you’re an asshole
you’re also really bad at giving head
i pity whoever has to suffer through that the next time you fuck and run
maybe you’ll choke on their cock and die
then everyone wins
is it bad that im lowkey turned on??
also idk who you are but im pretty sure bad dick game guy gave you a fake number
i’ve been unwillingly celibate for almost a year now
are you serious?
you weren’t at hoseok’s party last night?
while i do know a hoseok
and im aware he did have a party last night
i was not there
god no I’M sorry
those were some massively aggressive texts to send first thing in the morning
i’m sorry you had to see that
ugh of COURSE the fucker who ran off in the middle of the night gave me a fake number
because why wouldn’t he
i’m so stupid
god and i’m still texting you
i’m really sorry
i’ll leave you alone now
thanks for being nice about this
whoa hey you don’t have to apologise for anything
it sounds like you had a really bad night
you can vent all you want
this is a judgment free zone
well except for the douchelord who fucked and ran
he gets judged and trashed until the end of time
ngl the kaomoji makes that sound extra threatening
i love it
i’m yoongi btw
if it wasn’t super obvious already
i’m a guy and very gay
if that’s a problem then we can block each other and move on with our lives
listen i know its super weird bc we don’t actually know each other
but every time you get lowkey aggressive it Does Things to me
like i wanna offer to give you the best blowjob Ever to make up for your shitty night
but i also want to pet your hair?
and i don’t even know if you have nice hair?
oh and im taehyung
also a guy, also very gay
how do you know hoseok?
there’s a lot to unpack there
that … isn’t helpful
but very cute
hoseok and i went to high school together
and we work together now
what about you?
how do you know him?
and why weren’t you at his party?
aw so cute
i know hoseok on account of being roommates with his boyfriend’s other boyfriend
and i wasn’t at the party bc i don’t think i was invited?
i mean he did invite me
does it count if your roommate tells you about it and then says
oh btw hobi said you can come too
i didn’t want to overstep so i stayed home
besides i wanted to check out the sabrina reboot
and i don’t think you can do that at parties
( ´·ᴗ·` )
you can but you’d probably leave with a weird reputation
and fwiw you would’ve been very welcome
hoseok loves meeting new people
although you wouldn’t technically count as new
seeing as you live with seokjin and all
they’re pretty good friends considering all the pining and being general idiots
lol i’ll take your word for it
the part about being welcome i mean
actually i’ll take your word for all of it
i’d really have no way of knowing
oh sorry i thought
aren’t you and seokjin friends?
i’m not sure?
i’ve only lived with him for a few months
and okay yeah he’s my emergency contact
but that’s only bc i don’t really know anybody else here
you don’t have to answer any of this if you don’t want to
like we can just rant about guys with bad game
that’ll be fun too
you seem really nice and it’s been so easy to talk to you
and i guess i forgot that we only met like an hour ago
and i’m using the word met really loosely here
ugh idk what i’m trying to get at
i think the most tragic part about last night was that douchelord almost put me off of big dicks completely
like it wasn’t bad enough that he failed at oral
you’re the really nice one yoongi
i kinda have to keep reminding myself that i’ve only known you for an hour
known should go in quotes or something
and we can play twenty questions
it’ll be fun!
( ﹡ˆ ˆ﹡ )
how did he almost ruin big dicks for you?
like i have a theory
based on his innate douchiness
but there are so many possible ways to do it and i’m curious
wait can we do this instead
on the count of three
you tell me what your theory is
and i’ll tell you what actually happened
like we both hit send together?
it might not sync up
but i’m curious uwu
(＊❛⃘ ⌣ ❜⃘⃘ )*♩.⋆
yeah let’s do it
we’ll hit send at exactly 10:45
he didn’t use enough lube
he wouldn’t fuck my face
oh lol nah
you can’t pass to anal if you fail at oral imo
i think i blacked out for a minute?
yeah i’m rereading your texts and i definitely blacked out
he wouldn’t fuck your face
and so he almost ruined big dicks for you
did you know
it’s considered polite to warn people before springing info like that on them?
especially when said people have already shown how easily turned on they are by mild aggression
you’re very cute
i disagree but thank u
this is the face i make when i run into puppies on the street
this is also the face i’m making reading your texts
you do the math
have you looked in a mirror recently???
learn to warn people before springing stuff on them
also that bedhead
i stand by my earlier thing about wanting to pet your hair
would also be cool with yanking on it some
but only if that’s your thing too
you need to come with a warning label too
how are you making “pls let me pull on your hair uwu” work
lET ME BREATHE???
（ ˆᴗˆ ）
first off that’s the most insincere oops i’ve ever seen
second pouting is illegal
collarbones are also illegal
lowkey want to make the mole on your nose illegal too
but that can wait i guess
why are you outlawing half my upper body?
wait was that not a good selfie?
i can’t tell if you’re being serious or not
but on the off chance that you are
you are the single most beautiful human being i have ever seen
and you’re wearing a onesie
it should be ridiculous
but mostly i’m just really really happy that the jackass gave me the wrong number
because w o w
i’m very into hair pulling
i was being serious
thank u yoongi
can we play twenty questions now?
i have lots of comments about your selfie
and about other things you might be into
but i want to be cool about it and slip stuff in mid-convo
as opposed to just randomly telling u that your nose is adorable
u want to go first?