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English
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Published:
2018-11-02
Completed:
2019-01-03
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18,900
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7/7
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Kiss The Rain

Summary:

So Twitter user @hoseokfucker420 suggested a trope where Namjoon was a literally mess of a human and my girl @katesentance wanted Tae to look after this tol gangly baby.

OR

Kim Namjoon is a magnet to chaos and bad luck. Most people are repelled by this. Kim Taehyung is not most people <3

Chapter Text

Joon: Okay, so don’t hate me. But I’m gonna be late.

Yoons: *Sigh* What did you do?

Joon: DON’T JUDGE ME! I CAN FEEL YOU JUDGING ME.

Yoons: I don’t even know what you did?

Yoons: Tell me and I’ll decide if judgement is necessary.

Joon: So… I might of maybe dyed all my clothes pink INCLUDING my uniform and I’m too shy to come to work in a fluorescently pink polo shirt, not that my masculinity is fragile but I’M fragile and like being the only person there wearing highlighter damn pink will make ME go highlighter damn pink and then I might be crying and that will make me even more red and HELP.

Yoons: …

Yoons: I thought you weren’t in work until tomorrow?

Joon: …huh?

Yoons: Pretty sure you have class on Tuesdays.

Joon: …

Yoons: You forgot, didn’t you?

Joon: HOLY FUCK BALLS BATMAN.

Yoons: You say that ever again, you’re fired.

Joon: I’M 20 MINS LATE TO MY MIDTERM YOONGI THIS IS NOT FUNNY!

Yoons: Fucking hell. Get dressed you absolute melon, I’ll pick you up!

Joon: Yeah…shit yeah, clothes. On it!

Joon: djlkfs--8

Joon: I fell…

Joon: Just a bruise.

Yoons: AISH. Slow down.

 

For more reasons than one, Namjoon loved it when Summer crumbled into Autumn days. The world was a rainbow. Some trees were crimson flames and others clouds of amber. Autumn had a warm melancholy attached to its name. One that the barista very much identified with.

Kim Namjoons life wasn’t the worst. He knew that.

He had a steady job, an amazing best friend and a scholarship to the most prestigious art school in Seoul. The problem wasn’t the fundamentals of Namjoons life. The problem was him.

Namjoon was…kind of a mess. He had a mind that moved a thousand miles an hour and that meant that everything around him would be forgotten before it had even properly emerged. In the back of his mind, he knew he had class on Tuesdays, problem was, his mind was on Wednesday already.

He abandoned the pile of pink polos and pyjama pants on his sofa, grabbed his messenger bag (prepacked by Jin) and wrapped the rope around his leather-bound journal, before barrelling down the concrete stairs of his apartment block.

It was only when he stumbled out of the main doors and into the outside, that Namjoon realised he stood coatless in a gale.

Yoongi sighed from his car and screamed out from his open window. “GET THE FUCK IN YOU MELON! YOU CAN BORROW MINE!”

/

Namjoon was waddling into the exam hall forty minutes late. His boots were squelching from his impromptu run through the worlds widest puddle, and Yoongi’s thick bomber jacket was comically short on his gangly arms. He had begged his professor to retake the test, an audio exam for his Music Production major. He begged him almost on his knees for it, but the old man refused, raising a bushy white brow.

“Mr Kim, you have retaken four out of the six exams this term already, I’m afraid its too late and you will receive a zero.”

Namjoon’s heart plummeted. Suddenly, Autumn didn’t seem so pretty anymore.

“Sir, please…” he whispered, hugging his journal to his chest, his round rimmed glasses fogging from the warmth of the heater. The barista dipped his head, a sigh heavy in his chest.

The man sighed and placed a weary hand on Namjoon’s shoulder. “I’m sorry Namjoon. You’re one of the most talented students I’ve ever taught. But for it to be fair, it has to always be fair. I’ve made so many exceptions for you Namjoon, but I can’t anymore. At some point it has to stop.”

“No…I mean yes. Yes…thank you Sir.”

/

Namjoon decided to walk it home… use that time to clear his head. He took a shortcut through the temple gardens. Now the wind had died down it was the most perfect autumn day. The birds shook off their feathers and took flight, the wind crisp as it whispered through the leaves. They chattered upon its arrival, like the branches had secrets. Namjoon wondered how old they were, how many people had loved and lost under these trees.

He wondered these things a lot.

Some would call him a dreamer, Yoongi would call him dopey.

Affectionately, of course.

He didn’t wanna go home yet, or face the harsh reality of his ruined wardrobe and failed exam. He wanted to be here, nestled in the crook of the willow tree… dreaming.

Carefully, he unwound his journal, plucked the pen from behind his ear and started to scrawl a mess of words on paper.

“When it rains it pours, on the pavement on the walls… of this house that closes in around me,

But when the sun does shine, it shines so bright and all its love and its light surrounds me.”

Namjoon smiled, inhaled a deep calming breath and closed his eyes. He lifted his face to the sky and bathed in the warmth of dusk. It felt good to be alone out here. He felt free.

But no person was meant to be alone forever.

His eyes fluttered open, gaze dropping to the bruise that was blooming on his forearm. He raised it to his mouth, pushed his lips there and thought about how nice it would be to have someone that would brush kisses against these war wounds.

But, he understood.

Namjoon was a romantic like anyone, but he was also a logical man with the IQ of a near genius. He was aware of his own shortcomings. There was a list as long as his limbs.

Namjoon was a good person, but difficult to be around. It was constant trauma, bad days, fixed only by a pint of icecream and a long cry about how Menma’s death was just not fair.

Ghibli films were perfect for those moments.

As a rule, people were not. Granted he would call Yoongi all sniffly afterward, peel him away from Jimin for a forced cuddle session. Jimin was a doe-eyed angel, who’d told him countless times that he didn’t mind, but seeking comfort from Yoongi, (or anyone else for that matter) always came with a helping of guilt. It made Joon feel like the dark cloud in front of the sun, and people usually ended up leaving him because: ‘you’re just not what I thought you’d be’ or ‘you don’t make me happy’.

Still, he was human, and having someone to wipe his tears and rock him to sleep, would be so selfishly soothing.

His mind had been lost for so long, he didn’t realise that the clouds had gathered once more over the sky, not until a fat droplet splashed down on his forehead and by then, it was too late.

The downpour came so quickly it could’ve given him whiplash, and Namjoon was stuck under the partial cover of the willow leaves in a too small coat with no hood. Really, he had two choices. Brave the rain and the prospect of a caught cold, or stay put, waste his time and wait it out.

He opted for the latter.

He stood below the tree, his arms wrapped protectively over his journal and watched the rain fall over the field of snowdrops before him, so lost in his thought he didn’t notice wet foot steps and the figure that had arrived like a ghost beside him.

“Hey.”

Namjoon flinched, a hand over his rapidly beating heart. “Holy shit!” he breathed.

The man chuckled all throaty. His face didn’t match his voice, the timbre deep and silky. His face was… so ridiculously beautiful it made Namjoon want to cover his own with a bag. It was so very pure. And he smiled a boxy smile, that squished his pretty chocolate eyes into pretty chocolate arches.  “I scared you.” he stated, cocking his head like a wet puppy.

Namjoon shook his head. “No-no I just…I was just…”

“You know…hiding out under a tree isn’t the safest. With the lightning strikes and all.”

The barista blanched, oh…he had a damn good point there. “Then why did you risk venturing under the death tree?” he murmured curiously.

The man shrugged. “You’re cute. If we’re all gonna go sometime, why not be struck down while flirting with a cute guy? I love your glasses by the way!” he pushed them back up Namjoon’s nose with his index finger.

The elder dipped his head, trying to hide the flush of colour creeping up his neck. Then that voice came again, sending shivers down his spine. “Oh…I’m sorry, are you…like not into that? Guys? Aish, I’m sorry, Chim is always telling me I should ask before I just…you know.”

“Uh, Chim? Is that your boyfriend?” Namjoon asked, scratching the back of his neck.

The other snorted. “No…no, I love him a whole bunch, he’s my best friend in the entire world but…no, we’re not like that. I mean we sucked each other off once but like…”

Namjoon blinked. The other’s eyes widened when he realised what he just said. And Namjoon threw back his head and laughed. Loud and clear. He felt the tension, that was so deeply embedded in his muscle and sinew, dissolving as he chuckled. The stresses of his day fading into the background.

This was a magic man, he was sure of it.

He hiccupped to a stop, a little bashful of his outburst. It’s okay Namjoon, be cool, you can swing this.

“My name is Namjoon…” he breathed, thrusting out his hand and striking the stranger hard in the chin by accident. “Aish! Shit! I’m so so sorry!” he fumbled up to help.

“It’s okay!” the other chuckled. “I’m okay, don’t worry.” Namjoon rocked back on his heels, lips pouted. Idiot. “I’m Taehyung by the way… first year, Art Major.” He took Namjoon’s hand, gentle, soothing, but instead of shaking it, he held it steady in his lap. Palm up. His fingers tracing the lines.

“Y-You’re an artist?”

He smiled. “In training… what about you?”

Goosebumps. “Music production…”

That’s seemed to light something in Taehyung’s eyes. A thousand little string lights wrapping the orbs like a band of stars. “You make songs?”

“I do.”

“That’s so cool, Hyung. Can I call you that?”

“S-Sure.”

“What kinda songs do you make?”

“Mostly classical, piano stuff. My best friend and boss helps me with the actual piano part…but, I write some rap and ballads too.”

Taehyung traced his life line with his fingertips, his dampened hair clinging to his forehead. “Hm…” There was a short silence, where there was nothing but the rain and the off-chance squeal of mirth in the far distance. “If you were to choose the perfect song to describe this moment, what would it be?”

“Yiruma- Kiss The Rain.”

Tae’s eyes caught Namjoon’s in a gaze. It held something there, the elder could have sworn it was a spark…just for him. “Have you ever?”

“Um…huh?”

“Have you ever kissed the rain?”

There was something that happened in that moment, something that captivated Namjoon, had him spellbound. “I…I’m not sure its possible. But it’s a pretty concept?”

“We should test it.”

“Wh-What?”

Tae beamed, dumped his backpack by the foot off the tree, stretching his arms up to the branches. He looked back at Namjoon, impish smile plastered over a pretty face as he stepped out into the heavy rain.

Namjoon gasped and stumbled on his feet, dropping his journal next to his bag. “Taehyung!” he yelled. “Come back here! You’ll freeze.”

But the younger just smiled, closed his eyes and tipped his head back, letting it pour rivers over his cheeks, his jaw…his neck.

Namjoon tried not to stare…but it was damn near impossible. This guy, a guy he barely knew…he was crazy, he was too familiar. He was so fucking beautiful.

He drew Namjoon out from the shadows and into the light of day. Into the rain with Taehyung.

The younger didn’t open his eyes or even move when Namjoon settled in front of him. He didn’t move. He kept his lips puckered to the sky… a droplet clinging to the plush pink skin of his bottom lip.

Kiss the rain…Kiss the-

  Tae lowered his head and opened his eyes, eyes that burned brighter than the sun. A smile dimpled his face and that droplet clung for dear life. Namjoon couldn’t have blamed it for not wanting to leave. He’d bet his last Ryan figure that those lips were still warm.

It was so close…. he was so close. And the droplet trembled…it-

RING!

The shrill sound of a phone had Namjoon jumping back, heart skipping a beat. Shit. Shitshitshit. Tae, however, just smiled. Grinned like the cat with the cream and jogged over to the trees, rummaging in his bag and pulling out the offending device. Namjoon went with him, like someone just pulled from a dream. He caught the tail end of the conversation.

“…anything. Yeah…no, I can come now, don’t worry. Mhm…okayyyy! Annyeon!”

There was a beat, Namjoon just stared at the back of Taehyung’s head. Then the head had eyes, and he averted his, glasses all speckled with rain drops.

“That was my boss…gotta go into work early. Apparently, I’m in high demand.” he smiled, and Namjoon was entirely impressed that a first-year student had the idea to get a job. He was surviving on ramen and prayers in his first year.

“Yeah… okay…”

Tae smiled warmly and shoved an arm through his backpack. He scooped Namjoon’s closed journal off the ground and handed it to him. “Will I see you around Hyung?”

“Yeah. I would think so.”

“Daebak.” He shot him a quirky little thumbs up and began to jog away through the downpour.

“TAEHYUNG!” Namjoon blurted. The younger skidded to a stop…surprised, and turned his head. “I do!” he called. “I like boys!”

Tae smirked. “Yeah? I think I got that, Hyung.”

/

When Namjoon entered his apartment, a trail of water following in his wake, he didn’t expect Yoongi to be there. Jimin curled over him and straddling his lap.

But nor was he really surprised. He coughed. Jimin pulled back with a loud smack, breathless. “Oh…Hi Namjoonie-hyung!” he blushed.

Yoongi was unperturbed. “Damn Joon, what the fuck happened.”

“It’s raining.”

“No shit? I meant what happened with the test.”

“Oh…yeah. Fucked it. Failed. A zero.”

Jimin’s brow furrowed. “Oh, hyung... are you okay?”

Yoongi too sat himself up straighter. His eyes passing over him, searching. “You need to watch Ghibli?” he mumbled, narrow eyes falling finally on his.

