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Crazier Than You

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Their first date was in a corn maze in October. Derek had been bright red as he told Stiles about the nearby maze, and Stiles had thrown his arms around Derek, ecstatic. Stiles’s parents drove them to the maze, where they drank hot apple cider and marveled at 300 pound pumpkins and Derek watched Stiles climb the thirty bale-high hay mountain, yelling “I’m king of the hay!”

Stiles’s siblings decided to infiltrate their date, leaving Scott’s disembodied limbs scattered around the maze and peppering Erica’s creepy dolls throughout. Stiles was a little miffed at first, since it took them so long to finally go on a real date (Derek’s parents were firmly against Derek hanging out with Stiles, so when Laura got her license a year later she drove them to their other dates), and Derek watched him get increasingly frustrated before grabbing his hand. “Hey, it’s fine. I like your siblings. Plus, they added a little Stilinski flair.”

Derek kind of regrets his words when Lydia lets her spiders rain down on them once they reach the end of the maze, but it was kind of worth it to hear Stiles dissolve into a fit of glorious laughter at Derek’s horrified facial expressions.

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It was the end of their freshman year when Derek’s parents found out that him and Stiles had been maintaining a secret relationship. After having the mildly embarrassing, “gay sex requires protection, too” talk, they finally let Derek go free, and even drove him to some of him and Stiles’s dates, under the condition that Stiles come over for dinner one night.

Stiles brought a jar of his ancestor’s hyoid bones as a gesture of goodwill, and the Hales never required his presence at dinner ever again.

Not that Derek was complaining, he preferred dinner at the Stilinski’s anyway.

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Their sophomore year began with the arrival of a new kid at school, a boy named Jackson. He was a grade-a douche and constantly bothered Stiles and Derek about their relationship. Derek had a lot of classes with Jackson, and was used to his harassment. He was pretty good at ignoring it, since his parents were always willing to give him good advice regarding bullies and letting comments roll off of your back.

It was actually not until the november of their sophomore year when Jackson was able to get Derek and Stiles together and attack them then. Jackson never used fists, only words, but they were the harshest ones he could find. He called them faggots and cocksuckers to anyone who would listen, ranting about how his old school was so much better because it didn’t have homos in it. It was one of the worst days of Derek’s life, because he had seen Stiles cry for the first time.

The next day, it seemed that Stiles’s parents had given him some advice regarding bullies, too, and the next time he saw Jackson Derek watched Stiles dump a jarful of cockroaches down his pants in front of a bunch of people in the hallway. Derek could never forget Jackson’s screams as he ran down the hallway, shoving his pants down his legs.

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“What about this one?” Stiles asked, pointing to a mahogany one. Derek looked at it consideringly.

“The material is too expensive. I think I like the metal ones better,” Derek nodded his head towards the stainless steel, copper, and bronze ones on the other side of the room.

“Oooh,” Stiles said, hurrying over to them to run his hands along the smooth metals. “Cold,” he remarked, peeking inside one. “But the cushioning would keep you warm.”

“Can I help you boys?” A voice behind them asked, and Stiles and Derek turned around, not even startled, to face a tall man in a black suit staring down at them expectantly.

“Oh, we’re just browsing,” Stiles said flippantly, waving his hand in the air.

The man’s eyebrows bounced almost to his hairline. “Browsing?” His tone would have been amused if he wasn’t so surprised.

“Yup,” Stiles popped the ‘p,’ returning to his ogling.

“Oh, I did have a question. Do you prefer the stainless steel or carbon steel in your casket?” Derek asked, musing at the open caskets in front of them. “I can’t quite decide, especially since the price range is similar.”

The man looked bewildered, but he came up beside Derek. “Well, with the ones we currently have in stock, the main differences lie in the features. The stainless steel casket we have here is lined with ruffled fabric, and even has some memory drawers within the casket.” The man leaned past the boys and pulled open a secret compartment in the lid of the casket.

“Hm. What are the main uses of the memory drawers?” Stiles asked.

“Many family members like to bury their loved ones with items they held dear in life,” the man explained, but Stiles scoffed before he could continue.

