Rafael laid back, head resting back against the sturdy headboard and a book balancing in his hands, legs stretched and glasses settled low on his nose. He had only been wearing them a couple of months but they made him feel old, too old, however everything up close was a complete blur without them. He couldn’t see a darn thing.
Flipping the page casually, eyes darting back and forth as he absorbed the information in front of him and humming whenever he found a point worthy of approval.
Ever since his departure from the DA’s office, all Rafael had been doing was reading. An untouched shelf of forgotten books stood lonely in his living room, so after a few weeks of absolute boredom, he had started right at the top and was now two and a half shelves down.
The Waves by Virginia Woolf now occupied his hands, the book was extremely intriguing but he was forced to put it down every few hours because he found himself spiralling into deep thought which he found was hard to extract himself from.
Refusing to look at the newspapers, despite how many times he repeated that he was ’over it’ to himself, he couldn’t help but feel a stab of emotion whenever he saw Olivia or Stone or even Fin in the paper. It was worse when he Sonny occupying the pages because it just caused him to miss him, but also it brought back waves of nostalgia which in turn put him into a state of reminiscent about the last six years. So books it was.
It was late evening when Rafael heard a clinking of keys and the door to the apartment being swung open, followed by a rustle of movement which slowly but surely made its way towards the bedroom; where the former prosecutor had been sat in the same spot for most of the day.
Finally, the figure appeared in the doorway, shoulders slouched and a yawn falling from his lips, which turned into a small smile at the sight of Rafael sat on the bed. Sonny trudged into the room, dropping his suit jacket on the floor and discarding his tie also; which caused Rafael to bite his lip but he knew that Sonny knew he would be the one ironing it, besides he looked exhausted.
Evident in the way he fell face first on the bed with a loud groan, Rafael cocked his head to the side,
“I haven’t seen you for two days and you aren’t even going to say hello.”
“Hello.” Rafael just smiled, shaking his head before slipping his glasses off and placing them on top of his book which he put on the bedside table. He swung his legs gracefully off the bed and stood up, his limbs cracking in the process, god he was getting old.
Staring down at his unmoving partner, reaching a hand forward and dragging it through Sonny’s gel-less hair, the body beneath him relaxed and let out a long sigh. Removing his hand, Rafael wandered over to their drawers; tugging one open and getting out a white t-shirt and a pair of Fordham sweatpants, before making his way back to Sonny, who was still laying with his nose squashed into the covers.
“Come on. Up.” He got a groan in protest as a response, “Detective, if you think I am about to let you fall asleep in your work clothes, with a shirt that I brought you, you have me all wrong. Now, get up.”
At his own pace, which was antagonising slow, Sonny rolled himself over and sat up, taking a few moments before pushing himself onto his feet; wobbling slightly and blinking before focusing his eyes down on Rafael, who was suppressing a smirk.
Rafael’s nimble fingers worked on Sonny’s shirt buttons, blue with white polka-dots, which he got for him because he thought it would bring out the blue in Sonny’s eyes, which it did, but Rafael wasn’t about to tell him that. He couldn’t give his partner any ammunition which he could tease him with.
“Raf, I can do it.. I am not a baby-“
“So you weren’t whining like a child just then?” A flick of an eyebrow hushed the detective instantly, who proceeded to feebly attempt to help undo his buttons but Rafael just swatted him away. Slipping the fabric off Sonny’s broad shoulders, he dropped it among the rest of the discarded clothes, he hoped that Sonny would be reminded of the fact he was going to have to pick everything up by the exaggerated way Rafael lifted the shirt up and let it fall, staring into his partners eyes with raised eyebrows.
“You don’t have to be so dramatic all the time..” Sonny mumbled, shaking his head and taking it upon himself to yank the sleepwear out of Rafael’s hand, removing his slacks and quickly re-clothing himself, all whilst Rafael watched with admiration painfully clear on his face.
Stepping forward, reaching up and threading his fingers through Sonny’s soft locks he pulled him down onto his shoulder, wrapping his arms strongly around his neck and placing a gentle kiss to the side of his head.
Sonny slumped into him, loosing looping his arms around Rafael’s waist and pressing his face into his neck, inhaling softly and re-familiarising himself with the scent he loved way too much.
“I did miss you.” Rafael muttered out, his voice was gentle and genuine, he hated going to bed at night without him, missed the solid form of his partner waltzing around their apartment, missed the smell of breakfast in the morning and missed the love making at night.
He knew Sonny had to be working extra hours because of Amanda being pregnant again, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t miss him, miss him a lot. After everything, he was his only rock, he had been there for Rafael in ways that others wouldn’t understand. It pained Rafael that he couldn’t make all the problems go away, that he couldn’t just make life easy for Sonny.
“I love you.” His heart leapt, even though it had been over a year since they had first said those words to each other, Rafael still got a thrill down his spine and his stomach knotted tightly whenever he heard them spill out of Sonny’s mouth. It made him feel warm and wanted, a reminder that this wasn’t just him feeling this strong intense connection, rather it was shared and Rafael doesn’t think he will ever come to terms with it. Sonny Carisi loves him.
These moments were rare but pure, moments where the two of them were just content being with each other, breathing the same air.
“I love you too. Now, come on, bed.” Pulling back, he trusted Sonny could make the mere few steps to his side and he watched on as the detective slipped under the covers and shuffled about until he was comfortable, that’s when Rafael joined.
Sliding next to him, instantly he felt Sonny’s head resting on his shoulder, which caused a smile to form upon his lips, this was followed by a hand tracing patterns into the fabric that stretched across Rafael’s chest.
They didn’t need to talk about Sonny’s day, they didn’t need to talk about the things he saw or the things he had to do. All they needed was each other, just the warmth and comfort and love of another person, and that was something Rafael could do.