Namjoon shook his head. “Actually…I think I’m alright.”

/

Later, the three snoozed on the sofa, Jimin’s feet in Namjoon’s lap, his head nestled in Yoongi’s.  The elder’s fingers were still buried in his lover’s golden blonde locks. Yoongi’s lips were parted, his head fallen onto Namjoons shoulder, as the barista scribbled into his journal.

Feather light fingers, a new-fangled brain.

And rose bud lips that kissed the rain.

Chapter 2

Summary:

In which Joon is a mopey bean who spills coffee on an angry customer. And in which Taehyung jumps to his rescue.

Chapter Text

Namjoon couldn’t wipe Taehyung from his mind. The way he smiled, the inquisitive flutter of his thick lashes…or how his pupils expanded when they dropped to Namjoon’s lips in that building storm.

The problem was, he hadn’t seen the boy since. He was half convinced that he was a figment of his imagination. The other half of him had a disgusting cold to tell him otherwise.

On day four with the cold waning, Namjoon gave in and padded into the front room. Yoongi had barely looked up from his phone when the taller had plonked down beside him, squishing his cheek to his chest.

For a second, Yoongi let his hands hover in Namjoon’s peripherals, brow furrowed. Then he let one drop onto his upper back, he squeezed. “Whassup?” he mumbled.

Namjoon pouted. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone. “Fine.”

“Except…”

Yoongi sighed. “Will you make your mind up?”

“UGH!” Namjoon slapped Yoongi’s thigh as he sat up, the elder’s eyes wide like a deer in the headlights.  “BUT THAT’S IT! I CAN’T MAKE MY MIND UP. IS HE REAL, WAS HE FLIRTING? HIS PUPILS YOONGI! THEY DIALATED!”

Yoongi blinked as Namjoon headbutted the back of the chair. “Uh- you might need to give me more to work with.”

“Imetaman.” Namjoon murmured into the wool.

“You what?”

“I met a man.”

“Okay?”

“He was beautiful.”

“Right?”

“And he loves music and makes art and tried to kiss the rain for me.”

A beat. “What kinda rom-com shit happened to you last night?”

“Yoongi…I love him.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’ve known him for like a day at most? This aint some K-drama man, its real life.”

Namjoon scowled. “If you wanna talk about K-Drama, let’s talk about you and Jimin.”

“…Well shit, you got me there.”

Namjoon sighed. Twiddled the top of his water bottle. “What you got your coat on for?”

Yoongi shrugged. “I was gonna meet Minnie, in like ten minutes… but if you need me here Namjoon-ah.”

Ah, there it was, the lump of guilt constantly lodged in his throat. Because Yoongi looked so sincere in that moment, willing to give up every happiness to see Joon smile. And Jimin the sweetest summer child, who would agree just to see his man and Joon at peace. So, he shook his head. “No…no I’m okay really. Just a bit put out.” He sighed. “Besides, I’ve got some writing to do, and Jin-hyung’s coming this evening. I promised to help him write a monologue for his acting classes.”

“And you’re covering Hobi’s shift in like…twenty-five minutes.” A silence. “You know…so he can perform in the exact showcase that Jimin is about to perform in?”

Namjoon slapped a hand over his face and groaned. “Oh, fuck I forgot. And I promised him too.”

“Namjoonie…listen, I’ll do the shift if you-”

“No! Nonono! You go! I’ll text Jin and ask to push the study session back a little. I should be able to get hone fifteen minutes after the original time.”

“Namjoon.”

“I’m fine. I promise.”

The elder sighed and pushed himself to his feet. “You’re a stubborn asshole. Make sure you eat something. There’s a new polo waiting for you at work.”

“Kay.”

“And close that cap properly, before you spill it all over the place.”

“Kay.”

“What was this guys name by the way?” Yoongi murmured, intrigued, as he grabbed his keys from the pot.

“Oh… Taehyung.”

CLUNK.

Namjoon flinched as Yoongi dropped his keys to the laminate. “Hyung?”

“Nothing! They just slipped! Bye Namjoonie!” the door slammed shut behind him. Namjoon, confused by his antics, had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. But he would worry about that later. He had a long, exhaustive evening ahead.

He remembered to eat. He didn’t remember the lid. And now there was a wad of soggy kitchen towel in the waste paper bin. Yoongi would roll his eyes when he found it.

/

The Coffee Corner was always quieter this time of night, to Namjoon’s relief. Just a few stragglers, studying students and haughty business men avoiding the return home to their wives. Which meant Namjoon had time to write between customers.

There was muffled music when the bell chimed upon his entrance. A stressed looking student with her earplugs in, scribbling lazily on one of her six open books by the steam blurred window.

She sat on one of the worn in leather couches, seeming far too comfy to do any real work, her palm always steady on her cup. Namjoon thought that if that were him, he would have sloped into the land of slumber and face planted the beech wood table.

Over the right side of the room was a middle-aged man in a stiff grey suit. His phone to his ear, his coffee cooling as he screamed into the receiver.

Namjoon swerved him.

Just before he ducked under the hatch, he noticed a regular, huddled in the corner, his hair ratty and streaked with grey.  Daejung was left on the streets as a child and had grown up there, even after returning from war he remained on the pavements of Seoul. He came into Coffee Corner for the warmth and kind faces.

And Namjoon would give him coffee and conversation. He wished upon every star that one day he’d be able to help Daejung with more than anecdotes and beverages. But Daejung seemed grateful nonetheless.

“Don’t worry.” Hobi murmured, Joon startling and turning toward him. “He’s had some soup and toast.”

Namjoon nodded, his brow still furrowed as Daejung snoozed against the window.

“Yah, you’re too sweet Namjoonie.”

The barista blushed and shrugged his shoulders. “Good luck with your showcase tonight Hobi.” he willed his lips to tug up into a smile. “I know you’ll be amazing.”

Hobi’s wide smile dissolved. “Yeah…your new work shirt is in the back. Hey Namjoonie?”

Namjoon looked up. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay… you seem gloomy.”

Joon smiled kindly. “I’ll be fine Hobi-ah.”

“If you need to-“

“Uh-uh no, absoloutley not.” He opened the hatch and grabbed Hobi’s wrist, tugging him towards the door. “You are not missing your show case because of my pathetic moping.”

“Namjoon…”

“Go…have fun, and make Yoongi take lots of videos.”

The dancer sighed, pulled Namjoon into a warm, tight hug. “Have a good shift, Woobin will lock up tonight.” He pulled back, letting his fingers ruffle Namjoon’s hair affectionately. “Look after yourself Namjoon. We worry about you.”

Hobi left him with a smile, and Namjoon watched him disappear into the dying sun.

/

Namjoon’s shift started off unbelievably mundane. The student resumed her half studying, the man in the suit hissed in an endless stream down the receiver, and Daejung remained curled against the brick wall, snuffling in his sleep.

And so, Namjoon had time to write. He scripted two rough verses for his duet with Yoongi, but they were all disjointed and he kept flipping back to his unfinished poem.

His fingers ran the cursive indents despondently. “Feather-like fingers, a new-fangled brain. And rosebud lips that kissed the rain.” he mumbled.

A hand slapped down on the counter before him, jolting him out of his reverie. The man in the stiff grey suit was glaring at him. “When you’ve finished doing just about nothing, I would like a cappuccino.” he snapped. “Or is this not a coffee shop?”

He shut his journal, his cheeks burning ruby with shame. “N-no…I mean yes! I- I uh I mean…” he took a breath. “I’m sorry Sir, coming right up.”

The elder scoffed and threw a couple of Won at Namjoon. He calmed himself, eyes fluttering shut and gathered the notes together. He cashed them in, he began to prepare the order.

As he placed the finished cup on its side plate, a figure caught his attention from the corner of his eyes.

Daejung was winding his scarf back around his neck, preparing himself for a night in the open air. Namjoon’s heart pinched for the man, his lip jutting out and before he ducked under the hatch, he grabbed a ginger and lemongrass muffin from behind the glass case.

As Daejung slid out from behind his booth, Namjoon approached and held out the muffin for him to take. “To keep you warm.” he explained.

A sigh escaped the elder’s lips. “Thank you very much Namjoon-ah. You’re an angel.”

With the doorbell chiming, the barista shook his head, lips curved in a kind smile. “Don’t worry about it. Stay safe tonight, Hyung.”

Namjoon turned, tea cup in hand and instantly collided with something solid, the cup jerking, liquid spilling. A grey suit was now stained brown. Namjoon gasped as the cup crashed to the floor, the customer shrieked.

“YOU IDIOT!” he roared. “This suit is probably worth more than your whole family!”

“Suh-sir, I’m so sorry!”

“Get me another! Now! And I want it free of charge, you stupid boy!” Behind him, the student unplugged her earphones and the newcomers bristled. Then a frail voice came from next to Namjoon. Daejung.

“Excuse me, but I belive he apologised and…”

“And I do not speak to low down gutter trash such as yourself.”

An anger, white hot, bubbled up in Namjoon’s heart. But he kept his cool, if anything for Yoongi’s sake, he didn’t want his friend to lose his good reputation. “Sir, I think you should leave.”

“I am not leaving without a full refund.”

“Sir. He told you to leave.” A new voice came from behind him, low and rumbling, sending shivers in troves down Namjoon’s neck. He was suddenly gaze to gaze with chocolate brown eyes, that fluttered prettily in recognition.

“Hyung?”

“Taehyung?”

The younger laughed. “What’s a handsome guy like you doing in a place like this.”

The furious customer scoffed. “Faggots.”

Namjoon flinched, he watched the change in Taehyung’s eyes. The joy melded into something cold and expressionless. And before anyone could blink, he had that asshole by his collar.

“Kim Taehyung! Put that prick down.” Namjoon would know the bored sounding drawl of Yoongi’s voice anywhere.

Wait…Kim-But he…and Yoongi...

Namjoon’s head was spinning.

Reluctantly, Taehyung dropped the man and he was pulled with Jimin behind Yoongi’s back. “Do we have a problem here?” Yoongi raised a brow, clearly uninterested.

“You are damn right there is a problem!” he bellowed. “This place is a sham! Employees dousing me in coffee, tramps taking up valuable space, faggotry happening before my eyes! I wish to speak to the manager!”

“That would be me.”

“Good! I want a full refund and a free coffee! And I will not leave without it.”

Yoongi clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Sir, are you suffering from second or third- degree burns?”

“No.”

“Then get the fuck out of my coffee shop.”

Namjoon widened his eyes and the female student whooped from the couches. He met her eyes and she shot him a toothy grin, clapping excitedly.

The man grabbed his bag, his face crimson with fury. “Expect a strongly worded review!” he called from the door way.

“Oh, I look forward to it.” Yoongi murmured, dropping into a nearby seat as the door slammed shut.

/

“You know Taehyung.”

“I know Taehyung.”

A beat. “HOW?!” Namjoon hissed.

Yoongi shrugged. “He’s Minnie’s best friend.”

“No!” Namjoon jabbed his finger toward his friend. “No! His best friend is called-“

“Chim? Yeah, he calls him Chim-Chim. Kinda cute actually.”

Namjoon’s mouth was agape. Yoongi patted his cheek. “Four hot chocolates when you’re ready Namjoon-ah. Hobi should be here soon. Try not to spill them.” He raised a brow. “Though I bet you’d love the chance to pat Tae down.”

Namjoon shoved him out from behind the counter and busied his shaking hands with the drinks. Hobi arrived in the minutes between, still a little dishevelled, he was waving to Namjoon and gathering Jimin in a victory hug. Namjoon lay all the mugs of artfully creamed and sprinkled cocoa on a little timber tray. Complete with triple chocolate curls.

He carried them over with upmost care, determined not to embarrass himself in front of Kim Taehyung yet again.

He handed him his drink, still refusing to look him in the eyes. But Tae held it up to his eye line, he appreciated it like it was a sort of sculpture carved by Michelangelo. “This is gorgeous, Hyung.” he beamed.

Namjoon chuckled, a little too manically. Yoongi smirked over his mug. “You know, Namjoonie brings in a lot of adoring fans. They tell me how handsome he is. What do you think Taehyung?”

He was going to physically kill Min Yoongi. “Very handsome.” Tae winked at Joon, who covered his face with his hands.

Because he honestly couldn’t handle looking at any of them right now.  “I’m sure Joon is keen to show his ah… ‘appreciation’, after you came in like a white knight and saved him Taehyung.” Yoongi teased.

“Shut up.” Namjoon pouted.

“Oh Namjoonie…I know its HARD for you to admit.”

“Oh no…” he groaned. Taehyung eyed him with that same curiosity that he had under the willow tree. Tilting his head, oblivious to Yoongi’s double meaning.

“And I’m sure your bravery BLEW Namjoon away.”

Jimin giggled. Hobi snorted. Namjoon groaned. “I hate you.”

“Well then…” Jimin cut in. “Perhaps he should RIDE with Taehyung to class each morning.” He winked. “And I’ll RIDE with my man.”

Yoongi took a sharp breath, his eyes blown dark. “Fuck.”

Taehyung turned his eyes to Yoongi, blinking them back into focus. “Huh? Did you burn yourself Hyung? You should be careful. It’s super hot.”

