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A Bidet For This Indecent Party!

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Kazuma’s party had taken on another quest. In this case, it was a rare one that meant dealing with other adventurers. Knowing the reputation of Kazuma’s group, it was odd they were picked to deal with them, but it was truly because they had so little reputation left to lose that, even if they failed this one, they’d be in about the same place they started. The party they were dealing with wasn’t their target. It was, instead, their leader. A fully armored man who was destroying the local ecosystem by taking out monsters without accounting for sentience or the rules of adventuring.

This had caused the forest to become overrun with herbivores, including several invasive species who had come from out of town now that their predators were gone, and left much of the wooded areas outside of Axel in a state of disrepair. The deforestation and straining of resources was causing a major headache, since adventurers still needed them if they were to ever go beyond the city.

So the unlikely four had gathered. Kazuma, Aqua, Megumin and Darkness. Aqua was doing nothing except putting on a show for the forest creatures. Darkness had heard their leader was known for being unnecessarily brutal, and wanted to go up against him for her own reasons. Megumin and Kazuma were the only ones brainstorming two half-assed ideas that could reasonably be turned into one fully-assed idea for dealing with the party.

“If I steal the panties off their healer, it might actually benefit them!” said Kazuma.

“How, exactly?” asked Aqua.

“The girls in this party have a weird habit of pissing themselves. If I steal their panties, it’ll be less laundry. See? I’m doing them a favor!” said Kazuma.

“If you wanted a girl without panties to piss on you, I’ve been here the whole time!” said Aqua. “Don’t keep ignoring me! I’m a goddess!”

“Useless goddess,” said Kazuma.

Darkness wanted to get close to the rogue party’s leader. She wanted him in a duel that wasn’t so much a duel as it was a chance for her to have her clothes ripped and her breasts exposed. The problem was that the leader would have ignored her. Still, she was serving as Kazuma’s shield.

“I’ll cast an explosion first,” said Megumin. “That should get rid of most of them.”

Megumin raised her staff to the air. The party began to approach over the hill. Kazuma knew it would take some time to set up a spell. Megumin began chanting as the winds swirled around her, gathering all the magic points into her body. She could only do this once per day, and it was going to be on this quest.

“The powers of a ruby, linked together in a magical relay. Darkest powers from the bowels of the earth, held in for centuries, clump together in my staff, channeling your magic through my body to release yourself in a crimson blast from...”

“Steal!” Kazuma shouted.

Unfortunately, Kazuma’s spell had been misdirected. Instead of aiming at the healer in the rogue party, his attention was directed towards the winds blowing around Megumin, fluttering up her skirt and exposing her red and black panties. In an instant, Megumin’s panties transported themselves to Kazuma’s hand. A warm breeze blew through Megumin’s legs., causing her to suddenly fall over onto the ground.

“..my butt!” Megumin said, her dress flipping up to expose her bare, nicely-shaped bottoms to the party in the middle distance. The incomplete spell had only one word left to go. Megumin’s favorite word in the dictionary. “EXPLOSION!”

True to the spell’s words, Megumin’s magic was channeled through her mouth, rapidly passing through her intestines. Megumin felt a tight, clumping pressure in her rectum. Her belly had swollen up with magic, and there was only one way to release. Megumin clenched her staff, channeling the pressure into one of the biggest explosions Kazuma had witnessed. Before he heard the sound of the kaboom, another, more embarrassing sound sputtered forth instead.

Megumin’s puckering asshole opened up, unleashing a gas that was colorless, but not odorless. It expelled itself from her rectum with such force that the bushes and shorter trees in the distance began to shake from the incoming wind, and then the sound that followed. A squeaky, sputtering sound that got deeper and more pronounced as Megumin’s bowels emptied themselves of their foul smelling gas.

The smell, which stunk like sulfur and the inside of a volcano, caused Kazuma to faint on the spot, valiantly clutching Megumin’s panties in his hand. Darkness enjoyed the smell because it was so bad. Aqua, being a goddess, was immune. Megumin endured because it was her own smell, but she had never released this much, this quickly, with this much pressure. Her windy fart kept blowing out from behind. The crimson magic meant to be in Megumin’s staff channeled itself around the ring of her rectum, licking her ass-hairs with its pleasant burning.

The magic gathered, coalescing into a small ball of energy, before exploding out backwards from Megumin’s ass. She gripped the grass, remaining in place as her explosion propelled itself out her bottom, the smell and the flames driving away the rogue party that Kazuma’s group had been asked to target. The nearby woods were covered in a thick fog of Megumin’s stench, so powerful that the area wouldn’t be usable for the rest of the day. Animals scattered and birds flew away from the treetops as the last puffs of gas from Megumin’s explosive fart echoed outward.

“Oh no. I farted in front of Kazuma,” said Megumin. “What’s he going to think of me now that he’s heard my butt trumpet?”

