I really can't believe my life.
Here I am, sat in the god a mischiefs arms, butt naked and the size of maybe a two year old (If I'm being generous.) Loki's got this wicked grin on his face and his finger boops my nose lightly, I try to bite him.
How'd I get here?
It was like any other Friday, I had my bag packed to stay at the tower this weekend and I was getting ready for school. Aunt May was in the kitchen attempting to make me French toast - Spoiler it's charcoal by the time I come out to eat - and I'm packing my bag. I'm quick to dress in a plain grey shirt with a flannel over it, my jeans and a pair of trainers to go with the outfit, I'm then making sure I've got all of my homework in my bag when I hear May call. "Peter, I need to talk to you!" She shouts to me and I give a sigh, poking my head out I raise an eyebrow.
"Hey May, what's going on?" I ask, she's holding the....'French toast' on a plate and looks sheepish as she sets it on the counter.
"So Petey pie...." She starts awkwardly.
Oh god, somethings wrong.
"I've spoken to Tony about this and he's already agreed to everything so don't worry about anything and-"
Did I miss something? No she's just rambling.
"May?" I call out awkwardly.
"And I know you have your half term coming up and you really wanted to spend it with Ned and-" She continues, apparently not hearing me, I try again.
"May." I watch her completely ignore me as she continues to ramble. "Oh goodness and I know you really wanted to go see the movies and hang out with every one but I really-" One more time.
"May!" I shout a little and she goes quiet, I give a deep sigh. "Can you get to the please point, I need to go soon." I mutter, she grins awkwardly at me.
"I'm going away for a few months and you'll be spending that time living with Tony at the tower and compound..." She lets me know and I freeze up.
"What?! No way Aunt May that's so cool! and-" I pause for a moment.
Did she say months?
"Did you say months?" I ask unsure. It was already October, how much longer could she be away?
"Well...I'm being moved to Arizona until mid April." She says un-sure and I stare in shock, that's Seven months.
"That's Seven months May!" I say shocked and May gives me this look that just screams 'Please don't be mad'. I give a deep sigh and rub my face. "What about school?" I ask with a sigh, my school was a good three hours away from the tower. She gets that same look again.
"So...For the next Seven months Tony's gonna home school you..." She raises her hand when I go to argue. "He's already got tutors in place and it's all sorted with the school and they're putting it down as an excelled teaching programme." She says calmly and I groan. "You'll be staying there as of tonight and Tony's promised to let your friends round so it's straight home from school to pack more ok?" She tells me, I grumble and grab my bag. "I mean it Peter, I wont be here tonight but Tony will so you better be home on time." She warns. I groan loudly and wave my hand.
"See you later Aunt May" I huff out stomping down the stairs of my apartment and out the door.
I keep walking towards the subway to get to school, I could see Avengers tower from where I was and frowned. It's not like I didn't want to be there, it was just a case of being away from May and my friends for so long. It wasn't going to be something I enjoyed, especially when it included school work.
God I really am selfish.
"Spare change?" A voice cuts through my inner thoughts suddenly and I turned to see an elderly homeless man sitting at the opening of an ally. Not thinking much about it I approach him with some change in hand.
"Here you go man, you need it more than I-AH!" I yelp as the man grips my arm and drags me towards him. Before even my spider-senses could kick in I was in a black void with the elderly man smiling cheerily at me. "....So...you're not a homeless old man?" I ask awkwardly, not sure what to do.
Then things get weird.
The old mans clothes and body start to change and morph to a younger, more pale looking figure. It takes me a moment to realise who I was now standing in front of.
It was Loki.
"Hello Peter!" He says with a chuckle, green eyes alight with mischief. See, I don't have a bad relationship with Loki, in fact he's helped me prank Clint a couple times since coming home with Thor from Asgaurd - But one thing I do know is that if he's giving you that look, you better prey that it's to help him and not be a part of his plan.
"Hey...Mr.Loki sir...can you urm...explain the whole black void kidnapping deal?" I ask unsure. Loki, the ever happy bastard he is just grins more at me and casually walks over and slings an arm around my shoulders.
