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sometimes a mystery (oh me, oh my)

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Working at Vicky's Secret for the past three years definitely had not been on Louis’ vision board when she started at the University of London four years ago. Sure, she came out of the closet, to both her peers and family, started her drama and education degree, and began dating girls.

But it turns out her family already knew she was gay, she hates going to class, and no girl has bothered to date her for longer than five months. Which is fine.

But she had hoped that she would have graduated and started her career by now, instead of folding underwear that costs more than she makes in an hour.

Her fingers brush across the newest model of their push-up bra, something she would never feel comfortable in, no matter how small her boobs are. There’s a small part of her that wonders why she ever got accepted to this job. She had applied for a laugh half-drunk out of her mind, as a way to meet cute girls. Shit luck there.

Louis hears a cheer behind her near the dressing rooms. Every summer it feels like a whole hen party clamours into the seedy knockoff Victoria’s Secret, “smartly” called Vicky’s Secret, on the side of the motorway just to laugh at their lingerie and sex toys. She’s used to the sound of overly dramatic gasps, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.

“I promise I won’t let you down,” a posh accent remarks, as the office door next to the dressing rooms clicks shut. “I hope I fit in with all the other girls. I just moved here from Cheshire for UCL.”

The voice gets louder. There’s a girl with flowing chocolate hair like streamers walking towards her. The drawstring of her scarlet jumpsuit jingles with each step, accentuating her wide hips that Louis just wants to bite.

Somehow, there’s a ball of clearance thongs in Louis’ clenched hand by the time the new girl is in front of her. Louis audibly gulps as she finds her eyes drawn to cleavage wrapped in red fabric.

“Um, is that how we’re supposed to fold those?” The brunette points at the wrinkled cloth in Louis’ hands.

“Uh -”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I was supposed to come over here to ask you to train me and instead I criticized your technique.” The girl covers her mouth as she slowly turns pink, “and I just rambled at you without introducing myself. Get it together, Harry.”

“Soo, I’m guessing you’re name’s Harry?” Louis tries to smile but it comes out as a grimace, “kind of heard your whole speech about being from Cheshire, I’m Louis from Doncaster.”

By now Harry’s face matches her red jumpsuit, “Oops, didn’t know I was being that loud. But it’s nice to meet you, Lady Louis of Doncaster.” She sends a cheeky wink at her and Louis feels tingly.

“Can I make the excuse that I’m kind of distracted by your piercings?” Harry makes an aborted motion towards the industrial in Louis’ left ear.

Oh yeah. Louis had initially gotten some of her piercings in a stupid attempt to signal her gayness to passerby. Turns out everyone still thought she was straight until she cut all her hair off. After that, she started getting piercings just because she liked the jewellery. In her eyes, they’re less of a commitment than a tattoo. She doesn’t think there’s any chance she could ever have a good enough reason to get a tattoo.

Louis blushes and touches her ear, “Yeah?”


When Louis parks in front of the dead neon sign spelling out “Vicky's Secret” the next day, something feels off.

She can feel someone looking at her.

She puts on her resting bitch face and unlocks her door, maybe if she sneaks in the person won’t notice.

“Lou Lou!”

Louis stops in her tracks and turns around as a beautiful Desi woman approaches her on four-inch-heeled kicks. Drowning in an oversized pink collared shirt that flashes way too much cleavage, Louis’ best friend looks like a model stranded on the side of the motorway. Louis tenses, instantly knowing whatever her friend is so giddy about isn’t good for her.

“I heard a new gayby got hired at your store. Lucky.” Anyone who didn’t know the inner workings of Zayn would have assumed her deadpan tone belied that she was bored with the news. Louis knows better.

Another reason Louis applied for a job at a lingerie store on the side of the motorway was that her best friend worked at the tattoo parlour right next door. Zayn was the first friend she made in London due to their dual shyness that they hid with scathing replies (Louis) and sexual invitations (Zayn). Also weed. Lots of weed.

