BEAST BOY VS MR MXYZPTLK
Since the Titans spent most of their weeks fighting evil, it did get exhausting, and they really needed a vacation. Bruce Wayne suggested to them a week in Metropolis. The Titans agreed and Bruce booked a very good 5 star hotel for them.
Beast Boy however did not want to go. He was tired of leaving Titans Tower all the time and just wanted to stay.
“I agree with Beast Boy,” Raven told the Titans. “Also, a week without him would be a blessing.”
“You’re going to be all by yourself,” Starfire told Beast Boy.
“I know,” Beast Boy replied with a smile.
“Just don’t wreck anything,” Cyborg told him.
“I won’t,” said Beast Boy.
“And don’t go into my room,” warned Raven with her eyes glowing red.
“Dude, after that mirror thing, no way!” replied Beast Boy.
So the next day, the other Titans had their suitcases packed and ready to leave.
“If you have any problems, call Titans East,” Robin told Beast Boy.
“Okay,” replied Beast Boy. “Have fun, you guys. If you see Lois and Clark, tell them I said hi.”
So the Titans left on the T-Ship.
Beast Boy was now alone.
“YIPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” he cried as he leapt for joy. “I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
So, Beast Boy had the building all to himself. He did activities such as; running around naked, played all of Cyborg’s video games and even beat his high score, ate most of the food (except for the meat, of course), played with Robin’s gadgets and dressed in one of his suits (but he did tear the shirt a little bit, and had to take it off), danced to loud rock music and even ordered a huge Vegan chinese dinner and drank most of Raven’s booze.
They won’t be back in a week, I’ll buy some more before they get back , he thought.
He had such a great day, but he woke up with a terrible hangover the next morning.
That day, he did the same stuff as before, but it just wasn’t as fun, and he was feeling lonely.
I’ll give Titans East a call and see if they wanna hang out, he thought. But as for now, I fancy myself some Olivia.
That afternoon, naked Beast Boy sat on the sofa as he watched the movie “Third Person”. There’s a sexy scene where Olivia Wilde runs around the hotel naked. Beast Boy paused at a very sexy shot of her running down the stairs.
He also had a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues at the ready.
The aroused Beast Boy was about to get down to business, until…..
There was a knock on the door.
“GRRR!!” he growled, as he put his robe on. “Just a minute, I’m coming! Well, I was about to…..”
He stomped over to the door and opened it, and his jaw dropped open.
Standing in front of him was none other Olivia Wilde!
Beast Boy couldn’t believe it. He rubbed his eyes and looked at her. Yep, it was the real Olivia Wilde wearing a very tight, small, sexy black dress and high heels.
She walked up to Beast Boy and placed her hands on his head. She then brought his head toward her and had her lips puckered.
Beast Boy couldn’t believe it. This was the greatest day of his life!
That was until Olivia kneed him right in the balls.
“OW!” cried Beast Boy as he held himself in pain.
Then Olivia grabbed him and chucked him across the living room and he landed on the floor.
“Hey, what the?”
Olivia then began to laugh. Then, she began to turn into someone else.
She began to transform into a man with black spikey hair and was wearing a long sleeved blue, buttoned shirt and black trousers.
“Mate, you should’ve the look on your face!” said the man in a strong Northern Irish accent.
“Who the hell are you?” asked Beast Boy.
“My name is Mr Mxyzptlk,” said the man as he snapped his fingers and a card appeared in Beast Boy’s hand.
The card said “MR MXYZPTLK (pronounced ‘Mix-yes-pit-lick’)”.
“People also call me ‘Mxy’,” said the man.
“What do you want?” asked Beast Boy.
“Me and me mates are imps from the Fifth Dimension,” explained Mxyzptlk. “We love using our magic to play pranks and wind everyone up. Anyways, we’ve been caught and sent to the Fifth Dimension prison. But my girlfriend busted us out and now we’ve arrived here for a bit of fun and other shite.”
Mxyzptlk snapped his fingers again. And about 50 men and women suddenly appeared. The man were also dressed in long sleeved shirts in different colours and the women were in dresses.
Everyone had Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Northern English accents.
“Mxy, I’ve got a 16 pack of booze,” said another male imp.
“Not enough,” said Mxyzptlk. “Get the an American pack.”
Using his magic, the imp got a 60 pack of booze.
“Ere, that alien with the nice abs isn’t here, is she?” asked another male imp. “I really wanna shag her.”
“I wanna have it off with Robin,” laughed a female imp.
“Oh look, what Beast Boy is watching!” laughed another female.
All the imps saw the naked Olivia Wilde on the TV and saw that there was lotion and a box of tissues on the sofa. They all pointed and laughed at the embarrassed Beast Boy.
“RIGHT, EVERYBODY OUT!” he shouted.
But that made the imps laugh even more.
“You see Beast Boy,” explained Mxyzptlk. “We’re gonna have a party and wreck this dump. We’re also going to pour drugs everywhere. When we’re finished, we’re gonna call the police and you will get the blame. Anyway, piss off!”
Mxyzptlk snapped his fingers and made Beast Boy vanish.