“Why would you do that if you could use it? Wouldn’t they want to be able to have something that meant something to the dead person?” He turned to his boyfriend. “Derek, when I die, you get my eye collection.”

Derek looked startled. “For real? You don’t want it to go to Allison or something? I think she really likes your eyes.”

Stiles rolled said eyes. “Nah, you’re the one who’s always saying how pretty they are. I want you to have them all.”

“Wow, you’re so hot right now,” Derek murmured, and the funeral home director cleared his throat.

“So what is it you’re looking for? It might help to tell me what the person whose casket you’re looking for was like in life.” The man suggested.

“Oh, that’s helpful. Well, I’m not very attached to my things and I’m thinking a wood casket, it looks more like me than the metal ones. I think I like the pine. Is that one the weakest? I think I’d like to accelerate the decomp process if possible,” Stiles said conversationally, meandering towards the wooden caskets again. “Our family graveyard is already so moist, but I’d like to speed it up.”

The man looked pale. “You’re casket shopping for yourself?”

“Oh yes, I insisted and Derek loves to entertain me,” he replied, and the man looked to Derek for answers.

At the beginning of their relationship-friendship, Derek really hadn’t known what to think about the Stilinskis. Everything he and Stiles did seemed to be tainted by the dark and macabre, and even Stiles’s family had something majorly off about them (the whole head dismemberment really tipped him off there). It took a while, but Derek finally realized that every single family had their own brand of crazy...the Stilinski’s brand was just a lot more dark. Once he had that figured out, he found that it was just easier to go along with the crazy. In fact, it was kind of fun.

Derek shrugged at the salesman. “There are few things more romantic than shopping for caskets together. I really like the steel ones. You were saying about your stainless steel versus carbon steel…?”

Stiles perked up. “Also, do you have different makeup styles? I think I’d like black blush instead of pink, and I’d like to know if you provide that or if my family will need to.”

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Stiles flopped dramatically on Derek’s bed, thumbing violently through the career advising booklet they had been gifted from their school that day. “Why do we have to choose what we want to be so early in life? My dad is in his forties and still doesn’t know what he wants to be when he grows up.”

Derek shrugged in response, reclining in his desk chair. “Dunno. Probably because we need to decide if what we want to do requires us to go to college.” Stiles just sighed dramatically, and Derek looked at him pointedly. “You know we have to apply to colleges this summer if we want to go, right?”

Stiles groaned. “Only if we want to be early-acceptance over-achievers,” he griped, but sat up anyways. “I think I’ll just stick to some kind of anatomy shit. What would you even go for, anyways?”

Derek shrugged, but he could feel his cheeks heating up. “Well. I mean, I don’t know, but...you know when I draw those silly scribbles at the bottom of the notes I give you?”

Stiles perked up. “You mean your incredible cartoons at the bottom of your love letters?”

Derek knew he was tomato red, and his ears felt like they were on fire. “Yeah, sure. Well I kinda really like drawing. I maybe want to, like, draw cartoons for the rest of my life.”

Stiles absolutely lit up. “Oh my god, Derek, that would be so cool! Your drawings are so good! Everyone would love you!!” Derek’s heart swelled at Stiles’s words, absolutely in awe but not surprised by his support.

“I’m actually….” He paused, since he hadn’t really told anyone before, but Stiles was smiling at him so widely. “I’m actually working on a graphic novel right now.”

Stiles’s eyes were shining with pride. “For real? What is it about? Ghosts? Death? Undeath?”

Derek knew Stiles was kidding to grind on his nerves, but he shrugged. “Kinda, yeah.”

“You’re shitting me,” Stiles said, grin growing.

“Well, I mean...it’s about my life. Which means you...which means ghosts and death and undeath.” He steadily didn’t make eye contact with Stiles, but he could feel Stiles’s steady gaze on him.

“...I’m in your graphic novel?” He asked softly.

“Of course,” Derek replied. “I’ve actually been making little comic strips about us for a while, and now I’m compiling them into a collection and adding story in between them to make the novel.” He still refused to look at Stiles.

“You mean, it’s about us?” Stiles asked. Derek nodded. Stiles was silent for a moment, but then Derek felt the boy’s breath against his face. “We’re gonna make out so hard right now. Come on, up onto the bed.”

