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Take Two

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JShepard has added 12 people to the groupchat 

JShepard has renamed the chat to 'guess who lived, bitches'


JVega: Things that happened today that I still cannot belive:

Shepard noping the fuck out of dodge with the illusive man and Anderson and they're all fine more or less

The reapers are dead and Shepard won't tell us what happened

my otp is Canon now


Tali: please stop referring to Kal'Reegar and I as your otp 


JShepard: Well you know that old human saying, if you can't beat them join them.

Which i first heard in a game about pinatas, go figure


Tali: You joined the Reapers?


JShepard: i was talking about our current Illusive resident actually, but whatever floats your boat im still not telling what happened out there with the reapers

So uhhh since im not really feeling like going back to the citadel, anyone got any places they've always wanted to go see???


LT'soni: Earth was on my list but you know...I think I'll pass on that one.


JShepard: wise decision. probably have to go back to omega, i told aria id get it back for her uhh no offense mr illusive sir but uhh

actually u know what? im clearing the air right now. Anyone who has a problem with the illusive man being on our ship can come throw hands with me because rn im not having it

you didn't go through that indoctrination shit, and whether he had a problem before that or not is the last thing on my mind right now because humanity is sort of down some good people and I need to get things done

Got it? Im incredibly incapacitated but still in charge.


JVega: yas maam

but also how many pain meds are you on??

out of pure curiosity


JShepard: exactly 1/3rd.

And while that sounds like a very drugged out reapone, I gave a lot of medical supplies to the citadel and I have to share with Anderson and Mr. His Lordship Illusive Man. So not enough.

Im actually gonna try to sleep this off


GVakarian: And that's my cue to leave and go up there, isn't it?


JShepard: yup get up here and lay on top of me in a non-sexual way honey 

But not on my leg because that thing fucking hurts 

But more like a weighted turian blanket


Tali: What am I witnessing right now? 

I don't like it.

I don't like this, it's making me very uncomfortable.


LT'soni: I don't know, I think it's sort of cute. Besides, you can't tell me that you don't want to start living it up now that the Reapers are gone.


Tali: depends what you mean by living it up. Do I want to follow shepards example? Not really. I would like to go home and build a house in my land though.


JVega: and when its done throw a housewarming party! 

and I can bring you a potted plant or smth 


Tali: why would a party make my house warm?

Is that a human thing or a Vega thing?


L'Tsoni: I believe that's actually a human thing, with the less than literal naming conventions. Perhaps you should try it.


Tali: I think I'll sit this one out. But you sure can try it, if you ever decide to settle down


LT'Soni: Right now it's more of a problem of where. Although the Reapers miraculously dissapeared, most planets are still burning, both literally and figuratively

Maybe I'll go back home to Thessia and help rebuild there.


JVega: man, I bet that place was NICE before the reapers 


LT'soni: It was lovely. One of the most beautiful planets that I've ever seen.

Uh, Joker? What was that?


JMoreau: no need for alarm, but I think we might be crashing into a planet. 

I literally cannot see though through the amount of error screens she's giving me so uhh

I'm gonna stop texting and flying now

and hope we don't crash.


LT'soni: Oh goddess, haven't we been through enough today?


JVega: the answer is always no, in case you havent noticed.