Beast Boy was now outside the Tower and was completely naked. He turned himself into a bird and flew up to the top window. Then, he turned himself into a fly and stood on the window as he watched the horror.
The imps had loud music on, drank away, smashed the chairs and snorted coke on the sofa.
One of the imps had a shotgun and his friend was throwing DVDs into the air. The imp with the shotgun blasted the things to pieces.
Another imp smashed the massive 4K TV with a hammer, another imp wasn’t happy.
“Ere! I was gonna nick that later, ya bastard!”
Mxyzptlk made out with his girlfriend Ms Gsptisnz on the sofa.
“Everyone, we’re gonna do it on the Titans’ sofa!” cried Scottish accented Gsptisnz as she and Mxy went for it.
Beast Boy tried to think of what to do. He knew he had to go to Titans East for help. But will, they be any match for Mxyzptlk and his gang?
“Ere, folks!” cried another imp. “I’ve got Larry!”
The imp brought forth Larry, the imp who dresses like Robin. He was tied up with rope and had a gag in his mouth.
Mxy and Gsptisnz (also known as Gipzy) stopped making out and looked at Larry, who was terrified.
“Well, if it isn’t the wee shite who tattletaled on us,” said Mxyzptlk as he slapped Larry in the face. “Because of you, we were in prison for months. We’re gonna make your life a living hell.”
The imps did horrible things to poor Larry, such as tying him to a post and chucked glass bottles at him, then they tied him to the ceiling and hit him with sticks like a pinata, then the imps turned themselves into American football players and threw Larry around like a football, then they got a massive elastic band and were about to catapult Larry out the window.
Some imps held onto the ends of the massive elastic band and Mxyzptlk was behind the middle. Poor Larry was in front of the band and Mxy stretched it further and further.
“Any last words, dickhead?” Mxy asked Larry.
Before Larry could say anything, Mxy let go and Larry went flying to the window, smashed it and flew into the sky.
The imps laughed, but Beast Boy turned into an eagle and flew after the speeding Larry. He caught up with him and grabbed onto the ropes. Then he brought Larry over to land.
Using his beak, Beast Boy bit the ropes off and Larry was free.
“Thank you,” said Larry.
Beast Boy changed back, but he was naked and covered himself.
Larry snapped his fingers and Beast Boy’s clothes were back on him.
“Thanks,” said Beast Boy. “Look, I saw what that ‘Piddle-lack’ guy did to you. He’s an asshole!”
“Him and his gang would often bully me at the Fifth Dimension University,” explained a tearful Larry. “I reported him and his gang to the Dean and they got kicked out. Then I reported them to the police because they were going to blow up the University for revenge. Mxyzptlk and his gang were sent to prison, But Mxy's girlfriend got them out. They burst into my home and……”
Larry began to cry. Beast Boy put his arm around him.
“The only way to defeat them,” said Larry. “Is to get Mxyzptlk to say his name backwards: Kltpzyxm. Once he says it backwards, he and his gang will go back to the Fifth Dimension.”
“We can’t do it alone,” said Beast Boy. “We need an army.”
“We need Robin!” Larry exclaimed excitedly.
“Robin is not here,” replied Beast Boy.
Larry groaned with disappointment. Robin was always his favourite.
So Beast Boy and Larry went to Titans East Tower. They told Bumblebee, Speedy, Aqualad and Mas y Manos what happened.
“The bullies!” said Aqualad.
“You poor thing,” added Bumblebee as she placed her hand on a teary Larry’s face.
“¡Esos hijos de puta pagarán por sus crímenes!” cried Mas y Manos.
“Well, there’s only 7 of us and over 50 of those bastards,” said Speedy. “But we’ll try.”
Later at Titans Tower, Mxy and his gang were still trashing the place.
Gipzy arrives with some porn magazines.
“I went to that demon girl’s room and found the largest stash of prono ever!” she laughed. “This is almost as big as Anna Kendrick’s porn collection.”
“What does Raven have?” asked another female imp.
“Let’s see, she has; ‘Cocks Monthly’, ‘Strictly Dickly’, ‘Butt Specialist’, ‘Gigolos of the world’ and…………….’Bi-weekly’?”
Everyone looked at the magazine confused.
“And look what else I found,” said Gipzy as she pulled out a Xena: Warrior Princess DVD.
A drunken imp, McGurk was feeling poorly.
“Ere, mate, I needa shite,” he told his friend.
McGurk then took his pants down and sat on the armchair. His friend laughed.
“Ere, McGurk, that’s not a toilet!”
“Fuck off! And let me have a shite in peace!” barked McGurk as he did his business on the armchair.
Fortunately, Mxy turned the armchair into a toilet.
Just then the door blew open and in came Beast Boy, Larry, Bumblebee, Speedy and the twins.
“Well, I see Larry has brought some friends,” said Mxyzptlk.
“We’re gonna send your ass back to the Fifth Dimension,” said Bumblebee.
“Good luck, luv,” said Mxy.
Beast Boy turned himself into a T-Rex.
“I can do that, too, Bell-end,” said Mxy as he turned himself into a blue T-Rex.
Then the two T-rexes duked it out.