Aish.

/

After a gentle nudge from Yoongi, Namjoon had remembered his study session with Jin, and had made it home breathless but on time.

People assumed that it was impossible to be platonically close with an ex-flame. And Namjoon could see their logic. Too much history, too much intimacy. Jin was an exception.

Jin was the one boyfriend he had that never treated him like shit after they broke it off. Still coming over to pack him lunches and make sure he had everything sorted for the next day. Kim Seokjin was uncommonly kind, but romantically…it just didn’t work out. And that was okay.

They were much better as friends anyway.

Namjoon rounded off the final line of the finished monologue, lowering the paper, timid. “Obviously, it will sound a lot prettier when you say it.”

“That’s true.” Jin conceded, from where he lay, propped up against Namjoon’s pillows. “But it’s still pretty as is.”

“Thank you for the backhanded compliment.” Namjoon chuckled.

“You’re welcome!” Jin was bright as he pushed himself up-right. “So…are you gonna tell me what’s going on in your little egg-head, or am I gonna have to poke it out of you?” he prodded Namjoon’s thigh with his toe.

Namjoon folded the paper and tucked it in Seokjin’s backpack. “It’s nothing.”

“You told me that as you were choking on my dick and passed out.”

Namjoon groaned, falling back against the maroon sheets. “That was one time.”

“It happened at least three. Now spill.”

Namjoon pressed his lips together and stared at the stars stuck up on his ceiling. Jin was one of the most popular guys on campus. If he needed scoop on Tae, Jin was the place to get it.

“Do you know…Kim Taehyung?”

“Thin lips or pretty smile?”

“Pretty smile.”

“Art major. Yeah, a sweet little thing and as gay as Christmas. He’s one of those kids who’re really good at making people love them without even trying. What of him? Are you replacing me already?”

“Its been a year Hyung…and besides, no one can replace you.”

“Flattery. You’re a shrewd man Kim Namjoon, but it’s working. So, go on, what do you wanna know?”

“Is-Is he single?”

“Oh. Oh Namjoonie, I don’t think so. Rumour has it he’s seeing a freshman, Jeon Jungkook. Octuple threat, super cute, has a baby face.”

“Oh…”

Jin reached down and carded his hair, lip jutted out in empathetic misery. “You okay sweetheart?”

“Yeah… it’s just so frustrating.”

“I know.”

“You’d think it would be easier to find love, with all these apps and social medias but like. All people ever want is a quick fix or a pretty boy to show off like a prize. Why is it so hard for me just to find a real connection, for someone to be affectionate with me? Its not FAIR. Yoongi got it. Jimin is a literal angel and they look at each other like they hung the damn moon. Why can’t I get that? Is there something wrong with me?”

“Absoloutley not.”

“But-but I know living with me can be-“

“Namjoon.” Jin covered his mouth with his whole hand. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

The younger let out a long breath. “Kay.”

“Not that you need one, but you will find a man. Anyone would be lucky to have you. But if you’re feeling lonely and Yoongi isn’t on hand, you could always hire a cuddle buddy?”

Namjoon’s brow crinkled. “Huh?”

“You hire them. They come and cuddle with you, watch movies, talk…”

“Isn’t that a little…desperate.”

“Namjoon, you’re lonely, they’re lonely. It’s basically a fuck buddy without the fucking.”

“Ughhh.”

Jin swatted him. “Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

“Hmph. Fine”

/

Jin helped him download the CuddleBud app and set up a profile. He went under the pseudonym BlueJoon94. Jin’s choice.

But apart from that, Joon left his account untouched.

The idea went whizzing around his head time and time again. He lay spread like a starfish on the mattress staring into his own space, suspicious giggling happening through the wall.

He rolled onto his side, thumb hovering over the little icon.

It couldn’t hurt to look, right?

He tapped. It loaded and straight away he sorted it by rating, highest to lowest.

Namjoon hummed. The top ‘cuddler’ went by the alias ‘StarryNight95’. He wondered if he new that was a Van Gogh painting, or if he just chose it to be cute. Either way, the reviews were undeniable. People praised everything from his looks to the way he talked, and all insisted he made them feel secure.

That was the part that piqued Namjoon’s interest. A quick glance at his stats told him he was young, gay and lived in Seoul.

Namjoon opened a new conversation. Talking was talking, he didn’t need to feel pressured, yet he mulled over his first scentence for eight or nine minutes before typing.

BlueJoon94: Hey, I’m new and scared. Please help me.

Surprisingly, it only took fifteen minutes for his phone to ping.

StarryNight94: Hey newcomer! Don’t be scared, I’ll take care of you. What do you need to know?

 

 

Chapter 3

Summary:

Namgi are cute, Yoongi is whipped and StarryNight95 is the sweetest pumpkin pie. SOFT SOFT SOFT CUDDLES AHEAD.

Chapter Text

BlueJoon94: Oh.

StarryNight95: Is that your question lol?

BlueJoon94: Nonono!

StarryNight95: I’m sensing you’re nervous.

BlueJoon94: No.

 

BlueJoon94: Maybe a little.

StarryNight95: Why so serious?

BlueJoon94: Your eerie Batman references are really not helping the cause.

StarryNight95: Hm, I know, I’m just teasing.

StarryNight95: I promise I won’t murder you.

BlueJoon94: Aren’t these conversations monitored? Are your employers happy for you to quote creepy villains while using their app?

StarryNight95: I make them so much money, I don’t think they care to be honest.

BlueJoon94: A man on top, huh?

StarryNight95: …

BlueJoon94: Oh god…

StarryNight95: I CACKLE.

BlueJoon94: I DIDN’T MEAN LIKE…

BlueJoon94: Oh god!

StarryNight95: I’m crying. Aish. You’re so cute.

BlueJoon94: I don’t even know how to respond to that.

StarryNight95: Hey…you know what I just realised?

BlueJoon94: ???

StarryNight95: Well you’re BlueJoon, like ‘blue moon’ right? And I’m StarryNight. Together, we’re the whole night sky. Feels almost like fate, huh?

 

StarryNight95: Hey? You still there?

BlueJoon94: When can we meet? 

StarryNight95: Woah, I thought you were nervous?

BlueJoon94: I am.

BlueJoon94: But that was one of the prettiest things anyone has ever said to me so…if like… I’m allowed to snuggle you for a couple of hours that would be real nice, and I would apricate it. Even if you were being payed for it.

StarryNight95: If it helps, that was one of the sweetest propositions I’ve ever had. So yes, I would love that. I’m off work for tonight, but how would you feel about tomorrow?

BlueJoon94: Tomorrow is good! Around 3:30pm? I think I can get my roommate out of the house by then.

StarryNight95: Perfect, book in on the little thingy below and the company will text me your address.

BlueJoon94: Okay…

StarryNight95: Hey…

BlueJoon94: Yeah?

StarryNight95: Don’t be nervous. I’ll look after you.

BlueJoon94: Kay. Thank you.

StarryNight95: Sleep well, sweet dreams!

BlueJoon94: You too…

 

Joon clicked off his screen, dropping his phone next to his head. The giggling had stopped next door, the other two must be sleeping by now, he thought languidly.

He pressed his fingers to his own lips and found a smile there. The first time he smiled since the night he found out that Kim Taehyung was off the market.

Just a week ago everything seemed hopeless. Like one big, shitty, ongoing cycle. It passed his mind that maybe he was easily pleased, if a twenty-minute conversation with a perfect stranger could get him so giddy.

But as he looked up at his makeshift galaxy of stick on stars and paper planets, a starry night really did sound like the most beautiful thing in this world.

Or beyond it for that matter.

 

/

Yoongi was aware of Namjoons excessive clumsiness, but he was also a stickler for knowing when something was up.

And after his fourth burn from his coffee mug, the shattered remains on the floor, he sat a bashful Joon on the sofa and forced him to look into his eyes.

“What? What’s wrong?” he sighed.

Namjoon blinked, is eyes dropping to the thread loose on the seam of the pillow he clutched.  “Why would something be wrong?”

Yoongi glared. “How long have we lived together Namjoon?”

“…Years.”

“How well do I know you?”

“Very.”

“Exactly. Spill.”

Yoongi plonked himself down on their coffee table and Joon knew he wouldn’t let this go. A dog with a damn bone when he got started.  The younger sighed. “You’ll laugh at me. It’s stupid.”

“I won’t.”

Namjoon scoffed. “Yeah…okay.”

“Namjoon.” The younger lifted his head, saw the sincerity burn in his friend’s eyes. “I won’t laugh at you.”

And that’s why Namjoon loved Min Yoongi. He had the ability to tease him for his mistakes, but he knew exactly when and where it was appropriate. So, whenever the time should come that Namjoon would need his full support, he would be there. He was lucky that Yoongi was too stubborn to leave his side. Truly lucky.

“I don’t know how to explain it without you thinking I’m…weird.”

“When have I not thought you were weird?”

A beat. “This is true.”

“Namjoon, just tell me.” he sighed. “If anyone aint gonna blink twice, it’s me.”

Namjoon figured he was annoyingly right as always, and he pushed himself upright. Hugging his fluffy throw pillow to his chest. “So… I found out Taehyung may not be available.”

“Really?” Yoongi raised a brow. “Why not?”

“He’s dating some freshman. Jungkook?”

Yoongi hummed. “Ah yeah… I’d bash him brutally for you, but he’s actually a really good guy.”

“Hyuuung…”

“Yah! Stop whining, carry on…”

“ANYWAY. You’re really great hyung, like you’re really good to me and Jimin is so kind and patient when I get all sad and cling to you. I felt bad for it.”

“Namjoonie…you don’t have to-“

“I know.” Namjoon murmured, placing a palm on Yoongi’s wrist. “But I can’t help it, I just do.” Yoongi sighed. But he let Namjoon speak. “I felt bad for it, but I can’t help who I am, and I just…closeness, human touch. I need that shit in abundance. And when Seokjin suggested a cuddle buddy…”

“A what?”

“A-A cuddle buddy. It’s like a person that I pay to come here and just…I dunno, hug me and talk to me. Guilt free.”

Something fell behind Yoongi’s eyes. Something broke. It hurt Namjoon to see it. “Namjoon? I didn’t ever make you feel unwanted, right?”

“What? No! Nonono, hyung. It’s not that at all.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

And with his oath, Yoongi deflated. “Then I think, as long as it’s safe and whoever it is makes you really comfortable, it’s a nice idea.”

“Yeah?”

Yoongi nodded. “Just…promise me you won’t get too attached, hm? This guy or this girl, they’re being payed to do this and I just…I know how quick your heart moves Namjoon-ah. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“I’ll be careful.” Namjoon swore. Yoongi nodded, patted his arm.

“Okay. I have class until one. I’ll be at the shop at half past. Okay?”

“Okay. Have the best day, hyung.”

“You too Namjoonie.”

/

It was blustery today, high winds and heavy rain that beat on the window panes like drums. Namjoon loved to listen to the rain, loved the constant pitter patter of water as it kissed glass.  But today it was hidden behind the swelling drone of a crowd.

It was busy.

And Namjoon was run ragged, a thin sheen of anxious sweat coating his forehead. Hobi was a big help, kept him sane. But by the time Namjoon took a break, his feet still ached, his shoulders still twinged and his throat was dry.

He sighed and lounged lazily on the fire escape, the floor above shielding him from the downpour. When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he expected Yoongi, Hobi…maybe even Jin or Jimin. Not this.

 

StarryNight95 sent you a message.

 

It didn’t escape Joon’s notice when his heart started to soar. This is ridiculous, he thought. You’ve talked to him once. You couldn’t possibly be…

He shook off the thought and opened the message.

StarryNight95: Afternoon Sunshine! Are we still on for tonight?

StarryNight95: It’s okay if you want to cancel. Please don’t feel bad, just do it on the thingy…

BlueJoon94: The cancelation server?

StarryNight95: Yeah that

BlueJoon94: You’re kinda making me feel awful.

StarryNight95: Dunno what you mean.

BlueJoon94: Hey…Don’t be sad. I’m not cancelling.

StarryNight95: Really? 😊

BlueJoon94: Promise.

StarryNight95: Wooop!

StarryNight95: You at work or home or…

BlueJoon94: Work actually.

StarryNight95: Hmm, we’ll need something to relax your muscles then.

BlueJoon94: Huh?

StarryNight95: Shh, don’t worry about it. I’ve got you. You eaten yet?

BlueJoon94: …

BlueJoon94: Shit.

StarryNight95: Tut, silly boy.

BlueJoon94: Hey! I just forgot! My friend was swamped in his other class, so I promised I’d finish our project alone, I mean that’s my fault, I forced his hand because he was stressed. Then my other friend was late to work so I had to work a busy shift alone and I have to meet with an acquaintance after our session because they need help with their Business project for school and I know a little about the subject and I just forgot, I ran out of time? They needed my help.

 

StarryNight94: Who’s helping you?

BlueJoon95: Huh?

StarryNight94: Who’s helping you? With your projects, covering your shifts…

BlueJoon95: My roommate helps! He’s really good to me. He helps.

StarryNight95: When you let him, right?

BlueJoon94: …

StarryNight95: Hm, what type of food do you like best?