Derek looked at Stiles to see his huge eyes focused on Derek unwaveringly, and Derek felt his dick harden considerably. He didn’t resist as Stiles pulled him towards the bed.

His drawings, locked in the bottom right drawer of his desk, begged him to show them to Stiles, but he figured they had all the time in the world.

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Derek watched Stiles stand up on the stage, his hand gripped firmly around a cordless microphone. Derek himself has his hand tightly wrapped around Erica’s tiny hand, determined not to lose her in the large crowd. She had been wandering from them all day, her attention being caught by food, fluffy animals, and squirrels that she was determined to catch so she could practice her newfound skinning skills that she learned from a relative at their last Addams family reunion.

“Thank you for your attention,” Stiles finished, wrapping up the opening speech he had prepared for the fair about the history of 4H and many different animal genitalia. There was a smattering of applause, and Derek refused to let go of Erica’s hand to add his own enthusiastic clapping to the mix, so he just lifted his head and howled, knowing Stiles would appreciate it. He was rewarded by a kiss on the cheek.

“Come on, Lydia’s tarantulas need our votes,” he murmured in Derek’s ear, making Derek shiver.

He shook his head and started tugging Erica along. “I still don’t know how she convinced them to let her enter the competition with them.”

Stiles laughed. “Well, you know Lydia. When she wants something….”

“She shoves her way into it,” Derek finished, causing Erica to giggle. Derek looked down at her, bending over as they walked to get closer to her height. “Are you going to vote for your sister?”

Erica shrugged her tiny shoulders, clutching her doll. When Derek looked closer at it, he saw that it had vampire teeth. “I might be too tired. Maybe if you carried me, I could,” she smiled brightly, and Derek chuckled.

“Sneaky sneaky,” he said, then swung Erica onto his back as she squealed in surprise and delight. He laughed too, mostly at the way she kept trying to steer him with her loud shouts and pointed directions, and Derek indulged most of the time, galloping whenever she proclaimed “Horsie!” And even neighing once or twice. Her doll bounced merrily in her hand as she laughed, and after a few minutes Derek spared a glance at Stiles to see him smiling softly at them. It was a smile Derek had never seen on his face before.

“What’s that for?” Derek asked, giving his boyfriend a huge grin.

“Oh. Nothing,” Stiles replied, taking a bite of the caramel corn he had pulled out of his bag.

Later, after they had voted for Lydia’s tarantulas (which received third place in the other category, much to her chagrin) and given Erica back to her parents, Derek and Stiles walked around the fair, hand in hand. Although the sky was darkening, all of the rides and food trucks were lighting up, preparing for the older crowds. Derek could never remember feeling more content than at that moment, walking by carnival game booths, Stiles’s hand in his right, a fluffy pink cotton candy in his left.

Stiles was pulling him towards the ferris wheel, and though Derek wasn’t too fond of heights, he knew a good makeout spot when he saw one, so he let himself be tugged.

“You know,” Stiles started when they got in line, “I’m not in this for it to end.” He was looking intently at Derek, and although Derek didn't know what he was talking about, he had a feeling this conversation was about to be very important.

“What do you mean?” Derek asked, squeezing his fingers.

Stiles squeezed back, a little too hard, but his face remained neutral. “I mean that I want this to last. I want us to last. Like, on the forever front.”

Derek blinked in surprise. Up to that point, they had been together for five years. Stiles was Derek’s only real boyfriend. He had had little flings with other girls and boys when he was in middle school, but middle school relationships hardly counted. Unless, of course, you made it into high school like Stiles and Derek had. They walked onto the ferris wheel’s car, and let the man in charge of it lock and check their door before they were on their way up to load the next person into their car. Derek and Stiles were slid into the same seat, and Derek played with Stiles’s fingers, which were on his lap. “I...I want that too, Stiles.”

Stiles looked at Derek, and Derek could see every single spot on his face, they were so close. “I don’t want to end this after college. I... just seeing how much you love my family, that you love me...Derek, we’re going to have like tens of kids, okay? I just need to see you with babies like all the time,” he said, his hands flying into the air.