"Well you see Peter, I need to get back at Stark and the others. The other day they just would not stop bringing up that horrible myth about me being a mother to a horse - A Horse Peter - so I figured, what better way to get back at them then to make little Peter well...Little." He says with a shrug. The smile only grew as I gulp.
"I'm sorry what?" I ask confused and he chuckles.
"Come now Peter, you run circles around them already at your age." He pauses and sighs as I still don't understand. "I'm going to shrink you down to a babe and leave you in their care for a while to teach them not to joke with me, whilst that's happening I'll be off...exploring." He says casually.
I didn't even get a chance to fight back as the world suddenly felt disoriented. I realised Loki was growing bigger and bigger and soon standing became a hassle and I ended up falling onto my butt.
Oh god I'm shrinking
"Loki no!" I squeak out, covering my mouth as I hear my voice. Tears in my eyes I stare up at the god who was still growing.
"First of all, Loki yes, Second of all Peter relax, you'll keep your memories. This isn't a punishment for you, just them. Now lets see..."
After that Loki had picked me up, stripped me of my clothes and was currently inspecting every inch of me. "Hm...You're smaller than I thought you'd be Peter." He comments, I growl out at him, pushing against him with all my might. Loki just laughs at me like....like a child.
"H..how old?" I grind out, though I hear it come out as a slurred 'Huw Eld' apparently I didn't have a good grasp of speech right now.
"Oh now that's adorable." Loki comments, before I could even blink we're out side Bucky and Steve's balcony, no one was there at the moment. "Well little Peter, I'm gonna let you know that you're a year and five months, seeing as your birthdays in April and all." He comments grinning at my frown. "Oh don't give me that. I'll be back by your second birthday, Maybe." He laughs a little, I pale at the thought.
"NO!" I squeak out, struggling in his arms as he deposits me onto the floor outside.
"Now now Peter, Barnes will be here any moment and I'm sure he wants a very behaved little boy. Now this Letter has all the information they need." Loki says calmly taping a piece of paper to the window. I gape at him and growl as he pats my head. "Now be a good little monster and make them regret making fun of me." With that he disappeared. It took me a moment to realise two things.
- I was stuck outside on a balcony butt ass naked in the middle of October.
- I wasn't even two years old.
I start smacking the door angrily to try and open in. "Friday?" I call out, wincing at the slurred way my voice came out it didn't even sound like Friday, more like 'ea-ya'. The AI obviously didn't respond to me, but true to Loki's word Bucky appeared out the elevator, looking unsure and slightly concerned.
"Shit me doll, you weren't kiddin', that's a pretty tiny babe outside." Bucky's voice mutters, I'm sure he thinks I can't hear him but obviously Spider-Man super hearing.
"There seems to be a note on the window Mr.Barnes. I suggest reading it and bringing the child inside." Friday's voice echo's out and I flinch a bit in shock at the sheer amount of concern in her voice. Bucky nodded stiffly and moved towards the window, opening the door he snatches the note off the glass and looks at me awkwardly.
"Hello there....naked child..." He says awkwardly and honestly, if I wasn't so scared and freaked out right now I would of laughed. "Jeez...how do you talk to kids again." He mumbles, getting down onto his knee's he shoots me a smile. "Now, what'cha doin' out here kid?" He tries to sound relaxed and happy but honestly it sounded more strained and forced.
Super spy assassin guy my ass.
"Mr.Barnes I suggest bringing him in side, it is below -5 degrees out side." Friday comments and Bucky winces.
"Ok kiddo, I'm gonna pick you up and take you inside...please don't y'know...pee or puke on me." He mumbles, hands inching towards me awkwardly. I flush darkly at the comment and try to move back but find my legs aren't as strong as I thought they were and I end up falling backwards. Thankfully Bucky catches me before I connect with the ground and carefully lifts me up. "Jesus kid, you're freezin'" He mumbles, moving inside the building he slams the door shut, I flinch at the force. "Friday, doll. Put the heating on." He mumbles, moving towards his sofa and grabbing my favourite blanket for whenever I'm up on his and Steve's floor. "Don't make a mess of that, Peter will be heart broken if you mess it up." He warns, wrapping it around me tightly he sets me on the sofa and starts reading the note out loud in a monotone voice whilst sitting with me.
That was a mistake.