BlueJoon94:  Oh no! Nonono! You don’t have to do that.

StarryNight95: Sh. What type of food.

BlueJoon94: I…I like meat?

StarryNight95: Chicken?

BlueJoon94: Only if you want.

StarryNight95: I do. Tonight, 3:30, I’ll bring the chicken.

BlueJoon94: Thankyou… Seriously its so sweet of you.

StarryNight95: You’re welcome.

StarryNight95: Have a great day at work! 😊

BlueJoon94: I’ll try 😊

  

Namjoon smiled, a lightness in his heart to contrast the laxness of his limbs. This guy was magic. No wonder he made the app so much money.

Money, he remembered. He was being payed to make him feel comfortable. He was sure the chicken would be added to the bill. And he didn’t mind that…he would pay for the fantasy. He would pay for a dream.

/

Namjoon left Yoongi at work, the elder let him part with a word of warning: “I might not be near my phone. So, if this guy gets creepy, call Seokjin. Yes?”

“I can look after myself, hyung.”

Yoongi let a sheepish smile curve on his lips. “Barely.” Namjoon ducked his head and Yoongi ruffled his hair. “I just worry about you Namjoon.”

“I know. Will you be okay here?”

Yoongi nodded. “I will. Jimin will help out, just for tonight.” Joon watched as Yoongi’s eyes melted like butter. “He’s in the back getting ready…”

“Try not to do it in front of people’s salads.”

Yoongi swatted him. And the back-room door swung open. Jimin stood before them as handsome as ever, his silver hair pulled into a pretty side part, his polo shirt complimented with a cute little apron tied tight around his tiny waist. “I’m ready!” he beamed, eyes bright, a bounce in his step.

Yoongi made a noise akin to a kicked puppy and Namjoon snorted. “Oh hyung, you’re so whipped for him.”

 

The memory made Namjoon sigh. He would be forever grateful that someone as kind and patient as Jimin, would love Yoongi and love him right.

But Namjoon would always feel the ache of longing when he looked at them. Easy touches, whispered words. It was bitter sweet for Namjoon, it drew a smile to his lips and gnawed at his heart.

He wanted that.

After dropping his key and missing the keyhole he finally managed to stumble into their apartment at 3:12pm.

He showered quickly, ran a hair dryer over his hair and changed out of his uniform into a dark sweater (dark in case of spills).

Three minutes later there was a knock on the door.

3:28

He was early.

Namjoon’s heart stuttered, beating like butterfly wings in his chest. He took a deep breath, shook out his arms and went for the door.

He wondered if he would be tall? Long hair? Maybe a bearded man?

The person at his door was none of those things. The person at his door was…

“Taehyung?”

The younger’s eyes widened comically. “Hyung?”

“Uh… Jimin isn’t here. He’s at work with-“

“Ah, no, I’m-I’m not here for Jimin.”

“Then wh-“ his eyes suddenly caught the plastic bag, swinging next to the backpack in his left hand, and the smell of fried chicken wafted delectably on the still air.

“Oh…”

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re…”

“Yup.” A beat of silence followed. “Um, can I come in?”

/

Namjoon sat stiffly at the other end of the couch, lost in his own mind. He’d tried on multiple occasions to form words, but his mind moved so quickly it was hard to form something even remotely coherent.

Tae tapped on his knee, watched him carefully, his lips pushed out into an exaggerated pout. “You know, if…”

“DID YOU KNOW THAT BOWHEAD WHALES CAN LIVE FOR UP TO TWO HUNDRED YEARS.”

Taehyung’s lashes fluttered, and a boxy grin crinkled his eyes. “Yeah? Aish…that’s really cool.”

The tips of the taller’s ears were burning, but he carried on. “Y-yeah…and-and killer whales can live for about a hundred.”

Tae smiled, tilted his head. “I wonder if whales cuddle too.”

Fiddling with his earlobe, Namjoon sighed. “Tae-ah, if this is weird, you can go. If you don’t want to be here…”

“Who said I didn’t want to be here?”

Namjoon shrugged. Tae reached out and took his hand, sending shivers down Namjoon’s spine. “Listen… I’m here, right? And I bought chicken. Why don’t we make the most of it? And if you feel uncomfortable, we don’t have to do it ever again, okay?”

Namjoon swallowed, but he nodded. Tae squeezed his palm and bounced to his feet. “Good! You get the cups and the plates, I’ll set up in here!”

“Set up?”

“Oh Namjoon, I’m not Korea’s top cuddle buddy for nothing!” He winked over his shoulder.

Namjoon’s heart was weightless as a feather.

/

“Tae this is too much…” Namjoon pouted, overcome by the scene he had set for the elder. The food was set up on a blanket on the floor. Chicken, rice, fries... with some cola to boot. And though the food was great, it was the fort that had Namjoon in a puddle on the ground.

White bed sheets, swooping from the floor up over a structure he had made from barstools and the tentpoles he’d brought with him. The sheets were draped inside and out with a dusting of string lights and he’d stacked couch cushions, throw pillows and blankets inside for ultimate snugness.

Tae shrugged as his flame caught the wick of the final candle. “You’ve been working. You haven’t eaten. Everyone deserves wind down time like this.” he blew out the match with a short, sharp puff and turned back to the elder, smile blooming across his cheeks. “I chose cinnamon scented diffusers, I got the feeling you like warm scents.”

Namjoon nodded, eyes starry with awe. “Yeah, I-I do, that’s…”

He watched Tae through gentle eyes, as the younger knelt in his warm, brick red hoodie and riffled through his bags, pulling out three different DVDS.

“So, we needed something soft, because you seem real sensitive. Which is super cute by the way. We have the spooky-soft, Edward Scissorhands, we got sad soft here and then we’ve got a Pixar sorta soft, UP?”

Namjoon dropped his eyes as he smiled, so wide he knew the dimples would be vividly present. “UP is actually one of my favourite movies.”

Tae beamed. “Me too! Love a balloon house and a talking pup.”

As Tae slipped the disk into their DVD player, Namjoon crawled into the fort, burrowing himself   under the soft slate coloured blanket. Tae hit play and joined him, crawling happily into their cocoon.

He watched Namjoon carefully for a moment and the elder blushed a rosy colour over the tops of his cheekbones.  Tae let his thumb run over them, so gentle, so much wonder. “Come hug me you idiot.” he giggled.

And with that the weird tension was broken. Namjoon choked on a laugh and, to his surprise, it was Tae that drew him in. He pulled him onto his warm, firm chest, his heartbeat steady bellow his ear. And as Carl met Ellie for the first time, long fingers began to card Namjoon’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.

The elder almost purred. Aish, when had this become a thing for him? Being scratched like a clumsy puppy.

They ate their food silently, but at the fifteen-minute mark, Namjoon discarded the food in favour of tears, fat droplets tumbling down his cheeks as they watched Carl slump solitary at his wife’s casket. A single balloon clutched in his palm.

Tae watched him with something sad worrying his brow, as Namjoon choked a sob into his neck.

“Hyung? Do you need a break?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be!” Tae breathed hitting the pause button. “Oh hyung…come here.”

Tae pulled him upright, as the elder hiccupped his next sob. “I don’t even…it’s j-just so sad and he…ugh, it’s so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. Stop that.” Tae frowned. “It’s sweet.” He cupped the back of Namjoon’s neck, using his sleeve to dab his cheeks dry. “Can I ask you something though, hyung?”

“Yeah…sure.”

“Why is there a pile of pink clothes in the corner of the room?”

Namjoon groaned and covered his face. “Oh god.”

“What?”

“I turned all my whites pink.”

Tae chuckled. “How exactly?”

“I thought my red hoodie would be okay! Because… because there was a white stripe on the sleeves.” he dropped his hands and was met with the most adoring gaze. A gaze that had him so weak and so strong all at once. “W-what?”

“You’re so cute hyungie.”

Namjoon made a wounded noise and pushed him back into the pillows, burrowing his head into his neck. “You can’t say stuff like that.” he pouted. Not when I can’t keep you.

Tae hummed, lost in his thought, his hands soothing down over Namjoon’s back. “Just did.” he murmured. “Anyway…how was your day?”

“Fine…”

“Namjoon.”

A beat. “Stressful.”

“Mhm, why?”

“Lot’s of people, rude customers, I was there alone which didn’t help. I think I slept funny too, my neck is really bothering me.”

Tae’s hand moved up on instinct, thumb brushing from the base of his skull to the top of his spine. “Here?”

“Mhm.”

Tae nodded, and started to knead the tight muscles with his thumbs, working out all the stress and the knots until Namjoon was a heavy pile of goo in his arms. “That better?” he whispered, rubbing circles across his shoulder.

Namjoon closed his eyes, was lost in his fantasy. And as the tension left him, so did his consciousness. He was pulled softly on a moonshine boat into the land of slumber. “You’re magical...” he breathed.

Tae paused, the sincere admiration that flooded his tone was captivating. “I think the same of you. You don’t see yourself clearly hyung, you’re so sensitive and sweet. So kind and selfless and thoughtful and I just-“

Tae was cut off by a loud snore. He tuned his gaze to Namjoon’s face, the elder’s chest a steady rise and fall. He looked so innocent as he slept, so young, so peaceful. It made Tae’s heart ache, fingers carding his caramel locks and pushing them from his forehead.

God, Kim Namjoon deserved the world.

Tae stayed with him until the session ended, scribbling a note on the post-it pad Yoongi used to set Joon reminders. He pulled off the yellow square and tacked it to the fort’s wall.

He left it standing around him, let him have his cocoon for a little while longer.

/

The shrill sound of an alarm woke Namjoon from his sleepy state. He groaned and patted around, reading the notification.

Study time with Jackson: No filthy business Namjoon-ah, you dirty boy! I will be your only gay and handsome ex!

Namjoon rolled his eyes. Jin must have set it for him. He was caught somewhere between affection and a mild exasperation. Still it was good of him to…oh.

The barista peeled the sticky note from the sheet.

“Namjoonie-hyung, I hope you slept well. I’ve cleaned up a little. Keep the sheets, you’ll need them after seeing that pile of pink you created. If you want me, you know where to find me! Maybe next time I can cuddle you as you do the laundry huh? Watch out for any red socks lol. Keep your head up hyung, and please look after yourself. Tae x”

Namjoon wondered in his mind if Tae knew the effect he had on people. Because he was sure if he was Jungkook, he would be madly jealous reading these words. So much care and affection laced in every phrase.

But then again, he got this every day, without payment. He wondered too if Jungkook knew about Tae’s job? Was he okay with it?

When Namjoon logged onto his CuddleBuddy app, he saw no additional charges, just the basic hourly rate. His heart skipped a beat. But he pushed it aside, because he couldn’t, he couldn’t do to Jungkook, what he did to Jimin. He couldn’t do much worse.

He wasn’t that man. He would never be that man.

If this were to happen it had to be business and business only.

He booked in for three hours this coming Monday. A reply came almost immediately.

StarryNight95: Couldn’t keep away huh? Heheheh. I’m so excited, hyung! I’ll get planning right away!

Taehyung was making it excruciatingly difficult for Namjoon. To stop himself from falling head over heels for the man with the Midas touch.

Chapter 4

Summary:

Taejoon cuddle a lot. Greek Goats, Laundrettes and heartbreak happens.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A weird bitter-sweetness echoed around the pit in Namjoon’s stomach. The sweetness was inevitable. Taehyung was like honey; sugary, soothing, golden. He was addictive. And that was where the bitterness came in the aftertaste. As Tae pulled him into a tight hug on the doorstep and whispered: “Goodnight Hyung, look after yourself.”

He was left with echoing emptiness and shame that pulled like a knot in his stomach. Because he didn’t want him to go. Please stay with me. Just for a moment, please be mine.

And it wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. It wasn’t fair on Namjoon, to torture himself as he did.  It wasn’t fair on Jungkook, to take that sweet boy from his side. Most of all it wasn’t fair on Taehyung, to rely so wholly on his arms to soothe his every heart ache, money or not. It wasn’t fair to put the weight of his world on Taehyung’s shoulders.

But still, with each time he crossed the threshold, Namjoon ached for him more, and it became near impossible to let him leave.

/

The second Friday they met, they baked cookies. Namjoon had forgotten them in the oven, too caught up in the deep silkiness of Taehyung’s timbre. The younger laughed it off, and kissed Namjoon’s burning cheek. “You’re so sweet hyung. Come on, I’ll help you…”

“But…time is almost up.”

Tae chuckled. “I don’t mind. I’m having fun! And I reallllly want cookies now.”

The ate the cookies as they talked, talked of music and art while Chopin played over Yoongi’s speakers. As he left, Namjoon couldn’t help but think how his lips would taste like chocolate chip cookies.

/

The third Friday they cuddled on Namjoon’s bed, lights off, the galaxy projector Jin had bought him one birthday was painting the room with starlight. And Namjoon was nestled in the tender crook of Tae’s neck, his lashes beating like butterfly wings against his skin, as he reeled off mindless facts about space and time.

“What’s your star sign?” he whispered, drawing them out with his eyes.

“Mm, Chim tells me I’m a Capricorn.”

“The goat.”