Derek laughed. “Okay. We can have loads of them.”

Stiles laughed, too. “Good. And I want a big house.”

Derek shrugged. “Not sure how much I’ll make on my salary, but I’m sure we can figure something out.”

“And it should be near a graveyard.”

“Or we could make our own,” Derek suggested, wiggling his eyebrows at Stiles.

“Oh god, you’re perfect,” Stiles murmured, launching himself at Derek for a kiss.

Derek wasn’t sure if the churning in his stomach was from the way their car swang precariously in the wheel or from Stiles. He was pretty sure it was a little bit of both.

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Their senior year had just finished up when the Stilinkis held a huge family gathering at their home. Apparently a family member died and everyone was in the mood to celebrate. Stiles, of course, immediately invited Derek. And Derek couldn’t refuse after seeing the look on Stiles’s
face.

“Ah, you must be young Derek! Stiles’s father has told me that you are quite a man with a sword,” the man in the pinstripe suit pulled him aside almost immediately, flashing a cunning grin at him.

Derek smiled uneasily. “I’ve had a lot of practice these last six years,” was all he said. “You must be Stiles’s Uncle Gomez.”

The man absolutely giggled with delight. “Ah yes! He must have told you, then!”

Derek shrugged. “I think you’re his favorite uncle.”

“His favorite uncle!?” A range of emotions flashed across Gomez’s face before it settled on touched, and he patted his suit. “Well, I am an Addams. We grow on people. And some, like Cousin Fun, actually grow on people!” He clapped Derek on the back, clearing his throat. “Well if you’re still around later, we will have that sword fight. I’m sure you are a worthy adversary, though I doubt you could beat Lurch!”

Derek laughed good-naturedly. “From what I’ve heard, I don’t think I could even compare to Lurch.”

Gomez laughed, his smile wide. “Good man!” Just as he wandered off, Derek felt a familiar hand grab his wrist and he was pulled to another part of the party.

“And this is my Aunt Morticia! She’s Dad’s older sister. Aunt Tish, this is my boyfriend, Derek.”

Derek smiled slightly, trying not to go too overboard. In the few experiences he had with Stiles’s family, he knew that too much happiness worried them. “Hello, Mrs. Addams.”

“Please, call me Aunt Tish,” she said, her voice deeper than Derek expected and her expression not unsimilar to that of a snake who just saw a slow mouse. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Derek.” She kissed his hand and continued on her way, black dress slinking behind her.

“And this is Wednesday, my favorite cousin!” Stiles was already dragging him to the next person. Wednesday was very similar-looking to her mother, with a black bob cut and a cute black dress that was shorter than Morticia’s. She had a predatorily large smile that reminded Derek of a crocodile’s, and she was tightly grasping the arm of a handsome man with blonde hair and khakis. Derek noted the rings on their fingers and pegged the man as her husband.

“Pleasure, Derek. Stiles has told me all about you. He said that you helped him electrocute your old chemistry teacher?” Her eyes looked gleeful. Derek quickly decided he never wanted to be on her bad side.

“Oh, and that time he stayed up for days to help dig up Cousin Blob’s second head that was lost after the mudslide!” The blonde man said knowingly, and Derek blinked. It was so odd to hear words like that coming from someone who looked so...normal.

“Sorry Derek, this is my husband, Lucas. He knows as much about you as I do, seeming that he alway likes to get into my business.” The look she gave him indicated that this was a long-standing argument between them.

“Well, that’s what married people do. Care about their partners,” Lucas said, smile tight.

“I’ll cut you,” Wednesday suddenly burst out, turning to Lucas.

“I dare you,” Lucas said back, his smile growing into a real one.

“Well, as your wife it’s my job to be your tormentor,” she said nonchalantly, though her grip around his arm was tightening so much that his hand was turning purple.

“Ugh, let’s get out of here before they start making out,” Stiles said, dragging Derek away from his cousin.

“Hmm. Not a bad idea,” Derek mentioned.

“What? Kissing?” Stiles asked, turning to face him.

“And tormenting,” Derek grinned.

Stiles’s smile was absolutely beautiful. “Now you’re thinking like an Addams.”