“She was cute. I honestly would be jealous if I didn’t know how badly you need someone to clear away those cobwebs in your pussy.” Zayn shakes her head, brushing the soft hair of her undercut.

“You’re literally dating two people right now.” Louis points out. She honestly doesn’t know how a polyamorous relationship can work when she can’t even find one girl who wants to be with her. “Besides, how are you so sure she’s gay?”

Zayn points at the car next to Louis’ that’s covered with rainbows and a bumper sticker that reads, “Treat people with kindness.”

“Also she was fucking rocking a loud jumpsuit. And that’s queer culture.”

“Huh.” Louis doesn’t know what to do with this new information.


One hour into Tuesday and Louis is ready to tear her hair out and hide under the register. She doesn’t know who tipped every Uni girl in the area to go to their shop to get sexy Halloween costumes, but she can’t take another girl who sasses her about the lack of costume accessories. They’re a lingerie shop for chrissakes, why in the hell would they have cheetah-printed ears on hand?!

Harry nods, at the other end of the store, looking earnest, as the girl across from her rants about finding some dragon-themed lingerie. Louis can’t imagine how a fire-breathing creature could be sexy, but she also doesn’t have any plans this Halloween, so what does she know?

Instead, she has some plans with Beetlejuice, an assortment of candy, and for dessert, her vibrator and thoughts of Harry’s deep voice. Zayn and her partners both disapproved of Louis’ plans and had invited her to their costume party, but she has strong thoughts that it’s just a front for another orgy invitation. And to be honest, she’s a little tired of drinking screwdrivers while watching Zayn get screwed.

“Well, have a nice day…” Harry calls after dragon girl as she storms out of the shop empty handed. “All I said was that we didn’t have the products right now and we would have to fast order them. I don’t know if I’m cut out for customer service, Lou.” Harry’s fair skin looks flushed now as she breathes shallowly, looking at Louis for guidance.

“Breathe in…” Louis puts a hand up to Harry’s back, the flimsy material warm from the girl’s body heat, “and breathe out.” She can’t think of anything to say to comfort her crush. She hates all customers, heck she hates herself when she’s a customer.

“Sorry for freaking out,” Harry frowns, “I hate it when people yell at me. I don’t know how you can stand working here for so long dealing with all these stuck up customers,” she adds, lowering her voice so that the two posh girls perusing the display of foxtail buttplugs won’t hear. “Do they ever treat this place more than a sideshow? Not that there aren’t some questionable items here.” Harry’s eyes bug out in the direction of their literally shocking lingerie that had given Harry electrical shock a few days ago.

(Louis gulps. She remembers watching Harry fold the electric blue panties and hearing a sharp moan from the girl before she stuck her shocked finger into her mouth.

All Louis could think about that night was putting Harry in those panties and sucking her nipples while Harry’s body shakes from the electric shocks to her clit.

She definitely did not get any sleep that night. But she came four times.)

“Well, it’s not that bad when it’s not the Holidays...or during wedding season…or the summer...” Louis counters.

“So it’s fine for a couple months?” Harry grins with a teasing lilt in her voice.

“Well, yeah. But during those months it’s usually just couples who want to learn about how to utilize everything to expand their sex life. And I guess it is empowering.”

“Better than hen parties,” Harry returns, smiling wider now. “I don’t know how you do it Lou, but talking to you just makes everything better.”

“Oh,” Louis can feel her ears heating up. “Um.” She wants to pull one of Harry’s ringlets and watch it spring back. She wants to tease her back, as she would with Zayn, and make Harry blush prettily for a happy reason. But instead, she just bares her teeth in an awkward smile and turns to the display she was sorting out before. “Thanks. I mean, same.”


On and on it went. Nearly every day the next month, Louis would say something awkward in response to something heartfelt (or flirty??) from Harry. And each time, she felt Harry get more and more disheartened.