"Dear Avengers, It's me your boy, Loki. You're favourite god of all time. Seeing as you enjoy poking fun at false myths about children I supposedly had, I'm bringing you your own Child. You all remember Peter Parker..." He trails off reading it in his head. "...Peter?" He asks and I look up at him quietly. "...If that's you say my name." He says watching me. I groan internally and sigh knowing this was going to be embarrassing.
"....Bucky.." I flush hearing my tiny, squeaky voice saying 'Bubby'. Bucky looked ready to melt at the sound.
"Oh kid." He mumbles picking me up again. "Friday, doll, can you get the others up here?" He asks holding me closer to him. I squirm in annoyance and Bucky just snorts.
"They're all on their way up Mr.Barnes. All seem very curious about what is going on." Friday lets us know, I grumble as Bucky moves me around in his hold so my face is in his chest lightly. A ding let us know the others had arrived so I allowed my self to be held closer, I'll admit to ramming my face into his chest causing him to grunt.
"Oh shit-" Clint's voice cuts through the silence, I didn't want to turn to see them looking at us and I almost had a heart attack at the protective growl that came from Bucky.
"Clint. Shut it." He growls out, holding my a little tighter.
"Buck...What's with the kid?" Steve asks carefully, I hear movement and I give a low whimper, Bucky stiffened again and turned his body.
"Doll. Read the note for me." Bucky grinds out, a glance shows Bucky all but glowering at not only Steve but every other Avenger that's standing in the room, the list included -
I shiver and look at Bucky quietly as he holds the note to be scanned and soon Friday's voice echo's through the room, my head hides away again.
It's me your boy, Loki. You're favourite god of all time.
Seeing as you enjoy poking fun at false myths about children I supposedly had, I'm bringing you your own Child.
You all remember Peter Parker, little Spider-Man, underroo's, Baby Super-Soldier. He goes by many nicknames because of you and I felt the need to give you exactly what you asked for!
Peter here is currently Seventeen months, for those who can't do math very well (Thor) that makes him a year and five months. Enjoy diaper duty, nap times and tantrums. Peter very kindly volunteered to help with this pay back so please take good care of him. I'll be back just after his birthday....or before....you never know. Anyways I must be off, enjoy looking after the tiny spider.
Your lover and sex god, Loki !"
The room goes silent and I glance up once more to see everyone staring at me. Bucky grunts and gives everyone a warning growl, Steve snorts at the sound and wonders over, Bucky pulls me closer. "Relax Bucky, I just want to get a look at him." Steve says gently and reaches out towards me, I lean back away from him - the blanket falling slightly from my shoulders.
"Oh shit is he naked?" Clint asks shocked. "I thought it was warm up here." Clint mutters. Steve's hands gently rests on my sides causing me to squeak and squirm more.
"No! Bucky stop him!" I whine out, clinging to the older man. The room goes quiet and for a moment I thought I hadn't said it out loud, that is until I hear Natasha let out a tiny breathless 'aww'. I groan a bit as Steve snorts.
"What? Can't I hold you?" Steve asks gently going to lift me out of Bucky's arms again, I give a loud whine and try to grip Bucky's shirt.
"Bucky! Stop him!" I hear it then, why they find it so amusing. I wasn't even getting my words out properly, all that was coming out was 'Bubby em!'. A glance at Bucky showed that he was doing that softening face thing again.
"Ok can we appreciate how adorable that is?" Tony asks before pausing. "Ah good, the supplies just got delivered." He says, a look at him and I see he's putting his tablet away. "You're my favourite Friday." He says with a grin, I squirm in annoyance as Steve finally snatches me out of Bucky's arms.
"Oh my god Bucky, look how tiny he is!" Steve says astounded, holding me under my armpits. I squirm and almost die as the blanket falls off, exposing me completely.
This couldn't get worse.
It defiantly could get worse.
Not twenty minutes after Steve exposed my naked butt to everyone in the room did Happy arrive with a plastic bag. The small group minus the two super-soldiers and Bruce seemed to be deciding what to do with it. Whilst that was going on Bucky had stolen me from Steve and was holding me close whilst Bruce was giving me a quick health check. Steve was in the kitchen making me something to eat.
