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And Other Duties As Assigned

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And Other Duties As Assigned

Tony blinked at Abby. "Honey, I think you need to calm down. It's not my birthday or anything."

"Well, duh, he always remembers your birthday without help. But this is a professional thing. He should have taken care of you."

"No, today is the day that I go around and bribe all the admins in the building with sparkling cider and bubble-bath so that they don't shoot me when Gibbs has a request."

"All of the admins?"

"Yeah." Tony grinned. "Even Charlie and Bill. Charlie said his wife loves the cider and the bubble-bath and it gets him extra points."

"And Bill?"

"That is for me to know and you to wonder." She shared a smirk with him. Bill was almost as pretty as a girl and there was an office pool as to whether he was straight or not. Tony knew the truth and Abby knew he knew, but he wasn't saying.

"That's not the point. Gibbs, I put it on your calendar so you wouldn't forget. And I programmed it into your outlook to do list. And put it on your PDA. I also left you three messages, one on each phone!"

Gibbs glared at her.


"What is that?" Tony asked poking the gift bag. Kate smirked at him.

"That is an admin's day gift. There's a card attached."

"Okay, I need to shoot someone, right now."

"I think it's nice," McGee said, straight-faced. Tony glared at him. "Seriously. Gibbs makes you do a lot more than just investigation things. It's nice that someone recognized that."

"If this is heavy enough, I'm throwing it at your head. Just fair warning." Gibbs paused by Tony's desk. "Did you have someone check that for explosives?"

"Not yet." Tony poked at the bag with the end of a pencil. He peered into it. Then, he used the pencil to pick it up by the handles. "Here, Kate, you open it."

"Oh, no, I couldn't. It's yours after all." She smiled at him sweetly. "It's wrong to open up someone else's packages."

He glared at her. "Fine. I'll take it down to Abby so she can open it carefully."

"Oh, relax, Debbie dropped it off. It's not dangerous."

"Debbie Parsons?" Tony asked, outraged.


He dumped the bag onto his desk. The candy he scooped into his drawer for later consumption. The stuffed bean bag dog though he stapled to the wall of his cube, then cut open the throat and made a fairly convincing line of blood trickling down its front with a red marker. He glanced at the card then circled the "Happy Administrative Professional's Day" and drew a slash through it. He stapled it to the dog. Satisfied, he turned back to the case file he'd been reviewing before Abby had lured him to her lab.

"Hey, Tony, you letting Abby decorate your cube now?" Tiffani Powers said with a grin. She was a perky, professional administrative assistant, who just happened to work for the director.

"Hi, Tiff."

"Thanks for the cider. You'll have to come over and share it one of these days."

He winked at her. "Well, I'd love to, but wouldn't your husband object?"

"I don't know." She played with a curl of hair. "I'll have to ask, he might be open to it if you brought a friend."

He laughed. "Blonde or brunette?"

"Not a red-head?"

"Gibbs steals all their phone numbers. What's up, sweetheart?"

"Expense reports and travel vouchers that need signatures. And the ever popular performance review paperwork that someone hasn't turned in yet."

Tony took the sheaf of papers and the file folders. "Anything I need to worry about?"

"Well, Director Morrow did mention something about a budget meeting tomorrow at three."

"Great." They flirted idly for a few minutes more before Gibbs snapped.


"Yes, boss?"

"I was supposed to have a cold-case review on my desk ten minutes ago."

"Tiff, would you be so kind as to give these vouchers to Agent Gibbs to sign before you go?" Tony said with saccharine sweetness. "And I think he really does need to do the PAR's himself this year, don't you?"

"Definitely. I'll make sure the meeting gets put on his calendar and nothing will disturb it." She smiled at Tony, took the papers, then dropped them onto Gibbs' desk. "Bye, sweetheart!" she waggled her fingers at Tony. He blew her a kiss. Gibbs looked at the papers, then glared at Tony. The young man looked at him innocently. "That was cold, DiNozzo," he said mildly.

"Yeah, payback's a bitch, ain't it, boss?"