“So now I have to just find a new job, change my name, and start over in Scotland,” Louis nods decisively, cracking her knuckles as she slumps in the comfy chair in the front of the tattoo parlour. It’s comfy as shit, but that doesn’t solve her problem that she’ll never find love because she can’t talk to girls.

“Wait a fuckin’ second,” Niall mutters, glaring at Louis like she just said that they/them pronouns aren’t valid. “You could just as easily start your life over in Ireland! Not to mention the fact that you could just ask her out.”

Louis makes a loud sigh, “Just because you’re a Lesbian Hero and actually managed to ask out a girl you saw from across the room doesn’t mean everyone can. Plus it’s definitely too late now.”

She swirls her straw in the glorified milkshake Liam got her and makes a loud, dejected slurp.

In a loud flurry of bells from the door, Zayn blows into the tattoo parlour with the icy December wind flowing behind her. Today she’s wearing a pink summer dress layered with thick stockings and a peacoat. Louis marvels at how her best friend can look like a strawberry swiss roll, yet still look like she came off the runway.

At the sight of Louis in her chair, Zayn beams. Oh no.

“They need you in the shop!” Zayn cheers.

“But it’s my day off and the shop just closed,” Louis slurps. “Also I’m in the middle of a crisis right now.”

“Sucks.” Zayn deadpans, “but they need you to do inventory or something. Also, can you return this? I didn’t use it, promise.”

Louis looks at the thin, purple vibrator in Zayn’s hand and back at her best friend...and back again, “The shop is ten feet away, why don’t you do it?”

Zayn casually shrugs, “The shop’s locked, I think, you’re the one with the key. Bye!”

And with that, Louis is kicked out.


Louis is surprised that the door is actually locked. When she walks in, there’s only one light on in the back of the shop. It looks like the end of shift duties were already completed, including inventory. Louis rules it off as another weird joke Zayn said in order to have some private time with her partners. She resolves to just turn off the last light and head on home.

Until she hears singing.

I know they’ll be coming to find me soon
But I feel I’m getting used to
Being held by you

Oh Baby, look what you’ve done to me
Oh Baby, look what you’ve done now

The first thing Louis sees is golden skin. Harry is in a dressing room with the curtain drawn open to show the younger girl admiring herself in the mirror.

She’s in a black, lacy babydoll with fishnets. The lingerie is see-through and Louis can see a matching bra underneath. The fishnets aren’t attached to the garter belt, almost like she’s still in the middle of dressing. She looks like a sexy princess, even while making faces in the mirror at herself.

Louis wants to bite her stomach, kiss up her thighs, lick her molten centre. But as always, she’s frozen.

The floor under Louis’ foot creaks.

“Who’s there?” Harry gasps as she turns around, “Louis?”

At the sound of her name and at the glint in Harry’s eyes, something comes over Louis.

She springs forward, dropping her bag on the floor. She pushes Harry against the dressing room wall, savouring the soft “oh” she lets out, and kisses the girl who’s been stuck in her mind for the past few months.

Her lips are sweet and full and taste like everything Louis’ ever wanted. She runs her hands across Harry’s smooth shoulders and arms, smiling into the kiss as she feels goosebumps. I did that.

Going lower, she slides her hands under the babydoll and unhooks the bra. She bites her lip as it slowly falls off, revealing Harry’s breasts pushing up against the see-through, lacy material.

Fuck. Harry has a nipple piercing. The silver barbell twinkles at Louis, and she can’t hold back. She sucks and bites at the nipple through the lace, her hand coming up to pinch at the other piercing-less tit, revelling in Harry’s loud moans.

As she pulls back to appreciate her handiwork, she sees Harry shiver at the coldness of the spit-soaked fabric against her. And between her thighs, her panties are completely soaked. Guess they can’t put that back into inventory.

“Fuck. You’re so wet, baby.” Louis kneels down and kisses up Harry’s thighs. She wants to bite the fishnet material and completely ruin it. She runs a finger on the fabric separating her from the girl’s wetness and feels Harry shiver above her. “Let’s get this off, lovely.”

