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Frocking up for the occasion

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It was bad enough when Ianto had been accidentally transformed into a woman. This time round it was Jack. And of course, being that it was Jack, he was making the most of it.

His plan was to seduce the guy they'd been following, who had the device that had caused it in the first place, and to snatch it back.

That was the reason the three of them were now in Madeleine Delaney's fine couture dress shop, sipping the proffered glasses of champagne, and waiting for Jack to decide on an outfit. Surprisingly, the shop assistants didn't look twice at any of them, having already earmarked Gwen and Ianto as best friend and gay best friend to the luminous being that had swanned in through their doors two hours ago.

Jack was taking his good sweet time, and the second glass of champagne had gone to Gwen's head a bit as she conversed with Ianto in hushed tones.

'Okay, so I admit that the last time this happened, I actually was quite jealous of you.'


'I mean the hair, the legs, you were very attractive. But this, I mean, no offence, but Jack's on a whole other level. Don't tell him I said this, but even I'd shag that.'

Ianto nearly choked on his champagne. 'Trust me, it's not something I want to ever do again. But you're right, he is rather good looking.'

Good looking was understatement. He made Jennifer Hawkins look like a tramp.

Their conversation was interrupted by Jack's feminine voice floating loudly over the change room door at the shop assistant, telling her that the turquoise one was not working for him.

'I think it's affected his brain,' Ianto confessed. 'I don't think the words cornflower, vermillion and magenta existed in his vocabulary before this.'

'And has he, you know, him and you?'

'No, but not for want of trying. Jack doesn't find anything weird, so for him it's business as usual. I've put him off so far, but another glass of this and I don't think I'll be able to hold out any longer.'

Gwen smiled amusedly. Clearly the alcohol was affecting him too. It must be part of a cunning ploy by the shop so that everyone is so happy and relaxed they'll buy regardless of the price tag. She'd almost convinced herself, eyeing off one particular gown, to say it's £800 but it's fabulous Gwen, just treat yourself.

Eventually, Jack seemed to settle on a decision, removing himself from the change rooms, decked out in a floor length gown in a very deep shade of blue, with just a touch of sparkling crystal beading, and a split that ran almost all the way up his very shapely leg.

'What do you think?' he asked them.

'It's lovely,' replied Gwen.

'What happened to the red?' Ianto asked.

'I thought you liked the blue?' Jack asked, concerned.

'I thought you liked the red,' he replied.

'I thought about going red, but it made me look too much like a hooker.'

'Well, blue is your colour,' Ianto admitted.

'And no one carries off red quite like you do.'

'Okay,' Gwen interrupted, the giggly effects of the champagne quickly wearing off. 'Can you both stop undressing one another with your eyes and just buy the damn thing?'

Gwen began moving towards the counter, indicating to the shop assistant that they'd made a decison.

Jack turned to Ianto before heading back to the change rooms and whispered in his ear. 'Don't worry, you can undress me properly later.'