Tae snorted. “Who are you calling a goat.”

Namjoon smirked and pointed it out, as the imaged rolled around once more. “It’s right there. See the bright stars in a sort of triangle?”

Tae nodded following his line. “That’s Capricorn?”

“That’s Capricorn. Apparently, Capricorns were half goats, half fish. Favoured by gods, Chronos the Greek God of Time, he made one immortal… had it as his companion.”

“So, I’m the goat companion. Are you the time lord?”

Namjoon covered his face. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m talking about Greek goats…I…”

“I love it.” Tae murmured, lips pulled up in an affection filled smile. “I love your little facts. I love the way your mind works.”

“Th-thank you.”

“Hyung?” suddenly Tae’s tone dropped, his eyes serious. “If I were a goat, would you make me immortal.”

Namjoon laughed. He laughed in a way he had barely ever laughed before. So unashamed. “I would make you immortal. I promise.”

Tae grinned his beautiful boxy grin. “Good.”

People like Taehyung deserved forever.  

 /

The fourth Friday, Namjoon came to the door in cycling pants and a Ryan shirt. Taehyung raised a brow. “Nice shirt.” he chuckled.

“Don’t laugh!” Namjoon pouted. “I’ve run out of clothes.”

Tae cocked his head. “Wash them?”

“What if I ruin them again?”

There was something sad there, Namjoon wasn’t sulking. It seemed to Tae, he was genuinely afraid of messing up. Scared of seeming stupid, a burden. Tae crouched by his lap, where Namjoon had plonked himself on the couch.

“Hey…want me to help?”

“Help?”

“With the laundry. We could go to the laundrette together! I love the smell of clean sheets! It will be fun!”

Taehyung was so naturally full of beans, that he almost had Namjoon saying yes without a moment’s thought. But:” Tae…I pay you to cuddle me.” He dipped his head. “Not to do my chores.”

“But it won’t feel like one. I’ll be with you, won’t I?”

It was moments like these, when Namjoon just wanted to grab his cute little cheeks and kiss him. But he couldn’t, his hands clasped tight in his lap.

Tae nudged them with his nose. “You’re so tense today …come on. Let’s get some air…take another weight off your mind.”

“Tae, I…”

“I want to…otherwise I’ll worry. It’s my job to keep you relaxed, right? Let me help you.”

Namjoon let his body sag. “Kay…”

/

The soft whir of the machines was oddly soothing. Tae carefully folding his whites (pristine unlike his previous attempt) had his heart fluttering. The younger patted the top of the pile.

“Just the colours to dry now.”

“Hmm.” Namjoon leaned on his elbow on the top of the machine, he couldn’t even hide it in his eyes anymore, the unbridled affection. For the first time, Tae seemed to blush. And aish, it was pretty.

“Something on my face or…?”

“Thank you for coming tonight Taehyungie…thank you for…taking me here.”

Tae’s eyes softened. “You’re welcome. Always. You wanna go out for air…it’s so warm in here?”

Namjoon nodded.

They stepped out into the autumn evening together. The stars were out, the chill of a coming Winter was subtly present, and they sat side by side under neon light, staring out on it all in wonder.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Do ever think you see the world differently to other people? Like maybe you’re strange?”

“All the time.”

Taehyung turned to him, a sheepish grimace. “Me too.”

Namjoon crossed his arms over his chest, “Yeah? Why’s that?”

Tae sighed. “We had a guest teacher in class today. She asked me why the colours in my piece were all so bright. Garish she called them.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded. “I told her I was happy.”

Namjoon smiled. “I’m glad…”

Tae pressed his lips together. “She said that I was childish and that I would never make it that way. Nobody wanted to buy something that looks like it was scribbled by a crayon.”

“Tae…”

He exhaled a heavy breath. “It’s fine… I mean, you can’t please everyone, right?”

He looked so sad. Nonono, not Taehyung. “Tae, never let them change you. There’s a reason you’re so adored. That wonder, that purity, it’s captivating, I promise.”

The younger smiled. “That’s so nice, Hyung.”

“Can I see it?”

“Huh?”

“Have you got any of your art? Like on your phone?”

“Oh, uh…actually yeah.” He pulled it out and unlocked it. “I um, I drew this one for Chim, it was his birthday so…” he held the phones glowing screen to his chest. Lighting up his heart. “Be gentle yeah…he…Jimin means a lot to me, so this piece did too.”

“Tae, I promise I won’t be mean.” he chanced a smile. “I would never be mean to you.”

Tae nodded. “You’re right. You’re never mean, Hyung.”

He turned the screen to Namjoon and the elder had to take a moment. Was there anything about this boy that didn’t render him speechless?

On the screen was a canvas of stars and water, in rich sapphires and brilliant whites that stretched from top to bottom. A night sky and a rolling ocean, much like the ones in Hawaii. And in the centre stood Jimin, perched on the balls of his feet, arm stretched up to the heavens.

His hand was curved around a star like he had the power to move them. Maybe he did…looking at this made Namjoon belive it.

It was so beautiful it brought tears to his eyes.

“Hyung, are you crying?”

“Ah, what are you doing to me.” he murmured covering his eyes with his sweater sleeve.

Tae chuckled and pushed his arm out of the way. “Don’t cry.” He whispered. “Is it really so bad?”

Namjoon shook his head and squished his cheek against Tae’s shoulder. “Tae it’s so good, I don’t think you realise how good you are.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Wanna buy it for lots of money?”

Namjoon raised a brow as he raised his head. “I thought you painted it for Jimin?”

“Yeahhhh but, I also want a Gucci shirt. He loves me, he’d want me to have a Gucci shirt.”

There was a short stint of silence, then they both spluttered and burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Because the situation was ridiculous. They were two men in their twenties, sat outside a laundrette on a Friday night…making jokes about how poor they were. And the stress was no joke. But if they didn’t laugh, they would cry. And that’s when Namjoon realised, for once he laughed. For once he didn’t feel lonely.

/

Namjoon walked to class alone the following Monday. Yoongi had stayed at Jimin’s the night before and couldn’t drive him in.

Namjoon didn’t mind. It was such a beautiful morning. The sky was clear, crisp and tangerine. There was a sleepy bustle of people who moved around campus. The low-slung sun spangled through the trees and painted the skin of the passers with leafy patterns.

Namjoon was early. For once in his life he was early. So, he snuggled up below the maple trees and scribbled verses in cursive.

 

 Born one night by the light of the moon, no turtle doves, no silver spoons.

I’ll be on his wings on the way to the stars, and I’m so close while he’s so far.

“Hyung!” came a voice just shy of the trees. And he came bounding toward him, bright eyed, a certain someone at his heels.

Namjoon quickly snapped his journal shut. “Tae?”

He stumbled to his feet as Tae met him on the grass, far too pretty and far too upbeat for this time of the morning. “I always seem to find you by a tree…” the younger mused. “How’ve you been?”

Namjoons eyes rolled briefly over the boy by Taehyung’s side. He was handsome, a little taller than Tae, a little shorter than Namjoon, but broader than both. He had such an oxymoron of a face. He looked young, so sweet but there was something in his eyes, a passion, something that made him seem older than he was.

“I’m okay actually,” His finger ran the spine of his journal. “It’s so nice being okay.”

“I’m glad.” Tae murmured eyes all full of sunshine.

Namjoon’s eyes flickered back to the guy beside him. “Yeah.”

“Oh shit, yeah! Hyung, this is Jeon Jungkook. Jungkookie this is Kim Namjoon.”

Jungkook’s eyes brightened. “Yah, the Namjoon? Taehyungie has told me all about you! You do music, right? Composing and stuff.”

Namjoon nods, shy. “I try.”

“Wah daebak, I wish I could compose.”

“Jungkookie sings.” Tae murmured, ruffling Kookie’s hair gently. Namjoon’s heart shattered. There it was… easy affection. Those fingers, those same long fingers that combed Namjoon’s hair as he talked gloomily of his woes. Those fingers were now tangled in another’s locks, for no reason aside from genuine love and affection. “He’s amazing.”

Jungkook blushed, stared down at his toes.

Namjoon swallowed the lump rapidly forming in his throat. “I don’t-I don’t doubt it.” He rasped, drawing raised brows from Tae. “Um, I have class in ten so…”

“Yeah? Well, I’ll see you this Friday yeah, hyung? For our session.”

Namjoon’s eyes shot to Kookie, who’s expression didn’t change. He felt himself burn red.

He knew, he knew about… aish, what else had Tae told him? “Uh, yeah. Okay, see you.”

He left swiftly after, shooting across the courtyard and into the back alley. But not before hearing his name and a flurry of giggles to follow it, from the two he’d left by the maples.

How long had he known, how long had they been laughing about him?

He wouldn’t go to class, he couldn’t stand the thought of being caught up in a crowd of nameless faces. Not right now. Namjoon wiped a tear from his cheek and text Yoongi.

 

“Just…promise me you won’t get too attached, hm? This guy or this girl, they’re being payed to do this and I just…I know how quick your heart moves Namjoon-ah. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

 

Joon: You were right. You were right Yoons, you’re always right.

Yoons: Joonie?

Yoons: What are you talking about?

Yoons: Namjoon, I swear to god.

/

Namjoon couldn’t face it yet, couldn’t face Yoongi’s pitiful gaze, a soft voice. The cold reality that his heart had fucked him over yet again. Rendered him the idiot.

He took a detour through the high street, near the shop, Hobi wouldn’t be in today…just the support staff who would barely know him. He wouldn’t be caught down here. He could be alone.

Where nothing could hurt him.

He yelped as his foot hit something huddled on the corner of the boulevard, and his hands caught the lamppost just in time.

“Sorry, s-sorry I’m…” his breath caught in his throat. “Daejung… what-what the fuck?!”

He dropped down to his knees and pushed the man’s hair back from his forehead. God, he looked, he looked like hell, his eyes dark, sunken, his cheeks frost bitten. He forced a smile upon his cracked lips. “Namjoon-ah…”

“Fuck…Daejung. You’re frozen…” he peeled off his coat, wrapping it around Daejung’s little shoulders.

The elder tried to shrug it off. “No-No Namjoon. You’ll be cold.”

“I don’t care!” He snapped. The elder blinked up at him, so sluggishly it was painful, and Namjoon sagged. “I’m sorry, I am j-just…please take the coat. I’m worried Dae… please take it.”

Finally, he did, and Namjoon helped him stand, gathering him into Coffee Corner with shaking palms. “Come on, we’ll get you some soup and some tea. It’ll all be okay.”

Dae lay heavily against Namjoon’s shoulder. “What about you, Namjoon-ah? Are you okay?”

Namjoon didn’t answer. Namjoon didn’t know.

/

Yoongi decided to recruit reinforcements. He was great with advice, serious things. But when it came to cheering someone up, he was at the shallow end of the dream pool.

Jin was perfect for the job. Hobi could’ve been too, if he wasn’t on a date. But Namjoon knew Jin intimately, he trusted Jin, he loved Jin. So Jin was perfect.

As he opened the door, Yoongi expected all manner of things; crying, screaming…hell, even fire. He didn’t expect silence, Namjoon sat stoic on the sagging couch, cocooned in a fuzzy old blanket.

“Namjoon?”

He didn’t answer, so Yoongi shot Jin a look. What in the hell…

Jin shrugged.

Sighing, Yoongi dumped his bag and rounded the couch, dropping down beside his friend. Jin came up behind and rubbed at Namjoon’s back in circles.

“Namjoon…”

“Remember when I got you that Kumamon bear.” he whispered, breath hitching, pitch bending. “You were really sick, had the worst fever, and a really bad headache. I couldn’t cook for shit, but I got you through and when you were sad, when you were frustrated… it was when I bought him for you. Brought him home after work. I remember you got all teary. I think that was the fever…but for once. I felt like…like I was the one who took care of you. And it felt so nice hyung.”

“Namjoon, what is this…you’re scaring me.”

Jin came around the chair and crouched before him. But Namjoon’s eyes didn’t move, they stayed fixed on that plushie. “Namjoonie, is this about Taehyung?” he murmurs, hand on his knee. And Namjoon remembers the Friday before, when Taehyung was crouched on that same patch of carpet, willing him out of his apartment. He thinks back to those brief moments where he was okay.

It broke him.

The magnitude of the tears was sudden, and the sob was heart-breaking. On instinct Yoongi scooted closer, pulled him protectively into his arms. He whimpered into him, weak and trembling, and Jin pouted, rubbing his thigh. The eldest stood, swooping down to kiss Joon’s forehead. “I’ll make some tea…”

Yoongi murmured his thank you and pulled Joon tighter, as Jin started to rattle around in the kitchen. “Did…did he say something to you? Something bad?”

“No…n-no I just…”

“What?”

Namjoon wiped his eyes with his sweater sleeve. “He…Huh-he…”

“Deep breaths Joonie, take your time.”

Namjoon closed his eyes, he took his breaths, gathered himself. Yoongi sat him up as Jin handed him his mug. “Thank you Hyung…”

“You’re welcome.”

Yoongi’s brow furrowed, eyes narrowed, not leaving his face. “Tell us what happened.”

