Everyday starts the same. I wake up in a boring grey room with nothing on the walls and sing quietly to myself until it’s time for breakfast, then free time, then therapy, then free time, then lunch. You get the point. My days are not worth living but i can’t do anything because i'm stuck inside these walls of Dema institute. A place for the insane and suicidal. Pretty much describes me.
It’s all Zack’s fault, if he existed it would be his fault. But i still blame him because if i blame myself for anything else i won't have any reason to be mad, which is the only emotion i have left besides depressed. I'm just holding onto what ever i need to survive however long i'll be in this place.
Today is somber in the house i would describe it as a muddy tan color. Not happy or sad but numb. Not a color that many people associate with anything in particular.
My mom had been sick for a while and was now in hospice at the house. Not allowed to leave her bed. It was okay though, my father was right by her side and my brother Zack was right by my side helping me through Mom’s funeral and even tucking me in at night just like she used to do. Our Father was always too drunk to do anything, and even when he was sober he ignored us completely.
I soon became depressed but it wasn’t too bad since Zack always had my back. We would run around the neighborhood causing trouble and stay up late at night talking about life and all the new songs i had written. He liked it when i rapped fast.
I was interrupted from my thoughts when the nurse Brendon walked in to remind me that i had therapy in 2 minutes. I nodded to signal that i understood. I was sitting in my room which is what i always do during free time. Brendon always understood, that’s why i liked him, not enough to actually talk to him though. The little energy i have shouldn't be wasted to talking to a bunch of people who had no idea how i feel. Speaking of which time for therapy, or sitting in a room while this nosy lady tries to understand me and force me to talk. I hate it.
I walked in and took a seat as she began talking. I never bothered to remember her name because it is unimportant to me, just like everything else.
“Good morning Tyler. How are you doing?”
My day was Shitty and uneventful as usual but she doesn’t need to know
“Quiet as usual i see”
“ Tyler if you ever want to leave this institute you have to give me something to work with”
“ Fine i don’t have time for this nonsense. Just go back to your room”
She sighed heavily as i scooted my chair back from the table and silently went back to my empty room. As i walked by the main area where everyone was playing games or just talking i heard someone mention that the pyschologist had put in her two weeks notice because she didn’t feel like her skilled were being used here.
It was probably because of me. Anyone who tries to get close to me eventually disappears just like Mom, Dad, and Zack.
I layed down after dinner and sang myself to sleep.
“I can't believe how much I hate
Pressures of a new place roll my way
Jumpsuit, jumpsuit, cover me
Jumpsuit, jumpsuit, cover me
I'll be right there
But you'll have to grab my throat and lift me in the air
If you need anyone, I'll stop my plans
But you'll have to tie me down and then break both my hands
If you need anyone
I'll be right there”