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The Lopez Manifesto

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Rachel Berry knew something weird was going on. For one, McKinley High was too quiet and that never happened. McKinley didn’t have eyes in the middle of hurricanes, it only had hurricanes. She walked along the familiar halls expecting to see a fight, or a sing-along, or maybe even Sue trying to make Mr. Shue cry again… but nothing.

Rachel walked past Finn and Sam practicing their secret handshake. Ok. So no drama there. Sam swooshed around and made light saber sounds as he pretended to cut across Finn’s imaginary light saber. Both boys pretended to fight each other then laughed.

“Look Rach! Our handshake’s the best.”

Rachel gave a friendly nod in agreement but kept walking to the next suspects: Kurt, Tina, and Artie.

Kurt was showing off photos of Blaine on his phone. And Artie saw a photo of the ex-Warbler in just his swim suit and did a pretend: hubba! hubba! While playfully swatting Kurt’s arm. It was sweet, but also not worrying.

Mercedes and Puck?

She found them in the library calmly studying for a test. This was getting crazy. Glee Club was fine, but it was too fine.

“Have you seen Brittany and Santana?” Rachel asked them.

They both shrugged, but Rachel had to bet their was some Brittana thing happening. There always was. Except right now, Brittany and Artie had broken up so the two of them seemed perfectly fine. Still, she went to go look for them just in case.

Santana and Brittany were making out in the auditorium. Santana didn’t even have to remove her eyes (or her lips) from Brittany’s to wave her away. How does she know I’m even here? Rachel wondered. Santana’s eyes were closed! She slowly backed away after Santana muttered—in-between—kisses: “Get out, Berry.”

This left only one person. The one person, she didn’t want to encounter at all much less… ‘check in on.’ But something really weird happened when she walked up to Quinn’s locker. She saw people were pulling their phones out and recording, or taking photos then walking away laughing.

“Huh?”

“They’re my favorite couple,” a freshman mumbled, excitedly to her friends AS IF RACHEL wasn’t RIGHT THERE to hear her. What on Earth were they talking about?

“Here to carry her books, Berry?” A senior football team player asked her. Rachel just blinked, more confused than ever.

“Wait!” She called after him.

The boy stopped and waited for her to come over.

“Why did you say that?”

The boy, who she sorta-knew because of Finn, pulled out his phone and pulled up a website for her:

 

Chapter One:

Berry Is The Warmest Color

By yours, truly Santana Lopez.

 

“Ok, what is this?” Rachel was major leagues confused.

“Can I have my phone back?”

“No!”

 

******

 

‘Quinn and Rachel looked longingly across the room at one another until Quinn went to Glee, then she stared longingly at Gayberry as she sung a solo of ‘Right Thurr’ to the overly-excited, maybe even drooling, blonde.

She leant over and sing: ’I know you popular, but you gon' be famous today,’ as if it were an old-timey ballad. Then Berry swooped into the chair next to Q, to serenade her.’

Rachel gasped. “What!?!”

She had found the story again (with minimal google-searching) and her mind was now going into overdrive as she tried to race through thirty-seven chapters! THIRTY SEVEN! Of Santana’s writing project. Except, ‘project,’ ‘writing,’ No… Rachel wasn’t sure what this was.

‘I like the way you do that right thurr (right thurr) Lick your lips when you're talkin', that make me sturr.’ Quinn blushed as the brunette suggestively licked her lips.’

 

“This can’t be real. I can’t really be reading this right now.”

“What are you reading—” Sam asked, peeking over her shoulder. “Oh no.”

Rachel swirled around to look at him.

“You found it.” The boy wiped at his head and bowed it sheepishly. She had to ask. She was scared to but she had to:

“Who else knows about it?”

Sam gave her a sympathetic smile. “Everyone?”

 

******

 

Everyone was ‘almost-everyone.' It wasn’t Quinn.

It wasn’t Quinn until third period and Rachel found out as soon as she found out because there was a loud, screaming voice yelling: SANTANA throughout the halls.

Rachel had been still in binge-read mode. Leaning up against her own locker and frantically trying to catch up to the rest of the school.

Then the angry cheerio locked her eyes on her.

“You.”

“Quinn!” Rachel yelped and tried to push herself even more into her locker, in an impossible dream of Houdini-like escaping. But Quinn, charged straight to her and grabbed her arms with with both her hands and pressed down hard. She was FURIOUS.

“Did—”

“No!” She squeaked.

“How—”

“I just found out!” Rachel was almost pleading, “I didn’t do this! This is just as bad for me as it is for you.”

Quinn scanned her up and down.

“Doubtful.”

“Hey Q!” Shouted a dude neither of them had ever seen in their lives. “Save some of that for the bedroom!”

Quinn growled, then released the scared brunette out from her grip. Rachel slumped backwards, and then quickly straightened up and fixed her crumbled sleeves.

“I’m coming back for you later.” Quinn threatened, running away.

“God.”

Rachel kinda wished she could go back in time a day when things were still boring.