"I notice your PAR isn't sitting here."

"Nah, you signed off on it already."

"I did?"

"Last month."

"Is that what you stuck under my nose during the budget review?"

"Nah, that was the insurance for your car that was running out. I'm not driving with you uninsured."

"Why don't I remember your PAR?"

"Hmm... I don't know. Tiff said that Morrow already had the paperwork and you signed off on it." Tony frowned. "Normally you combine it with a gripe session. I'll track it down for you." Tony made a note to himself. Kate was staring at him. "What is it, Kate?"

"Don't call me that. You do the PARs?"

"Yeah?" Tony blinked at her. "This place is usually a revolving door of agents. It's just the yeah, we're getting rid of this one too, here's why." He shrugged. He picked out a few words on his screen. This whole day was starting to depress him. "Hey, boss, forget your glasses again?"

"Don't push it, Tony." He could see the amusement in Gibbs' face though. Tony's eyes narrowed. Gibbs smirked.

"Oh, you wouldn't."

"Yeah. Tall and black."


Gibbs held up a twenty.

"Sometimes, I really do hate you."

"And caffeine for Abby."

"Oh, goodie, just what I want, to get another lecture from Abby today." Tony stalked out of the office, muttering to himself.


"That was cruel," Kate said, a smile playing around her lips. "He actually had every right to dump all of that on you. He's a field agent."

"He's been doing the paperwork for over a year now, Kate. Came with the promotion." Gibbs shrugged. He put all the papers into a neat pile and dropped them into Tony's in box.

Abby bopped into the bullpen. "Where's Tony?"

"Getting coffee."

She frowned at him. "I told you to treat him nicely today. When's he coming back?"


"Because I need something from him."


"You don't know how to do the requisition paperwork, so don't even start. I'll just wait for him." She settled in Tony's chair. She giggled at the stuffed dog. "Oh, that better not be what you got him."

"I didn't get him anything. He's a field agent, Abby."

She frowned at him. "Didn't we have this talk already?" She sat up regally. "You owe him for doing all the crap jobs you send him on. And especially for all the meetings you send him to deal with. And you definitely owe him for sending him to pick up your plaques. And haven't seen any awards for him putting up with you for the past three years."

"They don't give medals for that," Gibbs said, settling at his desk. "Don't touch anything."

"Right." She pulled open his top drawer and snagged a piece of candy. She leaned back and put her feet up. "So what are you getting him?"

"I already told you, nothing."

"On the contrary, you just bought me a cup of coffee. And since that's as close to a thank you as you ever get, we'll go with it. There's a Caf-Pow in your lab." Tony settled a coffee on each desk. "And what can I do for you, honey?"

"I need a rec put in."

Tony sighed. "Okay, now I know you have a Master's. And I know that you're planning your Ph.D. So tell me, why the Hell can't you remember how to fill in a form?"

"But you're so much better at coming up with justifications."

The agent snorted. "Right. Flattery will get you anywhere you want. Move." He pushed her legs down. She got up to sit on his blotter.

She spoke quietly and Tony typed. She kissed him on the cheek and grabbed the print-out. She bounced out of the room.

"What did we just buy for her?" Gibbs asked.

"A new program for the analysis of shrapnel trajectories."

"I don't want to know what you came up with as a justification. And I don't want to know how much it cost."

"Don't worry. It's out of Parson's budget. They never use their tech budget. Bill will take care of it."

"Bill?" Kate's eyes narrowed. "The guy who looks like David Bowie was his idol?"

"Androgyny isn't a bad gig if you can handle it. And given the fact that I've seen Bill kick Gibbs' ass, I think he can handle it."

Gibbs chuckled. "He got lucky. He was a SEAL, Kate. His teammates got the shock of their life after he left and let his hair grow."

Kate looked at Tony who was focused on something on his screen. "You're kidding."

"No," Tony confirmed. "He's been getting into judo lately. Speak of the devil, what's up?"

"Thanks for the cider."


"And no, you cannot requisition a muzzle for Gibbs."


