The sunlight that was shining through the blinds was too bright for Rafael and something was caressing his cheek. He opened one eye and saw his whole life right there-- Sonny. He looked beautiful, the way his light brown and greyish locks fell perfectly on his face. Rafael wanted to stay here all day, caressing every part of the younger man’s body, be with the younger man every way he could. And yet, he knows he can’t, he knows he can’t be with him the way he wants because of the way Sonny’s cheeks and nose were still red, the dried tears still on his face.
“What’s your number today, mi cariño?” Rafael rasped, Sonny breathed out slowly and hesitantly he gave his answer, “3” That was not the answer he was looking for, though he didn't let Sonny show his hurt, his sadness.
“Is there anything I can do?” Sonny shakes his head in response, a tear falling down his face.
“I’m a man, right?” There’s so much hurt in his voice, it sounds so tired, so defeated, so scared.
“Of course, of course, you are mi amor. You are much more of a man than I could ever be. You’re so much stronger than me, and hell way manlier than me, by far.”
The young man nods fervently, but tears are coming down his eyes faster than ever and a sob leaves his lips, it's heavy and throaty. Rafael’s chest hurts even more now, a tear slips out of his eye and he just wraps his arms around his boyfriend. “What happened was not your fault whatsoever” his voice was rough and a sob was ready to escape but he stayed strong, “what happened when you were UC was not your fault, you didn’t want to break your cover and I wish it didn’t go that far, I really wish it didn’t, and I apologize for not pulling you out sooner. I do” Rafael cried out as he kept rubbing the shoulder of his love, and kept pulling him even closer. He never wanted him near that man ever again.
“Liv wants you to stay home for a while, and I’ve taken a week or two off, so if you want to go anywhere, just tell me and we can go, or if you want to stay here, we’ll stay here. You tell me whatever you want to do, cariño.” Rafael continues, calming down a bit. He had to be strong for Sonny. He needs to be. He releases Sonny from his hug and Sonny places his head on Rafael’s chest, looking up
“I’ve always wanted to try poutine.” Sonny raps out weakly but there’s a small smile against his lips.
“Montreal?” Rafael asks, and Sonny nods, a bigger smile on his face. That’ll leave a dent in his wallet, but this, anything for his Sonny. “Yeah, we can do that.”
Sonny was being lulled to sleep by the music in his headphones and by his boyfriend stroking his thigh every so often. Rafael was glad that Sonny would be taking a quick nap, the detective surely needed it. He decided to pay for some wifi on the plane to send a quick email to Liv and be somewhat productive despite the flight only being an hour long. He needed something to do, something to take his mind off of what was going on.
Carisi and I are spending a few days in Montreal. We’ll see you back in a week or two.
The email was sent and Rafael sighed, ripped off that band-aid at least, he thought. Now to deal with the other issue at hand, how to help Sonny. It’s crazy to think, he’s dealt with many rape victims and now when that victim is his boyfriend. He sighs, how is he supposed to do this? He opens up his email again and sends another email to Liv.
Sorry, follow up.
How do I do this? Carisi was up all night sobbing, crying, he was breaking down, and all I could do was just hold him. He spent the day just sitting there on the couch, staring at nothing. He would cry every once in a while and I couldn’t touch him. I only held him when he was in the shower, he was trying to scratch and wash his body with really hot water. My baby was screaming and I just held him. He’s hurting and I don’t know what to do. I just want that sonofabitch who did this to him dead. Carisi’s hurting.
Liv, just tell me what to do.
He sent that email, and put on his headphones and falls asleep as well.
When he awakes again, Sonny is shaking him awake. “The plane’s just landed, Rafi.”
Rafael nods, his tiredness caught up to him, he stood up and grabbed the bags from the top, Sonny grabbed his bag from Rafael’s hand and slung it over his shoulder and then locked fingers with Rafael’s free hand.