"Should he be this small?" Bucky asks softly when Bruce had him stand me up to measure my height, Bruce frowns a little.
"He's actually small for a child his age." He comments. "But he's on track for his weight, he's not the tallest as a teenager anyways." He mumbles and I glare a bit. Bruce snorts a little and Bucky laughs.
"He's not wrong Peter, you're smaller than Tony and that's a feat." Bucky teases a little and I grumble. "Oh grumble all you wan-" He cuts off as Tony shuffles over, what looks like a pile of clothes in one hand and a plastic bag in the other. I tilt my head pointing to it, noticing the group had all gone pretty quiet.
"Oh...eh...Underroo's" He starts awkwardly, setting the pile and bag down on the chair next to me. Being the curious little shit I am, I push off Bucky a little to peak in the bag but the soldier has a tight grip on me. "Peter, we...you..." Tony has this look that just screams 'What-do-I-do?' and Thor decides to take over. Thor.
"Young one, you have the body of a baby. That means...you need certain protections to ensure embarrassment is not possible and everything is contained." Thor explains, it takes me a moment to click on.
"No!" I squeak, realising what he means, it could only mean one thing! I struggle in Bucky's arms as Tony tries to calm me down. "No!" I whimper.
"Peter, kid. You're not going to be in control of a lot of things in that body, Thor explained it to us and I know that little science brain of yours is interested so how about you listen to me explain it ok?" He says and ok....I might be a little curious about what I can and can't have control of. Nodding with a small huff I ignore Bucky cooing at me. "So from what we gathered from Thor, you aren't going to be able to control your emotions, bladder or...the other end." I pale and whimper a bit. "I know let me finish, anyways. You're not going to be able to control a lot of things and this means you need to rely on us. You're going to get tired faster, be quicker to snap at people, hell you'll be faster to melt down from small things." I look at him, tears in my eyes-god I'm already proving him right.
"No..." I whine a little, Tony breaths deeply and smiles at me.
"I'm afraid so tiny-tot. Now come on we need to get these on you." He reaches for me and I give a loud squeak clinging to Bucky tightly.
No way was Tony Stark seeing me naked.
Bucky snorts. "Spider-son doesn't seem to agree." He teases a little, I flush darkly looking away. "Alright, everyone we'll be right back." He announces, taking the pile from Tony. I blink surprised for a moment before squeaking and squirming.
"No!" I complain, Bucky laughs a little and walks towards his bedroom, ignoring my kicking and moving about.
"Ok Peter, lets get you ready." He mumbles gently, setting me on the bed with a chuckle as I struggle away from him. "Peter, calm down little scrap." He grabs my ankles and pulls me towards him, leaving the blanket behind.
"NO!" Am I glad I still know how to say that? Yes
Are they glad? Nope.
"Peter." His voice holds warning and I can't help but freeze. "We just told you about what will most defiantly happen, can you calm down enough and just not fight me on this?" He asks gently, his metal hand skimming over my stomach lightly. I give a low gasp squirming under the touch, I never thought I was this ticklish. Bucky seemed to enjoy it as his smile grew wide and his metal fingers glided across my stomach and ribs.
"NoOoOooo!" I laugh out twisting each way, trying to escape the hand as best as I could, Bucky laughs along with me but soon it stops. I pant for a minute and then notice something.
He'd got the diaper on.
"Bucky!" I snap, he just grins at me.
"Oh don't be a sour patch and pop your arms up so Bubby can pop your clothes on." He teases, I glare daggers at him. "Oh now that's a look that'll curdle milk." He smirks, poking my chest. "Now arms up." He says, I try to see what clothes he has in his hand but he's already moving it over my head.
"Bucky" I growl out moving my arms awkwardly into the holes, Bucky helps me as well.
"Oh no, did I not let you walk off in just a diaper?" He grins. "did you want to show Tony your new undies? it that it?" He teases a bit and I glare. I notice that the thing he'd pulled over my head was a white vest with a snap crotch. I flushed darkly and huffed, seeing him holding a shirt I was quick to raise my hands, just wanting to cover this embarrassment. "Look at you, leanin' quick." He smirks.
It didn't take long for me to get fully dressed, Bucky had me in a flannel shirt, a pair of jeans, fox covered socks and a jumper with a fox on it.
