To say everything hurt was a massive understatement. There was a small part of her that wanted to return to the place before, that cold, dark void which simultaneously stretched out endlessly and pressed down upon her.
Emily hoped Declan was okay. At least then it was all for something, she was absolved or vindicated or…or…
There was a bright light burning into her closed eyes, the hum of machinery and the sound of whispers. Emily knew hospitals well enough to guess where she was.
Pretending to be asleep was easier than facing them. Derek would be furious. Even as he had crouched over her in that warehouse and begged her to hold on, Emily knew he felt her betrayal keenly.
Would Seaver feel betrayed? Emily had acted like a kind of mentor to the young woman. Would the discovery that another caring figure in her life was carrying a dark secret be too much?
Garcia wouldn’t understand. A soul like hers couldn’t understand why Emily would choose to face Doyle alone. It wasn’t that Garcia was naive enough to believe that the world was all goodness and light; it was that she belived what little goodness there was could overcome any darkness. The dragon was always slain.
Reid would understand. Emily didn’t know why she was so sure but she felt it deep inside her bones. Reid would understand and he and Garcia would probably forgive her.
Rossi she wasn’t sure about. He was old school but during his time with the team Emily knew he had warmed up. He had helped her when Matthew died, been supportive, almost fatherly. Would that make him blame her more or less?
Hotch would feel betrayed but for a different reason than Seaver and his logical mind would understand why she did what she did. He would probably never really trust her again. Loyalty was the virtue he prized above all others.
JJ’s voice cut through the swirling thoughts, calling her name. Finally Emily managed to open her eyes. JJ was smiling and Hotch stood behind her. He wasn’t smiling or frowning. He just looked so defeated.
“You’re going to be okay” said JJ “Everything is going to be okay but I need you to listen to me. We didn’t get Doyle”
Declan. Please let Declan be okay
“We’ve made arrangements for you to go into hiding once you’re stable enough to be moved” said Hotch. His voice was a croak.
Emily frowned. even through the pain and the drugs she could tell something was wrong.
“Get some rest” was all Hotch said and then he and JJ were gone, whispering as they left the room.