Kazuma couldn’t answer, because he was unconscious. Not knocked out enough to where he would need to meet Eris for another revival. If Kazuma had to explain to Eris that one of Megumin’s farts had killed him and it was all his fault, he almost wouldn’t want to come back to life again.

It was worse for Megumin, because that had only been the prelude. Only a few foul-smelling hisses of gas were escaping her rectum, but her bowels were still clogged with feces that needed to be emptied. Megumin couldn’t move from her position on all fours. She was going to go in the grass. Which, to be fair, it wasn’t the first time she had done so. But she was able to squat those times, which was at least slightly more dignified for dropping a load in the woods.

“I can’t... move...” said Megumin. “I need a toilet.”

Darkness, while she preferred being in a BDSM relationship with men, saw a new opportunity. Kazuma hadn’t done this with her yet, but she would much rather Megumin release her waste onto someone rather than the forest. She had seen what a single fart had done to the woods near Axel. Darkness stripped off her clothes and crawled between Megumin’s legs. For a brief moment, the girls’ nipples touched as Darkness’ massive breasts pushed against Megumin’s dress, rubbing her nipples against the fabric.

“I’ll take all of your urine and feces,” said Darkness. “My body can be defecated on at will. I’ll even eat it if you want to make sure it’s really clean.”

“What the hell, Darkness?” asked Megumin. “I can’t move, so... I guess I have no choice.”

It started with pee. Megumin’s golden, salty pee that flowed from between her legs like white wine. It was warm and had an ammonia-like smell, at first going into Darkness’ belly button before quickly overflowing and dripping down her stomach into the grass. Darkness kept scooching upward, letting Megumin’s unstopping flow coat her body in pee. It went between her breasts, marinating her nipples in a layer of golden urine. Darkness wanted to rub it into her skin, but the real prize was waiting if she moved just a little further.

Darkness opened her mouth, letting the rest of Megumin’s piss flow into her mouth. The warm water overflowed from her lips. Darkness sloshed it around in her mouth, glugging it down so she could drink more. Her mouth was Megumin’s toilet, a fitting punishment for someone like her who never even got to meet the rogue party, who surely would have overwhelmed her with their unsubtle brute force and lack of human emotions.

“Thank you for peeing in this toilet’s mouth,” said Darkness. “It is an honor to be able to drink the urine of the Crimson Mages. I am not worthy!”

“That’s great, Darkness. But a big one’s coming. If my fart was that bad... I feel like I could clog an outhouse,” said Megumin.

“Excellent! Deliver your feces to me!” said Darkness.

Darkness continued scooting around under Megumin’s body, getting herself in the perfect position underneath Megumin’s reddish-pink anus. The rectum opened up, revealing the tip of a brown lump. Some of it had formed in Megumin’s body from her breakfast and lunch, but the rest had been created when she accidentally swallowed her magic instead of releasing it. Instead of bacteria, the feces created this way was filled with magic. Such is the mysteries of this world.

A long tube of brown slithered out of Megumin’s butt, coiling itself between Darkness’ breasts until Megumin clipped it off. As it was pushed out of her body, Megumin moaned and groaned in an unsexy way that was, nonetheless, kind of hot. After experimenting with anal sex with Kazuma, the feeling of something going in and out of her butt was now linked with pleasure in ways that were embarrassing for her to admit. Darkness took a deep whiff of the feces that had been laid on her chest. The smell was almost unbearably bad.

“Give me more,” said Darkness. “All of it! All of it!”

Darkness positioned her mouth, having already swallowed all of Megumin’s pee, below her butt. A second log came out, moving as smoothly as the first. The end of it touched Darkness’ tongue. The flavor was slightly bitter, but Darkness would be willing to eat worse. She swallowed half of it in one gulp, before opening her mouth for more of Megumin’s thick, unspooling turds. They were sausage-like, with a thick consistency that made them move into Darkness’ throat like rounded brownies. She had already gotten used to the smell. Choking down the taste wasn’t difficult.

“You’re... really eating it,” said Megumin.

“This is true masochism,” said Darkness. “Fill my stomach with your foul, stinking poop! I will devour it all, for it is all I am worthy of in this party!”

Aqua had been watching all of this in abject confusion. She had been trying to wake up Kazuma, and was watching the area to make sure that no other monsters or adventurers interrupted Megumin emptying her bladder and bowels onto Darkness. She was certain that the force and smell of Megumin’s fart had driven away almost anything, living or undead, who would want to get near them.

A thicker, darker strain of poop began to squeeze its way out of Megumin’s butt. The smell was rank, but it was surprisingly healthy. Ever since moving into the mansion, there had been enough food to keep Megumin’s digestion healthy. Darkness gladly opened her mouth, the waste squeezing into her like soft serve ice cream. She gulped it down, waiting for Megumin to pinch off the last of her poop. Another fart expelled itself from Megumin’s ass, and she collapsed onto the ground.