"But I have a source if you need one." Bill grinned. He handed over a file. "So, did you finally land Marci in accounting?"

"No," Tony sighed. "Turns out she's getting married."

"And that stopped you?"

"I met her to be."

"Spill it."

"Grizzly bear protecting his honey."

Bill winced. "No bruises I can see."

"I know when to shut my mouth." Tony signed the papers in the file and handed it back.

"Abby wants some new software."

"Then she'll have to get it. You spoil that girl rotten."

"But she's just so… so Abby."

"Yeah. I know. See you Sunday?"

"If the grouch doesn’t call me in."

"I've told you what to do about that," Bill chided as he checked the papers. He left with a wave. Kate caught the glance between Tony and Gibbs, but didn't know what it meant.


Gibbs wasn't there when the flowers appeared. Tony frowned at the mail clerk. "These have got to be for you," Tony said, setting the flowers on her desk.

"I don't know, maybe Gibbs has finally taken Abby's advice."

"He'd know better."

She looked at him with a question on her lips.

Tony pointed at her arrangement. "I'm allergic to stasis and lilies." He settled back at his desk. She looked at the card then tossed it to him.

"Your card. And how allergic?"

"Like take them home with you tonight or I'll give them to someone else." He read the card, sneering in disgust. It got a red slash-mark through it and was pinned to the board next to the dog. He looked at his inbox. "Bastard," he muttered. He pulled out the stack and started working through it.

"Why is it we never see you doing this paperwork?" Kate asked, gesturing towards the pile.

"Because you don't come in early enough. I normally do it when I'm on-call." He shrugged. He worked through the pile and started on the folders next. He fell silent and the other two followed his lead.


Tony's head snapped up. "Quitting time. Get out of here before Abby jumps down my throat." Tony looked around. Kate and McGee were gone. "I sent them home an hour ago. You looked like you'd hit your stride."

"Yeah, almost done. I'll just stick it out."

Gibbs reached over to pluck the card from the flowers off of the wall. He read it silently, then dropped it into the trashcan. The mutilated stuffed dog and card were next. Tony continued to work, very aware of Gibbs' presence now. He could feel the heat of him, and smell the sawdust and coffee that lingered on his skin. "Come on. I'll buy you dinner and you can placate Abby."

Tony looked down at McGee's PAR. "It's almost done and ready for review. Give me twenty?"

"No longer." Gibbs gave Tony's shoulder a brief squeeze before he moved back to his own desk.

"Done. So where are we going for dinner?"

Gibbs smiled. "Come on. I'll show you."

Tony followed, bag over his shoulder and jacket over his arm. He leaned against the back wall of the elevator. "Can we just eat at home?"

"Whatever you want is fine with me."

"I'll grab some stuff on the way and meet you at home."

"Tony, just trust me, okay?"

"You went shopping?"

"I did manage to survive on my own cooking for a long time."

The young man smiled. "I like spoiling you, okay?"

Gibbs smiled, looking younger than usual as it lit up his face. He winked. He composed himself just before the elevator doors opened to let them out into the parking garage.


Tony stopped just inside the door. Gibbs had gotten home before him simply because he drove like a madman. The air was rich with vanilla and cinnamon. His lover was baking cookies. Tony hung up his coat and took off his shoes. He wandered into the kitchen. Cooling on top of the stove was a rack of chocolate chip cookies. Dinner was waiting on the kitchen table. Tony settled in his chair. Gibbs kissed him on the top of the head in greeting as he passed by. He was coming to the table with coffee.

"Hi," Tony said shyly.


"You've been planning this."

"Yep." Tony's mouth was watering. He looked at his lover, wondering if he should start or if Gibbs had other plans. The man was perfectly capable of torturing him with perfectly made chicken and dumplings by making him wait until after something horrible like a salad. Gibbs smiled gently. Tony propped his chin in his hand, distracted now by the study of the man he hadn't planned on falling for. Gibbs was totally wrong for him. To start with, he was male. He was a thrice-divorced bastard with to social skills of a hermit. He ran hot and cold. He was old. Unfortunately, he was also perfect in a hundred other ways that only Tony seemed to see. "You planning to eat sometime tonight?"

