Work Header

Grandma Minnie-Fuangs Story

Work Text:

"Be good for grandma will you Vriska." Vriska's mother called, shutting the door quickly behind her as if she was eager to leave her daughter for the night. Her grandma's house was almost as messy as Vriska's own bedroom, nick-nacks and 'treasures' covering every inch of space that wasn't occupied by old bottles and books. Vriska approached a particular replica of a ship that looked older than herself.
"Don't you DARE touch that." She hissed, not even looking away from the television at Vriska, who had an arm outstretched towards the model of the ship.

"But graaaaaaaaandmaaaaaaaa," Vriska wined. "I forgot how cooooooooooooooool it looked."

"Quit your wining. That isn't a toy, it's a replica of my old ship before it was burned to the ground." She uttered grimly.

"Water." Vriska said simply.


"Water, it burned to the water. It's a ship."

"You're annoying."

"You're old and boring-and I really really really really want to play with the boat!"

"It's not a toy!" Vriska's grandma once again barked, grabbing the ship and clutching it close to her before Vriska could take it, caressing the side like one would like a pet. "I was once the captain of this ship, and this is all I have left of it."

"Wait a minute, you were a captain-LIKE A PIRATE?" Vriska's grandma was taken aback at Vriska's enthusiasm.

"Yeah...just like a pirate." Vriska sat down on the floor, clearly expecting a story. She sighed and turned to Vriska, turning the television off. "I snuck into the army when I was 18, my dad was a general so it was easy to work my way up the ranks, despite being a girl and all."

"So when did you become a pirate grandma!" Vriska asked, still eyeing up the ship.

"Call me by my name, Minnie-Fuang. Calling me grandma makes me feel old." Vriska snorted. "What?"

"Your name is MINNIE-FUANG? Like Minnie mouse!?"

"Shut up and let me get on with the story!" Minnie-Fuang snapped, making Vriska be quiet and listen closer. "Everything was going great at that point: I worked my way up the a Captain of my own fleet, taking care of anyone who disagreed with me or thought I wasn't strong enough."
"But than I met HIM." Minnie-Fuang snarled, clenching her remaining fist.

"'HIM'?" Vriska asked, cocking her head.

"HIM." She pointed to a finger to a smashed picture of a handsome man with two scars on his face. The picture was black and white and had gone through an innumerable amount of damage, poorly taped up and thick with grime and...lipstick marks. "I could've torn his throat out with my teeth, but I'll be damned if he wasn't a hell of a lover."

"Ew, gross!"

"...For a while. After time he got...boring and soft. And then he did something that I could NEVER forgive him for." Vriska's eyes widened in excitement "A short while beforehand I had rescued a war prisoner from one of his ships. She was a GORGEOUS woman, and had obviously seen some things, and eventually I ended up making her a permanent 'passenger on my ship'." She took out a locket and inside was a picture of a woman with a petite face and black hair, next to her a woman wearing opaque glasses that hid her eyes, and a toothy grin.

"What does that have to do with 'him', and who is the other woman."

"He shot her, point blank on my ship."


"I suppose he was trying to rekindle our old flame, but in the end I killed him for killing the woman I loved."

"Then what happened gra-Minnie."

"The end of all that terrible business." Minnie-Fuang poured herself a shot from one of the many bottles in her home "Then I was hunted by a particular fighter pilot. Her plane was like a dragon, with fire-like breath and great wings that followed me where ever I went. That pilot killed my entire fleet, and captured me. My eye ha to be removed and my arm amputated due to infection from shrapnel, and I was set to executed the very next day."

"What happened? Did someone free you?"

"Of course not, foolish girl! Never rely on anyone who isn't yourself. I escaped the moment I was to be hanged. I hid a knife under my boot and used it to cut the rope, and cut the executioner." She said, smiling "I had to lay low for a while and got a prosthetic from a guy who owed me a favour, he was an exile too."

"What'd he do?"

"Some unimportant boring thing that has nothing to do with anyone." Vriska sat disgruntled with the answer "After getting his help, I used whatever I could to find the pilot that took my arm. It was easier than I thought actually. She was a famed lawyers secretary who won many important cases that usually involved execution. She could tilt the hands of justice to fit her every whim."

"What was her name?"

"Ruby." Minnie-Fuang growled, clutching her locket "I hated her in the same way I hated HIM in the beginning, so when I found her we..." She looked down at Vriska, who stared at her with innocent, eager eyes. "Ate together and had a very pleasant and family friendly time. Until I killed her. After that it gets boring. I settled down, had some kids and started a family."

"Have you got any stories from when you were a pirate?" Vriska asked.

"I wrote everything down in a diary that never left me. You can have it one day, when you're old enough to understand the content."

"Can we play pirates?"

"Eh, sure, why not?"