/

Namjoon told them everything, to an echo of grimaces. About StarryNight95, and how Tae had showed up on his door step, how he’d made him feel like the most precious thing in the entire world. How Namjoon wanted to stop the feelings that were blooming, how he wanted to say no. But he couldn’t. Because he was living. He was alive with Tae and it was too good to let go.

He left out the part about Jungkook this morning, because whether they whispered about him or not, this wasn’t his fault.

“You fell in love with him…” Yoongi sighed.

“I didn’t mean to…”

Jin smiled, gentle. “We know Joonie, you can’t help your heart.”

“I wish I could. Sometimes, I wish I couldn’t feel anything.”

Yoongi’s heart tumbled. “Namjoon, your heart is why I’m here right now and you know that.” Namjoon turned to him, opened his mouth to speak, but Yoongi shook his head. “This isn’t good for you anymore Joon. Maybe its time to stop it, yeah? Maybe…find another buddy, if you still feel bad about cuddling with me.”

“I’ll cuddle you Joonie.” Jin beamed. Namjoon chuckled, wet and hollow.

“And if Seokjinnie isn’t around, come to me.” Yoongi demanded. “You deserve to feel wanted, Namjoon. And if it’s too painful with Taehyung then…”

“Yeah…yeah I know.”

/

BlueJoon94 has cancelled your appointment.

StarryNight95: Oh, did something come up Hyung?

BlueJoon94: No, it’s not that.

StarryNight95: Oh! Aish are you sick?

BlueJoon94: No. No, I’m well.

StarryNight95: Fire in the apartment block? Mass alien invasion?

BlueJoon94: Tae, listen. I just don’t think I can do these sessions anymore.

StarryNight95: Oh…

StarryNight95: Did I do anything wrong?

BlueJoon94: Nonono! I promise, you were perfect. It’s me, I’m just…I think it would be better if I stopped.

BlueJoon94: Thank you so much Taehyung…you made me smile so many times I couldn’t count… You made everything better, you were an angel. I will never be able to repay you. Still, I’m gonna leave you a big tip. No arguments!

BlueJoon94: But I can’t carry this thing on, I hope you understand, it’s nothing you did.

StarryNight95: Okay. Yeah…that’s okay.

StarryNight95: Will I see you around campus, Hyung:(?

BlueJoon94: Of course.

StarryNight95: Please look after yourself Namjoonie, I worry for you.

StarryNight95: I’ll miss you <3

And Namjoon almost gave in. But he didn’t, Yoongi held his hand tight as he closed the app and Jin pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Brave boy…” he murmured. “It’s okay.”

Hobi came as soon as he left his date, he climbed onto the couch with the three of them. They cuddled, they ate ice cream and watched Ghibli. And Joon thought it could’ve been worse. The ache was there, but he was wrapped in love.

And he was thankful.

Notes:

Did anyone spot the little Spring Day nod outside the laundrette? Love y'allllll <3

Chapter 5

Summary:

In which Namjoon's life falls apart, his heart is broken and Tae saves him in the blur of a storm.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Tae shuffled into Coffee Corner with a chime of the bell. His heart sunk. No long legs or unsteady hands, no eyes that spun like the milky way. Just Hobi busing tables, just Yoongi serving the line of customers backed up from the twelve o’clock rush.

A guilt settled over Taehyung when the disappointment had him wanting to leave. To crawl back into bed and sulk under the covers.

He had a word with himself: you’re being stupid, and he swept into the line for his midday caffeine boost.

“Tae-ah?” Hobi’s voice was fraught with something uneasy.

Tae forced a smile. He was good at it. It was his job after all. “Hobi-hyung! I’ve missed you! How’ve you been!”

Hobi smiled, a sad fondness pulling his cheeks taught. “Peachy… how are you?”

Tae pressed his lips together. “Good.”

The elder raised a brow. “Really?”

Tae played with the lapel of his peacoat, glancing toward Yoongi self-consciously. “Is hyung mad at me?”

“Yoongi?”

“No…”

“Oh, Namjoonie?”

“Yeah…”

Hobi shook his head. “No, he’s not mad at you, what would give you that idea?”

Tae sighed, sagging into a puddle of goo. “He won’t talk to me…or answer my messages. What did I do?” his lip jutted and Hobi felt like crying for him.

“Tae…yah, don’t be sad. You haven’t done anything.”

“But I must have.” He sighs. “It was so nice. He was so tactile and so open with me. Then he slams down the walls and cuts all communication? Chim told me he was well and functioning… so what else could it be? It’s me, isn’t it?”

Hobi sighed. “Tae-ah, Namjoonie is a complicated person. His mind is said to be one of the most brilliant in South Korea. But that kind of brainpower comes with its downsides. He is sensitive…he’s incredibly sensitive and his mind moves too quickly. He just…need some time yeah? Let me talk to him.”

“Okay, hyung. Will-will you tell him that I miss him. And to watch out for that tension in his neck.”

Hobi’s smile was laced with an abundance of affection. “Course I will Tae… hey…are you not staying for coffee?”

Tae shakes his head pulling the door open with a chime. “No…it was a silly idea. I need my rest.”

“Right…well, look after yourself Taehyungie.”

The younger nodded minutely and let the door thump shut behind him.

Yoongi swept toward Hobi, a toasted sandwich and a warm brownie in either hand. “What did he say?” he murmured.

Hobi pouted. “He misses him…”

“Hobi-ah…you know why he can’t…”

“I know. I know that…but he’s confused, he’s miserable. Namjoonie he…he needs to talk to him properly. At least give him some closure.”

“I know.” Yoongi sighed. “I know.”

/

Namjoon tapped on the mahogany, tapped out the rhythm of his words to the melody of the piano. Yoongi had mercifully taught him their one song, so he could riddle out the placement of their words, how it would all fit together.

The practice room was white, with windows from the floor to thirty foot up, touching the ceiling. The cluster of waving birch trees and the rap of rain on the glass were a welcome distraction from the baron and echoing silence.

Since Namjoon had performed the painful task of extracting Tae from his life, he had buried himself in his music and became the perfect recluse. With his music he was safe, alone, he wasn’t bothering anyone. He would have to endure the ache. For Tae, for Yoongi, for all of them.

Even for Jungkook.

The echoing footsteps caught Namjoon’s attention, he snapped his head to the door way. Hobi shook off his umbrella with a hearty grin and made towards him.

“Hello stranger… you been hiding here all this time huh?”

Namjoon shrugged. “Not hiding, just working.”

Hobi dropped his umbrella next to the piano and gathered Namjoon in the hug that he needed. Pulling him strong against his tummy and cradling his head there. “How’d you feel today Namjoonie? Honestly?”

“No nightmares last night…so better.”

“Still getting them huh?”

“Mm.”

There was a silence in which Hobi considered not telling him. But this wasn’t good for Namjoon… this avoidance, burying his head in tutoring, school and overtime. It was wearing him thin and he needed to stop, he needed to face this head on.

“Tae came in today.” The effect was instant and Namjoon was breaking gently out of his hold, picking up his pen and scribbling on his note pad. “Namjoon.”

His hand stilled. “What do you want me to say Hobi?”

“He misses you.”

Namjoons lashes fluttered. “He’ll forget about me soon enough… he has Jungkook to distract him.”

“Namjoonie… you know that isn’t fair.”

The younger turned his eyes to his colleague and friend. “It’s not any easier for me.” He whispered.

“I know…but at least you know why. Taehyung he…he was in your life hardcore for more than a month. He held you as you cried, he looked after you, you were friends. There was a bond. No matter what that bond meant to him, he was tied to you. You can’t just cut the rope and leave him floating.  He misses you Namjoon, he told me so himself. And he’s worried. All he needs is an explanation. Something to put his heart and his mind at ease.”

Namjoon sniffled and clicked his pen, down trodden. “Okay…I’ll message him after I’m done here. But I can’t…I can’t have him back, even if I want to Hobi-ah…it hurts too much.”

“That’s okay.” Hobi promised, ruffling his hair. “Just talk, be honest. He’s so sweet Namjoon, he’ll understand.”

“Kay.”

Hobi squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll be around your place tonight. We’re getting ramen and having family time. Jin insists.” He chuckled. “Try not to worry Namjoon, we’ve got you.”

/

BlueJoon94:  Hey.

StarryNight95: NAMJOONIE!

StarryNight95: Shit, the caps, sorry.

StarryNight95: Hey, how are you?

BlueJoon94: I’m okay, I’m fine.

StarryNight95: Just ‘scraping by’ fine. Or actually fine.

 

BlueJoon94: I think we need to talk. About this, about… why I stopped it.

StarryNight95: I’ve been wanting to talk. You wouldn’t answer my messages.

BlueJoon94: I know and that was selfish of me.

StarryNight95: Namjoon-hyung, if I did something, please…tell me straight.

BlueJoon94: What? No! Nonono! It wasn’t anything to do with you. Well…not really.

StarryNight95: Not really?

BlueJoon94: I just…think that we should focus on what’s really important, you know?

StarryNight95: And that isn’t each other?

BlueJoon94: Our real friends Tae…people we love.

 

StarryNight95: Right.

StarryNight95: Sure, you’re right.

StarryNight95: Can I at least have your number? For emergencies or like…

BlueJoon94: …Tae.

StarryNight95: No, you’re right…that’s stupid. I’m being stupid.

BlueJoon94: You’re not stupid.

BlueJoon94: Tae?

BlueJoon94: Taehyung?

 

BlueJoon94: I’m sorry.

/

Jin throws his leg over Namjoon’s body and pouts his full lips against the back of his neck. He was here when Namjoon returned. The younger never asked for his arms, but Jin gave them without question. “Stop thinking…I can hear it.”

“He’s mad at me.”

“You don’t know that…but maybe if you went to see him?”

“Hyung, I can’t…” his voice shattered at the end of his sentence. Jin’s heart shattered with it. He tugged Namjoon to face him, tucking him into the crook of his smooth sweet-smelling neck.

“Okay…it’s okay. Breathe.”

Namjoon heaved a heavy breath against his skin. He concentrated on Jin’s steady pulse, the flex of his arms. He felt Jin’s sigh ruffle his hair.

“Jin?”

“Namjoon?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Oh Namjoonie, marriage? I’m flattered.”

“N-no I…” he shifted back, not so far that he was out of Jin’s reach, but far enough that he could look him in those doey eyes. “It’s about when we were together.”

“Uh-oh. Go on then.” he snorted rubbing his side.

“Why did you say yes…to dating me?”

Jin cocked his head. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“You have a heart as big as your brain, you’re endlessly sweet and you treated me like a King. You were just good…and pure in the most heart-breaking of ways.” He swiped a stray tear from under Namjoon’s eyes. A tear he wasn’t aware he was crying until now. “See? You being a handsome boy didn’t hurt either.”

Namjoon’s hand circled his wrist, he pulled his fingers away. “But…didn’t you ever get sick of this? The tears, the broken plates, the constant chaos.”

“What you mean is: ‘Did I get sick of you’.” Namjoon nods, ducking his head. “No.” Jin told him. “I never got sick of you.”

“But then…” he played with the loose thread on the end of his pillow case. “Why didn’t we work out?”

“You wanna know why I think we never worked out?”

“Yeah…”

“Because you couldn’t love yourself. And if you can’t love yourself Namjoon, how the hell do you expect to be with someone like me?”

The key turned in the front door and two voices sounded out in the hallways. A deep drawl and staccato chatter.

Yoongi and Hoseok.

He sighed, pushing himself upright, but Jin tugged his sleeve. “No, come here. We have a few more moments before they get hungry.” “But they’ll…”

“Namjoon. Rest.”

/

 A new voice had joined the familiar three as Namjoon emerged from the bedroom, changed into a hoodie and comfy pants.

A sweet whisper that had been twisted into a panicked stutter.

Jimin?

“Yoongi this isn’t fair! It’s not fair on Taehyung.”

“Minnie, calm down. I’m sure this is all a mis-“

When Yoongi caught wind of him, the babble of voices cut dead and four sets of eyes fell upon Namjoon. He felt naked as a new-born and twice as vulnerable. He refused to look Jimin in the eyes. Refused.

The pain…the heartache and the guilt was too much to bear. He turned on his heel and made for the corridor once again.

But a hand stops him. “Hyung, please…”

“Jimin…” his voice was low, a warning. “Let go of me.”

“Hyung please! He’s devastated. Please talk to him.”

“I’ve already talked to him Jimin-ah!”

“Then talk again!”

“Jimin…” Yoongi cut in, attempting to tug him away by his waist. Jimin refused.

“Why are you being like this!? Why are you hurting him!?”

And that was it. Namjoon couldn’t take it anymore. He snapped. “SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Jimin flinched, eyes wide, falling back into Yoongi’s arms. “YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT SO FUCKING-“

“Namjoon.” Yoongi’s voice was a growl, a command laced deep in his tone. “I know you’re upset. But be very careful of your words.”

“Oh fuck off Yoongi. Of course, of course you’d side with him. How does it feel now you’ve found a pretty piece of ass to replace me? I bet it feels good huh? I bet he fucks away all the stress you’ve gathered from a day of pitying me.”

“Namjoon…” Jin whispered. “Please think about your words.”