"Oh, I'll definitely eat something tonight, but you're right. I should start with dinner."

Gibbs chuckled. "Should I break out the wine?"

"No. Coffee's better with cookies anyways."

"Oh, you only lust after my cookies, I see."

"Well, you should never have told me you knew how to bake." Tony took his time enjoying the meal and the quiet conversation that flowed over it. The topics ran from the mundane, what sort of snacks should they keep on hand, to the more arcane, which sort of wood would be best to carve the front of the boat from. Soon enough they'd moved to the couch and were munching on freshly baked cookies. Gibbs leaned over and placed a small kiss on the corner of Tony's mouth.

"Crumb," he said by way of explanation. Tony set down his mug. As soon as he'd finished his cookie he leaned across the distance between them and caught Gibbs in a soft kiss. When they broke apart, his lover was smiling the small, sweet smile that he loved. "I adore you," Gibbs whispered. He pulled Tony into another kiss. "You are the best thing that's happened to me in years. But if I find out that you ever dated Bill I'll kill you."

Tony laughed until his chest hurt. "No way, Jethro. Bill is not my type in the least. He's too pretty. And he's straight."


"And if you try to take the pool, I'll deny all knowledge of talking to you."

"Understood. Now, come over here so I can kiss you properly." Tony scooted closer. Jethro kissed him gently once more. "Thank you for everything you do for me."

Tony shrugged. "I love you. I like spoiling you. Now, I'm sure we could find something interesting to do upstairs."

Gibbs chuckled, the low sound rasping over Tony's nerves. He shivered. "I've got plans." Tony licked his lips, was that good or bad? he wondered. Then, his mouth was being explored by the familiar touch of Jethro's tongue.


Jethro looked down at his lover, who was, for once rather pliant. The long fingers were dancing up and down Jethro's thighs, but simply to enjoy touching rather than to direct the action anywhere. He smiled, then leaned down to continue his lazy exploration of Tony's body with his lips. He brushed his lips over the soft skin behind Tony's ear and the younger man arched into the touch, turned his head further to allow better access to the spot, but Jethro simply moved down to taste the hollow of his collar-bone. He continued down, stopping to reverently kiss each scar he came across. He nuzzled the soft fur of Tony's chest.



"If you don't do something soon, I'm going to have to do something drastic to you."

"Oh?" Jethro kissed his lover, soothing him. He gave the younger man's cock a gentle squeeze. Tony arched into his touch. His fingers drifted up to massage Jethro's ass. He moaned into the kiss. "Patience."

"I'm not a big fan of the virtues, okay. Please?"

Jethro returned his lips to one nipple, teasing the other with the callous-roughened pads of his fingers. Tony melted back into the mattress as Jethro pulled back. The older man knew better than to trust the lassitude. There was something smug in Tony's smile. "Tell me what you want, baby," he whispered.

"Just move with me, Ro," Tony murmured. "Let me feel you all along me." Jethro laid himself fully atop his lover, their groins nestled together. He moved his hips gently. He wrapped his hands in the soft silk of Tony's hair and held him to a kiss of heat and love. Tony's rested on his lover's shoulder blades holding him close as they moved gently together. They broke the kiss for only a moment to breathe. Sweat mingled between them soaking them and the sheets they lay on, heavy with the scent of sex. They moved more desperately, cock grazing cock and driving them deeper into sensation. They broke the kiss. One of them moaned, but Jethro couldn't tell where the sound came from. He felt his balls tighten and knew it wouldn't be much longer. Tony arched and cried out beneath him, releasing a warm rush of fluid. Jethro followed a moment later.

They lay tangled and breathless for a long moment. Eventually, Tony murmured, "if we don't clean up we'll be sorry in the morning."

"So?" Jethro muttered, shifting.

Tony chuckled, slightly breathless. "Baby-wipes in the nightstand."

Jethro chuckled. "What would I do without you?"