Bumblebee then flew over to Gipzy, who pulled out some bug spray. She tried to spray Bumblebee, but she shrank herself.
“Hold still, you wee bitch,” snapped Gipzy.
The twins then ran around and around and around most of the imps, causing them to feel dizzy. Speedy then fired an explosive arrow at the window causing it to explode. Using his magic, Larry made an enormous fan appeared. The fan blew all the imps out of the window and they flew across the sky and landed in the sea.
Aqualad was in the sea waiting for them.
“Say hello to my little friends,” he said to the imps as a massive swarm of piranhas swam toward them.
The imps screamed and swam away as the piranhas chased after them.
The two T-Rexes were still fighting, they grabbed each other and smashed themselves onto the walls, causing them to break down.
Gipzy was still trying to spray the tiny Bumblebee, she then pulled out a machine gun and fired at her. She fired everywhere except for Bumblebee, creating holes all over the walls like Swiss cheese.
Speedy fired an explosive arrow at the Mxy-Rex’s foot. It exploded and it caused him to yelp and change back to his normal form. The Beast Boy Rex then ate Mxyzptlk and swallowed him.
Beast Boy then changed back.
“I know I don’t eat meat, but for Mixxle-plick, I’ll make it an acception.”
Suddenly Beast Boy felt a horrible feeling in his gut.
He immediately ran to the toilet and took the biggest dump of his life. Then he came out with Mxyzptlk following him.
“Not the first time I was inside another man,” Mxy laughed.
Then he pulled out a pistol and pointed it at Beast Boy’s head.
He brought Beast Boy back into the living room with the other Titans, Larry, Gipzy, and some of the wet imps who were badly bitten by piranhas.
“Why can’t you guys use your magic to heal yourselves?” asked Speedy.
“Knobhead, it doesn’t work that way,” snapped an injured imp. “Imps get hurt, cut and sick like humans. Magic doesn’t cure us like that.”
That somehow gave Beast Boy an idea. But Mxy was still holding him hostage.
“I know you Yanks get an erection if you see guns,” Mxy told the Titans.
“No somos americanos,” said Mas.
“¡Pero sí odiamos a cierto presidente estadounidense con pasión!” added Manos with an angry look on his face.
“Well anyway, I’ve got Beast Boy hostage,” said Mxyzptlk. “And I will blow his brains out if anybody tries to stop me.”
Beast Boy then turned into a fly.
“Oh, ya wee shit!” cried Mxy as he tried to shoot the fly Beast Boy.
Beast Boy flew over to Gipzy and turned into a cobra. Then he sank his fangs into Gipzy’s leg.
“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! YA WEE BOLLOCKS!” she cried.
Beast Boy turned back and wiped the venom from his lips.
“The green bastard poisoned me!” cried Gipzy.
Mxy ran over and looked at the wound. He then looked at Beast Boy who had a smug look on his face.
“We’re gonna have to take Gipzy to the Fifth Dimension hospital,” he said. “You win this round, Beast Boy. But we will be back in 3 months time. And when we do, oh, the stuff we’ll do to ya.”
He then looked at all the other imps.
“Folks, we’re goin’ home.”
All the imps groaned with disappointment.
“Oh well, good party anyway, Mxy,” said an imp.
“Thanks,” said Mxyzptlk. “Kltpzyxm!”
And with that, Mxy and all the imps vanished.
The Titans had won.
“Three months?” asked Beast Boy.
“Yeah, I forgot to tell you that,” said Larry. “But you’ll be ready.”
Then Beast Boy looked at the wrecked living room in horror.
“Not to worry,” said Larry, as he snapped his fingers.
Suddenly, the room wasn’t a wreck anymore.
Everything that was broken, was repaired as if nothing touched it. There were no drugs anywhere.
The room was spotless. Beast Boy was happy.
“Thanks, Larry,” he said.
“You’re welcome,” said Larry.
“Goodbye, B.B.,” said Bumblebee. “Have fun running around naked and watching Olivia Wilde movies.”
Titans East were about to leave, until Beast Boy stopped them.
“Guys, you know the others won’t be back in a few days,” he told them. “It’s getting quite lonely, do you wanna stay here with me?”
The Titans thought for a moment and said yes.
So all week, Beast Boy, Larry and Titans East all hung out; They dined at a restaurant, went to the mall, went bowling, the cinema and they even saw a production of “The Room: The Musical”, based on the Tommy Wiseau epic. They even bought some booze for Raven to replace the ones Beast Boy drank.
At the end of the week, the Teen Titans arrived back to Titans Tower. They even met Titans East and Larry, who gave Robin a MASSIVE hug.
“I missed you so much, Robin,” he said with tears in his eyes.
“Larry, it’s nice to see you too, but you’re squeezing me,” replied Robin.
Beast Boy and Titans East told the Teen Titans about Mxyzptlk and their battle with him.
“Well, we’ll ready for this ‘Mxyzptlk’ in three months,” said Robin.
Titans East and Larry later went home and said bye bye to the Titans.
The Teen Titans were glad to be home after their trip to Metropolis.
But when Raven went to her room, she noticed something was missing.
“Where’s my copy of ‘Bi-weekly’?”