“That was filthy. I loved it,” said Darkness.

“My body and mind are empty,” said Megumin. “And my bowels are itching.”

“Ugh, fine,” said Aqua. “You know the deal. Goddess, holy attribute, purifying water. There’s no bidet out here, so I’ll wash you two down before Kazuma wakes up.”

“Wait, where’s that water coming from?” asked Megumin.

“My squirt and piss. Don’t worry, it’s perfectly clean!” said Aqua with a goofy, upturned smile. She lifted up her skirt to reveal that, as expected, she wasn’t wearing any panties. A patch of light blue pubic hair was visible, shaped like a water droplet just above her vulva.

Aqua had a lot to drink before joining this adventure. She spread her legs and aimed her urethra at Megumin’s ass crack. Adjusting her water pressure like a faucet, Aqua shot her pee, which was pale yellow, almost clear, at Megumin’s butt. It rolled down Megumin’s ass cleavage, cleaning out the residue of her feces, and dropped it onto Darkness’ stomach. Aqua kept going until her bladder was empty. Megumin’s butt was now looking sparkling clean, and she felt refreshed.

“You’re a pretty good bidet goddess,” said Megumin.

“I’m not a bidet goddess!” said Aqua.

Megumin rolled over, leaving only Darkness. She was much messier, her body and face covered with Megumin’s piss and poop, including a large, drying clump in her cleavage. This would require a heavy duty cleaning. Aqua’s squirt was extremely rare, but much more powerful than her urine in terms of healing power. Aqua straddled Darkness’ body, and shoved her fingers in her pussy while playing with her clit, masturbating to her favorite thought.

Herself. The thought of Kazuma and the other party members praising her was Aqua’s favorite masturbation material. “Your breasts are so pretty!” “Your pussy is incredible!” “What a sexy, round butt!” “Please, Aqua, step on me and soak me in your holy water!” “Can I lick your pussy for you? I want nothing else in life.” “If I join Axis, will I be able to be your sex toy all the time?” “Lady Aqua!” “Please, bless me by sitting on my face!” “I love you!”

The more she thought about being praised, the more intensely Aqua masturbated. Nothing made her wetter. As long as they were worshipping her instead of Eris, she would do whatever fetish her followers wanted. Lift an armpit, suck a dick or two, it was all minor in comparison to her being praised. She wanted to be the best at everything. Sex, being a goddess, drinking, and outdoing Eris. Yet it was all a delusion to help her masturbate to wash Darkness down like a dog who had been rolling in the mud.

“I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum! Praise me more! Be blessed by my squirt!” said Aqua.

Aqua clenched her pussy and bent down, spraying a slightly sticky, slightly white jet of girl cum across Darkness’ body. Everything Megumin had dumped on her was washed away. Darkness opened her mouth and gulped down all of Aqua’s cum. It fizzed as it went down her throat, filling her with warm, pleasant feelings. Not what Darkness had been expecting, but she was still being used as a toilet, so it was okay. The poop dissolved on the spot, leaving Darkness’ skin silky smooth and her naked body completely clean.

“I’m pure again... how unfortunate,” said Darkness.

“All that’s left is to wake up Kazuma,” said Aqua.

Aqua walked over to Kazuma, who was fortunately lying face-up. She sat her bubble butt on top of his face, with her dripping pussy just out of reach of his mouth. The odor of her loins coated Kazuma’s face. Instinctively, his tongue came out, licking up the drops of pee and squirt that had gathered on Aqua’s vulva from her intense masturbation. It was enough to wake Kazuma up, but not enough to do away with the lingering stench of Megumin’s toot. Kazuma held his nose as he woke up, pushing Aqua into the grass and away from him.

“We did it!” said Kauzma. “How many Eris do we get for this?”

“Hopefully it’s enough to cover the laundry,” said Megumin. “Kazuma, can you carry me back?”

“Yes, I'm Kazuma. Why do I want to have your foul butt near my face?” asked Kazuma.

“My butt’s completely empty! What else can I do?” said Megumin.

“Darkness... why are you naked? And your skin is so smooth,” said Kazuma.

“Thank you,” said Darkness, blushing.

The unlucky party of adventurers returned to Axel, still smelling rather rank. They were given their money and told to be on their way. The group returned to the mansion, where the four of them soaked in the bath and said nothing to each other. They weren’t sure what to say after an embarrassing mission like that one.

A single bubble rose in the bathtub. It exploded into a geyser of bubbles. Kazuma’s nose immediately recognized the smell. Megumin had farted in the bath. Aqua tried to control the water that was rising towards the ceiling, but found it too unclean for her to deal with. Darkness simply let the water wash down on her, satisfied with how she had been used that afternoon.

From now on, vigilante adventurers would be left up to other groups.