Harry obediently steps out of the panties, giving Louis a great view. Her crush definitely goes all natural, and Louis just wants to taste. It’s like Harry’s a magnet that she can’t pull away from.

“Wait,” Harry almost trips in her haste to get down on the floor onto her back, “please touch me, please, please.”

“Please touch you where babes? What do you want?” Louis lightly trails her fingers along Harry’s thighs, getting closer to the girl’s centre each time but never touching. She delights as Harry gets more desperate, thrusting her hips up in an attempt for Louis to just touch her.

Finally, Louis takes pity on the writhing girl below her and sticks one finger into her pussy. Harry gasps immediately, but once Louis reaches her G-Spot, she sobs, “Yes.”

Louis adds another finger, and at this point she’s sure Zayn can hear Harry’s moans and calls for a higher power. She thrusts a few more times and feels the thighs encasing her start to tremble.

Oh god, yes, fuck, fuck, don’t stop!” Harry knocks her head against the floor as she starts making noises higher in pitch than Louis has ever heard come out of her before.

“Fuck,” Louis remarks, “you sure come hard, lovely.”

Harry smiles back at her dopily, “Just wait ‘til round 2. But first I need you to sit on my face.”

“Um,” Louis loses the ability to speak, “Uh. Really? You want that?”

“Fuck yeah,” Harry’s voice is even raspier than usual from her earlier cries, and Louis can feel herself growing wetter. “Think about it all the time. You riding my face, imagining how hot you must sound while you fall apart from my mouth.”

Louis starts to shuffle out of her jeans at that image, “Fuck, okay, yeah, totally. Um, and just for the record this isn’t just happening because I found you in lingerie. I actually, um, really like you? Like, in a dating way?”

Harry gives her a fond smile, “Yeah, kind of guessed that by the fact that I’m the only person you can’t talk to without stuttering. I didn’t know it would take me trying on some new merchandise for you to admit it though.”


Laughter rings out thunderous and bright around the table at the local gay pub in Soho. Rainbow flags, sprigs of holly, and mistletoe with silver ribbons hang from the walls and ceiling, and a gaudy rainbow tree stands in the corner. All around the table, Louis’ friends wait for the birthday girl to show up while gleefully sharing embarrassing stories about her.

Unfortunately, for them, the birthday girl has preoccupied herself with someone else ten feet away.

“Zayn’s going to know exactly what we’re doing!” Louis argues, half-heartedly. Harry, the giraffe, slowly kisses down Louis’ body, paying special attention to the little chub of her stomach.

“Do you really want me to stop?” Harry whispers against her skin, her hot breath making Louis shiver in the small bathroom stall. “Or would you rather kiss me at the table with the taste of yourself on my tongue?”

“Don’t stop!” Louis replies, shaking in anticipation once she feels what’s in Harry’s hand. One of their new products perfect for Harry’s plan to take Louis apart in little time.

She puts the mouth guard vibrator into her mouth and turns it on, and Louis suddenly feels like she’s going to faint. Harry’s tongue feels like the perfect vibrator as it flicks over her clit and licks into her centre. Louis feels her eyes roll back as she holds onto the wall behind her.

Harry makes as if she’s pulling back, but Louis aggressively holds onto her girlfriend’s head, moving it where she needs that tongue to lick into her. She can feel herself sliding down the wall while using the little strength she has to thrust into the vibrating mess.

Oh god, uh, uh, uh, yes!” Louis feels herself gush wetness as she comes, letting out a high whine as the vibrations don’t stop when she lets go of Harry.

Harry doesn’t pull away from Louis’ pussy, although Louis can hear her say, “Happy birthday, darling,” as she focuses on her clit, making the older girl come two more times in succession.

Louis sighs as Harry finally resurfaces, her curly hair dishevelled and face content, “I fucking love you.”