“I don’t want to think! I don’t want to think, why don’t any of you get that.” He slammed his foot into the cabinet, splintering the wood.

“Namjoon!” Yoongi snapped.

“Aish, how long have I been your burden Yoongi? Jin didn’t need me. Hobi doesn’t either. You love Jimin. Taehyung loves Jungkook…”

Jimin’s lashes fluttered. “Jung-Jungkook?”

But Namjoon didn’t hear him. “I’m SICK of it Yoongi! I’m sick of you pretending to love me out of some twisted sense of duty! Fuck that! Fuck your fake love.” he swiped the Kumamon plushie from the arm chair.

“Joon don’t-“

“And fuck this stupid plushie too.”

The rip was accompanied by a duo of gasps, Namjoon had torn the squishy head from its body. And he stood there in silence, in shock, the gift that had made Yoongi smile so hard in tatters.

For a long while nobody spoke. Yoongi had opened his mouth, but Jimin placed a sedative hand on his chest. “Namjoonie?” the younger whispered.

Nothing.

“Namjoonie…Jungkook he isn’t…” Namjoon met his eyes, the elder’s pooled with tears that threatened to break their banks and flood his face. It was heart-breaking. “Hyung he…Jungkookie isn’t in love with Taehyung. And Taehyung isn’t in love with him. They love each other yes, they work together at the Cuddle Buddy app but… Hyung, Jungkook is like a baby brother to Tae. Nothing more.”

Namjoon blinked down at his hands like they weren’t his hands at all. And he dropped the broken bear to the ground.

“Joon…” Yoongi whispered, reaching out to pull him into a hug like he always did.

But Joon fell away from him, edging towards the door. “N-no…no. I’m sorry I just-I can’t…just let me…”

It killed Yoongi, but he let him walk out of that door. He let him leave.

/

The air was still, but it was heavy. It felt like it was suffocating him. Nothing was right and everything was broken. Rather than soothing him, Jimin’s information had been a stab in his side. Because all of the pain had been caused by Namjoon.

By him. By his mind, and his fragile spirit.

It’d hurt Yoongi.

It’d wounded Jimin.

But it had devastated Taehyung.

In that moment, with a light drizzle brushing its way over Seoul, Namjoon thought he would rather be anywhere than with himself.

Somehow, he ended up at Coffee Corner, shooting a small smile at Jihoon who was managing the evening shift. But his eyes settled finally on the corner booth, where somebody lay over the table bundled in a small mountain of coats and blankets.

Daejung, of course.

He smiled, just a twitch. He was glad the man had took shelter here today. He reached the booth with a heavy heart, but he let his eyes soften all the same. His palm caressed his spine. “Daejung?”

Nothing.

“Dae?”

Nothing.

His heart plummeted. He shook the man lightly by his shoulder, his body heavy, his cup half empty and the coffee ice cold. “D-Daejung, hey?”

Silence.

Namjoon’s mouth was dry, as he took the elder’s wrist, pressing his fingers to the pulse point.

All was still. Too still.

“No…”

/

Daejung was pronounced dead at the scene. Hypothermia, malnutrition, the medic was spitting out a lot of words. But Namjoon was so numb to it all.

He wanted to help him.

He wanted to save him.

He wanted to…but he couldn’t.

And Daejung was gone, despite Namjoon’s desperate attempts to keep him.

“Hyung?” Jihoon’s little voice murmured from beside him. Namjoon clutched Daejung’s cold cup tight. “Hyung, I called Yoong-issi. He said he’s coming in-“

Namjoon closed his eyes, he slammed the mug down on the counter and he ran. He just…ran. But from what, he would never know.

/

The rain was coming down now, fat droplets that Namjoon let soak him to the bone, hair matted to his forehead.

When he was too tired to run, Namjoon stumbled, tripping over his feet like a drunk as the park gates creaked open.

Rain flooded the grassy terrain, it bounced off the maple leaves, sprinkled the lake ahead in concentric circles.

Namjoon fell to his knees in the storm, he splashed down in a puddle and trembled like a crisp leaf in a gale.

His world was coming apart at the seams. It was too much.

Then suddenly it wasn’t.

Because long fingers curved around his cheeks, pulling his gaze up to the heavens.

Taehyung…as beautiful as the first time, parka hood pulled up over his damp hair, eyes fraught with a tear-jerking concern. He crouched by Namjoon in an ocean like puddle and pressed their foreheads together. “It’s okay…”

A painful sob ripped itself from Namjoon’s throat, and he was crashing into Tae, burying his face into his neck and stuttering near nonsense into his rain damp skin. “I couldn’t, I-I couldn’t suh-save him or…you or…or Yoongi.”

“Shh, shh.”

“Everywhere I go it’s pain Tae…I don’t mean to. I duh-don’t wanna be like this anymore!”

“Namjoon.” Tae rasped, warm salty tears tumbling against Namjoon’s hairline. “Come on…come here.”

With Taehyung’s help, Namjoon manoeuvred himself out of the downpour and into the half shelter of the maple branches.

And Taehyung propped him against its trunk, dazed. He crawled into his lap, wrapped his parka around Namjoon’s trembling shoulder’s. “Tae…I’m so sorry.”

Tae froze, pretty lashes fanned around those exquisite eyes as he blinked, and he pushed the soggy hair from Namjoon’s forehead.  Now that Namjoon could really see him, small things became apparent, the dark circles, the slightly sallow skin. “You were scared Hyung… it doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“B-but…”

Tae pressed a finger to his smooth lips. “Stop it…I forgive you.”

The younger reached down into one of the coat pockets, tapping away as Namjoon watched him through glazed eyes.

Marvelling.

Marvelling…

Suddenly a melody came, muffled and bristled through the speakers. It was unmistakable. “Kiss The Rain?”

Tae nodded and set the screen in his lap, watching as the elder melted. Watched the fresh tears fall silently, watched them cling to Namjoon’s bottom lip with the raindrops. “B-Better?”

“Feather light fingers,” the elder whispered. “A new-fangled brain. And rosebud lips…” his thumb traced the shape. “That kissed the rain.”

Tae’s eyes fluttered shut and he pressed a kiss against the pad of that thumb. He opened his eyes to wonder. A wonder that drew him to Namjoon like a cosmic force.

“Tae…what’re you doing…”

The younger exhaled, just inches from Namjoon’s face. “Kissing the rain.” he breathed, before gathering the raindrop, a single tear, and Namjoon’s parted lips between his own.

 

Notes:

YEET! If you like being in pain because of me then my patreon is thur! Hahaha. Love y'all <3

Chapter 6

Summary:

In which Namjoon begins to heal. In which all the healing.

There will be one more chapter after this babies and I've no idea how good this is because I write it while choke coughing ;) <3

Chapter Text

They crashed through Namjoon’s door together. Fingers twisted in hair, clinging desperately to rain- soaked shirts. If someone would have been home, Namjoon wouldn’t have cared. He was clinging to Kim Taehyung like a rock on a stormy sea, too terrified to let go. The younger pushed him backward, Namjoon’s knees buckling as they hit the arm of the sofa. They fell together, knocking teeth, Taehyung trailing his lips down over Namjoon’s smooth neck, making the elder shiver and writhe beneath him.

He turned his head when Tae sucked the skin at his collarbone, whining, eyes cracking open against the light of the window.

He froze.

Taehyung hesitated as his muscles tensed and followed his eye line to the rug. Buried upon a little mound of white fluff was two halves of a Kumamon bear.

Furrowing his brow, Tae cupped the elder’s cheek. “Hey…what’s wrong? Come back to me, yeah?”

Namjoon turned his eyes up to Tae’s, brimmed with tears. “I broke it…” he rasped. “He loved it and I broke it.”

As the first tears fell, Tae smudged them with his thumbs. “Stop…it’s okay.”

“Y-Yoongi loves me so much Tae and I buh-broke his heart I…”

Tae shifted, tugging Namjoon upright by his wrist. He settled in his lap, and he cradled the elder to his chest. “Stop…stop.”

Namjoon was lax in his hold, arms limp at his sides. “I hurt you…”

“Please.” Tae begged. And as his pitch wobbled, Namjoon lifted his head. “Don’t do this. Don’t do it again. This hurts Namjoonie, why can’t you see that? When you’re in pain, and you won’t just…let us help you. It hurts.”

Namjoon blinked. “But the bear a-and…”

“We’ll fix it. All of it. Together.”

Namjoon swallowed, let Tae dab his cheeks clean, and wrapped his arms around the younger’s midriff.  “Kay…”

/

When the door opened twenty minutes later, Namjoon was half asleep in the crook of Taehyung’s neck. His lashes fluttered open as the room flooded with auras and a shadow passed his closed eyes.

“Yoongi I…”

“If you apologise, I’m gonna hit you.”

Namjoon snorted. Then his face fell. “W-what happened to Daejung’s…”

“I looked after him. We’re gonna start a fund for his funeral… Minnie said he’d dance for donations, Hoseokie too…”

“We could sell a track…”

Yoongi’s lips curved up subtly in a smile. “Yeah, we could.” Namjoon held out his hand. For once in his life he moved first. Astonished Yoongi took it, squeezed his palm.

“Namjoonie-hyung…” Jimin’s timid voice caught Namjoons attention. “I’m sorry if I…”

“Love you Jimin.”

The younger jolted, a big beautiful smiled stretching over his cheeks. Tae chuckled above him, Joon could feel it rumble deep in his chest.

“We’ve got someone with us…” Jin hummed from the door, pulling the newcomer into sight. “Taehyungie darted off and left him at Coffee Corner. Poor boy looked so shell shocked I could cry.”

Jungkook blushed, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.

For the first time, with the veil of jealousy fallen, Namjoon saw him for what he really was. A shy almost adult, just as lost and as anxious as Namjoon was. “Hyung…if you want me to leave I…”

Namjoon held out his second palm. Kookie took it, curiously. “I’m sorry.”

“Wh-what for?”

“For what I thought of you. You didn’t deserve it.”

Jungkook shrugged. “S’fine, I never knew. I just thought you had gas or something. Like you really needed to poop.”

There was a pause and then Namjoon threw back his head and laughed, the sound echoing through the apartment as other laughs joined his own. Kookie for his part was astonished, blinking at them like a bunny caught crossing the road.

“Yah…” Hobi breathed, wiping happy tears from his under eyes. “This is a good one, we should keep this one.” he pinched one of Jungkook’s cheeks, the younger puffing them out cutely.

Jin nodded. “I will father it.”

Namjoon pressed his temple into the warmth of Tae’s body. And it felt like for once it would be okay.

/

Days later, while Hoseok and Jimin were out dancing and Kookie was out busking, Jin called on Namjoon… to check how he was while Yoongi and Tae worked. “I’m okay Hyung, honestly… but…”

“But what?”

“There’s something you can help me with…”

“Yeah?”

“Can you teach me to sew?”

/

Three hours and some minor injuries later, Namjoon was sat cross-legged on the rug, his needle dipping and pulling smoothly through Kumamon’s neck, stitching it back to his body. And Yoongi returned to his bear on the counter, along with coffee and a note:

It’s messy, but I tried. -NJ <3

Yoongi smirked, affection filling him from head to toe. “It’s perfect Namjoonie.”

/

Even with the six of them collecting enough money for a basic funeral, it wasn’t what Namjoon wanted for Daejung. Just for one day, he wanted him to be a King.

Tae came to him on the first of the month, kissed his lips and handed him a check for 800,000 won (800 in dollars). “Tae…” Namjoon started, trying to tuck it back into his palm. But the younger pushed his hand away.

“No…take it.” Namjoon wavered. “I mean it Hyung, I would have never made so much money this month if it wasn’t for your review.”

The elder flushed a rosy pink and dipped his head. “I dunno what you mean…”

Tae rolled his eyes, soft for him and pulled out his phone like a gun from its holster. “StarryNight95 isn’t just a cuddler. He’s a guardian angel. He’s sweet, he’s pure. And he cares. Like honest to god cares for you. He broke down each wall, eased each little pain. He inspires me. Thanks to him, I’m writing daily. I can’t stop. Aish, he’s an angel. The last true angel. Bright, beautiful and healing. He’s changed me. Made me want to be a better person. Made me realise I was ALREADY good. And he is too. He’s all that’s good and right in this world. If any one of you treats him wrong, there’ll be hell to pay- BlueJoon94”

Tae lowered his phone and Joon snapped his eyes away.

So, Taehyung moved into his space, cupped those cute little cheeks and pulled him into the most soaring kiss. One that had them gasping as they came up for air. Like they could drown in each other, like they wanted to. Namjoon chased his lips.

“Tae…”

“I love you.”

Namjoon’s eyes burst open. “Y-you…you don’t mean that…”

“Yes. I do.” he pressed their foreheads together, snug. “It sounds insane… we’ve barely known each other a month. But I…I look at you and…it’s like coming home.” Namjoon sucked in a breath. “You think you’re the only one who’s lost Hyung? I was gone with the wind before I met you. Didn’t know where I belonged, what I wanted, or my purpose in this world. Now I do.  You’re my answer.”

A lump formed in his throat, and Namjoon found himself whining. So Tae smiled, kissed him once again like he couldn’t help himself, and Namjoon had never felt so loved in his life.

