It didn't take Jaebum longer than five minutes to close and pack things up in his personal studio as soon as his phone buzzed on the desk. It wasn't exactly the fanciest place but it wasn't unpleasant to work in either. It took a while to get the set up into the basement of the house but it was surely worth it now that he didn't have to leave home for work. He closed the door to the basement, locking it for the day. He went up the stairs to their room, a smile automatically making its way to his lips when he saw Youngjae's head plopped up on the pillows.
"Hey baby, were you waiting for long?" he asked, making his way to the bed, sitting down beside the spot the younger was laying on.
"No, I was just playing a game" Youngjae replied. Jaebum bent down, placing a soft kiss on the younger's forehead.
"I'll get something to eat okay?" Jaebum said, before leaving the room. Youngjae tried to push himself further up on the pillows, knowing it was most likely impossible with the little movement that's left in his body. He settled for the position he was currently in, resting his head back letting out a sigh. The urge to cry rooting up from within once again but he pushed it back.
The door opened and Jaebum came inside with his dinner . He cautiously pulled Youngjae up, so that his upper half rested a little higher against the pillows, carefully feeding the younger boy. Their routine ended at this. Jaebum made sure to be back before seven(unless he decided to spend some extra time in his studio working which wasn't that often because he didn't like leaving Youngjae on his own for any longer than needed), fed him the last meal of the day and gave him a bath.
As soon as the younger was done eating, Jaebum ran the water in the bathtub, making sure it was warm enough.
"Come on Jae ah" he said, picking the boy's flaccid body in his arms, taking him into the bathroom and placing him into the tub after striping him off of his clothes.
Youngjae said nothing, quietly watching Jaebum wash him and as if he knew Youngjae was upset, he took his hand and kissed the ring on finger, while the same one was adorned in his own hand. The gesture managed to earn him a smile. Jaebum took him out carefully wrapping a fluffy towel around him, drying him off before getting his clothes from the closet, stretching the fabric of the tights over the soft flesh of his legs,placing loving kisses over his knees even if he knew the younger could not feel it.
He carried the boy back to bed, laying him down of the mush of pillows. Once eased into the soft sheets, Jaebum stretched Youngjae's legs back and forth, one after the other. Jaebum did that every day after they showered, to make sure his muscles stay intact.
"Do you want to step outside for a walk love? I'll get your chair" Jaebum asked and the younger shook his head,
"let's skip that for today"
"My baby is feeling lazy today?" Jaebum teased, making the younger nod
"I wanna stay in bed with you"
Jaebum smiled, joining his husband under the covers, pulling his body to him. He held Youngjae's hand in his, kissing all over his face, where he could feel most his touch. Jaebum held him close, with his head resting against the elder's chest, turning the younger's body so that it was facing his own.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" Jaebum asked to which the younger nodded his head. Jaebum put on the CD and played it. They shifted the the TV to their bedroom since it was easier for Youngjae to stay there while they watched the movie.
They both laid in comfortable silence, taking solace in each other's presence until Youngjae broke the silence
"Do you... ever... regret it?"
"... Leaving the group... Marrying me even though I.." he chocked mid sentence, trying his best to hold back the sob, ripping through his chest and Jaebum's grip instinctively tightened around him.
"Why would you think that Youngjae? I'll never regret being with you baby. I love you so much" Jaebum said rather calmly pulling his head back, just enough to see the younger's face as the tears streamed down his cheeks. A part of Jaebum was very well aware of the fact that no reassurance in this world could erase this possible doubt from his lover's mind.
Even after the nights he'd spent whispering all the words to him, telling him how much he loved him and nothing that happened was his fault, Youngjae still blamed it on himself. First days were the worst, after the accident Youngjae had a hard time adjusting to all that happened. The boy was devastated after what happened and knowing that there was a chance he could never walk again had him down in dumps. It took all of them months to get Youngjae out of the trance, Jaebum never left him alone unless Mark or Jinyoung were there with him. And then, when Jaebum proposed to him after his release from the hospital, Youngjae cried for hours, whimpering how he couldn't do this to Jaebum.
"it's just... It was your dream hyung, you were so close to it and I... ruined everything and imposed my mishaps on you I... I..was selfish" Youngjae stated in between the sobs.
"Shh, don't cry baby, it wasn't your fault" Jaebum did not move in favor of letting the boy cry out his pain and worries. He knew how hard Youngjae tried to keep his tears hidden, crying in silence of the night when he thought the elder was asleep, trying so hard to not let his smile falter. Right now he wanted to hold Youngjae and comfort him.
When Youngjae's sobs reduced to occasional sniffing, Jaebum moved back just enough to cup his cheek in his hand but the younger still avoided his eyes.
"Look at me Youngjae"
The younger raised his gaze to meet Jaebum's eyes.
"My little pabo, do you have any idea how much you mean to me? You're not burden Jae, far from it in fact you are the reason I want to continue on living everyday"
"Shh, listen to me okay? I don't regret anything because it wasn't just my dream, it was our dream. Yours, mine and all others and we fulfilled it baby. So many people loved us all, loved you. And even now when we're not there, they still do. Our friends are continuing on for us. There are so many memories that I cherish more than anything and I'll never regret any of it. I'll never regret meeting you, loving you or marrying you " Jaebum said, finishing with a soft kiss that he placed on the younger's forehead, gently wiping the tears that still lingered out of his eyes.
"Don't ever think like that okay" the elder said, holding his face in his hands. Youngjae sniffled softly, resting his head back to Jaebum's chest and elder gently hummed a very familiar melody, a song that had so much emotions attached to it, a song they wrote together. He wound his arms tightly around the younger, running his fingers through the soft brown locks until Youngjae's breathing evened out and Jaebum was sure he was deep in sleep. He still held the boy close, not watching him upset even for a second. As much as he wished he could take all of Youngjae's suffering, replace every missing part, every insecurity with with his love, he knew he could not. He could never get back all that Youngjae had lost but he wanted the younger to be happy again, to smile the way he used to. For now he wanted to make sure that Youngjae feels comforted so that he knows he's never alone, while silently praying for a miracle.
"I'll always be right here" he mumbled slightly, pressing a kiss in Youngjae's hair.
"I love you no matter what"