The hotel they’ve booked is in old town Montreal, going by the name of Auberge Les Bons Mantis. It’s cute as hell, it’s colourful and the opposite of Rafael’s taste in hotels but he wanted this to be about Sonny, about making him feel better. So what that he has to step out of his comfort zone? He loves Sonny too much to be selfish. They get to their room on the second floor, the walls are blue as yellow and the bed is right in the middle of the room, they have a small living area and a bathroom in another room.
“This is amazing, Rafi.” Sonny whispers as he sets his things down, he turns to his boyfriend and hugs him. “Thank you for doing this for me.”
“No problem, mi amor. Te quiero.”
“Te quiero también.”
Sonny looks at Rafael and slowly leans in and initiates the soft kiss. Rafael drops his bags on the floor and Sonny leads them to the edge of the bed. They kiss sitting down on the bed for a while and Sonny decides to get on top of Rafael, sitting on his lap ever so slightly. Rafael’s hands get a kid of their own and he runs his hands down his lover’s shoulders and down his back, then grabbing his butt. Sonny stutters as they kiss and pulls away quickly.
“I’m- I’m sorry. I can’t do that just-“
“No, no forgive me, that was my fault.” Rafael felt bad again.
“We can cuddle if that’s okay with you?” Sonny suggests and Rafael nods, anything he can take he’ll get. He just needs to be close to Sonny.
They lie down on the bed, Sonny in the older man's arms. The two lie like this for a while and the two start drifting, not saying anything, just together in the silence.
His hands are sweating, he doesn’t know how far he’ll get, but he had to try. The music was loud and god he’d probably have hearing problems if it wasn’t for the earpiece he had on. He was dressed, well not his usual self. Sonny was wearing a cropped sleeveless shirt and tight skinny jeans, he wasn’t comfortable in this attire but this was the only way they’d catch their perp. This man killed and raped many young males in clubs spanning from Staten Island to the Bronx.
Amanda was close by, she was sitting at the bar while Sonny was navigating through the dance floor. Fin was at the edge of the dance floor blending in and watching Sonny as well. A small little mosh and started when another song came on and Sonny was stuck in the middle losing sight of both detectives. Bodies were pushing up against him and it suddenly became too hot, someone grabbed his hand, it was a man, much older than him but much bigger than him.
“Seems like you need out of this?” The man asked Sonny, the detective nodded, if this guy was trying to help him, then let him. He couldn’t think of what was wrong about what the man was doing, he was freaking out and there was a white noise in his ear. He was pulled out of the crowd and thanked the man but the latter wouldn’t let go.
“Hey, hey hey, I did that for you now you gotta do something for me, no? That’s only fair.” It seemed like Sonny snapped out of his daze, but only for a second, and in that second he realized it was Him. This was that serial rapist. He fits the description witnesses had been giving. Suddenly, Sonny wants to scream but he can’t because the guy has already dragged him into a broom closet.
“Now, you don’t have to do this-” his plea was cut off by the man’s hand on his mouth. “If you don’t talk, I’ll make it easy for you.”
So Sonny did that, when the man's hand was removed from his mouth, he was pushed against the wall of the janitorial closet. The man pulled Sonny’s pants down, and Sonny flinched, tears falling down his flustered face. The Perp chuckled as he looked down at Sonny’s crotch, “Oh, wow! My boy here’s actually a woman! A pretty one in fact.” He grabbed Sonny with his hand and started sobbing. He can’t, he can’t.
“Please- Please don’t-” Sonny was smacked with the man’s other hand and pulled his own pants down. He lifted the helpless detective up by his legs and forced himself inside Sonny. The young man was crying, sobbing, and he was basically defenceless, he couldn’t do anything in fear of the large man harming him. The man kept calling Sonny “baby girl” and that really did it for Sonny. He never really wanted death more than right at that moment.
What seemed like hours of this nightmare, ended abruptly when the door to the closet was busted open and Sonny cried the only word that seems to come to his mind, “Rafi”.