/

With Tae’s money, Daejung’s funeral was beautiful. With only a little sister to speak of, it was just them and her. The boys surrounded and comforted her among a field of white flora. His picture beside the casket, a bygone day faded by time. When he was young, fresh and overflowing with energy.

Namjoon didn’t cry for the days he left behind.

That surprised them.

But if anything, he felt lucky. He got to live, he had a whole life ahead of him. He wouldn’t waste another second of it on tears.

Tae, he discovered, was a nervous giggler, and stifled his chuckles into Namjoon’s shoulder. Yoongi, the only one not lost to the tears, looked at them both like they’d snapped.

Like they were crazy.

After the service, Tae pouted his innocence. “I can’t help it…when everything gets heavy I just… laugh. It’s so embarrassing.” His lip jutted in a pout, and Namjoon kissed him as their car rumbled down the gravel track from the temple.

“Let’s make a pact.” the elder whispered. “No matter what... By the time we both return to this temple…it’ll be for a wedding.  And we can smile all we want.”

Tae beamed and carded Namjoon’s hair, breaking it free of the hairspray. “Deal.”

/

Yoongi moved out the following summer, finding a pretty apartment with Jimin not so far from their current. He’d um’d and ah’d about it for months. And when Namjoon finally forced his hand, he became oddly clingy.

He would pull him into his arms sad or not, would pout at him like he was kicking his puppy. “Yoongi… I’m happy for you, stop puppy dogging me.”

He cocked his head. “Ah, are you sure you’ll be okay here.”

“I’m certain. Jin’s just upstairs. I’ll see you at work too. I’m gonna gate crash you guys all the time anyway. Besides, Seokjinnie has been giving me cooking lessons. I’m getting good you know!”

Yoongi sighed. “I don’t want you to be alone…. or lonely. I’ll feel bad for it.”

“I won’t be alone.” Yoongi cocked his head. “Oh hyung, Where do you think Tae was gonna go, flutter up into the clouds? Jimin was his roommate, so now he needs a new one.”

Yoongi cocked a brow. “I thought you said you guys weren’t…you know…fucking yet?”

“So?”

“So…you’re gonna live in an apartment. With your man. And sleep in separate rooms?”

“Oh nonono! Hell no.”

“Then what…”

“Hyung don’t make me say it, it’s embarrassing” he covered his cheeks, bashful.

“Say what Namjoon, I’m non the fucking wiser here!”

Namjoon groaned. “I wanted to…try to seduce him…the night he moves in I mean. So nothings weird or awkward and he knows it’s like…it’s okay. To touch me like that.”

“Please never say the words ‘trying to seduce’ again.”

Namjoon curled into himself on the sofa. “Ugh! I know…I know I’m all gangly and I don’t scream sexy… I don’t even whisper it but-”

“That’s not what I meant.” Yoongi cut in, shifting to face him. “What I meant was, that trying too hard was always your problem. Trying to impress, trying to help, trying to make people want you. You can’t make Tae wanna fuck you. Just…let it happen Namjoon. Naturally. If you want it to happen that night, fine. But don’t force yourself to be something you’re not because you think that’s what he wants. Taehyung fell in love with messy, emotional, two left feet Kim Namjoon. He doesn’t want some other creation. Sex or no, none of us ever wanted anything but the real you.”

Namjoon huffed a breath and stretched out across Yoongi’s lap, heart swelling. “I’ll miss you so much hyungie.”

“What a sap, disgusting.”

“You love it really.”

“I do. But that’s a secret for you, me and one Park Jimin to take to the grave.”

/

His suitcase dropped to the floor with a squishy thud, and Tae scanned the room with all the awe of a child at Christmas.

He’d never seen so many lights in his life. Strings of stars, lanterns and colourful little baubles hung in U’s between the furnishings. The room glowed like the gates of heaven and Namjoon was stretching up, sweaty faced on a stool, to wind the last set of twinkle lights around the curtain rail.

The stool wobbled and Namjoon tumbled, but Tae caught him around the waist, helping him down from his perch. “Hey…” he breathed, dabbing the moisture beaded at his temple. “You’re early. I was gonna take another shower… I’m all sweaty now and I was…”

“Did you really do all this for me?”

Namjoon shrugged, shy. “You do nice things for me all the time, so…”

Tae hummed, content and kissed Namjoon under the glow of a thousand lights, the colours kaleidoscoping their skin.

“T-Tae…”

Tae grinned, wide and boxy, so fucking beautiful it was unreal. “Hm?”

“N-Never mind…”

Tae huffed. “Namjoonieee…”

“I just…”

“What?” his hands soothed down the sides of his neck, his voice deep and gruff. Fuck, it made Joon quiver. “C’mon, speak to me baby boy.”

Namjoon could have combusted on the spot. But he stayed strong. “It’s so…when you call me that…” his hands clenched at the nape of Tae’s neck, where his hair was starting to grow out.

“You like that?”

“Yeah…it makes me feel…” he took a deep breath. “I dunno. Like…pretty or something.”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Because I want you to feel real pretty… as I do you slow and deep on that rug.” All comprehension fled the room, and Namjoon closed his eyes. “Baby…”

“Fuck, Tae.”

“I will. Take off your clothes handsome, I’ll be right back.”

As he sauntered off, Joon got to work, peeling off his long-sleeved tee so quickly he ripped it at the seam. His pants were even more of a disaster.

His feet got tangled in his briefs and he ended up hitting his head on the coffee table. The thunk rattled Tae and he dropped the lube and the condom to the rug. “Aish…shit, come here, let me see…”

He moved Joon’s hands away, surveying the skin for any damage. “No blood. Ai, be careful…theres no need to rush, okay? I won’t leave you.”

Joon nodded, overwhelmingly aware of his nakedness. And Tae finally looked at him, eyes so soft they might weep from his skull. He looked at Joon like he was profound, and Namjoon didn’t know what to do with that. He covered his tummy with his arm, conscious of its slight pudginess. “Sorry I…”

“I love you so much Namjoonie.” Came the breathless answer. “You’re so pretty, aren’t you?”

“T-Taehyung!” he squeaked.

Tae didn’t answer…but he showed him. That night he fucking showed him how pretty he was. Lay him out in a field of stars and rolled into him in waves. And Namjoon chirped like a little bird, sung for him in broken notes.

Body on naked body, convulsing, writhing, bucking. Sex with Jin was nice, and sex with every other of his exes had been just fine.

But this…it didn’t feel like sex. It felt like bonding, it felt like two people moving as a single entity. They were one. They were complete.

Namjoon cried. Of course he did.

But curiously so did Taehyung, babbling in feverish nonsense how loved Namjoon was, or how he saved him. Tae came with Namjoon’s promise whispered against his lips. “I love you. Tae I’m yours…”

Namjoon came too, but he didn’t remember it much, all blurred up like a dream.

Tae told Joon that he thanked the artist. Over and over like a mantra.

Namjoon thanked him again. Tae giggled against his forehead. “Mm, you’re bruising a little. Here...” he pressed a kiss to his hairline. “All better.”

“I love you…”

“I love you too.” He murmured. “But what about you?”

“Hm?”

“Do you love yourself aswell?”

Namjoon nuzzled his cheek against Tae’s chest, watching himself through the blank TV screen. “I’m getting there.”

Chapter 7: Epilouge

Summary:

In which Namjoon runs to the temple with Tae on NYE and blows his little mind <3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The screech of joy echoed through a silent night, and the wind whipped his face as Tae was tugged in a sprint through the temple gates by one Kim Namjoon.

He laughed and stumbled as they scaled the stairs. “Namjoon-ah!” he gasped. “What the hell has you so…”

The elder didn’t answer, just towed him with a boundless energy up their little mountain to the peak.

It was five minutes or so until midnight, five minutes ‘til a new year.  “C’mon!” he chuckled. “Before it’s too late.”

When they reached the precipice, Tae’s chest was heaving. “Jagi, please tell me what’s-”

Namjoon spun him around by his hips.

“Wahhh…” Tae’s jaw dropped as he looked out upon the skyline. Up here above the pollution line, the sky was bright and clear. Star light speckled a lick of sapphire, and the moon was full and… “It’s-”

“A blue moon…and a starry night.” Namjoon’s long arms wrapped Tae up tight, warming him to the bone. He pulled Tae’s collar, stretching it over his shoulder and pressing his lips to the soft skin.

“Namjoonie…” Taehyung sighed, tilting his head back and kissing the rose stained highs of Namjoon’s cheek.

They were coloured cobalt under the moonbeam and the breezed lifted their hair in little tufts, as stray fireworks started to fill the city scape, starbursts of shade and light.

“Remember what I said to you, last time we were here?”

Tae hummed, still in awe of the stars. “Mm, Hyung, I’ve had a fuck load of Soju…”

“We promised the next time we came back here, it would be for a wedding. And that we’d smile all we wanted.” The steady arms disappeared like whispers from around his waist and Tae whined, turning to follow them.

“But what does that-“

The words died in his throat. Because Namjoon was down on one knee, cheeks dimpled, and looking at Tae like he was a miracle. So much wonder. “Tae…”

“Aish…”

“Marry me?”

There was a silence, where all that existed was Namjoon’s eyes and the distant explosions that resonated in Taehyung’s ears. “Namjoonie, I…” He almost didn’t say it. Because Namjoon looked so honest to god, ecstatically happy. But: “We can’t.”

Namjoon’s face crumbled. “You don’t want to?”

“Hey…” Tae came closer, cupping his cheeks and pressing a kiss to his bottom lip. “I never said that. It’s just… we literally can’t. Not unless we like move to America or-“

Namjoon laughed, jolting Tae out of his babble. “No, I don’t mean…like wedding, stiff suits, golden rings married. I know they won’t let us do that.” he covered Tae’s hands where they lay on his cheeks. “But Tae, before civilised society, before law and order and oppression, marriage was just…two people promising themselves to each other. Like I’d belong to you and you’d belong to me. Because we said so. N-Not in a creepy way, like I get that you’re still your own person, but I just mean…”

Tae kissed him, firm and tantalising, leaving his lips tingling in his wake. “Baby, I know what you mean.”

Namjoon smiled all sheepish and ran his fingers through his own hair. “Oh…good.”

“Ask me again.”

Namjoon’s eyes lit up with the sky and he dropped to his knee at the stroke of midnight. “Kim Taehyung…can I have you, can I be yours?”

Tae lowered himself to the floor on the temple courtyard and kissed him once more. A kiss that stole his breath and had his heart beating like the wings of a mason jar butterfly.

“Wait.” he gasped, tearing his lips away. “Are you kissing for a no or…”

“You are the worlds cleverest idiot.” Tae giggled. “I was yours from the moment the rain hit your skin.”

He gathered his lips like two petals between his and the world kaleidoscoped them in a rainbow of hues. After a while they pulled away and Namjoon nuzzled peacefully in the dip of Tae’s neck, the younger’s fingers trickling like rainfall down the curve of his spine. “Feather-light fingers, a new-fangled brain…”

“And rosebud lips that kissed the rain.” Taehyung beamed, kissing a line from his temple to his jaw. “I still can’t believe you wrote something so beautiful for m-“

“Up on a mountain, shrouded in the stars,” Tae blinked, Namjoon’s voice like crushed velvet to his ears. “A fragile flame that lit up the dark. With you drawing close, the demons strayed far, but I know it was me who threw the first sparks.”

Wow… “Fuck…”

Namjoon lifted his face, a little shy. “I dunno, does it sound sorta…self-important? ‘I know it was me that threw the first sparks’.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’s just that I…”

“Namjoon.” The tone was low with a command, leaving little room for argument. “It’s as beautiful as you are.”

And for once Namjoon didn’t fight him. How could he? When Tae was looking at him like that. It occurred to Namjoon that he was much like a diamond in the rough.

When he’d met Kim Taehyung, he was crusted with the dirt and dense rock that had him heavy with a sadness he couldn’t escape. But Tae, ever the artist had taken him in his palms and whittled away the access, until he was this gem, this glittering diamond.

He felt strong, beautiful, desirable. And he’d let Taehyung slip him into his breast bone pocket and keep him safe there for an eternity. Whatever that meant.

Because Tae was already pure, unriddled by life. He was already stout enough for the both of them.

A time would come where the world would beat that boy down, not even Namjoon could stop it from coming to fruition.

But when the storm swept over the land, flooded his face, and a gale knocked him back four hundred feet… Namjoon would take that pretty face between his palms. He’d hold him like he was holding the world in his hands. And when those tears trickled down his cheeks and caught that plush bottom lip, Namjoon would pull him in close.

He’d kiss the rain.

Notes:

AHHHHH It's the end! Thank you to @katesentance for requesting. You're angel. Also thank you to @PinkJinpls and @Chimxmyg for being the most beaut cheerleaders and @nyxqueenofshadows for being a fucking diamond as always.

I was so weary about tackling a 'unpopular' ship (aka a ship outside the A03 main ones) but you guys were honestly so beautifully supportive and made my heart all full and I adore y'all. This one was for all my angels with anxiety and depression. I got you boo and you're just as deserving of love and respect and comfort as anyone else. You are not weird and you are not a burden. You are loved.

 

Love you, Purple you!,

Liv <3