I grumble at how childish it was, with a huff I cross my arms and glare at Bucky whilst he picked up the blanket I was wrapped in. "Lets get back to the others." He comments, lifting me up into his arms he takes me out towards the front room. I take in the group, they don't seem to bothered by this, in fact they almost seem happy with it. "Ok, so who's going to be on Parker duty?" Bucky asks.
"We'll work out a schedule, for now I want to hold him." Natasha says walking over and snatching me up out of Bucky's arms and holding me close, her hand running over my back lightly and I feel my eyes droop a little. "Oh Spider, you're so sleepy." She mumbles, Clint smiles at me from across the room. "Maybe for now he stays here with Bucky and Steve whilst we baby proof down stairs? their floor is the only one relatively safe for kids." She mutters, Steve smiles gently.
"We don't mind, I'm sure he'd enjoy watching some movies whilst Tony plans and you guys make everything else safe." He comments and Tony pauses.
"Oh my god I can make so many things for him." He says in excitement. "Bruce come on, we need to make things." He grabs Bruce's arm and soon the whole group are leaving the floor and I'm in Captain America's arms again and he's already talking about making me food whilst Bucky's rolling his eyes and gathering blankets up.
"Punk, let em nap whilst you plot to fatten him up." He comments and Steve snorts.
"But 'Bubby' I wanna feed him now." He grins, I glare up at him.
"Shut up Steve!" I hiss out, flushing as all I manage is a garble of 'ah-ah ba Sebe!' I flush wanting to hide away.
"Awww" Bucky grins a bit, taking me from Steve and setting me on a nest of blankets and pillows. I huff a bit as he plops onto the sofa and turns the TV on, I grumble, resting on the nest and watching as he puts on a random movie.
It wasn't long till I fell asleep.
I felt ready to collapse once Peter's eyes finally closed, immedatly changing the channel to something more interesting than 'Green Lantern.' I glance around and see Steve looking at me unsure. "What's wrong Stevie?" I mumble, my own eyes half lidded. Steve shuffles over, looking red faced and embarrassed.
"Just....didn't know the dad look suited you so well." He mutters, looking between me and the sleeping child, I feel a smirk wiggle its way onto my face.
"This you tellin' me you want kids Stevie?" I ask, watching him go redder than a stop light. A snort escapes me as I was him stutter and stumble. "As most kids these days say 'Cool ya tits'..." I pause and watch him go even redder. "I'd say ' And get on my dick' but there is a child present." Steve chuckles, rolling his eyes.
"You just did." He mutters, his own smirk showing on his face. I roll my eyes, dragging the blonde onto the sofa.
"Shut it. Relax for a bit, something tells me we won't be getting much of it." I mumble, entwining our hands together. Steve smiles gently, resting his head on my shoulder he casts another glance at Peter.
"Feels like we already have one honestly." He mumbles, I chuckle.
"It's been ten minutes Steve." I tease, my own eyes on the boy as he curled in on him self and popped his thumb in his mouth.
"No, it's been almost a year. The moment we met him as Peter Parker, not Spider-Man, he's basically ours." He mumbles, I chuckle lowly and place a gently kiss on Steve's head.
"Think his Aunt and Tony might argue with you on that." I tease, Steve scoffs silently. Falling into a gentle silence we watch Peter, not bothering to look at the TV. It lasted five minutes before Friday's Voice broke it.
"If I may, I took the liberty of talking to Karen, Peter's AI and she relinquished Peter's phone contact details to me, mostly the names he has used to describe each Avenger." She pauses. "I'll be happy to tell you who is called what in Peter's contacts relaying to the Avengers that is, not his friends." She says happily. Me and Steve share a glance and we agree quietly.
"Please Doll." I say happily, she starts.
"Tony Stark - Iron-dad. Though with Peppers influence in brackets it reads 'Daddy-Short-legs'
Clint Barton - Prank-dad.
Natasha Romanov - Spider-Mom.
Bruce Banner - Science-Dad.
S am Wilson - Bird-Uncle.
Thor Odinson - Yeet-Dad.
Pepper Potts - Big-Mood-Mom.
Steve Rogers - Stern-Sass-Queen-Dad.
