it again, and again and fuck this is so wrong.
He wouldn't put their friendship in jeopardy like this. He wouldn't.
No. Josh is watching a movie. He loves watching movies. He thinks this might be his favorite movie ever. Thinks Jenna might be his favorite person ever for inviting him, and most especially for the sighs she’s drawing from Tyler. Josh’s hand is moving in earnest with the sound of the other man’s breathing now, not even pretending to look away. Tyler’s face tightens, breath hitches, and Josh's hips flex up before he can stop it.
Fuck. Stay still, staystill. Josh isn't breathing, doesn't think he can. He almost whimpers from the look on Tyler’s face. He's close. Josh wants to remember this look forever. Can feel the warmth spreading through his own thighs as he watches Tyler's expression change. Tyler's not breathing either, his mouth opening wide as his back begins an arch, and when he finally does suck in a shaky breath Josh feels it consume him like fire. Want.
He feels it everywhere, licking at his core, clouding his vision.
In this moment he wants Tyler more than he’s ever wanted anything, and oh god he's an idiot. He is so fucking stupid. He’s got to go. He’s standing up, can barely think straight. Doesn’t matter. He’s on autopilot, grabbing blindly for his phone and taking one, two strides through the door, not daring to breathe until it's shut behind him. Then he’s gasping, sucking in huge gulps of air like he can’t get enough.
What the fuck, Josh? What the actual fuck? Get yourself together. Breathe. Walk.
He’s walking. Walking back to his bunk. Sliding in. Pulling the curtains closed and letting the darkness envelop him with a sigh. This is better. This is good. He can breathe here. No more movies or moving hands or mouthing prayers. Just the sound of his breathing and the sanctity of darkness.
He'll never be able to look Tyler in the eyes again. And Jenna! Freaking Jenna just going for it like Josh wasn’t sitting right there the whole time! And, sure, he could have left. Cracked a joke about them getting their own room like a normal person, but.. Well it’s kind of her fault, really, because if Tyler wasn’t making that face…
Josh squeezes his eyes shut, trying to undo what he just did because wow. That was wow. He is a terrible person, but that’s the single best thing that’s happened to him this entire year.
He is so fucked.
His heart is pounding, blood thrumming in his ears, moving under his skin like a current. Want. It's palpable. He can taste it on his tongue, feel it pooling beneath his navel. Want and guilt and Tyler fucking Joseph. Josh’s hands are moving by themselves again, shoving pants down hips and wrapping tightly around warm flesh, unhindered by fabric for the first time that night.
He resists the urge to moan, to move faster. Instead putting all of his focus into breathing slow and steady breaths. Pushing and squeezing and replaying every detail behind his eyelids. The flush of Tyler’s cheeks. His wet lips and gasps and the way his hips jerked up. A low whine comes from somewhere deep in Josh’s chest and he can’t stop it this time. He sounds completely wrecked, and something about the sound snaps whatever modicum of control he had.
Yeah, it’s wrong, but he doesn’t fucking care. Not one bit. He’s going under and it feels amazing, slipping into his imagination, movements a blur. There is lotion in his palm now and he’s full on thrusting, panting, whining, he doesn’t know. All he knows is that every thought of Tyler washes over him like a wave of exhilaration and he is drowning, gasping for air, face barely above water. And maybe he doesn’t want to breathe? Maybe all he wants is to chase this feeling until it’s everywhere. Until there is nothing else but the burn in his thighs and the taste of Tyler on his lips and fuck.
He’s gone, tipping over the edge.
Barely registers that he’s said it out loud, barely registers anything at all over the whir of blood in his ears and thoughts of Tyler thrusting into his mouth. Oh god he wants that. He shouldn’t, but he does and this feeling is everything, everywhere at once. He doesn’t know which way is up. Doesn’t want to.
Josh lays there forever, maybe. All heavy limbs and deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. His mind is numb. It’s nice to pretend that everything is okay. That he didn’t cross a line tonight. That he doesn’t want Tyler like he does. That he’s not a terrible friend. He’s determined to lay there and pretend for as long as he can because tomorrow?
Tomorrow scares the shit out of him.