Nick Fury - Grandpa-Pirate.
Phil Coulson - Grandpa-Collector
Maria Hill - Aunt-Brownies
Loki Odison - Parental-Sass-God.
Bucky Barnes - Mother-Hen" She asks sweetly, I take the list in.
"M o t h e r H e n" I hiss out, glaring daggers at the boy. "I'm no hen! Do you see feathers-do you see boobs?!" I say shocked, Friday interrupts my ranting and Steve's chuckles.
"If I may the younger generation at this time use the term of Mother Hen to describe a person - No matter the gender - As some one who cares deeply and tends to be the most trusted with high stress situations." She says calmly. "It could be worse. You could be 'Stern-Sass-Queen-Dad' Mr. Barnes." She says seriously, I snort as Steve scoffs.
"My names amazing and your just jealous." He points at the ceiling. "What's your name on his phone-we have you on contact so surely he would as well." He says heatedly. I snort a little.
"My Name is 'The-AI-God-of-sarcasm.' and Karen's is 'The-Baby-sitting-snitch-bitch' I believe Visions-" Steve interrupts her.
"He called Karen a-oh my god he swore-Bucky he swore-OH my god Friday swore." He moves his hand out of mine and moves his head into them with a moan. I laugh a little. "He's so grounded. Grounded and-and-" He starts grasping for words, I roll my eyes. Deciding to ask Friday more questions.
"Doll, what is a Yeet?"
I woke up to gentle prodding in my side, I give a low groan and roll away from it. May must be trying to wake me. "No May, go'way" I mumble, burying my self into the pillows. I hear a deep chuckle above me as hands grip my sides.
Wait a minute.
When did Aunt May become Uncle May?
"Peter, you gotta get up." The voice mutters and it takes a moment for me to realise it's Bucky.
"Bucky?" I mutter. "What'cha doin' in my room?" I slur, god why does speaking feel weird. Bucky just chuckles, then I feel it. A lifting motion and my eyes snap open.
Shit...That wasn't a dream.
I give a low groan and kick my feet a little as he brings me to his chest. "Jeez kid, you're still outta it aren't ya" He mutters, rubbing my back gently. "Yo Stevie you got those waffles made yet?" He calls over, my head perks up immedatly and look at the kitchen to see Steve placing a plate on the side.
"Obviously. The moment he started whinin' and fidgeting I got workin. Now get him over here to eat before he bites your arm off. Looks ravenous." He mutters, I blink a bit. I never realised how much of a Brooklyn accent Steve had.
"You noticed it too huh Spider-Baby?" Bucky whispers in my ear. "He's all huffy cause Tony's hidden his shield away. Gets all Brooklyn accent and angry grumbles." He says a little louder and Steve glares daggers.
"I do not! He just knows not to steal my stuff and hide it away, what if we had a-a fight of somethin'!? I wouldn't be able to find it and-and you'd just stand there laughin' whilst I run round like a headless chicken lookin' for it." He rants and I look up at Bucky who snorts. "Oh don't even laugh, 'Hen'." He prods.
Wait.. Hen.. Oh no.
I glance up at Bucky who just snorts, maybe it's a saying from when they were younger. Or a nick name.
Totally a nickname.
"Gimme food for the Spider-child before I send that video out on YouTube." He threatens. Steve snorts.
"Oh like the Youtubes are gonna cause me any problem." Steve sasses, I giggle.
Did Steve really just refer to YouTube as 'the Youtubes'?
"Oh Stevie....do I need to call Clint and Sam up for another load of education?" Bucky asks, holding plate in his hand. I reach for the waffle on it, going unnoticed by the two as they bicker back and forth, it goes on for a few minutes. "Alright Peter lets ea-holy shit how'd you get that?" Bucky asks shocked, a laugh escaping him as I tear at the waffle silently.
"Buck, he literally calls him self Spider-Man, have you met the other 'Spider' of the house. I think thieving is hereditary." Steve teases, I ignore them as I continue to take large bites of the waffle, almost finishing it with in five minutes. Bucky gives a sigh.
"This is gonna be a long 7 months isn't it?" Bucky asks quietly, he doesn't get a response out loud.
But yes. Yes it is.